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CONFESSlON

-Hello?
-It's me. How are you?.

-I'm OK. You?.
-Not bad. I'm at work

-I wanted to call before I left.
-Fine.

-How's it going?.
-Not bad.

I should be back
in a couple of days.

Good. The heat here's really getting
to me. It's the same with you?.

Pretty much. But it's supposed
to cool down tomorrow.

That's good then.

-How are your shoulders?. Still bad?.
-No, they just hurt a bit at night.

-Must be the humidity.
-I suppose so.

-Take care.
-I will.

-What are you doing tonight?.
-Not a lot.

There's a meeting.
Then I'll go back to the hotel.

-Are you bored?.
-A bit.

-Well, there's only a few days left.
-Yes.

Me and Nermin are going to
a reception tonight.

-What reception?.
-Some client opening.

-We'll just drop by for a while.
-Fine.

-I'd better go. Nermin's waiting.
-OK.

-Goodbye.
-Bye.

-Mr Harun, the meeting's about to start.
-I'm on my way.

-Hello?.
-It's me. Were you asleep?.

-Just dozing. What's the matter?.
-Nothing.

-You didn't sound good. I was worried.
-I'm fine.

-What time is it?.
-Nine-thirty.

I'd better go so you can
get back to sleep.

-Good night.
-Night.

Hello?.

Room 21 6 please.

Hello. I'm back. Don't worry.

See you tomorrow, good night.

Harun...
HarunAre you asleep?.

Grand Hotel, can I help you?.

-Room 21 6 please.
-Hold the line, please.

-Who am I speaking to?.
-Who do you want to speak to?.

Who do you want to speak to, sir?.

No, Mr Necati,
this doesn't concern you.

Mr Harun was sick anyway.
He called to let us know.

He didn't tell you
in case you'd worry.

He's all right now.
Just needs to rest.

OK, I'll tell him.

Our man Remzi's leaving tonight.
The details are in the fax.

OK.

OK, thank you.

Yes, my apologies once again.
OK, bye then.

Thanks, Suha.

Harun?.

What's the problem?.

-Nothing.
-This isn't like you.

Hello?.

Hello?.

-Hello?.
-lt was me calling.

I got cut off.

I was surprised to see you at home.
Are you OK?.

Fine. I'm fine.

I decided on the spur of the moment,
that's why I didn't call.

-lf I'd known, I'd have been at home.
-Doesn't matter.

I didn't get to see you this morning.
There was an early meeting.

Never mind.

OK. See you tonight then.

Harun, is something wrong?.

-Like what?.
-Well, I don't know.

-It's nothing. We'll talk tonight.
-lf you say so.

-Goodbye then.
-Bye.

It's me. You want
to have dinner together?.

Sure.

I'll be home early anyway.

-Shall we eat out?.
-Sure. You decide where

-... and call me before you leave.
-OK. Bye.

-Go on.
-I was just going to ask

-what you did after work.
-Nothing. I went for a walk.

-We should have eaten at home.
-What is it?.

-I don't know. It would've been nicer.
-We can go if you want.

-ls something wrong?.
-Why do you ask?.

-You're very tense.
-No, I'm not.

-ls something wrong, Nilgun?.
-Like what?.

Don't say that. It's obvious there is.

We should talk about it like adults.

OK, let's talk.
You start then.

Don't get angry.
I didn't mean anything bad.

-I want to break up.
-I know that.

-What else?.
-I already know that.

Don't threaten me. It's you
who didn't want to drag it out.

Don't make me mad. I never said
anything like that.

I said let's talk about it
like adults.

You said we shouldn't drag it out.

I said I wanted to break up.
And you threatened me.

I didn't say we shouldn't drag it out.
I said we should talk.

Whenever you don't like what I say,
you start threatening me.

We can't talk like this.

OK.

I didn't threaten you.
But if you thought I did, I'm sorry.

I really want to talk.

I accept whatever I have to go through.
I just want to know everything.

-What do you have to go through?.
-That's what I want to know.

But I've told you
what you wanted to know, Harun.

I said I wanted to break up.
What more can I say?.

Nilgun, let's not start that again.

What do you want me to say then?.
Stop intimidating me.

-What's going on then?.
-What do you mean?.

Look, I'm not an idiot.
Be a bit fair.

-What are you talking about?.
-Don't be disgusting!

-I only asked what's going on.
-So there's more to come?.

You've made up your mind. You're just
trying to justify what's in your head.

-Do what you want. I'm going.
-I'll kill you, Nilgun.

If you go, I'll swear I'll kill you.

It's all so obvious.
You think I can't see?.

Your getting back late,
whispering on the phone...

I believed in our relationship
all these years. In all your bullshit.

This has been fucking me up for weeks,
and I haven't said a word.

Have you ever considered
what I've been going through?.

At the end of the day,
I am your husband.

You could have some respect.

Out of your own self-respect
just tell me and then fuck off.

-Don't talk to me about self-respect.
-I'll smash your face in.

What do you know about self-respect,
you whore?.

Who were you calling last night?.

I said, who were you calling?.

-What do you mean?.
-Who were you calling?.

-Nermin.
-Why call at that time?.

Why not?. We spent the evening together.
I was a bit drunk.

I called so she didn't worry.
What's wrong with that?.

Is that why you came back
without telling me?.

-ls what why?.
-Were you checking up on me?.

What does all this mean?.

Answer me.
What does all this mean?.

Something's got into you, Harun.

I'm going. I can't take this any more.

Grand Ankara Hotel.

I'm sorry, Suha.
I know I'm talking rubbish.

-No. But we've told people you're ill.
-You're right.

-Harun, is something wrong?.
-No.

I'll call and have a word
if you really want.

But first tell me why you want
to go back when you only just arrived.

Is it something to do with a woman?.

I know I'm putting pressure on you...

But we are friends. Don't forget that.

-Hello?.
-It's me.

I'm listening.

Yes, I'm listening.

I wanted to apologise for last night.

-OK, I'll see you tonight.
-I'm working, I'll be late.

OK.

-Hello?.
-Nermin, it's Harun.

Hi, Harun. I didn't recognise you.
How are you?.

-Fine. Sorry, it's a bit late.
-Doesn't matter.

I wanted to know if Nilgun's there.

She's just left. Isn't she home yet?.

-No. When did she leave?.
-About half an hour ago.

She'll be here any minute then.
Sorry to disturb you.

-Good night.
-Night.

Hello?.

Hello?.

Harun, what's going on?. I was worried
when you left like that.

It's nothing.
I was a bit fed up. Sorry.

Harun, don't get all official with me.
We're friends.

I just want to know what's going on.
There is something wrong, isn't there?.

-Suha...
-Harun, are you OK?. Hello?.

Can we talk later?.

OK. Call me whenever you want.
Doesn't matter what time.

-Thanks.
-See you in the morning.

Nilgun,

Nilgun, I can't take this any more.

Are you listening to me?.

Nilgun, are you listening?.

-Yes, I am.
-I really can't take this any more.

It's hurting you, too.

Forget the hurting. It's not knowing
the reason that kills me.

I'm wasting away! Dying!

The fear, the uncertainty
is killing me.

It's destroying my soul.
I can't take it any more.

You can't treat a person like this.
You have to have some trust.

Maybe you can't help what happens.
Even if you don't want to be bad.

But I'm not as weak as you think.
Please tell me.

I swear on my honour.
I swear on everything I have.

If you say there's nothing going on,
I'll believe you.

I won't say a thing. Won't ask a thing.
I'll keep quiet.

I'll leave right now if you want.

I'll leave you in peace.
I'd die rather than see you again.

Just let me know what's going on.

Tell me what's happening.

Please don't refuse me this.
I'm begging you.

Aren't you going to say anything?.

Talk, you bitch! Talk!

I'm not a plaything.
I'm not your pimp.

Talk, I said! Talk!

I said, talk! I'll kill you!

Tell me what the fuck
you've been up to, OK?.

I'll kill you!

Look at the state we're in.

Look at the state you've got me into.

I'm as good as dead. Dead.

I'm finished. Finished.

What are you doing?.

What are you doing?.

-Where are you going?.
-Get out of my way!

-Where are you going?.
-Get out of my way, I said!

-First tell me...
-I said, get out of my way!

You can't go without telling me.

Harun, please. I can't take any more.
Please let me go.

-Not till you tell me. Then you can go to hell.
-Get out of my way!

First tell me where you're going.

Harun, please. I can't take any more.
Please get out of my way.

I told you, I'm not letting you go
till you tell me.

-Get out of my way, psycho!
-Don't shout!

-I'll shout if I want, you bastard!
-Don't shout, I said.

Look...

Go if you want then.
Do whatever you want.

I don't know you any more.
I've been humiliated enough.

What's left to be humiliated about?.
You see the state we're in?.

Yes, but I didn't want it
to be like this.

And I didn't force you
to become a whore in hotel rooms.

What do you mean?.

You're a really despicable person.

I've been begging you for days
to tell the truth on your own.

Out of a sense of shame.

There's no need to demean yourself
any more. I know everything.

What do you know?.

You're doing this on purpose
so there can be no going back.

You're using me to clear your
conscience, to justify being a whore.

The day I came back
I told you not to.

I said you had to trust me,
that there was no need to lie.

I said I'd accept anything
as long as I knew what was happening.

I went down on my knees to you.

I begged you to have some pity,
some compassion. I cried.

I demeaned myself so you'd confess
on your own.

I let you walk all over
my pride and self-respect.

I agonised for days. I cursed myself.

There was no need for any of this.

You could have explained and left.

It could have occurred to you that
I'd have a life after you.

It's easy to play innocent now,
but you were the cause of all this.

In fact, this is what you wanted to do
all along.

You never believed in this relationship.

You were afraid. Repressed.

You always blamed me.
You always saw me as a whore.

You just waited for it to end,
for me to cheat on you.

You're right. I did what you said.
Maybe more.

I was afraid. Repressed. Selfish.

But I didn't hide this from you.

I didn't do this to demean you,
or blame you.

I asked you for help. I wanted to see
how much you loved me.

I wanted to have you by my side
while I tried to heal my wounds.

But you weren't there.
You weren't there for me.

I did everything for you.

I put up with everything a woman
could put up with.

You just pretended to do everything.

You never let me believe in you,
never let me trust you.

Anyone who doesn't want to believe
is a hopeless case.

How can anybody not want to believe?.

Even the most heartless people
want to believe in something.

I've always tried to believe in you.
I've sacrificed everything for you.

And then you made me pay for it.
You've tortured me for years.

You've always hurt my pride,
always scorned me.

I wanted to get inside you,
to be free, to be able to breathe.

You did nothing, Harun.

You didn't let me love you.

The closer I got to you,
the more you pushed me away.

You didn't fell sorry for yourself
or me. You destroyed both of us.

I did everything for you.

I betrayed my best friend.
It was my fault that he died.

I betrayed my past,
everything I believed in. I sinned.

You did nothing, Harun.

Not even what you say you did.

You just deceived yourself.
Deceived both yourself and me.

You're still boasting that
Taylan's death was your fault.

Forget it. Taylan didn't kill himself
because of you.

He knew everything all along.

He knew that you'd humiliate him.

That I'd give in to my desires
one day.

He killed himself because of his pride
not because you were fucking me.

You bitch! You whore! You devil!

I'm going to kill you! I'm...

Don't run away! Come here!
Open the door! Open the goddamn door!

I've put up with your bullshit
for years.

I never said a thing
just so I wouldn't hurt your pride.

Go ahead. Do whatever you want.

Open the door!
Open the goddamn door!

Talk properly. Don't be vulgar.

Open the goddamn door! Open it!

You whore! So you've been feeling
this for years.

If you come in, I'll jump, Harun.

I swear I'll jump,
and lt'll be your fault.

Get out, Harun!
I said get out!

Harun, I said get out!

-Hello?.
-Sorry to disturb you.

-Yes?.
-I want to speak to Ms. Nilgun.

-It's really important.
-Who's calling?.

I'm a friend of hers.

Just a moment.

It's for you.

-Hello?.
-It's me.

I've decided. I'm ready for anything.
Can you come right away?.

OK.

Forgive me, Harun.

Hello?.

Harun.

Come in. Come in.

-Hello, Harun.
-Hello.

-Bring us some tea.
-It's coming.

Thank you.

-How's Nilgun?. Do you ever see her?.
-No, I don't.

You were always like that.
Thoughtless. Disloyal.

We were really upset at Nilgun.

She was our bride.

Like a real daughter to us.
Even more than that.

If you remember, the night we buried
Taylan, we took her to one side.

And we said:
"You're used to the big city. "

"We can't force you to come
and live with us. "

"But whether you do or not,
you'll always be one of us. "

"Come and see us once in a while. "

"We'll remember Taylan.
We'll be parents to you. "

"lf you have a problem,
come and talk to us about it. "

"You're a widow. You're pretty. "

"You're alone in that chaos. "

"You're one of us.
You've been entrusted to us. "

She cried. She hugged us.
Called us her mother and father.

Promised she'd keep in touch.

That she'd visit Taylan.

And water his grave.

Then the next day you left together.
Days went by. Months. Years.

Not even a call.

We were worried. We thought we'd
at least try and find her ourselves.

But we didn't know where to start.

We were really worried. Really upset.

-What's up, Harun?. Is something wrong?.
-No, nothing.

I left something in the car.
Let me go and get it.

Harun, Harun...

We were both used to living in shame.

One night Nilgun came to me.

She cried for ages.

She said she couldn't bear to look
at Taylan any more,

She said we should explain everything
before Taylan realised.

She said he was maybe expecting it.

I said he couldn't be.

I told her I couldn't do that
to my friend. To my blood brother.

Then we started arguing.
We yelled at each other.

Then she said she never wanted
to see me again, and went home.

An hour later the phone rang.
It was Taylan.

He asked how I was.
We talked about this and that.

Then he invited me over to his place.

I couldn't say no.
So I agreed, and went over.

I bought some things on the way
and gave them to him. We joked around.

He was very pale.
He'd lost a lot of weight.

I asked how he was. He said he was OK.
That he was getting better.

He said the doctor had told him
he'd soon be up and able to start work.

But then he said it was fate.
That only God knew.

Right then I felt this pang inside.

I wanted to cry. Tell him everything.
Ask him to forgive me.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't confess.

I made a joke of it.
I said nothing could happen to him.

He laughed bitterly.

He asked about my work, if I was still
thinking of getting married.

I made a joke of it again.
Then we had something to eat.

I was convinced he'd say something.

I was uncomfortable. Scared.

I was convinced he'd hit me
with what I'd done and start yelling.

But he didn't say one bad thing.

He was nice to me.
Was full of compliments even.

In the end, I couldn't bear it
any longer.

So I asked him
if anything was the matter.

I said: "We're blood brothers, friends.
If there's a problem, tell me about it. "

He said "No. "

He said there was nothing wrong.
Just that he wanted to see me.

He didn't say a bad word, make any digs
all evening. And I was there till late.

I came home, but couldn't sleep.

I kept remembering how he'd said
he just wanted to see me.

I tossed and turned all night.
I was so ashamed, so worried.

I decided to go and tell him everything
after Nilgun went to work next morning.

I swore to myself I'd do it.

I lay there, but couldn't sleep.

I thought maybe he'd die soon,
and I'd never see him again.

I cried.

Then the phone rang some time
before dawn.

I realised it was Nilgun
when she started crying.

She seemed to be tongue-tied.

Eventually she said he'd shot himself.

Piss off!

Piss off, I said.

-You bastard!
-Don't, son! Don't do it!

Get out of my way, Mum.

Don't! Don't get blood on your hands!

-Get out of my way, Mum.
-Don't, I said. Don't!

Go and wash your filthy hands
somewhere else.

-Hello?.
-Suha, it's Harun.

Harun, where the hell have you been?.

Harun, are you there?.

I'm not in good shape.

-Could you come over straight away?.
-Sure. I'll be right there.

-Shall we have coffee?.
-Sure.

Wait, I'll make it. You take it easy.

I got the caretaker's wife in
yesterday.

She cleaned the whole place.
Made some food, too.

-I did a bit of shopping.
-Thanks.

How are you?.
I'm here, having coffee.

Good, very good.

I will. He says hello back.

OK, OK. See you later.

-Evening.
-Evening, Mr Harun.

-Hello, Harun.
-Hi, Suha. How are you?.

-Fine, thanks. You?.
-Fine.

I was out. Just got in.

Why don't you come over to our place?.

We can have some food. Talk.

-Tomorrow's Sunday anyway.
-Sure.

-Look forward to seeing you then.
-OK.

Open your mouth. I'm not letting you go
till you've eaten something.

Elif, open your mouth.
Come on, darling.

Elif, open your mouth.

Elif, come here.
Elif, I'm talking to you.

Suha, she's fallen asleep.
Put her to bed, will you?.

And this is a good day.

If you only knew
what she got up to the whole day.

Not even my sisters wore me out
this much.

Never mind us.
We're just going stupid over Elif.

Tell us what you've been up to.

-I'm OK. You know, working.
-But that's good. Working's good.

I really regret packing in my job.

There's nothing left in my life
except Elif.

-Elif's woken up. She wants you.
-Oh don't, Suha.

Look, she says she won't go to sleep
till Aype comes and kisses her.

-Suha...
-Just kidding.

-How do you like your coffee?.
-With sugar.

-And you, my love?.
-Same here.

Can you give one for me, too?.

Thanks.

Do you ever hear from Nilgun?.

No.

-What's the matter?.
-Nothing.

It's just I saw Nermin the other day.

-You remember Nermin, right?.
-Yes.

Actually, I don't trust her that much.

But I was a bit upset
by what she told me.

But I couldn't decide
whether to tell you or not.

-lf you don't want to hear...
-It's something bad?.

No. I mean, it's nothing
to do with her health, but...

Like I said, I can't decide
whether it's right or not to tell you.

Aype, now you've gone this far...

I'd heard about what happened before,
but not this latest stuff.

Just after you broke up,
Nilgun quit her job.

Or rather she was forced to leave.

She rented a place with this new guy.

But the guy was married
with a couple of kids.

This made it pretty difficult
for them.

The wife's family threatened Nilgun.
They even roughed her up.

Anyway, everything settled down
in the end.

But the guy's year-old daughter
wrote him this really heavy letter.

Then jumped off the balcony at home
and killed herself.

Of course everyone was devastated.
Nilgun and the guy, too.

And the guy, by the way,
was out of work. He had nothing.

During the funeral some of the wife's
relatives beat the guy up again.

He had to go to hospital.
It was terrible.

Of course, the guy was a wreck
after all this.

Then he started blaming Nilgun.

In the end, he even blamed Nilgun
for the girl's death...

... and destroying his marriage.

Nilgun couldn't take it any more,
so she left him.

The guy went back to his wife.

Nilgun apparently went back
to her family in lzmir.

No one knows what happened there.
Then she came back here, to Ankara.

She rented a shack somewhere
in Mamak.

Nermin said she'd found some kind of
heavy job, I don't remember what.

I asked Nermin how she was.

She said she was OK,
but completely broken.

Apparently she sits there staring
not saying anything.

Harun, there's something else
Nermin said.

She said Nilgun was
six months' pregnant.

-But if she carries on like this...
-Aype, that's enough!

There are some great perks to the job
because of where it is.

But although a lot of people are keen
to go and work there...

... most of them decide to come back
in the first six months.

Life there is obviously tough
if you're not used to the city.

But the existing contracts
do have to go on.

Management is fed up with
the never-ending problems.

They're right, too.

Because this dam construction is
the biggest contract the company's had.

So my advice to you is
to have a good think.

Two guys from your department have been
out there before, I think.

-Right, Mr Suha?.
-Mr Necati and Mr Kerem...

Right.
See what they have to say.

I already have. They told me a lot.

-So you've made a decision?.
-Yes.

Good. Mr Suha will help you out
with the formalities.

That won't take long. You could even
start getting yourself ready.

All right. Well, good luck then.

Mr Suha, can you spare me 1 0 minutes?.

-Of course.
-Thank you for your interest.

-Once again, good luck.
-See you downstairs.

Evening. Do you know
where 1 32nd street is?.

Over there?.
Thanks. Bye.

This document is for you, Mr Harun.

Can you sign here, please?.

Thank you.

Hello?.

They've just brought it in.
OK.

When are you leaving?.

Next week.

Elif got sick last night.

-What's wrong with her?.
-I don't know.

Aype was taking her to the doctor today.
I hope it's nothing serious.

-Don't worry. She'll be fine.
-I hope so.

Who is it?.

Harun.

-Are you hungry?.
-No, thanks.

I have to have something to eat.

-But you'll have some tea, right?.
-Sure.

It'll be ready in a minute.
Have something to eat, won't you?.

-No thanks. I just had something.
-OK.

I'm sorry. I wanted to visit you
in hospital, but I couldn't.

Doesn't matter.
It wasn't serious anyway.

-How are you?.
-Fine.

-Are you angry that I came over?.
-No. Why should I be?.

Just a bit surprised, that's all.

It's good actually.
You can't help wondering.

You're right.

-What have you been up to?.
-Same as ever.

When I got out of the hospital,
I went back to work.

But I'm going away in a few days.

-Where to?.
-To the east. Diyarbakyr.

The company's involved in a dam project.
I'll be working there.

Will you stay long?.

At least three years.
After that, I don't know.

That's a long time.
Did you come here to say goodbye?.

Yes. I don't think
I'll be coming back here.

I didn't want it to end like this.

Actually, that's not the only reason
I came.

I thought of lots of things to tell you
last night. It'll seem strange now.

Will you come with me?.

What about what happened?.

What happened happened.
It's all in the past now.

No it's not.
Time's the only thing that passes.

What else can we do?.

I don't know.

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