Original subtitles

Oh God, yes!

So, how long you two are back together?

Four days. But, only 'cause I managed to get him out of

Ellie's greasy hands in time.

Don't look at me! It was Vero's idea.

-Veronique didn't have sex with him! -Well, I didn't really!

Kira, you should be happy, if Ellie hadn't invited me to the loft--

To give her el rabo de torro in her--

Do you have no limits?

-No. -No.

If you could all just stay out of my sex life please?

Because so far every single piece of advice has been a fucking disaster.

Okay, I'll tell your problem, Ellie.

This Olivier?

He´s a nice, normal guy

from a normal family, he does normal things.

Everything normal.

So?

So, if you want to make sex with

a normal guy you need to make sex with

other normal guys for practice,

not like porno sex.

Just normal sex.

No lesbianas, no guys who want to echarse un polvo in your butt.

-No offense, man. -None taken.

Just try to make normal sex.

In and out.

That's all you need Ellie. In and out.

Oh, for god's sake, give me that!

You okay?

-Hello, Miss. -Hello.

-Sorry to be late. -No problem.

So what's wrong?

I'm English, I'm sorry I don't speak French very well.

Lets speak in English then.

-Oh, thank you. -It's good practice.

I think I've broken a filling. It really hurts.

Okay, let's have a look. Open wide please.

I haven't done anything yet.

Yeah, we have an infection here.

Okay, so this is the plan,

I'm going to drill a bit,

and then clean it up before we put in a new filling.

Alright?

So, I'm going to...

give you a shot.

Oh No no! I'm sorry, I'm really scared of needles.

I'm scared of...

Oh, I understood. I understood... But, it's nothing really.

It won't hurt one bit, I promise.

I'll be very gentle. Okay?

You have a beautiful gum structure.

I bet you say that to all the girls.

No touching.

Are you ready.

I'm going in.

In and out. That's all you need Ellie.

Here we go.

-Are you alright? -Uh-huh.

No, I mean the shot. Is it working yet?

Oh, it's fine. I can't feel a thing.

Such a good girl.

You've been very brave.

I'm proud of you.

So, if you want to make excellent sex with a normal guy,

you need to make excellent sex with other normal guys for practice.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

I don´t have aCarte Vitale. Do you accept credit cards?

No, it's alright, there is no charge.

Really?

That's very nice of you.

Well, at least let me take you out for a drink.

What time do you get off?

Do none of you have rooms?

Ellie!

You look like you swallowed a golf ball.

How's your tooth?

Ask me how my dentist was.

I'm guessing he was hot.

But, I'm sure you're much hotter, baby.

I'm going back to his office at 8:00.

At the office? That's where he wants to hook up?

I've never done it on a dentist's chair. Sounds exciting.

Yeah, except he didn´t want me to use deodorant, make up,

perfume, or, scented soap.

He must have a lot of allergies.

He must be American. You guys are allergic to everything. Right?

Anyway I'm going go take a shower without soap and get ready

for my normal, regular date.

Just like you said Pedro.

Maybe I should use just a little bit of deodorant?

I bought organic, hypoallergenic, non-toxic--

No! No, no, don´t, It's... I like your natural smell!

Oh, you're one of those...

You've seen to be having a little bit difficulty.

I know, it's just like... I'm a little tired and

also after you I had a

double root canal which is a complicated...

Don't talk. Just relax.

Yes, honey.

It's me. Do I wait for you to eat?

No, don't wait for me. I still have a patient to see.

I'll call you over Skype before he goes to bed.

Skype, yes.

Just wait, give me a second, ok?

- Yes, sweety! How's my sweety? - Hello daddy!

You're not coming home?

No, it's because I have a...

a patient, so you have to go to bed now.

Come home soon, okay?

Yes, darling. I love you.

- Kisses. Daddy loves you. - Goodnight, daddy.

Kisses.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

So, that's why you wanted no odors

no lipstick, so your wife can't find any traces.

I'm sorry.

And why you wanted to do meet at the office.

So, she can't track your phone. Very clever.

I know, it's...

I didn't mean to deceive you,

I mean I don´t... It's...

It's just...

I was trying to...

Marriage is so complicated.

And when you have a kids, everything changes.

But, they don´t tell you that, no one tells you.

Right.

After Lolo was born...

she just stopped wanting sex...

So...

what can I do?

I never wanted to be a cheater but...

I have needs. I'm a man.

I really have to go.

Not yet!

Oh, hi Ellie.

Hi.

How was the normal dentist?

Married, with a baby.

He actually cried before we could even do anything.

Suddenly he felt very guilty about cheating with his wife.

What a waste of time.

You know, I don't even care anymore.

I'm just gonna stay a virgin forever.

Oye, Ellie. You should not give up because one boring, crying...

probably sexually repressed dentist.

¡Venga!

There are more solutions to this problem.

Like what?

Well, Veronique and I are really open.

Wait, if someone having a threesome

with Ellie it should be me and Bertrand.

Hello? No one is having a threesome.

You just got back together! It's way too soon for you have a third party--

Read my lips. No one is having a third party here.

But, Bertrand already slept with her.

No, not really.

And I've seen her naked many times--

Excuse you? Who used hot wax to rip out all that hair from her vagine?

Oh, for Gods sake.

Vodka. No ice.

Don't look at me like that.

Don't you dare show me that dick pic with the bite marks again,

because you have no fucking idea what I've been going through.

All I wanted was to get laid a few times before my boyfriend comes back.

Just little in and out,

just one simple, easy, liberating orgasm,

is that really too much to ask?

I really feel her first threesome

should be with someone who is accepting, grounded and nurturing.

And out of the two of us, that would be me.

Except you're forgetting an extra factor.

The girl has to be attracted to the guy.

And I don´t want to be mean or, anything but, Pedro,

is a lot hotter than Bertrand.

Where is Ellie anyways?

Shit, she went home... She probably was mad.

You should feel bad.