Original subtitles

♪♪

What? What?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ big money, ballin', we gettin' the big checks ♪

All right!

[ snapping ] aah! My leg!

Aah! Aah! Ow!

Hey, bud, want to go outside for a little bit?

I got a carrot. I love carrots.

Wait a minute. You're trying to put me down!

Don't kill me! I'm too young to die!

I can still do the monologue. Aah!

What is going on with my legs?!

This is going to hurt me, boss,

A lot more than it's gonna hurt you.

Wait a minute, you got rabies!

I should be putting you down, motherfucker!

Wait! This is the new rabies variant.

It isn't as strong. Haven't you heard?

[ echoing ] heard? Heard?

Heard -- herd immunity! That's it.

Ah, yeah.

Pumpkin spice season somewhere!

Who was that guy? ♪ don't you miss me ♪

♪♪

What the frick happened?

Help. Is anybody there?

Help! Oh, my gosh.

Thank god, I got stuck up here. I was hang gliding.

I was doing a gender reveal for my ex.

She lives right there.

She's having a baby girl. Look.

I was supposed to do that when I landed.

I'm trying to get in her good graces again, you know?

Yeah, you need help, bro.

I had these virtual reality goggles on.

Then I got distracted, and --

And I feel like an idiot. -That's okay.

You're not an idiot, but you do need help.

This is the woman that introduced us.

Her name is ghislaine. She's a little bit eccentric.

I lost touch with her.

I don't know what happened to her.

Hey! Randall, what are you doing here?!

I already called dennis. He knows you here.

You're in violation of the restraining order.

No, the restraining order?

She didn't re-up it, so -- who's this? This your bitch?

No, I -- you [bleep] him?

No, no, we're not dating.

Is he your husband? Ex.

What the fuck is this banner?

Why the fuck you got me in that picture like that?

I was trying to do something nice for you,

And now you're reprimanding me.

Can I make a suggestion?

Let's just give him help first. Thank you.

This is why I need a real man in my life.

We need to help him first.

You kind of good looking.

Could you not flirt with the guy.

I'm not flirting. I'm just being honest.

He's good looking. He's a real man.

He's going to help you when you go do stupid shit.

It's not smart, what I did. Not exactly smart at all.

Just pull this straight. So, what do I --

Oh, god! Oh! Oh, jesus!

Oh, god, I'm gonna fall! Don't fall.

[ flatulence ] I just peed myself.

Don't pee. We need to find something.

Oh, my god. Grab some sprite or something.

I need sprite easily. You don't need sprite, brother.

Sprite. Ladies and gentlemen,

Jaden smith.

♪♪

Aloha.

Hawaii. Thank you.

[ gunshot ]

Wow. Jay jacob jingleheimer

Jaden smith. How are you, you son of a hubbard?

I'm good. You know, just on tour and stuff.

And now when your mom picks her nose, does she

Jada pick it?

Wow. Yeah. Think so.

If I farted around your dad, do you think he will sniff?

Yeah. Shit. I'm out of coffee, man.

Coffee drinker. Yeah, a big coffee --

Oh, here we go. Jesus christ!

I got it dialed in.

Oh, my fucking god!

Oh, shit! That desk fucking sucks.

Yeah, that does, man. Fuck. How do you --

I mean. Yeah.

[ whirring ] real efficient, man.

You do cbd. Yeah.

Cool dude pizza. Yeah. I love --

I don't like pizza, but I like cbd.

I like -- you know what I'm saying?

And then you did the cover of stormfront magazine,

The neo-nazi --

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my god!

The neo-nazis,

They have you nude on the cover of the magazine.

Look at the magazine. No, that's not --

Look inside, look at the centerfold.

Yo -- [ laughing ]

It's crazy, right?

What the fuck! This is full of dudes sucking each other, bro!

And you put me on the fucking cover, dawg!

This is -- what the hell?

This narrative is a fucking mess.

Yeah.

Fucking hell! Holy shit!

[ laughter ] no!

It's crazy.

What the hell, dude?

Aww. It's hungry.

♪♪

Here you go.

♪♪

Here you go.

What the f-- what is that?

Chair just had a baby! I knew you didn't wear a condom,

Big dog! Look at that!

What are you gonna name this little guy?

That's amazing. All right, baby.

That's. That's incredible. Want some worms?

I'm eric andre, and I'm selling homes.

♪♪

Hey, how you doing? Eric. Pleasure.

Ever seen that show "the walking dead"?

No. That's me

Before my morning coffee.

This is a beautiful old house. Is a craftsman.

Working fireplace.

You seen tracy?

No, sir. Tracy doesn't live here anymore.

Yes, she does. I know where she lives.

She lives here. No, this is an open house.

Tracy's not here anymore. I'm sorry. She moved.

I'm doing an open house. I got a customer.

Sorry, buddy.

He is obsessed with the previous tenant or something.

I don't know. You know,

He actually gave me some poetry he wrote.

It was, like, actually oddly beautiful.

Like bukowski-esque blue collar poetry.

It was, like, found art.

It was actually quite interesting.

Yeah, but --

Where's tracy?!

I'm leaving. I said, where's tracy?!

Wait, wait, wait -- I gotta go.

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen, the wickedly talented

Chloe cherry.

♪♪

Wow, what are they doing?

How are you?

I'm great, how are you? On a rocket ship to stardom.

Oh, thank you. That's so nice of you.

Now, you're in "euphoria." yes.

How much money do you make?

Um...

Can somebody stop me?!

Jim carrey in the "mask."

Sorry about that, andre. No worries.

No worries.

I think your mic -- I think your mic is feeding back.

Yeah, your mic may be fuckin' up.

It's a metal thing.

You have any metal in your outfit?

No. I think --

If you eat fish, that sometimes does it.

I have no idea.

[ andrew muttering ] give me a second.

Shit.

Maybe a transmission, boss.

Maybe some crackhead stole your catalytic converter.

Yeah, yeah, I had a guy steal my catalytic converter

In the parking lot.

Check this out.

♪♪

Eric: Oh, I'm gonna squirt!

Oh, shit, whoo-wee! Oh, shit.

Oh! Hey, what's up, man?

I didn't know you were going to be right there.

Yeah. You just got to sign right here.

It's just one. Yeah.

I got a package for you.

No, it's only one. This is your box, too.

I thought... I didn't know you were gonna--

Oh, I fucked your box.

♪♪

Sorry -- we were having a little bit of a slam-azon,

You know what I'm saying?

Jeff bezos doesn't let us take breaks.

So we took a little bit of a break ourself,

You know what I mean? No, I hear ya!

I use that hand, too.

Mm-mm-mm.

This is fucking crazy, man.

I came in the box. Speaking of packages,

You got a nice package, man. You know what I'm saying.

That's what I'm talking about.

I fingered myself with that pen, and that's my ejaculate.

Yeah. Look, I looked at that pen once, unh-uh,

I don't know what the hell to say.

I don't know what to tell you, man, you wa looking good today.

Checking out what we're going to be working with later on.

We would love to have our way with you.

Oh, no, I'm good. You want to take a ride with us?

In the mood for vanilla, my man, you know what I mean?

I say what, phew!

What's going on? I'm confused as hell right now!

You look like you could use a relaxation device.

Nah, I'm straight, man, sorry.

What we do in the van stays in the van,

You know what I'm sayin'? Pound it.

I'm going to eat this man out.

Yeah, nah. Only on anazom.

Streaming now only on anazom.

Ladies and gentlemen, the chainsmokers.

Hey.

Bon appetit.

These young boys got to learn their lessons.

You got to deejay.

Yeah. Bringing scorpions out.

Keep deejaying.

Oh, my god.

Scorpions are dangerous.

Get the tarantula. No, no, no, no, no!

Can somebody stop me?! [ belching ]