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1
00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:06,671
[ up-tempo music plays ]
aaah!
2
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:10,074
Aah! Aaaah!
3
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:14,546
[ clatter ]
aah! Aah! Aaah!
4
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:16,748
♪♪
5
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,886
Aah! Aah!
6
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:26,090
K.O.!
7
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,827
Aah! Aah! Aaah!
8
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,764
Uh, uh...
9
00:00:31,766 --> 00:00:34,499
[ soft music plays ]
I'm bad.
10
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,503
Ugh!
11
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:53,918
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh!
12
00:00:56,857 --> 00:01:00,258
♪♪
13
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,194
[ crowd cheers ]
whew.
14
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:09,734
So, you ever see this movie
"my big fat greek wedding"?
15
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,004
Yeah, I saw it like once.
16
00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:13,605
Why can't they just call it
17
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:16,675
"my plus size
mediterranean civil union"?
18
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,827
♪ I like my hair like this ♪
19
00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:38,563
♪ I like my hair like this ♪
20
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,565
Hey, how you doing?
Okay. How are you?
21
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:42,300
Weird if I tried on,
like, a wig?
22
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:44,036
I like this one.
This looks great, right?
23
00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:46,238
How does it look?
That's good, right?
24
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,773
[ laughs ]
oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
25
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,308
I'm gonna do some lipstick,
too, I think.
26
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:51,776
♪ doo doo doo doo ♪
27
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,246
Oh, yeah.
So, I look beautiful. Yeah.
28
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,914
What do you think?
Am I ready for the ball?
29
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,649
Excuse me, sir.
[ clears throat ]
30
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,317
Have you seen this man?
31
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,389
He's wanted for murder.
32
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:05,990
Yes.
33
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:08,260
[ whispering ] don't you
say a [bleep] word.
34
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,796
Shh.
35
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:12,931
Have you seen him?
36
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,132
I just --
I need to get an answer.
37
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,802
We're looking.
Hsss.
38
00:02:18,873 --> 00:02:21,005
What's up?
39
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:22,474
My wig?
No, I'm still trying it on.
40
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,677
No, no, no, no, no.
I would like the wig back,
please.
41
00:02:24,679 --> 00:02:26,078
I look good. Why?
42
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,079
No, no, no, no, no.
43
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:28,547
No, I can -- I can...
44
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,415
Excuse me.
You seen this man?
45
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,817
He's been going around
impersonating a cop.
46
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,018
He might look
a little different.
47
00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:35,688
[ whispering ] don't you
say a [bleep] word.
48
00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:38,223
[ whispering ] don't you
say a [bleep] word.
49
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:40,825
-Don't you say a [bleep] word.
-Don't you say a [bleep] word.
50
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,628
Don't you say
a [bleep] word.
51
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:45,630
Pranksters: Don't you say
a [bleep] word.
52
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,632
Don't you say
a [bleep] word!
53
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,834
Don't you say
a [bleep] word!
54
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,639
Aaah!
55
00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,445
What the [bleep] shit?
56
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:03,382
So, that's what they do
out here?
57
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,988
Ladies and gentlemen,
chet hanks!
58
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:19,197
♪♪
59
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,200
Ch-ch-ch-ch-chet.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-chet.
60
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,469
Thank you for being here.
Chet hanks!
61
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,671
Yeah, man. What's up, man?
62
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:30,542
Ya know mean? [ chuckles ]
you know what I'm sayin'? Yeah.
63
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,545
You're like "ali g show"
24 hours a day, my dawg.
64
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,947
That's right.
That's right.
65
00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:36,881
[ laughs ] yeah.
66
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:41,820
Ah, you know, man.
What are you working on?
67
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,555
Nothing.
68
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,293
That makes sense.
69
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:51,296
What's the difference between
tom hanks and tom cruise?
70
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,831
Uh...
71
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,433
Tom cruise, um...
72
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,837
...Is not my dad.
73
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,839
Man: Yeaaaaah!
74
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,242
That makes sense.
75
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,245
If your dad's rude to you,
do you go,
76
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,781
"hanks, but no hanks"?
77
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,118
Give a man enough rope,
he'll hanks himself.
78
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,252
Phew!
79
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,189
You ever get pulled over,
you look at the cop,
80
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:20,392
You just hand him a copy
of "forrest gump" and you go,
81
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,327
"let me on my way, pig"?
82
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,196
[ laughs ] bah!
83
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,599
What is going on
with you?
84
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,867
Dude, I'm just here,
you know?
85
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,202
What the hell
happened to you?
86
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,270
I know, I know, I know.
87
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,872
You are tense.
88
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,273
I'm walking on [bleep]
eggshells up here.
89
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,277
Hey, you want a kraz
hard segregated seltzer?
90
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:43,682
They got kraz for whites
and kraz for blacks.
91
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:46,218
Don't be too jealous now.
I get to drink both.
92
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,820
[ chuckles ]
yeah.
93
00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:50,555
I'm bringing your taste buds
back to birmingham, brother.
94
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,227
Give me
the black one.
95
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:02,567
♪♪
96
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,102
Hey, how you doing?
Hi.
97
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,238
-Fine if I just drop this here?
-Oh, yeah.
98
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,439
Mind if I use your restroom
real quick?
99
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:08,773
Do you know where it is?
100
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,843
-I've been here a bunch.
-Oh, okay. Cool.
101
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:20,486
Oh, hell no.
102
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,255
[ growling ]
aah!
103
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:27,059
[ gasps ] oh, my god.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
104
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:28,260
-Hi!
-[ gasps ]
105
00:05:28,262 --> 00:05:30,328
I'm drew barrymore.
I'm here to help.
106
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,464
It's what I do!
Are you okay?
107
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,399
No. I'm not okay.
Unh-unh.
108
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:37,536
I sense distress,
and I'm an empath.
109
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,072
Mm, no, not today.
110
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:42,274
[ sniffs ]
that's wolverine piss.
111
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:43,976
What the [bleep] is that?
112
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,883
That's wolverine piss, alright.
113
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:55,420
That is definitely
not my box.
Okay.
114
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:59,892
And there is definitely not a --
how you say -- wolverine inside.
115
00:05:59,894 --> 00:06:01,025
Huh.
[ eric laughs evilly ]
116
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,494
I bid you adieu!
117
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:05,964
Not today, mnh-mnh.
Not today.
118
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,366
Announcer: Only on cbs.
119
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:08,367
♪ aw, yeah ♪
120
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,369
Chet: Should I get
tactical with it?
121
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,237
Check it out.
122
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:19,177
♪♪
123
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,645
Talk about tom cruise.
124
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,314
It was like
"columbine: The musical."
125
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:24,116
Your blood look like
a little michael jordan.
126
00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:25,117
Yeah.
127
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,857
And we're back
with chet haze.
128
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,659
It's not haze, dude.
You want haze or hanks?
129
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,661
Hanks, dude.
[ applause ]
130
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,330
Is it 'cause...
Is it 'cause, uh...
131
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,332
You want to hear
my ice-t impression?
132
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:41,466
Oh, shit.
133
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:51,209
♪ they want me to get
vaccinated ♪
134
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,877
♪ but I'd rather get ♪
135
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,347
♪ inseminated ♪
oh!
136
00:06:55,349 --> 00:06:57,282
♪ the flow is flagrant ♪
137
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,217
You know what I mean?
So, I'm just...
138
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,286
Ladies and gentlemen,
gay blade.
139
00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:09,094
♪♪
140
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:15,033
♪♪
141
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:19,171
So, people give you shit
for speaking patois?
142
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:21,640
Yeah.
What other cultures
have you considered integrating
143
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,175
Into your personality?
144
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:26,244
[ scottish accent ] ah, yeah.
You know, you want some milk?
145
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:29,648
You want a glass of milk?
146
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:32,217
It's fooking hot out here.
147
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:36,989
When it comes to selling
real estate,
148
00:07:36,991 --> 00:07:39,425
Sometimes things get
a little crazy.
149
00:07:40,995 --> 00:07:42,995
-Hey, how you doing?
-I'm doing alright.
150
00:07:42,997 --> 00:07:45,864
-Pleasure.
-Nice to meet you.
151
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,732
Come on in. Have a seat.
Have a seat.
152
00:07:47,734 --> 00:07:52,270
Just write down your goals,
like, what your ideal house is.
153
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,339
Hey!
154
00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:56,074
Give me --
this is my colleague.
155
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,676
Just give me a second.
I just need to do powwow
156
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,944
Real quick.
We'll just have a quick meeting.
157
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,613
-Just give me two seconds.
-Sure.
158
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:02,815
Okay.
159
00:08:23,037 --> 00:08:24,636
-Oh, hey.
-Hey.
160
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,305
Hey. [ clears throat ]
you're still here?
161
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,907
We were just having
a little meeting.
I'll just use the bathroom
real quick.
162
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,743
Yeah. Yeah.
The restroom's there.
163
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:37,850
Listen, my wife's pulling up
in like 20 minutes, so just...
164
00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:39,852
Let's leave that meeting
off the books.
165
00:08:39,854 --> 00:08:44,389
♪♪
166
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,324
You want me to knock
a couple bucks off the price?
167
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,792
Huh?
168
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,094
Just think about it.
169
00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:53,232
$50,000 off?
170
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,736
Eh...
You ever heard of hedonism?
171
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,405
Yes.
You could watch.
172
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:04,877
You come to jamaica
with us.
173
00:09:04,879 --> 00:09:05,911
All expenses paid.
174
00:09:07,081 --> 00:09:08,047
Ah!
175
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,585
But now the wheels
are turning.
176
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,689
My man.
177
00:09:20,294 --> 00:09:21,660
No one
would have to know.
178
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,429
Deal.
179
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:25,430
I love you.
Mm?
180
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:30,703
♪♪
181
00:09:30,705 --> 00:09:32,437
You know her from tv's
and movies --
182
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,638
Natasha lyonne!
183
00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:36,641
Wow.
184
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:38,777
A mermaid,
before my very eyes.
185
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,044
Hey!
186
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:41,647
Little red.
What's up, girl?
187
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,117
-Hello!
-Hello!
188
00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:46,985
You created
"russian doll."
co-created.
189
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,121
Why not call the show
"groundhog's day"?
190
00:09:49,123 --> 00:09:50,789
Ehh...
"...The series."
191
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,657
Yeah. This season --
you know what I mean?
You ever see that movie?
192
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:55,127
You've seen "groundhog's day"
with bill murray, right?
193
00:09:55,129 --> 00:09:56,395
Yeah.
194
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:00,265
You could do it.
195
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:05,870
Son, you have no idea how lucky
you are in this country.
196
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,672
Dad...
Do you understand
what it was like
197
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:10,275
I-I -- I don't --
do you have any idea?
198
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,411
Dad, in the middle of this
natasha lyonne interview,
199
00:10:12,413 --> 00:10:13,812
You thought this was
a good time to reminisce --
200
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,347
Every time
is a good time
201
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:17,482
To reminisce
about yugoslavia?
202
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:20,485
You comin' home.
You don't appreciate
the old country!
203
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:24,022
Aaaaah!
204
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,089
Hyah!
205
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:29,494
Hyah!
[ glass shatters ]
206
00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:34,633
Ladies and gentlemen,
diplo!
207
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:38,036
♪♪
208
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,038
Ladies and gentlemen,
whiplo!
209
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,177
♪♪
210
00:10:45,179 --> 00:10:47,379
Ladies and gentlemen,
dip-lo.
211
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:55,387
♪♪
212
00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,255
Ladies and gentlemen,
kick-lo.
213
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,390
This sucks.
214
00:10:58,392 --> 00:10:59,391
Aaaaah!
215
00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:00,325
God damn it!
13655
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