Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON "SIX DEGREES"... I GOT SOME FRIENDS.

THEY LOOKIN' FOR A RUNAWAY. YOU MIGHT SPOT HER DRIVING AROUND,

PUT SOME REAL MONEY IN YOUR POCKET.

I'M SICK OF RUNNING. I JUST STARTED TO FEEL NORMAL HERE.

I STARTED TO FEEL SAFE.

MOM KNOW YOU'RE HERE? HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOUR MONTHS.

I-I DIDN'T THINK I HAD TO ASK PERMISSION.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, STEVEN? I THOUGHT I'D COME BY AND TAKE YOU AND MAX TO DINNER,

CELEBRATE.

LET'S JUST GET MARRIED-- NICE, SIMPLE CEREMONY

AT THE FOOT OF THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE.

MY FAVORITE BARTENDER MIXES AT THIS LITTLE PUB.

WE CAN MAYBE MEET THERE SOMETIME. I'M A FRIEND OF WHITNEY'S.

YES.

(War's "Why Can't We Be Friends

HEY, HEY, HEY. YO, HOW YOU DOING, LADY--

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. DAMN.

HEY, HEY, HEY, BIG MONEY. HEY.

HEY, NO, NO, NO, NO. COME ON-- AW.

HEY, HOW YOU DOING, SON? NOW LOOK,

NOW I AIN'T GONNA LIE TO YOU, RIGHT?

BUT MY ASS BEEN KICKED HARD OF LATE.

NOW I LOST MY MOTHER, LOST MY BROTHER, MAN, MY JOB--

HEY, MY DOG BIT ME. MY WOMAN TOOK THE LAST THING I HAD, MAN--

MY SELF-RESPECT. SO IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU COULD DO

JUST TO HELP A BROTHER... HEY! GOD BLESS YOU, MAN!

GOD BLESS--WHOO!

THEY SAY A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED.

THERE ARE 8 MILLION STRANGERS IN MANHATTAN.

SOMEHOW YOU FIND YOUR FRIENDS.

BUT IN THIS CITY,

YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL WHO YOU GET CLOSE TO.

A FRIEND COULD BE A SNAKE IN THE GRASS,

OR THE ONE YOU END UP SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH.

HOPELESS. HE HAS NEITHER GRACE NOR RHYTHM.

IT'S A MIRACLE HE WALKS.

WELL, HE'S NOT ENTIRELY WITHOUT RHYTHM.

YEAH. THANK YOU, DARLING.

IT IS FAR EASIER TO MAKE LOVE TO A WOMAN

THAN TO LEAD HER IN A WALTZ. AND CERTAINLY MORE FUN.

LOOK, I'M SORRY, EUGENE. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON ME YET.

THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU. I PROMISE HE'LL PRACTICE AT HOME.

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED IN A WEEK.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BREAK MY LEG ON THE FIRST DANCE, DO YOU?

I PROMISE YOU, I AM GONNA BE FRED ASTAIRE WHEN IT MATTERS.

YOU HAVE MY WORD. GOOD LUCK.

I'VE DANCED WITH BEARS WHO ARE LIGHTER ON THEIR TOES.

OOH.

BEARS?

YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY? THAT'S FUNNY TO YOU?

OH, YOU SEE, THIS IS HOW WE SHOULD BE DOING IT.

YOU GRADUATE FROM AN IVY LEAGUE UNIVERSITY.

YOU CAN'T DOWNLOAD MY CALL SHEET? I'M SORRY, LANCE.

YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO YOUR PARENTS.

THEY WASTED A BUTTLOAD OF MONEY ON YOU.

HEY, UM, UH, CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS,

YOU KNOW WE'RE LOOKING

FOR HARVEY'S STEAKHOUSE, NOT THE NEW WORLD.

ANY PARTICULAR REASON YOU DIDN'T TAKE THE WEST SIDE HIGHWAY?

UH, YEAH, IT'S SHUT DOWN 'CAUSE OF AN ACCIDENT.

THAT'S GREAT. PERFECT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NO, I'M--I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT BY 8:00.

NO, MY GENIUS ASSISTANT BOOKED ME A DRIVER

WHO DOESN'T KNOW HIS ASS FROM CANARSIE.

HARVEY'S STEAKHOUSE, HUH? 7:59.

MY GIRLFRIEND DARLENE FROM HIGH SCHOOL--

SHE USED TO LIVE IN CANARSIE, SO, YOU KNOW...

TIP HIM.

YO, MY MAN...

IT AIN'T WORTH IT. NO JOB IS.

♪ FOOLS THINK IT'S FUNNY ♪

♪ NOW THEY OUT SPENDING YOUR MONEY ♪

♪ BUT THERE'S A TWIST TO THAT, JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY ♪

♪ GOD GOT MY BACK, HOMIE ♪

♪♪♪

AAH! OH!

♪♪♪

♪ DON'T IT SEEM KINDA FUNNY WHEN YOU ROLLIN' DOWN THE BLOCK ♪

♪ AND YOU KNOW THAT IT AIN'T HOT ♪ OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

THE WHACK JOB PUNCHED ANOTHER GUY, HUH?

YEAH, IT'S SIX NOW. I WONDER WHAT'S EATING HIM.

HE'S ABOUT TO GET MARRIED,

AND THE PRESSURE'S FLIPPING HIM OUT. VERY FUNNY.

THERE ARE A LOT OF ANGRY PEOPLE IN NEW YORK.

THERE ISN'T ALWAYS A REASON. YEAH, I GUESS.

YOU KNOW THAT EVERYONE'S R.S.V.P.'d EXCEPT FOR ONE?

WHO? LAURA MORGAN.

THE WIDOW?

SHE PROBABLY PREFERS "INTERIOR DESIGNER," BUT, YEAH.

I'M SURPRISED YOU EVEN INVITED HER.

YOU'VE KNOWN HER, WHAT, A MONTH?

YEAH, BUT WE REALLY CONNECTED.

I CAN SEE US BEING FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME,

AND IN 20 YEARS, I DON'T WANT TO REGRET

THAT SHE WASN'T WITH US AT THE WEDDING.

I WONDER WHY SHE HASN'T RESPONDED.

♪♪♪

♪ I MET MY LOVER AT A RESTAURANT ♪

♪ SHE TOOK MY ORDER WITH A BIG SMILE ♪

UH, SICILIAN BLACK MARBLE.

IT'S TOO HARD.

YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE'S ASSES GOING TO SLEEP BEFORE DESSERT.

VIETNAMESE WICKER?

SHORT SKIRTS ARE IN. CAN YOU SAY CHECKERBOARD THIGHS?

AH! THIS ONE'S JUST RIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HELLO. EARTH TO GOLDILOCKS.

OH.

I'M SORRY, J.T.

DISH.

IT'S PERSONAL. NOT WHEN YOU'RE PERSONNEL, IT ISN'T.

A FRIEND OF MINE IS GETTING MARRIED NEXT WEEK,

AND, WELL, I HAVEN'T R.S.V.P.'d...

BECAUSE HER FIANCé HIT ON ME AT THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY.

THAT IS A DILEMMA.

I'VE ONLY KNOWN HER FOR ABOUT A MONTH,

SO I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO SAY SOMETHING...

ABSOLUTELY NOT. IF YOU TELL YOUR FRIEND,

YOU MIGHT NEVER FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH HER,

ESPECIALLY IF THAT LECH OF A HUSBAND IS AROUND.

BUT IF YOU DO TELL HER, SHE'LL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN.

SO DROP HER.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

AS A HEART ATTACK. YOU BARELY KNOW HER.

WELL, I LIKE HER, AND I FEEL LIKE WE COULD BE GOOD FRIENDS.

SERIOUSLY, LET HER GO.

BABY! OH.

YOU SCARED ME TO DEATH.

I'M THINKING YOU'RE A BURGLAR OR SOMETHING.

OH, MY GOD. THAT'S THE LAST TIME I SURPRISE YOU. OH.

YOU'RE MORE DANGEROUS THAN THIS PUNCHER.

WHAT? OH, SNAP. YO, I DROVE THIS GUY LAST NIGHT.

YEAH, HE GOT PUNCHED RIGHT OUTSIDE OF MY CAR.

REALLY?

YEAH, THE CHUMP. HE DESERVED IT. HOW COME YOU'RE NOT AT WORK?

AIR-JET CLEANER CLOGGED AGAIN.

CAN'T FIGHT TARTAR WITHOUT IT,

SO WE HAD TO CANCEL OUR APPOINTMENTS.

I KNOW YOU WERE SLEEPING OFF THE, UH, NIGHT SHIFT,

SO I GOT YOU BREAKFAST.

MMM. YOU'RE TOO GOOD TO ME, BABY.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. OH, OH. UM...

HENRY AND MELISSA CANCELLED TONIGHT.

OH, REALLY?

YEAH. TONIGHT, HUH?

MM. TONIGHT?

KARAOKE. REMEMBER?

OH, RIGHT. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

OH, MAN, NO HENRY AND MELISSA? MM-HMM.

THAT'S TOO BAD.

YOU CANNOT COMPLAIN ABOUT MY FRIENDS...

COMPLAINING? I'M KISSING. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHEN YOU NEVER BRING ANY OF YOURS AROUND.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

I'VE NEVER MET ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS, DAMIAN.

IT'S WEIRD. WHAT, DO I EMBARRASS YOU?

NO, WOMAN. THAT'S CRAZY. Y-YOU'RE MY GIRL.

IT'S JUST... YOU KNOW,

THE OPPORTUNITY HASN'T PRESENTED ITSELF YET, THAT'S ALL.

WELL...

IT'S PRESENTING ITSELF RIGHT NOW.

♪♪♪

♪ WELL, SURE IT NEVER USED TO BE ♪

♪ SO HARD ♪

♪ THIS HARD ♪

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO LATER?

I GOTTA MEET MAX.

YOU SEE HIM AT THE MOST RANDOM TIMES.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND

THIS ARRANGEMENT YOU HAVE WITH YOUR EX. THIS ARRANGEMENT'S WITH MAX, NOT WITH... MY EX.

WHAT? SO SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU SEE HIM?

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE USUALLY THAT STUFF

GETS WORKED OUT IN THE DIVORCE AGREEMENT. UH-HUH.

NOT DIVORCED, HUH?

NOT YET.

THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S... THAT'S REALLY SOMETHING.

WE WERE HEADED THERE.

BELIEVE ME, SHE LOATHES ME, ACTUALLY.

REALLY? WHAT'D YOU DO THAT WAS SO BAD?

I THINK THERE SHOULD BE A LIMIT TO THE AMOUNT OF QUESTIONS

YOU'RE ALLOWED TO ASK IN ANY CONVERSATION. STEVEN.

ANYA.

STEVEN?

AMONG OTHER THINGS, I DISAPPEARED FOR FOUR MONTHS...

ABRUPTLY. WHERE DID YOU GO?

WHERE DO YOU COME DOWN ON WICKER?

WICKER IS THE FURNITURE OF THE DEPRAVED.

FRENCH-OCCUPIED VIETNAM, 1954.

ALSO, WHEN YOU SIT ON IT NAKED,

YOU GET THAT CHECKERBOARD ASS THING. WELL, YOU HAVE TO GO, DON'T YOU?

YES, I DO, TO SEE MY SON... YEAH.

WHO WILL SOMEDAY FORGIVE ME.

NO.

♪ THIS AIN'T NO WAY TO BE ♪

♪ STUCK BETWEEN MY SHADOW AND.. ♪

♪ SUN'S GOING DOWN ♪

PUNCHER SHIRTS! CHECK IT OUT! NOBODY'S SAFE.

PUNCHER SHIRTS! MEDIUM, LARGE AND EXTRA LARGE.

PUNCHER SHIRTS! CHECK IT OUT!

NOT IN BERLIN, LADY. ONLY IN NEW YORK.

CHECK IT OUT! NOBODY'S SAFE!

HERE WE GO, RIGHT HERE. READY? NOBODY'S SAFE!

YOU WANNA PITCH OR HIT? I DON'T CARE.

YOUR ENTHUSIASM IS OVERWHELMING.

WHAT ARE WE DOING?

WE'RE TRYING.

THIS IS WHAT FATHERS AND SONS DO--THEY PLAY BALL.

SO PUT THE BAT ON YOUR SHOULDER,

STEP UP TO THE PLATE

AND PRETEND YOU'RE HAVING FUN.

ALL RIGHT. BEST PLAYER EVER?

I DON'T KNOW.

GIVE ME A NAME.

BARRY BONDS. BARRY BONDS?

OH!

NICE CUT. CHOKE UP, CHOKE UP, CHOKE UP.

TOO MUCH. TOO MUCH. TOO MUCH.

BEND YOUR KNEES. ELBOW UP!

I SAY WILLIE MAYS.

ALBERT PUJOLS.

DiMAGGIO.

OH! HUGE HIT!

UNBELIEVABLE! YES, LISTEN!

OKAY, LIKE, THE BEST BASEBALL PLAYER EVER?

BEST EVER EVER EVER.

I'D HAVE TO GO WITH THE "IRON MAN," LOU GEHRIG.

GREAT FIELDER, GREAT HITTER.

IN THE FACE OF TRUE ADVERSITY HE NEVER LOST HIS DIGNITY,

WHICH IS NO SMALL FEAT. YOU SHOULD KNOW, STEVEN.

PICKED UP HIS BASEBALL BAT ON CHESS CLUB DAY.

I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP. MOM, LET ME EXPLAIN.

YOU'RE IN TROUBLE. CHRISTINE, LISTEN.

GO WAIT FOR ME IN THE PLAYGROUND.

GO ON.

YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE, STEVEN.

I'M JUST TRYING TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH HIM.

SO YOU CAN TEACH HIM TO LIE AS WELL AS YOU DO?

HE WANTS TO BE HERE, TOO, YOU KNOW. HE'S A KID!

OF COURSE HE WANTS HIS FATHER OR HE THINKS HE DOES,

BUT YOU'RE JUST GONNA HURT HIM AGAIN.

WELL, MAYBE THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT. BASED ON WHAT?

WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU? CHRIS, COME ON--

STAY AWAY FROM HIM, STEVEN.

HOW'S HE EVER GONNA LEARN HOW TO HIT A CURVEBALL?

IF YOU GO NEAR HIM AGAIN,

I'M GETTING A RESTRAINING ORDER.

(male reporter speaking indistinctly on TV)

OH, YEAH. MM.

I SAW THAT ON THE FRIDGE. THAT'S WAY OVERDUE.

YEAH, I THINK I HAVE TO SAY "NO."

WHAT WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO GO? I DO. I JUST... UGH.

MY--MY FRIEND IS ABOUT TO MARRY THIS TOTAL CREEP,

AND I CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER I SHOULD TELL HER--

THE PUNCHER STRUCK AGAIN LAST NIGHT.

VICTIM NUMBER SIX WAS WALLOPED OUTSIDE OF HARVEY'S STEAKHOUSE

IN THE MEATPACKING DISTRICT.

IT HAS THE CITY PARALYZED WITH TERROR. UGH.

OH, YEAH. "TERROR." RIGHT. THAT'S TV NEWS FOR YOU.

SOME KNUCKLEHEAD WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES

GETS THE SAME HEADLINE AS A TERRORIST ATTACK.

WELL, HE HASN'T HIT A WOMAN YET, SO I'M NOT SCARED.

EXACTLY. YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT TERROR? MM.

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE LAST SUMMER. WHAT?

THERE WAS SOME GUY ON THE SUBWAY LICKING WOMEN'S TOES.

WHAT?! IT FREAKED ME OUT. EVERY TIME SOME GUY

KNEELED DOWN TO TIE HIS SHOE, I'D REACH FOR MY PEPPER SPRAY.

OH, GOD. YEAH. I DO NOT GET THE TOE THING.

ME NEITHER.

OKAY. LET ME ASK YOU THIS.

IF YOU WERE YOUR FRIEND, WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW?

OH, MY GOD. YOU LOOK GORGEOUS!

REALLY? I HAVE KNOWN YOU SINCE YOU WERE 15, WHIT. OKAY?

YOU'VE NEVER LOOKED MORE BEAUTIFUL.

THANKS, SARAH. I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT.

CAN YOU BELIEVE I GOT THIS DRESS OFF THE RACK? IT'S CLASSIC. IT IS SO YOU.

PUT THE VEIL ON. NO, NO, NO. I'M NOT GONNA WEAR A VEIL.

I THINK IT'S A LITTLE OLD-FASHIONED.

OH, CAN YOU GET THAT? YEAH.

HELLO? WHITNEY'S PHONE.

LAURA MORGAN? YES.

YES.

HI. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO CALL. I'VE JUST BEEN REALLY BUSY.

UM...

COULD WE MEET FOR A DRINK?

Yeah.

HOW ABOUT, UM, BAR FIVE AT 5:00?

OKAY. TODAY-- OH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

All right. I'll see you then. OKAY.

IT'S A NEW FRIEND.

HOPEFULLY, YOU'LL BE MEETING HER AT THE WEDDING.

SO HOW'S, UH, ROY HOLDING UP?

HE SEEMS TO BE VERY CALM ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. OH, IT'S GONNA BE AMAZING!

MMM. PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T GET ME STARTED AGAIN.

I'VE GOT TO GO BACK TO WORK.

YEAH.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

HEY, HANDS OFF. THAT'S MINE.

SORRY. SO...

WE ON FOR NEXT WEEK? I CAN'T DO NEXT WEEK, JESS.

YOU ADDED ANOTHER TO THE ROTATION?

NO.

I'M GONNA BE IN ANGUILLA... ON MY HONEYMOON.

OH, PLEASE. YOU'RE NOT REALLY GONNA MARRY HER, ARE YOU?

YEAH, OF COURSE I AM. I LOVE HER. AND YET YOU'RE HERE.

YEAH. I KNOW IT'S COMPLICATED,

BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S CHEATING UNTIL YOU'RE MARRIED.

YOU DON'T REALLY BELIEVE THAT, DO YOU?

YEAH, I--YEAH, I DO.

I'VE JUST BEEN, YOU KNOW, WHAT'S THE EXPRESSION?

SOWING MY OATS.

YOU SOWED ENOUGH OATS TO PUT GENERAL MILLS OUT OF BUSINESS.

YEAH, WELL, NOW THAT'S ALL GONNA CHANGE.

THE MINUTE I SAY "I DO," THAT'S IT.

I'M HERS.

COME ON, MAN. WHAT ELSE YOU GOT GOING ON TONIGHT?

I DON'T--THIS ISN'T GONNA GET WEIRD, IS IT?

NAH. NO. IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, REGINA FEELS LIKE I'M, YOU KNOW,

HIDING MY FRIENDS FROM HER. THAT'S ALL.

ARE YOU? NO. NAH. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

OKAY, MAYBE A LITTLE BIT. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

LET'S JUST SAY YOU'RE A LITTLE MORE RESPECTABLE

THAN A LOT OF MY OLD FRIENDS, MAN.

I MEAN, I GOT SOME GUYS I COULD INVITE OUT,

BUT, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE NOT... REALLY... LAWYERS?

RIGHT. RIGHT. HEY, LOOK,

I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION HERE. THAT'S ALL.

ALL RIGHT. YOU GOT IT. YEAH?

YEAH, I'LL GO. YEAH? THANKS, MAN.

FOR REAL. HEY, I OWE YOU. GOOD LOOKIN' OUT. ALL RIGHT.

♪♪♪

SO HOW IS THE WEDDING PLANNING COMING?

I HAD MY LAST FITTING TODAY,

AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS FALLING INTO PLACE. GREAT.

FUNNY, THOUGH. I HAVEN'T GOTTEN YOUR R.S.V.P.

I KNOW. I KNOW. I'VE JUST-- I'VE BEEN SO BUSY, AND...

AND I ACTUALLY REALLY WOULD LIKE TO...

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING. WHAT IS IT?

MARRIAGE IS HARD.

I'M

IT--IT--IT CAN BE WORK, YOU KNOW, ALL THE TIME.

AND SO YOU JUST, YOU KNOW...

SO YOU JUST-- YOU WANT TO BE SURE...

THAT YOU'RE SURE.

OF COURSE I'M SURE. OKAY. GOOD.

I MEAN, AND YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU'RE RUSHING INTO IT

WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER THREE YEARS,

SO, NO, NOT REALLY.

WHERE'S THIS COMING FROM?

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

I-I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN--IN--IN A DIFFICULT MARRIAGE,

AND THEN TO FIND OUT THAT

YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW THE MAN THAT YOU'RE WITH-- I THINK THAT I KNOW THE MAN THAT--

AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO MAKE THAT MISTAKE.

MISTAKE?

I'M GETTING MARRIED IN A WEEK TO THE MAN THAT I LOVE.

WHITNEY, WAIT-- I DON'T THINK THAT I'M MAKING A MISTAKE,

AND YOU BARELY KNOW ME... I KNOW--

SO I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE TALKING TO ME-- I KNOW. I'M SO SORRY. I'M SO--I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY. I DON'T THINK I REALLY NEED THIS RIGHT NOW.

I'M TELLING YOU, THE PUNCHER HAS A PATTERN.

THERE IS NO PATTERN. LOOK AT THESE PINS. IT'S A FREAKIN' PENTAGRAM.

WELL, IT LOOKS MORE LIKE A SNOWFLAKE TO ME.

YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY. THERE'S NO METHOD TO HIS MADNESS.

HELLO?

HEY, MAE. IT'S--IT'S CARLOS.

HEY, UH, WHAT'S UP?

QUESTION-- HOW'S YOUR SINGING?

MY SINGING?

IT'S GOOD... IN THE SHOWER. WHY?

You up for some karaoke tonight? The Gold Monkey?

YOU MEAN, LIKE A... LIKE A DATE?

Uh...

YEAH. WHY NOT? ACTUALLY, IT'S A DOUBLE DATE--

UM, MY BUDDY AND HIS GIRLFRIEND.

OH.

IS

NO. UH...

UH, IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE TO BABYSIT TONIGHT, SO...

OH, WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.

RAIN CHECK?

YEAH, SURE.

ALL RIGHT. TALK TO YOU.

BYE.

BYE.

BYE.

MAX?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

MOM SAID I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SEE YOU ANYMORE.

I KNOW.

WELL, CAN SHE DO THAT?

SHE'S MAD BECAUSE WE SNUCK AROUND BEHIND HER BACK.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT YOU IN THAT POSITION. I'M SORRY.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

WELL, THERE ARE EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES.

YOU MEAN BECAUSE YOU LEFT?

YEAH, BECAUSE I LEFT, AND BECAUSE BEFORE I LEFT,

I DID SOME THINGS THAT...

MADE IT DIFFICULT FOR YOUR MOTHER TO TRUST ME.

LIKE THE WATER PARK?

MAYBE, YES. LIKE THE WATER PARK.

LISTEN TO ME.

THERE'S NOTHING I WANT MORE ON EARTH

THAN TO BE WITH YOU ALL THE TIME.

HUH? YEAH.

BUT I GOTTA FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THIS THE RIGHT WAY,

SO I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOUR MOTHER.

SO FOR NOW YOU HAVE TO GO HOME.

OKAY?

IT'LL BE OKAY. I PROMISE. I LOVE YOU.

HEY.

TAKE A CAB.

TAKE A CAB.

(siren wailing, helicopter whirring)

I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT MY RIGHTS ARE.

FIRST THINGS FIRST.

TELL ME WHY YOUR WIFE

WOULD SEEK TO THREATEN A RESTRAINING ORDER.

I'M SURE SHE FEELS I HAVEN'T BEEN

THE STRONGEST INFLUENCE ON OUR SON MAX.

IS SHE RIGHT?

WELL, THINGS HAVE BEEN A LOT BETTER

SINCE I CAME BACK.

YOU WERE AWAY?

FOR A FEW MONTHS. I HAD LEFT SUDDENLY,

WHICH AGGRAVATED THE WHOLE SITUATION.

WHERE'D YOU GO?

DOES THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE?

NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.

DISAPPEARING MAKES YOU IRRESPONSIBLE,

BUT NOT NECESSARILY DANGEROUS.

WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE YOU LEFT?

MR. CASEMAN, FATHER'S RIGHTS DON'T EXIST INSIDE A VACUUM.

I NEED CONTEXT.

I'M $400 AN HOUR.

YOU CAN SIT IN SILENCE OUTSIDE FOR FREE.

UH...

WELL, FOR ONE, I, UH, TOOK MAX TO A WATER PARK

FOR HIS 9th BIRTHDAY.

IT WAS BRIGHT AND NOISY AND...

AS THOSE PLACES TEND TO BE, ESPECIALLY WITH A HANGOVER.

I NEEDED TO TAKE THE EDGE OFF. YOU WERE DRINKING.

AND, UM...

IT WAS CROWDED--SATURDAY.

AND I MISPLACED HIM.

SECURITY FOUND HIM AND, UH, THEY WOULDN'T RELEASE HIM TO ME

RIGHT AWAY, SO THERE WAS AN ALTERCATION,

AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE, AND, UH, MY--

HIS MOTHER HAD TO FLY IN FROM A BUSINESS TRIP,

WHICH WAS TRAGIC. IT WAS, UH--

YOUR SON WITNESSED THE ALTERCATION?

I'M NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE.

LET ME BE CANDID WITH YOU.

FROM WHAT YOU'VE TOLD ME,

YOU'RE LOOKING AT A VERY LONG, EXPENSIVE COURT BATTLE

THAT YOU PROBABLY WON'T WIN.

♪♪♪

♪ IT'S ALL TOO MUCH TO TAKE IN ♪

I MEAN, THE POOR WOMAN! IT WAS HIDEOUS!

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO TONGUE-TIED IN MY LIFE.

I SAID, "MARRIAGE IS HARD."

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID?

YEAH, I MEAN, I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME EITHER.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, MAE?

THE THING IS THAT NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THE TRUTH... EVER,

UNLESS YOU'RE TELLING THEM THAT THEY'VE LOST WEIGHT.

YEAH, OR THE BABY IS BEAUTIFUL. YEAH.

OR SOMETHING...

HEY, WHO WAS THAT GUY WHO CALLED HERE EARLIER?

OH...

I'M SORRY, BUT I WAS,

YOU KNOW, I WAS WALKING BY, AND I-I OVERHEARD. NO.

IT'S TOTALLY FINE.

HIS NAME IS CARLOS.

CARLOS? OKAY. MM-HMM.

I HOPE THAT YOU KNOW THAT IT'S OKAY

FOR YOU TO HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE.

I MEAN, I WANT YOU TO HAVE TIME, AND... YEAH. YEAH, OF COURSE. OF COURSE.

IS HE A NICE GUY? YEAH.

SMART AND...

YEAH. WELL, WE ARE FRIENDS, AND...

I CAN'T... I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S HARD ENOUGH TO BE FRIENDS, RIGHT? YEAH.

I MEAN, I SEEM TO LOSE 'EM AS FAST AS I MAKE 'EM. MM.

♪ HARD AS IT MAY SEEM TO BE FILLED WITH... ♪

HI.

HEY, BABY, JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I'M COMING HOME.

Hello?

YEAH, I'M BACK AT THE OFFICE.

YOU SOUND STRANGE.

I, UM, FINISHED THE SEATING CHART. Excellent.

LAURA MORGAN'S NOT COMING.

YOU KNOW WHAT, LOVE? WE'LL SURVIVE.

I HAD DRINKS WITH HER TONIGHT. IT WAS PRETTY AWFUL.

SHE, UM...

BASICALLY TOLD ME NOT TO MARRY YOU.

I'M SO SORRY. I KNOW YOU WANTED TO BE FRIENDS.

WELL, YOU DON'T SOUND VERY SURPRISED, ROY.

LOOK, I'VE SAID MAYBE TWO WORDS TO THE WOMAN.

I HAVEN'T A CLUE WHAT GOES ON IN HER HEAD.

MISERY LOVES COMPANY, I GUESS.

YOU'RE SURE THAT'S IT?

OF COURSE I'M SURE.

NOW LOOK, I'M GONNA GET IN A CAB.

I SUGGEST YOU FIND ONE, TOO, BECAUSE THE MINUTE

I WALK THROUGH THE DOOR, I'M GONNA RAVISH YOU.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.

ROY?

ROY?!

THE STREET LIGHT WAS ON HIS FACE WHEN HE TURNED AROUND...

BEFORE HE HIT ME.

HE HAS DIFFERENT COLORED EYES.

LIKE A SIBERIAN HUSKY.

EXACTLY. YOU GOT A REALLY GOOD LOOK AT HIM.

THIS'LL HELP.

THANK YOU.

THIS IS INSANE. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I KNOW. WHAT ARE THE ODDS, HUH?

IT'S KINDA FUNNY.

HILARIOUS.

YOU'RE PART OF HISTORY, ROY.

YEAH, WELL, WE CAN TELL OUR KIDS ALL ABOUT IT,

OR ELSE WE CAN JUST SHOW 'EM

THE, UH, THE FAIRY TALE WEDDING PICTURES.

OH, GOD, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT.

YEAH, AND BY "FAIRY TALE,"

OF COURSE, I MEAN, "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST."

♪♪♪

ALL RIGHT, SO WHERE'D YOU GUYS MEET?

UM, WE MET AT A CLUB.

A NIGHTCLUB.

I MEAN, NOT DANCING OR ANYTHING.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, MAN! IT WAS OUTSIDE.

RIGHT, RIGHT, UH, DAMIAN GOT ME IN.

THAT'S NICE.

IT IS NICE. SO, CARLOS, NO GIRLFRIEND?

UH, YEAH, I GOT SOMETHING IN THE WORKS. OKAY.

BUT, UH, SHE WAS BUSY TONIGHT. OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.

DAMIAN TELLS ME THAT YOU ARE A LEGAL AID LAWYER.

WHAT'S IT LIKE ALWAYS, YOU KNOW,

DEFENDING THE BAD GUYS?

HEY, HEY, HEY, COME ON WITH THE INTERROGATIONS, PLEASE. I'M SORRY!

NO, NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. SHE'S VERY CURIOUS.

THEY'RE NOT BAD GUYS. THEY'RE PEOPLE--

PEOPLE THAT THE SYSTEM'S LET DOWN,

WHETHER IT'S POVERTY, BAD INFLUENCE,

AND THEY DON'T HAVE ANYBODY ELSE TO STAND UP FOR THEM

EXCEPT FOR ME. SO THAT'S WHY...

CARLOS! HEY!

HEY! I DON'T BELIEVE IT. YOU MADE IT!

YEAH, IT TURNS OUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK!

I DIDN'T THINK SHE WAS COMING. OKAY. UH-OH.

DAMIAN, REGINA, THIS IS MY, UH...

THIS IS MAE.

IT'S REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU. NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

HEY, HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK SO FAMILIAR TO ME.

I DON'T... REALLY?

I DON'T THINK WE'VE MET.

WELL, I'M A DRIVER. HAVE I EVER DRIVEN YOU BEFORE?

I DON'T THINK SO.

WHOO!

♪ EVERYWHERE I GO, EVERY FACE I SEE ♪

♪ EVERY STEP I TAKE ♪

♪ YOU TAKE WITH ME, YEAH ♪

♪ NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY ♪

SHOW 'EM HOW TO DO IT, GIRL.

♪ COULD IT BE THE DEVIL IN ME? ♪

♪ OR IS THIS THE WAY LOVE'S SUPPOSED TO BE? ♪

♪ IT'S LIKE A HEAT WAVE ♪

♪ BRICK ♪

♪ HOUSE ♪

♪ BAD COMPANY ♪

♪ TILL THE DAY I DIE ♪

♪ TILL THE DAY I DIE ♪

THAT'S NOT BAD, RIGHT?

HEY, HEY, YOU-- YOU WERE PRETTY GOOD.

THAT WAS AMAZING. THAT WAS AMAZING. I KNOW.

CARLOS, MAN, I MEAN, LIKE, I NEED TO BE

STRAIGHT UP WITH YOU. OKAY.

YOU HAVE...

NO SKILLS BEHIND THE MIKE.

SERIOUSLY, YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER SING AGAIN!

I'M SERIOUS, DAWG. PEOPLE COULD GET HURT. STOP.

OH, NO, YOU WERE-- YOU WERE VERY GOOD.

CAN I GET ANOTHER DRINK?

YOU HAVE A GOOD ONE HERE. YOU THINK?

YEAH.

SHE ALWAYS DOES THIS!

RIGHT WHEN YOU'RE GETTING READY TO LEAVE,

THEN SHE WANNA STOP AND DO HER MAKEUP, YOU KNOW?

HEY, WAIT, EXPLAIN AGAIN THIS BETTY AND VERONICA THING.

WHAT IS THAT? OH, IT'S SIMPLE. IT'S THE IDEA THAT, YOU KNOW,

EVERY GIRL IS EITHER ONE OR THE OTHER--BETTY OR VERONICA. UH-HUH.

YEAH, "ARCHIE" COMICS, RIGHT? RIGHT. RIGHT.

SO WHEN I FIRST MET YOU, I THOUGHT BETTY.

YOU KNOW, GIRL NEXT DOOR WITH THE BLONDE HAIR AND ALL.

BUT YOU'RE ACTUALLY VERONICA.

WAIT, VERONICA'S A BITCH.

OH, NO, NO! VERONICA IS NOT A BITCH!

SHE'S--SHE'S GOT LAYERS AND TALENT.

TALENT? UH-HUH, OKAY. ALL RIGHT. YEAH.

OKAY, WHAT IF SOME DAYS I'M VERONICA, SOME DAYS...

I WOULD SAY YOU'RE VERONICA.

YEAH, YEAH, DEFINITELY VERONICA.

YOU KIDDING ME CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

CAN YOU GO ROUST THIS WOMAN OUT OF THE BATHROOM?

OTHERWISE WE WILL BE HERE TILL TOMORROW. YOU GOT IT.

GOOD CALL.

HEY, MAN, THANKS FOR THE INVITE. I HAD FUN.

YEAH, YEAH. HEY, UM,

CHECK IT OUT, MAN. HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW MAE?

I'M TRYING TO GET TO KNOW HER BETTER, YOU KNOW?

LISTEN, DON'T ASK ME HOW I KNOW THIS, BUT, UH...

THERE'S SOME PEOPLE LOOKING FOR HER.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

NO, TRUST ME. YOU DON'T WANT ANY PART OF THAT.

COME ON. NO. REGINA--I'M TRYING.

COME ON!

YOU'RE RIGHT THERE!

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE WE SHOULD POSTPONE THE WEDDING.

I DESERVE THIS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I DO. I DESERVE IT.

GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE JUST FEELS LIKE A WAKE UP CALL.

THIS WHOLE THING MAKES ME REALIZE HOW TRULY...

CARED FOR I AM.

YOU KNOW, 50 YEARS FROM NOW

WE'RE GONNA BE STANDING SOMEWHERE LOOKING IN A MIRROR

AT TWO OLD FACES PUMMELED BY TIME.

AND I JUST REALIZED

I'M THE LUCKIEST...

MAN...

ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH...

BECAUSE I GET TO GO FROM HERE...

TO THERE...

WITH MY BEST FRIEND.

YEAH.

WE'RE BOTH LUCKY.

AH, AH, AH. SORRY.

IT'S FINE. IT'S KINDA SORE.

YOU'RE QUIET.

YES, I AM.

YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY?

FANTASTIC.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL...

BESIDES MAX AND I GETTING CAUGHT BY HIS MOTHER,

WHO I'M NOT DIVORCED FROM YET, NOT MUCH REALLY.

OH, WELL, HOW'D THAT GO?

WE HAD A LOVELY CHAT,

AND THEN SHE THREATENED ME WITH A RESTRAINING ORDER.

YOU THINK SHE'LL ACTUALLY GO THROUGH WITH IT?

♪♪♪

WHERE'D YOU GO WHEN YOU DISAPPEARED?

YOU KNOW, I CAN GO HOME AND SLEEP IF YOU'D PREFER IT.

YEAH, THAT'S A REALLY GOOD IDEA. BYE.

♪♪♪

I WENT TO MEXICO.

THAT'S A NICE PLACE.

YEAH. YEAH.

TO DRINK MYSELF TO DEATH.

GUESS IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, HUH? NO, IT DIDN'T.

NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING, THOUGH, BELIEVE ME.

I, UH, CONVINCED MYSELF

IT WAS AN ARTISTIC ODYSSEY OF SOME KIND, BUT...

♪♪♪

TOWARDS THE END,

AFTER AN INDETERMINATE NUMBER OF DAYS,

I WOKE UP ON SOME BEACH, STILL ALIVE,

WHICH WAS INFURIATING.

♪♪♪

THE FIRST THING I SAW WAS THIS KID

KICKING A SOCCER BALL WAY DOWN THE...

A FEW YEARS YOUNGER THAN MAX, PROBABLY.

JUST BY HIMSELF.

SOMEBODY'S SON.

♪♪♪

AND, I, UH, WAS FEELING PRETTY SELFISH--

AN ALIEN FEELING.

I JUST WANTED TO COME HOME...

SEE MAX.

♪♪♪

I LIKE YOU.

I LIKE YOU, TOO.

NOW I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA LOSE HIM,

BECAUSE OF MY STUPIDITY.

AND I'VE BEEN TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO BE STUPID.

BUT CHRISTINE CAN'T SEE IT.

CAN MAX?

♪♪♪

I LIKE YOUR FRIENDS, BY THE WAY.

YOU KNOW, I MET DAMIAN LOOKING FOR YOU.

REALLY?

YEAH. SMALL WORLD, I GUESS.

YEAH.

MAE...

DAMIAN SEEMED TO THINK HE KNEW SOMETHING ABOUT YOU.

MAE!

MAE! WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE GOT THE PUNCHER! WE GOT THE PUNCHER!

COME ON, LET'S GET HIM IN THE CAR.

YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE COMING AFTER YOU!

HA! YEAH, THAT DIDN'T FREAK YOU OUT? OH, COME ON, MAE.

COME ON. JUST BE HONEST WITH ME.

I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.

PLEASE...

I HAD A REALLY FUN NIGHT, CARLOS.

WHAT?

NO WAY.

OH, MY GOD.

I MUST BE IMPROVING.

EUGENE'S CONTEMPT FOR MY DANCING

WAS RATHER MUFFLED THIS MORNING.

WELL, YOU ARE, HONEY. YOU ONLY SMASHED THREE OF MY TOES.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO KISS THEM FOR YOU? NO.

YOU KNOW, I WOULD. HEY, THEY CAUGHT THE PUNCHER!

EXCELLENT!

WHIT! WHIT! WHIT! WHIT! WHIT!

I THINK I GOT IT! I THINK I'VE GOT IT!

I SERIOUSLY THINK I'VE GOT IT!

ONE, TWO, THREE...

YES! YES! YES! YES! YOU'RE GONNA BE SO PROUD OF ME!

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LET ME SHOW YOU. COME ON, COME ON.

SERIOUSLY, LET ME SHOW YOU. AND ONE, TWO, THREE...

TWO, TWO

I GOT IT! I GOT IT! AAH!

AAH!

YOU ALWAYS BRUSH YOUR TEETH IN THE KITCHEN SINK?

THE SINK IN THE BATHROOM'S CLOGGED.

IS THE SHOWER WORKING?

UH-HUH.

GOOD.

BUT MY ROOMMATE'S IN IT. OH.

AH. I KEEP TRYING TO PRETEND HE DOESN'T EXIST.

AAH! DON'T!

JUST--I'M GONNA TURN IT OFF. I'M GONNA TURN IT OFF.

HEY, MAX. Dad, you gotta come.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU. WHAT?

I'm in the park with Paul, and we were climbing trees. WHERE?

And I fell and hurt myself. WHERE ARE YOU?

Same place as yesterday. OKAY, HOLD ON, DO NOT MOVE. DO YOU HEAR ME? DO NOT MOVE!

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

MAX!

HEY, DO YOU KNOW A KID NAMED MAX, HUH?

DID YOU SEE A KID FALL HERE, HUH? NO.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? HE'S OKAY?

HE'S FINE. HUH?

HE'S FINE. HE CALLED US BOTH SO THAT--

SO WHAT? SO WE'D TALK.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME. MAX!

HE SET US UP?

HE SET US UP.

OH, MY GOD.

GOD, YOU'RE DRENCHED.

I-I HAVE BEEN RUNNING FOR...

I HAVE NEVER RUN LIKE THAT.

I RAN--MY GOD, IF I HAVE A HEART ATTACK,

I THINK YOU SHOULD GROUND HIM.

IF I LIVE, I'M GONNA KILL HIM.

YOU OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.

GREAT.

LISTEN...

CHRIS, I KNOW YOU HAVE

A NUMBER OF REASONS NOT TO TRUST ME,

BUT MAX AND I HAVE BEEN HAVING A GOOD TIME.

YEAH, I KNOW.

YOU RAISED A GOOD KID...

MOSTLY BY YOURSELF. I JUST WANNA PITCH IN.

I THINK HE WOULD LIKE THAT, TOO.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

HOW IMPORTANT IS IT FOR A KID

TO LEARN HOW TO HIT A CURVEBALL?

OH, MY GOD. IT'S THE GATEWAY SKILL

TO ALL THINGS DECENT AND MANLY. YOU KNOW HOW TO HIT A CURVE,

YOU NEVER LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP,

AND YOU ALWAYS REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES.

I JUST WANT HIM... A COUPLE OF TIMES A WEEK.

YOU CAN HAVE ONE... ON A TRIAL BASIS.

THANK YOU. I'LL TAKE IT.

THANK YOU.

LOOK, YO, I LOST MY FATHER, MY SISTER AND MY JOB.

HEY, HOW Y'ALL DOING? YO, I JUST LOST MY CAT...

"ACCORDING TO THE DETAILS...

"BY HIS LATEST VICTIM.

"THE PUNCHER WAS SPOTTED IN THE WEST VILLAGE LAST NIGHT

BY A SHOP OWNER WHO CALLED 9-1-1."

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS WOMAN?

CHEATING ON HER HUSBAND WITH SEVEN GUYS IN SIX MONTHS.

THE PUNCHER SHOULD'VE PUNCHED HER, IF YOU ASK ME.

SAVE HIMSELF A LOT OF TROUBLE, RIGHT?

I MEAN, NOT THAT HE'S THE SMARTEST OF VIGILANTES.

HOW COULD IT TAKE YOU SO LONG TO CATCH ON AND HIRE A P.I.?

WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND?

HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW YOUR WIFE WAS HAVING A SECRET LIFE?

WELL, IT'S HARD TO KNOW ANYBODY FOR REAL, BABY.

WELL, YOU KNOW ME. I GOT NO SECRETS.

YEAH?

HEY, DAMIAN, IT'S CARLOS.

Listen, man...

YOU REALLY GOT ME SPUN ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT...

ABOUT MAE.

WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME?

UH, YEAH, WE HAD A GOOD TIME, TOO.

No, we'll--we'll talk.

Yeah, we'll definitely talk.

LATER. ALL RIGHT, MAN, I'LL TALK TO YOU THEN.

WAS THAT CARLOS?

YEAH.

I LIKE HIM AND HIS GIRLFRIEND.

HOUSE OF CHAIRS IS HAVING A SALE ON WICKER.

COME ON.

I'M SO SORRY.

YOU KNEW, AND YOU TRIED TO TELL ME.

I DIDN'T KNOW HOW.

COME HERE.

IT'S AN EXTRA LARGE.

"FREE THE PUNCHER." CHECK IT OUT!

"FREE THE PUNCHER" SHIRTS. CHECK IT OUT!

HERE WE GO! FREE THE PUNCHER!

LAST WEEK A ZERO. NOW HE'S A HERO!

$15. MEDIUM, LARGE AND EXTRA LARGE!

FREE THE PUNCHER! LET HIM OUT. LET HIM OUT! HE'S THE MAN!

2 FOR $20. THERE YOU GO. FREE THE PUNCHER! HERE WE GO!

FREE THE PUNCHER! 2 FOR $20! FREE THE PUNCHER!