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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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(classical music)
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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- I don't know what the
fuck happened, okay?
5
00:00:18,068 --> 00:00:19,379
Things just got fucked up, alright
6
00:00:19,379 --> 00:00:22,878
and no one will fucking
call me, and I'm a big joke
7
00:00:22,878 --> 00:00:24,173
and the critics.
8
00:00:24,173 --> 00:00:26,411
- Pauly, you don't know
what you're talking about.
9
00:00:26,411 --> 00:00:28,457
You're great, the people love you.
10
00:00:28,457 --> 00:00:29,971
You have a following.
11
00:00:29,971 --> 00:00:32,166
"Bio-Dome" was a great movie.
12
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,068
- Did you see "Jury Duty?"
13
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:35,294
- No.
14
00:00:35,294 --> 00:00:37,349
- Neither did anyone else.
15
00:00:37,349 --> 00:00:39,619
- Did you see "Hot Shots?"
16
00:00:39,619 --> 00:00:41,875
- God, I love that movie.
17
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,735
- Yeah, it was pretty good, wasn't it?
18
00:00:44,735 --> 00:00:48,902
My point is, Pauly, is that
we've all had our flops.
19
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,658
Some more than others.
20
00:00:52,658 --> 00:00:54,491
But it'll turn around.
21
00:00:56,110 --> 00:00:57,800
- Well how'd you do it?
22
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,312
- Talent.
23
00:00:59,312 --> 00:01:00,229
Good genes.
24
00:01:02,276 --> 00:01:05,074
I didn't come up with
some weird animal noise.
25
00:01:05,074 --> 00:01:06,586
(Charlie makes weird animal noise)
26
00:01:06,586 --> 00:01:07,694
- That's not the point, okay!
27
00:01:07,694 --> 00:01:10,444
It's--
(knocking)
28
00:01:11,479 --> 00:01:14,244
- Look, I gotta get back to the set.
29
00:01:14,244 --> 00:01:17,432
- Is there a part in there for me?
30
00:01:17,432 --> 00:01:20,441
Charlie, is there a part
in your movie for me?
31
00:01:20,441 --> 00:01:23,112
- Look, I'll talk to the director.
32
00:01:23,112 --> 00:01:24,972
I'll see what I can do.
33
00:01:24,972 --> 00:01:27,555
I'll tell him you're available.
34
00:01:34,524 --> 00:01:37,107
I'll tell him you're available.
35
00:01:41,678 --> 00:01:42,928
- Not for long.
36
00:01:57,504 --> 00:02:00,171
(Spanish music)
37
00:02:08,556 --> 00:02:09,473
- Oh, okay.
38
00:02:11,289 --> 00:02:12,122
Pablo.
39
00:02:13,531 --> 00:02:14,364
Pablo?
40
00:02:19,460 --> 00:02:22,043
(maid screams)
41
00:02:24,473 --> 00:02:25,934
- Topping the news this evening,
42
00:02:25,934 --> 00:02:28,319
actor, comedian Pauly Shore was found dead
43
00:02:28,319 --> 00:02:31,093
in a loft in his mother's
west Hollywood Hills home.
44
00:02:31,093 --> 00:02:34,986
Pauly, best known as The Weasel,
started his career on MTV.
45
00:02:34,986 --> 00:02:37,997
Went on to start in such
movies as "Encino Man,"
46
00:02:37,997 --> 00:02:41,552
(Tom sobs)
"Jury Duty," and "Son in Law."
47
00:02:41,552 --> 00:02:43,793
Autopsy reports will be
ready in just a few days.
48
00:02:43,793 --> 00:02:46,759
Many say he was a genius
who died before his time.
49
00:02:46,759 --> 00:02:48,061
- Genius?
50
00:02:48,061 --> 00:02:49,855
Genius of what?
51
00:02:49,855 --> 00:02:52,605
- We go to the streets now
to get the public's reaction.
52
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:54,377
- You know, he tried
to sleep with me once,
53
00:02:54,377 --> 00:02:55,537
and tape it.
54
00:02:55,537 --> 00:02:57,064
- Me too.
55
00:02:57,064 --> 00:02:58,397
- Did you do it?
56
00:03:00,363 --> 00:03:03,052
- Pauly Shore, dead at the age of 29.
57
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,530
- The kid wasn't fucking wired right.
58
00:03:04,530 --> 00:03:07,535
Any fucking jackass could've seen that.
59
00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:08,787
- The Hollywood
community is mourning
60
00:03:08,787 --> 00:03:11,183
the death of beloved genius, Pauly Shore.
61
00:03:11,183 --> 00:03:13,068
An erect penis!
62
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,890
That's what would appear
to be underneath the sheet.
63
00:03:15,890 --> 00:03:18,193
A strange turn of events here--
64
00:03:18,193 --> 00:03:19,899
- I guess it's true
what they say when you die.
65
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:21,300
You're a lot more loved.
66
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:22,862
That's probably why I did it.
67
00:03:22,862 --> 00:03:24,664
I was so sick of people
coming up to me every day
68
00:03:24,664 --> 00:03:27,458
and asking me what my next movie was.
69
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:29,270
How was I supposed to explain to my fans
70
00:03:29,270 --> 00:03:31,822
that my shit was tired, and
that I pigeonholed myself
71
00:03:31,822 --> 00:03:32,969
as The Weasel.
72
00:03:32,969 --> 00:03:35,425
They don't understand how Hollywood works.
73
00:03:35,425 --> 00:03:38,013
Lenny Bruce, John Belushi, and Sam Kinison
74
00:03:38,013 --> 00:03:40,219
all went down as comedic geniuses who died
75
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:41,821
before their time.
76
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:43,910
And now me, Pauly Shore.
77
00:03:43,910 --> 00:03:46,354
Look, before the media
blows it out of proportion,
78
00:03:46,354 --> 00:03:47,759
before Access Hollywood and Jerry Springer
79
00:03:47,759 --> 00:03:49,895
get a hold of it, let
me tell you the truth
80
00:03:49,895 --> 00:03:51,576
about how I got here.
81
00:03:51,576 --> 00:03:55,243
("I Want Action" by Poison)
82
00:04:03,621 --> 00:04:07,089
I was born and raised in
Hollywood, California.
83
00:04:07,089 --> 00:04:11,050
My dad's a comedian, and
my mom owns a comedy club.
84
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:13,412
And my mom didn't own
just any comedy club,
85
00:04:13,412 --> 00:04:17,577
she owned the world famous
Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip.
86
00:04:17,577 --> 00:04:20,155
The Comedy Store was like the
Emerald City for comedians.
87
00:04:20,155 --> 00:04:21,717
Everyone started out there.
88
00:04:21,717 --> 00:04:23,060
Everyone.
89
00:04:23,060 --> 00:04:24,979
And I remember one time my
mom even had Sam Kinison
90
00:04:24,979 --> 00:04:26,638
babysit for me.
91
00:04:26,638 --> 00:04:27,563
(Sam yells)
92
00:04:27,563 --> 00:04:28,687
yeah, thanks mom.
93
00:04:28,687 --> 00:04:31,265
I guess Charles Manson was
out of your price range.
94
00:04:31,265 --> 00:04:33,159
And the best part about my mom, though?
95
00:04:33,159 --> 00:04:34,803
She's been partying her whole life,
96
00:04:34,803 --> 00:04:36,406
which was great for me,
'cause I was the first
97
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,739
baby born with the munchies.
98
00:04:48,216 --> 00:04:49,561
Dude, you forgot to flush, man.
99
00:04:49,561 --> 00:04:50,394
Be cool.
- I did.
100
00:04:50,394 --> 00:04:51,875
I'm flushing now, man.
101
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,095
- Nah, my name's not The Weasel.
102
00:04:53,095 --> 00:04:56,914
My name's Paul Montgomery Shore, PMS.
103
00:04:56,914 --> 00:04:58,558
I was just like most kids.
104
00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:00,728
I was in Little League, I had braces.
105
00:05:00,728 --> 00:05:02,208
I even modeled.
106
00:05:02,208 --> 00:05:03,924
I went to Beverly Hills High School,
107
00:05:03,924 --> 00:05:05,604
and I wasn't on the football team.
108
00:05:05,604 --> 00:05:07,854
I was in the Dance Company.
109
00:05:08,823 --> 00:05:11,923
And after I graduated, I took
my acting very seriously.
110
00:05:11,923 --> 00:05:13,832
And then it finally happened.
111
00:05:13,832 --> 00:05:16,615
One night in the spring of '89.
112
00:05:16,615 --> 00:05:21,505
My manager got me an audition
for MTV at mom's club.
113
00:05:21,505 --> 00:05:24,555
And finally, I became The Weasel.
114
00:05:24,555 --> 00:05:25,388
Ooh!
115
00:05:29,215 --> 00:05:32,298
Cool, buddy (howls).
116
00:05:37,058 --> 00:05:39,738
My MTV show lead to movies, HBO specials,
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00:05:39,738 --> 00:05:42,326
strippers, and porno stars.
118
00:05:42,326 --> 00:05:43,275
Whoa!
119
00:05:43,275 --> 00:05:46,360
Yeah, I was living the American Dream.
120
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,543
And then one day, my so
called glamorous life
121
00:05:48,543 --> 00:05:50,489
came to a screeching halt.
122
00:05:50,489 --> 00:05:53,363
(Pauly yells)
123
00:05:53,363 --> 00:05:55,432
I got the most devastating news ever.
124
00:05:55,432 --> 00:05:57,803
No, not genitals warts.
125
00:05:57,803 --> 00:05:58,928
Worse.
126
00:05:58,928 --> 00:06:00,761
I got a sitcom on Fox.
127
00:06:02,185 --> 00:06:06,102
After that, everything
else got kind of blurry.
128
00:06:14,379 --> 00:06:17,200
- Pauly, where'd
you get all that cash?
129
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,499
- I found some
loose change in the sofa.
130
00:06:19,499 --> 00:06:20,659
- That is one of the perks about
131
00:06:20,659 --> 00:06:21,726
being your best friend.
132
00:06:21,726 --> 00:06:23,770
All that trickle-down cashe.
133
00:06:23,770 --> 00:06:26,018
- We have to hurry home,
'cause my dad's got a big
134
00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:27,860
surprise waiting for me.
135
00:06:27,860 --> 00:06:29,328
- Alright, alright.
136
00:06:29,328 --> 00:06:31,724
- Wow, check out those girls.
137
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,641
They're scoping us out.
138
00:06:37,255 --> 00:06:38,601
- You must be Pauly.
139
00:06:38,601 --> 00:06:41,601
- You must be my dad's big surprise.
140
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:43,479
- What!?
141
00:06:43,479 --> 00:06:45,163
- It's a good thing we're below sea level.
142
00:06:45,163 --> 00:06:46,413
Down periscope!
143
00:06:47,978 --> 00:06:49,977
- Oh, honey you gotta get in here.
144
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,388
You gotta see this shit.
145
00:06:51,388 --> 00:06:53,707
This is the worst fucking
show I've ever seen.
146
00:06:53,707 --> 00:06:55,410
- Now Don is Carol.
147
00:06:55,410 --> 00:06:56,331
- Oh, well wait, wait, wait.
148
00:06:56,331 --> 00:06:58,410
I want to be Jan.
149
00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:01,164
So I can sleep in the
same room with Marsha.
150
00:07:01,164 --> 00:07:02,559
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.
151
00:07:02,559 --> 00:07:04,892
Why does she get everything?
152
00:07:05,868 --> 00:07:08,730
- Oh my God, I hate this fucking country.
153
00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:11,446
- Dude, I have bras
that work harder than you.
154
00:07:11,446 --> 00:07:13,611
- Yeah, well your bras may
be working, but it looks
155
00:07:13,611 --> 00:07:15,821
like your panties took the day off.
156
00:07:15,821 --> 00:07:16,654
- Ha, yo!
157
00:07:17,508 --> 00:07:20,758
This nigga Pauly is fucking crazy, man.
158
00:07:22,657 --> 00:07:23,731
- You father listens to me, you know.
159
00:07:23,731 --> 00:07:24,729
I have his ear.
160
00:07:24,729 --> 00:07:26,110
- That's not the only
thing you have of his.
161
00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:30,277
- You ever seen Pauly and
then you see Pauly on weed.
162
00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:38,073
Oh my God.
163
00:07:38,073 --> 00:07:40,916
- Wow, that's a pretty nice rock.
164
00:07:40,916 --> 00:07:43,226
- Thanks, it's a four caret, emerald cut,
165
00:07:43,226 --> 00:07:44,726
blue eyed diamond.
166
00:07:46,564 --> 00:07:48,897
- Yeah, my mom's was bigger.
167
00:07:55,627 --> 00:07:56,860
Well that's it, you guys.
168
00:07:56,860 --> 00:07:57,693
- Oh...
169
00:07:57,693 --> 00:07:59,147
- Speech, speech.
170
00:07:59,147 --> 00:07:59,980
- Speech?
171
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:00,813
- Yeah.
172
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:01,646
- Speech?
173
00:08:01,646 --> 00:08:02,479
- Yeah.
174
00:08:02,479 --> 00:08:03,664
- Okay.
175
00:08:03,664 --> 00:08:04,625
Oh man.
176
00:08:04,625 --> 00:08:08,792
Well first of all, I want to
thank you guys for being here.
177
00:08:09,634 --> 00:08:11,537
That means a lot to me.
178
00:08:11,537 --> 00:08:14,442
I got to thank my manager,
Mitch, and my agent, David,
179
00:08:14,442 --> 00:08:17,240
for packaging this show.
180
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,847
I want to thank my girlfriend,
Zoey, for her patience
181
00:08:20,847 --> 00:08:24,560
and understanding during
my hectic work schedule.
182
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,575
I love you, princess.
183
00:08:25,575 --> 00:08:27,622
- Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.
184
00:08:27,622 --> 00:08:29,503
- Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.
185
00:08:29,503 --> 00:08:31,153
I'd also like to thank
my best friend, Kirk,
186
00:08:31,153 --> 00:08:32,513
who was always there for
me when I was doubting
187
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:34,177
the show's premise.
188
00:08:34,177 --> 00:08:37,305
Playing a spoiled rich kid from Brentwood.
189
00:08:37,305 --> 00:08:40,180
I mean how perfect is that for me?
190
00:08:40,180 --> 00:08:41,430
- It's awesome.
191
00:08:43,471 --> 00:08:45,971
- To our, new, sitcom!
192
00:08:47,245 --> 00:08:48,120
Woo!
- The last time I saw
193
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,066
a steaming piece of shit that big,
194
00:08:50,066 --> 00:08:51,693
I was standing outside
the elephant compound
195
00:08:51,693 --> 00:08:53,210
at the fucking zoo.
196
00:08:53,210 --> 00:08:55,864
- Yeah, I can't believe
the network didn't pull it
197
00:08:55,864 --> 00:08:57,759
after the first commercial break.
198
00:08:57,759 --> 00:08:59,605
- I swear, I swear I'm gonna puke.
199
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:01,458
You got some Tums or something?
200
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,701
- I only a few more minutes
left, and then I'll meet
201
00:09:02,701 --> 00:09:04,091
you guys at the club.
202
00:09:04,091 --> 00:09:05,677
- Well tell Dormin you're coming.
203
00:09:05,677 --> 00:09:07,228
- Don't be late.
204
00:09:07,228 --> 00:09:08,061
- I won't.
205
00:09:09,524 --> 00:09:11,553
- I thought Pauly's show was funny.
206
00:09:11,553 --> 00:09:13,122
- Oh yeah, it was...
207
00:09:13,122 --> 00:09:14,622
It was hysterical.
208
00:09:15,533 --> 00:09:16,662
So what's your name?
209
00:09:16,662 --> 00:09:17,787
- Ashley, what's yours?
210
00:09:17,787 --> 00:09:19,415
- Tom.
211
00:09:19,415 --> 00:09:22,510
- You're that creepy guy
from all those movies, huh?
212
00:09:22,510 --> 00:09:25,251
- No, that's Michael Madsen.
213
00:09:25,251 --> 00:09:26,749
- Oh.
214
00:09:26,749 --> 00:09:29,892
- So uh, how you getting home?
215
00:09:29,892 --> 00:09:32,073
- My mom's picking me up.
216
00:09:32,073 --> 00:09:32,990
- Your mom?
217
00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:36,610
How about I take you home?
218
00:09:37,506 --> 00:09:38,339
- I dunno.
219
00:09:39,895 --> 00:09:41,096
- Come on.
220
00:09:41,096 --> 00:09:44,179
I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll...
221
00:09:46,993 --> 00:09:48,420
- Okay.
222
00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:49,915
- God, that's lame.
223
00:09:49,915 --> 00:09:51,863
- Yeah, yeah of course
I want my usual table.
224
00:09:51,863 --> 00:09:53,367
What the hell is wrong with you people?
225
00:09:53,367 --> 00:09:54,534
Just hold it a sec.
226
00:09:54,534 --> 00:09:56,499
Pauly, I got to tell you,
that is the funniest sitcom
227
00:09:56,499 --> 00:09:58,034
I have ever produced.
228
00:09:58,034 --> 00:09:59,781
No, it'll run a decade, 10 years easy.
229
00:09:59,781 --> 00:10:01,253
I'll call you in the
morning when I find out
230
00:10:01,253 --> 00:10:02,386
what the ratings are.
231
00:10:02,386 --> 00:10:04,680
- Mitch, Mitch wait.
232
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,538
I just want to say thanks for everything.
233
00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:09,270
- Listen Pauly, everything
we've worked so hard
234
00:10:09,270 --> 00:10:11,483
at in the last eight
years has come together
235
00:10:11,483 --> 00:10:13,400
just as planned, buddy.
236
00:10:14,453 --> 00:10:16,194
- Yeah you know, stinky buddy.
237
00:10:16,194 --> 00:10:18,892
Stinky piece of shit, buddy.
238
00:10:18,892 --> 00:10:21,489
Going down the toilet, buddy.
239
00:10:21,489 --> 00:10:22,946
The fuck that guy does.
240
00:10:22,946 --> 00:10:24,448
- I'll tell you what he does:
241
00:10:24,448 --> 00:10:26,115
he exists, he lives.
242
00:10:27,164 --> 00:10:31,331
He could be incinerated by
the heat from a thousand suns.
243
00:10:32,181 --> 00:10:33,840
It would be too good.
244
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,211
- The second somebody put a
microphone in his hand, right?
245
00:10:36,211 --> 00:10:38,031
And they said, "Hey, it's okay to talk,"
246
00:10:38,031 --> 00:10:40,124
that's when the fucking trouble began.
247
00:10:40,124 --> 00:10:41,681
If my mommy owned a comedy club too,
248
00:10:41,681 --> 00:10:45,014
I'd be on fucking top too, motherfucker.
249
00:10:48,290 --> 00:10:49,541
- Hey Trevorina,
you're the architect
250
00:10:49,541 --> 00:10:50,705
of the stars, right?
251
00:10:50,705 --> 00:10:52,010
- Absolutely.
252
00:10:52,010 --> 00:10:53,950
- How long do these
sitcoms keep you working for?
253
00:10:53,950 --> 00:10:55,836
What is it, five, 10, 15 years?
254
00:10:55,836 --> 00:10:57,927
- How many episodes did the network order?
255
00:10:57,927 --> 00:10:58,760
- Six.
256
00:11:00,789 --> 00:11:01,772
Wait, what're you doing?
257
00:11:01,772 --> 00:11:02,740
Give me back my pen!
258
00:11:02,740 --> 00:11:03,962
- Six episodes?
259
00:11:03,962 --> 00:11:05,843
- It's just to start with.
260
00:11:05,843 --> 00:11:07,566
They're gonna order more episodes.
261
00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:08,609
- It's your manager.
262
00:11:08,609 --> 00:11:09,920
- Hey!
263
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,039
Hey, Mitch!
264
00:11:11,039 --> 00:11:12,865
- Pauly, you are not gonna believe this.
265
00:11:12,865 --> 00:11:13,906
Are you sittin' down?
266
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:15,026
- Yeah.
267
00:11:15,026 --> 00:11:17,243
- It was the lowest rated
show in Fox history.
268
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,076
- What?
269
00:11:19,103 --> 00:11:20,934
- Yeah, it didn't
even break the top 100.
270
00:11:20,934 --> 00:11:22,482
- What about people in
the middle of the country?
271
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,356
- Hey, I dunno.
272
00:11:23,356 --> 00:11:24,356
They're pinheads.
273
00:11:24,356 --> 00:11:25,705
I guess they're watching
Springer reruns, I dunno.
274
00:11:25,705 --> 00:11:27,031
- That's okay, that's okay
275
00:11:27,031 --> 00:11:28,623
'cause it's the pilot episode, right?
276
00:11:28,623 --> 00:11:30,394
It took Seinfeld a year to catch on.
277
00:11:30,394 --> 00:11:32,955
- Pauly, brace yourself.
278
00:11:32,955 --> 00:11:34,042
Are you braced?
279
00:11:34,042 --> 00:11:35,212
- Yeah, I'm braced.
280
00:11:35,212 --> 00:11:37,446
- Yeah, they canceled your sitcom.
281
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:38,566
- Canceled?
282
00:11:38,566 --> 00:11:39,954
Just like that!?
283
00:11:39,954 --> 00:11:40,905
- Well hey, come on.
284
00:11:40,905 --> 00:11:42,045
Did you read the reviews?
285
00:11:42,045 --> 00:11:43,258
- You told me not to.
286
00:11:43,258 --> 00:11:45,064
- Entertainment Monthly gave it an F.
287
00:11:45,064 --> 00:11:48,822
They said, and I quote,
"Sucks worse than gravity."
288
00:11:48,822 --> 00:11:50,822
- So the nine minute air episode two?
289
00:11:50,822 --> 00:11:53,316
- You've been preempted
by When Animals Attack.
290
00:11:53,316 --> 00:11:55,174
- I can be attacked by animals.
291
00:11:55,174 --> 00:11:56,186
- Hold it, Pauly.
292
00:11:56,186 --> 00:11:58,051
I got another call.
293
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,116
I gotta take it.
294
00:11:59,116 --> 00:12:00,677
- Maybe it's the network, I'll hold.
295
00:12:00,677 --> 00:12:02,279
- As a matter of fact, it is.
296
00:12:02,279 --> 00:12:03,726
I got another show in the works with them.
297
00:12:03,726 --> 00:12:04,800
- Staring who?
298
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,838
- I dunno, it's
my production deal.
299
00:12:06,838 --> 00:12:08,365
- How'd you get your own production deal?
300
00:12:08,365 --> 00:12:11,110
- Well, you know, by producing your show.
301
00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:13,323
Look, Pauly, I'll tell you what.
302
00:12:13,323 --> 00:12:14,938
This afternoon, I got some time.
303
00:12:14,938 --> 00:12:17,431
I'll call MTV, I'll see
if I can get you back on.
304
00:12:17,431 --> 00:12:18,975
- Mitch, look that's the
last thing I'm gonna do
305
00:12:18,975 --> 00:12:20,948
is go crawling back to MTV, okay?
306
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,430
- Gotta go!
307
00:12:22,430 --> 00:12:24,284
- Don't you hang up on me!
308
00:12:24,284 --> 00:12:25,796
(dial tone)
309
00:12:25,796 --> 00:12:28,463
(Pauly screams)
310
00:12:30,246 --> 00:12:31,744
- Listen, why don't we take
a drive to Santa Barbara,
311
00:12:31,744 --> 00:12:34,411
grab some lunch, clear the mind?
312
00:12:36,313 --> 00:12:37,737
You know, you might be a little shooken up
313
00:12:37,737 --> 00:12:38,886
by the news of the sitcom.
314
00:12:38,886 --> 00:12:42,079
- David, it has nothing
to do with the show, okay?
315
00:12:42,079 --> 00:12:43,332
I just...
316
00:12:43,332 --> 00:12:47,828
I just need to surround myself
with a new team, that's all.
317
00:12:47,828 --> 00:12:48,661
David?
318
00:12:51,014 --> 00:12:53,733
- I'm just a little choked up.
319
00:12:53,733 --> 00:12:56,631
Pauly, you sure you
don't wanna rethink this?
320
00:12:56,631 --> 00:12:58,048
- I already have.
321
00:12:59,486 --> 00:13:00,486
- Okay then.
322
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:02,894
Good luck.
323
00:13:02,894 --> 00:13:03,727
- Bye.
324
00:13:12,941 --> 00:13:13,858
- Hey guys?
325
00:13:16,953 --> 00:13:18,203
Pauly fired us.
326
00:13:19,219 --> 00:13:21,101
He finally fired us.
327
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:21,934
Yeah!
328
00:13:22,777 --> 00:13:23,610
Yeah!
329
00:13:25,047 --> 00:13:26,426
He fired us!
(office cheers)
330
00:13:26,426 --> 00:13:27,343
Yeah, yeah!
331
00:13:28,997 --> 00:13:29,830
Oh yeah!
332
00:13:30,788 --> 00:13:31,621
Yeah! Woo!
333
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,138
(Pauly yells)
334
00:13:43,138 --> 00:13:43,971
- Fuck!
335
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,367
Fuck, my head.
336
00:13:47,334 --> 00:13:48,167
Oh shit.
337
00:13:49,137 --> 00:13:50,804
Yeah, well fuck MTV!
338
00:13:52,493 --> 00:13:53,934
You guys are the whole reason why things
339
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:56,684
are fucked up for me now anyways.
340
00:13:58,762 --> 00:14:00,262
I gotta go to VH1.
341
00:14:01,235 --> 00:14:02,068
I gotta...
342
00:14:04,341 --> 00:14:06,853
So with the failed sitcom
and no representation,
343
00:14:06,853 --> 00:14:09,096
I wound up where all the
other out of work actors
344
00:14:09,096 --> 00:14:11,892
wind up in LA: The Coffee Bean.
345
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:15,277
Or I like to call it:
The Unemployment Bean.
346
00:14:15,277 --> 00:14:17,610
or in my case: The Has-Bean.
347
00:14:25,289 --> 00:14:26,892
- Oh yes sir, that's good too.
348
00:14:26,892 --> 00:14:27,760
And this one.
349
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:28,593
- Zoey?
350
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:30,451
Zoey?
351
00:14:31,603 --> 00:14:33,730
- Booger, what happened?
352
00:14:33,730 --> 00:14:35,131
- Look, forget what happened to me,
353
00:14:35,131 --> 00:14:36,347
what the hell's going on here?
354
00:14:36,347 --> 00:14:39,539
- A couple days ago, I met
this guy, Sal Goldstein,
355
00:14:39,539 --> 00:14:41,439
at the car wash and
he's helping me pick out
356
00:14:41,439 --> 00:14:42,333
the right headshot.
357
00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:44,471
Oh, and I'm also testing for Playboy.
358
00:14:44,471 --> 00:14:45,799
Sal knows Heff.
359
00:14:45,799 --> 00:14:47,418
- Well I don't really know him.
360
00:14:47,418 --> 00:14:49,027
I have a friend who knows
someone who's been up
361
00:14:49,027 --> 00:14:52,140
in the mansion a couple
times, and he met him once.
362
00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:53,380
- What's your friend's name?
363
00:14:53,380 --> 00:14:54,321
- Sal!
- Sal!
364
00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:55,171
- Sal, nice to meet you.
365
00:14:55,171 --> 00:14:56,904
- Hi, nice to--
- What's up, buddy?
366
00:14:56,904 --> 00:15:00,012
- Look, sweetie, let's
just get outta here.
367
00:15:00,012 --> 00:15:01,087
- Not now.
368
00:15:01,087 --> 00:15:02,950
I'm in a business meeting.
369
00:15:02,950 --> 00:15:04,456
- But I need you.
370
00:15:04,456 --> 00:15:06,873
- We'll see each other later.
371
00:15:08,057 --> 00:15:09,278
I'm sorry.
372
00:15:09,278 --> 00:15:12,195
(heavy rock music)
373
00:15:17,368 --> 00:15:18,791
- Hey, Pauly Shore?
374
00:15:18,791 --> 00:15:20,030
Pauly.
375
00:15:20,030 --> 00:15:21,983
- Fuck, what, what!?
376
00:15:21,983 --> 00:15:23,658
- I know...
377
00:15:23,658 --> 00:15:24,799
It must bother you people.
378
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,329
I don't mean to bother you or anything,
379
00:15:26,329 --> 00:15:27,610
but I'm from Florida.
380
00:15:27,610 --> 00:15:28,911
I'm in a band called Limp Bizkit.
381
00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:30,207
- Yeah, yeah what?
382
00:15:30,207 --> 00:15:32,130
- Well I was just thinking, I got a demo
383
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:33,458
and maybe you got...
384
00:15:33,458 --> 00:15:36,017
What happened to your face, man?
385
00:15:36,017 --> 00:15:38,165
- So what do you want me to do
with your fucking demo, what?
386
00:15:38,165 --> 00:15:40,218
- Well if you like it, maybe listen to it,
387
00:15:40,218 --> 00:15:41,574
pass it on to the people at MTV.
388
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:42,805
- Yeah, is that what you thought?
389
00:15:42,805 --> 00:15:44,395
Huh, what do I fucking
have a sign on my neck
390
00:15:44,395 --> 00:15:46,278
that says, "Loser, I
have nothing going on.
391
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:47,634
"My time is yours?"
392
00:15:47,634 --> 00:15:48,675
Huh?
393
00:15:48,675 --> 00:15:49,567
- Well...
394
00:15:49,567 --> 00:15:50,887
- In fact, what's your name?
395
00:15:50,887 --> 00:15:51,761
- Fred.
396
00:15:51,761 --> 00:15:52,634
- Fred?
397
00:15:52,634 --> 00:15:54,303
Yeah, Fred, that's a really
good name for a rockstar.
398
00:15:54,303 --> 00:15:56,414
What is it, fucking Fred Flintstone?
399
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:58,504
- Nah, Limp Bizkit.
400
00:15:58,504 --> 00:15:59,504
- Yeah, Limp Bizkit.
401
00:15:59,504 --> 00:16:00,723
Yeah, you guys are really gonna go far.
402
00:16:00,723 --> 00:16:02,755
What does that mean, shriveled up dick?
403
00:16:02,755 --> 00:16:03,588
Huh?
404
00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:07,555
- You know, man, you're a dick!
405
00:16:07,555 --> 00:16:09,487
We're gonna blow up one of these days bro,
406
00:16:09,487 --> 00:16:11,942
and I ain't never putting you in a video.
407
00:16:11,942 --> 00:16:13,692
Weasel-ass, punk-ass.
408
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,212
Who the fuck...
409
00:16:16,212 --> 00:16:17,630
Fuck you!
410
00:16:17,630 --> 00:16:18,880
Fucking faggot.
411
00:16:28,929 --> 00:16:31,769
- I believe he's upset.
412
00:16:31,769 --> 00:16:34,052
Pauly is supposed to follow
Married with Children.
413
00:16:34,052 --> 00:16:35,362
It says so right here.
414
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,310
- I know that, Bucky.
415
00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:40,460
- Then what's this sub-moronic crap!?
416
00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:41,796
- I don't think he's happy.
417
00:16:41,796 --> 00:16:43,942
- Goddamn Hollywood know-it-alls.
418
00:16:43,942 --> 00:16:46,319
Then numbnuts wouldn't know comic genius
419
00:16:46,319 --> 00:16:48,417
if it bit 'em in the ass.
420
00:16:48,417 --> 00:16:50,084
When Animals Attack?
421
00:16:51,138 --> 00:16:52,837
Hell, who wants to watch that shit!?
422
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,536
If I wanted to watch
that, I'd throw a porkchop
423
00:16:54,536 --> 00:16:56,580
in the yard and watch the dogs go at it.
424
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:57,413
Hell!
425
00:16:59,821 --> 00:17:03,106
This is my darkest hour
of television viewing.
426
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:06,819
This is worse than when
they replaced Bo and Luke.
427
00:17:06,819 --> 00:17:09,074
I need to laugh, I need The Weasel.
428
00:17:09,074 --> 00:17:11,269
And I need The Weasel and I need him now!
429
00:17:11,269 --> 00:17:13,733
- We could watch "Son in Law."
430
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:14,566
Again.
431
00:17:15,529 --> 00:17:18,779
- I want my Weasel, and I want him now!
432
00:17:27,791 --> 00:17:30,374
(Vern screams)
433
00:17:33,390 --> 00:17:34,640
- Jesus Christ, Pauly.
434
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,772
How many times do I have
to tell you, slow down
435
00:17:36,772 --> 00:17:38,148
around that fucking corner.
436
00:17:38,148 --> 00:17:39,255
- I'm sorry, man.
437
00:17:39,255 --> 00:17:41,826
I forgot you're my neighbor.
438
00:17:41,826 --> 00:17:43,836
Hey Vern, let me ask you a question.
439
00:17:43,836 --> 00:17:45,002
Who takes a bigger shit, huh?
440
00:17:45,002 --> 00:17:46,084
You or your dog.
441
00:17:46,084 --> 00:17:48,252
- Depends on who's seen "Bio-Dome" last.
442
00:17:48,252 --> 00:17:49,552
Ahh!
- Ahh!
443
00:17:49,552 --> 00:17:50,725
- I got ya, I got ya.
444
00:17:50,725 --> 00:17:51,558
- Ah.
445
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:54,144
- So how you been?
446
00:17:54,144 --> 00:17:55,727
- Good, things couldn't be better.
447
00:17:55,727 --> 00:17:57,248
So hey, you got the big opening coming up.
448
00:17:57,248 --> 00:17:58,586
"Austin Powers."
449
00:17:58,586 --> 00:18:00,102
Shagadelic, baby.
450
00:18:00,102 --> 00:18:01,399
"Oh, behave.
451
00:18:01,399 --> 00:18:02,712
"Oh behave."
452
00:18:02,712 --> 00:18:04,301
- Like I haven't heard that before.
453
00:18:04,301 --> 00:18:05,257
- Hey, so is Mike pretty cool?
454
00:18:05,257 --> 00:18:06,460
Mike Myers?
455
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,390
- Yeah, he's an awesome guy.
456
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:08,572
- Yeah, he does a lot of movies?
457
00:18:08,572 --> 00:18:09,707
- Shit load.
458
00:18:09,707 --> 00:18:12,730
- Think there's any parts in there for me?
459
00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:16,095
Vern, do you think there's any
parts in his movies for me!?
460
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,175
- I'll talk to him.
461
00:18:17,175 --> 00:18:18,395
I'll see what I can do.
462
00:18:18,395 --> 00:18:19,704
- Come on, hook up a boy.
463
00:18:19,704 --> 00:18:20,898
I'm your neighbor, bro.
464
00:18:20,898 --> 00:18:21,903
- I'll see what I can do.
465
00:18:21,903 --> 00:18:23,567
- Okay, sorry about the corner thing.
466
00:18:23,567 --> 00:18:24,606
- Don't worry buddy, just slow down
467
00:18:24,606 --> 00:18:25,852
around the corners, dude.
468
00:18:25,852 --> 00:18:27,111
- Okay, later.
469
00:18:27,111 --> 00:18:28,528
- Come on, Butch.
470
00:18:34,977 --> 00:18:37,144
- So how you doing, Pauly?
471
00:18:38,137 --> 00:18:39,054
- I'm good.
472
00:18:40,714 --> 00:18:43,522
- Um, after reviewing your money accounts,
473
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:46,327
and realizing that
you're not making as much
474
00:18:46,327 --> 00:18:48,947
as you used to, I think it would be best
475
00:18:48,947 --> 00:18:51,864
if you immediately sold your house.
476
00:18:53,023 --> 00:18:54,668
- God, I knew you were gonna say that.
477
00:18:54,668 --> 00:18:55,569
I just knew.
478
00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:57,380
Driving over here, I knew
you were gonna say that.
479
00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:58,538
- Jesus, Pauly.
480
00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,828
Why didn't you save your money?
481
00:18:59,828 --> 00:19:02,305
- Why didn't you tell me to save my money?
482
00:19:02,305 --> 00:19:04,734
- Listen, my job at this firm is at advise
483
00:19:04,734 --> 00:19:06,264
you in investments.
484
00:19:06,264 --> 00:19:07,750
At the end of the day, it's your money
485
00:19:07,750 --> 00:19:09,698
and you spend it how you want.
486
00:19:09,698 --> 00:19:11,794
You spent it like I
have never seen before.
487
00:19:11,794 --> 00:19:14,877
$5,000 a month on young, shaved boys?
488
00:19:17,297 --> 00:19:18,368
- What?
489
00:19:18,368 --> 00:19:19,902
- Oh, I'm sorry.
490
00:19:19,902 --> 00:19:23,091
I've got Elton John's
stuff mixed in with yours.
491
00:19:23,091 --> 00:19:24,573
Yeah, here we go.
492
00:19:24,573 --> 00:19:27,460
$3,000 a month on Swedish escorts.
493
00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:30,099
- Hey, at least I didn't
spend as much money as Elton.
494
00:19:30,099 --> 00:19:32,366
- You don't need an accountant, Pauly.
495
00:19:32,366 --> 00:19:34,582
What you need is help.
496
00:19:34,582 --> 00:19:35,415
Real help.
497
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:38,994
Now I know of a sex rehab in Arizona
498
00:19:38,994 --> 00:19:41,561
that you oughta check yourself into.
499
00:19:41,561 --> 00:19:43,882
I just got a six month chip.
500
00:19:43,882 --> 00:19:46,382
(Jewel moans)
501
00:19:54,644 --> 00:19:55,677
- Hello?
502
00:19:55,677 --> 00:19:57,325
- Hey.
503
00:19:57,325 --> 00:19:58,639
What're you doing?
504
00:19:58,639 --> 00:20:00,162
- What're you doing?
505
00:20:00,162 --> 00:20:01,412
- Watching you.
506
00:20:03,392 --> 00:20:05,303
Tell me what I like.
507
00:20:05,303 --> 00:20:06,964
- Not right now, Pauly.
508
00:20:06,964 --> 00:20:08,657
I'm doing my taxes.
509
00:20:08,657 --> 00:20:10,824
- Come on, but I need you.
510
00:20:12,124 --> 00:20:12,957
- Alright.
511
00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:17,033
First I'm gonna kiss
all over your stomach.
512
00:20:17,033 --> 00:20:19,591
Then we'll do reverse
cowgirl, then I'm going
513
00:20:19,591 --> 00:20:21,793
to suck your (beep).
514
00:20:21,793 --> 00:20:22,993
- Wait.
515
00:20:22,993 --> 00:20:24,197
Hello?
516
00:20:24,197 --> 00:20:26,032
- What're you doing, Pauly?
517
00:20:26,032 --> 00:20:27,153
- Hey mom.
518
00:20:27,153 --> 00:20:28,842
I'm doing my taxes.
519
00:20:28,842 --> 00:20:30,207
- You don't do your taxes.
520
00:20:30,207 --> 00:20:31,454
Come on over.
521
00:20:31,454 --> 00:20:32,704
- Just hold on.
522
00:20:37,264 --> 00:20:38,640
Quick, quick.
523
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,105
Tell me what I like?
524
00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:43,382
- Wendy's hamburgers, matzah and eggs,
525
00:20:43,382 --> 00:20:44,855
apple pie and raisen.
526
00:20:44,855 --> 00:20:48,772
- Mom, mom please wait.
- Pineapple and bananas.
527
00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:53,080
(Pauly yells)
528
00:20:54,573 --> 00:20:57,323
- Pauly, what's going on?
529
00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:58,240
- Oh, shit.
530
00:20:59,193 --> 00:21:00,528
- Are you okay?
531
00:21:00,528 --> 00:21:01,569
- Mom, I'm fine.
532
00:21:01,569 --> 00:21:02,805
I'm fine, okay?
533
00:21:02,805 --> 00:21:04,682
- I need you to come over.
534
00:21:04,682 --> 00:21:05,849
My head hurts.
535
00:21:07,312 --> 00:21:08,951
- I'll be over there in a sec.
536
00:21:08,951 --> 00:21:10,679
- 'Cause I got a headache.
537
00:21:10,679 --> 00:21:11,555
- I'm coming!
538
00:21:11,555 --> 00:21:13,555
- Hurry up!
539
00:21:15,667 --> 00:21:17,389
- I mean, it's just kind
of a momentum thing.
540
00:21:17,389 --> 00:21:18,791
- Well whatever the momentum is,
541
00:21:18,791 --> 00:21:20,900
it's not just going towards me.
542
00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:22,182
I don't have any momentum.
543
00:21:22,182 --> 00:21:23,765
- Oranges, oranges.
544
00:21:24,904 --> 00:21:26,126
Oranges!
545
00:21:26,126 --> 00:21:27,087
- It'll swing the other way.
546
00:21:27,087 --> 00:21:28,408
- Well it's gonna swing?
547
00:21:28,408 --> 00:21:29,971
- You just never know.
548
00:21:29,971 --> 00:21:32,493
You just gotta be ready
for when it does swing.
549
00:21:32,493 --> 00:21:33,505
- Right.
550
00:21:33,505 --> 00:21:34,338
- Oranges.
551
00:21:35,914 --> 00:21:37,980
Rico Suave Oranges.
552
00:21:37,980 --> 00:21:40,492
- Maybe we can hook up
after dinner, at the store.
553
00:21:40,492 --> 00:21:41,378
- Oh my God?
554
00:21:41,378 --> 00:21:42,545
- Orange, hey!
555
00:21:44,031 --> 00:21:44,864
Oranges.
556
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:47,973
- Rico?
557
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,160
- Pauly!
558
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,567
What's up, Weasel.
559
00:21:50,567 --> 00:21:51,753
Hey this is my son, this is Junior, man.
560
00:21:51,753 --> 00:21:55,349
- Chiclet, chiclet, chiclet, chiclet.
561
00:21:55,349 --> 00:21:57,565
- Ah, just like his daddy, bro.
562
00:21:57,565 --> 00:21:58,454
What's up, man?
563
00:21:58,454 --> 00:21:59,336
- Nothing, man.
564
00:21:59,336 --> 00:22:00,169
I mean how you been?
565
00:22:00,169 --> 00:22:01,002
What've you been doing?
566
00:22:01,002 --> 00:22:01,835
- Selling oranges.
567
00:22:01,835 --> 00:22:02,668
Come on, buy some, man.
568
00:22:02,668 --> 00:22:04,069
- Look, I was at the
supermarket, I just got
569
00:22:04,069 --> 00:22:05,205
a whole bunch of oranges.
570
00:22:05,205 --> 00:22:06,611
But hey, it was good seeing you.
571
00:22:06,611 --> 00:22:08,156
- Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.
572
00:22:08,156 --> 00:22:08,989
Come on, bro.
573
00:22:08,989 --> 00:22:09,822
Hey Pauly, come on man.
574
00:22:09,822 --> 00:22:10,655
Not in front of my son, holmes.
575
00:22:10,655 --> 00:22:11,488
Buy some oranges, bro.
576
00:22:11,488 --> 00:22:12,321
Come on, man.
577
00:22:12,321 --> 00:22:13,931
- Chiclet, chiclet, chiclet.
578
00:22:13,931 --> 00:22:15,141
- I don't have any fucking money, bro.
579
00:22:15,141 --> 00:22:16,590
- chiclet, chiclet!
580
00:22:16,590 --> 00:22:18,179
- Look, I gotta get outta here, man.
581
00:22:18,179 --> 00:22:19,225
I gotta go take care of my--
582
00:22:19,225 --> 00:22:20,332
- Where do you think you're going, fool?
583
00:22:20,332 --> 00:22:21,366
You know what, Pauly?
584
00:22:21,366 --> 00:22:22,273
Fuck you, Pauly!
585
00:22:22,273 --> 00:22:23,254
You fucking leave.
586
00:22:23,254 --> 00:22:24,140
Kiss my ass, man.
587
00:22:24,140 --> 00:22:24,973
You ain't going nowhere.
588
00:22:24,973 --> 00:22:25,806
- I got shit to do.
589
00:22:25,806 --> 00:22:27,608
- Oh hell no, fuck no.
590
00:22:27,608 --> 00:22:28,441
- Ow!
591
00:22:29,381 --> 00:22:30,945
Ah!
592
00:22:30,945 --> 00:22:31,778
- Jesus!
593
00:22:35,149 --> 00:22:35,982
- Asshole!
594
00:22:37,146 --> 00:22:38,517
- Who's Rico Suave, fool?
595
00:22:38,517 --> 00:22:39,987
Who is Rico Suave, holmes?
596
00:22:39,987 --> 00:22:40,823
Me!
597
00:22:40,823 --> 00:22:41,656
Motherfucker.
598
00:22:41,656 --> 00:22:42,489
Fuck him, Pauly.
599
00:22:42,489 --> 00:22:43,762
Say, "Fuck you, Pauly."
600
00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:45,711
I used to fucking hook
him up all the time.
601
00:22:45,711 --> 00:22:47,294
He can suck my ass.
602
00:22:48,517 --> 00:22:49,439
Fuck him, man.
603
00:22:49,439 --> 00:22:52,189
Come on, let's sell some oranges.
604
00:22:53,043 --> 00:22:56,626
(somber folk guitar music)
605
00:23:02,326 --> 00:23:04,633
- Hi Pauly, it's your mom.
606
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:06,290
I really appreciate you rubbing my head.
607
00:23:06,290 --> 00:23:08,169
I really feel much better.
608
00:23:08,169 --> 00:23:09,772
I love you, honey.
609
00:23:09,772 --> 00:23:10,605
Bye.
610
00:23:19,762 --> 00:23:21,567
- The only reason I ever
laughed at your jokes
611
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:23,469
was to get pussy.
612
00:23:23,469 --> 00:23:26,044
- But I need you, but I need you.
613
00:23:26,044 --> 00:23:27,169
- Knock, knock.
614
00:23:27,169 --> 00:23:28,047
- Who's there?
615
00:23:28,047 --> 00:23:28,880
- Pauly.
616
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:29,713
- Pauly who?
617
00:23:29,713 --> 00:23:30,546
- Exactly.
618
00:23:30,546 --> 00:23:31,437
(Mitch and Dave laugh)
619
00:23:31,437 --> 00:23:32,777
- Your 15 minutes are up, Pauly.
620
00:23:32,777 --> 00:23:33,610
It's over!
621
00:23:33,610 --> 00:23:35,344
- Pauly, you're so pathetic.
622
00:23:35,344 --> 00:23:36,680
- I want you dead.
623
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:37,513
- Freak.
624
00:23:37,513 --> 00:23:40,617
Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.
625
00:23:40,617 --> 00:23:42,754
- I'm never putting you in a video.
626
00:23:42,754 --> 00:23:43,727
- Not now, Pauly.
627
00:23:43,727 --> 00:23:44,560
I'm in a business meeting.
628
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,385
- I might kill you myself.
629
00:23:46,385 --> 00:23:47,502
- Pauly, I'm in a business meeting,
630
00:23:47,502 --> 00:23:48,937
business meeting, business meeting.
631
00:23:48,937 --> 00:23:51,437
(Pauly yells)
632
00:24:06,210 --> 00:24:07,919
- I think I got everything.
633
00:24:07,919 --> 00:24:09,937
- Want another squeeze before I go?
634
00:24:09,937 --> 00:24:10,770
- Oh, yeah.
635
00:24:10,770 --> 00:24:11,603
Come here.
636
00:24:14,291 --> 00:24:15,124
- You want crack, too?
637
00:24:15,124 --> 00:24:16,014
- Yeah.
638
00:24:16,014 --> 00:24:18,181
- Breathe in, breathe out.
639
00:24:23,555 --> 00:24:24,911
- You're all loaded up, brother.
640
00:24:24,911 --> 00:24:26,078
- Thanks, man.
641
00:24:26,936 --> 00:24:28,931
- What the fuck is he still doing here?
642
00:24:28,931 --> 00:24:29,764
Move.
643
00:24:30,768 --> 00:24:31,851
Jesus Christ.
644
00:24:33,613 --> 00:24:36,008
What the fuck happened to this place!?
645
00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:37,385
- We called, he was
supposed to be outta here
646
00:24:37,385 --> 00:24:38,258
a week ago.
647
00:24:38,258 --> 00:24:39,107
- Well he's not.
648
00:24:39,107 --> 00:24:40,226
- Well...
649
00:24:40,226 --> 00:24:41,508
- What're
you still doing here?
650
00:24:41,508 --> 00:24:42,696
- I was just getting ready to leave.
651
00:24:42,696 --> 00:24:45,115
- Well not till you clean this shit up.
652
00:24:45,115 --> 00:24:45,948
- Hi.
653
00:24:45,948 --> 00:24:46,868
- How are you?
654
00:24:46,868 --> 00:24:47,981
- Trevorina?
655
00:24:47,981 --> 00:24:49,299
- Oh, hi Pauly.
656
00:24:49,299 --> 00:24:51,449
- When are we adding the
two new floors to the house?
657
00:24:51,449 --> 00:24:53,058
- You're adding two new floors?
658
00:24:53,058 --> 00:24:55,144
- Yeah, two whole new floors!
659
00:24:55,144 --> 00:24:56,611
- Got a lotta trunks.
660
00:24:56,611 --> 00:24:58,133
Hey listen, sorry about the sitcom, okay?
661
00:24:58,133 --> 00:24:59,172
I just got myself one.
662
00:24:59,172 --> 00:25:00,419
22 on the air.
663
00:25:00,419 --> 00:25:01,593
- Congratulations.
664
00:25:01,593 --> 00:25:03,070
- Yeah, 22.
665
00:25:03,070 --> 00:25:04,347
- Yeah, anyway listen.
666
00:25:04,347 --> 00:25:05,404
Actually Mitch is the one to congratulate.
667
00:25:05,404 --> 00:25:08,654
He's my new manager, and he's
the one who got me the part.
668
00:25:08,654 --> 00:25:10,651
Listen, why don't you run
along to mommy's club, okay?
669
00:25:10,651 --> 00:25:12,207
Alright guys, let's go.
670
00:25:12,207 --> 00:25:13,502
In fact, fuck Mitch.
671
00:25:13,502 --> 00:25:14,981
He's the one who said this place was nice.
672
00:25:14,981 --> 00:25:16,223
It still fucking smells like Pauly.
673
00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:18,447
Will you guys please give me space.
674
00:25:18,447 --> 00:25:22,714
- God, I can't believe Carrot
Top moved into my house.
675
00:25:22,714 --> 00:25:25,213
And I can't believe I'm
moving back home with my mom.
676
00:25:25,213 --> 00:25:27,233
- I mean we had some
good times at your mom's.
677
00:25:27,233 --> 00:25:28,958
- Kirk, we were 12.
678
00:25:28,958 --> 00:25:30,708
So have you seen him?
679
00:25:32,099 --> 00:25:33,857
Kirk, have you seen him?
680
00:25:33,857 --> 00:25:35,002
- Nah.
681
00:25:35,002 --> 00:25:35,933
- Well why?
682
00:25:35,933 --> 00:25:37,164
- Well 'cause I haven't seen him--
683
00:25:37,164 --> 00:25:39,870
- Well when are you gonna see him next?
684
00:25:39,870 --> 00:25:42,425
Kirk, when are you gonna see him next?
685
00:25:42,425 --> 00:25:43,667
- Tomorrow.
686
00:25:43,667 --> 00:25:45,456
Tomorrow we're gonna have
a drink and that's when
687
00:25:45,456 --> 00:25:46,799
I'm going to see him next.
688
00:25:46,799 --> 00:25:48,585
- Well when you see him,
what're you gonna say to him?
689
00:25:48,585 --> 00:25:50,380
- "Pauly Shore's a good friend.
690
00:25:50,380 --> 00:25:51,988
"Can he come in and read
for a part in your movie?
691
00:25:51,988 --> 00:25:53,272
"It'd be cool, thanks."
692
00:25:53,272 --> 00:25:54,373
- Just like that?
693
00:25:54,373 --> 00:25:55,998
You gotta come from the heart, bro.
694
00:25:55,998 --> 00:25:56,902
We're friends.
695
00:25:56,902 --> 00:25:58,585
- I will mention your
name first thing tomorrow
696
00:25:58,585 --> 00:26:01,668
when I see him, I mean it'll be fine.
697
00:26:09,129 --> 00:26:10,956
- It was on last night.
698
00:26:10,956 --> 00:26:13,010
I was just flipping channels, you know.
699
00:26:13,010 --> 00:26:15,597
And I remember seeing the ads for it,
700
00:26:15,597 --> 00:26:17,241
the newspaper one, was out in the theaters
701
00:26:17,241 --> 00:26:19,345
and all of that stuff,
but I still couldn't...
702
00:26:19,345 --> 00:26:22,176
Then the title was over, I
didn't seen the end credits.
703
00:26:22,176 --> 00:26:24,176
It was like "Viraldome."
704
00:26:25,294 --> 00:26:26,988
You know, Baldwin's brother.
705
00:26:26,988 --> 00:26:28,248
- Which Baldwin?
706
00:26:28,248 --> 00:26:31,037
- The one that's like six,
or something or other.
707
00:26:31,037 --> 00:26:32,994
But the one who kinda...
708
00:26:32,994 --> 00:26:34,770
He has, his eyes are kinda always, like--
709
00:26:34,770 --> 00:26:35,840
- Yeah.
710
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:37,575
- He's the other guy in it.
711
00:26:37,575 --> 00:26:39,560
- That's the young one.
712
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,602
- It's the other guy with the brown...
713
00:26:41,602 --> 00:26:43,616
He's got kinda brown, curly hair.
714
00:26:43,616 --> 00:26:45,202
He used to be on MTV, and he had the girls
715
00:26:45,202 --> 00:26:48,580
around him all the time and that?
716
00:26:48,580 --> 00:26:49,999
"Aah."
717
00:26:49,999 --> 00:26:51,890
He always made noises.
718
00:26:51,890 --> 00:26:54,032
- He made noises?
719
00:26:54,032 --> 00:26:56,262
- I can't remember his name.
720
00:26:56,262 --> 00:26:58,480
I think Fisher Steven's available--
721
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,581
- There's a lot of guys available.
722
00:27:00,581 --> 00:27:01,888
- Alright, he made me laugh.
723
00:27:01,888 --> 00:27:03,471
- I make you laugh.
724
00:27:06,309 --> 00:27:07,565
- Pauly Shore!
725
00:27:07,565 --> 00:27:09,895
Step right up, meet Pauly Shore.
726
00:27:09,895 --> 00:27:11,109
Former celebrity.
727
00:27:11,109 --> 00:27:15,652
You remember him from MTV,
"Encino Man," "The Son in Law,"
728
00:27:15,652 --> 00:27:19,265
and all his many television appearances.
729
00:27:19,265 --> 00:27:20,710
Pauly Shore.
730
00:27:20,710 --> 00:27:24,706
Now he works parking
cars in his mom's club.
731
00:27:24,706 --> 00:27:26,487
- Parking cars in his mom's club!
732
00:27:26,487 --> 00:27:27,616
- Pauly Shore!
733
00:27:27,616 --> 00:27:28,779
Touch Pauly.
734
00:27:28,779 --> 00:27:30,304
Have a photo taken with Pauly.
735
00:27:30,304 --> 00:27:31,681
- Oh, I want a picture!
736
00:27:31,681 --> 00:27:32,970
- Just $1.
737
00:27:32,970 --> 00:27:33,887
Pauly Sho--
738
00:27:35,238 --> 00:27:36,261
Look at this.
739
00:27:36,261 --> 00:27:37,741
- Can I put my arm around you?
740
00:27:37,741 --> 00:27:38,574
- Yeah.
741
00:27:39,853 --> 00:27:42,810
(tourist yells)
742
00:27:42,810 --> 00:27:44,344
- Loved ya in that "Goofy Movie."
743
00:27:44,344 --> 00:27:45,795
- Yeah, that was great.
744
00:27:45,795 --> 00:27:46,888
- Come on, man.
745
00:27:46,888 --> 00:27:48,402
You always used to love that bit.
746
00:27:48,402 --> 00:27:49,710
- Yeah.
747
00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:51,764
But now it's true, man.
748
00:27:51,764 --> 00:27:52,906
- It's no big deal.
749
00:27:52,906 --> 00:27:55,831
- You know what, give me
my fucking dollar back.
750
00:27:55,831 --> 00:27:57,831
- What's wrong with him?
751
00:27:58,713 --> 00:28:00,755
- Yeah, so this is my loft.
752
00:28:00,755 --> 00:28:01,704
This is where I live.
753
00:28:01,704 --> 00:28:02,877
It's pretty cool.
754
00:28:02,877 --> 00:28:03,728
- Wow.
755
00:28:03,728 --> 00:28:04,561
- Come check this place out.
756
00:28:04,561 --> 00:28:05,632
Is this phat or what?
757
00:28:05,632 --> 00:28:07,425
It's like my little love capsule in here.
758
00:28:07,425 --> 00:28:10,055
It's where I make love.
759
00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:12,088
- Did anybody tell you that you look
760
00:28:12,088 --> 00:28:14,255
just like Richard Simmons?
761
00:28:17,097 --> 00:28:20,347
How about you give me your deal a meal?
762
00:28:25,645 --> 00:28:27,330
Ah, ah, ah.
763
00:28:27,330 --> 00:28:29,467
Not till I get my money.
764
00:28:29,467 --> 00:28:30,300
- Okay.
765
00:28:36,993 --> 00:28:37,826
- $83?
766
00:28:38,934 --> 00:28:41,934
- Wait, got an extra dollar tonight.
767
00:28:44,462 --> 00:28:47,253
- What do you expect me to do for $84?
768
00:28:47,253 --> 00:28:48,793
- Come here and I'll show you.
769
00:28:48,793 --> 00:28:50,184
- No, where's your phone?
770
00:28:50,184 --> 00:28:51,487
- What's the problem?
771
00:28:51,487 --> 00:28:53,224
- The problem?
772
00:28:53,224 --> 00:28:55,917
The problem is I get paid 500.
773
00:28:55,917 --> 00:28:58,165
Didn't Heidi tell you that?
774
00:28:58,165 --> 00:28:59,515
- Look, what's the big deal, man?
775
00:28:59,515 --> 00:29:01,114
At least I'm not some old guy.
776
00:29:01,114 --> 00:29:01,947
Wait, wait, wait.
777
00:29:01,947 --> 00:29:02,971
Hey look!
778
00:29:02,971 --> 00:29:04,162
Soft.
779
00:29:04,162 --> 00:29:06,329
I'm soft, come here, feel.
780
00:29:09,630 --> 00:29:10,667
Come here, look.
781
00:29:10,667 --> 00:29:11,541
Feel my butt.
782
00:29:11,541 --> 00:29:13,299
It's soft, right?
783
00:29:13,299 --> 00:29:14,132
See?
784
00:29:14,132 --> 00:29:15,250
- Oh, it is soft.
785
00:29:15,250 --> 00:29:16,083
- See, I told you.
786
00:29:16,083 --> 00:29:18,476
I'm like the Coppertone Baby.
787
00:29:18,476 --> 00:29:19,893
- Oh, it is soft.
788
00:29:21,783 --> 00:29:24,734
(Pauly yells)
789
00:29:24,734 --> 00:29:27,476
Now do the Grim Reaper Reach-Around.
790
00:29:27,476 --> 00:29:28,333
- The what?
791
00:29:28,333 --> 00:29:29,939
- The Grim Reaper Reach-Around.
792
00:29:29,939 --> 00:29:31,160
It's where you reach around.
793
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:31,993
Hmm, oh.
794
00:29:34,897 --> 00:29:35,981
Ow!
795
00:29:35,981 --> 00:29:38,063
What the hell!?
796
00:29:38,063 --> 00:29:41,206
- You wanted to know what I do for $84?
797
00:29:41,206 --> 00:29:42,373
I just did it.
798
00:29:43,494 --> 00:29:44,577
- Wait, wait.
799
00:29:46,210 --> 00:29:48,495
All I wanted to do was cuddle.
800
00:29:48,495 --> 00:29:50,078
- You are pathetic!
801
00:29:54,166 --> 00:29:55,962
(phone rings)
802
00:29:55,962 --> 00:29:57,659
- Hi, you've reached
Jewel De'Nyle residence.
803
00:29:57,659 --> 00:29:59,580
I am out dancing this weekend.
804
00:29:59,580 --> 00:30:03,096
If you'd like to see me feature,
I'll be in Tropical Lake.
805
00:30:03,096 --> 00:30:07,420
And Pauly, if it's you
calling, get a life.
806
00:30:07,420 --> 00:30:10,837
(melancholic rock music)
807
00:31:02,679 --> 00:31:03,846
- Who's there?
808
00:31:05,163 --> 00:31:06,746
I said who's there?
809
00:31:08,478 --> 00:31:11,027
- It's not Howdy-fucking-Doody.
810
00:31:11,027 --> 00:31:11,860
- Kinison?
811
00:31:12,715 --> 00:31:15,753
- You got that right, you little bastard.
812
00:31:15,753 --> 00:31:17,526
(Sam yells)
813
00:31:17,526 --> 00:31:19,074
- What the hell are you doing here?
814
00:31:19,074 --> 00:31:21,071
- I've been watching
you, checking you out,
815
00:31:21,071 --> 00:31:23,802
and as your guardian angel,
I've come to the conclusion
816
00:31:23,802 --> 00:31:25,691
that you'd be better off if you had put
817
00:31:25,691 --> 00:31:29,906
a bullet through your
fucking head (yells).
818
00:31:29,906 --> 00:31:31,920
- What are you saying, I
should just kill myself?
819
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:33,745
- Look, let me say this
in a way you understand.
820
00:31:33,745 --> 00:31:35,638
Take your life, buddy?
821
00:31:35,638 --> 00:31:37,405
You understand that, you fuck!
822
00:31:37,405 --> 00:31:38,347
- Why should I do that?
823
00:31:38,347 --> 00:31:41,149
- You'll go down as a genius
who died before his time,
824
00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:42,953
like me, or Belushi.
825
00:31:42,953 --> 00:31:44,745
Which would you rather be?
826
00:31:44,745 --> 00:31:46,803
A dead genius, or a living idiot?
827
00:31:46,803 --> 00:31:47,636
You idiot!
828
00:31:49,427 --> 00:31:50,621
- Dead genius!
829
00:31:50,621 --> 00:31:51,914
- Exactly.
830
00:31:51,914 --> 00:31:53,793
And plus, the party's great up here.
831
00:31:53,793 --> 00:31:54,987
- Up here?
832
00:31:54,987 --> 00:31:56,688
What do you mean, you're in heaven?
833
00:31:56,688 --> 00:31:59,273
- It's about who you know, brother.
834
00:31:59,273 --> 00:32:01,480
(phone rings)
835
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:02,923
oh shit.
836
00:32:02,923 --> 00:32:04,778
It's fucking Hendrix.
837
00:32:04,778 --> 00:32:06,519
He wants his Pokémon cards back.
838
00:32:06,519 --> 00:32:07,367
Hey, I gotta go, Weasel.
839
00:32:07,367 --> 00:32:08,344
I'll talk to you later.
840
00:32:08,344 --> 00:32:09,856
See you in hell, heaven.
841
00:32:09,856 --> 00:32:12,189
(Sam yells)
842
00:32:16,180 --> 00:32:17,564
- Sam was right.
843
00:32:17,564 --> 00:32:19,238
Get out while I was still ahead.
844
00:32:19,238 --> 00:32:21,510
End it all while the iron was still hot.
845
00:32:21,510 --> 00:32:25,547
The Weiz is dead, and
has been for a long time.
846
00:32:25,547 --> 00:32:27,464
Now I must destroy him.
847
00:32:28,383 --> 00:32:31,339
Unfortunately, there'll
be one person in my life
848
00:32:31,339 --> 00:32:34,339
who will be devastated with my loss.
849
00:32:35,315 --> 00:32:38,275
Dear mom, sorry it had to end this way,
850
00:32:38,275 --> 00:32:40,981
but I couldn't handle the
pressures of Hollywood anymore.
851
00:32:40,981 --> 00:32:44,353
You did a great job raising
me and it's not your fault.
852
00:32:44,353 --> 00:32:47,134
I just want to go to a better place.
853
00:32:47,134 --> 00:32:49,801
Please don't be sad, love Pauly.
854
00:32:55,305 --> 00:32:56,439
(gun fires)
855
00:32:56,439 --> 00:32:57,772
- Pauly, keep it down.
856
00:32:57,772 --> 00:33:00,855
I'm trying to get some fucking sleep.
857
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,116
- Hi, I'm Kurt Loder with MTV News.
858
00:33:06,116 --> 00:33:08,405
Comic and actor, Pauly Shore, know to fans
859
00:33:08,405 --> 00:33:10,656
as The Weasel, died in Los Angeles today
860
00:33:10,656 --> 00:33:13,073
of a self-inflicted
gunshot wound to the head.
861
00:33:13,073 --> 00:33:14,648
The news hit the entertainment world
862
00:33:14,648 --> 00:33:16,092
like a big, tragic hurricane.
863
00:33:16,092 --> 00:33:18,342
- He was amazing, you know.
864
00:33:19,227 --> 00:33:22,822
He was amazing, unlike any other comic.
865
00:33:22,822 --> 00:33:23,672
- Pauly was deep.
866
00:33:23,672 --> 00:33:27,182
He had like layer, layer, layer, layer.
867
00:33:27,182 --> 00:33:29,951
And that's something I
always look for as an artist.
868
00:33:29,951 --> 00:33:33,335
For another artist that's
got layers to them.
869
00:33:33,335 --> 00:33:36,918
And Pauly, he was bundled in layers.
870
00:33:36,918 --> 00:33:39,316
- Pauly was the first person
to bring me to the beach.
871
00:33:39,316 --> 00:33:41,686
I never would've got Baywatch
if it wasn't for Pauly.
872
00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:45,862
He taught me how to
mouth-to-mouth recucitate people
873
00:33:45,862 --> 00:33:48,369
and use defibulators, things like that.
874
00:33:48,369 --> 00:33:52,026
- He did have good weed
though, I gotta tell you that.
875
00:33:52,026 --> 00:33:54,867
Pauly Shore had fucking good weed.
876
00:33:54,867 --> 00:33:56,765
I blazed with him a couple of times.
877
00:33:56,765 --> 00:33:58,524
I smoked his whole sack up, then I bounced
878
00:33:58,524 --> 00:34:00,524
with his girls and shit.
879
00:34:03,059 --> 00:34:05,316
At least he was good for something.
880
00:34:05,316 --> 00:34:06,806
- Matt Pinfield has
been sampling reactions
881
00:34:06,806 --> 00:34:09,195
to Pauly Shore's suicide out
in the American Heartland.
882
00:34:09,195 --> 00:34:11,725
Not surprisingly, Pauly's biggest fanbase.
883
00:34:11,725 --> 00:34:12,790
- Thanks Kurt.
884
00:34:12,790 --> 00:34:16,073
I'm in Paducah, Kentucky, at
the trailer park home of...
885
00:34:16,073 --> 00:34:17,150
What is your name sir?
886
00:34:17,150 --> 00:34:19,036
- I'm Buck McChristian.
887
00:34:19,036 --> 00:34:21,453
I'm Pauly's number one fa-an.
888
00:34:22,473 --> 00:34:24,439
- How did the death of Pauly Shore affect
889
00:34:24,439 --> 00:34:26,606
you and your family today.
890
00:34:27,924 --> 00:34:30,924
- It's hard to put into words, Matt.
891
00:34:31,965 --> 00:34:34,882
Laughter is the music of the heart,
892
00:34:36,436 --> 00:34:39,410
and once that joy's been taken away,
893
00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:41,251
you're nothing but an empty shell.
894
00:34:41,251 --> 00:34:42,712
That's how I feel.
895
00:34:42,712 --> 00:34:44,137
- If you had to pick one Pauly Shore movie
896
00:34:44,137 --> 00:34:46,777
to be your favorite,
what would that one be?
897
00:34:46,777 --> 00:34:48,263
- It's hard.
898
00:34:48,263 --> 00:34:50,763
- "Son in Law."
899
00:34:53,034 --> 00:34:54,221
- That's the news for now.
900
00:34:54,221 --> 00:34:56,099
Stay tuned for more at 10
to the hour, every hour,
901
00:34:56,099 --> 00:34:57,099
here on MTV.
902
00:34:58,116 --> 00:34:59,241
- Cut!
903
00:34:59,241 --> 00:35:00,873
- Jesus, what a big deal
they're making out of this.
904
00:35:00,873 --> 00:35:01,831
Do you believe it?
905
00:35:01,831 --> 00:35:02,972
- The man was an icon.
906
00:35:02,972 --> 00:35:07,047
- Yeah well, maybe we
should all shoot ourselves.
907
00:35:07,047 --> 00:35:10,708
- I can't
believe he's not here anymore.
908
00:35:10,708 --> 00:35:12,293
- Yeah, I understand, Mrs. Shore.
909
00:35:12,293 --> 00:35:14,046
Nobody really understands the pain
910
00:35:14,046 --> 00:35:16,312
that a parent goes through
when they lose a child.
911
00:35:16,312 --> 00:35:17,783
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
912
00:35:17,783 --> 00:35:19,429
We will put you in touch with Dr. Kirby,
913
00:35:19,429 --> 00:35:21,757
who is out after-care program
specialist, and she can--
914
00:35:21,757 --> 00:35:22,970
- Oh, don't play it with me honey.
915
00:35:22,970 --> 00:35:24,411
Don't cry for me.
916
00:35:24,411 --> 00:35:26,825
You raise the kids around
a bunch of drunk comics
917
00:35:26,825 --> 00:35:28,873
and now you're shocked
he took his fucking life?
918
00:35:28,873 --> 00:35:30,372
Save it, lady.
919
00:35:30,372 --> 00:35:32,722
Save it for the fucking room upstairs,
920
00:35:32,722 --> 00:35:33,864
not on the fucking big stage.
921
00:35:33,864 --> 00:35:36,114
You know what I mean, lady?
922
00:35:38,254 --> 00:35:40,292
- It's Pauly, isn't it?
923
00:35:40,292 --> 00:35:43,332
- Excuse me, you guys gonna
be putting long or what?
924
00:35:43,332 --> 00:35:44,165
I mean.
925
00:35:44,165 --> 00:35:44,998
- Oh, come on.
926
00:35:44,998 --> 00:35:46,594
Can't you that kid is obviously crying.
927
00:35:46,594 --> 00:35:48,481
Don't be so insensitive.
928
00:35:48,481 --> 00:35:50,398
Hi honey, what's wrong?
929
00:35:51,863 --> 00:35:54,019
- My son's not taking Pauly
Shore's death too well.
930
00:35:54,019 --> 00:35:56,596
- Your son's crying about that loser?
931
00:35:56,596 --> 00:35:58,646
Man, me and my friends
had a party the night
932
00:35:58,646 --> 00:35:59,493
that guy died, man.
933
00:35:59,493 --> 00:36:01,152
What a fake bullshit that was.
934
00:36:01,152 --> 00:36:02,814
All that, "Hey buddy."
935
00:36:02,814 --> 00:36:03,647
Weasel shit?
936
00:36:03,647 --> 00:36:04,841
That shit sucks, man.
937
00:36:04,841 --> 00:36:06,271
They've seen "Jury Duty," you saw it.
938
00:36:06,271 --> 00:36:08,021
That was a fucking piece of shit.
939
00:36:08,021 --> 00:36:10,345
I mean Jesus Christ, give me a break.
940
00:36:10,345 --> 00:36:11,591
- Take it back, pal.
941
00:36:11,591 --> 00:36:12,963
- Oh, take what back?
942
00:36:12,963 --> 00:36:13,875
- Take it back, pal!
943
00:36:13,875 --> 00:36:15,069
- Take what back, old man?
944
00:36:15,069 --> 00:36:16,079
Why don't you take you and your little
945
00:36:16,079 --> 00:36:17,778
crying-ass kid to the next
hole so me and my girl
946
00:36:17,778 --> 00:36:20,729
can play some golf up in
this motherfucker, right?
947
00:36:20,729 --> 00:36:21,978
Come on, man, let's play?
948
00:36:21,978 --> 00:36:23,294
Let's play some golf.
949
00:36:23,294 --> 00:36:25,294
- 'Cause I'm The Weasel!
950
00:36:26,156 --> 00:36:26,989
Woo!
951
00:36:27,903 --> 00:36:29,361
- Not bad, not bad.
952
00:36:29,361 --> 00:36:31,550
Way to go, Susie.
953
00:36:31,550 --> 00:36:34,523
I got her a little bit of the moisture.
954
00:36:34,523 --> 00:36:39,166
Alright, now contestant number
two is a roofer from Corona.
955
00:36:39,166 --> 00:36:40,728
Stu.
956
00:36:40,728 --> 00:36:42,410
Stu Blouser.
957
00:36:42,410 --> 00:36:44,463
Stu wants everyone to know that he brought
958
00:36:44,463 --> 00:36:46,163
his lover here.
959
00:36:46,163 --> 00:36:48,272
- No, it's my brother dude.
- I mean his brother here.
960
00:36:48,272 --> 00:36:49,571
Is that him?
961
00:36:49,571 --> 00:36:51,246
- Do it for the family, bro!
962
00:36:51,246 --> 00:36:53,214
Come on, Eye of the Tiger, do it!
963
00:36:53,214 --> 00:36:55,714
- Get going and do your thing.
964
00:36:57,274 --> 00:36:58,630
- Hey, what's up?
965
00:36:58,630 --> 00:36:59,947
Check out those...
966
00:36:59,947 --> 00:37:01,737
Yeah, whoa, oh fuck.
967
00:37:01,737 --> 00:37:02,654
Fuck, guys!
968
00:37:08,337 --> 00:37:10,019
- It was nice meeting you.
969
00:37:10,019 --> 00:37:13,545
Okay, just one more stay if you need me.
970
00:37:13,545 --> 00:37:15,295
Never seen me before.
971
00:37:17,065 --> 00:37:18,559
- What, listen this is your fifth call.
972
00:37:18,559 --> 00:37:20,875
The towels will be there.
973
00:37:20,875 --> 00:37:21,958
Quit calling!
974
00:37:23,260 --> 00:37:24,751
What can I do for you?
975
00:37:24,751 --> 00:37:25,869
- Hey, aren't you that--
976
00:37:25,869 --> 00:37:26,852
- Yeah, yeah.
977
00:37:26,852 --> 00:37:28,829
- What happened to your hair?
978
00:37:28,829 --> 00:37:30,243
- I lost it.
979
00:37:30,243 --> 00:37:32,086
What can I do for you?
980
00:37:32,086 --> 00:37:34,267
- I'm just looking for a room.
981
00:37:34,267 --> 00:37:36,017
- Obviously, dipshit.
982
00:37:37,383 --> 00:37:41,735
- I'm sorry, I've just
been traveling all day.
983
00:37:41,735 --> 00:37:44,063
I'm just a little parched.
984
00:37:44,063 --> 00:37:45,556
- Alright, how long you staying with us?
985
00:37:45,556 --> 00:37:46,806
- About a week.
986
00:37:48,106 --> 00:37:49,455
- $39 a day.
987
00:37:49,455 --> 00:37:52,108
By the looks of you, I
want you to pay me now.
988
00:37:52,108 --> 00:37:54,025
- Alright, here you go.
989
00:37:59,044 --> 00:38:00,377
- Oh, $83, okay.
990
00:38:01,857 --> 00:38:02,690
- No here, here.
991
00:38:02,690 --> 00:38:03,523
- $84?
992
00:38:04,395 --> 00:38:06,746
What do you expect me to do for $84?
993
00:38:06,746 --> 00:38:07,829
- Rub my ass?
994
00:38:08,669 --> 00:38:10,066
- Excuse me?
995
00:38:10,066 --> 00:38:11,354
- Sassafras.
996
00:38:11,354 --> 00:38:12,914
Sassafras.
997
00:38:12,914 --> 00:38:15,580
Hmm, it's a nice fragrance
you have here, Kato.
998
00:38:15,580 --> 00:38:17,220
Here we go now.
999
00:38:17,220 --> 00:38:20,553
I'm going to my room now, Kato was bald.
1000
00:38:22,940 --> 00:38:24,869
- So you were all Pauly's girlfriends.
1001
00:38:24,869 --> 00:38:26,357
- I was.
1002
00:38:26,357 --> 00:38:29,418
I don't know about these bimbos.
1003
00:38:29,418 --> 00:38:31,748
- Shut up, you stupid bitch.
1004
00:38:31,748 --> 00:38:32,883
- Oh God.
1005
00:38:32,883 --> 00:38:35,112
- You know what, when he
was banging you whores,
1006
00:38:35,112 --> 00:38:37,245
he was thinking of me the whole time.
1007
00:38:37,245 --> 00:38:38,469
- Oh, I don't think so.
1008
00:38:38,469 --> 00:38:40,491
- Are you fucking hearing this shit?
1009
00:38:40,491 --> 00:38:42,241
- You see these boobies?
1010
00:38:42,241 --> 00:38:44,492
Pauly bought 'em for me.
1011
00:38:44,492 --> 00:38:47,303
- You know what, Pauly
bought me mine also.
1012
00:38:47,303 --> 00:38:49,220
- Oh, I don't think so.
1013
00:38:51,355 --> 00:38:52,925
- Pauly got me pregnant.
1014
00:38:52,925 --> 00:38:54,712
(Pauly giggles)
1015
00:38:54,712 --> 00:38:55,810
- You bitch!
1016
00:38:55,810 --> 00:38:59,060
(crowd chants "Pauly")
1017
00:39:08,530 --> 00:39:10,705
- He was a genius who
died before his time.
1018
00:39:10,705 --> 00:39:13,114
- Pauly was a comic genius.
1019
00:39:13,114 --> 00:39:14,662
- News hit the entertainment world
1020
00:39:14,662 --> 00:39:17,331
like a big, tragic hurricane.
1021
00:39:17,331 --> 00:39:18,748
- He was amazing.
1022
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:25,644
- I've always been a Weasel believer.
1023
00:39:44,528 --> 00:39:46,278
- I did it, I did it!
1024
00:39:55,251 --> 00:39:56,675
Hollywood!
1025
00:39:56,675 --> 00:39:58,425
Hollywood, what's up!
1026
00:40:04,657 --> 00:40:05,490
- Goddamn.
1027
00:40:17,897 --> 00:40:18,730
- Oh shit!
1028
00:40:24,706 --> 00:40:26,715
- What's the hold up, come on?
1029
00:40:26,715 --> 00:40:28,548
We don't have all day.
1030
00:40:39,390 --> 00:40:41,672
- Look who it is, Tom Sizemore.
1031
00:40:41,672 --> 00:40:44,012
- No you idiot, it's Michael Madsen.
1032
00:40:44,012 --> 00:40:45,231
- What's the difference?
1033
00:40:45,231 --> 00:40:46,314
- Six inches.
1034
00:40:51,605 --> 00:40:53,522
- Love that, love that.
1035
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,085
- Hey babe, where you going?
1036
00:40:58,085 --> 00:40:59,444
You got the wrong girl.
1037
00:40:59,444 --> 00:41:01,444
- What's the difference?
1038
00:41:05,660 --> 00:41:08,290
- Can you believe
I pulled this shit off?
1039
00:41:08,290 --> 00:41:10,678
Things turned out way
better than I expected.
1040
00:41:10,678 --> 00:41:14,426
News anchors calling me a comic genius?
1041
00:41:14,426 --> 00:41:17,868
Hot bitches fighting over me on Springer?
1042
00:41:17,868 --> 00:41:21,951
Dr. Dre telling everyone
he partied with me, bro!
1043
00:41:23,201 --> 00:41:24,034
I'm king!
1044
00:41:25,803 --> 00:41:27,610
Everyone's gonna want me back,
1045
00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:29,966
especially my dumb-ass girlfriend, Zoey.
1046
00:41:29,966 --> 00:41:33,316
She was fucking the Spanish
dude from Saved by the Bell!
1047
00:41:33,316 --> 00:41:34,825
Bachelor.
1048
00:41:34,825 --> 00:41:37,564
And Carrot Top, moving in my house?
1049
00:41:37,564 --> 00:41:40,700
I can't wait to beat your
ass at celebrity boxing.
1050
00:41:40,700 --> 00:41:43,450
See you in the ring clown boy-ee!
1051
00:41:44,654 --> 00:41:47,705
But the main thing is that my plan worked.
1052
00:41:47,705 --> 00:41:49,538
My plan really worked.
1053
00:41:51,679 --> 00:41:54,929
Pauly Shore, best actor of Tinsel Town.
1054
00:41:56,038 --> 00:41:57,955
See you at the Academy.
1055
00:42:20,305 --> 00:42:22,972
(Pauly giggles)
1056
00:42:34,461 --> 00:42:35,294
Holy shit.
1057
00:42:38,607 --> 00:42:40,357
- So why'd you do it?
1058
00:42:41,392 --> 00:42:42,669
- Huh?
1059
00:42:42,669 --> 00:42:44,292
- I know it's you.
1060
00:42:44,292 --> 00:42:45,291
- What?
1061
00:42:45,291 --> 00:42:47,374
- I know it's you, Pauly.
1062
00:42:48,487 --> 00:42:49,957
- You do?
1063
00:42:49,957 --> 00:42:51,290
- Yeah I do.
1064
00:42:51,290 --> 00:42:52,864
So why'd you do it?
1065
00:42:52,864 --> 00:42:54,430
- Look, you wouldn't understand, okay?
1066
00:42:54,430 --> 00:42:55,623
You're just a kid.
1067
00:42:55,623 --> 00:42:56,510
- Really?
1068
00:42:56,510 --> 00:42:57,368
Try me.
1069
00:42:57,368 --> 00:42:58,793
- You don't know what it's like out there
1070
00:42:58,793 --> 00:43:00,796
in the real world, alright?
1071
00:43:00,796 --> 00:43:02,412
- You're probably right.
1072
00:43:02,412 --> 00:43:03,909
And what gives you the
right to mess with people
1073
00:43:03,909 --> 00:43:04,890
the way you did.
1074
00:43:04,890 --> 00:43:06,940
And what does that have to
do with me understanding?
1075
00:43:06,940 --> 00:43:09,327
- Look, I just want to
be appreciated a little,
1076
00:43:09,327 --> 00:43:10,433
that's all, okay?
1077
00:43:10,433 --> 00:43:12,503
- And you think that people
are gonna appreciate you now?
1078
00:43:12,503 --> 00:43:13,928
- Well yeah, look.
1079
00:43:13,928 --> 00:43:15,206
I'd say so, huh?
1080
00:43:15,206 --> 00:43:16,901
I'm on the cover on all these magaines.
1081
00:43:16,901 --> 00:43:18,806
I'd say I'm pretty much appreciated.
1082
00:43:18,806 --> 00:43:21,467
- Not when they find
out you're still alive.
1083
00:43:21,467 --> 00:43:22,771
- And how are they gonna do that?
1084
00:43:22,771 --> 00:43:23,913
- I'm gonna tell them.
1085
00:43:23,913 --> 00:43:24,916
- No you're not.
1086
00:43:24,916 --> 00:43:25,749
- Watch me.
1087
00:43:25,749 --> 00:43:26,582
- Hey, hey!
1088
00:43:26,582 --> 00:43:28,254
Get the fuck off me, bitch!
1089
00:43:28,254 --> 00:43:30,123
You think people hated
you, well they're really
1090
00:43:30,123 --> 00:43:31,803
gonna hate you now!
1091
00:43:31,803 --> 00:43:33,510
Pauly's still alive.
1092
00:43:33,510 --> 00:43:35,465
- Pauly from the dead?
1093
00:43:35,465 --> 00:43:37,076
What the hell, you son of a bitch.
1094
00:43:37,076 --> 00:43:38,655
Pauly Shore is here.
1095
00:43:38,655 --> 00:43:41,710
Yeah, get me, get me, uh...
1096
00:43:41,710 --> 00:43:42,942
Get the police down here.
1097
00:43:42,942 --> 00:43:44,650
- Give me the fucking phone!
1098
00:43:44,650 --> 00:43:48,028
- He's at the Charles Motel on
Hoboken and Clear Boulevard.
1099
00:43:48,028 --> 00:43:49,677
Get the fuck back!
1100
00:43:49,677 --> 00:43:51,424
Get off my counter.
1101
00:43:51,424 --> 00:43:52,841
- Dammit!
1102
00:43:54,006 --> 00:43:54,839
- Oh, ow!
1103
00:43:55,881 --> 00:43:57,038
Come here.
1104
00:43:57,038 --> 00:43:57,982
- Ah, shit.
1105
00:43:57,982 --> 00:43:59,109
Come back.
1106
00:43:59,109 --> 00:44:00,537
Come back here, you little bitch.
1107
00:44:00,537 --> 00:44:02,145
- You're over with, man!
1108
00:44:02,145 --> 00:44:03,726
Shitty actor!
1109
00:44:03,726 --> 00:44:05,809
Woohoo, I'm getting paid!
1110
00:44:14,145 --> 00:44:14,978
Get in, quick.
1111
00:44:14,978 --> 00:44:15,811
Get in, get in!
1112
00:44:15,811 --> 00:44:18,527
- Will you please tell me
what the fuck is going on!?
1113
00:44:18,527 --> 00:44:20,776
- I'll tell you after you
take me to my mom's house.
1114
00:44:20,776 --> 00:44:21,647
Pack my shit--
1115
00:44:21,647 --> 00:44:22,480
- No, no, no.
1116
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:23,313
You tell me now, brother.
1117
00:44:23,313 --> 00:44:24,146
- Kirk, Kirk.
1118
00:44:24,146 --> 00:44:25,344
Get me to my mom's house
and get me there now!
1119
00:44:25,344 --> 00:44:30,298
Okay, I'll explain everything
later, I promise, okay?
1120
00:44:30,298 --> 00:44:31,811
Fuck, the cops are here.
1121
00:44:31,811 --> 00:44:33,326
The fucking cops are here.
1122
00:44:33,326 --> 00:44:34,842
What the fuck are you laughing at?
1123
00:44:34,842 --> 00:44:35,704
- What're you thinking?
1124
00:44:35,704 --> 00:44:36,956
- I don't know what I'm thinking, man.
1125
00:44:36,956 --> 00:44:37,852
I'm all fucked up.
1126
00:44:37,852 --> 00:44:38,720
Things are all fucked up now.
1127
00:44:38,720 --> 00:44:41,387
- It's room 19, go check it out.
1128
00:44:49,544 --> 00:44:51,794
(knocking)
1129
00:44:57,892 --> 00:44:58,878
- Hey, how you doing?
1130
00:44:58,878 --> 00:44:59,711
Yeah, was I a little loud?
1131
00:44:59,711 --> 00:45:01,196
- Listen, I know this is
gonna sound really weird
1132
00:45:01,196 --> 00:45:04,170
and strange, but is Pauly Shore here?
1133
00:45:04,170 --> 00:45:05,832
- Pauly who?
1134
00:45:05,832 --> 00:45:06,684
- Shore.
1135
00:45:06,684 --> 00:45:07,529
- The guy from "Bio-Dome?"
1136
00:45:07,529 --> 00:45:09,514
Funny, The Weasel guy?
1137
00:45:09,514 --> 00:45:10,646
He's dead.
1138
00:45:10,646 --> 00:45:13,373
I'm all by myself here.
1139
00:45:13,373 --> 00:45:16,402
I'm actually here for a funeral.
1140
00:45:16,402 --> 00:45:17,473
- Oh.
1141
00:45:17,473 --> 00:45:20,362
- My mom, she died the other day.
1142
00:45:20,362 --> 00:45:22,297
Got in a bus accident.
1143
00:45:22,297 --> 00:45:23,729
- Sorry to hear that.
1144
00:45:23,729 --> 00:45:25,159
Well if anything comes
up, please give us a call.
1145
00:45:25,159 --> 00:45:26,280
- Oh, definitely.
1146
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:27,488
Yeah.
1147
00:45:27,488 --> 00:45:29,314
- Sorry for the inconvenience, sir.
1148
00:45:29,314 --> 00:45:30,147
- Okay.
1149
00:45:30,147 --> 00:45:31,127
Nice meeting you.
1150
00:45:31,127 --> 00:45:31,960
- Have a good night.
1151
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:32,793
- Bye-bye.
1152
00:45:32,793 --> 00:45:33,626
Cya.
1153
00:45:35,974 --> 00:45:37,617
Did you see that, Pauly?
1154
00:45:37,617 --> 00:45:39,321
I was there for you.
1155
00:45:39,321 --> 00:45:40,796
- Yeah, it was a close call.
1156
00:45:40,796 --> 00:45:42,163
- Maybe you can put down the gun,
1157
00:45:42,163 --> 00:45:44,559
seeing that I'm for the team.
1158
00:45:44,559 --> 00:45:46,910
- That was good, you did a good job.
1159
00:45:46,910 --> 00:45:48,660
Just keep on packing.
1160
00:45:50,737 --> 00:45:53,979
- 671, I need a backup here now.
1161
00:45:53,979 --> 00:45:57,230
- Hey Kirk, did you get me that audition.
1162
00:45:57,230 --> 00:45:59,311
- No, he cast it.
1163
00:45:59,311 --> 00:46:01,142
He thought you were dead.
1164
00:46:01,142 --> 00:46:03,059
- Really, who'd he get?
1165
00:46:04,077 --> 00:46:06,517
Hey Kirk, who did he get?
1166
00:46:06,517 --> 00:46:07,990
- Carrot Top.
1167
00:46:07,990 --> 00:46:10,506
He went with Carrot Top.
1168
00:46:10,506 --> 00:46:12,067
- You know what, that's
fine, 'cause I never want
1169
00:46:12,067 --> 00:46:15,852
to be in a fucking Sean
Penn movie anyways.
1170
00:46:15,852 --> 00:46:17,676
- We have late breaking news.
1171
00:46:17,676 --> 00:46:20,306
Actor, comedian Pauly Shore is not dead.
1172
00:46:20,306 --> 00:46:24,081
I repeat, actor, comedian,
Pauly Shore is not dead.
1173
00:46:24,081 --> 00:46:26,859
We now go live to a
motel deep in the Valley
1174
00:46:26,859 --> 00:46:29,614
where Tricia Miata is
standing by with the manager
1175
00:46:29,614 --> 00:46:31,263
of the motel, Kato Kaelin.
1176
00:46:31,263 --> 00:46:32,499
- I knew it was him.
1177
00:46:32,499 --> 00:46:34,434
- So you're saying Pauly Shore is in one
1178
00:46:34,434 --> 00:46:36,399
of your rooms right now?
1179
00:46:36,399 --> 00:46:37,926
- Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
1180
00:46:37,926 --> 00:46:39,433
- Who's Pauly Shore?
1181
00:46:39,433 --> 00:46:41,186
- He's alive!
1182
00:46:41,186 --> 00:46:42,664
- Yes he is!
1183
00:46:42,664 --> 00:46:44,410
- No, dipshit.
1184
00:46:44,410 --> 00:46:45,243
Pauly.
1185
00:46:47,930 --> 00:46:49,101
- Yeah, he's alive!
1186
00:46:49,101 --> 00:46:51,328
What the fuck, he faked the whole thing.
1187
00:46:51,328 --> 00:46:52,300
He's sicker than before.
1188
00:46:52,300 --> 00:46:53,687
Fucked up than me.
1189
00:46:53,687 --> 00:46:55,058
What, oh fuck no.
1190
00:46:55,058 --> 00:46:56,486
It's gonna be bigger than Downey.
1191
00:46:56,486 --> 00:46:57,885
Bigger than Downey!
1192
00:46:57,885 --> 00:46:59,552
- Who's Pauly Shore?
1193
00:47:00,988 --> 00:47:04,988
Oh yeah, he was on MTV
before I was born, right.
1194
00:47:06,848 --> 00:47:10,333
(heavy rock music)
1195
00:47:10,333 --> 00:47:12,750
(cops shout)
1196
00:47:17,950 --> 00:47:20,319
(Pauly yells)
1197
00:47:20,319 --> 00:47:21,486
- I surrender.
1198
00:47:29,877 --> 00:47:32,729
- Alright, so you're beating
me four to one, okay?
1199
00:47:32,729 --> 00:47:34,401
I'm going to make it.
1200
00:47:34,401 --> 00:47:35,401
- Oh, Bucky.
1201
00:47:36,468 --> 00:47:37,598
- Alright, alright.
1202
00:47:37,598 --> 00:47:38,448
Hold the phone, folks.
1203
00:47:38,448 --> 00:47:40,246
- Two big fights, two big fights.
1204
00:47:40,246 --> 00:47:42,583
- Strange news out of Hollywood.
1205
00:47:42,583 --> 00:47:46,005
Down there, Kelly, they
said Pauly Shore is alive.
1206
00:47:46,005 --> 00:47:49,063
They're saying he faked his
death, some kind of sick joke.
1207
00:47:49,063 --> 00:47:50,457
I don't know what the
heck he was thinking,
1208
00:47:50,457 --> 00:47:51,514
but needless to say--
1209
00:47:51,514 --> 00:47:52,395
- Pauly's not dead.
1210
00:47:52,395 --> 00:47:56,044
- ... The jew's memorial
service has been canceled.
1211
00:47:56,044 --> 00:47:57,327
- Do me a favor,
- Is this a joke?
1212
00:47:57,327 --> 00:47:59,035
- If you see him,
kick his ass for me.
1213
00:47:59,035 --> 00:48:02,568
- Weasel done messed with the
wrong inbreeders now, man.
1214
00:48:02,568 --> 00:48:04,311
- You mean "inbreeders."
1215
00:48:04,311 --> 00:48:06,166
- Hey, shut up and go to your room.
1216
00:48:06,166 --> 00:48:08,450
- Daddy, I'm in my room.
1217
00:48:08,450 --> 00:48:11,533
(McChristians laugh)
1218
00:48:12,952 --> 00:48:13,787
- Shut up!
1219
00:48:13,787 --> 00:48:15,958
What's everybody, a fucking comedian?
1220
00:48:15,958 --> 00:48:17,327
Get me a beer.
1221
00:48:17,327 --> 00:48:18,824
- Fine.
1222
00:48:18,824 --> 00:48:20,359
- Hi, I'm Kurt Loder with MTV News.
1223
00:48:20,359 --> 00:48:22,965
MTV executives want to
apologize to viewers
1224
00:48:22,965 --> 00:48:25,121
for airing 48 hours of Pauly Shore.
1225
00:48:25,121 --> 00:48:27,183
To make it up to you,
we're gonna have Metallica
1226
00:48:27,183 --> 00:48:29,310
go out and play at all of your backyards.
1227
00:48:29,310 --> 00:48:30,693
We go now to other entertainers to hear
1228
00:48:30,693 --> 00:48:33,111
their reactions to this
unconscionable scam.
1229
00:48:33,111 --> 00:48:34,736
- I did a movie with him.
1230
00:48:34,736 --> 00:48:36,232
I wish I hadn't done it.
1231
00:48:36,232 --> 00:48:37,687
That was my last movie I did.
1232
00:48:37,687 --> 00:48:39,717
That almost killed me.
1233
00:48:39,717 --> 00:48:40,816
Why?
1234
00:48:40,816 --> 00:48:42,103
'Cause he almost killed me, on the set.
1235
00:48:42,103 --> 00:48:44,355
Every, fucking, day.
1236
00:48:44,355 --> 00:48:46,807
Before a take, right before a take.
1237
00:48:46,807 --> 00:48:48,721
You know what he would do?
1238
00:48:48,721 --> 00:48:50,189
"Action!"
1239
00:48:50,189 --> 00:48:52,733
He would reach over, reach
his hand down my pants
1240
00:48:52,733 --> 00:48:55,418
and pop two fingers up my asshole.
1241
00:48:55,418 --> 00:48:58,083
What kind of sick shit is that?
1242
00:48:58,083 --> 00:48:59,914
- But I didn't really know him, know him.
1243
00:48:59,914 --> 00:49:02,531
But he always had the nerve to ask me
1244
00:49:02,531 --> 00:49:04,184
for shit all over the place, man.
1245
00:49:04,184 --> 00:49:06,646
I felt like smacking him
around a couple times,
1246
00:49:06,646 --> 00:49:08,100
but he's a little guy.
1247
00:49:08,100 --> 00:49:09,629
- Pauly stole everybody's act.
1248
00:49:09,629 --> 00:49:13,070
He would steal the girls,
he'd steal the guys.
1249
00:49:13,070 --> 00:49:15,807
You should've seen what
he did to my goat, man.
1250
00:49:15,807 --> 00:49:19,223
- For me, Pauly was like
a funny guy and whatever,
1251
00:49:19,223 --> 00:49:20,699
and he had his fans.
1252
00:49:20,699 --> 00:49:22,850
And then it wasn't enough.
1253
00:49:22,850 --> 00:49:24,630
It wasn't enough, he wanted more fans.
1254
00:49:24,630 --> 00:49:26,207
He wanted bigger, and that's sad.
1255
00:49:26,207 --> 00:49:28,438
- And now the whole country's supposed
1256
00:49:28,438 --> 00:49:29,971
to fucking take it back?
1257
00:49:29,971 --> 00:49:31,491
No Pauly, fuck you.
1258
00:49:31,491 --> 00:49:32,613
Stay dead.
1259
00:49:32,613 --> 00:49:33,923
- That's the news for now.
1260
00:49:33,923 --> 00:49:36,632
Stay tuned for more at 10
to the hour here on MTV.
1261
00:49:36,632 --> 00:49:38,545
- Cut!
1262
00:49:38,545 --> 00:49:41,303
- You know, that was
actually a genius move.
1263
00:49:41,303 --> 00:49:43,658
- I think that was kinda rude.
1264
00:49:43,658 --> 00:49:44,826
- Whatever.
1265
00:49:44,826 --> 00:49:46,873
- I'm looking at his numbers right now.
1266
00:49:46,873 --> 00:49:49,849
Pauly's apperance on Court
TV rated 20 times higher
1267
00:49:49,849 --> 00:49:51,291
than his sitcom.
1268
00:49:51,291 --> 00:49:54,051
He was right, people do
want to see him as a victim.
1269
00:49:54,051 --> 00:49:55,828
That's what he always told me.
1270
00:49:55,828 --> 00:49:57,310
I should've listened to him.
1271
00:49:57,310 --> 00:49:58,477
Oh well, oops.
1272
00:49:59,459 --> 00:50:00,292
Next.
1273
00:50:01,909 --> 00:50:04,242
(gun shots)
1274
00:50:16,890 --> 00:50:18,100
- Pauly, no way!
1275
00:50:18,100 --> 00:50:19,070
No way, dude.
1276
00:50:19,070 --> 00:50:20,090
- Tommy?
1277
00:50:20,090 --> 00:50:20,967
- How are you, man?
1278
00:50:20,967 --> 00:50:21,800
- Hey, what's up?
1279
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:22,633
- It's good to see you, welcome.
1280
00:50:22,633 --> 00:50:23,711
You're one of us now.
1281
00:50:23,711 --> 00:50:25,592
I'd knew you'd be here eventually, man.
1282
00:50:25,592 --> 00:50:28,063
Don't worry, everything's
gonna be cool, bro.
1283
00:50:28,063 --> 00:50:30,837
It's gonna be the best thing
that ever happened to you.
1284
00:50:30,837 --> 00:50:32,704
Dude, I found Jesus in here.
1285
00:50:32,704 --> 00:50:33,537
- You did?
1286
00:50:33,537 --> 00:50:34,370
- Yeah.
1287
00:50:34,370 --> 00:50:35,209
- Well where is he?
1288
00:50:35,209 --> 00:50:36,375
- I'm right here, Pauly.
1289
00:50:36,375 --> 00:50:39,088
- Dude look, we made a tape.
1290
00:50:39,088 --> 00:50:40,787
Tommy and Jesus.
1291
00:50:40,787 --> 00:50:42,183
Check it out later.
1292
00:50:42,183 --> 00:50:43,976
- Oh great, I'll look at it.
1293
00:50:43,976 --> 00:50:45,281
Alright, well it was good seeing ya.
1294
00:50:45,281 --> 00:50:46,412
- Alright bro, take it easy man.
1295
00:50:46,412 --> 00:50:47,245
- Later.
1296
00:50:47,245 --> 00:50:48,078
- Peace.
1297
00:50:49,299 --> 00:50:51,073
- Heidi, Heidi, this is the guy!
1298
00:50:51,073 --> 00:50:52,888
The guy that looks like Richard Simmons.
1299
00:50:52,888 --> 00:50:55,859
The guy that paid me $83, you fuck!
1300
00:50:55,859 --> 00:50:56,692
- 84!
1301
00:50:58,298 --> 00:50:59,588
- Hey, Heidi.
1302
00:50:59,588 --> 00:51:01,434
- Long time, no see, Pauly.
1303
00:51:01,434 --> 00:51:03,376
That's why your career got all fucked up.
1304
00:51:03,376 --> 00:51:05,857
You're always cutting
corners, you cheap-ass jew.
1305
00:51:05,857 --> 00:51:07,066
- I was gonna pay you back.
1306
00:51:07,066 --> 00:51:08,368
- Pauly, $500.
1307
00:51:08,368 --> 00:51:10,646
I'm already low balling you, fucker.
1308
00:51:10,646 --> 00:51:12,201
- Get me to my cell.
1309
00:51:12,201 --> 00:51:13,585
Get me to my cell!
1310
00:51:13,585 --> 00:51:16,514
(escorts yell)
1311
00:51:16,514 --> 00:51:17,787
Jesus, who's gonna be next?
1312
00:51:17,787 --> 00:51:18,870
Todd Bridges.
1313
00:51:20,536 --> 00:51:24,574
- Oh great, I get the
white comedian devil.
1314
00:51:24,574 --> 00:51:25,896
Step on in.
1315
00:51:25,896 --> 00:51:27,799
Take the top bunk.
1316
00:51:27,799 --> 00:51:30,882
I don't want the devil underneath me.
1317
00:51:38,291 --> 00:51:40,989
- You shouldn't have betrayed me, Weasel.
1318
00:51:40,989 --> 00:51:41,822
Bang.
1319
00:51:43,587 --> 00:51:44,587
Listen, son.
1320
00:51:45,815 --> 00:51:48,135
One of these days you'll
understand when somebody
1321
00:51:48,135 --> 00:51:51,385
take your manhood, you go take it back.
1322
00:51:53,505 --> 00:51:55,185
- Bucky, wait a minute now.
1323
00:51:55,185 --> 00:51:56,427
Don't do this.
1324
00:51:56,427 --> 00:51:58,594
- Now you shut your mouth.
1325
00:52:00,217 --> 00:52:03,050
Nobody mess with a man's business.
1326
00:52:05,833 --> 00:52:09,607
- Alright then, you do what you have to.
1327
00:52:09,607 --> 00:52:12,213
You got out there and (coughs).
1328
00:52:12,213 --> 00:52:15,963
You shoot that Weasel
right between the eyes!
1329
00:52:21,992 --> 00:52:23,247
- Look, it's Pauly.
1330
00:52:23,247 --> 00:52:24,442
Can he sit with us, can he?
1331
00:52:24,442 --> 00:52:25,275
Can he sit with us, please?
1332
00:52:25,275 --> 00:52:26,510
- Of course he can.
1333
00:52:26,510 --> 00:52:27,594
- Pauly.
1334
00:52:27,594 --> 00:52:29,594
Pauly, come and join us.
1335
00:52:30,722 --> 00:52:32,076
- Hi.
1336
00:52:32,076 --> 00:52:34,441
- Hi, my name is Lawrence.
1337
00:52:34,441 --> 00:52:36,800
And this is my friend, Pepe.
1338
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:40,967
And of course we know who
you are, you little Weasel.
1339
00:52:43,397 --> 00:52:45,388
- I loved "Encino Man."
1340
00:52:45,388 --> 00:52:47,259
- You were so cute.
1341
00:52:47,259 --> 00:52:49,197
Any movie that buries an animal in a hole
1342
00:52:49,197 --> 00:52:53,081
and then digs out, makes me so happy.
1343
00:52:53,081 --> 00:52:54,831
Pepe's my Encino Man.
1344
00:53:01,013 --> 00:53:03,215
- What's Brendon Fraiser like?
1345
00:53:03,215 --> 00:53:05,141
- I loved him in "Tarzan."
1346
00:53:05,141 --> 00:53:07,216
- Nah, that was "George of the Jungle."
1347
00:53:07,216 --> 00:53:09,716
- He was swinging from a vine.
1348
00:53:15,089 --> 00:53:17,172
Oh please, he'll be back.
1349
00:53:22,790 --> 00:53:26,206
- Pauly, tell them something
they've seen you in.
1350
00:53:26,206 --> 00:53:28,143
- I was in the Kid 'N Play movie.
1351
00:53:28,143 --> 00:53:30,363
- "House Party" 1 or 2?
1352
00:53:30,363 --> 00:53:32,189
- It was called "Class Act."
1353
00:53:32,189 --> 00:53:33,328
- "Class Act?"
1354
00:53:33,328 --> 00:53:34,255
I seen that.
1355
00:53:34,255 --> 00:53:35,393
Which one was you?
1356
00:53:35,393 --> 00:53:36,983
- I was the guy in the
third act, remember?
1357
00:53:36,983 --> 00:53:38,415
At the anti-drug rally.
1358
00:53:38,415 --> 00:53:40,608
I was in the pop bucket on the main stage.
1359
00:53:40,608 --> 00:53:43,680
I was tearing it up, I was doing this.
1360
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:45,446
- Oh shit, that was you!?
1361
00:53:45,446 --> 00:53:46,428
- Remember?
1362
00:53:46,428 --> 00:53:47,261
- That was you?
1363
00:53:47,261 --> 00:53:48,094
That was you, my nigga.
1364
00:53:48,094 --> 00:53:49,228
- Yeah, yeah.
1365
00:53:49,228 --> 00:53:50,681
Alright, am I down now?
1366
00:53:50,681 --> 00:53:51,514
- Yeah, you down with us.
1367
00:53:51,514 --> 00:53:52,347
You can roll with us, my nigga.
1368
00:53:52,347 --> 00:53:53,480
- Alright, okay.
1369
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:54,813
I'm your nigger.
1370
00:53:57,689 --> 00:53:59,466
- The fuck you call me, man?
1371
00:53:59,466 --> 00:54:00,467
- Nigger?
1372
00:54:00,467 --> 00:54:01,684
- The fuck you say to me, man?
1373
00:54:01,684 --> 00:54:02,892
- I just said what you said to me.
1374
00:54:02,892 --> 00:54:04,598
- Man you better take that ER off the end
1375
00:54:04,598 --> 00:54:05,558
of that shit, man.
1376
00:54:05,558 --> 00:54:06,654
That sound like that slave shit.
1377
00:54:06,654 --> 00:54:08,106
It's nig-gah, nigga.
1378
00:54:08,106 --> 00:54:08,939
- Nigga?
1379
00:54:08,939 --> 00:54:10,224
- Nig-gah!
- Nig-gah!
1380
00:54:10,224 --> 00:54:11,607
- Nig-gah.
1381
00:54:11,607 --> 00:54:12,481
- Nig-gah!
1382
00:54:12,481 --> 00:54:13,314
- Nig-gah!
1383
00:54:13,314 --> 00:54:14,147
- Nig-gah!
1384
00:54:14,147 --> 00:54:14,980
- Nig-gah!
1385
00:54:14,980 --> 00:54:16,274
- Nig-gah.
1386
00:54:16,274 --> 00:54:17,783
- That shit is tight, that's for sure.
1387
00:54:17,783 --> 00:54:19,105
What's mackin'?
1388
00:54:19,105 --> 00:54:20,249
Nigga!
1389
00:54:20,249 --> 00:54:21,893
- Yeah, nigga!
1390
00:54:21,893 --> 00:54:23,246
- Yeah, yeah.
1391
00:54:23,246 --> 00:54:24,079
- Alright.
1392
00:54:24,079 --> 00:54:25,188
- What's up, my nigga.
1393
00:54:25,188 --> 00:54:26,347
Come up here and fuck with us.
1394
00:54:26,347 --> 00:54:27,493
- Alright, see I'm down now.
1395
00:54:27,493 --> 00:54:29,826
I'm crackalicious tight, that's for sure!
1396
00:54:29,826 --> 00:54:31,010
Alright.
1397
00:54:31,010 --> 00:54:32,989
- Tell me about some of
that fine as white Hollywood
1398
00:54:32,989 --> 00:54:35,556
hoes you be doing them movies with, man.
1399
00:54:35,556 --> 00:54:39,799
- You were in one of the
best movies of all-time.
1400
00:54:39,799 --> 00:54:42,560
"Happy Gilmore" was la bomba, bro.
1401
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:44,687
- I wasn't in "Happy Gilmore."
1402
00:54:44,687 --> 00:54:46,558
That was Adam Sandler.
1403
00:54:46,558 --> 00:54:47,391
- Oh.
1404
00:54:48,290 --> 00:54:49,639
Which movies was you in?
1405
00:54:49,639 --> 00:54:51,664
- I was in "Jury Duty."
1406
00:54:51,664 --> 00:54:53,041
- That's the one with
the little chihuahua?
1407
00:54:53,041 --> 00:54:53,874
- Mm-hmm.
1408
00:54:53,874 --> 00:54:55,668
- That movie sucked, bro.
1409
00:54:55,668 --> 00:54:58,418
Adam Sandler, he's the bomb, man.
1410
00:55:00,373 --> 00:55:02,491
"It's time for Hanukkah.
1411
00:55:02,491 --> 00:55:05,606
"I want to celebrate Hanukkah."
1412
00:55:05,606 --> 00:55:06,439
- Alright, alright.
1413
00:55:06,439 --> 00:55:07,612
Shit, shut up already.
1414
00:55:07,612 --> 00:55:08,847
- Do you remember that song?
1415
00:55:08,847 --> 00:55:10,262
- Yeah, I remember the fucking song.
1416
00:55:10,262 --> 00:55:11,464
You don't have to fucking sing it.
1417
00:55:11,464 --> 00:55:12,541
- I thought you were Adam Sandler, man.
1418
00:55:12,541 --> 00:55:15,254
- Well I'm not fucking
Adam Sandler, man, alright?
1419
00:55:15,254 --> 00:55:17,550
- "It's time for yamaka.
1420
00:55:17,550 --> 00:55:19,972
"I want to celebrate Hannakah."
1421
00:55:19,972 --> 00:55:22,889
(heavy rock music)
1422
00:55:36,341 --> 00:55:37,945
- Hi, welcome back to TRL.
1423
00:55:37,945 --> 00:55:39,450
It's Carson, we're gonna
move on with The Countdown
1424
00:55:39,450 --> 00:55:40,293
in just a second.
1425
00:55:40,293 --> 00:55:43,746
But first, on the phone, the
newly incarcerated Pauly Shore.
1426
00:55:43,746 --> 00:55:44,579
Pauly?
1427
00:55:44,579 --> 00:55:45,798
- Yo, yo, yo Carson.
1428
00:55:45,798 --> 00:55:47,097
What's up, what's up, yo?
1429
00:55:47,097 --> 00:55:48,258
- Well you're lame.
1430
00:55:48,258 --> 00:55:49,676
Everybody here is booing you.
1431
00:55:49,676 --> 00:55:50,684
- Are you serious?
1432
00:55:50,684 --> 00:55:51,814
- I went to your funeral.
1433
00:55:51,814 --> 00:55:53,154
- Okay, well I'm alive, bro.
1434
00:55:53,154 --> 00:55:54,153
Aren't you happy about that?
1435
00:55:54,153 --> 00:55:55,209
- Hold on, hold on, Pauly.
1436
00:55:55,209 --> 00:55:57,341
Everybody was bawling, it was serious.
1437
00:55:57,341 --> 00:55:58,788
It's not cool at all, dude.
1438
00:55:58,788 --> 00:55:59,809
- Yeah I know, but I didn't think
1439
00:55:59,809 --> 00:56:00,896
it was gonna be such a big deal.
1440
00:56:00,896 --> 00:56:02,232
- What do you mean it's not a big deal?
1441
00:56:02,232 --> 00:56:03,440
You faked your death.
1442
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:04,273
- So?
1443
00:56:04,273 --> 00:56:05,106
- I don't have time for this.
1444
00:56:05,106 --> 00:56:06,571
I have a new band I'm
gonna play you right now
1445
00:56:06,571 --> 00:56:07,504
that everybody's talking about.
1446
00:56:07,504 --> 00:56:08,503
They're called Limp Bizkit.
1447
00:56:08,503 --> 00:56:09,336
In fact--
1448
00:56:09,336 --> 00:56:10,169
- Oh, Limp Bizkit?
1449
00:56:10,169 --> 00:56:11,686
That's my boy, Fred from Limp Bizkit.
1450
00:56:11,686 --> 00:56:13,454
- You know Fred from Limp Bizkit.
1451
00:56:13,454 --> 00:56:14,803
- Uh, yeah.
1452
00:56:14,803 --> 00:56:15,832
- Yeah right, sure.
1453
00:56:15,832 --> 00:56:17,194
In fact we have Fred Durst.
1454
00:56:17,194 --> 00:56:18,043
He's the lead sing of this
new band, Limp Bizkit.
1455
00:56:18,043 --> 00:56:18,890
- No, no, no.
1456
00:56:18,890 --> 00:56:19,723
No, no, no.
1457
00:56:19,723 --> 00:56:20,556
Don't put him on.
1458
00:56:20,556 --> 00:56:21,389
- Hey, I'm here, man.
1459
00:56:21,389 --> 00:56:22,468
- What's up, dude?
1460
00:56:22,468 --> 00:56:23,572
- Hey, what's happening?
1461
00:56:23,572 --> 00:56:24,405
- Welcome to the show.
1462
00:56:24,405 --> 00:56:25,238
- What's up, Fred?
1463
00:56:25,238 --> 00:56:26,071
- Pauly, shut up.
1464
00:56:26,071 --> 00:56:26,904
We're talking to Pauly Shore.
1465
00:56:26,904 --> 00:56:27,737
- You're talking to Pauly Shore?
1466
00:56:27,737 --> 00:56:28,570
- Yeah.
1467
00:56:28,570 --> 00:56:29,424
- Pauly, can you hear me?
1468
00:56:29,424 --> 00:56:30,425
- Yo, what's up?
1469
00:56:30,425 --> 00:56:32,337
- Dude, you're a fucking punk!
1470
00:56:32,337 --> 00:56:34,287
You are a piece of crap, man.
1471
00:56:34,287 --> 00:56:36,044
I gave you a CD to give to Carson, man.
1472
00:56:36,044 --> 00:56:37,526
You fucking smashed it!
1473
00:56:37,526 --> 00:56:40,450
When I see you, I'm gonna
smash your fucking head!
1474
00:56:40,450 --> 00:56:41,361
- Alright, alright.
1475
00:56:41,361 --> 00:56:42,835
I don't have time for this,
I don't have time for this.
1476
00:56:42,835 --> 00:56:44,088
- Yeah, well you're a punk, bitch.
1477
00:56:44,088 --> 00:56:45,260
Your band sucks dude.
- Fuck you man!
1478
00:56:45,260 --> 00:56:46,673
- And you suck!
- Fuck you!
1479
00:56:46,673 --> 00:56:47,506
- Fred, he's not--
1480
00:56:47,506 --> 00:56:50,224
- I'm smack you right in
your fucking head, dammit!
1481
00:56:50,224 --> 00:56:51,466
- He's not worth our time.
1482
00:56:51,466 --> 00:56:53,016
I wanna talk about your
band, congratulations
1483
00:56:53,016 --> 00:56:53,849
on the new found success, man.
1484
00:56:53,849 --> 00:56:54,703
- Thank you so much.
1485
00:56:54,703 --> 00:56:55,536
Thanks, man.
1486
00:56:55,536 --> 00:56:56,520
(Pauly blows raspberry)
1487
00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:57,411
- Shut up, Pauly.
1488
00:56:57,411 --> 00:56:58,809
Here's brand new Limp Bizkit.
1489
00:56:58,809 --> 00:57:00,770
Check it out, by request.
1490
00:57:00,770 --> 00:57:02,020
- Fucking punk!
1491
00:57:09,507 --> 00:57:10,782
- Dang Pauly, jeez man.
1492
00:57:10,782 --> 00:57:12,300
- Well I don't want it to smell up.
1493
00:57:12,300 --> 00:57:14,013
- Yeah, well you'll
kill 'em with that too.
1494
00:57:14,013 --> 00:57:14,846
- Alright.
1495
00:57:14,846 --> 00:57:15,718
- You stinky bastard.
1496
00:57:15,718 --> 00:57:17,127
- What're you reading there?
1497
00:57:17,127 --> 00:57:19,936
- I'm reading the Kuran, man.
1498
00:57:19,936 --> 00:57:21,634
You gotta make that change, man.
1499
00:57:21,634 --> 00:57:25,445
Pauly, nobody wants to
see that old Weasel stuff.
1500
00:57:25,445 --> 00:57:27,357
It's all old, man, and played out.
1501
00:57:27,357 --> 00:57:28,774
Robin Williams used to
be on Mork and Mindy
1502
00:57:28,774 --> 00:57:30,758
going, nah, nah, nah,
nah, and he got an Oscar.
1503
00:57:30,758 --> 00:57:32,918
Tom Hanks used to be on
Bosom Buddies wearing
1504
00:57:32,918 --> 00:57:36,582
a dress with lipstick, and he
got two back to back Oscars.
1505
00:57:36,582 --> 00:57:38,297
- I can't believe I'm sitting in jail
1506
00:57:38,297 --> 00:57:42,346
taking career advice from Todd Bridges.
1507
00:57:42,346 --> 00:57:44,089
- Oh, and your career's better?
1508
00:57:44,089 --> 00:57:45,102
- Uh, yeah.
1509
00:57:45,102 --> 00:57:45,992
- Really?
1510
00:57:45,992 --> 00:57:47,319
- Uh-huh.
1511
00:57:47,319 --> 00:57:48,452
- Oh yeah, well when I get outta here,
1512
00:57:48,452 --> 00:57:50,314
I got two TV shows lined up.
1513
00:57:50,314 --> 00:57:51,337
- You do?
1514
00:57:51,337 --> 00:57:52,199
- Yep.
1515
00:57:52,199 --> 00:57:54,597
- Is there any parts in there for me?
1516
00:57:54,597 --> 00:57:58,059
Hey Todd, is there any parts
in your TV shows for me!?
1517
00:57:58,059 --> 00:58:00,355
- No Pauly, there are
no parts for you, man.
1518
00:58:00,355 --> 00:58:01,188
Sorry.
1519
00:58:08,049 --> 00:58:09,742
Just because you're in
here, don't be taking
1520
00:58:09,742 --> 00:58:10,944
it out on me.
1521
00:58:10,944 --> 00:58:12,217
- I'm sorry, man.
1522
00:58:12,217 --> 00:58:14,322
I just can't believe
I'm in jail, that's all.
1523
00:58:14,322 --> 00:58:15,760
You better start believing.
1524
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:17,086
- Well what are you doing here?
1525
00:58:17,086 --> 00:58:18,348
- Well you think about why you got in here
1526
00:58:18,348 --> 00:58:19,931
in the first place.
1527
00:58:21,131 --> 00:58:23,598
I mean how did you fake your death?
1528
00:58:23,598 --> 00:58:25,098
- Oh, it was easy.
1529
00:58:28,319 --> 00:58:30,655
Yeah, it was all pretty easy.
1530
00:58:30,655 --> 00:58:33,008
I told the LA Coroner's
Office that I was researching
1531
00:58:33,008 --> 00:58:35,860
for a role in a movie on
how to play a dead guy.
1532
00:58:35,860 --> 00:58:38,357
I then snuck into his office and stole
1533
00:58:38,357 --> 00:58:40,694
they keys to the building.
1534
00:58:40,694 --> 00:58:43,934
Searching the obituary
section for my perfect match.
1535
00:58:43,934 --> 00:58:47,190
And there it was, David Levinson.
1536
00:58:47,190 --> 00:58:49,607
5'10, brown hair, brown eyes.
1537
00:58:51,463 --> 00:58:54,463
I bought a gun, sex mags, and booze.
1538
00:58:57,764 --> 00:59:01,431
Then I scored some pills
from Corey Feldman.
1539
00:59:05,177 --> 00:59:08,866
So that night, I stole
the body, dragged him
1540
00:59:08,866 --> 00:59:11,967
up the stairs to my loft, and dressed him
1541
00:59:11,967 --> 00:59:13,967
to look exactly like me.
1542
00:59:19,529 --> 00:59:20,436
And kaboom.
1543
00:59:20,436 --> 00:59:21,274
(gun fires)
1544
00:59:21,274 --> 00:59:23,559
The party was over.
1545
00:59:23,559 --> 00:59:26,094
Oh yeah, then I changed my identity.
1546
00:59:26,094 --> 00:59:28,049
Meet my alias: Ben.
1547
00:59:28,049 --> 00:59:29,494
Hi, how are ya?
1548
00:59:29,494 --> 00:59:31,077
Hi, my name is Ben.
1549
00:59:35,749 --> 00:59:37,709
- Why would you shoot
the guy in the face, man?
1550
00:59:37,709 --> 00:59:39,333
- The guy was already dead.
1551
00:59:39,333 --> 00:59:40,903
- You are sick.
1552
00:59:40,903 --> 00:59:44,776
- And you're my nigga,
nigga, nigga, nigga!
1553
00:59:44,776 --> 00:59:47,859
(Pauly makes noises)
1554
00:59:48,847 --> 00:59:50,264
What's up, bitch?
1555
00:59:51,183 --> 00:59:52,817
What's wrong, Willis?
1556
00:59:52,817 --> 00:59:54,457
- You just don't get it, do you?
1557
00:59:54,457 --> 00:59:56,048
That's not you, Pauly.
1558
00:59:56,048 --> 00:59:57,475
You got two choices here.
1559
00:59:57,475 --> 01:00:00,069
I mean either you're
gonna learn from your time
1560
01:00:00,069 --> 01:00:01,365
in jail or not.
1561
01:00:01,365 --> 01:00:02,808
I mean it's your decision, man.
1562
01:00:02,808 --> 01:00:04,232
So what's it gonna be, Pauly?
1563
01:00:04,232 --> 01:00:07,065
You gonna change your past or not?
1564
01:00:09,734 --> 01:00:11,401
Nigga, nigga, nigga.
1565
01:00:19,542 --> 01:00:21,069
- Jump him, jump him!
1566
01:00:21,069 --> 01:00:23,429
Move it right there, jump him!
1567
01:00:23,429 --> 01:00:25,558
- Sam Ruben here with the
expose that has stunned--
1568
01:00:25,558 --> 01:00:26,418
- Jump him right there!
1569
01:00:26,418 --> 01:00:28,885
- ... personally and
outraged, and who is it?
1570
01:00:28,885 --> 01:00:31,267
The fact that a performer
who is as low-brow
1571
01:00:31,267 --> 01:00:34,045
and sophomoric as Pauly
Shore, tired to fake
1572
01:00:34,045 --> 01:00:38,146
the public sympathies by,
well, faking his own death,
1573
01:00:38,146 --> 01:00:39,873
is frankly disgusting.
1574
01:00:39,873 --> 01:00:42,964
This, friends, is a new low
in the annals of Hollywood
1575
01:00:42,964 --> 01:00:46,193
Babylon, and believe you,
me, that is pretty low.
1576
01:00:46,193 --> 01:00:47,946
As I've stated time and time again,
1577
01:00:47,946 --> 01:00:50,633
Pauly Shore is a low-brow buffoon.
1578
01:00:50,633 --> 01:00:52,110
- Look at that shit, man.
1579
01:00:52,110 --> 01:00:53,547
- This is Quin Colin from
Dickenson, North Dakota
1580
01:00:53,547 --> 01:00:55,017
and I want send this
out to Pauly in prison.
1581
01:00:55,017 --> 01:00:57,950
I hope some dumb-ass convict
makes you his bitch, Pauly.
1582
01:00:57,950 --> 01:00:58,783
Woo!
1583
01:01:02,233 --> 01:01:03,660
- So Pauly gave each one of you
1584
01:01:03,660 --> 01:01:06,505
a sexually transmitted disease?
1585
01:01:06,505 --> 01:01:07,677
- Yes, me not.
1586
01:01:07,677 --> 01:01:10,319
- Not only did he give
me a yeast infection,
1587
01:01:10,319 --> 01:01:13,031
but I also have allergies.
1588
01:01:13,031 --> 01:01:16,948
Which I did not have
before I slept with Pauly.
1589
01:01:18,100 --> 01:01:19,683
Thanks a lot, jerk.
1590
01:01:20,699 --> 01:01:22,613
- What a bastard.
1591
01:01:22,613 --> 01:01:25,825
- Pauly, if you're watching me right now,
1592
01:01:25,825 --> 01:01:27,325
enjoy jail, buddy.
1593
01:01:28,476 --> 01:01:30,782
(crowd cheers)
1594
01:01:30,782 --> 01:01:33,282
(Pauly yells)
1595
01:01:36,773 --> 01:01:38,026
- Shut up!
1596
01:01:38,026 --> 01:01:41,276
- I don't want to see anybody get hurt.
1597
01:01:48,559 --> 01:01:50,976
- Let me call you back, baby.
1598
01:01:58,421 --> 01:01:59,900
- Cold.
1599
01:01:59,900 --> 01:02:01,029
- Hey man, hey.
1600
01:02:01,029 --> 01:02:02,041
Hey!
1601
01:02:02,041 --> 01:02:04,560
You gotta pay for that.
1602
01:02:04,560 --> 01:02:05,560
- I'm sorry.
1603
01:02:08,190 --> 01:02:09,059
How's this?
1604
01:02:09,059 --> 01:02:10,252
- Come on, dude.
1605
01:02:10,252 --> 01:02:11,482
Man, Jesus.
1606
01:02:11,482 --> 01:02:12,613
Man, come on.
1607
01:02:12,613 --> 01:02:13,744
- Just call the cops.
1608
01:02:13,744 --> 01:02:14,710
- What do you mean call the cops, man?
1609
01:02:14,710 --> 01:02:15,723
- Calm down.
1610
01:02:15,723 --> 01:02:17,544
- If I call the cops, they're
gonna come get you, dude.
1611
01:02:17,544 --> 01:02:18,711
Take the money, I don't--
1612
01:02:18,711 --> 01:02:20,214
- Be cool, be cool, be cool, alright?
1613
01:02:20,214 --> 01:02:22,127
You never been robbed before, have ya?
1614
01:02:22,127 --> 01:02:23,270
- Just put that gun down.
1615
01:02:23,270 --> 01:02:24,711
- Call el cope.
1616
01:02:24,711 --> 01:02:26,044
El telephone-eh.
1617
01:02:29,071 --> 01:02:30,404
9-1-1.
1618
01:02:32,682 --> 01:02:34,432
Goddamn Californians.
1619
01:02:35,541 --> 01:02:36,822
- The cops...
1620
01:02:36,822 --> 01:02:38,358
I'll get them.
1621
01:02:38,358 --> 01:02:39,858
- I'll be outside.
1622
01:03:11,908 --> 01:03:13,323
- Lock that hick up!
1623
01:03:13,323 --> 01:03:14,450
- Yeah, yeah.
1624
01:03:14,450 --> 01:03:15,570
- Anything you say, and
will, be used against you
1625
01:03:15,570 --> 01:03:16,531
in a court of law--
1626
01:03:16,531 --> 01:03:17,549
- I know, Bernie.
1627
01:03:17,549 --> 01:03:18,406
I know, Andy.
1628
01:03:18,406 --> 01:03:19,239
Let's roll.
1629
01:03:19,239 --> 01:03:20,072
- Get in.
1630
01:03:28,427 --> 01:03:29,760
- Whoa, hey, hey, hey!
1631
01:03:29,760 --> 01:03:31,093
Cell B, suicide.
1632
01:03:33,063 --> 01:03:34,313
Open this door!
1633
01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:40,513
You tripping, Pauly.
1634
01:03:40,513 --> 01:03:41,586
What's wrong with you, man?
1635
01:03:41,586 --> 01:03:42,894
Get this dude out of here.
1636
01:03:42,894 --> 01:03:43,804
He's going crazy.
1637
01:03:43,804 --> 01:03:44,888
Trying to kill yourself up in my cell.
1638
01:03:44,888 --> 01:03:46,466
Why you put him in my cell?
1639
01:03:46,466 --> 01:03:47,873
Get him outta here, man.
1640
01:03:47,873 --> 01:03:50,373
(Pauly yells)
1641
01:03:51,602 --> 01:03:53,019
- No, I can't go!
1642
01:03:59,416 --> 01:04:00,249
No!
1643
01:04:01,970 --> 01:04:02,803
Assholes!
1644
01:04:07,896 --> 01:04:10,380
- Pauly, it's Adam Sandler.
1645
01:04:10,380 --> 01:04:12,468
You know, the guy that
keeps you up all night.
1646
01:04:12,468 --> 01:04:14,442
The guy that makes 20 mil a movie
1647
01:04:14,442 --> 01:04:16,172
when you can't get one made.
1648
01:04:16,172 --> 01:04:17,616
Woo-hoo (giggles).
1649
01:04:17,616 --> 01:04:18,715
- You know what?
1650
01:04:18,715 --> 01:04:19,548
Fuck you, Sandler.
1651
01:04:19,548 --> 01:04:20,645
Fuck you, how about that?
1652
01:04:20,645 --> 01:04:21,852
- "Fuck you, Sandler.
1653
01:04:21,852 --> 01:04:22,729
"Fuck you."
1654
01:04:22,729 --> 01:04:23,917
Ah, horseshit.
1655
01:04:23,917 --> 01:04:25,145
- You know, I don't get
what's the difference
1656
01:04:25,145 --> 01:04:26,268
between me and you, bro.
1657
01:04:26,268 --> 01:04:27,101
Huh?
1658
01:04:27,101 --> 01:04:27,934
- Exactly.
1659
01:04:27,934 --> 01:04:28,905
What is the difference?
1660
01:04:28,905 --> 01:04:30,260
There is no difference, you dumbass.
1661
01:04:30,260 --> 01:04:31,775
- You know when I get outta here
1662
01:04:31,775 --> 01:04:34,045
I'm gonna beat the shit outta you!
1663
01:04:34,045 --> 01:04:36,472
- Well I'll be waiting, Pauly.
1664
01:04:36,472 --> 01:04:40,089
But just remember: it's "Billy Madison,"
1665
01:04:40,089 --> 01:04:42,496
not "Buddy Madison."
1666
01:04:42,496 --> 01:04:46,606
It's the "The Wedding Singer,"
not "The Weasel Singer."
1667
01:04:46,606 --> 01:04:49,010
You'll also be The Weasel.
1668
01:04:49,010 --> 01:04:51,470
You'll always be The Weasel.
1669
01:04:51,470 --> 01:04:53,887
(Pauly sobs)
1670
01:05:04,021 --> 01:05:07,499
- Jesus Christ, what the
fuck happened to you?
1671
01:05:07,499 --> 01:05:09,442
- You tell me what happened to me, okay?
1672
01:05:09,442 --> 01:05:10,930
This is your fault.
1673
01:05:10,930 --> 01:05:13,264
You're the one who told me to kill myself.
1674
01:05:13,264 --> 01:05:14,757
- Yeah, you know what?
1675
01:05:14,757 --> 01:05:15,614
You're right.
1676
01:05:15,614 --> 01:05:18,383
I said, "Kill yourself,"
not "Fake your death,"
1677
01:05:18,383 --> 01:05:19,846
you fucking moron.
1678
01:05:19,846 --> 01:05:21,231
God, look at you.
1679
01:05:21,231 --> 01:05:23,147
I was just kidding.
1680
01:05:23,147 --> 01:05:24,476
I didn't think you'd do it.
1681
01:05:24,476 --> 01:05:26,781
- So now what am I supposed to do?
1682
01:05:26,781 --> 01:05:27,923
- You tell me.
1683
01:05:27,923 --> 01:05:29,785
Do you wanna live or do you wanna die?
1684
01:05:29,785 --> 01:05:30,779
- I dunno.
1685
01:05:30,779 --> 01:05:32,549
- Come on, I don't have all fucking day.
1686
01:05:32,549 --> 01:05:34,401
Let's go you little bastard!
1687
01:05:34,401 --> 01:05:36,470
(Sam yells)
1688
01:05:36,470 --> 01:05:37,577
- I want to live.
1689
01:05:37,577 --> 01:05:38,551
- I can't hear you.
1690
01:05:38,551 --> 01:05:40,263
- I said, "I want to live" Sam, okay?
1691
01:05:40,263 --> 01:05:41,973
I want to fucking live, alright?
1692
01:05:41,973 --> 01:05:43,665
- As Pauly, or as The Weasel?
1693
01:05:43,665 --> 01:05:45,192
- As The Weasel.
1694
01:05:45,192 --> 01:05:47,549
- No you dumb shit, as Pauly.
1695
01:05:47,549 --> 01:05:49,871
- But everybody knows me as The Weasel.
1696
01:05:49,871 --> 01:05:52,300
- Who gives a fuck what
everybody knows you as?
1697
01:05:52,300 --> 01:05:53,832
That's their problem.
1698
01:05:53,832 --> 01:05:55,555
You gotta start showing people the guy
1699
01:05:55,555 --> 01:05:57,452
that your friends and your family know.
1700
01:05:57,452 --> 01:05:59,243
The guy that used to cook me burgers
1701
01:05:59,243 --> 01:06:01,008
at The Comedy Store in West Wood.
1702
01:06:01,008 --> 01:06:02,261
That guy.
1703
01:06:02,261 --> 01:06:04,374
The Weasel's just a
defense mechanism to keep
1704
01:06:04,374 --> 01:06:06,157
the whole world at arm's length.
1705
01:06:06,157 --> 01:06:08,148
- Like your scream?
1706
01:06:08,148 --> 01:06:10,065
- Yeah, like my scream.
1707
01:06:12,061 --> 01:06:13,472
But enough about me, listen.
1708
01:06:13,472 --> 01:06:14,777
This is what you gotta do.
1709
01:06:14,777 --> 01:06:18,672
Starting tomorrow, you're
gonna learn how to act.
1710
01:06:18,672 --> 01:06:20,341
- You're joking.
1711
01:06:20,341 --> 01:06:21,907
- You're gonna be
one of the best actors
1712
01:06:21,907 --> 01:06:24,157
that Hollywood's ever seen.
1713
01:06:25,389 --> 01:06:26,917
- What?
1714
01:06:26,917 --> 01:06:28,316
- Look, you've seen the darkside.
1715
01:06:28,316 --> 01:06:29,898
You've felt the pain.
1716
01:06:29,898 --> 01:06:31,739
Welcome to the real world.
1717
01:06:31,739 --> 01:06:33,042
I already talked to all your friends,
1718
01:06:33,042 --> 01:06:34,337
they're gonna help you.
1719
01:06:34,337 --> 01:06:36,896
Todd, Lawrence, Pepe, all of them.
1720
01:06:36,896 --> 01:06:39,878
(phone rings)
1721
01:06:39,878 --> 01:06:41,063
Who is it?
1722
01:06:41,063 --> 01:06:42,590
Ah shit, it's Marilyn.
1723
01:06:42,590 --> 01:06:44,212
She wants her dildo back.
1724
01:06:44,212 --> 01:06:46,424
(Sam laughs)
1725
01:06:46,424 --> 01:06:48,743
I'll always be watching
out for you, Pauly.
1726
01:06:48,743 --> 01:06:50,371
I'll always be looking out for you.
1727
01:06:50,371 --> 01:06:51,621
Take care, man.
1728
01:06:53,324 --> 01:06:55,741
(Pauly sobs)
1729
01:07:15,026 --> 01:07:15,859
- Okay.
1730
01:07:22,119 --> 01:07:24,202
Shakespeare, Shakespeare.
1731
01:07:32,481 --> 01:07:34,832
- Here's one, Pauly.
1732
01:07:34,832 --> 01:07:35,832
Come on.
1733
01:07:35,832 --> 01:07:37,009
You can do it, you can do it.
1734
01:07:37,009 --> 01:07:37,842
Come on.
1735
01:07:47,492 --> 01:07:49,439
- And then it's verified
in the greens of our--
1736
01:07:49,439 --> 01:07:51,103
- No, no, no.
1737
01:07:51,103 --> 01:07:54,270
- Oh Hamlet, our dear brother's death!
1738
01:07:55,758 --> 01:07:58,560
- Yet on through, I have
that dear brother death
1739
01:07:58,560 --> 01:07:59,590
and O the--
1740
01:07:59,590 --> 01:08:00,760
- Make it stop!
1741
01:08:00,760 --> 01:08:04,927
- ... and I think that with
the reason that the day...
1742
01:08:09,839 --> 01:08:10,672
- This.
1743
01:08:14,139 --> 01:08:15,414
Oh God, not that.
1744
01:08:15,414 --> 01:08:16,247
Up here.
1745
01:08:16,247 --> 01:08:17,080
- Okay, okay.
1746
01:08:17,080 --> 01:08:18,080
- Okay, now.
1747
01:08:22,713 --> 01:08:23,546
- Whoa!
1748
01:08:27,356 --> 01:08:30,469
- And then he will despair
and then the behavior
1749
01:08:30,469 --> 01:08:33,136
and the law in some sort of way.
1750
01:08:40,527 --> 01:08:42,018
He should know the way!
1751
01:08:42,018 --> 01:08:45,637
(Pepe and Lawrence clap)
1752
01:08:45,637 --> 01:08:46,636
- There you go, yeah.
1753
01:08:46,636 --> 01:08:48,296
Now you're getting it, man.
1754
01:08:48,296 --> 01:08:49,546
There you, now.
1755
01:08:57,511 --> 01:08:59,261
- Holy, holy, hombre!
1756
01:09:23,008 --> 01:09:24,133
- Thank you, guys.
1757
01:09:24,133 --> 01:09:27,739
(prisoners cheer)
1758
01:09:27,739 --> 01:09:29,501
I can't believe I did it.
1759
01:09:29,501 --> 01:09:32,243
I'm back on top once
again, only this time,
1760
01:09:32,243 --> 01:09:34,052
it's with them.
1761
01:09:34,052 --> 01:09:36,331
You know, it's weird how
sometimes a bad thing in life
1762
01:09:36,331 --> 01:09:39,748
can actually turn out to be a good thing.
1763
01:09:57,900 --> 01:10:00,541
All the world's a stage, and men and women
1764
01:10:00,541 --> 01:10:03,162
are merley players, and one man,
1765
01:10:03,162 --> 01:10:05,184
in his time, plays many parts.
1766
01:10:05,184 --> 01:10:09,871
At first, the infant, then
the whining schoolboy,
1767
01:10:09,871 --> 01:10:11,630
then the lover.
1768
01:10:11,630 --> 01:10:13,298
- I'm gonna kill you, Weasel.
1769
01:10:13,298 --> 01:10:14,336
(Pauly screams)
1770
01:10:14,336 --> 01:10:15,419
- Shit, fuck.
1771
01:10:16,947 --> 01:10:20,324
- I drove all the way from
Kentucky for this moment.
1772
01:10:20,324 --> 01:10:21,611
- What's your name?
1773
01:10:21,611 --> 01:10:22,498
- Bucky.
1774
01:10:22,498 --> 01:10:23,373
- Bucky?
1775
01:10:23,373 --> 01:10:25,485
- I'm your number one fan, man.
1776
01:10:25,485 --> 01:10:26,914
Or I was.
1777
01:10:26,914 --> 01:10:27,954
- What do you want?
1778
01:10:27,954 --> 01:10:29,229
An autograph, a headshot, what?
1779
01:10:29,229 --> 01:10:30,424
- Oh yeah, yeah.
1780
01:10:30,424 --> 01:10:32,503
Autograph'll be real nice.
1781
01:10:32,503 --> 01:10:35,885
I'll have it written in your blood.
1782
01:10:35,885 --> 01:10:39,858
I have watched "Son in Law" 270 times.
1783
01:10:39,858 --> 01:10:40,691
- Huh?
1784
01:10:40,691 --> 01:10:42,456
- Watched all your MTV specials.
1785
01:10:42,456 --> 01:10:44,551
Hell, I even sat through
"Phantom of the Mall."
1786
01:10:44,551 --> 01:10:45,648
- You did?
1787
01:10:45,648 --> 01:10:47,065
- And I liked it.
1788
01:10:48,411 --> 01:10:49,891
- Well if you like me so much,
1789
01:10:49,891 --> 01:10:51,243
why are you trying to kill me?
1790
01:10:51,243 --> 01:10:53,720
- 'Cause you humiliated me, man.
1791
01:10:53,720 --> 01:10:54,992
You fucked with me.
1792
01:10:54,992 --> 01:10:56,311
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
1793
01:10:56,311 --> 01:10:59,622
- When I heard that you
was dead, it was like
1794
01:10:59,622 --> 01:11:02,705
my whole world was torn away from me.
1795
01:11:03,989 --> 01:11:06,390
But then I find out it's all a joke.
1796
01:11:06,390 --> 01:11:08,416
All a big funny fucking ha-ha.
1797
01:11:08,416 --> 01:11:10,400
Well I didn't find it too funny.
1798
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:13,024
What's all this Shapespeare
shit you was doing?
1799
01:11:13,024 --> 01:11:16,244
You ain't an actor, you're The Weasel.
1800
01:11:16,244 --> 01:11:18,880
- They weren't gonna do "Encino Man 2."
1801
01:11:18,880 --> 01:11:23,754
No studio was going to finance
"Son in Law" the sequel.
1802
01:11:23,754 --> 01:11:26,004
- What're you saying to me?
1803
01:11:29,732 --> 01:11:33,565
You're telling me that
The Weasel wasn't real?
1804
01:11:35,037 --> 01:11:36,687
It's all just a big money making scheme
1805
01:11:36,687 --> 01:11:38,890
for some corporation?
1806
01:11:38,890 --> 01:11:40,873
- Just like Ronald McDonald.
1807
01:11:40,873 --> 01:11:43,398
- You mean Ronald McDonald
ain't really a clown?
1808
01:11:43,398 --> 01:11:44,667
- No.
1809
01:11:44,667 --> 01:11:47,200
- Well I'mma hafta kill
that motherfucker too.
1810
01:11:47,200 --> 01:11:49,700
(Pauly yells)
1811
01:11:50,936 --> 01:11:52,731
- We just couldn't keep the ratings up
1812
01:11:52,731 --> 01:11:53,795
on the Fox show.
1813
01:11:53,795 --> 01:11:55,599
- That's because you weren't the Wiez.
1814
01:11:55,599 --> 01:11:58,485
You're some spoiled
rich kid from Brentwood,
1815
01:11:58,485 --> 01:12:00,246
and that shit ain't funny.
1816
01:12:00,246 --> 01:12:01,425
Hell, I even know that.
1817
01:12:01,425 --> 01:12:04,527
- Please don't kill me, please!
1818
01:12:04,527 --> 01:12:06,362
Please don't kill me!
1819
01:12:06,362 --> 01:12:07,793
I'm just...
1820
01:12:07,793 --> 01:12:09,043
I'm just Pauly!
1821
01:12:09,921 --> 01:12:12,338
(Pauly sobs)
1822
01:12:19,282 --> 01:12:21,032
It's okay, it's okay.
1823
01:12:29,286 --> 01:12:32,333
- I can never hurt you, man.
1824
01:12:32,333 --> 01:12:36,000
Now Ronald McDonald's
another fucking story.
1825
01:12:38,391 --> 01:12:42,058
I'll just have to watch
"Son in Law," again.
1826
01:12:45,058 --> 01:12:46,141
- Hey, Bucky?
1827
01:12:49,337 --> 01:12:50,837
Thanks for caring.
1828
01:12:56,225 --> 01:12:59,475
And thanks for being my number one fan.
1829
01:13:08,777 --> 01:13:10,259
- Make the movies.
1830
01:13:10,259 --> 01:13:12,509
Just one more time, please?
1831
01:13:15,145 --> 01:13:16,978
- I'm gonna act, okay?
1832
01:13:23,372 --> 01:13:24,955
Oh, one more thing.
1833
01:13:27,555 --> 01:13:29,472
No homies in the juice.
1834
01:13:31,398 --> 01:13:33,514
What movie's that from?
1835
01:13:33,514 --> 01:13:34,958
- "Encino Man."
1836
01:13:34,958 --> 01:13:36,708
- Say hi to Judgeito.
1837
01:13:38,534 --> 01:13:39,745
- "Jury Duty."
1838
01:13:39,745 --> 01:13:40,912
- Crazy, boys.
1839
01:13:42,361 --> 01:13:43,645
- "In the Army Now."
1840
01:13:43,645 --> 01:13:45,342
- Snabido, snabido.
1841
01:13:45,342 --> 01:13:47,605
- "Bio-Dome," "Bio-Dome."
1842
01:13:47,605 --> 01:13:48,688
- Imbreeders!
1843
01:13:49,846 --> 01:13:51,096
- "Son in Law!"
1844
01:13:52,766 --> 01:13:54,016
- "Son in Law!"
1845
01:14:07,641 --> 01:14:09,891
- You did that just for me.
1846
01:14:11,232 --> 01:14:12,232
- Thank you.
1847
01:14:13,759 --> 01:14:17,926
- I feel like the last person
that ever heard Elvis sing.
1848
01:14:22,384 --> 01:14:23,899
- Think I got everything.
1849
01:14:23,899 --> 01:14:24,775
- Yep.
1850
01:14:24,775 --> 01:14:27,941
- Richard Gere can have
Tibit, Alanis can have India,
1851
01:14:27,941 --> 01:14:31,031
but guys like you, me, Tommy, and Downy?
1852
01:14:31,031 --> 01:14:33,854
We found ourselves right
here in LA County, man.
1853
01:14:33,854 --> 01:14:35,499
- That's right, but I
think Downy's traveling
1854
01:14:35,499 --> 01:14:37,058
to one of those foreign places.
1855
01:14:37,058 --> 01:14:37,984
- Yeah.
1856
01:14:37,984 --> 01:14:39,784
Hey, I just wanna tell you,
Todd, that I've realized
1857
01:14:39,784 --> 01:14:41,954
a lot of things here in jail.
1858
01:14:41,954 --> 01:14:44,565
Number one: The Weasel
will always be part of me,
1859
01:14:44,565 --> 01:14:47,266
just like Willis will
always be part of you.
1860
01:14:47,266 --> 01:14:51,894
And number two: All the
girls that I had sex with,
1861
01:14:51,894 --> 01:14:54,772
they didn't want to have sex
with Paul Montgomery Shore,
1862
01:14:54,772 --> 01:14:57,062
the little Jewish boy from Beverly Hills,
1863
01:14:57,062 --> 01:15:00,209
they wanted to fuck The Weasel.
1864
01:15:00,209 --> 01:15:02,559
Anyways, thanks for everything, man.
1865
01:15:02,559 --> 01:15:04,255
- Yeah, but remember that was your choice.
1866
01:15:04,255 --> 01:15:05,912
Hey, next time you see
Sam, you tell him to tell
1867
01:15:05,912 --> 01:15:07,756
Red Foxx to come see me again, okay?
1868
01:15:07,756 --> 01:15:08,800
- Why?
1869
01:15:08,800 --> 01:15:10,406
- 'Cause that's my guardian angel.
1870
01:15:10,406 --> 01:15:12,656
- Well here, then take him.
1871
01:15:13,707 --> 01:15:15,374
- Hey, thanks Pauly.
1872
01:15:16,487 --> 01:15:17,594
Alright, brother.
1873
01:15:17,594 --> 01:15:18,756
- Alright, take care man.
1874
01:15:18,756 --> 01:15:19,589
- Bye.
1875
01:15:23,108 --> 01:15:26,345
- Always locking a brother up.
1876
01:15:26,345 --> 01:15:28,363
- I also realized
that Hollywood isn't such
1877
01:15:28,363 --> 01:15:29,954
a bad place after all.
1878
01:15:29,954 --> 01:15:32,645
In fact, it's probably
one of the most beautiful
1879
01:15:32,645 --> 01:15:34,627
places in the whole world.
1880
01:15:34,627 --> 01:15:36,446
People come out here
from all over the world
1881
01:15:36,446 --> 01:15:38,404
to try and get into show business.
1882
01:15:38,404 --> 01:15:41,482
Not just because they love to
sing, dance, act, or direct.
1883
01:15:41,482 --> 01:15:43,839
Everyone wants to be accepted.
1884
01:15:43,839 --> 01:15:47,422
In other words, we all
just wanna be loved.
1885
01:15:58,381 --> 01:15:59,716
- Ashley, come on!
1886
01:15:59,716 --> 01:16:00,863
Goddammit.
1887
01:16:00,863 --> 01:16:01,862
- What?
1888
01:16:01,862 --> 01:16:02,738
- Pauly's getting out of prison.
1889
01:16:02,738 --> 01:16:03,571
We're his ride.
1890
01:16:03,571 --> 01:16:04,414
We gotta go, let's go.
1891
01:16:04,414 --> 01:16:05,293
- Oh yeah.
1892
01:16:05,293 --> 01:16:06,210
- Let's go!
1893
01:16:08,194 --> 01:16:09,817
She's fucking retarded.
1894
01:16:09,817 --> 01:16:11,234
But she's pretty.
1895
01:16:12,745 --> 01:16:14,578
- Pauly Shore is a free man!
1896
01:16:14,578 --> 01:16:16,210
Hi everyone, I'm Nancy O'Dell.
1897
01:16:16,210 --> 01:16:17,534
- Hi Nacy, hi folks, I'm Pat O'Brien,
1898
01:16:17,534 --> 01:16:20,694
and let's get right to work
with a story gripping Hollywood.
1899
01:16:20,694 --> 01:16:23,455
Actor, comedian, Pauly
Shore is out of jail.
1900
01:16:23,455 --> 01:16:25,154
- Oh shit, is that my nigga?
1901
01:16:25,154 --> 01:16:26,264
Did he get out?
1902
01:16:26,264 --> 01:16:27,137
- Yeah, that's him.
1903
01:16:27,137 --> 01:16:27,970
Look at Pauly!
1904
01:16:27,970 --> 01:16:28,803
That's Pauly Shore.
1905
01:16:28,803 --> 01:16:29,841
- They let my nigga outta jail.
1906
01:16:29,841 --> 01:16:30,674
- That's what I'm talkin' about.
1907
01:16:30,674 --> 01:16:31,507
- Shit.
1908
01:16:31,507 --> 01:16:34,325
- Every network, every studio
head wants a piece of Pauly.
1909
01:16:34,325 --> 01:16:35,738
And guess what?
1910
01:16:35,738 --> 01:16:37,411
Access Hollywood's got him.
1911
01:16:37,411 --> 01:16:38,964
- That's my nigga right there.
1912
01:16:38,964 --> 01:16:41,045
Fresh out with a doubt.
1913
01:16:41,045 --> 01:16:43,297
You can't keep a real nigga down!
1914
01:16:43,297 --> 01:16:44,394
- You know what I'm saying?
1915
01:16:44,394 --> 01:16:47,294
- Fucking Downy
and his fucking ass,
1916
01:16:47,294 --> 01:16:48,613
you son of a bitch.
1917
01:16:48,613 --> 01:16:50,339
Pauly, the real deal.
1918
01:16:50,339 --> 01:16:52,456
- But was this a case
of art imitating life,
1919
01:16:52,456 --> 01:16:55,441
or Pauly Shore imitating
some pretty bad art?
1920
01:16:55,441 --> 01:16:58,391
You see, Shore was more
popular dead than alive.
1921
01:16:58,391 --> 01:17:00,890
Since his simulated
suicide, it seems everybody
1922
01:17:00,890 --> 01:17:02,641
wanted a piece of Pauly.
1923
01:17:02,641 --> 01:17:06,390
The question remains: is
Shore a shrewd shyster,
1924
01:17:06,390 --> 01:17:08,417
or a genuine genius?
1925
01:17:08,417 --> 01:17:10,697
- See the thing about Pauly
Shore is he's a genius.
1926
01:17:10,697 --> 01:17:12,709
The guy was always one
step ahead of Hollywood.
1927
01:17:12,709 --> 01:17:14,317
I mean look at "Meet the Parents."
1928
01:17:14,317 --> 01:17:15,776
It's a blatant rip-off of "Son in Law."
1929
01:17:15,776 --> 01:17:19,306
Guy just never got his due
because he was too good.
1930
01:17:19,306 --> 01:17:20,497
You know what I mean?
1931
01:17:20,497 --> 01:17:23,321
But now everybody sees that.
1932
01:17:23,321 --> 01:17:24,654
- Where's Pauly?
1933
01:17:25,623 --> 01:17:26,456
What?
1934
01:17:29,571 --> 01:17:30,869
- Speech, speech.
1935
01:17:30,869 --> 01:17:31,869
Come on, go.
1936
01:17:39,886 --> 01:17:42,803
- You're the best, you're the best.
1937
01:17:45,509 --> 01:17:48,509
- It's because you weren't the Wiez!
1938
01:17:51,696 --> 01:17:53,863
- I say it's a can't miss.
1939
01:18:13,264 --> 01:18:14,469
- Okay, you got it?
1940
01:18:14,469 --> 01:18:16,261
- Yeah man, I just wanna say thanks man.
1941
01:18:16,261 --> 01:18:17,263
- Don't touch me.
1942
01:18:17,263 --> 01:18:18,381
- No, that was great.
1943
01:18:18,381 --> 01:18:19,409
I just want to say thanks.
1944
01:18:19,409 --> 01:18:22,014
- Don't touch me, give me the pictures.
1945
01:18:22,014 --> 01:18:23,173
The negative in here?
1946
01:18:23,173 --> 01:18:24,175
- They're in there.
1947
01:18:24,175 --> 01:18:25,455
- Good, 'cause if I see
them showing up anywhere,
1948
01:18:25,455 --> 01:18:27,338
your ass is fucking grass!
1949
01:18:27,338 --> 01:18:28,577
- Okay, I just wanna say--
1950
01:18:28,577 --> 01:18:29,910
- Get off!
1951
01:18:30,974 --> 01:18:32,386
- Man...
1952
01:18:32,386 --> 01:18:33,874
They get so mad about it.
1953
01:18:33,874 --> 01:18:37,124
I guess that's the way the business is.
1954
01:18:39,043 --> 01:18:43,210
Last one there, and now I can
start working on the sequel.
1955
01:18:44,941 --> 01:18:47,608
(Pauly giggles)
1956
01:18:55,671 --> 01:18:57,619
And we're about to order, fuck...
1957
01:18:57,619 --> 01:18:59,024
Trevorina.
1958
01:18:59,024 --> 01:19:00,191
And uh, and...
1959
01:19:01,054 --> 01:19:02,659
Trevorina.
1960
01:19:02,659 --> 01:19:03,522
And action.
1961
01:19:03,522 --> 01:19:04,355
Nigga.
1962
01:19:05,848 --> 01:19:07,772
Ha, I was trying to get you.
1963
01:19:07,772 --> 01:19:10,733
- I remember something the
late Robin Williams said,
1964
01:19:10,733 --> 01:19:12,289
"Pauly Who?"
1965
01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:14,674
- Pauly Shore needed to die.
1966
01:19:14,674 --> 01:19:16,879
I know a lot of people said that.
1967
01:19:16,879 --> 01:19:19,694
- Thanksgiving, he didn't
eat any of the turkey.
1968
01:19:19,694 --> 01:19:23,861
He had about 15 e-tablets up his asshole.
1969
01:19:23,861 --> 01:19:26,444
"Happy Thanksgiving everybody,"
1970
01:19:27,700 --> 01:19:31,200
is what he said as popped the last one in.
1971
01:19:35,263 --> 01:19:37,118
- It's like the Snopp Dogg song.
1972
01:19:37,118 --> 01:19:39,208
It's like this, and like
that, and like this,
1973
01:19:39,208 --> 01:19:40,430
and you know?
1974
01:19:40,430 --> 01:19:42,988
I mean that's what I think
of when I think of Pauly.
1975
01:19:42,988 --> 01:19:46,571
- I've been
selling oranges, holmes!
1976
01:19:53,059 --> 01:19:54,517
- Dude, fuck rehab bro.
1977
01:19:54,517 --> 01:19:55,505
The only way to...
1978
01:19:55,505 --> 01:19:56,621
Sorry.
1979
01:19:56,621 --> 01:19:57,964
- That's okay.
1980
01:19:57,964 --> 01:19:59,428
- Dude, fuck rehab.
1981
01:19:59,428 --> 01:20:02,239
The only way to the top is with...
1982
01:20:02,239 --> 01:20:04,047
(Pauly laughs)
1983
01:20:04,047 --> 01:20:05,300
- Hey cool, man.
1984
01:20:05,300 --> 01:20:08,333
Before we go, here's a
demo of our band, stained.
1985
01:20:08,333 --> 01:20:10,043
I stuttered, we'll do it again.
1986
01:20:10,043 --> 01:20:12,613
- I thought this was a
fucking Eminem interview?
1987
01:20:12,613 --> 01:20:14,690
Laurie, what you got me doing here?
1988
01:20:14,690 --> 01:20:18,357
- Drop the soap,
you little bastard!
1989
01:20:20,864 --> 01:20:23,864
- There's a lot of talking going on.
1990
01:20:24,711 --> 01:20:27,709
This is the adlib, not the adlib.
1991
01:20:27,709 --> 01:20:31,278
This is when he says at
the end of the killing
1992
01:20:31,278 --> 01:20:34,375
of me scene says, what is it?
1993
01:20:34,375 --> 01:20:36,675
- It's a wild track for the prison scene.
1994
01:20:36,675 --> 01:20:38,577
- Right, there you go.
1995
01:20:38,577 --> 01:20:39,952
- Hey Pauly?
1996
01:20:39,952 --> 01:20:41,241
Tom Sizemore.
1997
01:20:41,241 --> 01:20:43,850
Thanks for sweet message.
1998
01:20:43,850 --> 01:20:46,598
I had an incredibly good time that day.
1999
01:20:46,598 --> 01:20:48,354
You're a natural-born director.
2000
01:20:48,354 --> 01:20:52,970
You really are, and thanks
for involving me, okay?
2001
01:20:52,970 --> 01:20:55,851
And when it comes time to
do press, if you need me
2002
01:20:55,851 --> 01:20:58,645
to say some kind things, don't hesitate
2003
01:20:58,645 --> 01:21:01,535
to ask me to do anything
to help your movie, okay?
2004
01:21:01,535 --> 01:21:02,535
I mean that.
2005
01:21:04,276 --> 01:21:06,106
- And we love you, Hollywood!
2006
01:21:06,106 --> 01:21:09,189
Thank you for coming out, good night!
2007
01:21:17,858 --> 01:21:19,287
(girls cheer)
2008
01:21:19,287 --> 01:21:21,988
- Congratulations
on the movie, Vern.
2009
01:21:21,988 --> 01:21:22,821
- Thanks.
2010
01:21:22,821 --> 01:21:23,654
- Woohoo.
2011
01:21:23,654 --> 01:21:24,487
- Cheers.
2012
01:21:24,487 --> 01:21:25,594
- Don't you think we should go get Pauly?
2013
01:21:25,594 --> 01:21:26,603
- Aww, fuck him.
2014
01:21:26,603 --> 01:21:28,560
There's not enough of
you girls to go 'round.
2015
01:21:28,560 --> 01:21:30,509
- Yeah, we got you, Vern.
2016
01:21:30,509 --> 01:21:32,178
- Yeah, baby.
2017
01:21:32,178 --> 01:21:33,678
- Congratulations.
2018
01:21:35,700 --> 01:21:38,088
- Knock it off with the pinky shit.
2019
01:21:38,088 --> 01:21:39,613
Where's Duke?
2020
01:21:39,613 --> 01:21:40,956
Duke!
2021
01:21:40,956 --> 01:21:42,264
Come here, come here, come here.
2022
01:21:42,264 --> 01:21:43,597
- Woohoo!
129010
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