All language subtitles for Only.Murders.in.the.Building.S05E01.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL

Welcome to the
end of your movie.

No fucking way.

But I would much rather have taken
Marshall out up close, you know?

I truly don't know how you
make words like that arousing.

I got married in this
courtyard, you know?

-Middle of the night with just the stars.
-Yeah, uh-huh.

-And the fountain as our witness.
-Uh-huh.

-I think it's good luck.
-Yeah, have a good day.

Eh, having a wedding.
We'll have a good day.

Nicky Caccimelio, the dry
cleaning king of Brooklyn,

has been reported missing.

The officials say they do not
suspect foul play at this time.

Mr. Savage, Miss Mora.

I wanna hire you to find my
husband, Nicky Caccimelio.

We only investigate
murders in the building.

Sofia Caccimelio.

Call if you change your mind.

Oh, my God.

Lester? Lester!

Lester Herbert Coluca was born

in Flatbush, Brooklyn in 1948.

He went on to serve
32 years as doorman

for the iconic Arconia building
on the Upper West Side.

Lester is survived by
his wife, Lorraine,

and two children, Frank and May.

"In lieu of flowers,
please send donations

"to the National Audubon
Birdwatching Society

or the Hollywood Improv East."

That's it? Four lines?

This is a crime against obits.

Where's the color? The texture?

The... the charming anecdote
that makes everyone say,

"That's our guy."

They should have come to me.

Come to you? Not like
his wife or kids, maybe?

Yes, to me, the man that... that
Lester used to whisper to on the daily.

"Hey there, favorite
tenant o' mine."

You're more upset
about that obit

than when the police declared
Lester's death an accident.

No, don't even get me
started on that one.

I'm upset about it all.

I loved that man.

The only thing I ever
saw was you accusing him

of pilching pepperonis
from your pizza delivery.

Well, he was a
pepperoni pilcher.

But that's what besties
do, they rib each other.

You wouldn't get it.

Ugh, I can't believe you're eating
four-day-old wedding shrimp.

Well, you can eat it for five
days if it's been on ice.

Six if you've recently
had salmonella.

Mm! I can't believe the
caterers forgot to serve this.

You just don't seem
like a shrimp guy.

Ah, shrimp is but the vessel
for the heavenly cocktail sauce.

Plus, I hate waste.

I'm so depressed.

Why does it smell like I'm down
at the piers cruising the docks?

Howard, I am not a fan of
this just-walking-in trend.

I don't care to live inside an
episode of Laverne and Shirley.

Howard, what's wrong?

Ah, thank you for asking, Mabel.

Sevelyn and Gravey are so in
love, it's like I don't exist.

Jonathan is still on tour
with Thoroughly Modern Millie.

Hopefully not getting thoroughly
Millied by some chorus boy.

I don't know what that means.

So, I'm left alone
with this pet couple

who expect me to wait
on them hand and paw.

Hold on. How much
shrimp do you have left?

-There's a second case in the fridge.
-I can buy their love.

Well, I suppose we
should get going?

Such an unusual request Lester
made, to lie in state in our lobby.

I was just down there doing a lap,
trying to get a sense of the buzz.

Biggest headline is the
security camera footage.

Let me guess. So, Lester's death

wasn't a tragic
accident after all.

Well, I mean, it is the Arconia.

When we found him, nothing
about that looked accidental.

Whoa there, Sherlock
Nursing Holmes.

Good one, Howard.

The footage sadly confirms Lester's
death was tragically accidental.

The buzz is about whether or
not the new doorman is hot.

I've tallied 15
smashes, two passes,

and one abstain from No Fun Uma.

Anyway, I'll see you downstairs.
After I feed the lovers.

So, it was a tragic accident?

I don't know.

Still seems...

well, a little fishy.

It's probably for the best.

No murder means no podcast.

No podcast means I get to
enjoy being a newlywed.

You get to be a 30-something
in the city, and you get to...

I don't know what you do.

What? Oh, I got stuff.

I don't really know
what to say to that.

-Oliver.
-No, no, Mabel.

Truthfully, I've seen his stuff,
and it's nothing to gloat about.

-Oliver.
-Oh, have I crossed a line, Charles?

Oliver!

-What?
-Why does the shrimp you're holding

have a fingernail?

It is a finger, right?

I don't think it's a toe.

Is it a male finger? Female?

I can't even tell
what race it is.

I think its main
attribute is dead.

Looks like there's some sort
of green fungus on the nail?

Don't pick it up!

-She picked it up.
-I knew she would!

Okay, Oliver, did
anyone at your wedding

mention an accident
in the kitchen?

Yes, Mabel, but I
kept it to myself.

Do better!

Please, nobody accidentally
slices off their finger

and then accidentally puts it
into a vintage shrimp goblet.

He's right. We gotta
quit saying "accident."

This is a message.

Ugh. So creepy.

It's like the horse
head in The Godfather.

Very mobby.

Hey.

Sofia Caccimelio.

Who is that? What's that?

On your wedding night,
the night Lester died,

-this mysterious woman...
-A real, uh, femme fatale.

...asked us to help her find her
missing mobster husband, Nicky.

A mob wife?! And
what did you say?

That we weren't a
detective agency.

You turned down a mob wife?!

Oh, my God.

Show me a photo of
Sofia Caccimelio.

Oh, look at them. A
classic mob couple.

No honest man wears
a flower that big.

They came to you on the
night of my wedding,

and you turn them down without
considering the consequences.

The Godfather. I know that one.

Fantastic. The
education is taking.

-That's a good Brando.
-That was a good Brando.

-Thank you.
-But you need to jut your chin out

a little, scratch your face
with the back of your knuckles.

Hey, buckie, you gotta get
your voice a little bit deeper.

-Get it, my voice a little low.
-I came to you...

Yeah, I made him an offer
he couldn't, uh, decline.

Okay, you know what? I'm so
sorry that I started this.

Can we please get back
to the fishy finger?

Whose could it be?

Did anyone check to see if Lester
had all his fingers in the fountain?

Alright. We just need a
quick peek at his digits.

-Get in, get out.
-Shouldn't be too hard.

I mean, I loved the man,
but I... I can't imagine

we'll be fighting off crowds.

Is this how we find out
that Lester was a Kennedy?

I don't know an eighth
this many people.

What's Mayor Tillman doing here?

-Oh, my goodness.
-Hi.

Excuse me... Mm-hmm.

Uh, if I could have everybody's
attention for just a moment.

Thank you.

Friends, family,

and... and, of course,

dear Lorraine, I am here today

because I love Lester...

who I did not know.

But I do love a great doorman.

And even better, a
collection of doormen.

That's a key voting
bloc. Union strong.

This building has seen
too much pain recently,

and I just wanted
to stop by and say

I stand with you all

in respecting the old
guard, like Lester.

Protecting while also
bringing new life back

to a new New York.

We love you, buddy.

Rest in strength, Mister...

Coluca. Blessed be.

Also, also, uh, let us not
forget that the election

is right around the corner, so
please, um, uh, get out to the polls.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Wow, that guy has rizz.

-Oliver!
-What? You taught me "rizz."

-No. You didn't do the assignment?
-How could you?

Assignment? I didn't know
there was an assignment.

They asked us to send a photo
of ourselves with Lester.

There was a whole email.

Oh, I unsubscribed
to all Arconia emails

after Howard kept spamming
us with his Dua Lipa fan fic.

Aw, Lester.

We're gonna miss you, buddy.

We really will.

Wait.

He's not doing the
dead man's arm cross.

How can I count his fingers if he's
not doing the dead man's arm cross?

Maybe because his finger
was chopped off by the mob?

Alright, um, change of plan.

Uh, you... you go, uh,
talk to Lester's wife,

and... express
your condolences.

-Oh, Lillian loves me.
-It's Lorraine.

Lorraine loves me, too.

And... and then, you
just, uh, gently ask

if Lester had all his
fingers when he died.

Oh, he gently asks that?

Because shouting it
would be inappropriate.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna work my way in there.

Best distance
ourselves from him.

Lester's building ledger?

Mrs. Coluca, please, I...

He'd want you to have it.

And besides, I think you might find
some very interesting tidbits in here.

My husband was nothing
if not thorough.

Hi. Excuse me.

-Hello.
-Hi.

Well, we just wanted to
say how sorry we are.

Mabel Mora, formerly
12E, now the West Tower.

Oh, Mabel, thank you. The
tenants were like family to him.

Yeah, well, and since we're all family,
we were hoping you could tell us,

uh, when you saw
him the last time,

did you happen to notice if
he was... fully complete?

Fully complete?

Okay, so let's, uh, get
one where I look solemn.

Oh! Charles-Haden Savage?

Well, the mayor's
a fan of Brazzos.

Uh, Bra-who?

No, no, I'm a huge
fan of the pod.

Right.

You know what would be good?

An endorsement.

Between the three of you,
you cover every demo.

I mean, you're gay, right?

Mm. Yeah, a little.

-Oh, well, got it. Close enough.
-Yeah.

So, could I be on the show?

Oh, well, uh, sorry,
but we're apolitical.

-Ah, yeah.
-Yeah.

-Damn.
-Yeah.

Well, uh, if you change
your minds, here's my card.

Romy.

-Thank you.
-Thank you, yeah.

Oh, my God, Lester.

Oh... What the hey?

Lester.

Oh, what a lovely
tribute, Rainey.

I just wish I'd gotten the
chance to clean his hat first.

You know, it was stained with
blood from that fountain,

and he took such pride
in his appearance,

and I just... he wouldn't
have wanted that.

It's true, it's true. In
all the years I knew him,

I don't think I ever saw
a wrinkle on his sleeve.

Yes. I'm sorry,
what's your name?

-Uh...
-Oliver Putnam, 10D.

Oh, you're 10D?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
no. I... I... I'm 10C.

-Oh!
-Yeah.

Sorry, you are 10D.

I... I just delivered you
Dude Wipes and a Playbill mag

with a spotlight
on Victor Garber.

-Mm!
-Excuse me, who are you?

Oliver, this is Randall, Lester's
trainee, and the new doorman.

Also, played upright
bass at your wedding.

-Oh.
-Putnam.

You're the cuckoo chick!

Excuse me, I'm the cuckoo what?

Cuckoo chick!

Lester likened all the tenants
to birds, his favorite hobby.

And you were the cuckoo chick!

The neediest bird
of all, the taker.

The taker? I was your
husband's favorite tenant.

I am no taker.

Well, clearly, the one
thing you never took

-was a picture with Lester.
-Oop.

Jesus Christ.

Hi, everybody. Hi,
I'm... I'm Mabel.

I used to visit this building

when I was a little
kid to visit my aunt.

You know, the term "doorman"

always seemed unfair because
Lester did way more than

just open the door.

One time, uh, my mom
forgot my birthday,

so I checked in with
Lester every hour

to see if she had sent
something, but she hadn't.

And then, Lester showed
up with a package

and said he'd found
it in the back.

It was a sketching pad, I...
He knew I loved to draw.

-One, two...
-Um, uh, Lester was such a kind

-and thoughtful man.
-Three...

-Hmm?
-Um,

-I don't think he'd admit this...
-Three, four...

...but he'd go out of his way to
save a little girl's birthday.

What the fuck are you doing?!

Oh, my God, is he
touching my husband?

He's doing it for Lester.

We're all going to hell.

So, all that feeling around, and
you couldn't get a finger count?

It was either eight or
11. He had gloves on.

Eleven? How could it be 11?

You don't wanna know.

Check it out, folks!

10D found proof of his
deep care for the man.

A photo of us from my wedding.

Admittedly, it's
not the best photo,

but that's Lester looking
joyful in the deep back,

beside my half-blurred face
and my fully blurred arm.

Uh, yeah, whoa, that...
that's a beauty.

Okay, fine. Okay, it's
not perfect but...

Is that a new swivel?

And I like this wallpaper.
Someone's been busy around here.

-It's getting there.
-She's leveling up.

Right? Then again, I
found finger shrimp

and got booed out of a wake.

This...

Hold on. You guys, come here.

-Is that Nicky Caccimelio?
-That's him.

The missing mobster was at your wedding?
The whole town is looking for him.

-And he's talking with Lester.
-And handing him an envelope.

So, Lester had a run-in
with the missing mobster

the night he accidentally
died? I don't buy that.

What if Nicky killed Lester?

Now, now, now, now, no, no,
no. Le... Let's not lead to...

Lester was killed in a mob hit?!

That's it, I'm texting Howard.

We need to see that
Arconia footage

that proved the cause
of Lester's death.

That's good.

But we need to talk to
Nicky's wife, Sofia.

We need to go to Staten Island.

We need to go
face-to-face with the mob.

Ah, well, you two
have fun with that.

-And let me know how it goes.
-Excuse me?

No, I don't do the mob.

Very little I won't do.

A musical about
9/11? Took that call.

But the mob? Nope.
Don't do the mob.

Oliver, we have dealt with
very threatening people before.

Why is this so different?

In '82...

I wrote a show called
Newark, Newark.

If you could make it there,

it turns out it has no bearing

on whether or not you
can make it anywhere.

Anyway, despite a towering score

and relatable nods
to airport traffic...

I had trouble finding investors.

So, I borrowed from the mob.

How much?

Four hundred dollars.

Yeah, I know. I know
what you're thinking.

"It's a miracle he's not
ass up in the East River."

But now, I am a newly wedded man
with a ring finger to protect.

So, Oliver Putnam
is staying put here.

Okay. Good.

But you seem awfully concerned

with how people perceive your
relationship with Lester.

What if I told you that
going was the best way

to prove how much you care?

-I have nothing to prove.
-Fine.

Charles and I will start
our newest podcast,

solve Lester's murder, and we
will reap in the glory alone.

And I wish you luck.

-Bye-bye!
-Bye.

Bye.

The silence is
deafening. I'm coming!

-Took you long enough. Come on.
-Jesus.

I still can't believe how casually
you put that rogue human finger

-in that fancy cup.
-Ugh.

It's dishwasher-safe.

But thank you for reminding me.

I keep wanting to
take a sip from it.

Alright, if we are onto
something, we'll need audio.

So, quick, somebody old

talk about the mafia.

Oh, uh, well, okay. You
wanna know about the mob, eh?

New York's most powerful
and dangerous famiglia.

Alright, I'm sorry I even asked.

We cannot lean into offensive
Italian stereotypes.

They live in the
Godfather house.

See, that's exactly
what I'm talking about.

No, no, Mabel. No, no, it...

It's literally the house
from The Godfather.

-Hey, how should we handle this?
-Delicately.

You already rejected her once.

Okay, just let me
take the lead, then.

Okay.

-Buongiorno, signore!
-Oh, this is how I die.

I am Charles and these
are my friends...

I know who you are, huh?

Come in. Let's go.

If only these
walls could scream.

Uh, what a beautiful home.

This must be the
original molding.

And the original nonna.

Mm, easy for you to say.

-Yo, let's go.
-Yeah.

Please, please, this way.

-Thank you.
-Let's go, let's go.

-Right, yeah.
-Please, please, thank you.

Gentlemen, we've got company.

Oh.

Jesus, how many are there?

It looks like a community
theater audition for Grease.

I'm Johnny. These
here are my brothers.

Tony, Mikey, Vinny.

And Braden.

Braden. Right.

-Suits you.
-Nice to meet yous.

You guys are the
podcasters, right?

So, you like tellin'
stories? Which is good,

'cause my brothers and I,
we got a story for you.

-Sit down.
-Oh, uh, no, we're actually,

we're fine standing because it
was a long, uh, drive and...

Hey!

Sit down.

-Yes, alright.
-Sitting.

There we go.

Ah, this is better.

The year, 1970.

Anthony "Tony Plate" owns a
restaurant in Little Italy.

-It's a popular spot.
-Hmm.

Partially because of their

highly fuckable tortellini.

But mostly because of
their faithful clientele,

like Paul Gambino, head of
the Gambino crime family.

-Hmm.
-You hear that, Oliver?

Me? Yes, why? Do... do I
not look like I'm listening?

One night, the Gambinos
approached Tony

with a work opportunity, much
like Sofia approached you.

But Tony refused.

Naturally, the Gambinos found
this to be a bit disrespectful.

You see, respect is
everything to the mob.

Right, Oliver?!

A-Again, I am listening.

Is it my eyes? I... I
worry one has gone lazy.

Few days later, Tony's
place was torched.

They fried him like an off-menu

-Fritto Misto.
-Mm.

Why?

'Cause when the mob offers
you an opportunity...

You say...

Yes.

Or soon,

you'll be sayin' nothing at all.

Whoa, no! That not necessary!

-Oh, God, dear no. Don't do it.
-Why is there always a gun?

♪ Nah-nah-nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah-nah-nah-nah ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah ♪

♪ Nahh, nahh ♪

-♪ Nah ♪
-♪ Naaaah ♪

That's alright.

I mean this as
respectfully as possible,

but what the hell is happening?!

It's our theme song.

Your... your theme
song for killing us?

No, no, no. No, it's...
it's for our podcast.

It's called, "'Ey,
I'm Talkin' Here!"

It's just us talking about
historical mob stories.

Yeah, yeah. Check
it out, fresh merch.

It's a Bluetooth speaker!

Wait, did... did you
think that was a real gun?

Oh, my God. May... Wait,
maybe Nonna was wrong.

Maybe we are intimidating enough

-to be real mobsters.
-Oh!

Bang, bang, bang,
bang, bang, bang!

Is that a finger?

No, no, no. Please, please,
please, please don't hurt us.

We just thought you were here
to do a collab on our podcast

because, well, you're
friends with our mom.

I... I'm sorry. Your mom?

Boys, the kid at Stop and Shop

said they don't even
make 3D Doritos anymore.

-Ma?
-Why is it so fucking dark in here?

I see you've met my sons.

Keep your fingers
outta my gravy.

So, you deny my
request to find Nicky,

and then show up at my home and
accuse me of sending you a finger?

Fine, so you didn't
send us the finger.

Then, can you explain what
you meant when you said

that your missing husband has
everything to do with our building?

'Cause our doorman is dead now,

and Nicky wasn't missing
at all that night.

He was at the Arconia.
We have proof.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, now...

Okay, there.

Look at that.

Oh, I should have
known. That bastard.

-Who's that? Who's that?
-Who's that?

Oh, it's Dad.

Okay, okay, boys.

-Come on, come on, get outta here!
-Oh!

-The adults need some space. Let's go.
-Hell yeah.

-Guys, she's gonna throw it again.
-Go long.

Braden, that's my ball!

So, clearly, you've heard
about my family's ties

to criminal activity.

But the truth is,
the mob is dead.

Okay, so you say
the mob is dead.

Why should we believe you?

Well, for one, if the
mob was still alive,

then why are my adult sons podcasting
about mob activity in the '70s?

Because that was the last time
there was anything to talk about.

I mean, Scorsese is
now making movies

about Native Americans,
and Irish people.

I mean, look at this place.

My husband spent
our life savings

moving us into the
goddamn Godfather house,

and it doesn't
even have the den.

-Really?
-This still doesn't explain

what Nicky was
doing with Lester.

We own Clean-Ups, the dry
cleaner in the Arconia.

Clearly, Nicky couldn't be bothered
to tell his family he's alive,

but he can still find the time to drop
off receipts with your front desk.

Receipts? When you came to
us, it seemed so urgent.

Look, Nicky has a history
of "disappearing."

Drugs, gambling,
countless women.

But when he went missing,

I was hoping that maybe
you would find him

before the world discovered that
he's just a failed mobster...

with a fetish for gardenias.

Is there any chance that this
is your husband's finger?

-Do you have a few more?
-Uh, just the one.

Kinda hard to tell
without the full set.

Well, maybe this would help.

"Hey, honey,
pass-a the Prego!"

That is incredibly offensive.

-Mi scusi.
-No, it isn't his.

My husband had very hairy hands.

He once had them permed.

Great, now I'm getting
emotional. You should go.

-Oh, um...
-S-Sorry.

-Thank you.
-Put that in the cup.

That was awkward.

Yes, well, awkward is typically
my experience in Staten Island.

Wait! Uh, Mr. Savage!

-Thank you.
-Mr. Savage...

you must think I'm crazy,
wanting to find a man

who clearly doesn't
want to come home.

You just don't seem like someone
who'd settle for a womanizer.

You seem like
someone who knows...

what up.

Have you ever seen
him stand like that?

I think he calls that
the Savage Swagger.

Charles...

My marriage is over,

and my family business
is hanging by a thread.

I'm... I'm worried we
might lose the house.

I'll see what I can do.

But if it turns out he killed
Lester, all bets are off.

Deal.

Oh, I... that reminds me.

Nicky used to carry these decks
around everywhere he went,

but, uh, the night he went missing,
he left it on my nightstand.

I mean, I... I don't know.
Maybe it's something.

I have a facility with cards.

Oh.

Among other things.

Thank you.

I've gotta stop doing that.

I don't live in
this tower anymore.

Oh, I gotta call Loretta. I'm
not used to the time change yet.

It's a million
o'clock over there.

How's she liking New Zealand?

Oh, she loves it, yeah.

Did you know that the toilets
flush in the other way?

Ah.

It's funny what gets her going.

Yeah.

-You okay?
-Oh, oh yeah.

No, it's just that, you
know, you're married now,

and it's the start of
a whole new chapter,

and Mabel, she's got a
million new chapters.

I'm just not sure
what's next for me.

Mini existential crisis?

Oh, no, no, no.

But, you know, when you have
a Reuben at Katz's Deli,

and you don't get the heartburn,
but you know it's coming?

This is what I
want to say to you.

Do you know what
solves everything?

Pepcid, chased with two Tums.

I'll see you in the morning.

Ooh.

Mrs. Durkin-Putnam,
as I live and breathe.

Yes, no, you did.

Uh, you did tell me
about the toilet.

Is that a map?

Howard?

This doesn't prove anything.

Where's the footage
from the courtyard?

What is he doing?

What the hell?

Hmm.

You know I cared about you, pal.

But it wouldn't hurt if
the building knew, too.

Oh, God. Are you
having an episode?

My grandma gets
these all the time.

There's a map on the back
of one of Nicky's cards!

You can only see it if
you look through red.

It's an old spy trick, look.

My God. Whoa.

-Come on.
-Wait, we...

This is crazy.

Wait, it's leading us
through all the blind spots

from the security footage.

I've been mapping them
out. Okay, where to next?

Um... I drank the map.

Wait.

I have an idea.

How 'bout now?

-Let's go.
-Yes!

Wait a second.

I know this closet.

Hey! Look.

But, this is new.

Closed?

Ah, come on. Hello?
This is a hat emergency!

Hello?

It's locked.

Hello? Anyone here?

I'm... I'm just
dropping off a chapeau.

Ah, his uniform.

I'm gonna rescue you.

Whoa, mama.

This table's been through it.

What do you think happened here?

When a person passes,

we strive to remember
them exactly as they were.

Yet, when we think
of our own legacy,

there's a quiet hope to be
remembered for our best,

not our mistakes, or
our flops, or worse...

Oh.

...the secrets we tried to bury.

Ooh!

What do we have here?

This card has numbers
on the bottom.

Six, 24, zero, zero.

Is that a phone
number? Address? What?

Numbers.

Oh, that's just a roulette
wheel, that's got noth...

Wait, what?

-Give me the numbers again.
-Six.

Twenty-four.

Zero, zero.

I need white shirts.
Look at that.

Oh, God. Right.

Charles, that's the envelope

that Nicky gave
Lester at the wedding.

Lester was here
the night he died.

This was no tragic accident.

We need to find
Nicky Caccimelio.

Ah, gotcha!

The parts we most
try to hide...

well, sometimes they slip out...

...into the light.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah ♪

♪ Naah ♪

♪ Naaaah ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah ♪

♪ Naah ♪

♪ Naaaah ♪