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I don't if know what happened to me was real

or if it was just a dream.

I'm not even sure that that matters anymore.

But I feel like I owe you all an apology.

If you're gonna to believe any of this, or even understand it,

I feel like I'm gonna have to start at the beginning.

Looking back, it seems like only yesterday.

I fell in love with my wife

April when I was about five years old.

Richie, do you want some honeysuckle tea?

I guess.

I learned then when it comes to women,

there's always a catch.

You're my fella, Richie.

And when a girl meets a fella, they end up

having tea and getting married.

Oh.

I wanna be a spaceman and fly to the moon.

Come in, April.

Time for dinner.

OK, Mom.

We'll get married when you get back from the moon.

I'll wait for you.

I don't care how

much you plan for your future.

You don't know what it's actually gonna

be like until you live it.

The years passed quickly, and with them came children,

bills, and responsibilities.

There was never enough time, money, or freedom.

Somewhere between honeysuckle tea and "how did I get here?",

my life happened, and I didn't recognize myself anymore.

I know a man must die, but I didn't know

that he was bound to die twice.

Long before he's put into the ground,

he must trade the man of his youth,

his goals and dreams, for mowing lawns, taking out the trash,

and weekends of antiquing.

Nice ride, Mr. Chaplin.

That's kind of like dying, right?

I don't regret marrying April and having a family.

I regret not really understanding

what that life would look like.

I wasn't prepared for it.

April got tired of me passing through life like a sleepwalker

and asked for a separation.

I wasn't prepared for that, either.

Wake up, sunshine.

Breakfast is served.

What time is it?

It is Sunday.

That's what time it is.

Oh.

Another Sunday already?

Oh.

Do you know I've been preaching to the same people for 15

years, and nothing changes?

Can't somebody else do it?

Can't somebody else be you?

No.

Not only is that defying the laws of physics,

nobody would want to you right now.

Fried calamari?

What do you want from me?

I run an Italian restaurant.

Look, Rich, I know your wife threw you out.

Your kids want nothing to do with you.

You're burned out on your job.

But buddy, start looking at things from the bright side.

OK, I guess there is no bright side.

You ever wish you were someone else

so that you could be free to live

the life you were supposed to?

Who doesn't?

Look at me.

I was supposed to be a hot shot Hollywood director.

Instead, I run a restaurant for the meanest guy on the planet.

Look, you play the hand you were dealt. I'll see you in church.

I'll see you later.

Pastor, you got a minute before the service

this morning? -Sure.

Come on in.

Bill, Maggie, baby.

So how can I help you?

It's about our baby.

She's just a baby.

It's not her fault.

You're always taking her side.

Guys.

Look, we didn't plan on the financial burden of a baby,

and it's putting a strain on our marriage.

We're hoping you had some advice.

Well, figure it out soon, because lawyers are

more expensive than children.

I gotta get ready for church.

What are you looking at?

So how does the story of the Prodigal Son end?

Kid comes home after squandering away his father's fortune,

and he is-- you guys are gonna love this-- pretty much,

he is treated like a rock star.

Huh?

You know, when you're a rock star.

Waa! Waa!

Waa! Waa!

Huh?

Now, he's got on the drums.

The crowd goes wild!

And the respectful son, right, the guy

who stayed home and he did the right thing,

you know what he got?

Does anybody here know what the guy that did the right thing

got?

Nada!

Nothing!

Zip!

So there you have it.

Life is unfair.

That about covers it.

Well, thank you.

That was-- interesting.

Let's everyone pick up their hymnals.

I've tried everything.

I don't understand why I haven't leapt yet.

Just hang in there a little longer, Sam.

I'm working on it.

"Quantum Leap" will

return after these messages.

Obnoxious.

When subtlety isn't enough.

The following live presentation

is a paid-for advertisement.

Did you ever wish you were someone else?

You have no idea.

Have you ever wondered, is this all there is?

Every day.

Hello, folks.

I'm Big Earl, and I'm here to tell

you about a program guaranteed to give

you a new heart and spirit.

But you have to act fast.

Time is running out.

Call now.

Big Earl, got that?

Well, Michael, how's school?

Why is it when parents don't know what to say to their kids

they ask about school?

Well, school is important and gives--

I don't like this food.

So what's new with you, Briar?

Nothing.

Who are you texting?

It's really none of your business.

She's in love with a boy.

- Shut up, dorkalo! - Children--

I'm not a child!

So everybody enjoying their meal?

What is it?

Well, young lady, that is the house special, a sauteed tripe

in a mongoose marinade.

Hmm?

Oh, I'm needed in the kitchen.

Bon appetit.

What's a tripe?

What's a mongoose?

You don't have to eat that.

86 the marinade!

Hey, Mikey, where's your mom?

Probably in the garage.

Hey, maybe next week could go to that,

uh, that game place you like.

Hey.

What's all this?

Cleaning out the garage and turning it into an art studio.

What?

What started all of this?

I haven't painted since college.

I like to finish what I start.

You saying that I don't?

Well, there's the playhouse you were

supposed to build the kids.

You said, what's the point?

They're just gonna grow out of it one day.

And then there was the mug that Ruby was supposed

to paint me for Mother's Day.

I think that was about the time you checked out

and just, you know, stopped trying.

OK, but what else besides those?

What else didn't you finish?

Um, oh, yeah, our marriage.

I'm not the one who asked for a separation.

But you've changed, Richie.

You are not the man that I married.

I mean, it's like you're a roommate,

and all you do is complain about how unfulfilled your life is.

I mean, do you have any idea what it does to a women's

spirit to feel like, you know, she's an anchor

around her husband's neck?

It's not like that at all.

Haven't you ever wondered if there was more out there?

More than us?

I mean, more than me?

That's not what I meant.

I have waited for you to figure out what's important, Richie.

OK?

And after 15 years and three kids, I am still waiting.

How come I'm not in the picture?

Because you haven't wanted to be.

April, wait a second.

April.

Obnoxious.

When subtlety isn't enough.

Big Earl here, reminding you of a program guaranteed

to wash the old you away.

Make the first step for a new you.

Call now.

Your stone heart will be replaced,

but you have to act now.

Time's running out.

Well, he's persistent.

I'll give him that.

You call now.

I'm talking to you.

Hello, this is Tony.

Hey.

I need cheering up.

Wanna come over with a movie or two

from your massive collection?

All right.

Cool.

See you in a bit.

I don't get what you're doing, Lord.

I was supposed to be a great man, a leader, someone

who inspired people, Lord.

But instead, I'm-- I feel like I'm nothing.

I'm nothing.

I'm ordinary.

I'm miserable.

I'm losing my family.

Please, God, help me to be the man you want me to be.

Help me to be anybody except who I am.

Tony?

Tony?

Time to get up, Mr. Bastion.

The sluggard craves and gets nothing,

but the desire of the diligent is fully satisfied.

No eggs this morning for you.

The doctor says you need more fiber.

Uh, where am I?

Now, don't you start making a fuss about this breakfast.

Fresh fruit never hurt anybody.

Who-- who are you?

I'm-- I'm-- I'm sorry, ma'am.

I don't know what happened.

I-- I think I just-- I-- I must've been sleepwalking

and-- and wandered into the wrong house.

Are you all right, Mr. Bastion?

I-- I gotta-- I'll be going now.

I'm-- I'm-- I'm sorry.

I don't-- I don't know what happened.

I'm sorry.

Ah!

Mr. Bastion, you open this door.

You're scaring me.

Wake up.

Wake up, Rich.

Wake up.

Ah!

Hold on, Mr. Bastion.

I'm gonna call your doctor.

I knew something like this would happen.

OK, this isn't happening.

This is just a bad dream, Rich.

He's having another one of his spells,

and I can't find his heart pills anywhere.

Mr. Bastion, you come back here!

You need to take your pills!

Ah!

Eh, looks like he tied one on again last night.

Tony?

Tony!

Oh, oh, goodness!

Oh, hey.

Oh, it's so good to see you, buddy.

Good to see you, too, Mr. Bastion.

What?

Maybe we should get in the car.

You come back here, Mr. Bastion!

You need to take your medicine!

Good idea.

Let's get outta here!

Yeah.

Something really weird is happening, Tony.

I know.

I don't know what it is, but traffic's backed up for miles.

Hey, Carl, take the side roads.

Stay off the highway.

Tony, look at me.

What do you see?

Well, I see a very brilliant and successful restaurateur.

No, who do you see?

Well, I see you, Mr. Bastion.

Do you-- do you want something to drink?

Thank you.

You're not gonna believe this, but when I woke

up this morning, it was-- ugh!

What is this, whiskey?

Frank, do you feel all right?

No, I'm not.

I'm tired.

My joints ache.

My stomach is on fire.

I need some air.

I need some-- oh!

He's having a heart attack!

Ow!

Tony, what is happening to me?

Frank, do you have your heart pills?

-I am not Frank! -Aw, man.

Time to look for another job.

We need to-- you need to give him a pill.

No, sir.

What if I get some of that heart attack spit on me?

I'm Rich!

Yeah, well, you're gonna be rich and dead

if you don't take this pill?

I'm Rich!

Rich Chaplin!

Tony, help me.

Help me, Tony.

Help me.

Help me, Tony.

Oh.

Oh, I'm starving!

What?

I need food.

You gotta be kidding me.

Butter.

"Nothing you do-- nothing you do will ever be good enough."

"You have a terrible smile." "Who do you think you are?"

Oh, come on!

Hi, this is Chloe.

Leave a message.

I don't know what kind of game

you're playing, Chloe, but you better not

be late for this photo shoot.

This is your last chance with this client.

You got that, Chloe?

Last chance!

Hello?

Hello?

"You're ugly.

Work harder"?

"You're worthless"?

Wow, this is getting ridiculous.

Oh, here he is.

Hello, this is Tony.

Tony, it's me again.

Yes, ma'am.

What can I do for you?

It's me, Rich Chaplin?

Your best friend?

Look, lady, I am in no mood for this kind of thing today.

Listen to me carefully.

Your name is Fabrizio Morelli.

You've called yourself Tony since the second grade,

because you didn't like the name Fabrizio.

When we were 12, I helped you break

the world's record for stuffing the most

frogs down a person's pants.

I need your help, Tony.

And if you think it was weird when I was your boss,

just wait until you see me as a starving model in 4-inch heels.

You do realize that you look like a beautiful woman.

I'm aware of that.

You got anything to eat in here?

I'm starving.

Would it be weird if I asked you out?

I mean, technically, you're not you anymore, and we have a--

Dude, get over the way that I look

and help me figure out what is happening to me.

Of course. You're right.

All right.

Uh, OK, did you have a recent encounter

with a genie or a leprechaun?

No.

-A unicorn? -No.

All right, rules that out.

Are you now or have you ever been

a terminator, replicant, or any other form of biorobotic being?

All right, that rules out science fiction.

All right.

Were you recently bitten, perhaps, by a--

OK, you know what?

This is-- this is getting us nowhere.

Really?

Well, all right.

What is the last thing you remember before this happened?

I was-- I was at the church waiting for you to come over.

Yeah, but that's just it.

I did come over last night.

We watched movies till, like, 2:00 in the morning.

You're telling me you don't remember that?

No, I don't remember that.

This is so weird.

All right, so then what happened?

I don't know.

I was watching TV.

This guy was talking about the new me, and I prayed.

You prayed?

Yeah, I prayed.

So what?

That changes everything, friend.

Divine intervention.

It's a whole other ball game.

"It's a Wonderful Life"?

1946.

Frank Capra's iconic masterpiece.

The answer to your dilemma rests in here.

You're saying I'm supposed to watch this movie?

I'm saying you're supposed to live this movie.

Obviously, your prayers were answered.

Clearly, you have something you need to do.

I suggest you go with it.

Go with it?

I'm a man of God!

I don't believe in magic or fantasy!

God doesn't work this way!

What, you mean miracles?

OK.

If I'm supposed to help you, the first thing you are gonna do

is eat.

Yeah.

Oh.

Hello?

So now, you answer your phone.

Are you flaking on me again, Chloe?

You called earlier.

Yes, Chloe.

That's what agents do.

And as your agent, I'm now asking,

why aren't you at the shoot?

There is no need for you to yell like that.

It's disrespectful.

I'm texting you the directions.

Again.

OK, go with it.

Where is she?

The client is losing confidence.

Not to worry.

I'm sure she'll walk in any second now.

Hi, guys.

Sorry I'm late.

Interesting choice.

Tell me you can fix that.

Maybe with a spatula and a blowtorch.

The poor girl needs some lessons in self-defense.

Who did this to her?

You've really done it now, Chloe.

Look at you.

I told you this was your last chance.

I don't feel so good.

I feel dizzy.

Get it together, you freak.

Or I will ruin you in this town.

Hello, Chaplin residence.

Hello, Briar?

Yeah.

Who's this?

It's-- wrong number.

Sorry.

So who was that on the phone?

Some weirdo, I guess.

Well, I guess that's all that's left.

I can ask Colin to come haul it away.

This is not the way it was supposed to happen.

He promised me--

Who, Dad?

How do you know if a boy's is gonna break his promise to you?

Is there something that you want to tell me?

No. What are you talking about?

Ooh, yes.

Yeah, I like it.

OK.

There you go.

Wow.

She looks awful.

You got anything to eat?

Tell me there is something you can do about her makeup.

Uh, I could blend it a bit.

Actually, the client likes this look.

Heroin chic.

Kind of a raw, postmodern nouveau.

It's the latest thing in the enviro-garbage toxic greenhouse

thing.

Right.

You, out. Chloe, in.

Awful.

Chloe, in.

OK.

Yeah, here we go.

She looks wounded.

I like it.

Ooh, show me rage.

Oh, yeah.

That's it.

More rage.

More like that.

More like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Nice, nice.

Oh, that's nice.

Is she dead?

If she is, these pictures will be worth a fortune.

Chloe?

Chloe?

Am I dead?

Is this Heaven?

Why is everything so wet?

It's April and the kids.

That fish looks like it's having a spaz attack.

Are you serious?

I'm a fish?

I think it's because we're eating its family.

I don't care what Tony says.

This has gone too far.

Well, Tony said to tell you guys it's on the house tonight.

Oh, tell him thank you for us.

I will. Thanks for coming out.

- Sure. - April!

Hey!

Over here!

Mom?

Mm-hmm?

When is Daddy coming home?

Um, Daddy and I are, you know, we're-- we're taking some

time apart so we can figure out what's-- what's best

for all of us.

How is taking time apart best for anyone?

Listen, you guys.

I know that this is very hard for you to understand, OK?

It's very hard for me explain.

Well, haven't you known Daddy your whole life?

What are you waiting for him to do?

Sometimes, you know, your-- your father,

he needs a push in the right direction.

I'm in the room.

Well, what's next?

I push harder.

Remind me never to get married.

OK, you guys, come on.

Let's go.

Everybody.

Hey!

Come back!

Kids?

April, it's me.

April!

It's time I get a little rough with him.

Hmm?

Come on, honey.

Ruby!

Ruby!

I love you, honey.

I promise to try harder and-- hey, what are you doing?

Hello, fishy.

No.

You're so pretty.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That scares me. Stop that.

Ah!

Whoa!

Ah!

Now, what is that?

Wait a minute.

Oh, no.

Come on!

I'm a baby?

What's the matter with her now?

There's nothing the matter with her, Bill.

She's a baby.

Wait a minute.

That's Bill and Maggie.

Why does she keep doing this?

I mean, she starts crying, then she stops crying.

I mean-- -Babies cry.

They're my parents?

This is not good.

It's 2 o'clock in the morning.

I mean, isn't bad enough I gotta work overtime?

Now, she won't even let me sleep.

She's not doing it on purpose.

Guys, really?

You're gonna fight now?

Now, look what you did.

Now, she's crying. -Right.

I-- I'm the one that made her cry.

Come on.

Hello?

This is no way to treat a baby.

Look, babe, I just-- I gotta get back to bed.

- I - got a full diaper,

and I think I might have a rash.

I'm pretty hungry down here.

There we go.

Oh.

Oh, now, you're talking.

That is good stuff right there.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh, I got a little gurgle in my stomach.

OK.

Ahh.

Now, there's a little something to show my appreciation.

Now, was that so hard?

Let this be a lesson.

Babies--

Good night, sweet girl.

are people, too.

They just want a little love.

Wait, baby.

Hush.

Not yet.

1, 2, 3.

Happy birthday!

Now, let's see about that peach pie.

Yeah, yeah.

Come on, Grandma.

Mama?

Come on.

Open up your presents, Mama.

And then we can eat supper.

Read my card, Mama.

My eyes.

I can't-- I can't see.

Muriel, you lose your glasses again?

I guess so.

Here you go, Mama.

Thank you.

"To the best great grandmother anybody could ever have.

Love, Kizzie."

Open up your presents, Mama.

I'm hungry.

Darrell!

What?

No, no.

I-- I shouldn't open these presents.

Uh, um, save those for her-- for me later.

Of course.

You must be tired after working all day.

How old are you now?

Kizzie, a lady never tells her age.

You got that right.

I still don't know how old you are.

How old is Grandma?

Darla, please.

How are things at the plant?

Well, you know. Same thing, different day.

When we lost that contract--

Why didn't you wear that jacket I love?

Girl, it don't even fit anymore.

But you know what? It's getting old anyway.

They haven't won a game in four years.

There's something wrong over there.

Mama, I told Charles whenever you're ready,

come stay with us.

I can't imagine what it must be like living all alone.

A toast.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

Since when has Muriel allowed alcohol in her house?

It's tea, Reverend Green.

It's just tea.

Well, somebody should've told me.

We did.

Mama, I don't know how you did it.

After Daddy died, I was so scared

for you and for all of us.

I remember hating seeing you get up at the crack of dawn

to go clean people's houses, working your fingers

to the bones all them years to-- to keep a roof over our heads

and keep us kids out of trouble.

I felt guilty for all your burdens.

We all did.

But if I heard you say it once, I heard

you say it a million times.

You told us, it's not a burden--

It's a privilege.

--it's a privilege.

And today, Mama, we have the privilege of returning

that love and commitment.

So happy birthday.

We love you.

Good.

Now, let's go eat before she gets any older, huh?

Reverend Green, could you lead us in prayer?

Well, now, I don't often shy away from giving thanks.

But this time, I think it fitting if Muriel led us.

Sure.

Dear Lord, we thank you for this wonderful time

and this beautiful day.

Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity

to share it with this family and for showing me what

it's supposed to look like.

According to your plan.

And Lord, I don't know how much time I have left with them.

But each moment is a blessing.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Now, you can eat.

Look who's talking.

You ate before you came.

Aww.

My little girl looks stressed.

You OK, Dorothy?

Huh?

Tony, where is he?

I've been trying to give this to him for days.

Have you seen him?

That depends.

You know, I-- I really thought that this separation, you know,

would-- would make him come around.

But I don't even think he cares anymore.

No, April, Rich cares.

He just-- he hasn't been himself lately.

OK.

Well, you know what?

You give this to him, OK?

And you tell him our court date is on Friday.

If he has something to say to me,

he can just say it then, hmm?

Oh, Rich.

Where are you, man?

Wake up, Colin!

I don't know why you think you can sleep in all day.

Look at this mess!

Clean up this room before you go out today.

Yes ma'am.

Ma'am?

Are you doing drugs?

Um, I don't think so.

Let's go.

And be more productive today.

You.

You're a jerk.

Hello?

Where are you?

You were supposed to pick me up a half an hour ago.

Briar?

My mom's coming back soon, and now, she's gonna know.

She's-- she's gonna know what?

Stop acting like such a doofball

and just get over here!

I knew you were trouble.

Where are you going?

I'm not sure.

I think I'm supposed to pick up Briar.

Hey, you ever think about the way you raised me?

That, uh, maybe you've been a little too lenient?

When I get back, we should take some time to talk

about proper discipline.

What is this garbage they listen to?

Oh, nice touch.

Very homey.

Michael!

Ruby!

Oh.

Hey, Colin.

Hey!

What's up, brother?

Yeah, um, awkward.

Ruby, give Daddy a big hug.

You're not my daddy.

No, uh, I'm not your daddy.

But how about a daddy-sized hug, right?

Eh?

OK, all right.

Uh, what are you guys doing?

We're playing in our playhouse.

That's not a playhouse.

It's close as we're ever gonna get to one.

What are you doing out here?

Hi, honey.

I missed you so much.

No.

Whoa, whoa!

What are you doing?

I'm telling Mom you hugged a boy.

That's right.

You tell your mother, because that was-- it

was completely inappropriate.

You better keep your mouth shut, you little twerp.

Hey, that's no way to talk to your little brother.

You're not supposed to have boys here when Mom's not home.

He's got a point, you know.

I-- I shouldn't even be here.

You are in big trouble, little lady.

Come on, let's go.

Wait, shouldn't we, uh, you know,

wait for your mother to get home?

My mom?

Man, I sure would like to see her.

OK, if you don't stop acting like such a freak,

I'm gonna scream. -OK, OK.

I'll see you guys later, huh?

Bye.

Bye?

Hey, smile.

Hey, wait up.

What a freak.

You wanna tell me where we're going?

This whole thing was your idea.

Wait, are-- are you backing out now?

You promised me.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Promised you what?

You are just like my dad.

My mom trusted him, and look where it got her.

Wait, wait. Just slow down, OK?

What-- what are you talking about?

Doctor's office, remember?

You're taking me to the doctor's office.

Why, are you sick?

You're really gonna make me say it?

Isn't it enough that I've agreed to do it?

Do what?

Birth control pills!

Of all the-- I can't believe you would--

your mother would faint if she knew-- you'd be

in so much trouble right now!

I can't-- with-- with Colin, of all people!

Colin!

Me!

With-- young lady, you are grounded till the Rapture!

Briar!

Briar!

Briar Emily Chaplin, you get back here right this instant!

Excuse me?

There is no reason for you to be using that tone of voice

with my daughter. -April, I am glad you're here.

We've got major problems.

I would prefer you address me as Mrs. Chaplin, Colin.

If it's not bad enough our kids are playing in a pile of wood,

Briar is about to make a huge mistake with the boy.

What are you talking about?

What boy?

Me!

I mean, not me, but Colin.

You know what?

I think it's time for you to leave.

April, April, listen to me, OK?

Listen to me.

I need you to keep an open mind on this, OK?

I am your husband.

I'm him.

Me.

Rich.

OK, that's not funny, Colin.

No, you-- you have to believe me, April.

I am the father of your children.

OK, you know what?

Don't you ever come here again, OK?

I want you to stay away from Briar

and stay away from my family.

And if you do come around, I'm gonna have you arrested.

April.

Or better yet committed, to an institution.

April.

Hey, all right, all right.

Can I help you, young man?

It's me again.

I liked you better when you were a hot babe.

You have no idea the day that I've had.

See, that's what weird, because I just

spent the whole day with you.

What?

The other you, the real you, trying

to figure this whole thing out.

You mean, I was still walking around?

Yes!

What was I like?

Same old miserable, self-loathing,

suck the energy out of a room guy you always are.

How can you stand to be around me?

Why are you still my friend?

Because you haven't always been like this.

You remember when I went to New York, and I fell on my face

out there trying to make it in the movie business?

All I ever wanted was to direct and write movies,

and it didn't work out.

I was in a bad way.

You-- you drove all the way from the West Coast

to come out there and straighten me out.

You saved my life by introducing me to Jesus.

And I found out that I could actually

have a better life than the life I thought I wanted.

You know, Rich, you may not like yourself very much,

but you've got the ability to make

those people around you like themselves a whole lot more.

That's a gift, man.

I don't know about that.

Why is this happening to me?

Am I being punished?

Well, let's break it down.

Have you learned anything?

Have I learned anything?

You know what I've learned?

My youngest kids think that I'm a loser.

My oldest daughter is about to make the biggest

mistake of her life.

And so, yeah, yeah, I've learned.

I've learned that I am terrible father and a husband.

Yeah, but we already knew that.

I'm saying, have you learned anything different?

When is this gonna end?

Buddy, that's entirely up to you.

Do you feel like you-- you've touched rock bottom?

Do you feel like you're at the end of your rope?

Have you thought about just giving up?

No.

Look, things are gonna get a lot

worse before they get better.

Every hero has to die before he can be born again.

I'm a Christian. I'm already born again.

Eh, I think you were bored again.

What you need right now is a crisis that's gonna change

the way you live your life.

What do you mean?

This may speed things up.

April brought this by before.

She was supposed to give it to you.

I was kinda hoping for the best.

What is it?

I don't know, I didn't read it.

It's divorce papers.

I gotta get out of here.

I gotta go back home and save my marriage.

Stay in the car!

Stay in the car! -April!

Get back here!

April!

April, open the door!

April!

April!

April!

April!

April, it's me.

Go away, Colin.

April!

April, it's me!

All right, boy, come on.

Oh!

Ow!

Well, ma'am, I guess that about wraps up it.

I have no idea what came over him.

He frightens me.

Well, it looks like he's got it bad for your daughter, April.

Actually, I'm April.

Oh.

Well, it's worse than I thought then.

Eh, a night in county oughta smarten him up.

Have a good night.

Thank you.

Funny thing about life.

Just when you think things can't get any worse, they usually do.

Why me, Lord?

Why did you put me in this story if it wasn't

gonna have a happy ending?

Why me, Lord?

Why can't I have a happy ending?

Boo hoo, boo hoo.

Crybaby you.

Boo hoo, boo hoo.

That's a little rude.

Well, you were having a pity party out loud.

So naturally, I assumed everyone was invited.

I thought I was alone.

Oh, I'm all alone.

And nobody cares.

Hoo, I'm all alone.

Hoo, I'm all alone.

You're never alone, son.

You should know that.

I know you.

You're that guy from the TV commercial.

And I know you.

You're the guy who's ready to throw it all away because you

think life's unfair.

If you're so smart, why are you in jail?

Oh, I like jail.

Folks who end up in jail usually spend a lot of time thinking

about the mistakes they made in life, their regrets.

So people who are at the end of their rope

are more likely to buy into your program?

If that's what it takes.

Look, I'm gonna level with you.

This is not me, OK?

I'm not who you think I am.

This-- this is not-- I'm not this person.

I mean, this-- this is not me.

I'm serious.

Why are you doing that?

You couldn't possibly understand how I feel.

Here's what you need to understand.

What you feel is a choice.

Happiness is a decision you make.

Hey, that door is locked.

Of course, it's locked.

This is a jail.

Sleep on it, son.

You're running out of time.

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey!

Hey!

So this is what rock bottom feels like.

Daddy, come back.

It's over.

I'm home.

I'm home.

April?

Daddy?

Ruby?

It's OK, honey.

I'm here.

You were just having a bad dream.

I want Daddy.

But Daddy's right here.

Daddy's not far away, honey.

And he loves you very much.

She's having a bad dream about Daddy again?

She's gonna be fine.

We're all gonna be fine.

Tell me a story.

A story?

What's going on?

We were just about to tell a story.

Come on.

Once upon a time, there was a man with two

sons who lived on a farm.

And one of the sons thought that life on the farm

was too hard of work and too boring.

And so he left in search of something different.

He ran away?

Kinda.

He was jealous of the way that other people lived,

rich people, people who he thought had exciting lives.

While he was away, he-- he kept getting into all kinds

of trouble, because he kept doing things that he knew

were wrong.

Well, one day, the son decided that he

had had enough of this life, and he just wanted to go home.

He felt that life really wasn't worth much without his family

and his farm.

So he went home, and his father was

so excited to see him that he threw him this big party.

Did they have ice cream and a pinata?

Sure, why not?

Well, what does this story mean, Mom?

It means that no matter what you've done, who you've become,

or how far you've strayed, that our heavenly father

and our earthly father will always

welcome us back with open arms.

It's never too late to go home.

It's never too late.

Kids, breakfast.

Have you seen Dad?

Um, yeah, he's around.

Why?

I-- I wanted to talk him about, you know,

what happened last night with Colin and the police and all.

Uh, yeah, I think that's a really good idea.

Hey, would you mind watching Mike and Ruby for me

this afternoon?

I've gotta run out for a while.

20 bucks?

How about 10?

Dad always gives me 20.

Actually, I know for a fact that he doesn't.

Your father and I have a lot more in common than you think.

Dad always burns the pancakes, so I guess

you have that in common, too.

Hmm?

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh.

Who wants to go to Uncle Tony's for breakfast?

- Kids. - Hey, Uncle Tony.

- April, hey. - Hi, Tony.

Kids, how you doing? Hey.

Hey, Uncle Tony.

Good to see you.

Hey.

That's good.

April, I tried to give Rich these papers.

He wouldn't take them.

It's me again.

Rich?

Yeah, yeah.

I woke up last night as April.

Oh, buddy.

You look terrible.

Oh, this-- this is awful.

Actually, it's been pretty great.

I envy my wife's relationship with the kids.

All that's gonna change now.

Well, look, dude.

Whatever you're gonna do, you better do it quick.

You've got court in an hour.

OK, OK.

What comes next?

Well, you have to face your enemy,

and you have to defeat him.

OK.

Who's the enemy?

Who's the enemy?

You.

You've always been your own worst enemy.

All right, listen.

After the kids finish eating, can you take them

back to your place for a while?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

This ends today.

Kids!

You.

We need to talk.

Excuse me.

Who are you?

You Honor, that's a really good question.

Just who are you?

Do you even know anymore?

You're a man of the cloth sitting in a divorce court.

I mean, you don't even believe in divorce.

Oh, you must be the defendant in "Chaplin versus Chaplin."

Oh, wait.

No, you're the one who filed citing

irreconcilable differences.

Oh, we're different all right.

I'm nothing like you.

Not anymore.

Want do you want me to do?

How about wake up?

Well, you sit around complaining that nothing exciting ever

happens in your life.

All the good parts are passing you by.

I get that now.

I realize-- what you need to realize is that it's-- it's not

about being someone else.

It's about being the best you that you can be.

She has a point.

I've tried, and it gets me nowhere.

That's because you always try to do it by yourself.

God wants to help you, Rich.

He wants to help you do stuff.

And if you don't let him, he might very well let you fail.

And trust me, as time goes by, his methods

can get a little extreme.

Are you saying you want to withdraw

your petition for divorce?

I'm saying that happiness is a choice.

It's a conscious decision you have to make.

Choose to step up and lead this family away

from the brink of disaster.

If you need help, just ask for it.

God will help you.

What's it gonna be?

Ma'am?

Ma'am, you cannot just walk out on these proceedings.

Mrs. Chaplin.

Fight for us.

Fight for us, Rich.

Well, we can't have a divorce without a petitioner.

Postponed 30 days.

Next.

I'm so sorry.

It's too late.

Are you saying they're better off without me?

My-- my heart can't bear it.

I just wanna go home, Lord.

I promise you that I will-- I will choose to rejoice.

I will choose to see and appreciate all of the blessings

in my life.

But I can't do it alone, God.

Help me to go home again.

Please.

Help me be me again Help me be me again.

I just want to be me.

How come I'm not in the picture?

Because you haven't wanted to be.

Did you ever

wish you were someone else?

You have no idea.

Give you a new heart and spirit.

God doesn't work this way!

You mean miracles?

Obviously, your prayers were answered.

Have you lost your mind?

Tony?

It's me, Rich.

Yeah.

Tony, look at me.

What do you see?

I see a stark-raving lunatic.

Thank you, Lord!

I'm me again!

It's the most amazing thing.

I mean, I asked God for a miracle,

and he blessed me with this unbelievable experience.

I mean, I spent a week turning into all

these different people, but all I wanted to do

was just to come back home and be me again.

A week?

Dude, I just talk to you a half an hour ago.

You told me to bring a movie over.

It all happened in half an hour?

Well, of course, it did.

He's God, right?

I mean, he could do anything.

Today isn't by any chance Christmas, is it?

Now, you're pushing it.

Yeah.

You're a good friend, Tony.

I'm glad I could help?

There is one more thing I need you to do for me, though.

I need you to go by the restaurant, OK?

There's something I need you to get there.

Hello?

Hello?

Richie?

What is this?

I mean, Rich, I don't-- I don't understand.

What's to understand?

I'm your fella.

We're supposed to drink honeysuckle tea

and live happily ever after.

OK, Rich, listen.

You need to stop, because I--

I've spent the last few years thinking that I missed out

on something, that-- that somehow,

life would've been better if I had chosen the other road.

It took a miracle, April, to show me that there's nobody

that I'd rather be than me.

But not without you.

I was thinking that we were getting in the way of you,

you know, of you flying to the moon.

I'm already there.

April, forgive me.

I can't get those years back.

But I promise you that I will never take you or the kids

for granted again.

I love you.

I love you.

It's a playhouse!

It's totally awesome!

Looks like our date is over.

It's just the beginning.

Daddy's home!

Hey, honey, how are you?

Hi, baby!

I had a dream you would come home.

You did?

Well, I'm home now.

You wanna go in and check it out?

Go on, check it out.

Go look.

It's totally awesome!

I know.

You too, darling.

You know you'd like it.

I, uh, I have to run out for a little while,

take care of some business.

But I-- I just got you back.

I know, but I have to.

I-- I think it's part of the deal.

Will you meet me at Tony's for lunch a little later?

Absolutely.

Go, go.

Hey, Richie.

What?

I'm glad you're home.

Me, too.

Thank you.

- What do you think? - It's awesome.

It is pretty cool.

Can you believe it?

Since when do I have to open my own door, Carl?

It's not like you can't use the exercise, Frank.

You're not Carl.

Who in the blazes are you?

I'm your wake-up call.

Get out of my car.

Obviously, you don't know who I am.

Oh, I know who you are.

You're a ticking bomb.

You drink too much.

You smoke too much.

And you're so cruel and mean to everyone,

your own heart is eating itself from the inside.

What do you want?

Who sent you?

You're gonna die soon, Frank, alone and miserable.

You sound like my cleaning lady,

always talking about my soul.

Always so insufferable.

Sometimes, I wonder if that's why she still works for me.

I know.

Smart lady.

Here.

Give us a chance.

Come by and see me when you're ready to talk.

But act soon.

Believe me when I say that you don't have much time.

Morning.

That's right.

Call your parents, and I'll make sure they

find out about the lovely literature

you keep under your bed.

So I understand you are in love with my daughter.

Sorry.

Yeah, I love her.

What is this all about?

Well, maybe one day you'll get married and have

a daughter of your own. -I guess.

And she'll grow up to pose in one of those magazines.

No way.

The girls in those magazines aren't anyone's daughter.

Let me put it to you this way.

The music you listen to, the magazines you read,

you can't help but look at women as things.

You can't be in love with a thing.

My daughter Briar is not a thing.

It's different for you, all right?

You're-- you're an old guy and a pastor.

I was you once, not that long ago.

My daughter is about to do something foolish to prove

that she loves you.

Prove to her that you love her, and don't ask her to.

Keys are in the sock.

Daddy?

Hmm?

Yes, honey?

I'm sick of eating here.

You know, I think I am, too.

It is so good to see all of you here together again.

Aww.

So, uh, how did it go?

You know, with the old man?

Perfect.

Just one last loose end I need to tie up.

Rich, what are you doing?

You people don't know how to care of your fish here.

Rich, you can't take my fish.

Come on, guys.

You asked to see us, Pastor?

Oh, yeah.

Come on in, guys.

I've been thinking more about what we talked about last week,

and I just wanted to apologize for the way that I treated you.

As I remember, the problem was about money,

the cost of raising a child.

Yeah, that's right.

Kids cost a fortune.

Actually, according to the government,

the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 is $160,140.

When you do the math, it comes out to about $24.20 a day.

A little over a dollar an hour.

You know what?

I think we've heard enough.

Just-- just wait a second.

Let's just see what a-- a dollar will get you.

I mean, the question is whether or not it's worth it, right?

For about a buck an hour, you get

to witness a miracle of modern medicine

every time you heal a scraped knee

with a-- a lollipop and a kiss.

A dollar will earn you glimpses of God

and giggles under the covers at night.

You get to be a hero for taking training wheels off a bike,

getting a Frisbee off the roof, or just pulling out a splinter.

You get Velcro hugs and butterfly kisses.

Is it worth it?

I can't answer that for you.

But here.

You do the math.

Pastor, thank you.

You're welcome.

I'll see you at service.

I once heard that at the end of every good story,

the hero must make a speech to show that he's grown

or learned from his experience.

You know, that's true.

I guess this was mine.

Sometimes, we don't understand the gifts that we receive.

It's so easy to lose sight of why we're here--

that God wants us to live and to be happy,

but according to his plan.

And when you receive such a beautiful gift,

you should in turn pass that gift on to others

so that they might never lose sight of God's plan.

Was it a miracle that happened to me?

Like I said, I'm not sure that any of this really happened

or if it was just a dream.

But maybe the truth is whispered to us through our dreams,

like a message from a friend that arrives

at exactly the right time telling us exactly

the words we need to hear.

It's so easy to get lost chasing a life that we thought

we wanted-- convincing ourselves that power, fame,

or wealth will make us happy-- that we lose sight

of what is truly important.

And all we need is that little push to reveal

what has been missing.

See, it's the love of our family, our friends,

and most importantly, the love of God,

that will bring us happiness.

We just need to take that first step and reach for it.

You see, it's OK to follow a dream,

as long as we don't abandon those who truly love us.

Mom?

It's me, Chloe.

I missed you too, Mom.

So you can spend your time pretending

to be someone you're not.

But it's wasted time, because God is rooting for you.

Life will test your faith.

That's the way it's supposed to be.

We're only human.

And sometimes, we make poor choices.

But God will be there for us, no matter how far we stray.

He wants you to come back to him.

He wants you to come home.

So did you go to the moon yet?

No, I couldn't get my spaceship to fly.

So can we get married now?

What makes you think we're getting married?

An angel promised me we would

What?

I had a dream, and the angel said that we would get married.

And he promised that we would be happy.

But he did say I might have to work with you.

The angel said you might have to work with me?

I think he was an angel.

He said his name was Earl, Big Earl.

Oh, yeah.

April, I tried to give the pa--

Me?

We're-- we're not starting with the fish?

I gotta get dressed, because I gotta go model.

I'm sorry.

--a biorobotic being?

All right, that takes care of science fiction.

Were you ever bitten by a--

Take it back, take it back.

You made me laugh.

Now, I gotta work with the piles.

I suggest you go for it.

Go with it?

No, go for it.

I think it's go with it, isn't it?

--masterpiece.

Pal, the answer to your problems are in here.

Who are you looking at?

I'm looking off into the cosmos from whence I draw my wisdom.

Stop, stop.

Do your line one more time. -1946.

Frank Capra's iconic masterpiece.

"It's a Wonderful Life"?

I want you to live.

I'm sorry.

Why are you laughing?

Because you are.

They can't see you, so I look like the idiot.

Now, what have you done?

He's really funny.

Once upon a time, there's was a plane

that just kept flying over.

It's traumatic.

Haven't you ever wondered if there was something out

there that was better than us?

Better than me-- better than us?

Wait, begin.

"Haven't you ever wondered

if there's more out there?"

I knew it--

And what do I say?

Then you say "More than us?"

More than us.

I knew it, because I repeat whatever he said.

I knew it wasn't "better."

OK.

Haven't you ever wondered if there was

something out there better--

More.

"Haven't you ever wondered if there's more

out there?" "More than us?"

Oh, come on.

Don't be like that.

I could be good in this picture!

I'm Rich, Rich Kaplan.

Chaplin.

Rich Chaplin. -Chaplin.

I'm sorry.

I made him Jewish?

You're right, my bad.

Clearly my bad on that one.

All right, let's go back to one.

Della, I am ashamed I was so bad.

Well, that makes two of us.

Oh, a bagel.

Big Earl here to remind you of a program

guaranteed to wash the old--

Big Earl here with a new program to--

Say something other than "yeah."

That's the joke.

I'm gonna say it throughout the whole movie.

All right, then do it better.

Ready?

Yeah!

There you go.

Well, I guess--

She bit me so hard.

He started cracking up.

She just bit me so hard.

I was like--