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1
00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:04,179
Merry Christmas,
gentlemen.
2
00:00:04,220 --> 00:00:07,246
So, Hank, what's
with the black suit?
3
00:00:07,290 --> 00:00:08,279
Someone die?
4
00:00:08,324 --> 00:00:09,985
(chuckles)
5
00:00:10,026 --> 00:00:13,120
Oh, right,
someone did die.
6
00:00:13,163 --> 00:00:17,429
Your, uh, Mom's best friend
as I recall.
7
00:00:19,069 --> 00:00:20,434
Well, this is awkward.
8
00:00:22,972 --> 00:00:24,769
Merry Christmas?
9
00:00:27,177 --> 00:00:33,977
Ripped By mstoll
10
00:01:01,911 --> 00:01:04,379
That was Lottie
Bonner's lawyer.
11
00:01:04,414 --> 00:01:07,474
Lottie left me all her
lovely antique furniture.
12
00:01:07,517 --> 00:01:08,609
I'm so touched.
13
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:11,347
I don't know whether
to laugh or cry.
14
00:01:11,387 --> 00:01:15,118
Uh, so your best bet
is, you know, neither.
15
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,251
Oh, of course,
I'll never be able
16
00:01:17,293 --> 00:01:19,420
to get it back
to Arizona.
17
00:01:19,462 --> 00:01:20,724
Well, heck, Mom,
18
00:01:20,764 --> 00:01:23,289
I can move that stuff
out to Arizona for you easy.
19
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,425
Oh, but...
20
00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:26,867
I will be at your door
by Christmas Eve.
21
00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:29,337
Heck, all I have to do
is rent a moving van.
22
00:01:29,372 --> 00:01:33,240
Oh, Hank, are you sure
a van is big enough?
23
00:01:57,133 --> 00:01:58,691
That is a big van.
24
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,979
I'm going to name her
Wondertruck.
25
00:02:11,281 --> 00:02:14,045
Hank, we want to ask
you one question.
26
00:02:14,083 --> 00:02:16,677
You can't come with me
on the trip.
27
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:18,243
I have a follow-up
question.
28
00:02:18,288 --> 00:02:19,312
(all pleading)
29
00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:21,152
Please let us
come on Wondertruck!
30
00:02:21,191 --> 00:02:24,752
The next one who asks to come
won't even get to look at it.
31
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:27,821
Okay, then.
32
00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:35,663
I know it's more cargo
space than I need,
33
00:02:35,705 --> 00:02:37,332
but, uh, well,
there's a sleeper cab
34
00:02:37,373 --> 00:02:38,863
so I'll save on motels
35
00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,307
and, you know, uh...
36
00:02:40,343 --> 00:02:42,106
(clears throat)
37
00:02:42,145 --> 00:02:44,705
Hank, you don't have
to explain to us.
38
00:02:46,382 --> 00:02:48,577
Wow...
39
00:02:52,455 --> 00:02:54,650
Look at all this
cool stuff!
40
00:02:54,691 --> 00:02:56,522
This isn't a toy, Bobby.
41
00:02:56,559 --> 00:02:58,891
To a trucker, these are tools.
42
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,021
See, truckers
are the last cowboys.
43
00:03:01,064 --> 00:03:03,965
They're their own bosses
making tough decisions,
44
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,195
winning or losing
by the calls they make,
45
00:03:06,236 --> 00:03:08,727
answering only to the road.
46
00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:09,897
Sounds hard.
47
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:10,928
It is.
48
00:03:10,974 --> 00:03:12,202
Now, how would you like
49
00:03:12,242 --> 00:03:14,210
to make this trip
with your old man?
50
00:03:14,244 --> 00:03:16,235
Heck, yeah!
51
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:19,942
Dad, can I have permission
to say "Hell, yeah"?
52
00:03:19,983 --> 00:03:21,575
Just a moment.
53
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:28,086
DALE:
It's such a fine night
54
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:31,389
to, uh, look
at the, uh, moon.
55
00:03:31,427 --> 00:03:34,396
BILL: Look how big and powerful
the moon looks
56
00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:35,556
in the moonlight.
57
00:03:35,598 --> 00:03:37,566
Ready for its trip
to Arizona.
58
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,864
It's just not fair!
59
00:03:39,903 --> 00:03:41,370
The moon, I mean.
60
00:03:41,404 --> 00:03:42,428
(sighs)
61
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:43,439
Oh...
62
00:03:46,609 --> 00:03:49,237
This is a dream come true.
63
00:03:49,279 --> 00:03:51,338
A trucker and his boy
alone with their rig
64
00:03:51,381 --> 00:03:53,076
on the open road.
65
00:03:53,116 --> 00:03:54,344
But don't worry, Peggy.
66
00:03:54,384 --> 00:03:55,908
We'll do a quick turnaround
and be back home
67
00:03:55,952 --> 00:03:57,476
by Christmas morning sharp.
68
00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:01,456
A trucker and his boy.
69
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:05,086
And they've promised their mom
to be home by Christmas.
70
00:04:05,128 --> 00:04:08,928
Hank, this is one
of those novelty Christmas songs
71
00:04:08,965 --> 00:04:11,525
that always sells a million
freaking copies!
72
00:04:11,567 --> 00:04:14,331
I have always wanted
to get in on that racket!
73
00:04:14,370 --> 00:04:16,099
Okay, let's roll.
74
00:04:16,139 --> 00:04:17,299
Well, all right.
75
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,399
Okay, Bobby, we got
to stay on time,
76
00:04:19,442 --> 00:04:21,307
so drink up
and let's hit the road.
77
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:23,835
Coffee? For me?
78
00:04:25,581 --> 00:04:27,446
Mmm...
79
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:33,553
I don't think I can ever
go back to cocoa!
80
00:04:33,589 --> 00:04:36,217
See, trucking is like
a lot of things in life.
81
00:04:36,259 --> 00:04:37,988
Know your rig inside out.
82
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,495
Take care of your rig
and she'll take care of you.
83
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,966
Dad, you know everything.
84
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,901
Well, I do have
a Class "C" license.
85
00:04:47,937 --> 00:04:49,905
(Bill laughs)
86
00:04:49,939 --> 00:04:51,634
♪♪ We're stowing away ♪♪
87
00:04:51,674 --> 00:04:54,040
♪♪ We're stowing away. ♪♪
88
00:04:54,077 --> 00:04:55,510
(giggles)
89
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,105
We're so bad.
90
00:04:58,147 --> 00:04:59,876
Ooh-ee, man!
Look at that, man!
91
00:04:59,916 --> 00:05:02,077
Just like a God dang ol'
Ben Hur, man.
92
00:05:06,689 --> 00:05:08,884
Boy, look at that view.
93
00:05:08,925 --> 00:05:12,190
This is probably how it looked
to the very first truckers.
94
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:15,095
Now, the trick
to heading up a steep grade
95
00:05:15,131 --> 00:05:16,928
is to shift gears
carefully.
96
00:05:16,966 --> 00:05:18,524
And why is that?
97
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,468
BOBBY: "A trucker always
protects his cargo."
98
00:05:22,605 --> 00:05:24,368
My dearest Nancy,
99
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:28,070
I have many questions
about the outside world.
100
00:05:28,111 --> 00:05:30,579
Is our government still intact?
101
00:05:30,613 --> 00:05:32,638
And what of young Joseph?
102
00:05:36,219 --> 00:05:38,585
Gentlemen, to your racers.
103
00:05:44,494 --> 00:05:45,461
Whoo-hoo!
Yay!
104
00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:46,462
He wins!
105
00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:47,463
Oh, no!
106
00:05:49,665 --> 00:05:52,691
♪♪ Hank and Bobby
in a Christmas truck... ♪♪
107
00:05:52,735 --> 00:05:54,066
Oh, dang it!
108
00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:56,503
There's just no good words
that rhyme with truck.
109
00:05:56,539 --> 00:06:02,273
Aunt Peggy, could
they be delivering a-a snowman?
110
00:06:02,311 --> 00:06:05,303
I bet there's lots of words
that rhyme with snowman.
111
00:06:05,348 --> 00:06:06,679
Of course.
112
00:06:06,716 --> 00:06:10,345
Who needs a snowman
more than a widow in Arizona?
113
00:06:10,386 --> 00:06:12,911
Our song will be about
Hank and Bobby
114
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:18,222
delivering a snowman
to a woman with no man.
115
00:06:18,261 --> 00:06:19,228
(both laugh)
116
00:06:19,262 --> 00:06:22,163
I'm a songwriter!
117
00:06:24,901 --> 00:06:27,836
BOBBY: The second-largestthermometer in the U. S.
118
00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:29,303
Do we have time
to stop?
119
00:06:29,338 --> 00:06:31,670
Well, we have to be home
by Christmas,
120
00:06:31,707 --> 00:06:34,267
so we can stop
or we can go to a truckstop
121
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,175
and chow down like
real truckers.
122
00:06:36,212 --> 00:06:38,806
Chow down
like real truckers!
123
00:06:38,848 --> 00:06:40,179
Well, all right, then.
124
00:06:40,216 --> 00:06:42,878
Eh, you can see the thermometer
from here anyway.
125
00:06:42,919 --> 00:06:46,355
"105 degrees." Wow.
126
00:06:49,892 --> 00:06:53,919
DALE:
Hank, for God's sakes,
let us out!
127
00:06:53,963 --> 00:06:56,329
It's so hot!
128
00:06:56,365 --> 00:07:00,893
No, Hank hears us,
but he's choosing to punish us.
129
00:07:00,937 --> 00:07:01,904
Rightly so.
130
00:07:01,938 --> 00:07:02,905
What's the use?
131
00:07:02,939 --> 00:07:04,566
At the rate I'm smoking,
132
00:07:04,607 --> 00:07:08,065
we only have about 30 minutes
of oxygen left anyway.
133
00:07:08,111 --> 00:07:11,603
Oh, man, dang ol'...
Dang, dang, dang, man!
134
00:07:11,647 --> 00:07:13,205
I need a dang ol' water, man.
135
00:07:13,249 --> 00:07:14,580
We brought food.
136
00:07:14,617 --> 00:07:17,882
Maybe we can
squeeze moisture
out of it.
137
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:18,887
Let's see.
138
00:07:18,921 --> 00:07:21,446
Chips, barbecue chips,
139
00:07:21,491 --> 00:07:24,358
vinegar flavor,
hot and spicy.
140
00:07:24,393 --> 00:07:27,089
Saltines! No!!
141
00:07:27,130 --> 00:07:28,597
(sobbing)
142
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:37,866
Wow!
143
00:07:37,907 --> 00:07:39,932
I didn't want
to describe it to you,
144
00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:42,774
because, well,
how could I?
145
00:07:42,812 --> 00:07:45,576
See, for truckers,
time is money.
146
00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:48,846
We can't spend time waiting
in a line with the civilians.
147
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,284
We keep to a schedule.
148
00:07:56,359 --> 00:07:59,226
Yup, I just rode in from Arlen, Texas,
on a straight shot.
149
00:07:59,262 --> 00:08:00,194
How about you?
150
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,787
Well, I guess I'm coming in
151
00:08:01,831 --> 00:08:04,197
straight from,
oh, Eastern Long Island.
152
00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,895
Guess this 'd be my first meal
in 40 hours or so.
153
00:08:06,936 --> 00:08:08,631
Yep, I hear that.
154
00:08:08,671 --> 00:08:09,695
Okay.
155
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,502
So what're you boys
hauling, anyway?
156
00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:13,736
A sofa for my Grandma!
157
00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:15,801
(snickering)
158
00:08:15,845 --> 00:08:18,075
Sir, this section
is for truckers only.
159
00:08:18,114 --> 00:08:21,242
Buffs like you, takin' up space,
costs real truckers money.
160
00:08:21,284 --> 00:08:22,615
Go on.
161
00:08:22,652 --> 00:08:26,281
But, Dad, I thought you
said we were truckers.
162
00:08:26,322 --> 00:08:27,482
We are.
163
00:08:27,523 --> 00:08:29,184
I don't mean to spoil
your fun, sir,
164
00:08:29,225 --> 00:08:30,453
but you're not a trucker.
165
00:08:30,493 --> 00:08:32,120
You're just a guy
with a truck.
166
00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:33,423
You think I'm not a trucker?
167
00:08:33,462 --> 00:08:35,760
Well, I drove through El Paso
in rush hour
168
00:08:35,798 --> 00:08:37,595
and didn't grind a gear.
169
00:08:37,633 --> 00:08:39,032
Look at my rig...
170
00:08:39,068 --> 00:08:41,730
perfectly maintained
from the back bumper to the grille.
171
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:43,363
(gunshots)
172
00:08:55,251 --> 00:08:57,242
Oh, hey, Hank.
173
00:09:00,356 --> 00:09:03,814
We're not gonna drink Bill
after all, okay?
174
00:09:03,859 --> 00:09:05,588
Waiter, table for five.
175
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:06,993
MAN:
Nice rig, buddy!
176
00:09:07,029 --> 00:09:08,462
Look out, hot load!
177
00:09:08,497 --> 00:09:10,556
MAN: Hey, hauling
fruit, are you?
178
00:09:16,105 --> 00:09:17,868
BILL:
We're sorry, Hank.
179
00:09:17,907 --> 00:09:19,499
We'll sit quietly back here,
180
00:09:19,542 --> 00:09:21,976
if you give us
a water-dish to drink from.
181
00:09:22,011 --> 00:09:24,479
We'll be as quiet as truck-mice.
182
00:09:24,513 --> 00:09:25,912
Get in the cab.
183
00:09:25,948 --> 00:09:28,280
Fixing this hole you made
has put me off schedule.
184
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:31,184
So, I'll skip my bunk time
and drive all night.
185
00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:32,778
Now get moving.
186
00:09:34,023 --> 00:09:37,515
This is the saga
our song will tell:
187
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,528
Hank and Bobby find a snowman
188
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,154
hitch-hiking through Arizona.
189
00:09:41,197 --> 00:09:42,687
He will melt to death
190
00:09:42,732 --> 00:09:45,292
unless he gets hometo the North Pole by Christmas.
191
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,393
Hank and Bobby take him home.
192
00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:49,631
The snowman's familyis so grateful,
193
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:53,039
they invite him to theirChristmas Snowman dinner.
194
00:09:53,075 --> 00:09:54,667
You got it?
195
00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:56,234
Oh, no.
196
00:09:56,279 --> 00:09:58,907
BOBBY:
It's okay to take a nap, Dad.
197
00:09:58,948 --> 00:10:01,610
If we're half a day late,
Grandma won't mind.
198
00:10:01,651 --> 00:10:02,948
Well, I will.
199
00:10:02,985 --> 00:10:05,044
We've got a promise
to your mother to keep.
200
00:10:05,087 --> 00:10:07,351
We are getting back home
by Christmas morning.
201
00:10:07,390 --> 00:10:08,482
Duck...
202
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:09,752
Duck...
203
00:10:09,792 --> 00:10:11,089
Goose!
204
00:10:11,127 --> 00:10:12,094
What?
205
00:10:12,128 --> 00:10:13,390
I'll get him, Hank.
206
00:10:13,429 --> 00:10:14,691
(screaming)
207
00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:15,822
Dang it!
208
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:16,695
Shush it!
209
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,874
PEGGYAND LUANNE:
♪♪ And that's how the Christmas ♪♪
210
00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:35,180
♪♪ snowman got back home! ♪♪
211
00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:38,678
You don't like it.
212
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,245
Oh, it's not that, sugs.
213
00:10:40,289 --> 00:10:42,553
It's just that I've got a lot
of other things on my mind.
214
00:10:42,591 --> 00:10:45,754
Like, I don't know
where my husband is.
215
00:10:45,795 --> 00:10:47,126
Oh, I'm sure Dale is fine.
216
00:10:47,163 --> 00:10:48,755
Now, how can we fix
the song?
217
00:10:48,798 --> 00:10:50,959
We tried your way,
Aunt Peggy.
218
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,695
Now we should
do it my way!
219
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,396
We have differences.
220
00:10:54,437 --> 00:10:57,531
Like when Simon
versus the Garfunkel.
221
00:10:57,573 --> 00:11:00,599
Look how straight the lines
on the highway are.
222
00:11:00,643 --> 00:11:04,238
It'd be easy
to get highway hypnosis.
223
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:09,217
Bill... you are
getting sleepy...
224
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:10,912
It's working.
225
00:11:10,953 --> 00:11:13,820
I'm so sleepy.
226
00:11:13,856 --> 00:11:16,324
M-M-Make him think
he's a dang ol' chicken, man.
227
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:18,849
Hey, Dad!
Ahh...
228
00:11:18,894 --> 00:11:19,861
Look!
229
00:11:19,895 --> 00:11:21,157
L-l-I was awake! What?!
230
00:11:21,197 --> 00:11:22,528
Look at the sign!
231
00:11:22,565 --> 00:11:24,192
"Truck stop 4 Miles."
232
00:11:24,233 --> 00:11:25,996
We can get you some coffee.
233
00:11:28,804 --> 00:11:30,738
Bobby, it would take
too long to tie 'em up
234
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,707
so I'm going to need you
to get the coffee.
235
00:11:32,742 --> 00:11:34,266
Which line? Trucker or...
236
00:11:34,310 --> 00:11:35,140
Trucker.
237
00:11:36,545 --> 00:11:38,672
Dad, they wouldn't let me
on the trucker line
238
00:11:38,714 --> 00:11:40,011
for moral reasons, but...
239
00:11:40,049 --> 00:11:41,243
(snoring)
240
00:11:42,685 --> 00:11:45,449
Guess playing trucker
takes a lot out of you.
241
00:11:45,488 --> 00:11:47,979
Least now he can tell
all the other accountants
242
00:11:48,023 --> 00:11:50,287
he slept
at a real truck stop.
243
00:11:50,326 --> 00:11:52,317
(laughter)
244
00:11:55,398 --> 00:11:56,524
BOBBY:
Okay.
245
00:11:56,565 --> 00:11:58,032
Let's get a move out.
246
00:11:58,067 --> 00:12:00,058
Now, if make up
for the lost time
247
00:12:00,102 --> 00:12:03,469
while my Dad's asleep,
he'll wake up ahead of schedule.
248
00:12:03,506 --> 00:12:05,167
Mr. Boomhauer, are you sure
249
00:12:05,207 --> 00:12:07,334
you're able
to handle this vehicle?
250
00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:09,310
Dang ol' piece of cake, man.
251
00:12:09,345 --> 00:12:11,813
Just like riding a dang ol'
riding mower or forklift.
252
00:12:11,847 --> 00:12:13,314
You know, just like
a dang ol' lion
253
00:12:13,349 --> 00:12:14,543
the same as kit-y-cat, man.
254
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,654
DALE:
14-foot clearance.
255
00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:24,215
Ha! How tall
is the truck?
256
00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:25,420
Probably...
257
00:12:25,461 --> 00:12:26,485
I don't know. Bobby?
258
00:12:26,529 --> 00:12:28,190
I don't know!
259
00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:29,219
It's awfully big.
260
00:12:29,265 --> 00:12:30,732
I'd say 30 feet tall, at least.
261
00:12:32,902 --> 00:12:34,665
Boomhauer,
get off now!
262
00:12:34,703 --> 00:12:36,227
There's an exit!
Get off now!
263
00:12:38,874 --> 00:12:40,705
DALE:
This is the wrong way!
264
00:12:40,743 --> 00:12:42,335
Turn around!
265
00:12:42,378 --> 00:12:44,243
Hey, do you see the dang ol' size
of this thing, man?
266
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,147
Dang ol' don't talk
about "turn around" man.
267
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,014
Ooh, there's another exit.
Take it!
268
00:12:59,061 --> 00:13:01,291
Well, this feels good,
doesn't it?
269
00:13:13,008 --> 00:13:15,169
Well, Mom, that's
the last of it.
270
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:19,671
Hank, this is the best
Christmas ever. Ready?
271
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:22,513
♪♪ Oh, say can you see ♪♪
272
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,951
♪♪ By the dawn's early light ♪♪
273
00:13:24,987 --> 00:13:31,017
♪♪ Dawn's early light,
dawn's early light... ♪♪
274
00:13:36,932 --> 00:13:39,492
What the? Where?
275
00:13:39,535 --> 00:13:42,561
Hank, we're having trouble
with the engine.
276
00:13:42,605 --> 00:13:44,004
And the clutch.
277
00:13:44,039 --> 00:13:48,100
Oh, and we're on top
of a mountain.
278
00:13:48,143 --> 00:13:50,907
I think it might be
a Rocky Mountain.
279
00:13:50,946 --> 00:13:54,313
(scream echoing)
280
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,283
What the hell happened?
281
00:14:01,323 --> 00:14:04,451
Let's just say
mistakes were made.
282
00:14:04,493 --> 00:14:08,088
Then other larger mistakes.
283
00:14:08,130 --> 00:14:09,757
We're not proud
of ourselves.
284
00:14:09,798 --> 00:14:11,197
I'm sorry, Dad.
285
00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:12,996
We thought if we kept driving,
286
00:14:13,035 --> 00:14:15,663
we could help you make
your delivery on time.
287
00:14:15,704 --> 00:14:18,002
We didn't even stop
for a potty break.
288
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,871
I had to use your coffee mug.
289
00:14:19,909 --> 00:14:23,401
Dale, get behind
the Line of Shame.
290
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:24,434
Not you, Bobby.
291
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,641
I know you were trying to help.
292
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,209
Hank, we're cold.
293
00:14:29,251 --> 00:14:30,980
Can we put our hands down?
294
00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:33,045
No. Okay, we're out of fuel.
295
00:14:33,088 --> 00:14:35,056
That part I can understand.
296
00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:37,558
But how did you let
the battery go dead?
297
00:14:37,593 --> 00:14:41,120
It was dark and the headlights
made us feel so safe.
298
00:14:41,163 --> 00:14:44,132
Breaker 10-33, this is Top Hat.
299
00:14:44,166 --> 00:14:45,633
Requesting emergency...
300
00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:46,828
No, Bobby.
301
00:14:46,869 --> 00:14:48,666
I don't want to bother
real truckers
302
00:14:48,704 --> 00:14:50,865
with the problems
of a guy who fell asleep
303
00:14:50,906 --> 00:14:53,636
and let his rig wind up
on top of a mountain.
304
00:14:53,676 --> 00:14:54,904
What are you doing, Dad?
305
00:14:54,944 --> 00:14:55,968
(sighs)
306
00:14:56,011 --> 00:14:57,478
I'm going to call
Triple "A"
307
00:14:57,513 --> 00:14:59,481
and probably hire
some movers, too.
308
00:14:59,515 --> 00:15:02,143
It's time to let
the professionals handle this.
309
00:15:02,184 --> 00:15:03,776
No! Sure we're in a hole,
310
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,617
but real truckers
are in a hole all the time
311
00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,145
and they don't give up.
312
00:15:08,190 --> 00:15:10,488
They figure out
a way to get through.
313
00:15:10,526 --> 00:15:14,656
You're not just
a guy with a truck, Dad.
314
00:15:17,633 --> 00:15:21,592
Okay, everybody, let's check out
our rig and see what we've got.
315
00:15:21,637 --> 00:15:22,626
(cheering)
316
00:15:25,541 --> 00:15:27,509
Uh, line suspended.
317
00:15:29,111 --> 00:15:33,445
...and a Charlie Chaplin ceramic
lamp and these opera glasses.
318
00:15:33,482 --> 00:15:35,712
That's what we have
to work with.
319
00:15:35,751 --> 00:15:38,413
Hank, which would you rather
burn for warmth,
320
00:15:38,454 --> 00:15:39,887
the dining set
321
00:15:39,922 --> 00:15:42,288
or the frames of these
tasteful landscape paintings?
322
00:15:42,324 --> 00:15:45,885
Neither. I am getting
this load to my mom intact.
323
00:15:45,928 --> 00:15:48,089
Hey, man, got them
dang ol' antique lamps, man.
324
00:15:48,130 --> 00:15:50,792
Talk about a little kerosene
left inside, man, you know?
325
00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:53,063
Probably stay warm dang ol'
five minutes or so.
326
00:15:53,102 --> 00:15:54,467
Talking about...
327
00:15:54,503 --> 00:15:55,527
(hums I Dream
Of Jeanie theme)
328
00:15:55,571 --> 00:15:56,595
Good idea, Boomhauer.
329
00:15:56,639 --> 00:15:58,004
There might be
some kerosene
330
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,407
still left in those lamps
to keep us warm if...
331
00:16:01,443 --> 00:16:02,535
No, wait a minute.
332
00:16:02,578 --> 00:16:04,045
Bobby, hand me
those opera glasses.
333
00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:13,518
Perfect.
334
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,682
Now, if we can get the truck
rolling downhill,
335
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:18,056
the motion will recharge
the battery.
336
00:16:18,093 --> 00:16:20,357
And kerosene is close enough
to diesel fuel
337
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,420
so we can burn it.
338
00:16:21,463 --> 00:16:22,589
I'll pop the clutch,
339
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:24,258
and we can turn around
in that meadow.
340
00:16:24,299 --> 00:16:26,733
I understood something
about burning fuel.
341
00:16:26,769 --> 00:16:28,168
Are we going
to be warm?
342
00:16:28,203 --> 00:16:30,364
You two are going to get warm
working up a sweat
343
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,000
digging out
these tires. Here.
344
00:16:33,042 --> 00:16:35,510
Bobby, I need your
help over here.
345
00:16:35,544 --> 00:16:38,945
And Dale, you're, uh, at large.
346
00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:40,380
Yes, sir!
347
00:16:53,962 --> 00:16:57,159
Now, I won't be able to see
from the back to steer,
348
00:16:57,199 --> 00:16:58,666
so you fellows will have
to guide me.
349
00:16:58,701 --> 00:17:00,259
Boomhauer, use the CB.
350
00:17:00,302 --> 00:17:03,032
It's going to be a bumpy ride,
so hang on.
351
00:17:03,072 --> 00:17:05,472
Hank, what keeps the furniture
from sliding out the door?
352
00:17:05,507 --> 00:17:08,772
Well, all our straps and chains
are on the road for traction.
353
00:17:08,811 --> 00:17:10,540
So, you do, Bill.
354
00:17:10,579 --> 00:17:12,103
Good luck.
355
00:17:17,653 --> 00:17:19,917
Okay, man, Hank, you got, like,
dang ol' little ol' curve
356
00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:21,354
coming up on the left.
357
00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:23,358
Talking about
15 or 20 degrees.
358
00:17:23,392 --> 00:17:25,189
Now swing it a little
to the right now.
359
00:17:25,227 --> 00:17:26,990
Okay, now ease on
to about 3:00, man.
360
00:17:27,029 --> 00:17:27,996
A little bump.
361
00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,088
You feel that, man?
362
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,462
Okay, now, now,
come on straight.
363
00:17:30,499 --> 00:17:32,057
Hold steady, man.
Hold steady, man.
364
00:17:32,101 --> 00:17:33,898
Talking about right.
Now cut right.
365
00:17:33,936 --> 00:17:35,767
Dang ol' good job, man.
366
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,465
Talk about just a little
ol' straightaway
367
00:17:37,506 --> 00:17:38,996
about 20, 30 yards now.
368
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:41,566
Get a little meadow coming up
on the dang ol' left, man.
369
00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:42,838
Get ready, get ready now.
370
00:17:42,878 --> 00:17:43,845
Okay, now cut, man.
371
00:17:43,879 --> 00:17:44,903
Cut, cut.
372
00:17:44,947 --> 00:17:46,847
Give it all you got, man!
373
00:17:46,882 --> 00:17:49,851
Okay, now, Hank, hang in there,
man. Quick left, quick left!
374
00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:51,614
Left, left, man!
375
00:17:52,888 --> 00:17:54,253
BILL:
It's working!
376
00:17:54,289 --> 00:17:56,553
It's working! It's...
377
00:17:56,592 --> 00:17:59,527
(gasping)
378
00:17:59,561 --> 00:18:01,358
(grunting)
379
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:05,265
HANK:
We only get one shot, son.
380
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:06,289
Pull!
381
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:07,700
(grunting)
382
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:12,904
(engine starts)
383
00:18:15,477 --> 00:18:16,671
Yes! Yeah!
384
00:18:19,047 --> 00:18:21,743
LUANNE:
♪♪ Then the snowman thanked
Bobby and Uncle Hank ♪♪
385
00:18:21,784 --> 00:18:25,083
♪♪ for taking him to Arizona ♪♪
386
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:28,988
♪♪ 'Cause he wanted to see
his friend, the cripple boy ♪♪
387
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:35,793
♪♪ Just one more time
before he melted. ♪♪
388
00:18:35,831 --> 00:18:37,492
The end.
389
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,899
That's my Christmas
trucking song.
390
00:18:39,935 --> 00:18:40,959
Do you like it?
391
00:18:41,003 --> 00:18:42,527
Sug, it's great,
392
00:18:42,571 --> 00:18:44,698
but right now I'm busy
393
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:48,369
filing a Missing Persons
report, okay?
394
00:18:48,410 --> 00:18:49,934
Can you see now, Hank?
395
00:18:49,978 --> 00:18:51,036
Ow!
396
00:18:51,079 --> 00:18:52,808
Can you? Ow!
397
00:18:52,848 --> 00:18:54,110
How about now! Ow!
398
00:18:54,149 --> 00:18:56,242
BILLAND DALE:
Ow! Ow!
399
00:19:01,089 --> 00:19:05,321
There I am, 1,500 pounds
over my weight limit,
400
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:08,420
so I say to the trooper,
(belches).
401
00:19:08,463 --> 00:19:09,521
Weigh me now.
402
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:11,362
(laughter)
403
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,231
Kitchen stopped making
breakfast half an hour ago.
404
00:19:16,271 --> 00:19:17,795
So, what can
I bring you boys?
405
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,570
Oh, man, dang ol' black coffee,
man, and a little water, too.
406
00:19:20,609 --> 00:19:22,099
Where's the dang ol'
restroom at?
407
00:19:22,144 --> 00:19:24,612
Whoa. Slow it down,
sweetheart.
408
00:19:24,646 --> 00:19:28,082
Okay, man, dang ol'...
black... coffee.
409
00:19:28,116 --> 00:19:29,743
BOOMHAUER:
Dang ol' water.
410
00:19:29,785 --> 00:19:31,946
Whoa, I know that voice.
411
00:19:31,987 --> 00:19:34,285
Hey, one of you boys named Hank?
412
00:19:34,323 --> 00:19:36,791
Uh, we'rejust going
to have our coffee and go.
413
00:19:36,825 --> 00:19:38,122
We don't need any trouble.
414
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,092
I bet you don't.
415
00:19:39,127 --> 00:19:40,424
You had enough trouble
416
00:19:40,462 --> 00:19:42,794
getting down that mountain
this morning.
417
00:19:42,831 --> 00:19:45,356
Man, we been listening
on CB to you guys
418
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,368
coming downhill on 41.
419
00:19:47,402 --> 00:19:48,892
Glad y'all ain't dead.
420
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:51,098
MAN:
Whatthe hell you boys
sitting over there for?
421
00:19:51,139 --> 00:19:52,572
Come on over here.
422
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:58,939
Well, all right,
huh, Bobby?
423
00:19:58,981 --> 00:20:00,642
Yeah, all right.
424
00:20:00,682 --> 00:20:03,276
Getting downhill
like that took some doing.
425
00:20:03,318 --> 00:20:06,287
What were you gulping on,
reds, bennies, apple wackies?
426
00:20:06,321 --> 00:20:09,381
I don't go in
for the fancy, flavored coffees.
427
00:20:09,424 --> 00:20:10,982
Just regular old joe.
428
00:20:11,026 --> 00:20:13,051
Man, you are old school.
429
00:20:13,095 --> 00:20:14,460
Hey, little friend,
430
00:20:14,496 --> 00:20:16,191
how about taking a seat
431
00:20:16,231 --> 00:20:18,597
and telling me about
that run on that hill?
432
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,603
Sir, much as I would love
to get into it,
433
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,070
we'd better get rolling.
434
00:20:23,105 --> 00:20:26,006
We got to finish our haul
and get home by Christmas.
435
00:20:26,041 --> 00:20:27,338
Good man.
436
00:20:27,376 --> 00:20:29,139
But you won't get far
without your mirrors.
437
00:20:29,177 --> 00:20:30,906
Or your headlights.
438
00:20:30,946 --> 00:20:32,607
Yep, suppose that's true.
439
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:33,876
On the other hand,
440
00:20:33,916 --> 00:20:35,543
if I rode ahead of you,
you wouldn't need them.
441
00:20:35,584 --> 00:20:37,074
And if I get your back,
442
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:39,349
I can handle your
rearview for you.
443
00:20:39,388 --> 00:20:42,084
You mean like a...
a convoy?
444
00:20:42,124 --> 00:20:43,523
Damn straight.
445
00:20:43,558 --> 00:20:44,582
(chuckles)
446
00:20:44,626 --> 00:20:47,891
(mid-tempo country intro)
447
00:20:47,930 --> 00:20:50,524
♪♪ Hank Hill was a trucker
and he drove with pride ♪♪
448
00:20:50,565 --> 00:20:52,999
♪♪ His seat belt buckled
and his boy by his side ♪♪
449
00:20:53,035 --> 00:20:58,029
♪♪ He hit the road with a promise
and a fresh load ♪♪
450
00:20:58,073 --> 00:21:00,541
♪♪ They took a wrong turn
while trying to get back ♪♪
451
00:21:00,575 --> 00:21:03,806
♪♪ And wound up stranded
in a mountain gap ♪♪
452
00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:07,474
♪♪ Had a diesel
in the freezing cold ♪♪
453
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:10,314
♪♪ That old Hank Hill convoy's
rolling ♪♪
454
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,877
♪♪ And the antique load
we're hauling ♪♪
455
00:21:12,921 --> 00:21:17,881
♪♪ It's destination Mama's
down the line ♪♪
456
00:21:17,926 --> 00:21:20,360
♪♪ We was down at the Eat 'Em Up,
the boys and me ♪♪
457
00:21:20,395 --> 00:21:22,795
♪♪ Drinking straight black joe
when the old CB ♪♪
458
00:21:22,831 --> 00:21:26,426
♪♪ Got to picking up something
sounded downright weird ♪♪
459
00:21:26,468 --> 00:21:28,197
♪♪ It said... ♪♪
460
00:21:28,236 --> 00:21:30,227
DALE:
♪♪ Dang ol' Hank, man,
talking about hold on tight♪♪
461
00:21:30,272 --> 00:21:32,103
♪♪ Talking about making
a little ol' left, man ♪♪
462
00:21:32,140 --> 00:21:33,471
♪♪ Now, Hank, swing right ♪♪
463
00:21:33,508 --> 00:21:35,100
♪♪ Yeah, I tell you,
had those truckers ♪♪
464
00:21:35,143 --> 00:21:37,703
♪♪ Pretty dang scared ♪♪
465
00:21:37,746 --> 00:21:40,374
♪♪ Then Hank pulled up,
feeling none too big ♪♪
466
00:21:40,415 --> 00:21:42,815
♪♪ We couldn't believe
how he handled that rig ♪♪
467
00:21:42,851 --> 00:21:47,288
♪♪ So I said, "Hell, we'll
help you out, my man" ♪♪
468
00:21:47,322 --> 00:21:49,950
♪♪ I'll call Gravel Gut Ben
and One-eyed Mona ♪♪
469
00:21:49,992 --> 00:21:52,187
♪♪ We'll get that load
out to Arizona ♪♪
470
00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:53,717
♪♪ Cause a trucker helps
a trucker ♪♪
471
00:21:53,762 --> 00:21:59,356
♪♪ Help his mama when he can. ♪♪
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