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1
00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:18,723
Ripped By mstoll
2
00:00:34,884 --> 00:00:37,717
It's a solid grill,
and at this price...
3
00:00:37,754 --> 00:00:40,245
WOMAN:
Hey! I've been standing
here for 45 minutes!
4
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,087
Ma'am, I'm the only one
on the floor today,
5
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,786
so if you could just bear
with me, I...
6
00:00:43,827 --> 00:00:45,852
Mr. McKenna's delivery
never came.
7
00:00:45,895 --> 00:00:47,021
(sighs)
8
00:00:47,063 --> 00:00:49,531
Mr. McKenna, we're
a little short-handed...
9
00:00:49,566 --> 00:00:54,196
Yeah, I understand you can't
grill an excuse, sir, but I...
10
00:00:54,237 --> 00:00:55,568
Well, sir, I disagree.
11
00:00:55,605 --> 00:00:57,869
I don't think a monkey
could do my job.
12
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,239
PEGGY:
Hank!
13
00:01:05,281 --> 00:01:06,908
Oh, Hank,
I am so excited.
14
00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:08,884
Ijust joined
the planning committee
15
00:01:08,918 --> 00:01:12,081
for the first annual
Viva Los Arlentinos Day.
16
00:01:12,122 --> 00:01:13,248
(sighs)
17
00:01:13,289 --> 00:01:14,813
Well, I'm glad you had
a good day.
18
00:01:14,858 --> 00:01:17,952
Mine's been just about
the worst one I can remember.
19
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,985
We had no one
on the sales floor...
20
00:01:20,029 --> 00:01:21,155
It is a festival
21
00:01:21,197 --> 00:01:24,223
celebrating Arlen's rich
Hispanic heritage.
22
00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:25,859
And get this, Hank:
23
00:01:25,902 --> 00:01:28,302
There will be an
actual bull run!
24
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,306
Isn't that amazing?!
25
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,307
(moans)
26
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:32,501
It could mean a lot
27
00:01:32,542 --> 00:01:33,907
of substitute
Spanish teaching gigs.
28
00:01:33,943 --> 00:01:36,468
Hank, I want you to join
the committee and help out.
29
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:37,480
What do you say?
30
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,744
Peggy, I'm exhausted.
31
00:01:39,783 --> 00:01:43,241
I don't have time for some
harebrained bull run.
32
00:01:43,286 --> 00:01:45,880
Well, then, I guess
I won't have time
33
00:01:45,922 --> 00:01:47,685
to prepare
your dinner tonight.
34
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,029
Hill, why aren't you
in the shower?
35
00:02:01,070 --> 00:02:04,471
Uh, well, you know how I am
in gym class.
36
00:02:04,507 --> 00:02:05,769
I barely move.
37
00:02:05,809 --> 00:02:08,004
Why shower if I don't sweat?
38
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,102
Ah, nice try.
39
00:02:09,145 --> 00:02:10,806
That'll get you
an "A" in debate,
40
00:02:10,847 --> 00:02:11,939
but an "F" in gym.
41
00:02:11,981 --> 00:02:12,948
Now, shower!
42
00:02:15,685 --> 00:02:18,279
I always wanted to run
with the bulls.
43
00:02:18,321 --> 00:02:20,789
Sometimes when I'm
being chased by dogs,
44
00:02:20,824 --> 00:02:22,223
I pretend they're bulls.
45
00:02:22,258 --> 00:02:24,317
Geez, Bill, why run
with the bulls?
46
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,294
At your weight
and cholesterol count,
47
00:02:26,329 --> 00:02:27,626
if you want to hasten death,
48
00:02:27,664 --> 00:02:29,996
just jump up and down
a couple of times.
49
00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:32,263
No, I want the
bulls to do it.
50
00:02:32,302 --> 00:02:33,564
Guys, I'm too tired
51
00:02:33,603 --> 00:02:36,094
to hear a bunch of nonsense
right now.
52
00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:38,004
Bull runs are stupid.
53
00:02:38,041 --> 00:02:39,770
They tried one
in Mesquite last year.
54
00:02:39,809 --> 00:02:42,607
The bulls kept stopping
to eat grass off the sidewalk.
55
00:02:42,645 --> 00:02:44,203
Things have changed, Hank.
56
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:46,010
Mesquite was a wake-up call.
57
00:02:46,049 --> 00:02:48,210
Now they're pumping the bulls
with testosterone,
58
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:51,448
a bona fide magic elixir
of power.
59
00:02:51,487 --> 00:02:53,978
It makes a creature
bigger, faster,
60
00:02:54,023 --> 00:02:55,786
meaner, and smarter.
61
00:02:55,825 --> 00:02:57,292
Like Vin Diesel.
62
00:02:57,327 --> 00:02:59,557
Exactly like Vin Diesel.
63
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,928
Our folks are gonna
get trampled and gored
64
00:03:01,965 --> 00:03:03,899
in a way those wussies
in Mesquite
65
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:04,900
could only dream of!
66
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,162
Hey, Bobby.
67
00:03:06,202 --> 00:03:07,396
Hey, Dad.
68
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,962
I'm supposed to ask
you to sign this.
69
00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,570
You're flunking P. E?
70
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,634
Well, how is that
even possible?
71
00:03:14,677 --> 00:03:17,976
Uh, well, I guess I'm just
smaller than the other guys.
72
00:03:18,014 --> 00:03:19,777
I can't keep up.
73
00:03:19,816 --> 00:03:22,979
Son, P.E. Isn't
about being strong or fast
74
00:03:23,019 --> 00:03:24,418
or winning points.
75
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,217
That stuff only matters in...
76
00:03:26,256 --> 00:03:28,850
well, every single
other area of life.
77
00:03:28,892 --> 00:03:31,156
But in P.E., all you
have to do is try.
78
00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:32,161
(sighs)
79
00:03:32,195 --> 00:03:35,596
Okay, I'll try.
80
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:36,599
(sighs)
81
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,225
The boy's got no fight
in him.
82
00:03:38,268 --> 00:03:39,599
I don't get it.
83
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:42,833
He spends five hours a day
playing violent video games.
84
00:03:42,872 --> 00:03:46,603
What's the point if they don't have
any effect on him?
85
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:50,272
Maybe he's missing
something.
86
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:51,405
Like testosterone!
87
00:03:51,447 --> 00:03:52,471
Dale...
88
00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,642
It's the perfect
explanation.
89
00:03:54,684 --> 00:03:59,917
Testosterone provides
everything Bobby's missing: Energy,
90
00:03:59,956 --> 00:04:04,359
confidence, aggression,
agility, muscle, speed.
91
00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:06,294
Just give him a little
extra to top him off,
92
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,559
and sha-sha:
Instant puberty.
93
00:04:08,598 --> 00:04:10,691
(sighs):
I don't know.
94
00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:13,998
Now, Joseph...
he's bursting with testosterone.
95
00:04:14,037 --> 00:04:17,063
Hey, Joseph,
wanna wrestle?
96
00:04:17,106 --> 00:04:18,266
(Dale screams)
97
00:04:18,308 --> 00:04:20,242
Oh, God, it hurts!
98
00:04:20,276 --> 00:04:22,471
It hurts so much!
99
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,446
Huh.
100
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:25,606
(Dale screams)
101
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,217
Bobby doesn't need
testosterone.
102
00:04:31,254 --> 00:04:33,449
He needs
his father's acceptance.
103
00:04:33,489 --> 00:04:36,185
If only his glands
could secrete that.
104
00:04:36,225 --> 00:04:38,386
Peggy, we're just taking
a growing boy to a doctor.
105
00:04:38,428 --> 00:04:39,725
(cell phone rings)
106
00:04:39,762 --> 00:04:41,662
There's nothing wrong
with finding out if...
107
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:42,926
Hello?
108
00:04:42,966 --> 00:04:44,627
What?!
109
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:46,532
I'll be there as
soon as possible.
110
00:04:46,569 --> 00:04:47,763
Donna's out sick.
111
00:04:47,804 --> 00:04:49,795
Now I've gotta do
all the bookkeeping
112
00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:52,933
while I'm doing Joe Jack's
and Enrique's jobs.
113
00:04:52,976 --> 00:04:54,466
Dang it, dang it!
114
00:04:54,510 --> 00:04:56,842
All the more reason this visit
is a waste of time, Hank.
115
00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:57,937
We should just...
116
00:04:57,981 --> 00:05:00,506
Peggy, just drop it, okay?
117
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,417
Well, except for being
incurably ticklish,
118
00:05:03,453 --> 00:05:05,387
I'm a hundred percent
healthy!
119
00:05:05,421 --> 00:05:07,048
Bobby, good work!
120
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:08,819
Now, if you'll
all excuse me,
121
00:05:08,858 --> 00:05:10,723
it turns out
what I gave in the sample cup
122
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,786
was only half the story.
123
00:05:13,830 --> 00:05:15,092
So you couldn't
find anything
124
00:05:15,131 --> 00:05:16,428
wrong with him, Doctor?
125
00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:17,626
Nope.
126
00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:18,998
He's developing
at a perfectly normal rate.
127
00:05:19,035 --> 00:05:20,900
Uh-huh. But shouldn't
we be giving him
128
00:05:20,937 --> 00:05:23,030
maybe just a little
testosterone,
129
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,266
just to top him off?
130
00:05:24,307 --> 00:05:26,104
You know,
jump-start that puberty?
131
00:05:26,142 --> 00:05:29,942
Yes, Mr. Hill, testosterone
can "jump-start' puberty,
132
00:05:29,979 --> 00:05:31,776
but I don't give
radical hormone therapy
133
00:05:31,814 --> 00:05:34,783
to young boys who happen to be
mediocre at dodge ball.
134
00:05:34,817 --> 00:05:37,081
Testosterone is
most commonly prescribed
135
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,385
to men in their 40s
with Irritable Male Syndrome.
136
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,481
Irritable what who?
137
00:05:41,524 --> 00:05:43,992
Irritable Male Syndrome, or IMS.
138
00:05:44,027 --> 00:05:45,824
It's the male equivalent
of PMS.
139
00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:47,727
There's a PMS for men?
140
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,254
Oh, God.
141
00:05:49,298 --> 00:05:51,493
Look, we don't have
time to talk politics.
142
00:05:51,534 --> 00:05:53,058
I've gotta get to work.
143
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,662
Men's testosterone
levels fluctuate wildly
throughout each day.
144
00:05:55,705 --> 00:05:59,232
In some men,
it can cause lethargy,
anxiety, irritability.
145
00:06:00,676 --> 00:06:01,768
(gasps)
146
00:06:01,811 --> 00:06:03,745
You have
Irritable Male Syndrome!
147
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:04,678
What?!
148
00:06:04,714 --> 00:06:06,079
This is why you didn't want
149
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:08,276
to help me
with Viva Los Arlentinos Day.
150
00:06:08,317 --> 00:06:11,047
This is why you've been grouchy
and sluggish and...
151
00:06:11,087 --> 00:06:12,987
Dang it, Peggy,
that's ridiculous!
152
00:06:13,022 --> 00:06:15,286
I'm just stressed
about my work.
153
00:06:15,324 --> 00:06:17,019
Well, the stress
you're feeling at work
154
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:18,857
could be a result of IMS.
155
00:06:18,895 --> 00:06:20,260
It's nothing
to be ashamed of.
156
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,093
Just think of it like
you're having your menses.
157
00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:23,155
(shuddering)
158
00:06:23,199 --> 00:06:24,564
Hank, I'm going
to write you
159
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,728
a prescription for a low-dosage
testosterone supplement.
160
00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:29,499
Go ahead and try it for a few...
161
00:06:29,539 --> 00:06:30,972
I don't need testosterone.
162
00:06:31,007 --> 00:06:33,601
I just need you two
to get off my got-dang back.
163
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,837
Let's go, Bobby.
164
00:06:34,877 --> 00:06:37,573
We're done
with this jackass festival.
165
00:06:39,749 --> 00:06:41,979
Testosterone could've
elevated Hank's mood,
166
00:06:42,018 --> 00:06:43,485
improved his whole outlook.
167
00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:49,615
Well, I should probably, uh,
168
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:53,288
turn my back and file
a chart or something.
169
00:07:12,448 --> 00:07:13,472
HANK:
Got-dang it!
170
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:14,915
I'm out of
clean socks!
171
00:07:14,951 --> 00:07:16,213
Got-dang it!
172
00:07:19,322 --> 00:07:21,483
PEGGY:
Breakfast is ready!
173
00:07:26,729 --> 00:07:28,424
Well, Bobby, I've
scheduled a conference
174
00:07:28,464 --> 00:07:30,762
with your P.E. Teacher so
we can discuss the problem.
175
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,960
Oh, my God, Dad!
176
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:33,468
Don't do that!
177
00:07:33,503 --> 00:07:35,801
I... I forbid it!
178
00:07:35,838 --> 00:07:38,033
Dang it.
What is going on with you?!
179
00:07:38,074 --> 00:07:40,338
Don't forget
about your coffee, Hank.
180
00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:43,106
Okay, the real reason
I'm failing P.E. Is...
181
00:07:43,146 --> 00:07:45,808
I won't take a shower
with the other guys!
182
00:07:45,848 --> 00:07:47,110
I can't!
183
00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:48,981
Bobby, do not lay this trip
on your father
184
00:07:49,018 --> 00:07:50,952
while he's trying to enjoy
his coffee.
185
00:07:50,987 --> 00:07:53,319
He's stressed enough
without you interrupting
186
00:07:53,356 --> 00:07:54,755
his coffee-drinking time.
187
00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:57,953
All right, Hank, you're free
to drink your coffee.
188
00:07:57,994 --> 00:08:00,121
Would you forget
about the coffee?
189
00:08:00,163 --> 00:08:03,132
Bobby, no one wants to
take a shower after gym.
190
00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:05,225
It's not fun,
it's not pleasant,
191
00:08:05,268 --> 00:08:07,168
and usually not
very sanitary,
192
00:08:07,203 --> 00:08:08,602
but you do it anyway.
193
00:08:08,638 --> 00:08:09,935
Why?
194
00:08:09,972 --> 00:08:11,803
Because a big part
of being a man
195
00:08:11,841 --> 00:08:13,934
is doing things you
don't want to do.
196
00:08:13,976 --> 00:08:16,274
But there's a way
to get through it:
197
00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:20,009
You just lower your
eyes to the floor
and count the tiles.
198
00:08:20,049 --> 00:08:21,607
In my day,
there were 60.
199
00:08:21,651 --> 00:08:24,119
Count the tiles.
200
00:08:24,153 --> 00:08:26,348
I'll do it.
201
00:08:26,389 --> 00:08:28,448
Well, I guess I'm off, too.
202
00:08:28,491 --> 00:08:29,788
Wait, Hank!
203
00:08:29,825 --> 00:08:31,383
Don't forget your coffee.
204
00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:34,419
Yeah, I'm gonna need it
for the day I'm facing.
205
00:08:36,499 --> 00:08:38,797
And I made you
some more for later.
206
00:08:38,834 --> 00:08:40,893
Drink it six hours from now,
with a meal.
207
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,268
Do not mix it
with alcohol.
208
00:08:45,908 --> 00:08:49,503
BOY:
Hey, dude, is that a pimple
or another nipple?
209
00:08:49,545 --> 00:08:50,807
(kids laughing)
210
00:08:50,846 --> 00:08:52,780
I'll take that "F."
211
00:09:05,561 --> 00:09:07,825
Ta-da!
212
00:09:07,863 --> 00:09:08,989
I'll take it.
213
00:09:09,031 --> 00:09:10,965
You said you were
helping me next.
214
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,490
Does that
look like me?
215
00:09:12,535 --> 00:09:16,062
Ma'am, I am going to do whatever
it takes to make you happy.
216
00:09:16,105 --> 00:09:17,766
Here's the 20-second tour
of the store.
217
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,434
Are you gettin' happy?
218
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:20,772
(woman laughing)
219
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:22,971
A little...
220
00:09:24,046 --> 00:09:25,775
Yep.
221
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:26,782
Mm-hmm.
222
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:27,783
Y...
223
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,944
Got-dang right!
224
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:33,513
So it turns out, I am not
the actual Dale Gribble
225
00:09:33,556 --> 00:09:34,921
but a clone of him.
226
00:09:34,957 --> 00:09:36,788
The original me
is a super-warrior
227
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:39,294
from the year 2087.
228
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:43,424
The second me, i.e., "l"
was created to help the first me
229
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:45,798
fight the invading
Mongol armies.
230
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,496
Beer, please.
231
00:09:47,536 --> 00:09:50,801
Dale, that's asinine,
and here's four reasons why:
232
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,104
First: You're not gonna clone
a super-warrior
233
00:09:53,142 --> 00:09:56,009
out of a guy who can't even win
a thumb-wrestling match.
234
00:09:56,045 --> 00:09:56,875
But, I...
235
00:09:56,912 --> 00:09:58,209
Two: You've spent your life
236
00:09:58,247 --> 00:10:00,807
swearing that the robots
will exterminate the clones
237
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,317
by the end of 2010,
238
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,909
so which is it,
robots or clones?
239
00:10:03,953 --> 00:10:05,545
I suppose...
240
00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:07,055
Three: You've already said
241
00:10:07,089 --> 00:10:09,990
you sympathize with the invading
Mongolians of 2087,
242
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:12,859
so you'd be the last one
they'd send to fight'em.
243
00:10:12,895 --> 00:10:14,692
And four:
If you were from the future,
244
00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:16,322
you would've seen this coming:
245
00:10:17,466 --> 00:10:19,593
Yeah, man.
246
00:10:19,635 --> 00:10:21,500
Hey, any of you guys
feel like wrestling?
247
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:22,834
Even me?
248
00:10:23,939 --> 00:10:25,497
Okay.
249
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:30,239
(Bill grunts, moans)
250
00:10:30,279 --> 00:10:32,076
(both grunt)
251
00:10:32,114 --> 00:10:36,574
DALE: It just hurts
so damn much! Ah!
252
00:10:41,791 --> 00:10:43,315
Great chicken, Peggy.
253
00:10:43,359 --> 00:10:45,452
Can we have some steak, too?
254
00:10:45,494 --> 00:10:48,986
Well, you certainly
seem to have a lot of energy, today.
255
00:10:49,031 --> 00:10:51,158
Yep, and you know,
this afternoon,
256
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,033
I was pumping some iron,
and I was thinking
257
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,038
Arlentinos Day
is gonna be great,
258
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:59,701
and I came up with nine ways
you could expedite the workload.
259
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,710
Hank, I didn't even know
you cared about my...
260
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,577
In fact, why don't I just go
with you to the meeting tomorrow
261
00:11:04,613 --> 00:11:06,137
so I can tell everyone my ideas?
262
00:11:06,182 --> 00:11:08,980
I am upgrading your steak
from Salisbury to sirloin.
263
00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:10,576
Thanks, Peggy.
264
00:11:10,619 --> 00:11:11,916
Got-dang it, I love you.
265
00:11:11,954 --> 00:11:13,319
And I love you, too, son.
266
00:11:13,356 --> 00:11:14,983
How was P. E?
267
00:11:15,024 --> 00:11:16,719
Well, uh... you know.
268
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,626
I just went in there,
in the shower,
269
00:11:19,662 --> 00:11:20,720
like you said,
270
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,163
counted the tiles and got out.
271
00:11:23,199 --> 00:11:24,393
That's great, Bobby.
272
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,560
Come on, let's go
do some push-ups.
273
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:26,931
Huh?
274
00:11:28,537 --> 00:11:29,799
Wh?
(giggles)
275
00:11:29,839 --> 00:11:33,172
You know, Peggy,
JAG is a rerun tonight.
276
00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:35,177
Oh, Hank.
277
00:11:43,919 --> 00:11:45,648
MAN:
And so our bull run
278
00:11:45,688 --> 00:11:48,782
will greatly resemble
the legendary bull run
279
00:11:48,824 --> 00:11:50,291
of Pamplona, Spain.
280
00:11:50,326 --> 00:11:53,227
Except that with ours,
the men and the bulls
281
00:11:53,262 --> 00:11:55,355
will be separated at all times
282
00:11:55,398 --> 00:11:57,730
by a 15-foot-high
chain-link fence.
283
00:11:57,767 --> 00:11:59,564
What? That's crazy!
284
00:11:59,602 --> 00:12:01,661
Hank, the insurance
is through the roof.
285
00:12:01,704 --> 00:12:03,296
We do not have
the funds for it.
286
00:12:03,339 --> 00:12:05,671
If we put on a bull run
with a safety fence,
287
00:12:05,708 --> 00:12:07,369
our whole town
will look like
288
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:09,139
a bunch
of got-dang jackasses,
289
00:12:09,178 --> 00:12:11,669
and I'll be got danged
if I'm gonna let that happen!
290
00:12:11,714 --> 00:12:12,976
Hank, easy.
291
00:12:13,015 --> 00:12:15,245
If money's the problem,
I'll raise it myself!
292
00:12:15,284 --> 00:12:16,683
(murmuring)
293
00:12:16,719 --> 00:12:19,119
I'll run with the bulls,
and I'll get every business
294
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,918
in the tri-county area
to sponsor me.
295
00:12:20,956 --> 00:12:23,049
That'll cover the insurance
and then some.
296
00:12:23,092 --> 00:12:24,855
(applause and cheers)
297
00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:27,021
Honey, you are amazing.
298
00:12:29,031 --> 00:12:31,090
And in five days,
he's already raised
299
00:12:31,133 --> 00:12:33,499
half the insurance money
for the bull run.
300
00:12:33,536 --> 00:12:36,733
NANCY:
He is so energetic
and confident and happy
301
00:12:36,772 --> 00:12:38,262
and in shape and...
302
00:12:38,307 --> 00:12:39,740
Oh, sug,
he's having an affair.
303
00:12:39,775 --> 00:12:43,336
Wha... Nancy,
I can assure you,
304
00:12:43,379 --> 00:12:45,006
whatever's going on with Hank,
305
00:12:45,047 --> 00:12:46,878
is not being caused
by another woman.
306
00:12:46,916 --> 00:12:50,408
Sug, what else rejuvenates
a middle-aged man like that?
307
00:12:50,453 --> 00:12:52,978
An affair
would explain everything.
308
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,614
Well,
except for his pimples.
309
00:12:54,657 --> 00:12:56,625
Oh, now, those are just
a side effect.
310
00:12:56,659 --> 00:12:57,626
Side effect?
311
00:12:57,660 --> 00:12:58,957
From happiness.
312
00:12:58,994 --> 00:13:02,395
You know, they're just
little "zits of joy."
313
00:13:02,431 --> 00:13:04,092
That iced tea ready?
314
00:13:16,145 --> 00:13:17,373
(sighs)
315
00:13:17,413 --> 00:13:18,505
Afternoon, ladies.
316
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:19,844
(giggling)
317
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,009
Oh, Hank, stop.
318
00:13:26,288 --> 00:13:29,746
Hank, I've been watching
you jump that thing
319
00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:31,384
for three hours now.
320
00:13:31,427 --> 00:13:32,860
I'm exhausted.
321
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,453
Yeah,
you've trained enough.
322
00:13:34,497 --> 00:13:35,896
Besides, in a bull run,
323
00:13:35,931 --> 00:13:39,298
the only thing you'll have
to jump over are mangled bodies.
324
00:13:39,335 --> 00:13:41,269
I'm not done training,
you idiot!
325
00:13:41,303 --> 00:13:42,827
Now get on that lawn mower,
326
00:13:42,872 --> 00:13:44,703
and pretend
you're the bull. Now.
327
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,503
(sighs):
Okay.
328
00:13:51,146 --> 00:13:53,171
Grr.
329
00:13:53,215 --> 00:13:54,876
Is that all
you got? C'mon!
330
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,145
Hey!
331
00:13:56,185 --> 00:13:58,915
My God, Hank's getting
right in the bull's face.
332
00:13:58,954 --> 00:14:01,047
I'll kick your fat
bull ass! C'mon!
333
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,250
Ow!
334
00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:03,781
You play too rough!
335
00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:04,986
I'm going home.
336
00:14:05,027 --> 00:14:06,426
Who wants to
take his place?
337
00:14:06,462 --> 00:14:07,486
Talkin' about
dang ol'
338
00:14:07,530 --> 00:14:08,519
no thank you, man.
339
00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:10,293
I have a lot of calls
to return.
340
00:14:10,332 --> 00:14:11,799
Well, fine, then.
341
00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:14,667
I don't want training help
from a bunch of wussies anyway.
342
00:14:17,072 --> 00:14:18,300
'Sup?
343
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:19,500
'Sup?
344
00:14:26,181 --> 00:14:28,445
Hank, I picked up
some Clearasil for your acne.
345
00:14:28,484 --> 00:14:30,543
Hey, where are you
heading off to so fast?
346
00:14:30,586 --> 00:14:31,985
Well, I have to get
dinner ready.
347
00:14:32,021 --> 00:14:33,511
Dinner can wait.
348
00:14:33,556 --> 00:14:35,888
I say we hit
the bedroom.
349
00:14:35,925 --> 00:14:37,859
Hank, we can't
fool around now.
350
00:14:37,893 --> 00:14:40,384
Your dad is on his way over
for dinner.
351
00:14:40,429 --> 00:14:41,521
What?
352
00:14:41,564 --> 00:14:43,930
Dang it,
he always ruins everything!
353
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,661
Why does he have to be here?
354
00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:48,568
I got my own house so I wouldn't
have to deal with his crap.
355
00:14:48,604 --> 00:14:49,969
Can you hear yourself?
356
00:14:50,005 --> 00:14:51,700
Yeah, I can hear myself.
357
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:53,037
Can you hear this?
358
00:14:57,279 --> 00:14:59,804
I never told you
to secretly dope your husband.
359
00:14:59,848 --> 00:15:01,748
Well, you didn't say
not to, did you?
360
00:15:01,784 --> 00:15:04,548
Medicine is no place
for mixed signals, Doctor.
361
00:15:04,587 --> 00:15:06,418
Peggy, the amount
of testosterone
362
00:15:06,455 --> 00:15:08,218
you've given
Hank is dangerous.
363
00:15:08,257 --> 00:15:09,724
You've effectively
caused him
364
00:15:09,758 --> 00:15:11,089
to go through puberty again.
365
00:15:11,126 --> 00:15:13,060
Well, that explains
the constant hair combing
366
00:15:13,095 --> 00:15:15,586
and why he's hanging out
at the mall all the time.
367
00:15:15,631 --> 00:15:17,826
But don't worry,
I have stopped cold turkey.
368
00:15:17,866 --> 00:15:19,731
Whoa, don't do that.
369
00:15:19,768 --> 00:15:22,100
When the body is given
excessive testosterone,
370
00:15:22,137 --> 00:15:23,502
it stops making its own.
371
00:15:23,539 --> 00:15:26,167
Consequently, Hank's testicles
may have shrunken
372
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:27,232
by as much as 20%.
373
00:15:27,276 --> 00:15:28,834
Oh, my God.
374
00:15:28,877 --> 00:15:31,209
This is just the kind of thing
that upsets him.
375
00:15:31,246 --> 00:15:33,680
And now, with
no testosterone
coming from pills
376
00:15:33,716 --> 00:15:34,944
or from his own glands,
377
00:15:34,984 --> 00:15:37,043
Hank's cognitive and
physical abilities
378
00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:38,610
will be severely impaired.
379
00:15:38,654 --> 00:15:43,091
So you're saying that my husband
will be soft, timid and weak,
380
00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,093
and have defunct genitalia?
381
00:15:45,127 --> 00:15:47,755
(crying)
382
00:15:47,796 --> 00:15:49,525
It's okay, Peggy.
383
00:15:49,565 --> 00:15:52,261
He just needs to ease off
the testosterone gradually.
384
00:15:52,301 --> 00:15:54,360
Have him wear this
for about a week.
385
00:15:54,403 --> 00:15:56,098
It's a trans-scrotal patch.
386
00:15:56,138 --> 00:15:57,105
(sighs)
387
00:15:57,139 --> 00:15:58,197
Of course it is.
388
00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,707
He'll affix it
to his scrotum,
389
00:15:59,742 --> 00:16:01,937
and testosterone will
absorb into his system
390
00:16:01,977 --> 00:16:04,912
at slow, steady levels.
391
00:16:04,947 --> 00:16:07,677
And so it's come to this.
392
00:16:09,318 --> 00:16:12,583
(groans)
393
00:16:14,657 --> 00:16:15,624
Ah, dang it.
394
00:16:15,658 --> 00:16:16,989
I don't know what's wrong.
395
00:16:17,026 --> 00:16:19,460
It's like somebody sucked
all the life out of me.
396
00:16:19,495 --> 00:16:22,225
Hank, I have to tell you
something.
397
00:16:22,264 --> 00:16:24,459
HANK:
You what?!
398
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,127
Minh, come quick!
399
00:16:26,168 --> 00:16:27,795
Hank and Peggy having
old school, redneck,
400
00:16:27,836 --> 00:16:29,303
domestic squabble
on front lawn!
401
00:16:29,338 --> 00:16:31,135
HANK:
How could you, Peggy?
402
00:16:31,173 --> 00:16:32,970
Oh, I bet she burn
the meat loaf.
403
00:16:33,008 --> 00:16:34,168
It caused what?
404
00:16:34,209 --> 00:16:36,143
Why he point at his crotch
like that?
405
00:16:36,178 --> 00:16:39,147
20% shrinkage?!
406
00:16:39,181 --> 00:16:42,150
You want me to put a patch
on my what?!
407
00:16:42,184 --> 00:16:45,347
Okay, this going in
a weird direction now.
408
00:16:45,387 --> 00:16:46,547
(sighs)
409
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:47,782
So over these
last weeks,
410
00:16:47,823 --> 00:16:49,154
all my energy,
my strength,
411
00:16:49,191 --> 00:16:51,785
my confidence,
my happiness...
412
00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:53,988
Completely meaningless, Hank.
413
00:16:54,029 --> 00:16:55,189
I'm sorry.
414
00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:56,197
(sighs)
415
00:16:56,231 --> 00:16:57,698
I think I want to yell at you,
416
00:16:57,733 --> 00:17:00,258
but I don't know if it's me
or the hormones,
417
00:17:00,302 --> 00:17:01,963
or the lack
of 'em, or...
418
00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:03,130
(sighs)
419
00:17:03,172 --> 00:17:04,537
DALE:
Hey, Hank!
420
00:17:04,573 --> 00:17:06,097
I know you're already
all pumped up
421
00:17:06,141 --> 00:17:07,699
for the big bull run,
422
00:17:07,743 --> 00:17:10,268
but I thought this tape might
put you even more in the mood.
423
00:17:10,312 --> 00:17:13,110
When Bull Gorings Go Bad.
424
00:17:13,148 --> 00:17:14,775
You're a brave
man, Hank.
425
00:17:14,817 --> 00:17:17,786
Personally, I watched
two minutes of it and vomited.
426
00:17:17,820 --> 00:17:19,811
Check out the pictures
on the back.
427
00:17:19,855 --> 00:17:22,449
(moans)
428
00:17:27,396 --> 00:17:29,421
I suppose we'll have
to call your sponsors
429
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,592
and tell them you can't
run with the bulls tomorrow.
430
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,329
I'm sure they'll understand when
I explain to them that you...
431
00:17:34,369 --> 00:17:35,461
Oh...
432
00:17:35,504 --> 00:17:37,563
No. I made a promise
to those people.
433
00:17:37,606 --> 00:17:39,403
Maybe you could wait
a year.
434
00:17:39,441 --> 00:17:41,773
You know,
until you're full strength?
435
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,505
No, sir.
Unless their checks bounced,
436
00:17:43,545 --> 00:17:44,842
I'm running with the bulls.
437
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,939
PEGGY:
But Hank, honey,
everything's changed.
438
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,916
Now you aren't even
able to...
439
00:17:48,951 --> 00:17:51,818
I can still do everything,
just not as well.
440
00:17:51,854 --> 00:17:55,017
The only real difference
is that now I'm scared.
441
00:17:55,057 --> 00:17:56,217
But if you're scared, why?
442
00:17:56,258 --> 00:17:59,284
Because a man does
what he has to do.
443
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,455
You were scared to take
a shower in gym class,
444
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,691
but you did it anyway.
445
00:18:02,731 --> 00:18:06,531
Well, running with
the bulls is my shower.
446
00:18:13,408 --> 00:18:17,310
If you feel like
you have to run tomorrow,
447
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,540
at least wear this.
448
00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:20,514
There is no rule
that says you can't.
449
00:18:20,549 --> 00:18:22,540
No, Peggy, no
more testosterone.
450
00:18:22,584 --> 00:18:24,882
I'm not going
through puberty again.
451
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,615
I didn't like it
when I was 14,
452
00:18:26,655 --> 00:18:28,350
and I didn't like
it last week.
453
00:18:28,390 --> 00:18:29,880
Your hormone level is so low
454
00:18:29,925 --> 00:18:32,257
this will give you just enough
to be normal.
455
00:18:32,294 --> 00:18:33,488
Like when you were a man.
456
00:18:52,948 --> 00:18:54,745
Mr. Hill, we are
so grateful for
457
00:18:54,783 --> 00:18:56,910
your enthusiasm
and your bravery.
458
00:18:56,952 --> 00:19:00,285
You have helped the
Arlen Latin Heritage
Society greatly.
459
00:19:00,322 --> 00:19:01,584
Well, my pleasure.
460
00:19:01,623 --> 00:19:03,853
Obviously, we wanted
to say this to you now
461
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:06,019
in the event that
you become dead
462
00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:07,892
sometime within
the next half hour.
463
00:19:11,633 --> 00:19:13,863
Come on, Bobby,
it's time to go to the parade!
464
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,529
(gasps)
465
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:31,218
ANNOUNCER:
Runners, take your places!
466
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,000
PEGGY:
Hank!
467
00:19:47,035 --> 00:19:50,903
Hank Hill! I demand that
you put this on yourself, now!
468
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:52,463
Peggy, put that away!
469
00:19:52,507 --> 00:19:55,067
Dad, don't run
with the bulls!
470
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:57,408
You don't have
to prove anything to me!
471
00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,472
I lied to you!
I never showered!
472
00:20:00,515 --> 00:20:02,915
I was too scared!
473
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:03,883
You what?!
474
00:20:03,919 --> 00:20:06,581
I'm sorry! I failed you!
475
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:09,591
That's why
I'm not worth dying for!
476
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,092
Wear the patch, Hank!
477
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,117
Don't run, Dad!
478
00:20:13,161 --> 00:20:15,595
Bobby, I'm running
with the bulls,
479
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,099
and I'm gonna do it
without the patch.
480
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,600
Between the drugging
and the lying,
481
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,899
one of us in this family
has got to show some
482
00:20:21,937 --> 00:20:24,428
got-dang integrity!
483
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,532
(cheering)
484
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:32,538
(screams,crowd moans)
485
00:20:32,581 --> 00:20:33,912
(yelling)
486
00:20:33,949 --> 00:20:35,075
MAN:
Okay, Hank, macho!
487
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,454
PEGGY:
Run, Hank!
488
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:40,785
All right, Hank!
489
00:20:44,793 --> 00:20:45,987
(yells)
490
00:20:50,032 --> 00:20:55,026
This is the bravest thing I've
ever seen in my entire life.
491
00:20:57,940 --> 00:21:01,000
Just count the tiles.
492
00:21:02,411 --> 00:21:03,901
One, two...
493
00:21:03,946 --> 00:21:05,573
DOOLEY:
That's my soap.
494
00:21:05,614 --> 00:21:07,241
Three, four...
495
00:21:07,282 --> 00:21:08,749
RAMON:
Dudes, check me out.
496
00:21:08,784 --> 00:21:11,753
I call this
"eggs over easy."
497
00:21:11,787 --> 00:21:15,518
Five, six...
498
00:21:15,557 --> 00:21:20,919
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