All language subtitles for 5 Maverick S03E05 - The Cats of Paradise SDH

[intense music]

What are you trying to do?

The tide's out, ma'am.

You couldn't drown
in that Sacramento mud

if you had a cannonball
under each arm.

Don't cry.

Please.

That, that's better.

Now, what brought you to this?

Men?

No, sir.

Cats.

Cats?

Miss, uh..

Modesty Blaine.

Bret Maverick.

Can I take you home?

I don't have a home.

Well, now there
is a coincidence.

Neither have I.

Suppose we discuss the cold
world over a hot cup of coffee.

(male narrator) A Warner
Bros. Television Production.

[instrumental music]

There now, isn't that better?

You're so kind,
Mr. Maverick.

'So strong.'

We're all strong enough, ma'am.

To bear the misfortunes
of others.

Now, tell me the worst.

You said something out there
about cats?

That's right.

Only I hadn't even
bought the cats.

Two men held me up tonight
and took every penny I had.

Five hundred dollars.

You were planning on buying
$500 worth of cat?

That's right.

That's why I sold
my gold claim in Paradise.

They need cats in Paradise,
Mr. Maverick.

'Need them desperately.'

To join the heavenly chorus?

No, silly.

Paradise is a small mining town.

And they're having
terrible trouble with rats.

Some of them are probably
friends of mine.

'No, these are real rats.'

And mice too.
Oh, they're the worst.

Like in so many camps.

The little creatures multiply
themselves in the mine tunnels.

They infest
the poor miners cabins

and they're robbing
the storekeepers blind.

What, haven't they heard
of traps or poison?

Oh, these mice thrive on poison

and they laugh at traps.

'Cats, Mr. Maverick.'

That's the only weapon.

For a prime mouser in Paradise

a girl could get 50 dollars.

50 dollars
for a little old house cat?

More for a mean old snarly cat.

How many souls
are there in Paradise?

That need cats, I mean.

Ooh, about 200 cabins,
that's 200 cats.

Two hundred..

Well, that's, uh, a fortune.

Yes, it is.

That's why I risked
every penny I had in the world.

Oh, I, I know I was greedy.

A girl could be happy
on half as much.

So could a boy, Miss Blaine.

[instrumental music]

'What's this?'

Oh!

A 1000 dollar bill.

That's every penny
I have in the world.

It is now the working capital
of the..

Consolidated Cat Corporation.

My!

A 1000 dollar bill.

(Modesty)
'"Tom Cats Wanted.'

'"The persons below will pay $2'

"per cat delivered
to Hanrahan's stable.

Bret Maverick
and Modesty Blaine."

But why only boy cats?

- Well, they travel smoother.
- I thought they always fought.

- Only in mixed company.
- Oh, I almost forgot.

No black cats.

Why, the mice is superstitious?

No, but the sheriff of Paradise

is superstitious
about black cats

and walking under ladders,
things like that.

Oh, he'd be very angry at us.

And there's no profit
in punctured cats.

- Quick on the trigger, is he?
- Quicker than a cat.

No black cats.

(Bret) You did a good
job, Mr. Hanrahan.

- Yeah.
- And I thank you kindly.

Yes, sir.
Much obliged, much obliged.

Uh, say, Maverick.

Of course I'm not a nosy man,
you know.

But do you mean
to stand there barefaced

and tell me that you're
going up onto the mountains

with 200 of them screamin'
felines in that thing?

Barefaced, Mr. Hanrahan.

I'd rather shave the devil
with a toothache.

I got a pretty girl
to ride with me.

- Oh.
- My partner.

Smells like a swamp
with the sun on it.

Smoked catfish.

Nobody but a woman that could
make a man this foolish.

[cats meowing]

Oh, I got customers comin'.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty.

- Hey, what's that?
- Catnip, of course.

Of course, catnip.
We take every precaution.

- You Mr. Maverick?
- That's right, son.

- $2 a cat?
- That's right.

It's him.

Hey, $2 for a cat?

$2 is a fair price,
wouldn't you say?

I'm glad I got my money first.

Alright, boys.
Now you step up.

Give the lady your cat.
I'll give you $2.

- Here you are.
- 'Thank you.'

They're all boy cats,
aren't they? Ah, you got four..

'$4. Keep 'em in the family.
There's two for you.'

[meowing]

Do you ever notice
how nice the evening smells

when there's money in the air?

Oh, Mr. Maverick.

You've opened up
a whole new life for me.

Bright and full of promise.

Good. You head to the boarding
house and pack your bag.

We're almost on our way.

Oh, I hate to mention it,
but I do owe them 20 dollars.

Here, you take 30.

Bring back a bottle of wine.
We'll have one for the road.

Oh, thank you,
Mr. Maverick.

Bret.

Thanks, partner.

Oh, Mr. Maverick, Bret

I reckon I have known
men like you

but they were in books.

And they clanked in armor
and ate at round tables.

Evening, little lady.

But haven't you come
to the wrong place?

Oh, I hope not.

I have 20 dollars and..

Well, I'd like a man
disposed of.

Well, now, would you like
both his legs broke

or have his body
thrown in the river?

Well, I'm not quite sure.

Which is cheaper?

Oh, money, huh?

See, maybe the two of us
can both make a few dollars.

The sailing masters
in San Francisco

were pleading for help.

Seems like when their sailor men
hit these golden shores

they lose their taste
for the sea.

'A good strong body
brings 40 dollars.'

And he gets a nice slow voyage

to Singapore under
healthy ocean breeze.

You can do all that
for 20 dollars?

Oh, yes, ma'am.

You pay me the 20..

And when the men pick him up
from you, they pay you 40.

I make money, you make money.

And a lost soul
gets a chance at a new life.

Well, I must say, sir.

You're a most understanding man.

Oh, but he's sly this one
and powerful.

I think he might need
a mild sedative.

Uh-huh. Oh, yes.

[meowing]

Grandma Odise
back in my boarding house

just insisted
on fixing us a supper

and put in a bottle
of her blackberry tonic.

'Oh, I'll pour it.'

You just sit at the round table
and let me wait on you.

My, it's a lovely bright night,
isn't it?

Oh, it's a perfect night
for cat travel.

Moon shinin' through the trees.

Balmy air.

'Regular spoonin' weather,
you might say.'

You might say.

If I didn't, ma'am

I wouldn't be
your clanking knight in armor.

Here, this may help you
to clank.

To the prettiest partner
a man ever had.

Grandma Odise really mixes
a tonic.

Oh, little of this
and little of that.

Wonder how she got
so many tigers in one bottle.

[snoring]

[foghorn blowing]

[knock on the door]

It's His Nibs.
The duke of Sacramento.

Who are you?

And what's that sound out there?

That's California's
Golden Gate, lad

creakin' in the cold fog.

I'm in San Francisco?

Look, friend,
there's been some mistake.

No mistake. A man can't pick
a happier life than the sea.

Now, just sign on this line.

- What is it?
- Just sign it.

Ship's articles,
every crewmen signed it.

- Shanghai?
- No, Singapore.

You're bound west for Singapore
on the Island Trader.

Captain Puget commanding.

You're gonna make your fortune
in the land of spice.

Oh, well, I never turn down
money, your honor

but, well, I've sort of made
my fortune in a land of mice.

- Careful, bucko.
- No, I'm serious.

You've made a bad choice,
captain.

I'm no sailor,
I'm a businessman.

- In what line?
- Right now I'm in cats.

Cats is it?

Ever meet one with nine tails,
bucko me lad?

Hey, he's pretty funny, captain.

He must keep your crew
in stitches all the time, huh?

Listen, my fancy friend.

We paid 40 dollars for you.

For 40 dollars we're going
to get sweat or blood.

Makes no difference which one.

- Now, sign the paper.
- I'm not signin' anythin'.

How many lashes, captain?

One cut for every puff of smoke.

Will you sign?

I'm considerin' it.

[indistinct shouting]

[footsteps approaching]

(Bret)
'What's your shipper, matey?'

Don't know.

Some bloodboat
bound for Singapore.

Captain Puget commanding?

That's her.

Oh, good.
I got a man for you here.

- Is he breathin'?
- Of course he is.

He's perfect specimen.

Sunny disposition,
never tie him out.

- $35.
- Fifty?

- Forty.
- It's a deal.

Take him out by the heels.

- Thanks for the business.
- Oh, think nothin' of it.

Tell him the duke said to write
when he gets the chance.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chattering]

(male #1) 'We got more, folks.
Alright. What have we got here?'

Oh, look at this.
A brown and white.

- Oh, that's a fine cat.
- A real rat-catcher, ain't she?

(male #1)
'They're going fast, folks.'

'There aren't many of these
beautiful animals left.'

'What's that you say, madam?
Look at this.'

'Isn't this a marvelous cat?
This is so wonderful.'

Ah, a real rat-killer, folks.
A real, what I hear?

$50.

$50, anybody else?

- 'Fifty five.'
- 'Fifty five dollars.'

(male #1)
'Who else? Who else is on that?'

[indistinct chattering]

(male #1)
'$60. $75. Well..'

Hi, sheriff.

(male #1) 'This superb
Angora is sold for $75.'

'Alright, my friends,
how about..'

You are the sheriff?

What do you want?

Well, sheriff, I have
a rather delicate job for you.

I'm a victim
of fraud and perfidy

mayhem, kidnapping
and misappropriation of funds.

Well, supposin' you point out
the guilty party?

- Right over there.
- 'Sixty. Thank you, madam.'

(male #1)
'Sixty we have. Sixty one.'

'Sixty twice and sold to the
lady in the yellow bonnet.'

'We got just one more left,
folks.'

'This is the last cat.'

- 'It's a splendid specimen.
- Yes, he's a very fine cat.'

Kill anything
smaller than a coyote.

- That's right.
- Who hasn't got a cat?

'I'll have it. $50.'

Priscilla Colton bids $50.
Anybody else?

And five more to the little
lady who brung 'em here.

- Sold!
- Oh, thank you, Priscilla.

(male #1) 'Now, just let me
have one official word of thanks.'

As the mayor of our city,
to this little lady.

Oh, thank you, mayor.

[crowd applauding]

I'm sorry, folks.
There's no more cats.

There's no more
to auction today.

Howdy, Miss Blaine.

Anchor chains and may we clank,
remember?

Oh!

She must've took a spell.

She'll take anything
that wasn't nailed down.

Now, just a minute, stranger.
Who might you be?

I might be Bret Maverick

but to this little lady,
I'm Santa Claus.

Oh, stop him.

Oh, now, Lady Guinevere

you owe me and the round table
5000 dollars.

Who are you?

Plus expenses
from San Francisco.

Scratch, stop him.
He's trying to take our money.

Sheriff, this is the heartless
criminal I told you about.

'I put up the money
for this wagonload of cats.'

But I'm willin'
to drop the charges

for half the 10,000 dollars.

Ever seen this dude before,
Modesty?

No, I never did.

Oh, come on,
I have half the school kids

in Sacramento as witnesses.

But I'm not vindictive.
All I want is my share.

Your share?

Just happens, stranger,
that I put up the 500 dollars

this little lady took down
to Sacramento to buy cats.

- You?
- Of course he did.

Scratch, you take this money
and put it in your safe.

You lost his stake
at some faro table.

Go ahead and tell him.

And it also happens
that you got your hand

on a little lady
who is gonna become my wife.

Now you just climb on your
horse, mister, and get out...

Now, now, wait a minute.

I believe you're the real
authority here, Mr. Mayor?

Yes, yes, I am.

Mayor Uli Bemus.

Now, Scratch, I think...
Bemus, when you start thinkin'

folks better get out
of the way of fallin' rocks.

I said you're leavin' town,
you got two minutes

by a good watch.

Oh, but, sheriff, that's my...

You really wanna argue, mister?
You got a gun?

Well, Paradise lost.

Oh, Miss Blaine..

I've bought a lot of gifts
for a lot of lovely ladies

but never a trucial.

I'll be back.

[intense music]

You wouldn't be a Maverick,
name of Bret?

Faro Jack Norcross.

Never figured to see a Maverick
on the road to Paradise.

It's as rough
and rocky as they say.

Where was it last time?
Santa Fe? Vancouver?

Fort Union.

How is business lately?

Booming, Bret.

They don't hardly keep cool.

What you doin'
away from a card table?

Well, I got stopped
at the pearly gates.

Sheriff, didn't bother
to look me up in the book.

- He just threw it at me.
- Sheriff named Scratch Madden?

That's right. And you keep
your eye on him, Jack.

He's sort of smokey.

Oh, good grief.

- That's him. I gotta get goin'.
- Now, stay here, boy.

As my old pappy used to say

"A man who sticks his head in
the sand, makes a good target."

He won't spot us here.
I'll take our horses.

What do you mean,
"He won't spot us?"

This here Marble Orchard

is the one piece of
Paradise he's scared of.

How do you know?

I got a letter from
some bug named Bemus.

- Not Mayor Uli Bemus?
- Well, it just might be.

- A friend of yours?
- You're welcome to him.

He's meeting me right
after sundown with the money.

With the money for what?
I mean, for who?

Why, for the sheriff.
Old Scratch Madden.

That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

Now why would the mayor
wanna kill his own sheriff?

Scratch is getting
too tall for his braces.

Gunned the two citizens that
voted against him Election Day

'and nine men since.'

He's taking cash for
protection from the merchants.

Why, the mayor's
plumb scared of him.

Uh-oh! He's coming back.

Well, he's tracked
you down the trail.

Figured you're outta
the county by now.

Just tie your horses up here.
He won't spot us.

Why won't he spot us?

Now come on, Jack.
You know something that I don't.

He won't even look
in this direction.

He's skittish about
graveyards Beemer says.

And almost everything else
since that night in Deadwood

Bill Hicock got killed
holding aces and eights.

Aces and eights?
Dead man's hand?

It was the sheriff who first
named the dead man's hand.

It seems that old Scratch was
sitting in the same poker game

the same night when a black cat

jumped up on the table
before the smoke came.

[chuckles]

He's been the most
superstitious man

in the state ever since.

Yeah, well, I'm a little
superstitious myself.

How about a nice little game
of straight stud before sundown?

Oh, well..

There's a nice place
right over there.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Customer's coming.

[huffs]

Who's that with him?

That's the lady who's
skinned me in cats.

It's also the lady who's
gonna marry the sheriff.

Marry the sheriff?

Yeah. Don't you
turn your back on her.

I never do.
Ain't polite to a lady.

- You got a gun?
- Yeah, got the stubby here.

Well, cover me, huh?

Faro Jack Norcross is the name.

I'm Mayor Bemus. And this
is Miss... Miss Modesty Blaine.

- Pleased.
- How do you do?

[clears throat]

- Don't you have a card?
- I'm fresh out of them.

Business has been so good... I'm
bucked up through the summer.

Well, you chose
a good man, Modesty.

It was you who chose me?

Oh, yes, it was indeed.

You mean, your intended
and mine are the same fella?

How do you know about
me and the sheriff?

Well, a fella I met
going out of town.

- 'Named Maverick?'
- 'Hmm? Might've been.'

- 'Well, how far out of town?'
- 'Now, now, Modesty.'

(Bemus) 'This doesn't matter,
because you see, Mr. Norcross'

Miss Blaine decided
quite a long time ago

not to marry our sheriff.

And, uh... but, well, she

she didn't have
the heart to tell him.

Well, ain't that sweet.

Hmm.

Better to let him die happy.

Well, it, it is kinda
that way, isn't it?

'You see, Sheriff Madden has
been real ill-tempered lately.'

- Always shootin' at people.
- Indeed.

A real bad risk as a husband.

'Well, a girl just must
look towards peaceful days.'

Don't you think so,
Mr. Norcross?

Well, sure must, Miss Modesty.

A sweet little woman like you.

'I'm just proud to
lend a helping hand.'

Now, now, that, uh,
that settles everything.

I, uh, have your money, sir.

Well, no, no, no, Uli,
everything isn't settled.

- There's one more thing.
- What do you mean?

No, Uli, wait a minute.

You know that fella that you met
going outta town named Maverick?

- 'Yeah.'
- 'Oh, yes.'

(Modesty)
'Well, he rode into town today'

'with some absurd idea
that I owed him money.'

- 'He actually threatened me.'
- 'Yes.'

(Jack) 'Him? Ah! He
couldn't hurt nobody.'

Oh, well, of course, he could.

Well, you know, a girl
alone is, is so defenseless.

Well, Mr. Norcross,
if-if he comes back to town

'would it be imposing on
you too much to ask you to..'

(Jack)
'Take care of him?'

Well, at your regular
fee, of course.

Now, I-I just happened to have
brought with me $200 today.

- 'One, two..'
- 'Well, thank you, ma'am.'

(Jack)
'I'd be proud to oblige you.'

(Modesty) 'Mr. Maverick's
a real trustin' soul.'

'Quite sweet actually.'

Oh, I-I don't think
he'd give you any trouble.

Don't you worry about
a thing, Miss Modesty.

'He's as good as dead
and sung over.'

We'll-we'll see you back in town

just as soon as the smoke lifts.

Yes, sir, and it's
a pleasure to do business

with such lovely people.

Alright, come on, Modesty.

Jack.

Yeah.

Did I hear you makin'
a deal with that female to, uh

put a lily in my hand?

Got the money
right in my pocket.

Well, that's non-ethical, Jack.

Non what?

Fair and square, true blue..

To, you know, take money for
goods that you won't deliver.

Why won't I?

Because we're old friends.

Sure we are, but remember that
night in Dallas when we had...

Yeah, yeah, I remember.
But I'm thinking about tonight.

You really aim to earn that 200?

Well, I sure do.

A man's got to be practical.

'Gunning's my business.'

Well, poker's mine, but...

Don't tell me you wouldn't
take my last two dollars.

'Cause you done it
that night in Dallas.

'Remember?'

Yeah, that's right, I did.

A man in my line doesn't
know how long he's good for.

He's gotta get all
the work he can get

and not let sentiment interfere.

Now, you can understand
that, can't you?

I guess I'll have to.

But, Jack, uh, Modesty

if she doesn't know
that I never left town

and she doesn't see me

well, that's as good
as being dead, isn't it?

Well, since we're old friends

it would serve the same purpose.

But you gotta
promise not to show.

If you do, I gotta shoot.

Or else give her back her $200.

It's like you said,
it's not, uh, ethical.

Eh..

Don't you worry
about that, Jack.

I may be seeing her,
but she won't be seeing me.

So long, Jack.

[dramatic music]

Now that's what I
call a thinking man.

[intense music]

- Hey.
- Yes, sir?

Where is Scratch Madden?

- You must be...
- New in town. Yeah.

[intense music]

Obliged.

[music continues]

You ain't big enough to bluff.

That pair of deuces wouldn't get
an angel a free lunch in heaven.

'You just wastin'
a little woman's money.'

I'm buying chips, banker.

[intense music]

[music continues]

[dramatic music]

Thought there'd be more than
just cats on the prowl tonight.

Like, maybe a sly fox.

As my old pappy used to say,
"A fox isn't sly.

He just can't
think any slower."

Put it back, Maverick.

I've gone to a lot of
trouble for that money.

Modesty... don't you
think you'd sleep better

if you let me have my
share and leave town?

You won't need it
where you're going.

I've already arranged
for your departure.

Yeah, I know.

But just my original $1000

so that taxpayers
won't have to bury me.

Lock it up. I've got a man
waiting to buy me a drink.

Faro Jack?

He's a real old friend of mine.

An old friend?

Well, then, uh,
I've wasted my $200.

You never wasted
a dime in your life.

- He'll shoot.
- But a real old friend?

What kind of principles
does the man have?

Modesty, my dear young lady,
the same as yours.

Well, in that case, maybe we'd
better find Mr. Faro Jack.

Mister, them cards got a liking
for you that ain't normal.

You want to quit, sheriff?
Cash in?

One of us is like
to cash in before long.

Meaning?

Meaning you been dealing off

the top off the bottom
and off the in-between.

You see that, everybody?

There ain't room for
a crooked gambler in Paradise.

Take back his stakes, boys.

[jingling]

'You boys afraid of this
lead-pusher? Here's your money.'

Touch a dime of that money
and I'll put a hole through you.

You will, huh?

Well, just keep your hands
above the table and stand up.

My pleasure.

[intense music]

[gunshot]

[dramatic music]

Now, which one of you sick
this black blowhard on me?

Gimbel?

You're that underhanded
even for an undertaker.

Oh, not me, Scratch.
We're business partners.

(Modesty)
Scratch.

Here is your man.

You!

Paradise can be mighty hot too

for folks who don't
know how to take orders.

Modesty..

(Scratch)
'Draw, dude!'

Oh, now, wait a minute, sheriff.
I don't even have a gun.

Somebody give him an iron!

Uh, hold it, sheriff.

Don't you think we oughta
consider all the factors?

Faro Jack there, he's
the twelfth man you killed.

I'd be number 13.
It's a bad number.

Thirteen.

For you maybe.

Uh, bad for both of us.

'Uh, uh, and there's
something else.'

The hand that
Faro Jack dealt you..

A pair of eights
and a black ace.

Go ahead, sheriff.
Look at the hole card.

Go on, look.

'Aces and eights,
a dead man's hand.'

[intense music]

What Bill Hicock
held in Deadwood.

[music continues]

Maverick, how'd..

Where'd he go?

Where is he?

Vanished.

[dramatic music]

[intense music]

Maverick?

Maverick!

[music continues]

Friend, you calling me?

We haven't met,
Mr. Maverick.

I'm Floyd Gimbel,
the town undertaker.

What can I do for you?

Well, I wanted to
ask you a question.

How did you know what was in
Scratch's poker hand back there?

Well, I saw the pair of
eights and aces showing

and knowing Faro Jack never
leaves anything to chance

I just bet on the second ace.

[gasps]

Quick thinker.

Sure wish you could
help me, Mr. Maverick.

Well, always glad to oblige.

You want to measure me now?

Oh! I don't wanna
measure you out.

It's Scratch Madden.

You see, Scratch, he collects
10% protection money

from most of
the merchants in town.

I'd be glad to pay
him 10% to protect me.

Oh, yes, but because I'm
the undertaker and he sends me

so much business,
I have to pay him 25.

He's got a point there, Gimbel.

[footsteps approaching]

Who's that?

[intense music]

Heavy traffic tonight.

Oh, sooner or later you see
everybody you know out here.

Hey, look.

[instrumental music]

Modesty and the mayor?

Why, everybody knows
they've been schmoozing.

Everybody in town
except Scratch Madden.

Except Scratch?

Yeah.

Maybe I can help you with your
problem after all, Mr. Gimbel.

You run into town and tell
the sheriff to come out here.

Oh, he won't come
through that gate.

Not through the gate.
He can stay outside the fence.

Just tell him what Modesty
and the mayor are up to

he'll come running.

Oh, but I-I-I Don't
gabble, Gimbel, get him.

You better know what
you're talking about.

I had two pairs in that hand
just now and it was both kings.

Oh, Uli, I don't
know what to say.

And I don't know what to do.

[crickets chirping]

Marry me, Modesty.

I'll provide for you.
And I'll cherish you.

For better or for worse.
In-in sickness and in health.

Till death do us part.

Yes, but that'll be
almost immediately.

Scratch will kill you sure.

Mmm, I boosted
Scratch Madden into office

and I'll boot him out.
I ain't scared.

(Scratch)
'Modesty Blaine!'

[intense music]

Modesty!

(Scratch)
You get away from that windbag!

[gunshot]

Scratch! Please don't shoot.

Then you rattle your
hocks outta there!

[instrumental music]

[gasps]

Who's that?
Oh, oh, Maverick.

I thought you
weren't scared of him.

So there are more people here

than there are
left back in town.

In a manner of speaking, yes.

[instrumental music]

What's he doing?

Right now, Mr. Mayor,
he's kissing your girl.

He's kissing my-my girl?

- You alright, honey?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, but I was so shocked.

I don't know what
that man had in mind.

Sweet little woman
like you wouldn't know.

Let's not think of it.

Bemus!

'You'll have to come
outta there at some time!'

And when you do, there'll
be a gun waiting for you.

Welcome to the club, mayor.

[crickets chirping]

[clopping]

Maverick.

Uh, what will I do now?

I can't stay here
the rest of my life.

No, but you can't run either.

If you did, they'd laugh you
outta every town you came to.

Mayor... you're just gonna
have to face up to Scratch.

Me?

I'm so slow with a gun,
my reflection in the mirror

will beat me to the drawer.

- Better death than dishonor.
- Why?

"Why?"

I'm not quite sure.

- I fetched Scratch.
- You?

But it didn't do any good.

On the way out, he told
me he gets 30% off Bemus.

Now, look, what-what
does he want here?

Well, he's sort of the landlord.

I figured your
plan wouldn't work.

Plan? What... what plan is it?

Well, Mayor Bemus,
I had plans for the two of us.

It might work, it might not.

But what have we got to lose?
Scratch will shoot us anyway.

What have you got to lose?

Would you shut up!
You can't lose.

Uli, you, uh, you
just stay right here.

I'll be back in
about a half hour.

I just don't understand it.

I tried in the best way I know
how to raise a town proper.

And what happens?

I end up hiding in a cemetery.

With an undertaker.

(Bret) 'Here, kitty, kitty,
kitty. Come on, kitty.'

'Here, kitty, kitty.
Yeah, nice, kitty.'

Come on.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

[cats meowing]

Come on, kitty. Come on,
kitty, kitty, kitty.

'That's a nice kitty. Come on,
kitty, kitty. Here we go.'

[dramatic music]

[snoring]

[caterwauling]

What's that?

[meowing]

(Bret)
'Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.'

Come on, kitty, kitty.
Come on. Come on.

Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Come on, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.

What are them cats doing there?

- Why ain't they at work?
- Oh, they'll be workin' soon.

There, Gimbel, take off my boot.

- Bemus, you get the other one.
- What for?

- To shine it.
- Shine it? But I'm the mayor!

I don't go around shining shoes.

The only thing you're mayor
of right now is Boot Hill.

'If I'm gonna die
with mine on tomorrow'

I want 'em nice and shiny.

I want you to mix
plenty of catnip

and smoked fish with the polish.

- What polish?
- This polish. Right here.

- 'I got a can of cold water.'
- What's that for?

Old grannies say that
cats are really witches.

So while you're polishing boots,
me and the cats will mix up

a little mess of bad luck
for old Scratch.

And tomorrow morning, you're
gonna add your share, Mr. Bemus.

The boot.

[instrumental music]

[meows]

[intense music]

Well, look who's come back
to the land of the livin'.

What are you doing at my desk?

I'm takin' over.

I figured you'd be
nearin' Mexico by now.

You're fired.

- You been drinkin'?
- You heard me.

Best thing you can do
is get outta Paradise

and the best time
to do it is right now.

Now you heard me!

I've taken over this town.

Mr. Mayor, you were
fired an hour ago.

That makes us both
private citizens.

Alright, Madden..

Step out in the street.

- 'We-we'll settle this.'
- What?

You heard, you heard me.

Alright, let's get going.
What are we waiting for?

I never pass up a turkey shoot.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

Where you going, Uli boy?

Anytime, Uli.

Good morning, gentlemen.

'Am I interrupting something?'

- Stay out of this, Maverick.
- Out of what?

You're aiming a cross fire at
me, you go down first, mister.

I can still kill Bemus
before he can draw.

Why, I'm a peaceful man,
sheriff. Not even armed.

All I'm trying to do
is cross the street.

Hold your fire, sheriff.
That's his constitutional right.

Just taking my friends
out for an airing.

[meowing]

Count 'em.
Thirteen black cats, sheriff.

[meowing continues]

[gunshot]

[gunshots]

[gunshot]

[woman screams]

Uli done it, boys! Uli done it!

[indistinct chattering]

That's straight out of Paradise.

Hey, what are you doing up here?
Now, go away.

Go chase a rat or somethin'.

You won't nothing in there,
but a nickel, Mr. Maverick.

What are you doin' in here?

Just waiting for
the smoke to settle.

Who tidied up?

Modesty Blaine.

Oh, they was her cats
and it was her money.

Oh, how long ago?
You know which way she went?

Two hours. She went South and
took the fastest horse in town.

I'll bet she did.

She's quite a traveller.

She's a sweet little lady.

She'll always be
welcome in Paradise.

[instrumental music]

Sure you don't wanna try to get
your money back, Mr. Gibbon?

No chance, Mr. Maverick. 'Cause
it sure is your lucky night.

Yeah, I guess it is.

It was.

Again?

Why, Bret Maverick.

Don't tell me you
lost all the cat money.

That's right.
It was stolen.

- By two men?
- Oh, Bret, please.

I really am desperate this time.

I was going to San Francisco
for some brides.

The tabbies for
the toms in Paradise?

No, silly, real ladies.

Coming down through
the gold camps

I met so many lonely miners.

They paid $500 for a wife.

Well, that's chicken feed
for a girl like you.

There's a shipment of brides
due into San Francisco

tomorrow from the East.
I was gonna use my cat money.

Our cat money.

To feed and transport
a hundred of them

back to the mother lode country.

- A hundred?
- 'Mm-hmm.'

- That's $50,000.
- That's right.

Well, you blame me
for wanting to jump?

No, no, go right ahead and jump.

All the suckers are down there
in the river. None up here.

[splashes]

[Modesty screams]

Oh, no.

[splashes]

Oh, Bret, I've really
never met a man like you.

Not even in books?

Knights in armor
would have sunk there.

No, I'm serious, Bret.

You weren't thinking
about yourself

when you went in after me.

No, I was thinking about
a hundred brides and $50,000.

Not about me?

Just a little?

Well, maybe just a little.

As my old pappy used to say,
"You can be a gentleman

and still not forget all
you know about self defense."

[cat meowing]

♪ Who is the tall
dark stranger there ♪

♪ Maverick is the name ♪

♪ Ridin' the trail
to who knows where ♪

♪ Luck is his companion ♪

♪ Gamblin' is his game ♪

♪ Smooth as the handle
on a gun ♪

♪ Maverick is the name ♪

♪ Wild as the wind in Oregon ♪

♪ Blowin' up a canyon ♪

♪ Easier to tame ♪

♪ Riverboat, ring your bell ♪

♪ Fare thee well, Annabel ♪

♪ Luck is the lady
that he loves the best ♪

♪ Natchez to New Orleans ♪

♪ Livin' on jacks and queens ♪

♪ Maverick is a legend
of the West ♪

♪ Riverboat, ring your bell ♪

♪ Fare thee well, Annabel ♪

♪ Luck is the lady
that he loves the best ♪

♪ Natchez to New Orleans ♪

♪ Livin' on jacks and queens ♪

♪ Maverick is
a legend of the West ♪

♪ Maverick is
a legend of the West ♪♪