All language subtitles for psych.s08e02.1080p.bluray.x264-stories

Previously on Psych...

So, the Mayor's decided
to send over a consultant.

Mr. Harris Trout.

I intend to save the
taxpayers millions of dollars,

by trimming the workforce into a
new model of precision and efficiency.

Chief?

I got a six-month suspension.

But I have news
for all of you...

I'm staying, and you know why?

Because you're the new
interim Chief of Police.

Correct!

We'll no longer
be hiring psychics,

and you're no longer
head detective.

I love you.

I love you too.

Now, as your new
interim police chief

I will guide you
through this raid today,

as we rid our city of another
one of its drug-dealing washouts!

Where's my head detective?

Right here, sir.

I said, my head detective.

When I ask for a
freshly demoted beat cop

I'll expect you front
and center, capisce?

Now loosen those blues.

Nobody needs to see you advertising your
business to the whole community like that.

Now, one more time,
where's my head detective?

Uh... That's...

That's me. I'm here.

Okay. Detective O'Hara?

Now that you've been promoted
to interim head detective,

on rare occasions,
I'll be depending on you.

This is not one
of those occasions.

Now, in six minutes

we're gonna be moving inside
in two by two formations.

Yes, Gus, that's the point.

We need a new business venture.

Which means, I will be
the motivational life coach,

you'll be my booking agent
and audience plant.

You don two hats. I don't
want to don two hats, Shawn.

Beret up front, you got
a little beanie on the crown

of your smooth
chocolate thunder-dome!

You can't just become a life
coach without life or coaching skills.

I got one of those words with
the dots in-between the letters,

encapsulates my philosophy.

It's called an acronym.

S-E-I-Z-E, that's seize. Or
as the Mayans called it, seize.

You do realize the letters are
supposed to stand for something, right?

- Guess what the "s" in seize stands for?
- What?

"Seize."
You're an idiot.

We need to figure out a way to get on
the case fast before Psych goes under.

Trout hates us.

And right now, we're not
supposed to step foot in the station,

much less a crime scene.

Your new legal name
is Recap McGee.

Now, the perp inside
that house is a very dangerous perp.

A lappet-faced vulture,
a red necked ostrich,

either way, in the
analogy, it's molting.

Gotta figure out a way
past these barricades, man.

I need a stage on which to display
my skills in front of sour Trout there.

Let's go to dinner. You
don't have to ask me twice.

Hey, you.

Yeah, you.

I'm Shawn Spencer.

This is my partner,
Trending on Twitter.

Hashtag, what would Gus do?

Couldn't help but
notice the roses.

Yeah, it's my anniversary.

Super! Well, you don't
have to ask us once.

We would love to join you and your
lovely wife for a six course dinner.

Well, they're not
letting anyone pass, so...

Oh, no? Sounds like
somebody need to step up...

And seize.

"How do I seize, Shawn?"
I'll tell ya.

You go right over there
and you let that jag-bag know

there's absolutely nothing,
and I mean nothing,

that is gonna keep you from
wining and dining your wife

and your new black
and white best friends.

'Cause after we leave,
she's gonna get handsy.

Yes, she is!

I don't know you.

No impending raid,
no guns, no cops,

nothing's gonna stop you!
Now, go!

Seize!

Seize!

Seize.
Yeah.

You got this, bro, you got this.

All right, listen up...

We're gonna have to
move in from east to west.

Some of you may not know which
way is east and which way is west.

That's okay.
That's west, that's east.

Excuse me, officer?

Seize! Seize! Seize!
Stop it!

Uh, listen, I...

My house is right there and
it's my anniversary and...

And we're with him,
Trout. Old friends.

Officer Lassiter, arrest this man for
interfering with a police investigation.

Kidding, we're not with this
dude. We just met the guy.

No.

I was just trying
to get to my house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'll be processed and
released within the hour.

Well, maybe.

There's a good chance that
one of you might die today...

Probably you, could be you.

Maybe you, but we don't know.

Oh, it's go time, daddy-o.

Okay, is everyone
crystal clear now? Yes, sir.

Okay, let's move.
Let's move, come on.

Uh, Chief?
Yeah.

I think we can
call off the raid.

I've called you all down here
for a good reason.

The raid that took place
here a couple of days ago,

is a prime example of what I'm
calling, "The new Santa Barbara."

A city being
swept clean of vermin,

yellow-bellied weasels,
black-footed ferrets.

And the heroics that took
place here are something

that should not
and will not go unnoticed.

An unnamed officer successfully
apprehended our suspect

without a single shot
being fired.

That is the new SBPD.

No names, no faces.

Men and three women,
serving their city

and being led
and nurtured by me,

Harris Trout.

You know, it was the late
and under appreciated

Millard Fillmore
who once said...

Stay down!

I got you, boss.

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

All right, listen up.

Your new Chief
almost got killed today.

I want everyone here to think

about the impact of my death.

Just for a minute.

Let it marinate.

Swish it around in the empty
space between your ears.

It's measurably devastating,
isn't it?

Now, let's catch this
bastard. Let's catch him fast.

I'm gonna hand the floor
over to Detective O'Hara.

Today's her first briefing.

Try not to make this the most
humiliating day of your life.

Okay?

Take it away.

You know what,
can everybody come in a little closer?

Yeah. Yeah, that's good.
Thank you.

So we have an APB out
on all late model white vans.

Dude, if Trout sees
us inside here,

he's probable gonna
have us arrested.

Gus, don't be
the 100th luftballon.

We both know that yo use and
mese have hit rock-bottom, okay?

Psych hasn't had a case
in what feels like a year.

Your sales last month at Central
Coast stunk up the whole frickin' city.

Whole city smelled like poo
because of your fusty...

I get it, Shawn.
Okay, good.

Because the life
coaching business

is not gonna take off until
we have our first client.

Come on, son.

You need to tighten it up.

Tip top, we don't stop.

Spencer and Guster knockin'
boots around the clock.

Dude, that last part was weird.

It was mad weird.
Super weird.

Now...

You ready to do this?
No... What?

I'm proud of you.

And I see somebody who
could use a little coaching.

Hey, Lassie.

Couldn't help but notice that
your career is in the latrine.

Lucky for you I'm here to
help you flush and start it over.

Get away from me, Spencer,

or I will pierce your lower
intestine with a safety pin.

All right, just hear me out.

I know that Trout there has been turning
a blind eye to your heroics of late.

You wanna know why?

Because while you have
been acting quite heroically,

you have not been speaking up.

And we all know that words
are much louder than actions.

What?

Lassie, a brilliant mind perched
under a thick, beaverish thatch of hair

has crafted techniques at will
to put your career back on track.

Techniques rooted
in old English.

The kind of English
that's taught in schools.

And of course, in England.

You're losing him, Shawn.
Seize.

S-E-I-Z-E.

As in, seize this moment.

Besides, nobody can hear a
word Jules is saying anyway.

'Cause she feels Guilty
Baggins about taking your gig.

So, let the stern
bush breathe. Be heard.

Seize!

We have
no description of the shooter.

Uh, but the good news is...

The good news is that I am back.

But as those of you who witnessed
today's heroics already know,

I was never really gone.

Now, some of you might be under the
impression that my middle name is Danger.

It is not.
It's Jebediah.

Ooh, rough start.

But it should be Danger.

Because some low-life
assassin wannabe

thinks they can take a shot at
one of us and get away with it?

Well, not while I've got a pulse under
my performance zone male Spanx.

Now, I may be required to write no
less than 80 traffic citations this month,

but I will not rest

until the miscreant who took
a shot at our chief is caught.

He's on a roll now.

Jebediah?
That can't be right.

Now, you mark my words,
and you mark them well.

I, Carlton Jebediah Lassiter,

will go out in
a hailstorm of bullets

if that's what it takes
to catch this scumbag!

I will leave this
perfectly flawed planet...

My body littered with lead,

my heart bleeding blue upon the
asphalt of the city I love so much.

Because this is my house!

And with every fearless fiber
of my being, I say unto you...

This scumbag is going down.

Seized.

Smoochie-pie, I have got news!

Oh, really? Well,
I've got good news too.

I had another big day, baby.

Oh, did Trout give you
your old job back?

No. But I can almost
guarantee that it is under review.

Review?
Well, that's good, right?

Good? No. Great? Yes!

And I almost got
killed today, kitten-head.

And I told my colleagues and
that stubborn ass clown, Trout,

in no uncertain terms that I
am back and better than ever.

Gave 'em the speech, huh?

Oh, I gave them
the speech, all right.

With or without the middle name?

With!

Uh, would you like
to hear my news?

You should've seen their faces!

As I built up
to the part where...

You die in
a firestorm of bullets.

Hailstorm.
A hailstorm of bullets.

Yeah.

I'm pregnant.

A dozen actually
asked for my autograph afterwards.

Of course, I declined.

And Trout, well...

Pregnant pregnant?

This is unit 404-niner, I need a
wants and warrants on a white minivan.

2007.

2-Willco-Queen-Ivan-3-3-2.
Over.

Another one?

Yes, Franny, another one.

That's like the fourth
white van in the last hour.

It's called being
thorough, Franny.

Now, give me
the wants and warrants.

It's the tone in your
voice. That is my issue.

Just run the plates.

You hurt my feelings.

You treat me like a voice
and not a person.

And that's not right...

Hey!

I give and I give and I give...

Franny? I need backup.

Really?
Yes, really!

I work in the third most
dangerous business on the planet!

Hey, take a deep breath, okay?
I forgive you and I got you.

Okay, we got two black
and whites on the way.

Talk to me.
What have we got?

Not sure yet.
Suspects armed?

Don't have eyes yet, but
better safe than sorry, right?

Carlton, are you okay?

You hear that? That
noise coming from the van?

You hear that?
You hear that, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think
I know who that is.

Are they dangerous?

Yeah, that's King Candy
from Wreck-It Ralph.

Sounds like they're
watching an animated movie.

Oh, okay.

Hey, we cleared
another white van, right?

Can I take my kids
to school now or what?

You bet!

You said you wish to die in a
hurricane of bullets, correct?

Hailstorm.

The madman that tried to
assassinate me is a rare bird, okay?

He's a forest owlet,
possibly a Kakapo.

This soulless creature
tried to kill me.

Which means, he will undoubtedly
take you apart, shoot the Spanx,

with little or no hesitation.
Which is great for everyone.

So, you bag him. Hopefully he
empties his weapon right into you.

Everybody wins, right?

Now, if you pull this off
and you don't die,

perhaps I'll re-review
your file, okay?

Unlikely, but you never know.

Okay, so, uh...

Go get 'em.

Gus, Runaway Train
was like 30 years ago.

And nobody saw
Crash: The Series.

Next... Shawn, my mom
does not need a life coach.

Okay.

We both know she's playing
the underground poker circuit.

She goes all in with pocket
ducks and loses her stacks to...

I don't know, Ronin the
Crippler...

Lassie?

What're you doing here?
Change of heart, huh?

Ready to "seize" the day?

Because I happen to have
an opening in my schedule.

No, you twit.

I need you two dodos to help me
find the guy who's trying to shoot Trout.

Why're you comin' to us?
Because, um...

My situation has
recently changed

and I am no longer
physically capable

of pursuing this case on my own,

and I would just like to
leave it at that please.

Sure.

How has your sitch changed?
Not physically capable, how?

Changed in what way?
Not physically capable, why?

Will you stop it? Are you
gonna help me or not?

Come on, guys!

We're in, but...

We need to get paid.

Fine.

But just so you know, I took a
43% pay cut when I got demoted...

- And I can only afford...
- We'll take it.

Now...

Do we have any info on who might
want to kill Trout besides all of us?

I can't believe...

Can't believe Trout made a whole
scrapbook out of his death threats.

Is it just me or did he put some
serious time into this project?

He did. It's impressive.
And weird.

Life insurance? Hey,
Lassie, I think you...

Thank you.

Lassie, you okay?

Seriously, man,
you seem a little blue.

Are you getting anything or not?

Whoa! Come on, man!
The pressure!

I'm the CEO of
two major companies,

and a fantasy cricket team.

Which reminds me, I gotta drop
Sachin Tendulkar from my squad.

I mean, sure the man
bowls a wicked googly...

But the wickets. Yeah,
wickets are way down this season.

Okay, I've zeroed in on
our number one suspect.

And this one's a doozy.

A dangerous doozy?
You betcha.

Okay.

We got our shooter.

Shawn, are you gonna finally
tell us who we've been following?

I told you, Gus, it's a
grown man's surprise.

Now, wait for it...

Well, whoever he is, I sure
as hell hope he's not armed.

Really?

That's a .38!
He's got a .38!

Isn't it the same caliber
gun the shooter used?

Okay, good news,
we've got our shooter.

Bad news...

Lassie gets to tell Trout that his
mom is the one who tried to kill him.

Hold it right there,
Trout's mom!

Hold it yourself,
ham-head! Ham-head?

Ma'am, I'm gonna need
to ask you to place

the weapon you've got hidden
in your waistband on the ground.

Don't be looking at my utes.

What?

Thank you.

Now, Mrs. Trout, we need to ask you
some questions about your son, Harris.

I'll give each of you 20 bucks,

to talk about anything
other than my jerk-weed son.

That's a great deal...
Hey!

Trout's mom,

is it true that you send
a threatening letter

to your son every year
on his birthday?

Yes. My relationship
with Harris is complicated.

He resents me because I
left his dad for the pool guy.

Azúcar de la Punto.

"Sugar..."

And I resent him
for his personality.

Now, I love my son,
but I hate his insides.

And could I give you
25 bucks each,

just to tell me
what this is about?

She's not gonna keep this
deal on the table forever.

I gotta...
Stop it!

Mrs. Trout,
what's going on, ma'am,

is that someone tried to kill your
son with a .38 very much like that one.

Several shots were
fired. Did they hit him?

No, but...

Don't you mean, "Did
I hit him?" No, I don't!

And you know why? Because
I wouldn't have missed!

Hey! Hey!
Take a powder!

What's wrong with you?

How do I tell Trout his mom
is in interrogation room one?

Well, Lassie...

I'm so glad you asked that.

Because right now
is the perfect opportunity

for you to utilize the
second letter in S.E.I.Z.E...

Will you stop it? ...which
of course stands for "eggs."

As in, you gotta break a few
in order to make an omelet,

or pancakes, or muffin
tops, or dijonnaise,

'cause there's eggs in
everything. Am I right, Gus?

No. This is a
delicate situation.

But the best thing you can do
right now is march into Trout's office,

look him in the eyes
and say, "Hey, sour Trout...

"I ain't afraid
to crack no eggs."

God!

You do realize that Lassie's
probably gonna get fired, right?

Yeah, but we might get paid...

Oh, God!

Excuse me, Chief.

Lassiter.

Does this look like
a good time to you?

I'm not entirely sure
what it looks like, sir.

The eyes are delicate!

Mysterious figs.

A complicated combination
of aqueous humor fluid

and ganglion
photo-sensitive cells.

Now, were I to lose my sight...

12% chance.

My blind exercises perfectly prepare
me for my new pitch-black world.

Absolutely, sir.
My apologies.

Now, what else could
you possibly need?

Well, sir, I just came in
to inform you that...

Nevermind.

Eggs!

Eggs!
No, I'm not going to...

Eggs!

Chief, your mother is in
interrogation room one

and I think she may be the
person who tried to shoot you dead.

I want first crack at her.

Did you do it or not?
Tell me!

I am a stabber, not a
shooter, you know that.

I hope Dad's in heaven
right now watching.

The devil is making s'mores
with his spongy brain!

See, I knew you never loved Dad!

Nobody ever loved that SOB.

He supported all
my creative desires!

Well, he supported his
empty head on his triple chin!

He had a thyroid problem, Mom.

You were right.
Ballistics is running Trout's mom's .38

to see if it's the one
used in the shooting.

Looks like this case is over.

All I ever
wanted to do was dance!

Oh, you and Ginger Rogers.

We got a report of shots fired at a
coffee shop called Javva the Cupp.

Witnesses say they saw
a white van driving away.

Wait a second. That means
Trout's mom is not our shooter.

No. No!

I'm disappointed, is all. Hmm.

We've got one injured
on the way to the hospital.

I'm heading there now
to interview the victim.

Carlton, would you please
come with me?

I could really use
your help on this case.

Maybe we should come too.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Okay, just don't
tell what's-his-face.

Azúcar was a
terrible pool guy and a thief!

He knew a dozen ways
to fight algae.

Oh, my God! I don't
want to think about that!

So, um...

How do I tell Trout that his
mom is actually innocent,

and that the person who tried to kill
him is still out there running rampant?

Well, Lassie, I'm so glad you chose
this moment to make that inquiry.

- What you need to focus on is the "I" in S.E.I.Z.E.
- Shawn...

...which of course stands for,
"I don't know." Oh, my gosh.

Or... Hmm?

Because sometimes,
believe it or not, Lassie,

it's super sweet to not know.

Oh, God!

Vance, did you get a
good look at the shooter?

No. But I profiled him.

Unemployed, dumpy, single,
5'10" and under.

The King Kong of losers.

Oh, come on!
What is this?

Hey, nurse!

Chewbacca-chino from
Javva the Cupp on the fly,

or I'm going to sue this hell-hole
for botching my bandages.

And hurry up. I got a full
bedpan with your name on it.

Look, are we about done here?

I mean, I realize you're all public
servants with low paying jobs to do,

but V-Mac's got calls to bang,
peeps to see, lives to ruin.

Well, V-Mac, dope handle,

the possibility remains that the attempt
on your life was not completely random.

Do you by chance know a
man named Harris Trout?

It's a stupid name. No.

Do you know anyone
who may want you dead?

My wife, my main mistress...

Oh, my mistress'
smokin' hot sister,

their dads, all the
guys who work for me.

A lot of their
wives and sisters.

Okay, I think we're done
here. Right, Carlton?

Carlton?

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a second you guys.

I think there is a connection
between V-Mac here and Trout.

Our killer is targeting A-holes.

Think about it. He's cleaning
up the city one A-hole at a time.

He's whacking A-holes.

Either that or he wants to be
the G Poo-Bah of all the A-holes.

Either way, I gotta
make a phone call.

I know someone
who's in grave danger.

Listen to me.

There is a crazy person
on the loose.

He's targeting your kind.

Yeah, what kind is that, Shawn?

That's not important, okay?
What's important is...

Shawn, is this
some kind of joke?

Am I really in danger?

Shawn? Are you
still there? I'm serious.

Just stay alive.

"Dear son, even though we
have never met, don't be sad..."

All right, here's the deal.

Just got off the horn
with Vance McMillan,

the gentleman who was
attacked earlier today?

First of all, the guy's a gem.

Feel like I've known him
my whole life,

golf trip in the works,
you betcha.

Second of all, the personal
items that we booked

into evidence from his
sweet yellow Corvette,

those need returning, all right?

Well, is he going to
come by the station or...

Hey, the man has
a business to run, okay?

You're sitting here wasting city stationary
on a letter to your imaginary friend,

Raul the hairless wolf,
who lives in your pantry!

Yeah, so V-Mac's in his office,

he'll be looking out
for you, all right?

So, you're Trout's
errand boy now?

No, you will get over this,
Carlton Jebediah!

You will get your head
back in the game.

And you'll get back
to dodging bullets!

Don't be a white van.
Don't be a white van.

Be taupe or off-white or beige.

Off-white, that's the one.

Okay. Okay,
you can do this.

No, you can't.

Okay, listen to me. I really want to
be there for you, little buddy, but...

I'm kind of in
a little pickle right now

and I can really
use your help, so...

Tell me what to do.

Tell me...

Okay.

Speaking of which...

I also have a S.E.I.Z.E. appointment
at 9:00 a.m. with your mother.

Did she admit
that she needs help?

She admitted all sorts of
things. Things like what?

What's the good word, Lassie?

Is that the white van?

That means Trout's shooting and
V-Mac's shooting are definitely not random.

This ruthless psychopath has
come back to finish off Vance.

That means Trout is still in
danger. We should warn him!

Should we really though?

All right, Lassie,
let's do this like men!

Okay.

Lassie, what are you
doing? Get over here!

You guys go. Here.

What? Man, I'm not
taking your gun.

Just take it, Guster!
Hell no!

Spencer, take my gun.
I'm not taking...

You need to
gather yourself, man!

I don't know what
is going on with you,

but you need to grab hold of the fourth
letter in S.E.I.Z.E., which is the "I".

- It's the Z.
- Which stands for zebra!

You need to
embrace your stripes.

Because they are black and they
are white and they are zig-zaggy.

They're not zig-zaggy!
Who are you, man?

You are Carlton, skip
the middle name, Lassiter,

and you need to stone up and
you need to tickle the stones

and you need to seize the day!

My stripes have changed,
all right?

Here, take it! Take my gun!
Oh, my gosh!

Keep an eye
on the van, all right?

Make sure nobody comes out.
We'll look.

No...
God!

Dude...

I think this whole
"demotion to beat cop" thing

is really jacking
with Lassie's head.

Not to mention sucking
all the life right out of him.

Yeah.

My situation has changed,

and I'm not physically capable
of pursuing this case on my own.

Gus!
What?

I think I know what's
wrong with Lassie.

What?
I think he's dying.

What? Don't be ridiculous,
Shawn. Come on, son.

Think about
the last 24 hours, man.

Think about what
we just saw outside.

The man can barely move
his disease-ridden body,

right on the cusp of
throwing in the towel of life.

Oh, my gosh!

Lassie's dying!

Oh, no, what is that?
Why are you doing that?

What is that?

I'm trying to shed tears
for Lassie.

They won't come
and I feel ashamed.

Don't do that.
Stop that.

Maybe we can
give him one more gift.

You know, before he's worm food.

Help him solve this case,
gets promoted back to detective.

Have a little peace before
they lower him into the ground.

Lassie.
I couldn't get him.

It's all right.
We understand.

Is Vance okay?

V-Mac is not okay.

So, you had the drop
on our bad guy,

and somehow with
him dead to rights,

you let him get away?

Look at me when
I'm talking to you!

What happened to your
fearless desire to die, Officer?

It's totally still there.
Oh, it better be!

Otherwise what good are you for?

Lucky for you,
the time of death on Vance

was placed
at 7:30 p.m., right?

So, while your incompetence
cost us our killer,

there was no way
to save poor Vance.

Because his valuable life
was gone before you got there!

Not only did this city lose
one of its finest citizens tonight,

but Vance McMillan was a man

that I was on the verge
of calling "home skillet."

And to make matters worse,
I'm in grave danger, right?

Who do you think this
madman's coming for next?

Oh, don't shrug
like you don't know!

I want you to hand over your
ticket book and pen right now!

The other pen, too.

Lassie.

The man's perishing, Gus.
He's a parisher.

That's something
different, Shawn. Hmm?

Hey, guys.

We traced the white van
back to a Tony Delphin.

We just searched his home, the neighbors
haven't seen him in a couple of days.

Maybe that's because
he has been on a rampage.

Still not sure how he's linked
to Trout and Vance McMillan.

So, I'm gonna head down to the
fish market where he works security

and see what else
we can find out.

So, maybe a little
bit of bacon? Hmm?

Okay.

But we never had
this conversation.

Gonna ask Lassie
to come again as well.

He just looks so sad.

I just think if he could
help solve this case,

he'd get in Trout's good graces
and back to his old self, you know?

All right, look Jules. I'm
not sure how to tell you this.

Lassie is dying.

He's what?

It's terminal.

Why would you say that?

Just think about
the last couple of days.

Oh, sure he's been acting weird,

but that doesn't
mean he's dying.

I'm telling you, bunny face,
this is the end.

Six, maybe eight weeks tops.

Don't cry.
Please, don't cry.

Oh, no, he's dying.

What do we do?
What is it?

Not entirely sure, we checked
his pockets for quarters...

And his head for temperature.

We did rule out a Pac-Man fever.

Shawn, this is serious.
I know.

I can't deal with death.
Look, humor and Atari.

Best medicines for situations
like this, Jules, that's just science.

He took my ticket book
and my pens.

Yes, both pens.

Because that's what they
give you, smoochie-pants.

They give you six to
eight weeks' severance.

I don't know, maybe
this is all for the best.

I'll call you back.

Hi.

Hey, I'm heading down to the fish
market where our suspect works.

You wanna come?

Just help get your mind
off things for a little while.

Yeah, think it'll be good.

Gus, I can tell ya, your mom
was pretty much an open book,

at our session this morning.

What do you mean "open book"?

Oh, that's coach-client
privilege.

Oh, God.

Oh, Carlton.

You know, don't you?

Heckle and Jeckle know too?

Yeah.

Try not to let it spread
on the station, okay?

Okay.

Okay, Frank, what can you
tell us about Tony Delphin.

Worked the guard gate.

He was a top shelf D-bag.

Yeah, but you haven't seen him
around for a long time, right? Hopefully.

No, he hasn't shown up for
work the last couple of days.

Sweet.

Bob, this part is important.
This part is serious.

You have wood in your beard.

The last "E" in S.E.I.Z.E.
stands for "eighties"

and that pertains to you,
in a huge way.

Because I'm talking about
the 1980s.

The greatest decade of all time.

Fashion, republicans.
Apollonian. Vanity.

So the next time you're
looking around this stink farm

and you're thinking to
yourself, "My beard is delicious,

"but my life is horrible,"

I want you to go into the abscesses
of your mind and think about the '80s.

'Cause you know
what you're gonna find?

You're gonna find
hot dog on a stick.

Hot dog on a stick, man.

We traced the white van
to a Tony Delphin.

My gut is telling me we
need to check the fish guts.

I don't think
Tony Delphin is our man.

And there is officially a ruthless
killer on the loose, you guys.

No!

Okay, so we're almost positive our
victims weren't chosen at random,

but we can't seem to
connect them in any way.

Ah, that's not true, Jules.

We got confirmation that
Tony Delphin is also an A-hole.

Which means our theory about
the killer knocking off A-holes,

or aspiring to be the
Grand Poo-Bah of A-holes

is still alive.
Very much so.

The only thing we know for
sure is that our suspect killed Tony

stole his van and has been driving
that vehicle for the last few days.

But they won't let anyone
pass and it's my anniversary.

Chewbacca-chino from
Javva the Cupp on the fly.

I know who our killer is.

I even know where he lives.

Back where it all began.

Suspect's name
is Patrick Abbershaw.

His wife's inside, hasn't
seen her husband for two days.

Let's do this. Shouldn't
we wait for Lassie?

Is the suspect inside?

No, Carlton.
Just his wife.

You sure?
Pretty sure, yeah.

Like I said,
I kicked Patrick out

a couple of days after he
missed our anniversary dinner.

He tried to make up
this tall tale about

being arrested for
sticking up for himself.

But there's no way that's true.

Marie, I'm sensing that
Patrick had a serious problem

with one of the other
patrons at Javva the Cupp?

Yes, he did.

This rich jerk would
always cut in front of him

to order his Chewbacca-chino.

And did your husband
have any issues with Tony?

The guard who worked
the gate at the fish market?

Yeah, Tony was a real D-bag.

He'd always make Patrick park in the
guest lot for not having his ID badge.

Even though he's
worked there for 10 years.

Between Tony and that
jerk-ass at the coffee place,

Patrick was
always late for work.

And then, finally, a few
days ago, he got fired.

I couldn't take it anymore.

Patrick just refused
to stick up for himself.

I can't be married to and
have kids with someone

who is scared of his own shadow.

What did you just say?

I said, "I can't be
married to and have kids

"with someone who is
scared of his own shadow."

Excuse me.

It's okay.
He's dying.

Marie, we have reason to believe

that Patrick may have killed
the jerk at the coffee shop,

Tony, and attempted to
kill our current police chief.

What? Why?

Uh, because they ruined
his life, in a nutshell.

Then your boy went all Mikey
Douglas from Falling Down,

which I saw again
recently, by the way.

Hair was a bold choice,
no way around that.

Between that and
Ghost and the Darkness.

It's like he went temporarily...

You can do this, Carlton.

Why would he do this alone?

'Cause he's toast, Jules.
He's man toast.

And he wants to die in a
monsoon of bullets, remember?

Hailstorm.

We meet again.

Patrick, right?

Okay, listen...

I totally get that
you are on a rampage,

against all the people that
have wronged you, but...

I am not one of those people.

Oh, you are now. Okay,
just hear me out, man.

I am in bad
shape right now, okay?

Mentally and physically.

I don't care, so make
your move and let's do this.

Patrick, I would really rather not
engage in an Old West style standoff

at this particular
moment, all right?

See, I've kind of a big deal
happening in eight months

and it has totally usurped

my typically unbridled love
of situations like this, so...

Lassie's not dying.

He's not?
Then what's going on?

He's having a little Lassie.

You see the thing is,
I'm gonna be a father.

And I'm sure you can appreciate

why I would really prefer that this
end peacefully without any gun play.

No can do... Okay, okay,
just hang on. Hang on.

Let me ask you something.

Have you ever heard of a
program called S.E.I.Z.E.?

Come on, son.

I'm sure your kid's life will
be fine without you around.

My old man wasn't around
and look at me.

So, make your move.

Sorry, did you say you were
gonna take me away from my family?

Yes.

What kind of man would I be if I didn't
make the world a safer place for my son?

I think I have to get
in there. Whoa, wait!

I think Lassie's
getting his mojo back.

Having a baby
shouldn't make me scared.

It should make me even
sharper than I was before.

Is that right?
That's right, pal.

Because I'm
Carlton "Danger" Lassiter.

You want to draw
against me? Say when.

What?

You're crazy, man. You can't
do that, you're a policeman.

No, I'm your Huckleberry.

You're my what?

Say when.

You should probably
kiss the floor now.

Dawg, hell, I didn't know
you was back in town.

That's awesome!

I'm so glad
you're okay, Carlton.

And congratulations on the baby!

I'm gonna be a papa!

All right, I'm going in.
What's my play here?

Last letter
in S.E.I.Z.E., right?

No, I bailed on that
whole thing, man.

Zebras and eggs and I don't
even remember what the I stood for.

I don't know.
Exactly.

Just go in there
and be yourself.

Are you sure about that?

Go in there and be someone else.

Good luck,
we're all counting on you.

Officer Lassiter, you delivered.

I was betting against you, because
it's satisfying, but you pulled it off.

And for that you're
gonna be rewarded.

You mean I'm back to
being a detective? No.

But in my current review of
the financial budget for the city,

I discovered there's some available
funds for a department assigned driver.

Your driver.
That's right.

You'll be expected to deliver me

to and from all my personal
and business-related events.

When do I start?

Well, I ain't walking to my
7:30 spin class now, am I?

It's not about the
fear of dying anymore, Henry,

it's about time.

And my life is out here,
chasing bad guys.

Carlton, I've made more mistakes
in my life than I'd care to admit.

My marriage was doomed,
my relationship with my son

has been on life support
far too long.

And it was all because
of my love for the job.

But you know what I
was too stupid to realize?

What?

There's always gonna
be a bad guy to chase.

But your kid, your child,
they're only gonna grow up once.

They're gonna look at you like you're the
greatest thing in the world only for so long,

and things that are going to happen in their
life are gonna happen once, one time only.

And those are the memories
you want to hold on to.

Memories of the job, no.

It wouldn't even come close.

Trust me.

Thanks, Henry.
I won't forget this.

Anytime.

What? You're still
giving me a ticket?

Gotta do it.
Gotta fill the quota.

We should do this more often.

Get that tail light
fixed ASAP, Henry.

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

I know, you know