All language subtitles for movieddl.me_Psych.S07E03.1080p.BluRay.x264-STORiES

Jeez, Chavo. You look
like a giant baby on film.

Make sure that little
red light's blinking.

Thank you for that
amazing advice.

Thank you for
being so sarcastic.

Take it easy.

Ready?

I am currently standing
less than 200 meters

from where Chavo here
cowered, like a bitch, in a bush, but,

somehow managed to get a
picture of this thing's

right calf and buttock before
it disappeared into the bush.

All right.
Here's a fact if I go down,

you're like a dog
without a bone, chica.

Dude, I would pick up
that camera and forge ahead

like Denzel picked
up the flag in Glory.

There have been a spate
of recent sightings

of what has locally gained
traction as a Bigfoot-type creature.

But wait! There's more...
Yeah, show 'em the transmitter.

We have planted a number
of these motivational devices

in order to entice our
favorite Squatch

and giving us a little encore.

Calm down, Chavo. I know how much
you love dark meat and technology.

Uh... Careful, that's
a $200 tracking device in there.

What the hell is that?

Would you stop it?
That is a ridiculous sound.

Forget you, Shawn.

You know I'm allergic to pine
needles and most types of dirt.

Plus, it's raining now.

If I don't start smelling slow roasting
brisket in the next two minutes...

...we're turning around.

Shawn friggin' Spencer?

You really came!
This is the boobs!

Uh. Kate... Favor?

Wow. You look just like
your picture on the blog spot.

I thought it was a screen cap
of Angelina Jolie in Original Sin.

Shawn, who are these people
and why do they know your name?

We know your name too,
Pootie Tang.

Oh, Gus. We're just
joking with you

because you're sweet enough to
melt and drizzle on two scoops of me.

This is ChiChi, uh, Chavo.

He hid in a bush when
he heard you guys coming

because he thought
you guys were Bigfoot.

And he forgot to take
his Midol this morning.

Okay. I was going for
a low, ominous angle.

And also, I don't have ovaries.

That's debatable.
Uh... Bigfoot?

Yeah, Bigfoot.

Uh, did Shawn not
tell you the deal or...

What deal? We're on our
way to The Sassy Quatch.

It's a secret barbeque hut
built into the side of a cave

that almost nobody knows about.

It has the best tasting
corn pudding in all of...

Shawn, you son of a bitch.

Why do you have a camera?

Well, buddy...

Uh, if I had told you the
truth, you wouldn't have come!

Here's the thing. I, uh, I stumbled
upon Kate and Chavo's blog

while I was messing around on the
Harry and the Hendersons fan site.

Turns out... Shawn, John
Lithgow is never writing you back.

He's never even
heard of that site.

Okay. That is
your opinion!

Look, if Shawn can help us
find the beast by using his gift

and we can catch
it all on camera...

We will win the
Student Academy Award.

Dude, the Student Academy Award!

Oh, no.
No, no, no.

I will not get eaten by a bear to
prove that Bigfoot does not exist.

Nope. No bear is eating
me. Not today. Not ever.

Not even in your dreams.

Okay. You just jinxed
yourself. Suck it, Shawn.

At least stick around and let us
show you the Bigfoot blind we built.

It's totally rad and we have a
mondo stash of beef jerky there.

Dude, they have meat here.

Lots of meat.

Fine.

I will stay only long enough to refuel
and put something in my stomach.

I'm famished and I'm starting to
see floating protozoa and what not.

I know exactly what
you're talking about.

Okay, great. ChiChi, why don't
you, uh, grab some wood for the fire

and I'll show the
boys the blind?

Almost there, boys.

What do you think?
Do you think that's her natural gait?

All right, look. I'm
sorry I lied. Okay?

But let's be honest.

Shame on you for believing there
was a place called "The Sassy Quatch"

built into the side of a
cave in the first place.

Man, you know all I heard

were the key words
"dry rub" and "pone."

What are we doing
out here, Shawn?

We're not gonna be
able to help these fools.

You can say that again.

Look, we should both
be on camera for this.

It's important for story drive.

- What?
- Come on, dudes!

What is more interesting than a
documentary about finding Bigfoot?

Anything but Capturing
the Friedmans?

A documentary about a
documentary about finding Bigfoot...

That fails.

I will slap you
in the teat, Shawn.

Oh, think about it, Gus.

Look, they're
making Don Quixote.

We're making Lost in La Mancha.

Oh, my God. We have
never won anything.

Especially you.

Now who do you think's gonna win
that Student Academy Award now?

Here's a hint.

Us.

Now pull out your phone
and start shooting some B roll.

Come on, guys.
Chop, chop! Gus to the world!

Here's a news flash, Shawn.

We are not students.
Here's another one

this is the worst idea you've
come up with since Odwallapalooza.

Okay. First
of all, organic juices

and weird elixirs that are
alive are the future, Gus.

Just like milk was the
future back in the '50s.

And B, yesterday I enrolled you

in something called
hermeneutics at UCSB.

I think it's the study of The
Munsters so we should be fine.

You did not!
I sure did.

Shawn, hermeneutics is
the study of theory.

Well, that feels redundant.

Oh, my gosh. I could
have an exam on Friday!

I need to find a syllabus.

Pretty dope little setup, huh?

Chavo did it in
like, 15 minutes.

You just helped yourself, huh?

So, Kate what's the story
with you and Chavo?

It's just a business
relationship?

Or are you guys lovers
in the nighttime?

Man, I think we should all
be lovers in the nighttime.

The human libido is way too powerful to
be governed by a set of rudimentary laws

or a button fly.

Life's not The
Notebook, you know?

It's Wild Orchid.

It's Last Tango in Paris.

It's Jungle Fever.

Holy hell.

He's real.

Oh, my God. Are you seeing this?

Dude, dude, dude!

Shawn, if we get out of
here alive, I will kill you.

So what's my incentive to live?

In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity

I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity

If it's all right
then you're all wrong

But why bounce around
to the same damn song?

You'd rather run
when you can't crawl

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

I know, you know

I know, you know

She's gonna get eaten, Shawn.

She's gonna get eaten and
then we're gonna get eaten!

Would you...
Where?

Would you relax?

Breathe.

Think about what's
happening? Where's Chavo?

- He's gathering timber.
- Wrong.

He just changed into a giant dog
suit and came around that corner

with a big fake emu
over his shoulder.

It wasn't an emu.
This is brilliant, Gus.

We're no longer making a
documentary about a failure.

We're making a
documentary about a hoax.

They're circulating the rumors
on their blog, doctoring that photo,

and spreading it all
over the Internet.

Okay, fine.

Fine.

You're probably right

but there are still
bears out here, Shawn.

Black bears that feel no
kinship to black men.

Hey.

Sorry. Uh, I don't
have a long enough lens.

Plus, Bigfoot won't
come out of the cave.

I... I think we
need to get closer.

Actually, Kate, I am... I am
sensing that our best bet

is to head back to the camp, get some
more supplies and come back with Chavo.

Power in numbers.

All right. Yeah, it's hard not to
get a little excited about all this.

We understand.
But let's be smart.

Plus, Chavo will be able to
speak the creature's language.

How do you know
Squatch is Latino?

How do you know he isn't?

Well, gee, I wonder
where Chavo could be?

I'm here. I'm here.

Where's the firewood, Chavo?

Yeah. I heard something, like a muffled
scream coming from the other direction.

Yeah? Well guess what
we mother freak in' saw?

It. Dude, it trudged
towards that cave.

You can totally see it
from the blind. Awesome.

But we didn't want you
to miss anything, Chavo,

so we figured we'd all go
back together, as a group.

So we can see each other.

Oh, I got it.
And thank you.

Ugh. Wait until you see
it, baby. Oh, my God.

I am so turned on
right now. Yeah?

Yeah. We'll be
right back. We will?

Yes!

Are they going off to do
what I think they're gonna do?

Make a new plan
because we're onto them? They better.

Well, I don't think that's
what they're... Oh, my gosh.

Shawn, I think she's going to...

- She is.
- Gus,

I need to snoop around this
tent, okay? Be my lookout.

Okay.

Viva Mexico, Chavo.

What've we got here.

Huh, that's clever.

This girl is not messing around.

What is...

Wait a minute. Who's the big
dot? I'm the big dot?

Then what the hell is that?

Gus? What's going on out there, man?

Talk to me, Gus!

Gus? Dude, what the heck?

In a tree. Crazy, right?

It's still warm.

I think that turkey leg
was meant for Bigfoot, Gus.

Obviously, they went to the trouble
to set food traps with tracking devices,

I mean they're really
committing to this hoax.

Wait, I swallowed the
transmitter, Shawn.

What if my body rejects
the alloys in the composite?

You'll poop
it out. It's fine. What?

All right. You guys ready
to make some cinematic history?

Get rid of that thing!

I rarely order flan.

If it's there at the
table, sure, I'll partake

but chances are something else
on the menu is gonna grab me.

Well, then you just
haven't had good flan.

Uh... good flan, bad flan.
Bottom line, it's eggy. Period.

It can be eggy.

Ah, man. I should've peed back
at camp. My molars are floating.

All right, well just make it
quick. And give me the camera.

Ugh! You know, he's got the
bladder of a six-year-old girl.

But he can hold most of the tantric
positions for like 45 friggin' minutes.

Wow, that's something.
Yes, we have to go, too.

Yeah, we gotta pee.

We are gonna catch
him putting on the costume, Gus.

We're gonna hide. We're
getting the whole thing on camera.

And then we're gonna
keep playing along.

Now pull out your phone
and start shooting.

We want as many choices
as possible in the editing room.

Bet. This is
actually kinda fun.

Try and get some geography.

Shawn,
he looks like he's peeing.

Where is the big furry dog suit?

I'm filming a man whose
peeing, Shawn, this isn't right.

Who's there?

I've got pepper spray and
Chinese throwing stars.

I mean, I'm...
I'm a ninja.

What are you guys doing here?

We had to go, too.

What, so you just left
Kate alone at the blind?

It's not like anybody can see
her. I mean, isn't that the concept?

It's a blind.

Gus, you shouldn't hold it like that.
You're gonna get black bars on both sides.

Oh, right.

Katie!

He saw me. I saw him!

We made eye...
Eye contact!

Who saw you?
Who do you think, Chavo?

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Ah, ah, ah, ah!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Gus! You okay?

I'm okay. I'm okay. Ah!

Gus?

Great move.
Great juke, Gus.

I can't say I feel
100% right now, Shawn.

We lost the monster and
everyone lived. Even Chavo.

What the hell is
that supposed to mean?

Hey, I've got some
rope in my backpack.

I've got a flashlight. So, what?
Am I fodder, here? I'm expendable?

Hang on, Nutella!
Don't worry, Gus.

It's not like you're in
the catacombs.

Catch the flashlight, Gus!

Yeah.

I take that back, Gus!

You're in, like, a miniature
version of the catacombs.

Ah, it stings.

Tell you what, later on, you can put
one on me and then rip it off super hard.

Kate. You're very open
and sensual and European seeming.

I grew up on a commune
where we all... That's awesome,

but I'm in a fully
committed relationship

and my lady and her
illegitimate son,

they count on me to make
responsible decisions in the clutch.

That makes me sad.

And also really hot.

Hey, uh, I don't mean to
set off any alarms here,

but am I the only one who's troubled
by the three corpses in the hole?

It seems pretty
cut and dry to me.

We found Bigfoot's
private pantry.

Now we just gotta go back
and wait for snack time.

Or we could be snack time.
Uh-uh. Nope. Not today.

Shawn and I will be leaving now.

Thank you all very much.
It's been real.

Wait! Shawn, I...

This is... I thought this
was what you wanted, man!

This stuff we're
getting is epic.

We're gonna make history. Nope.

He'll want me first. I'm the sweetest.

What are you saying,
he's gonna start with dessert?

Ooh. Good point.
Maybe not.

Chavo's toast, though.

- Son of a bitch!
- Lassie! Jules?

I've never been so
excited to see you ever.

Come on. Hug it out.
Hug it out.

I would rather spend all
day at the mall with McNab.

Hey, what are
you guys doing here?

What are we doing here?

We got a call from a couple of
hikers about an abandoned blue Echo

on the side of the road
with Gus' license plate.

You didn't mention
anything about a day trip.

You two are popo?
That's right, Los Lobos.

So get that camera
out of my face.

This had better be good,
Spencer. I just shined these shoes.

That and the fact that you and Guster
aren't dead, I am borderline furious.

Okay. Listen, listen.

This is Kate and Chavo. They are
film students, making a documentary

about finding Bigfoot
right here in these woods.

And they hired me to
help them track the beast...

...psychically.

Hired? No.
You volunteered!

We're not paying you caca!

Needless to say we tracked
the beast to its domicile.

It was startled.
It gave chase.

We barely made it
out with our lives,

but we did unearth a catacomb
filled with the corpses of his victims,

which he will presumably
be eating later

along with Gus for dessert.
What?

And we got the whole
thing on camera.

That is 0% funny, Shawn.

Please let me shoot your
boyfriend. Just a flesh wound.

Something he can walk
away from? Please.

Boyfriend? All this monogamy
is really starting to bum me out.

- You say you got all this on camera?
- Yes, we did.

No way! C'mon, Lassie.
You saw the footage.

Impossible.

I know, it's shocking really.

But no corpses can only
mean one thing...

...it's the
zombie apocalypse.

Well, perhaps for the best, right here
in the woods, away from the populous.

That can't be. They were cold
and ashy and pale and dead.

I think it is painfully
clear what is going on here.

You two nimrods

have orchestrated a little hoax so
that your film's not a total waste of time

and you found the perfect two
chowderheads to fall for it.

That's not true!

Lassie, that's what we thought at
first, but it doesn't add up anymore.

Think about it, Spencer.

Put your finger to your
head and use your brain.

They got a couple of their bong
buddies to crawl in the hole and play dead.

You got hosed.

But now they have gone too
far because my time is money.

Wait a minute. How come
we're ruling out the theory

that the Yeti moved his food
stash because we found it?

Yeti is incorrect.

They live in much
snowier climates like Hoth.

You're right, my bad.

Plus, I found it by
accident, Lassie.

I had to tumble all the
way down a ridge to find it.

Gus has a point.

I mean, the hole was covered. I don't
think those bodies were meant to be found.

O'Hara, I forbid you to
buy into this load of crap.

We should arrest them
and go back to the city.

Uh... I am sensing these bodies did
not get up and walk away on their own.

Which also puts the kibosh
on Lassie's zombie theory.

You see, they were dragged.

Ha! Chupalo!

What does that mean? You tell
me what that means right now!

Well, this is quite a haul.

Well, this can't be right.

According to the tracking
device, Bigfoot is one of us.

Stop saying Bigfoot
like he's real.

Gus ate a giant turkey
leg with a transmitter in it.

Ah, c'mon, it wasn't weird to you that
it was just sitting in a freakin' tree?

Someone would have us believe
that these bodies went into the drink.

Which means we gotta
dredge this creek

and bring in some serious
SBPD manpower.

Now you two film geeks think long
and hard about what you say next.

Playtime is over.
I will not be toyed with!

God! Get it...

Oh, my...

Oh, God!

Don't fight the current!

Try to grab onto
something, I'm coming!

Whoa, where are you going?

Don't worry about it,
Shawn. You do you!

There he is! Look, we
go down here, come on!

That's what you get
for calling me Los Lobos!

Dude, this is a total bonus!

What can I do to help?

Stay back, Chavo! CHAVO:
I was hoping you'd say that.

Lassie, grab the branch!

It's right in front of you!

I got it, O'Hara!

Yes! Good work!

Jules, you're amazing!

Hang on, Lassie. We'll have
you out of there in no time.

What?

Hey! That lady hawk
stole my camera!

How do you know it's a female?

Ooh, she's circling around.

Uh, I think my whole leg
just came off.

Lassie!
She's coming back this way.

I think she's gonna drop it.

Catch
it! You have to catch it!

Catch it!

That was the sexiest
thing I've ever seen!

Or at least top eight.

All right. That's the best we're
gonna do for now, partner.

I stepped in a bear trap.

Oh! Look at this.

This is so humiliating.

I can't tell Marlowe the truth. I've
gotta come up with a cover story.

Do you mind?

Does anybody know where we are?

Because I certainly don't
and this sucks.

Yeah. Agreed.

We can follow the river up a ways, but the
tracks won't be good once the sun goes down.

Well, didn't you
guys bring a map?

I kicked it into the creek.

You did what? That's the stupidest
thing you could've done, Chavo!

I was just kidding.

We actually never had a map.

You think you can
move on that leg?

Not very fast.

Damn it to Hell!

It's like we're in Bridge on the River
Kwai, but you get to be Bill Holden.

We're gonna freeze
our pin ones off.

Okay. We're gonna set
up camp for the night.

We're gonna back
ourselves up to water

so that we don't have to worry
about a 360 degree perimeter.

We will build a fire.

At first light, I will find
my way out of here

and I will come back
with the cavalry.

Absolutely not.

I'm not letting you
go by yourself!

Shawn, everyone has to
stay here with Lassiter.

I'll be twice as fast on my own.

What about me, Juliet? I'm at
least twice as fast as Shawn.

That is a lie!

I'm not trying to be
here all night, Juliet.

Well, Detective O'Hara's
right. Ow!

No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'm certainly not gonna sleep a wink tonight
so I'll set up a perimeter and take watch.

O'Hara will set up camp
and protect the herd.

Wait. Please take one of
the cameras with you.

It would mean the
world to us. If you, uh,

see anything,

just point and shoot.

What do I look like to you?

The love child of Matthew
Perry and Tony Randall.

Here,

it's gonna get balls
cold out tonight.

What kind of wool is this?

It's an angora blend, I think.

It's delightful.
I know, right?

Just point and shoot.

This fire is very,
very impressive.

I had no idea that you were
so rugged and outdoorsy.

Well that is because you
steadfastly refuse to go hiking,

camping, or mountain
biking with me, Shawn.

Because look what
happens, Jules.

Mother Nature
was not meant for us.

It was meant for the
animals and Jeff Probst.

And you know what?
Not really Probst,

because everyone
knows that after wrap,

he goes to the Marriott.

Man, I love the outdoors
more than anything.

We're all animals.

Hey, have you guys ever
seen Cannibal Holocaust.

Nothing's beeping on
the Bigfoot tracker.

Oh, my God.

That's what you ran off to do?

How? Wait.

What did you use... We're not
talking about this, Shawn. Ever.

You can all suck it.

Stay put.

It's so... Cold.

My ankle is a little
worse off than I let on.

I've lost quite a lot of blood.

It's time to be honest.

I'm no hero.

Not tonight.

Close your eyes,

Give me your hand, darling

Do you feel my heart beating?

Do you understand?

Do you feel the same?

Am I only dreaming?

Is this burning

An eternal flame?

I believe it's
meant to be, darling

I would like to apologize.

I'm sorry, Marlowe.

I'm sorry I wasn't
strong enough.

Mom, Althea,

I just want to say once and
for all that your happiness

is my happiness.

I won't be making anymore off-color
LPGA jokes during the holidays.

I watch you
when you are sleeping

You belong with me

Do you feel the same?

Am I only dreaming?

Or is this burning.

Burning

An eternal

Eternal flame.

Say my name

Sun shines through the rain,

My whole life...

Hey, guys! Hi.

Yeah, how about we don't
attract attention to ourselves

by singing a song?

I'm going to die out here.

O'Hara,

you are the best partner...

I have ever... Ever...

That is not possible.

Oh, my gosh.

Bigfoot took Lassie!

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.
This is really happening.

What are we gonna do?

I think there's only
one thing to do.

Here.

Carlton Lassiter
was a decent man.

I'll, uh...

I'll never forget the time he
chased Gus with a samurai sword.

He just about took his head off.

Although we may have
not always seen eye to eye,

he did have a genuine
interest in upholding the law

and of course, he had the
sweet, sweet stern-bush.

Gus, you wanna add
anything to that? No.

Stop.

Look, Carlton is not dead.

He can't be. I won't let
him. You understand?

Okay. Now, we're
going to find him

and then we're all going
to get out of here.

ChiChi, how we doing on battery?

Uh, half and
we still have auxiliary.

Nice. We're ready
when you are.

Jules, you're upset.

Why are you filming this, Shawn?

You're emotional. And
if this was me saying,

"Hey, let's go poke the hornet's
nest with one of Gus' shoes",

you would say no and you
would force me to be reasonable.

Shawn, I smell barbeque.

No, you don't buddy.
You're just...

You're distressed,

and you're projecting
a delusion of grandeur.

No.
Grandeur.

No. It's smoked meat.
And it's fresh.

It's freshly smoked meat.

Well, that's the direction
Carlton was taken.

Let's go.
Everybody. Now.

Sure knows a lot
about smoked meat.

What are we doing?
Wait. Chavo.

This is the boobs, man.

No.
No, this is not the boobs.

Shawn, I said stay behind me.

Three, two...

We are currently
tracking the monster

in an attempt to also find
the remains of one of our own.

That is overstated.
Fix in post.

Needless to say, we have risked everything
in order to bring the truth behind

this legend to the rest of
the free speaking world.

Boom. I don't care how long it's been
since I've busted out the super sniffer.

It's like riding a bike
with my nostrils and cilia.

Look over there.

That's the same cave we
can see from the blind.

Which means, we've gone
in a big circle.

Shh! Stay with me.

All of you.

Oh my God... Those are
Carlton's clothes.

Homes got roasted
rotisserie style.

Okay. Uh. In lieu of everything that
we've been through with that man...

I can't believe I'm
about to say this...

Lassie does smell
absolutely delicious. Gus?

Amen. He's been dry
rubbed. Ow!

What's the matter with you two?

Look, I refuse to believe that there isn't
a rational explanation for all of this.

And I highly doubt that Bigfoot is dry
rubbing his dinner with barbeque sauce.

Of course he isn't.
It's apples and oranges.

The operative word is
"dry" meaning "no sauce."

Look, the show
must go on, right?

We gotta get inside that cave.

All right.
I'm sensing he's not in there.

I'm also sensing that Bigfoot
might have a green thumb.

Which is weird,
because he's Bigfoot.

Oh, these seeds all
took really well.

This is surprisingly cozy.

What is that?

Is that a solar panel?

- Carlton!
- He's here! He's alive.

Carlton? Talk to me.

Tell me you're okay.

Ooh, I don't know.
I may have jumped the gun.

Is that just his torso?

What? You are all
heartless!

Oh, hey guys!

Carlton, my God,
we all thought that...

They thought.

No, I'm fine. We were gonna
come find you right after brunch.

We?

Don't shoot!
I'm unarmed!

Dear God, you can speak!

Show me your hands!

He's okay, O'Hara.

Okay, I may have fibbed a
little bit right out the gates there.

I'm armed but I'm not dangerous.

You look dangerous.

I mean I'm really dangerous,
I'm just not vengeful or vindictive.

It's okay, Ed.
They're with me.

Carlton, what is going on here?

O'Hara, this here
is Big Ed Dixon.

He saved my life.

Truth is, my ankle was a lot
worse off than I admitted.

I bled profusely and at some
point in the night I passed out.

Hey, you found my shoe!

I found the trap with blood
on it, and saw Carlton,

put two and two
together and felt horrible.

It was my trap.

Big Ed picked me up like a baby
fawn and brought me back here,

he cleaned up my ankle,
redressed my wound.

What's with the furry costume?

And what are you doing out here?

I've been living in these
woods for over a decade.

The sad truth is I just lost
faith in the human race.

I was an Army Ranger
back in the day

so I knew I could exist
at one with nature.

I don't have to open the paper
every morning and get depressed.

You lost faith in humanity.

You know, Gus and I thought about doing
the same thing after we saw The Village.

But then we didn't because
that movie was horrible.

In any event, I created
this pelt suit for camouflage.

It allows me to hunt and move about without
disturbing the natural order of things.

Plus, I burn easily.

God. You're
like Predator.

But totally doable.

Well, I can't thank you
enough for saving my partner.

And I really hate to
be a buzz kill here

but there are still three
bodies that are unaccounted for.

I suppose you wouldn't know anything
about that, would you, Mr. Dixon?

No ma'am.
I wouldn't hurt a fly.

Anybody hungry?

Oh, yeah.
Yes.

I've been smoking
some venison outside all morning.

Trust me. My dry rub is the
best thing you'll ever taste.

Affirmative.

Uh, so it smells.

Oh, my God.

You're unbelievable.

What?
Don't you what me.

Show me your teeth!

You sampled the meat.
It's stuck in your teeth.

You tasted the meat when
we all thought it was Lassie!

So what, Shawn? What
difference does it make?

You're the one who said
he smells delicious!

I was trying to put a positive
spin on a horrific event!

I certainly wasn't
gonna partake.

I can feel my ribs, Shawn.

Gus, it hasn't even
been 24 hours!

Okay, okay. There's
plenty of meat for everyone

and none of it's human.

Okay, I'm gonna hoof it
up to the Ranger station

and get an ATV back
in here for Carlton.

I just need to get
out of this suit.

Speaking of suits, yours
should be dry by now, Carlton.

Thanks, Ed.

Ah, this is like
crack made out of deer.

Where is Shawn?

Probably in the back
snooping around.

You guys aren't at all
suspicious of Ed?

You didn't seem to have any
trouble eating his food. Ow!

Spencer you better not
be snooping back there!

Pretty bare bones, huh, Ed?

But what do we have there?

God!

I'm just saying.

Dude's been living
here for how long?

And he's never seen or
heard anything? Come on, son.

Ed Dixon's an angel in
wolf's, bear's and elk's clothing.

Why would he nurse me back to health
if he was a coldblooded killer, Guster?

It doesn't make sense.
He's a real man.

He's two men.

Seven feet and
what like, 400 pounds?

Did you get a load of
those meat hooks?

Can you imagine?

Imagine what?

Hey, you guys.
You should get in here!

Damn it, Spencer,
I told you not to...

I found these buried in the bottom
of Ed's foot locker soaking wet.

It's Jimmy Del Ray.
Titus Clackum.

Both went missing
two weeks ago. The trail went ice cold.

They're associated with a
Serbian crime syndicate up north.

These guys have taken contract
killing to a whole new level.

What did I tell you?

Big Ed is taking out the trash for
mobsters who don't even speak English.

We don't know that for sure. I
mean, they're bound to have accents.

Wait. There were three
bodies in that hole.

A woman?
Not necessarily.

I am sensing it was a
girl with a dragoon tattoo.

On the calf. A dragon eating
something bloody and heart shaped.

A heart.
Eva Kirilenko.

I've certainly booked
her enough times.

Hooker/stripper, and guess
where she worked the pole?

Clackum's.
I'll be damned.

She must have gotten
mixed up in his business.

She should have
stuck to hooking.

All right.
There it is.

We know who the dead people are and we know
who killed them and we're in his house.

Dixon, though? I mean, it doesn't
even sort of sound like a Serbian name.

Unless he changed
it from Dixonovich.

We need to get out of here.

Oh, God!

You care to explain these?

I found those netting salmon.

I'm afraid you're gonna
have to come with us, Ed.

I'm afraid you're not gonna
make it out of here alive, Carlton.

Um. Ed?

I have a pulse.

He's still alive, but I don't
think he's gonna make it.

Damn it! So does this
mean that Big Ed isn't a killer?

Yeah, probably, Kate. But I don't
think now's the time to make your move.

It's gotta be the Serbians. CHAVO:
Oh, come on, man. Don't tell me that!

How do we know Ed wasn't
already working for them?

Because he saved my life
and he served our country

and he lost his wife and
he's got a garden, Guster!

Why would the Serbs be out here?

How would they have known Gus
was going to uncover those bodies?

Right. I didn't do
it on purpose!

Wait. The pictures
on the blog.

What about them? You guys have
been posting pictures on your blog

all over these woods this week.

Like, the Serbs are bound to have
people keeping tabs on the area.

You basically advertised
that you were out here.

Which means they knew
their dumping ground's been compromised.

So they sent out some muscle to tie
up the loose ends and move the bodies.

Including me? No, Gus.
You're probably okay.

Of course including you!
Everyone.

All of us.
And poor Big Ed.

He made it all the way
back here to warn us,

that brave sumbitch.

Or they let him go so they could
track him and see where he goes.

So some coldblooded
Serbians are coming to kill us?

Uh. Has the Student Academy
Award ever been won posthumously?

- We need to get out of here!
- Gus, no! It's too dangerous.

That's like leading
lambs to slaughter.

O'Hara's right.

If they want a fight,
we'll give 'em a fight.

I'm really more of a lover.

We know!

So what the hell
are we gonna do?

Well, look around this place.

Let's get ready.

You do realize we're in
grave danger, right Chavo?

People need to know.
What does that even mean?

I have no idea!

It's just the default excuse
people give in found footage movies

for why they keep shooting
no matter what happens.

You guys are using me like a
chest of drawers, aren't you?

Try to relax, Ed.

Oh, that's wrong.

Go pro, or go home.

All right. I think we've done
all we can do for tonight.

With any luck, sundown
will come without incident

and we can head out
of here at first light.

I'll be keeping watch out here.

You guys, stay in the back with
Lassiter and take your cues from him.

We are light on firearms

but he's got a gun in the back,

and God knows what he used
to do with that morning star.

I'm sorry it's come to this,

but we will make it out
of here if we work together.

Yeah, you know what?
We're sorry too.

No, we're not.

ChiChi! ChiChi, dude!

Take cover! Let's
go, behind the cabin now!

Flip the
table over! Gus.

Flip the table!

What about the camera?

Kate, what are you
doing? People need to know.

Katie...

God!

Dude, she tried the Denzel.

We're gonna get shot, Shawn!
Where did Jules go?

I can't just leave her out here.

At least she has a gun.

It's the Serbs!

Holy living Mary.

What do you think that means?

It means we need to
get out of here, Shawn!

Shawn! Gus!
Where did you guys go?

Shawn! SHAWN: Lassie!
Jules knows how to shoot a crossbow.

Everybody get down!

Holy crap!

Uh, Kate?

What are you doing,
Lassie? Shoot that dude!

You stay down and shut up!

Uh... Somebody help us!

Come to papa,
you son of a bitch.

Katie.

Um, help? Somebody?
Help us! Somebody! CHAVO: Katie?

Somebody, help us!

Uh. Thank you! Thanks!

'Kay. Where's the other one?

Lassie, you got him?
You totally shot that dude.

Of course I got him.
Don't be an idiot.

Where's O'Hara? I can't
see anything to the West.

This could be my
last meal, Shawn.

Carlton, cover me!

Chavo, Kate.

I need you guys to apply
pressure to each other's wounds.

Can you do that? Chavo,
how you holding up?

I peed. I'm still peeing. KATE:
Chavo! God, my hair! Ugh!

Carlton! Shawn!

Oh, my God.
He shot Lassie!

- This is gonna be so hard on my son.
- You don't have a son.

You know what I mean, Shawn.

Ed? You're alive!

Thank you!

No problem.

I feel woozy.

Jules, you're so badass!

What happened? SHAWN:
That dead Serb shot Lassie!

Carlton oh, come on,
talk to me, Carlton.

This really hasn't
been my day, O'Hara.

It's a damn shame.

Here lies Big Ed Dixon.

He was a gentle giant
with a sensitive soul

and an impressive armament
of medieval weaponry.

If it wasn't for him,
Gus would be dead.

So would you, Shawn.

Now that remains
open for debate.

There is no debate. Bang,
bang. I'm dead, you're dead.

I would have thrown the
camera at his face, Gus.

Oh, please. There's no way you
would've thrown...

Doesn't anybody check
for a pulse anymore?

Oh, my gosh.
You're still alive!

I'm... I'm sorry, I
didn't know, Ed. Hold on.

I need an EMT over
here right now!

Ed Dixon is alive!

Hang in there, Ed. We're
gonna get you to the hospital stat.

Um, I kinda turned my back on
modern medicine 10 years ago.

I... I'm fine. Can you just pull
this axe out of my spine, please?

Um... I think you might wanna
make an exception for this one.

You don't wanna
get a staph infection.

Yeah, I suppose so.

I'm getting woozy.

Didn't anybody hear me?
Ed Dixon is alive!

Her name is Yashimi

She's a black belt in karate

Hey, hey

Working for the city

She has to discipline her body

'Cause she knows that

It's demanding

To defeat the...

Yeah!

Pretty much it, guys.
That... That's our film.

Did that just say Seacrest?

Yeah. You know what,
Chavo, I realized,

uh, while I was doing the credits
that I don't know your last name.

I mean I assume it's
something like Cortez,

or Hinojosa,

or Ponce de León but, uh, I
wasn't positive, so I just, uh...

I went with something safe.
That is safe.

It's genius, Shawn.

That is the best film I have
seen since Love and Basketball.

Wow. That's...

Oh, I really like some of the
nice editing choices you made.

The dissolve was great.
And, oh. The... The flashback?

Nice touch.

Well, uh, that flashback
is actually how I...

How it looks in my head,
this psychic brain of mine

I thought it might be nice
to give you guys a little peek

into the process
that I am a slave to.

Interesting.

Please remove your arm from
around my shoulder this second.

You got it, Chief.

Yes, well, you're all
very lucky to be alive.

The Serbians don't mess around,

especially when
they're wearing masks

and speaking Serbian.

Well said, Pop.

I'm also happy to report
that Big Ed

will make a full
recovery. Mmm-hmm.

God love him.

And if I may just add

that while I am not particularly pleased
with how I'm portrayed in this film,

Detective O'Hara's heroics
cannot be overstated.

Yeah.

Shawn, thanks for
putting this all together.

It was the least we could do.

I mean, after all, you are giving
up your Student Academy Award

by offering up this
footage as evidence.

But hopefully it will bring
you some comfort to know

that the remaining
killer will be prosecuted

to the full extent of the law.

Well, it all worked
out about as well as it could,

considering that most of
you have gunshot wounds.

You ever been shot, Papa bear?

Yeah.

Yeah, as a matter
of fact I have.

Wow, that's super hot.

Okay. Well, you know, some of us do
have to get back to running a precinct.

So... Oh, I... I
appreciate that, Karen.

But you're the one that does
the heavy lifting around here.

Drive safe, if you drove.

Gopher?

You credited me
as "gopher?"

You must be outta your damn
mind, Shawn, I put my life on the line!

I was supposed to be C
camera operator and co-producer.

We had a deal, not to mention
my points on the back end.

What... You're right.
This is an outrage.

I'm gonna take this
up with post.

Cool. Wait a second,
you are post.

Get back here, Shawn!

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

I know, you know