All language subtitles for Love.and.Marriage.S01E05.Whos.the.Boss.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-HBD_track3_[eng]

- How do I look?

- Hot.

Take a letter, Ms. Paradise.

Lawyers don't take letters.

- It's gonna be great.

How are you feeling?

- Excited, nervous, really
don't wanna leave the kids.

Really wanna leave the kids.

Um...

Look, I know it's...

But, thanks for taking them on.

- It's fine, it's great.

I'm looking forward to taking them on.

No, like I said it's,

being a house husband is really cool, so.

- Plus, you get to be a writer.

- Plus that, too, yeah.

- Okay, got to go.

Mwah.

- Good luck, Jeffrey Archer.

- Oh, can I not be Jeffrey Archer, please?

What with him going to jail,

and being blackmailed, and stuff.

Well, the way I look at it is,

there's nothing Michelle can do

for the children that I can't.

- Except endure the agony
of giving birth to them.

Or ruin your figure forever
by breastfeeding them.

Although, in saying that,
with Daddy's man boobs,

anything's possible, isn't it?

- Daddy's man boobs!

- Oh, look, here we go.

There's nothing my wife finds funnier

than one of her own jokes.

It wasn't that long ago I
was working here, Michelle.

I think I can remember where
the kids' classrooms are.

I also remember where the gym bags are,

and I also remembered the permission slip

for Caitlin's Year 5 field trip.

I remembered everything.

Come, in you go.

Sam, Sam?

Sam!

- Hey, two Kinder eggs, and
you don't tell your mom.

- Yeah.
- Yes, all right.

Come on, let's go, okay, Sam.

- Kevin Paradise, you are a genius.

Thing in the paper about
relationship counseling,

perfect for Mum and Dad.

I'll go and see Mum this morning,

and get her on board with the idea.

- Right, yes, could you
not do that, Kevin, maybe?

It's your hearing soon.

Don't you think you should
be focusing on that?

You know, focusing on your own family,

and your own marriage, not your parents'?

- Gary Twatface texted and
said our old commanding officer

is gonna be the judge at the hearing.

- Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?

Better the devil you know.

- How about when the devil I know

is an officious pig who never
liked me, is it better then?

- Kevin, will you stop being so negative?

If he doesn't like you,

you'll just have to win
him round with your speech.

- Sure, except I'm rubbish
at making speeches.

- Oh!

- The reason she's such
a fantastic wife and mum,

and has built a great family,

is because she didn't have one as a kid.

Her dad walked out when she was 15.

- Probably a good thing.

- He was a failure.

- Yeah, okay.
- A waster.

- Kevin, thank you.

Do you think I could, it being my story.

- Sure.

- Um, I look back now,

and I think that the
reason that he left us

was because he couldn't hold
his head up at home anymore.

- He gambled his wages every week.

- He found someone else and
tried to reinvent himself there.

- I've had an idea for our next
assignation, Mrs. Paradise.

- Assignation?

Is that posh for a dirty
weekend, Mr. Bachman?

- No, though, if you did fancy--

- Uh, no thank you, I don't fancy, cheeky.

- There's something fun on at
the Arts Centre on Saturday.

- Right, a bit worried about the words

fun and Arts Centre being
in the same sentence.

- It's a "Mama Mia!" singalong.

- Ooh, now you're talking!

I wouldn't have had you
down as an ABBA fan.

- Oh, there are many sides to me,

and one of my sides likes belting out

"The Winner Takes It All"
at the top of his voice.

- You forgot my goggles.

- Well, I'll give you the
number of Childline, L-O-L.

- I wish Mum was taking me swimming.

- Honey, please, don't cause a scene.

This is day one of Daddy's new life.

He wants to make a good impression.

Familiar face.

From the school gates.

Maybe you don't recognize
me with me clothes off.

Swimming's weird isn't it?

Everyone pretending we're not stood around

in what's basically our
underwear.

Hello, I'm Martin, what do you
think of my pants?

Check out the dad shorts, sexy.

- What are you gonna be like

when I'm actually having this baby?

- I'm okay with screams of
pain and excessive blood loss.

I get that all the time at work.

Well if, if there is excessive blood loss.

There might not even be any.

But there probably will be
screams of pain, though.

- Oh!

- I think it's awesome, you
and your wife are being, like,

"We're not happy playing
traditional roles.

"We're gonna make this mega life choice,

"and if people don't get it, whatever."

Lucy's mum and dad are legends.

- Well, Lucy's dad doesn't feel

that legendary at the
moment, but thanks anyway.

You're funny.

- Get in the car!

We've gotta go and see Mum

about Operation We Are Never Giving Up

Until We've Got Our Parents Back Together.

- I can't, I haven't got time.

- You're unemployed, we both are.

We've got all the time in the world.

Get in the car.

- Come on, Ken doing talking therapy?

You can't miss that.

I can't miss that.

- Me neither.

- Promise we'll be good.

Just sit in the corner,
laughing hysterically.

- Well, I'm glad you both find

the breakdown of my marriage so hilarious.

- Cut Ken some slack.

The fellow's more in
touch with his emotions

than people give him credit for.

- I can't go to counseling with your dad.

- Why, because of that Bachman bloke?

Sorry, Mum, but your elderly boyfriend

is not a good enough reason.

Mum, please, just try one session,

and I'll never mention it again.

- How was Dad at being Mum?

And be honest about
how much you missed me.

Lots.

- Lots.

- Lots, oh, I'm so pleased!

Go on then, off you go.

Well, the house hasn't burnt down,

and the kids are still alive,

so that'll do for day one, I think.

"1978, as a huge earthquake
devastated Greece,

"Marty Paradise was born in Coventry."

- Yeah, Marty was a typo.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

No, sorry, I'll just, I'll keep reading.

Oh.

- I had no time, okay,
what with all the swimming,

and the washing, and the puree vegetables,

and all the other boring crap I had to do.

- Why don't you arrange a play date

with one of the other mums
if you're really bored?

Or I could ring one up
and arrange it for you?

- No, no, I'll do it.

I shouldn't need you to
pimp me out on a play date.

Hello, morning, um, I was wondering if...

Maybe not.

Do you not fancy, maybe, um...

Will you go on a play date with me?

And my kids.

And your kids, they're totally invited.

Seriously, I'm not trying to hit on you.

- I'll go on a play date with you.

- Great!

Um, hey, don't panic, the dad
trunks are staying at home.

- Who's the boss?

I would say the kids.

And the mortgage, and the car,

and the telly, and the washing machine,

and all the other stuff
we'll be paying off

for about the next century, probably.

- What, no, that's not right.

Well, um, we're still,
well I am, definitely,

I'm definitely the boss of my life.

- Okay, Martin, let's write this baby.

- Thanks for letting me stay.

Just for a few days,
'til me boiler's fixed.

- Sure, no worries, Dad.

Mi sofa bed, su sofa bed.

Like, mi casa, su casa.

My house is your house.

- This book you're writing, I
hope it's not a comedy book.

- I'm not writing a book
at all at the moment.

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

You go on, son, don't worry about us.

We've got "The Wiggles."

Kevin thinks me and your mum
should go and see a councilor.

Why the council would wanna get involved

in my marriage, I don't know.

It were bad enough when they tried

to make me start composting.

- Ah, um, it's a
counselor, not a councilor.

You'll be seeing a therapist.

- No thanks.

I'm not a loony, and nor
is your mother, sometimes.

- You don't have to be loony.

Loads of couples have
relationship counseling.

Look, uh, why don't think of it like, um,

you put your car in for
an MOT every year, right?

- I'm a responsible road user, yeah.

- Why wouldn't you do the
same with your marriage?

- Take it in for a tune-up sort of idea?

- Exactly.

- Hmm, I'll think about it.

- That's all we're asking.

It's brilliant Dad, I'm very proud of you.

- Of course, with me and your mum,

technically it won't be so much an MOT,

as a 100,000-mile
service on an old banger.

Triumph Toledo, say,
and a knackered engine,

and dodgy front suspension struts,

which is typical of them old Triumphs.

- Want a cup of tea?

- I would love one.

You wanna watch it, though.

You can't be having tea
breaks every 20 minutes

if you're gonna be the next Harry Potter.

- Oh no!

Thanks for looking after me, Ash.

- Hey, I like looking after you.

I wish I could look after you and our,

the both of you all the time.

Heather.

Heather, Heather, look.

- A few ground rules.

We're not talking about bed, okay?

I want that understood.

- Ken.

- Okay, Pauline,

try and keep eye contact
with Ken as you address him.

- Oh, okay, sorry.

Ken.

- Can I wear me glasses?

- Oh, Ken!

I think you came to this therapy session

because you want to save our marriage.

- Yes, I did.

- No Ken, that's not right.

- It is, that's exactly why I came.

- Sure, but the point of this exercise

is to mirror what Pauline
says, and vice versa.

So when Pauline says,

"I think you came to this therapy session

"because you want to save our marriage,"

you say, "So you think I
came to this therapy session

"because I want to save our marriage?"

- Why?

- It'll help you begin to
truly listen to Pauline,

and understand what's
going through her mind.

- But I know what's
going through her mind,

'cause she just told me.

- He's got a point.

- Always fancied meself
as a writer at uni.

But then, everyone fancied
themselves as a writer at uni.

I liked being a teacher, but
I didn't love being a teacher.

So when Michelle said she
was going back to work...

Oh, blimey, I'm boring meself here.

- No you're not boring me.

- How about you, what are your plans?

- Does catering college at
Wolverhampton count as a plan?

- Of course, and traveling.

At your age I wanted to go to India.

- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.

- Oh no, look.

Do you wanna wake her up?

- Um, no thanks.

I still wanna go to India.

Well, actually I don't.

I'm incredibly happy in the West Midlands.

- I could,

perhaps should,

be more,

say more,

but Pauline always makes me feel

like I'm talking--
- Okay, okay.

Try to only make I statements
like we discussed, Ken.

"I feel like," not, "Pauline
makes me feel like."

- But I feel like blaming Pauline.

The whole family's turned upside down

since she went all women's lib.

- Thank god that's over.

- Load of old cobblers.

- I feel like I need you to
drop me off at Morrisons,

so I can buy something for dinner.

- I feel I don't feel like doing that,

'cause I have to go to the post office.

You don't have to go to
Morrisons for your dinner.

We could get chicken in
the basket at the pub.

- Oh, that's a nice idea, but no.

I don't want a big meal now, 'cause I'm,

I'm having one tonight.

- Oh, I get it.

- No, you don't.

- You're going out for a big
meal with your boyfriend.

With Peter the poet.

- No, I'm staying in for a big
meal with Rowan the sister,

and Rowan the sister's granddaughter.

- There's no point in us doing therapy

if you're carrying on with him.

- That's got damn all to do with it!

Me and Peter, that's
been going on for weeks.

Our marriage has been
falling apart for decades.

- I'll drop you at Morrisons.

- Can I, um, ask you a favor?

- Yeah.

- My college application,
I've got to write this, like,

personal statement thing, would you mind--

- Yeah, I'll help you
write that, for sure.

- Oh, amazeballs.

I'll send it over.

Is your email on the school contacts list?

- Uh, Michelle's is, yeah.

Um, it might be easier for you, uh,

you know, if you sent it to mine.

- Oh, yes.
- Here, I'll,

I'll give it to you now.

- Oh, great, thanks.

- Here you go.

Mummy!

- Ah, hello, love, ooh.

- Hello, Mummy!
- Hello, Mummy!

- I've missed you.
- I love you, Mummy!

- You do, you're okay?

Okay.

All right, woman.

I've had a hard day down the pit.

Where's me dinner?

- Ah, yeah, about that,
I was on a play date.

- What?

- Didn't have time to go shopping.

Coco Pops?
- I love Mummy.

- They've got way more fiber in

without the milk that I forgot to get.

- I love Mummy.
- How come you're not tired?

- Yeah, you know, I
was just thinking that.

- Dad let her have a sleep.

- And then he had a sleep and
I had to look after everybody.

- Power nap, a lot of writers have them.

- Dad left me home alone.

- Right, mate, I want those eggs back.

Oh, yeah.

Hi, Granddad!

- That therapy's hungry work.

What's for dinner?

- Martin, do you remember the time

you came home from a long day at work,

and there was only Coco Pops for dinner?

- No.

- No, of course you don't,
because it never happened.

I'm going to KFC.

- I'm supposed to write
this letter to myself,

saying everything I've
done wrong in my marriage.

But I don't think I did
anything wrong, did I?

- Leave the letter for now,

and make the list of all the things

you appreciate about Ken.

That'll be easier, maybe.

- I'm gonna make a list

of all the things I appreciate about you.

- That's so sweet.

What's number one?

- And your dirty laugh,
that's another one.

- Dear

Ken.

How are you?

It's ridiculous!

- Ken's quite tall.

- Oh, stop!

There are plenty of things
I appreciate about Ken.

And if I wasn't so angry with him,

I might even be able to think of them.

- I've always rather admired
his parallel parking,

if that's any help.

Ow!

- I'm sorry there was
only Coco Pops for dinner.

Although, upside, we do
love a KFC Bargain Bucket.

- Mm.

- Michelle.
- Mm-hmm?

- Do you ever think,

maybe we could go traveling?

Maybe we could go to India,
like we wanted at uni?

- Yes, Martin, I do think that.

And then I wake up.

And I remember that I'm a grownup now,

with a job, and a house,
and kids at school.

- We could take the kids out
of school, people do that.

- No, stupid, irresponsible
people do that,

who probably smoke marijuana.

Can I go to sleep now, please?

- Okay.

- Hey, Martin!

My personal statement.

I worked on it after we worked on it.

Oh, I'll check it over.

- Oh, genius, thank you so much.

You look different, very dapper.

- It's all right.

I just threw these
threads on, to be honest.

- You off somewhere smart?

- Not really, unless you
count Jungle Junction.

Oh, and are you
going to Tumble Tots later?

- Oh yeah, you bet, I never
miss it, tumble Tots rocks.

I'll see you there.

- I hate Tumble Tots!

- Yeah, well, you'll learn to love it.

- Thank you.

I've imposed on Martin
and Michelle long enough.

I mean, me ruddy boiler's
still not fixed, you know.

I always forget all this space.

Over there, Heather.

- Holy Trinity.

That church is nearly

1,000 years old.
- 1,000 years old.

Yes, Dad, that's right.

Now let's get you settled
in, and I'll get off to work.

- You're in the games room.

- Games room?

- Uh-huh.

- Has this always been here?

- Yup, it's Charlie's dirty little secret.

- His what?

- No, it's nothing, Heather
hates my games room.

I was gonna get rid of
it when she moved in.

- And then he didn't.

- And then I was gonna get rid of it again

when we found out that she was pregnant.

- And then he didn't.

- Ah, it's okay.

I was gonna get rid of my snooker table

when Pauline were expecting
Kevin, and then I didn't.

Yeah?

- Well, let's hope your baby grandchild

likes playing Grand Theft
flaming Auto then, Dad.

Ooh.

- Can't do anything right at the minute.

- Yeah, well, they do
like to build a nest.

You really should let
Heather do that, you know?

She deserves it.

- Well, fair enough.

And maybe Pauline might've
deserved it as well.

- Fair enough.

- Heather, come on!

Sandwiches in the east, and time.

- No, I'm going to the canteen.

- Exqueeze me, we hate the canteen.

You might hate it, I don't.

There is no way, okay, Ashley?

The sooner you accept that,

the easier it will be for both of us.

- Wow.

Right, sorry, yeah.

Um, enjoy your toad in the hole.

Hang on, wait.

I'm sorry, I'm a cow.

- I love cows.

And horses , and sheep.

I'm a big farm-animal fan.

- I wanted to say, thank you,

for the lovely things you
said to me in the toilet.

- We'll always have Paris.

Or in our case, a lavatory.

- Look, Ash, you know why--

- I wasn't trying to, I think I just,

I think I just said it to say it, so,

there wouldn't be any doubt, so.

I know that it's impossible.

We are never gonna speak of it again.

- Why didn't I meet you
years ago, Ashley Roehampton?

- Don't say that.

- It's just the hormones, honest.

It's not like my heart's
breaking, or anything.

You heartbreaker.

Hello, Ken.

- Hello, Pauline.

- Go on, then.

Tell me all the things
you appreciate about me.

- One thing, we said, didn't we?

One a day.

And you've gotta say one thing

you appreciate about me, too, remember?

- You first.

- Okay.

Fine.

Unless you want to?

- Oh, for God's sake,
Ken, I'm on pay-as-you-go.

Get a move on.

- That church is nearly
1,000 years old, you know?

- That's what I thought, me neither.

- Yes, come.

♪ Here we come, here we come ♪
- Right, back in the house.

- Hello, where have you
been, dressed like that?

- Uh, Tumble Tots.

- You wear aftershave to Tumble Tots?

- Yeah, of course, tumbling
is a sweaty business.

- Fireman Kevin Paradise,

it is vital that the fire service

have the trust of the general public.

You have betrayed that trust.

Your actions have brought this
service into great disrepute,

and we cannot possible ignore that.

Have you prepared a defense
against the accusation of theft?

- Yes.

Is it okay if I, I
think I'm gonna have to,

I did actually learn this.

Oh, it's not in there.

Not in there either.

- Um, Kev.

- Got it.

Sorry.

Right.

Could I have some of that water?

- Please!

- Sarah, you can't.

- No, I'm his wife.

- Sarah!

- Mrs. Paradise,

this process doesn't
allow for you to speak.

Now please, sit down,

and let your husband finish his defense.

- Sorry, but I can't do
that, 'cause let's face it,

he's making a right big
zero of it, isn't he?

This isn't my husband.

Well, well, it is.

'Cause he can but weak, and self-centered,

and a great big baby, to be
honest, but not all of the time.

Most of the time, husband's
strong, and he's decent,

and loves his family more than anything.

And he's always been so proud

to be part of the fire service,

and that is why he's behaving like this.

It's because he's
nervous, and, and ashamed.

And he knows what's at stake,

that he stands to lose everything,

'cause of the two stupid mistakes.

- Sorry?

- Yes, thank you, Sarah,
you can sit down now.

- Two?

As far as I know your husband's here

because he made one stupid mistake.

- That's right, yup, just the one.

- No, Kev.

The stealing the money from
the old lady in the fire,

and the other money from the rugby club.

That's two.

Stupid mistake number three?

Hello,
and welcome, everyone,

to Coventry Schools Swimathon.

This year we will raise
money for local charities.

There are five different
schools taking part.

The Swimathon will last for four hours,

and we are hoping to raise 5,000 pounds.

- Earth to Martin.

A beautiful teenage girl
is saying hello to you.

- Oh, really, sorry, I didn't notice.

Hi, Alice!

- Who's Alice?

- Um, she's just an au pair.

We go to Tumble Tots together.

We were on a train, on our way to Cov,

to tell my mom and dad
that Michelle was pregnant,

and that we were getting married.

- And we told my mum
and dad that afternoon,

so naturally I was in floods of tears.

- They hated me.

Well, they still hate me.

- No, it's not hate anymore.

It's more like mild contempt now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Ooh, that's great.

- And anyway, Martin put his
arm round me, and he said,

"It's okay, babe, we're
together now, a team.

"All troubles will be halved," didn't you?

- Mm-hmm.

- They were doubled.

- And now we've got five
kids, they're quintupled.

Is that a word.

- I don't know.

- Whatever, I was 21.

Didn't have clue what I was talking about.

- There's Heather.

Come on, Caitlin!

Gimme a C!

C!

- Is it from Gary?

- Not unless Gary thinks I'm owed

3,250 pounds for miss-sold insurance.

Oh, hell.

Go, Team Paradise!

- I want to go swimming!

- You can't go swimming, Lucy, not today.

- I want to go swimming,
I want to go swimming!

- No, Lucy!
- I want to go swimming!

I want to go swimming,
I want to go swimming.

I don't want to go swimming.

- What?

- Hi, Alice, I'm Michelle.

Thank you very being so
good with my daughter.

- Oh, no worries.

- For taking pity on my poor old husband.

- Ouch.

- Can I say one thing?

Martin totally rewrote
my personal statement

for my college application.

It was seriously wicked of him.

- That's just what I was thinking.

- Anyway.

- That's why he didn't have time

to cook dinner the other day.

I know you were angry, but
he's a really great dad.

He is trying his best.

- Excuse me.

- Oh, sorry, I should've kept quiet.

I was trying not to make it a thing.

- No, it's not, it's not.

- Completely...

Git!

- It might be after all.

Babe, where are you going?

- Don't babe me, Martin.

Who's this girl who's so great with Lucy,

who starts lecturing me
about my own husband?

What the hell have you been up to?

- Martin, what was all that about?

Pauline, can we have a chat

about this whole counseling nightmare?

- No, Ken, we can't.

Let's just be proud of
our granddaughter today,

and leave it at that.

- Right.

In that case, I'm getting
closer to the action.

I haven't been up to anything.

- Oh, sure you haven't.

Why are you blabbing
about our business to her?

If there's a problem,
right, talk to me about it.

- I'd love to talk to you
about it, but you never listen,

or you're too tired, or
you just take the mickey.

Alice is interested in what I do.

She asks me about my writing.

Alice listens.

- Alice is a teenager,
she has time to listen.

She has time to sit around,
having endless chats, I don't.

- Or you don't want to, more like.

- Oh yeah, well, I've got some time now,

so come on, tell me about your book.

Let's talk, Marty Paradise.

- No thanks.

- Why not?

Fine.

- Michelle!

There is no book, okay?

Because I don't even wanna be a writer.

It's boring and lonely.

Yesterday I started talking to meself.

The only reason I said
I was gonna write a book

is because I couldn't stand the thought

of just being a house husband.

- What?

Well, you should've said.

- How could I, when you had
just announced out of the blue

that you're going back to work,

and I'd have to stay at home
and look after the kids?

All in the legs!

- Lucy, no!

Mummy!

- Lucy!

Oh my god, Lucy!

- Lucy, get down from there, now!

No, don't get down from there

until there's an adult
to help you get down!

- Kevin, excuse me, but
isn't rescuing your job?

- Oh, no!

- Kev, look!

Lucy!

- There's nothing to be scared of.

Oh!

- So what's the news?

Spit it out, Twatface,
this isn't Dancing on Ice.

- Johnson didn't think much
of you forgetting your speech.

- Well, what about when
I remembered it, then?

- He didn't think much of that either.

He thought even less of Sarah

blabbing about the rugby club money.

But, um, he could tell
you're both sincere,

and you're being punished enough.

You're back in, mate.

They've given back your
retained firefighter status,

but this is your last chance, Kev.

You're on notice.

- I promise you, I will
never be such an idiot again.

- Yeah, well, good luck with that.

Just kiss me, you great, big man.

- Oh, here we go.

- Lucy, I'm so sorry!

- Okay, listen to Mum.

That looks like good news.

Michelle, listen.

- No, Martin, I just,

I'm gonna get the kids home, and,

I'll talk to you later, okay?

Come on, Luce, come on.

Pauline!

- Oh, no!

- It's important!

I appreciate the way you
always stack the dishwasher.

- Are you on drugs?

- I appreciate the trifle
you make every Christmas,

apart from the oranges

you put in it last time as an experiment.

I prefer it without.

Good night.

- I appreciate your smile, and your laugh.

I've appreciated that for 41 years.

I even appreciate you walking out on me,

'cause it showed me what
my life would've been like

if I'd never gone to your
sister's 18th birthday party,

and the answer is, miserable.

I appreciate our kids,

and I've really appreciated

staying with them this last week,

apart from Martin's sofa bed,
which was very uncomfortable.

I've had enough of pretending

there's something wrong with our boiler,

just so I didn't have to be on me own.

I'm ready to go home, Pauline.

Please, come with me.

- I'm sorry.

- I'm back!

And I'm exhausted.

Paint, ugh!

- Aye, I forgot, I've been painting.

- What have you been painting?

- The games room.

Ugh.

- Or as I'd like to call it, the nursery.

I painted it today, with Dad's help.

- Oh, Charlie, I'm not even
12 weeks, it's much too early.

- So what, I don't care, 'cause
I wait to have this baby,

'cause I'm ready now.

What, didn't you know that?

And we don't know what we're having.

I couldn't do it pink or blue,

so me and your dad thought
that we'd mix the two,

and and we'd go purple.

Well, how does it look?

- Dreadful!

Like a room belonging to a
really depressed teenager.

And you and my dad, God bless him,

are still gonna have to
repaint it immediately.

I hate it!

But...

But I love that you did it,
Charlie, and I do love you.

I'm so sorry.

- Hey, come now, what have
you got to be sorry about?

Come here.

It's okay, it's all right.

- Hello.

Where are the kids?

- Sarah's for a sleepover.

- You're kidding, even Lucy?

- Yeah, Lucy's gone, too.

- Sarah's lost her mind.

- Yeah, clearly, the lady's gone loco.

Right, well, we should--

- Look, um, nothing
happened with Alice and me.

You know that, it's
just a stupid, stupid--

- No, no, it really
doesn't matter, Martin.

Well, I mean, it does matter.

If something had really happened,

you know, it would matter a lot.

I'd have cut your balls off,

and got Ant & Dec round
to make you eat them,

like my very own Bushtucker Trial.

- Wow, you really thought
about that, haven't you?

- Yeah, I have, and don't you forget it.

But, you know, I screwed up, too.

I was the one that just
decided to change things,

and left you no choice.

I don't listen to you sometimes.

I do take the mickey out of you, and,

and I'm sorry.

I'm going to change.

- I'm gonna change, too.

- No, I don't want you to.

- Well, I don't want you to change either.

Well, I do, but then it will,

but I don't, because if
you did, then you, well--

- Well, maybe we should
both just change a bit,

basically stay the same.

Perfect.

- And, you know, we'll work
something out with the kids.

There are all sorts of school clubs and--

- Do you mind if we don't talk
about childcare right now?

It's just, it's gonna be another 50 years

before me and you are alone in this house,

and I'd really like to take you upstairs,

and make mad, passionate love.

- Oh!

Oh, no, wait, we can't.

There's a pizza coming in 15 minutes.

- Yeah, um, 15 minute will be plenty.

Oh, yeah, of
course, what was I thinking?

Hey, you do know

that nothing would've really
happened with Alice anyway,

because she so didn't fancy you.

- Uh, I'm pretty sure she did.

- There you go.
- All right, thank you.

- Thank you.
- Cheers.

Sorry, sir, I'm
a bit late, I'm in B3.

That's all right, yeah.

- Who are you, Peter Bachman?

- Oh, uh, do you mind
if I tell you who I am

after the show, Pauline Paradise?

It's just that it's about to start,

and these tickets weren't cheap.

- Why didn't you get
married in the first place?

Are you religious, do you like gardening?

I need to understand you.

I've spent 41 years with a man

I don't think I ever really knew.

I don't want that to happen again.

- Well, it might.

You can't do anything
about that, neither can I.

Love is a risk.

- Love, who said anything about love?

- Well, friendship then.

This romantic friendship.

Is that acceptable?

- I'll get back to you.

- All we can do is take
it one step at a time.

I don't know if things

are gonna work out between us, Pauline.

All I do know is, I really
hope they do, because, um,

you're funny, and passionate, and, um,

a little bit crazy, and,

very, very beautiful.

Ah.

- Film's about to start.

- Yeah, well, let it, I can't stand ABBA.

I was only trying to look interesting.