Original subtitles

Previously on Desperate Housewives.

A tragic event led to the end of a marriage...

He's dating a friend of mine?

... and the pain of moving on.

Medical wonders were promised...

If we remove that bone fragment, you could regain your sight.

... both large and small.

My husband has agreed to the procedure you suggested.

Oh, the one to alleviate his snoring?

Detectives...

And a devastating lie was told.

The night of the fire I saw somebody come out.

His name is Porter Scavo.

One morning, it occurred to Lynette Scavo

she could not remember

the last time her family had breakfast together,

so Lynette did what any mother would do in that situation.

See you later, Mom.

The first person who steps foot out that door will lose a leg.

She threatened her family with violence.

That was delicious, but I did promise Chrissy I'd walk her to school today.

Oh! You are such a gentleman. Sit your ass down.

Dad, make Mom let me go.

Everyone at this table who thinks I have the power

to make your mom do anything, raise your hand.

Wish I could've helped.

Look, this family has been through a lot lately,

and your dad and I feel we'll be better parents

if we know what's going on in your lives.

So, Parker, how's that science project you've been working on?

- Hey. Can I help you? - Is this the residence of Porter Scavo?

- Yeah. Why? - I'm Porter Scavo.

Sir, can you step outside? Can you step outside?

- Porter Scavo, you are under arrest. - What?

- You have the right to remain silent. - Wait! What's going on?

Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to step back.

Okay, guys, look, if this is about Warren Schilling's bar,

Porter had nothing to do with that fire.

Apparently, there's a witness that says otherwise.

A witness? Our...

Now will you please step back and let us do our job.

If you give up that right, anything you say

can and will be used against you in a court of law.

A witness? What're they talking about?

It's gonna be okay. We'll call a lawyer. We'll get through this.

Lynette Scavo couldn't remember

the last time her family had breakfast together.

I guess we're done talking about my science project, huh?

Yes, sweetie. We are.

And she couldn't know it would be many years

before her family would have breakfast together again.

It's an awful thing to live in the dark,

unable to see what others take for granted,

but sometimes, for a lucky few, a flicker of light pierces that darkness

and brings with it the promise of better days to come.

- Do you see anything? - I see light

and some fuzzy shapes.

That's it?

That's all he can expect to see right now,

but if he's able to see that much, it won't be long till his full sight returns.

- Well, can you see me, babe? - Just your silhouette.

I can tell you've cut your hair short.

It kind of makes your ears stick out, but I like it.

Carlos, that's the doctor. I'm right here.

It doesn't matter. I can see something other than nothing.

This is a good day.

Now remember, his eyes will be very sensitive for the next few weeks,

so low light indoors, dark glasses outside.

Uh, Doctor, we are very grateful, so don't take this the wrong way, but...

Well, your septum looks great.

And you say your snoring is gone. I think we're in good shape.

Will we need to come in for a follow-up?

Nope, I think we're done.

You know, I always tell my patients I'm going to miss them,

but this time I really mean it.

Oh, we feel the same way about you. You've been lovely.

Ah! Please excuse me.

- What are you doing? - Leaving the man a thank-you card.

For a doctor?

He helped you through a very difficult time.

The least we can do is let him know how much we appreciate...

What the hell is this?

You're living with the man? Since when?

Um, Alex moved in six months ago.

Why the secrecy? Did you think I'd disapprove?

The man's a doctor, for heaven's sake. You've done better than I did!

That was a bit of a drive-by.

I'm just trying to understand how my son

could keep a secret like this from his own mother.

Mom, come on. I mean, since I came out,

you haven't shown the slightest interest in my love life.

Of course I have.

Handing me a pamphlet on the resurgence of gonorrhea,

that's not what I'm talking about.

Think about it. Have you even once asked if I was dating someone?

Well...

You see? You didn't really want to know, and that's why I didn't tell you.

Well, I want to know now,

so that's why I'm having you and Alex over to dinner tomorrow night.

- What? - Yes, if he's a part of your life,

I want to get to know him.

- I think I'll serve fish. - Actually, I said it wrong.

Um, I think it's kind of cool the way that you ignore my love life.

Nice try. Tell Alex we dress for dinner.

Mom, please don't.

Andrew, you can't criticize my parenting

and then deny me the chance to make up for it.

Orson and I will expect you at 8:00.

Okay.

Are you sure you want me there, too? I mean, after all, I'm only a dentist.

Oh, for God's sake, Orson. Let it go!

MJ, hurry up. Your dad's here.

Hey, Katherine. What are you doing here?

Well, I'm a big zoo fan,

and when Mike said he was taking MJ, I asked if I could tag along.

- So is that okay? - Of course.

Why wouldn't it be okay? I think it's

great.

Really, really great.

Sweetie, good news. Katherine's gonna go to the zoo with you.

Why does she have to go?

Uh...

Well, she and your daddy are friends, and the more the merrier.

I just want Daddy.

Oh, you got me, pal. Hey, we're going to have a great time.

And we'll show Katherine that funny swing the monkey goes on.

Oh! That sounds so cool. Will you show me that?

- I guess. - Okay, let's go.

Oh, don't forget his coat.

- I'll find some way to get him to like me. - I'm sure you will.

Boy, I'll bet the gift shop at the zoo just loves divorce.

- So, how are you doing, son? - Not so good.

Okay, well, don't worry. Bob here has agreed to represent you.

And when we're done here, I'm going to go to the D.A.,

and we're going to start talking about bail.

But first I gotta ask you a few questions.

Like why do the police have a witness?

Lynette...

The D.A. Says you were spotted coming out of the storage room,

right before the fire started.

- What gives? - I don't know what they're talking about.

- I have an alibi. - You do? Great. Great.

- Why haven't you told anyone this? - It's just so embarrassing.

You are up for manslaughter,

and you're worried about being embarrassed?

If we can verify your story, I can probably get the charges dropped.

We wouldn't even need bail. So where were you?

I was at Edie Britt's.

Oh, please, tell me you're not having sex with her, too!

- Dad... - What's wrong with girls your own age?

Do you know what I would give to date a 17-year-old?

Okay, we're gonna talk about that later. You were saying?

I'm not having sex with Edie.

After I left the club, I went to her house,

but only so I could break in and steal her gun.

Why would you do that?

Mr. Schilling beat up Anne and then humiliated me.

I wanted to scare the hell out of him, just to wipe that smug look off his face,

but when I got back to the club, it was on fire,

so I went home and hid the gun in Mom's flour jar.

Anyway, that's my alibi.

Think that'll help?

- Did anyone see you do this? - No.

Then this is really not an alibi. It's more a confession to another crime.

Oh!

- Well, you missed it. - Missed what?

Porter Scavo got arrested today. I knew he set that fire.

- Poor Lynette. - "Poor Lynette" my ass.

Poor seven people who got burned to death.

Boy, I wouldn't want to be in Lynette's shoes right now.

Can you imagine what she's going through?

I mean, he is her son, so she's kind of responsible.

God, the guilt she must be feeling.

Dave! What the hell! You're bleeding!

Oh!

Okay, come on, in the house. Let's get this cleaned up.

Come here.

You're just going to sneak it back into Edie's house? What are you, crazy?

Tom, if you're going to freak out, can you do that in the other room?

I'm kind of busy here.

What has happened to us?

I mean, we're posting bail, returning stolen guns.

When did this become our life?

If Edie reports this gun missing, you don't have to be

the sharpest cop on the force to figure out where to start looking,

and that's the last thing we need right now.

Thank God for you, Lynette. You always know what to do in a crisis.

Well, I try.

You're my rock, Lynette. You know that, don't you?

Tom, your rock is trying to get fingerprints off a weapon. You mind?

Thanks.

You're home kind of early. Is everything okay?

Go up to your room.

I'll come in in a minute, and we will talk about what happened.

What did happen?

MJ threw his hot fudge sundae at Katherine.

Seriously?

That's terrible. Is she okay?

Well, she's got nuts and whipped cream all in her hair,

and that little plastic coconut bowl scratched her forehead.

- Susan. - I'm sorry.

The image in my mind is probably way funnier than what actually happened.

- Why did MJ do that? - I don't know.

Katherine and I were talking about spending Christmas in Bermuda,

and she said she didn't want to go

because she thinks she doesn't look good in a bathing suit,

and I said she could be on the cover of Sports Illustrated,

and, bam, MJ throws his dessert.

- That's the worst thing I've ever heard. - Well, he is only five.

No, I'm talking about that line you fed her. Sports Illustrated?

What was the issue about? The Senior Olympics?

I'm going to talk to MJ.

I mean, I could see her on the cover of Menopause Monthly.

Everything is still a little blurry.

I can only make out like shapes and shadows,

but in a week or so, everything should be clear as a bell.

Wow, the whole thing's like a miracle.

And Gabby has been so patient through all of this.

She's really been an angel.

Damn it, Carlos! What are you, a moron?

I hear a little voice from heaven now.

Why aren't you wearing your blackout glasses?

The doctor said your eyes can't be exposed to any light.

I can only handle my husband going blind once per marriage.

Whoops!

- Was that my baseball? - Yeah, I got it.

- What do you think? Pretty cool, huh? - Uh, yeah. It's round.

Look at it. It was signed by Lou Gehrig.

Um...

Oh! Lookee there. Lou Gehrig. Wow.

It was a gift passed down from my grandfather to my father, then to me.

It was? I didn't know that.

I thought it was some stupid collector's item.

No.

That's why I wouldn't let you sell it when we were low on cash.

Uh, Carlos, I think it's time to put your eye drops in.

- Why don't you go do that? - Excuse me, ladies.

Don't look at me that way. I did what I had to do.

Gabby, you never sell a man's autographed baseball.

The car needed tires.

How was I supposed to know he was gonna get his sight back?

I mean, of all the rotten luck.

- Who did you sell the ball to? - I don't know. Some Italian guy.

Hey! Mike's into baseball.

He must know someone who can track down this Lou Gehrig guy

and get him to sign a new one.

What?

That's okay.

- What's going on? Is there news? - The judge just set bail.

- Oh! Thank God. How much? - $20,000.

That's high.

Where are we gonna get that kind of money?

I guess we'll have to tap our emergency fund.

We've got 14 grand in there.

We got another 800 more in the Christmas club.

Look, we'll scrape it together.

Oh, God. I've got to get to the restaurant.

Lynette, can you go to the bank and take care of that?

- Oh... Sure. - Okay, good.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

Okay. Well, I'll notify the judge that you intend to post bail.

- Wait. Slow down. - What?

You're my lawyer, so anything I tell you is in confidence, right?

Well, technically, I'm Porter's lawyer, so don't...

Just go with me on this. There is no emergency fund.

I gave that money to Anne Schilling so she'd leave town,

and Tom has no idea.

Okay, just so I have this straight,

you paid off a potential witness to get her to flee?

- Hey, whose lawyer are you, anyway? - Again, I'm Porter's.

What am I supposed to do?

Where am I going to get that bail money?

You could go to a bail bondsman. Put up the house as collateral.

No. The house is mortgaged to the teeth.

Well, there's the restaurant.

I guess I have no other choice.

But again, this is all in the strictest confidence.

Remember, you are my lawyer, not Tom's.

- Actually, Lynette, I'm... - Shut up!

So, you see, it belonged to my husband's grandfather,

and if I don't get it back,

I am telling you I'm gonna be in the crapper.

Hmm.

- Per nulla. - Per nulla.

What does that mean?

Per nulla means "no way." I'm sorry.

Oh, please! This is important!

What? What's he saying?

He'd like to watch you dance.

What?

On the table.

Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna have to call a big fat per nulla on that one.

- Oh, hi, Lynette. - Hey.

I'm so sorry about Porter. If there's anything that we can do...

Well, actually, I wanted to borrow

Edie's yellow sweater for the arraignment.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, Edie's not here.

Well, is it okay if I go up and get it?

- Yeah. Sure. Go ahead. - Thanks.

Please, you have to leave.

This isn't a good time, okay?

All right, I'll come see you tomorrow.

Just know that I still love you. That will never change.

Well, let me start by saying

it's so nice to see you in a social setting, Dr. Cominis.

- Please, I insist you call me Alex now. - All right then, Alex.

Look at you two, sitting so far apart. Scooch over.

Uh...

Mom, we don't need to scooch.

Well, I just want you to know, if you need to scooch, Alex,

I'm okay with scooching and the rest of it.

Uh...

Mom, as much as we appreciate your tolerance,

we can wait until we get home to make out.

Well, I just want you boys to know that I am comfortable with your lifestyle.

Now who would like a strawberry daiquiri?

Are you expecting someone?

Orson and I thought it would be nice

to share this special occasion with some dear friends.

Looking good as usual.

Bob and Lee? What, are you sponsoring a float?

Bree, will you handle the introductions, and I will check on dinner?

Bob Hunter, Lee McDermott,

I would like you to meet Andrew's new life partner, Dr. Alex Cominis.

- Hey. - Ooh! A doctor.

He's a plastic surgeon.

- Mmm-hmm. Did you hear that, Bob? - I like my eyes the way they are.

You're so touchy.

- Have we met? - Mmm... Not that I recall.

No, we have. I can't think where, though.

I hear the gym is a popular meeting place.

- No, it's not that. - Oh!

My mistake.

I must have you confused with someone else.

Dinner's ready. Shall we?

- Not so fast. Do you know that guy? - Yes.

- Oh, my God! You're right. It is him. - Mmm-hmm.

Carlos, what's wrong?

Gabby, I can see them.

- What? - I can make out colors and shapes.

Everything's starting to come into focus.

Oh, my God, that's wonderful!

Look at all my girls! You're right. She does look like Mama.

- I told you. - Daddy, now you can watch me dance.

I know, I can't wait! It's amazing.

I can make out almost everything. The fireplace, our dining table.

Where's the painting that we bought in Greece?

Oh! I had to sell it a few months ago so I could make the mortgage. I'm sorry.

I don't care about things.

I can see my family. That's what's important.

Oh, really? That makes me feel so much better.

You wouldn't believe all the stupid things I've been worrying about.

- Like what? - It's silly. I sold that baseball of yours.

But you're right. You can see, and that's all that matters.

You sold my Lou Gehrig baseball?

Yeah, but it's just a thing. We don't care about things.

Right, right. But it was my father's, and his father's before him.

Yeah, and I know that now, but...

Juanita, dance for your dad!

Juanita, actually, why don't you take your sister

and go to the kitchen and get some cookies?

I'll be there in a minute.

This is a very special day for all of us, so I'm not gonna get mad.

I'm just gonna say that I don't know

what was going through that featherhead of yours,

but I want that baseball back. Got it?

Hey! This featherhead kept this family afloat for five years.

You have no idea what I had to do to keep this roof over our heads.

Look, there were two things that I asked you not to sell.

- My baseball and my watch. - I didn't sell your watch!

Only because you couldn't get it off my wrist, you little thief!

Gabby, you lied. I want that baseball back,

and you're gonna get it!

And you might want to lower the middle finger.

- I can see now, remember? - Right. Damn.

Bree, that was hands-down the best dinner I've ever had in my life.

You are so sweet.

You know, Bree is the number-one caterer in Fairview.

Oh, that's right. Do you do weddings?

Ow!

- I wasn't going to say anything. - Say anything about what?

Uh, nothing. Nothing.

We're going to have to tell them sometime.

Oh, my goodness, are you two...

Yes, yes, we're getting married.

And I hate you.

- Oh, my God. - Congratulations.

Wow. - See how excited they are?

Why would you want to keep it a secret?

I am going to handle everything for this wedding.

That's why.

Now, let me give my new son-in-law a hug.

Butt out.

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to go get a pie that you are going to love.

And you two are going to help me.

All right, you two, what is going on?

- What are you talking about? - Don't give me that.

You've been whispering to each other all night.

- You obviously know Alex. How? - It's not important.

The man is going to marry my son.

If there is something about him I should know, I want to hear it.

Now, please.

We think we saw him in an adult movie.

By adult, do you mean complex and sophisticated?

No, we mean gay porn.

What?

We saw this movie, Rear Deployment.

- All the actors played soldiers. - Bob likes uniforms, so...

Oh, thank you.

No, no, no. This can't possibly be true. The man is a doctor. Are you sure?

- Well, we might be wrong. - No. We rented it last month.

We paid the late charges. Trust me, that's him.

I just don't think they should advertise something

with a lifetime guarantee if it's gonna break after four months.

Or maybe you used your corkscrew as much in four months

as most people do in a lifetime. Ever think of that?

Your mommy lashes out at people prettier than she is.

You ever notice that?

- Hi. - Hey.

Hey, Katherine. What a cute top.

- So where're you guys off to? Bowling.

Come on, buddy. Let's get your jacket.

By the way, I don't think you're gonna have any problem.

- I had a little talk with MJ. - I'm sure you did.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means things would be a lot easier with MJ

if you weren't talking trash about me and Mike dating.

What? I don't do that.

Really? MJ always liked me before, and then I start seeing Mike,

and suddenly I'm taking incoming rocky road.

All right. Let's go knock over some pins. See you, ladies.

Bye.

What? I have never said a negative word about them dating, ever.

I believe you. It's just you don't have to say anything.

It's the way you act when she's around. Kids pick up on that stuff.

- What do you mean, the way I act? - "Oh, Katherine, what a cute top!"

Kid translation, "Have a nice time at the bowling alley with my ex, whore."

Okay, it's a little uncomfortable, this whole situation.

I mean, if MJ's picking up on it, how am I supposed to fix that?

I didn't say anything about fixing it.

Two of my friends involved in a nasty catfight,

I live for that stuff.

Thanks for the corkscrew.

There you go, sweetie. Is that tight enough?

I guess.

What is going on? Why were you on the phone so long?

- Um... Susan's coming. - What? Why?

Well, she wants MJ to see us all having a good time together.

That way, he might be more accepting of you and me.

- I suppose that's not a terrible idea. - I think it's a good idea.

She feels like she's been sending the wrong signals,

and she wants to make up for it.

Well, it's nice of her to try.

But just how much of a show is she planning to put on for...

Hey, everybody. Are we ready to have the best time ever?

Don't fall down, okay? I'm not carrying you home.

I'm fine. Stop worrying.

Hey, look who just got bailed out.

You've got a lot of balls, kid.

You nail my wife, you break up my family, you burn down my business.

I didn't burn down your club.

And you can accuse me all you want, but I'm not going to jail.

If I were you, I'd want to go there. It's a hell of a lot safer.

Otherwise, someday, you'll be walking home from school

or work or your buddy's house, and you'll just disappear.

Poof!

If they ask me about it, you know what I'm gonna tell them?

I was at the movies.

Enjoy your freedom.

- And we throw it right down the middle. - Okay.

- No gutter balls. - Right.

- They're getting along great, huh? - You're welcome.

Hey, I admit it. You being here does seem to be helping.

- You're welcome. - Okay, let it go, all right?

Look at him.

Remember when he needed one of those little kiddy balls

the size of a cantaloupe? He's getting so big.

I know. You know, that Colts jersey you bought him doesn't fit anymore.

No. God...

I'm gonna try it.

How did that little pee-wee we brought back from the hospital

turn into this bruiser?

Mike, I need you. I got another split.

What did I say about aiming the ball?

I don't remember. Come show me.

Yeah, be right there.

Hey, there. Do you have a second?

- Now where did you get that? - A video store I will never return to.

Are you aware that one of the stars of this film is...

Yes, I know about Alex's movie, Mom.

- You do? - Yeah, he told me a long time ago.

He calls it the biggest mistake he's ever made.

Why would he...

Well, he couldn't afford the tuition to med school,

and he was approached by this so-called director, and well...

Anyway, I would appreciate it if you didn't let on that you know.

And you're okay with this?

Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, we both know

that I have sort of an interesting past myself,

so, you know, glass houses, stones.

Not to mention the fact that I love him. Very much.

So, he's the one?

Yes, Mom. Even with his sordid past, he's the one.

Why did you bring this here?

You're going to marry him.

I thought he wasn't being honest with you.

I wanted to protect you, so I...

So you decided to meddle in my love life?

Yes.

You know what, Mom?

This might be about the nicest thing you've ever done for me.

Come here.

I mean, not every boy can say

that his mother's willing to rent gay porn for them.

Yes, which reminds me, that needs to be back by 3:00. Could you...

Absolutely. You've got to avoid those late fees.

Oh! You know, I can have Alex autograph this for you, if you want.

Just take it back.

Mrs. Solis, may I help you with something?

Get your boss.

There!

You got it back? Wow.

- Why are you limping? - Fell off a table.

Don't want to talk about it.

What took you so long?

I just wanted to coach Porter a little bit before the arraignment.

- What's he doing? - He needed some time to himself.

I'll meet you inside.

You might want to give him a moment. I think he's pretty nervous.

- That's because he's Preston. - What?

Oh, crap.

- Hey, Mom. Dad. - Hey, Preston.

- Oh! You know? - Of course we know!

What the hell is going on? Where's Porter?

- He took off. - What?

He was scared out of his mind. He didn't know what to do,

so he left town and asked me if I'd help him give him a head start.

Do you have any idea how bad this is? We had to post bail.

If the judge finds out Porter skipped town, we're going to lose a lot.

Guys, guys, they're calling us.

Well, you know what? He's gonna find out, right now,

because you are not going in there.

I'd rather forfeit the bail than risk having two of my kids go to jail.

- Tom. - No.

Bob will just tell the judge what happened.

We'll take the hit, and we'll go forward. It's just money.

It's not just money.

What are you talking about?

Hey! Come on. We're up.

Okay, look.

You know how you're always saying I know what to do in a crisis?

Here's what we're going to do. You, no questions.

You. You're Porter now. Let's go in.

Come on. Come on.

You like it?

It's beautiful. Where did it come from?

I bought it today. It's yours.

What? We can't afford this.

I sold the baseball.

You never told me things had gotten so bad.

You were blind and depressed. I didn't want to add to it.

Thank you for taking such good care of us.

I plan on spending the rest of my life making it up to you.

First thing tomorrow, I'm selling my watch,

so I can buy you some new shoes to go with that dress.

You should know that watch is a knock-off.

I sold the real one two years ago to get the roof fixed.

So, how's Katherine's foot?

Well, she's kind of got a psychedelic toenail, but she'll be fine,

which doesn't excuse what you did, mister.

What's going on?

Sweetie, if you're worried that I don't like

your daddy spending time with Katherine, don't be.

- I think it's great. - But they can't be together.

Why not?

Because you and Mommy are getting back together.

- What? - That's what Mommy said.

Um...

Hey, I've got an idea.

Why don't you go make a get-well card for Katherine's foot?

- Okay. - Okay.

- I can totally explain this. I swear. - I'm listening.

It was, I don't know, about a month after you moved out.

It was bedtime, I was trying to read to him, but he only wanted you.

And he was crying so hard, and he kept asking me

if you were ever coming back, and so I finally said maybe you would.

- I just didn't want him to be so sad. - Oh, Susan.

- I didn't even think he remembered it. - Of course he remembers it.

How could you say that to him?

Because we have never said it.

What?

We've never looked each other in the eye

and said that there is no chance we're ever getting back together.

Okay. Maybe we haven't, but we moved on.

- Did we? - Susan, what are you doing?

You're with Jackson now. I'm with Katherine.

What are you doing?

I don't know. I...

You don't ever think about it?

I've gotta go check on Katherine.

It's an awful thing to live in darkness,

unable to see what others take for granted,

but if we are lucky, the darkness lifts,

and we can finally see the secret sacrifices made by our wives,

the surprising progress made by our mothers

or the unintended consequences of our own actions,

but there are those who prefer the darkness,

because there they see only what they choose to see.

I know it must seem like I've forgotten about you,

but you have to know I think about you every day.

I live for you, just like always,

but I have a plan, so I hope you can wait a little longer.

I'll be with you soon,

but first Mike Delfino has to pay for taking you away from me.

And I need just the right moment to do it.

He destroyed what I loved the most,

and I want him to feel that hurt. I want him to lose what I lost.