Original subtitles

Dude, do you know they make silent window shades?

Some woman in Washington invented them

back in the early '90s.

Since when is the sound of opening and closing shades

so disruptive that it has to be alleviated?

Why do you have to hate on other peoples triumphs of innovation?

Weird. It's not weird, it's selfish

and more than a little petty.

No, not that, come take a look at this.

Man, this better not be another auction

for one of Stoney Jackson's neckerchiefs.

It's not, Shawn.

This came in on the Psych account.

The sender is "me-at-under-the-nail- dot-com."

I'm pretty sure it's not spam.

Well, what's the attachment?

Cinnamon festival.

The Great Northern.

I'm not familiar with that publication.

What, you know every small town newspaper in California?

Actually, | do, Shawn.

Ridgecrest? The Daily Independent.

Shawnopolis. That doesn't exist.

Yet.

| just need 50,000 signatures and a large plot of land.

Well, look up this town, Dual Spires.

| mean, how can there be a cinnamon festival that we've never heard of?

Zoom in.

Zoom in again.

Keep zooming. lam, Shawn.

Dude, this town is so small that it's in parenthesis.

How the heck did we get this email?

It's a delicious mystery.

Think about it, a tiny little town

we've never even heard of?

What's your schedule look like?

I'm open till my route tomorrow.

Let's see here.

You think they'll have monkey bread?

Yes, | do. What?

I'm good till next WrestleMania.

We circled three times.

There's no road that leads to Dual Spires.

| don't think this place exists.

| think someone with the knowledge

of our cinnamon weakness is messing with us.

| wouldn't call it a weakness.

| mean, there's the world's tastiest spice, Gus.

The job after nutmeg is quite significant.

Dude, we're going for a walk

in a forest.

(BOTH PANTING)

(GROANS)

Dude.

SHAWN: Half a mile from the nearest road.

GUS: No wonder it's in parenthesis.

This is one secluded town.

Let's get some cinnamon.

Wow. Everyone looks so happy,

and yet, so perplexed.

GUS: Something's off about this place, Shawn.

People keep looking,

like I'm the first black man they've seen.

Come on, Gus. Don't be absurd.

Hey mister, are you Frederick Douglass?

Shawn, we need to get out of here.

Nah, let's get something to eat.

(SLOW COUNTRY SONG PLAYING)

Hey, top of the morning to you, boys.

Robert Barker. You can call me Bob.

Just passing through?

We're here for the festival.

We take our cinnamon very seriously.

Well, then you're in luck, because so do we.

Ninety years running.

Why do you call your diner The Sawmill?

‘Cause that's what it used to be.

Most of it burned down back in '58.

Granddad turned it into this place,

and now it's just a bit of a local landmark.

We just need a little something

to hold us over until show time,

so, uh, what's good?

How about a cup

of the best pipin' hot apple cider

this side of the Mississippi

and a slice of cinnamon pie that may just bring tears?

Two slices of cinnamon pie, hon.

That's the wife. Isn't she a peach?

Ah, I'll get that cider. (LAUGHS)

Bob's a real Chatty Cathy. You think?

You should check your email.

See if our secret pal sent us any cinnamon comps.

I'm afraid you won't have much luck with those here.

Sheriff Andrew Jackson.

You know, we had the opportunity

to put up some of those fancy towers,

but folks decided a basic landline was fine with them.

| couldn't help but overhear

that you're in town for the festival.

It's rare to get visitors.

Well, we heard all about it on underthenail.com.

We don't have the Internet in Dual Spires.

It's simpler that way.

Dude, we're doing Witness. They were Amish.

Not Danny Glover, he was black.

What are you talking about?

Well, we are happy you're here, nevertheless.

It should be a heck of a celebration.

Two slices of cinnamon pie.

Oh, thank you.

Well, we'll see you at the festival.

Sheriff.

What's the verdict?

Really?

Mmm.

Oh, mother of God.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm.

(BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

Dude, that owl is made entirely of cinnamon.

Which means that it is both wise and delicious.

ANDREW: Let's have a nice, warm round of applause

for Mayor Douglas Fir.

And, this year's festival mascot,

Leo, the cinnamon owl.

You found the monkey bread. You know that's right.

And now, the moment | know you've all been waiting for.

It's time to announce this year's Cinnamon King.

Who-oo will it be?

ALL: Who, who, who?

Oh, who are we kidding?

Put your hands together

for the future leader of Dual Spires.

A young man that needs no introduction,

come up and claim your crown, Randy.

MAN: That's my boy.

What's 24 times 12?

Two-eighty-eight. Why?

There's a chair here for every person in town.

Three are empty. Sheriff's talking, so that's one.

Check it out.

There's one right next to the Barkers.

Hey. Hey, you found the monkey bread.

Yeah.

Mrs. Barker, is everything okay?

(SOBBING) No. Everything is not okay.

BOB: Shelley. What?

| can't just sit here and pretend to be excited

about churros and Leo the cinnamon owl.

| sense someone is missing.

Yeah. Our niece, Paula.

She's been gone about a day and a half.

Everyone keeps telling us not to panic.

She's a teenager.

Wait, what did you mean, you sensed it?

Mr. and Mrs. Barker, | have a confession to make.

I'm not just a cinnamon enthusiast.

I'm also a psychic detective.

And this is my partner, Lodge Blackmunn.

Can you find Paula?

Perhaps. Oh!

| got a little something under the nail.

Right here, under... Under the nail.

We are available for hire.

We don't have much money.

None of us do, here.

We believe it complicates things.

Well, we have been known to work for cider or pie in the past.

Oh, of course. As much as you'd like.

We will find your niece.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Who is supposed to be sitting over there?

Oh, that's Paula's best friend, Jack.

I'm not sure where he is.

Would this be...

Something happened at the lake.

Something happened at the lake!

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

It's Paula.

(CRYING) | Know it Is.

ANDREW: Jack just discovered her, about an hour ago, Doc.

So young.

My God, Andrew.

(SIGHS)

Jack, is this how you found her?

No, sir. She was half naked.

It wasn't right. | didn't want people to see her like that.

I'm sorry.

Oh, now I've got to let the Barkers through.

(GASPS)

No! (CRYING)

SHELLEY: No, my baby.

BOB: Paula.

(CRYING) Paula!

Paula.

Come on, dude.

You know I'm a sympathetic crier, Shawn.

Just leave me be.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Dude, | have a bar. (SOBBING)

(MESSAGE TONE BEEPS)

And an email.

Gus, we weren't called here for a cinnamon festival.

In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity

I'm not inclined to resign to maturity

If it's all right then you're all wrong

But why bounce around to the same damn song?

You'd rather run when you can't crawl

| know, you know

| know, you know

I'm guessing the time of death was

sometime night before last.

Doc Gooden will do a full autopsy.

You Know she won't miss a thing, Bob.

But | suspect what we will find

is that Paula went swimming after curfew,

like she always did,

and got pulled under by the current

and hit her head.

I'm gonna rule it an accident for now.

She must have snuck out.

Bob, we both know she's been sneaking out

just about every night since she got here.

Listen, why don't you take Michelle on home.

She's gonna need you to be strong now.

I'll get Deputy Frost to take you back in the rickshaw.

I'm so, So sorry, Bob.

Looks like we won't be needing your services after all, boys.

Mr. Barker, | am sensing

there is more to Paula's death than meets the eye.

What are you saying?

That she...

Oh, my God.

We'd like to stick around. See what we see.

Feel what we feel.

Okay.

If someone hurt Paula,

we sure as hell want to know about it.

I'm also sensing that Paula didn't grow up here in Dual Spires.

May | ask where she was before?

Paula lived in Santa Barbara till she was 11.

Well, you have our condolences,

and we will be in touch.

| think your ride is here.

The earth is soft and moist.

(MESSAGE TONE BEEPS)

That is so bizarre.

It's like | only have reception in this spot.

In all my years of police work,

I've never seen anything like it.

| Know.

Our new station manager is an angel sent from heaven.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

O'Hara. Yes, Detective O'Hara.

Shawn Spencer calling.

Did you just use both of our last names? Don't be weird.

Okay, Miss O'Hara.

Detective. Shawn.

Look, I'm really struggling with the whole work formal thing.

What are you wearing?

Okay, you just took it from one awkward extreme to another.

| need you to run a name for a girl.

Used to live in Santa Barbara.

Paula Merral. Two "r''s.

Sure, is everything okay?

Yeah, absolutely.

I'm gonna have to call you back, though,

‘cause there's not really reception up here.

(DISTORTED) Up where?

Hello?

Jules.

Shawn?

Wow, it really is just the one spot.

Your conversations with Juliet

are too uncomfortable to listen to now.

I'm calling next time. Fine.

Look, if we're going to accomplish anything in this town,

we are gonna need wheels.

Shawn, we have reached a new low point in our life.

Are you kidding me? It's like Driving Miss Daisy.

Except you get to be Miss Daisy.

| don't want to be Miss Daisy, Shawn.

That means you're... | don't wanna be Hoke either.

| guess you could be Ackroyd.

| don't wanna be in the movie, Shawn.

Looks like the doctor stays pretty busy.

Guess you're out of luck if you need a massage.

Good job saving your receipts, Patrick.

May | help you, gentlemen?

Hello, Doc Gooden.

My partner, plus too much

cinnamon monkey bread equals tummy shame.

(EXHALES IN PAIN) Can you help us?

I'll see him after my next patient.

(SQUAWKS)

(GROANING)

Doc, this could get ugly fast.

All right.

Sheriff Jackson mentioned we had

a couple of visitors in town today.

You are aware the cinnamon festival has been cancelled.

Oh, yes.

We heard there was some sort of tragedy.

Must be so difficult

in asmall, happy town like Dual Spires.

Put this on and then lay face down on my table.

Uh, well you know... Ah, ahh!

Actually, | think...

Snap to it.

(WHISPERING) I'm not putting this on.

(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

Fine.

So how well did you know the girl?

I'm sorry, | don't know why | do that.

| can just sense that you have a heavy heart.

I'm a woman of science.

And law.

And accounting.

But that doesn't mean that | don't feel.

(GLOVE SNAPS)

Paula was a troubled young girl.

| wish | could have done more to help her.

You were her psychiatrist?

You ask a lot of questions.

It's just... | recently lost someone myself.

He was murdered too, so | know how difficult...

Paula wasn't murdered. Who told you that?

Oh, no one.

| just assumed, because...

| haven't done an autopsy yet.

There are no obvious signs of foul play.

I'm sorry, | didn't mean to...

No, it's not you.

Like | said, she was a troubled young girl.

She had a dangerous side.

Nothing scared her.

Not even dying.

You think she may have taken her own...

No, | can't bear that thought.

(SIGHING) I've said too much to a stranger.

| should be ashamed.

For caring?

No, you shouldn't.

(FARTING SOUND)

(FARTING CONTINUES)

(MOANING WITH RELIEF)

You know, | actually feel better.

The myna bird can come in now.

You swear you made that sound through your mouth?

Yes, Shawn, | figured it was the path of least resistance.

Seems like a missed opportunity.

What's up next?

We need to find Our cinnamon king.

That kid has a secret.

What did grandma tell you

about wandering off in the store?

Oh, come on.

| was getting ready to say...

That would have been too much.

(HORSE SNORTING)

Shawn, this town is getting weirder by the minute.

Dude. That's him.

Dude, that's our guy.

Oh, Sheriff.

Didn't expect to see you here.

| live here. What do you mean?

Of course you do. Oh...

You're Randy's father.

Yes, wow.

You guys have Bob Barker, Doc Gooden, and Randy Jackson.

All living in the same inlet town

with no cars, cell phones, or internet.

Shawn, we need to pitch this to Mark Burnett.

You fellas realize the festival is canceled.

As you know, we lost someone very dear to us today.

That's actually why we dropped by, Sheriff.

You see, Gus and | are grief counselors back in the big city.

GUS: And you all have been so kind and welcoming to us

that we figured the least we could do

would be to offer our services before we left town.

Well, come on in, fellas.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah.

I'll confess, Randy and | haven't been communicating

too well as of late.

| Know he's hurting, but he won't talk to me.

You know, it wasn't too long ago

that Gus and | were Randy's age.

It was a pretty long time ago.

Ah, it wasn't that long ago.

You like to think so.

| can't do this with you right now. Fine.

He's upstairs in his room.

We'll give it a shot.

So my dad hired you to shake me down, right?

I'm fine. | barely knew Paula.

Then why did the two of you share secret, special lover earrings?

Come on, Randy. How long had you been seeing her?

Who are you?

A couple of guys with a passion for the truth.

And cinnamon.

We'd been together six months.

Why was it a secret?

It's complicated.

| get it. It's Pretty in Pink. You're Andrew McCarthy.

Who's Andrew McCarthy?

That's fair.

Where were you the night Paula died?

| was at the library, studying.

The librarian can confirm it.

Do you always study so late on a Friday?

I'm at the library almost every night.

I've been taking correspondence courses.

| need a business degree to be a good leader.

That's true.

| never could have hurt her.

(SIGHING)

| loved Paula.

We were gonna see the world together.

I'm gonna be so lost without her.

(SOBBING) Oh, Paula.

Paula.

Paula.

Paula.

Paula.

That's a little dramatic, don't you...

(SOBBING)

You have a problem.

(SIGHING)

Excuse us.

(SHUSHING)

(WHISPERING) Keep your voice down, please.

It's just us and you.

Just a bunch of words on paper to you guys, right?

Wrong.

Each is alive with a story to tell.

Listen.

(LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you guys.

Thanks for playing along. That's really sweet.

I'm Maudette Hornsby.

Isn't cherry the best?

(SLURPING)

The best what?

Everything, silly.

| thought you were psychic.

lam. I'm the psychic.

But how did you know that?

Mmm, word travels.

You know, we don't get a lot of gossip around here.

So untimely death, a psychic,

and a black man, all in one day.

Epic.

| really thought we were being discreet.

Do you even know what discreet is?

GUS: That's a serious question.

| Know what... Shh!

Was Randy Jackson with you the night Paula died?

Why?

Do you think she was M-U-R-D-E-R-E-D or something?

M-A-Y-B-E.

Yes, Randy was here.

We have a very special bond, you see.

His mom passed away when he was very young.

Sheriff Jackson never remarried.

So | sort of stepped in and filled a role.

For both of them.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Uh...

Feels pretty good for now.

Do you mind if we poke around?

Poke? Peek.

Peek. Peek around.

Yes.

Knock yourselves out.

Okay, remember the last email,

the one with all the weird hieroglyphics?

They were letters and numbers, Shawn.

Okay, it was one of these things.

The Dewey Decimal System?

| didn't even know they still used this.

That's 'cause people don't want to crack war codes

when the payoff is Jane Eyre.

What was the number, Shawn?

F-7-9-6-dot-3-5-2.

Seven hundred's that's sports and recreation.

(SLURPING)

These books are archaic.

And really old.

Except this one.

(GUS READING TITLE)

SHAWN: By Earl Wyndam.

My short game could use some work.

There's no pictures?

This is the weirdest golf book I've ever seen.

Let me see that.

(SHAWN READING TITLE)

Our emailer wants us to think that Paula was reincarnated?

We should get back to the lake.

Juliet should have something by now.

You're gonna need a library card

if you want to check something out.

| think we're good, Maudette.

Juliet, it's Gus.

Gus, what's going on? Is Shawn okay?

Oh, he's fine. Tell her | said "Hi."

Ask her what she's wearing.

Do you have anything on Paula Merral?

Do |?

Look, | don't Know what you guys

have gotten yourselves into up there,

but Paula Merral drowned here seven years ago.

What?

Did she say "Hi" back?

Is he looking at us?

| think he is.

Dude, take it easy. That's your seventh piece.

You know | get hungry when | get freaked out.

Besides, you've had five.

Exactly, | believe in portion control.

A girl drowns, gets reincarnated,

and drowns again seven years later?

Worst cinnamon festival ever.

We definitely stick out around here.

True, but not as bad as them.

What are you staring at, Jesup?

Scoot.

Wow, did you guys just hoof it from the highway?

What? Oh, hell no.

No, we took the seven-mile dirt road that connects

this crap hole to the next town over.

We came up here because the chief wanted us

to get a positive ID on Paula Merral's body.

To see if it matched the one found in Santa Barbara?

No, see that's the thing.

We never recovered her body.

Which didn't sit well with me.

The inlet where she supposedly drowned has no current,

which means her body should have floated up

between 2.3 to 3.1 days.

Oh, | know this because waiting for corpses

to resurface is a passion in my life.

JULIET: The sweater she was wearing was found on the shoreline.

And her bike was discovered at the end of a nearby dock.

It was lying next to a pile of sunflower seeds,

which was also weird.

What 11-year-old girl chews sunflower seeds?

Excuse me, Flo.

Where might we find the proprietors of this fine establishment?

Robert and Michelle?

They've been home ever since they got the news about Paula.

Pleasure to meet you, Detectives.

This is my wife.

Paula...

No, honey. That's not Paula.

That's the moose | shot last month.

Doc Gooden just stuffed it for us.

Michelle's obviously taken the news of the drowning pretty hard.

Harder than seven years ago?

The drowning in Santa Barbara?

I'm sensing you played a major role. Now what's the story, Bob-O?

Michelle, why don't you go put some hot milk on for our guests?

Hmm, hello?

(GASPING) Paula?

See if she'd grabbed the banana, that bit would have killed.

It's not a bit, Shawn.

(SOBBING) It was a wrong number.

(WAILING)

| probably wouldn't count on that milk.

It's okay.

Do you have something you want to tell us, Mr. Barker?

(BOB SIGHS)

Twelve years ago, Michelle's sister, Lucy

ran away from Dual Spires,

taking seven-year-old Paula with her.

We were worried sick about Paula.

See, Lucy was an incredibly unstable person.

Michelle and | practically raised her daughter for her.

Then one day, we got a letter from Paula

confirming our worst fears.

It described how magic white rocks

were making her mom crazy.

Methamphetamines?

Along with other stuff.

A couple of letters after that

was the first mention of the abuse.

And that's when we knew we had to act.

You helped her fake her death?

We had no other choice. Lucy wouldn't let her go.

And Paula was all for it.

In fact, it was her idea.

It doesn't matter.

What you did was against the law.

If | had jurisdiction here, you'd be under arrest

for obstruction of justice.

She was happy here.

And safe.

Until two days ago.

Right.

CARLTON: I'm heading back to Santa Barbara

to reopen this case, Mr. Barker.

Once | do,

a warrant will be issued for your arrest.

Come on, O'Hara.

Call when you can.

You two understand, right?

We're not here to judge you, Mr. Barker.

We came to investigate, catch bad guys, and eat pie.

Not necessarily in that order.

And it hasn't been. GUS: No.

We started with the pie. Always.

Do you think we could take a look in Paula's room?

By all means. We haven't touched a thing.

It's at the top of the stairs on the right.

Dude, the Dr. Ombudsman wasn't kidding.

Sister definitely had a dark side.

Hmm.

What are you doing?

Looking for places she may have hid stuff.

Every teenager has a secret spot, Gus.

Remember when | found those

weird photos of John Cusack in your nightstand?

That was Joan.

Really?

Oh, that's much less weird.

Wait. No, it's not. Not really. Incoming.

Dude.

Diary. Jackpot.

What does it say?

“Math was really hard today."

Blah, blah, blah.

Seems like normal high school stuff to me.

Whoa.

What is this language? Is this Chinese?

No.

It's Latin, Shawn.

Latin?

Gus, Paula must have thought someone was reading her diary.

We gotta find out what that says.

Yeah, but who do we know that speaks Latin.

"Absens... Haeres."

Hairy ass?

“Non erit.” Did you get all that?

Uh-huh. | believe so.

Haven't you ever heard of faxing, Shawn?

SHAWN: (OVER PHONE) I'm sorry, Father.

We don't have that capability right now.

Besides, | thought that priests thought

all technology was evil.

It's only now that it begins to dawn on me

how little you learned in my CCD class.

Look, Father, it's very important that we understand

what these passages mean.

All right, all right. Well, this first part talks about

a young boy she was seeing. Someone popular.

Randy.

Yeah, that makes sense.

She refers to himas "R."

Ah, she may have also been seeing someone else.

Excellent, is there a name?

No, just the letter "J."

Letter "J."

All right, thank you Father. You've been so much help.

Gus will see you at church on Sunday.

Uh-huh, what about you?

What? Oh, you're breaking up.

What? What...

Can't hear anything. Hello? Father?

Whoa, whoa, wait, wait. There's more.

It really is one square foot of coverage.

Jules, what are you doing here?

Well, Lassiter's handling the reopening of the case back at the department,

so | thought | would come back and lend a hand.

Fantastic. We have to hit the library,

follow up on a vision | just had.

All right, well, you two go ahead.

I'm gonna notify Sheriff Jackson

that I'm gonna be looking into the case.

What do you say we all meet up at the diner at,

uh... 4:30?

Labradoodle! Where?

We should go.

| didn't see any labradoodle, Shawn.

Well, you weren't looking very hard.

Nice shoes.

| Know.

Gus was wondering if you would like to be his date

to Betty Boop Night at the Road House.

They don't have a Betty Boop Night at the Road House.

Oh, then they don't have my business anymore, either.

Sure you can keep up with me?

| like to dance all night long.

Well... Shawn.

What?

Relax.

Okay, here we go.

This is the most recent Dual Spires's yearbook.

Thank you, Maudette. Feels a little thin.

Small book for a small school.

There were only six people in the graduating class?

Yeah, and even that was large.

Mine only had three.

You, Robert, and Michelle?

You're very impressive, Mr. Spencer.

None of the guys in Paula's class

have names that begin with "J."

Let's see here.

Paula sure is in a lot of photos.

Oh, that's not surprising.

She loved the attention.

(SIGHS)

Huh.

Thank you, Maudette.

Bye, Gus.

(CAMERA CLICKING) Whoa, Jack.

You didn't even give me a chance

to see if | had food in my teeth.

They're good.

I'm Shawn. He's Blackmunn.

Yeah, yeah. | Know who you are.

Oh, good, so you know we're here to ask you some questions about Paula.

You, uh, you ever think about hanging

any of your photos on the wall?

Well, to me, each photo is like a memory,

so | like to keep them close.

(LAUGHS) Uh-huh.

How did you get spinach in your teeth within the last three seconds.

| don't know. You said, | was good.

You were good.

Looks like you and Paula were more than just friends, huh?

Yeah, we were.

Until about a year ago, she left me for the Cinnamon King.

You must have been pretty angry with her.

At first | was, yeah.

But then we became best friends. | was her confidant.

And we would lip synch to old records together.

Jon Cryer from Pretty in Pink.

No one in this town has ever seen that movie, Shawn.

Well, | refuse to accept that.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Oops! Jack, that's my bad.

Uh... Let me clean this up.

No, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't

The broken glass will make for a beautiful photo.

Yeah, it will.

So what do you think? You think this guy killed Paula?

Most definitely.

He's a freaky dude living in a freaky place.

And have you noticed he won't ever make

eye contact with you?

There's only one reason for that.

Guilt.

Actually, there may be another.

Hey, Jack.

The glass is over here, man.

| Know. Yeah.

| gotta tell you, you are the highest functioning

blind person that I've ever seen.

I'm not technically blind.

| still have 30% vision in my right eye

for now.

A couple of years ago, | developed early onset

macular degeneration.

I'm sensing it was around '05.

Yeah, that's right.

Where were you the night Paula disappeared?

| was with her.

At the beginning of the night.

We took a walk in the forest, and she told me

she wanted to leave Dual Spires.

| said that was a mistake.

And then, jet blackness.

What does that mean?

It would be a great porn name for you.

| woke up about an hour later.

(EXHALES) With this, a bump on my head.

And there was no Paula.

She knocked you out?

Come on, Jack. A big guy like you?

No, no, no.

Somebody else snuck up on me,

and | wasn't looking.

Well, you could have been looking.

Probably wouldn't have made much of a difference.

He's practically blind.

Why didn't you take any of this to the sheriff, Jack?

Because | may have been the last person

to ever see her alive,

and my story sounds fishy at best.

| mean, do you believe me?

Were you taking photos that night on the walk?

Yeah, yeah. Of course | was.

Well, why don't you let us take a look at that film?

Okay. (CAMERA CLICKS)

Ooh. Why?

SHAWN: Oh, this is good.

This will go well with the five shots of her boots.

Take a blindfolded photo sometime.

Let me know how it turns out.

Wait a second. Here's something.

Dude, we gotta get to Jules.

Hi, I'm looking for Sheriff Jackson.

The deputy said | could find him here.

Yeah, uh, he just stepped out for a sec.

Do you know when he'll be back?

Oh, any minute now.

You can wait in the back with me.

I'm just doing a little work for shop class.

Okay. I'm Juliet O'Hara.

Randy. Randy Jackson.

How much do you weigh?

Excuse me?

I'm sorry, I'm not supposed to ask a woman that question, am |?

Not unless you're piloting a very small plane.

About 105?

Will your dad be here soon?

| imagine so.

Paula weighed about 105.

You kind of remind me of her.

| understand you two were quite close.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Yeah, it's a real tragedy.

You know what?

Why don't | just come back in, like, an hour or so.

No.

Stay.

Hey!

Get your wood out of her face, Randy.

What's going on? We know you knocked out Jack Smith,

when he was with Paula the night she died.

Yeah, | thought he was trying to steal my girlfriend.

Really? You're jealous of the goofy kid

who snaps photos like Jose Feliciano?

Hey, Paula always had a thing for him.

For Jose Feliciano?

No, Jack.

| just gave him a super elbow and he crumbled like feta.

What did Paula do?

She freaked out and went on this rant

about how I'm a hypocrite

‘cause | spend a lot of time with my ex-girlfriend.

And who's that?

That's none of your business.

What is it with all the secret relationships in this town?

It's like General Hospital.

You're kidding me.

All right, that's it.

Is there a film, or a television series,

that you people actually saw?

The town gets together every Thursday night

to watch reruns of Everwood.

Okay, | can work with that.

What happened next?

She got mad at me for hurting a blind person.

She then went to find help for Jack.

| offered to go with her,

but she wanted nothing to do with me.

So | tied his shoelaces together,

and went to the library and waited to hear from her.

Of course,

| never did.

Just like Treat Williams’ character on Everwood.

Never got to say good-bye to his wife.

Shawn.

(EXHALES) Look, I'm telling you guys the truth.

Plus, | have an alibi, remember?

All right.

But we're on to you, Randy.

Just like the townspeople of Everwood were on to the fact

that Nina was a surrogate mother.

Will you stop it? Enough.

(BREATHING NERVOUSLY)

She was.

Thank you.

So, who do we think Randy's ex is?

Mmm, Jules, you gotta order a piece of this pie.

| did. You guys immediately ate it.

Well, it's gotta be someone who's into the creepsters,

but I'm guessing she's older, ‘cause I'm yet to see

a woman under the age of 35 in this town.

It's also Someone that Randy spends consistent time with.

Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.

I'm getting something.

I'm at the library almost every night.

Randy and | have a very special bond, you see.

Four slices to go, please.

If Maudette was sleeping with Randy, that's gross.

She practically raised him.

The only thing that would make it grosser

is if she wasn't attractive.

What's wrong with you?

This goes beyond Maudette getting her Pamela Smart on.

| think she killed Paula.

What? How do you figure?

I'm sensing that Randy went to the library that night

to finally tell Maudette

that he and Paula were leaving Dual Spires.

Sent her into a jealous rage.

She snuck out, killed Paula,

because if she couldn't have Randy,

no woman would.

That changes everything.

Remind me to never have an affair with an older woman

or a librarian.

Maudette.

That's not good. Oh.

lam so sick of this town.

Go ahead and wheel her around the corner to my office.

ANDREW: | can't believe Maudette Hornsby

was taking advantage of my son.

Taking advantage is a little strong.

The dude was 17 and she was fine.

What exactly constitutes the difference between

altar boy Gus and degenerate Gus?

DOC GOODEN: Reputation was everything to Maudette.

The prospect of the town knowing about that scandal

was probably more than she could live with.

| better speak to my boy.

And I'll get on that autopsy.

The fact that she murdered someone

may have also hurt her reputation.

All right, I'm gonna get back and brief the department.

Do you want me to drive you to your car?

No. Yes.

We'll meet you back there in a bit.

Okay.

Why are we not getting the hell out of here?

Because my theory is half-baked, Gus.

Something isn't sitting right with me.

You know what's not sitting right with me, Shawn?

Being stuck in a tiny town with no phone access

and all white people. Let's go.

Now where are you going?

If we leave now, I'll let you play the theme

to Weird Science over and over in the car. What do you say?

That's happening regardless. This way.

Here is the most recent Dual Spires yearbook.

Maudette was the one emailing us.

That makes no sense.

Why would the killer lure detectives to the scene

and then start feeding them clues?

Because she didn't kill Paula, Gus.

I'm never gonna leave this town.

She suspected foul play

and knew she'd be the prime suspect

if anyone found out about her relationship with Randy.

So she started snooping around on her own,

discovered the drowning seven years ago in Santa Barbara.

Found us on the Internet.

So who killed Paula Merral?

| don't know, but we're gonna find out.

Gus, stop messing around.

I'm not, Shawn.

Shawn? Yes, Gus.

Something's burning.

| see that.

Help us! Somebody help us.

We're stuck in this tiny room!

Help us! Let us out!

Do something!

I'm trying! I'm all ears!

Email Lassiter, your dad or Juliet!

Oh, that's good.

Where were these dope ideas three minutes ago?

| knew it! Surge protectors serve no purpose whatsoever!

Shawn, we're gonna die in this tiny, stupid room.

Gus, don't be the scream from Holding Back the Years.

You're right, though. This could be it for us.

Man, we are gonna burn!

| Know.

No, wait, wait! Who are you?

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Gus!

(COUGHING)

Father Westley. Thank God you were here, literally.

We were about to be Wicker Men, How did you find us?

| just had faith.

Really? (CHUCKLES) No, boys.

| just got to town, | saw the fire,

| saw the tandem bicycle outside. It all added up.

But how did you know we were in trouble in the first place?

You hung up on me when | was transcribing the Latin, Shawn.

| just (COUGHS) | got excited.

| took one little step to the left.

And that girl, Paula. She felt she was in danger. She was afraid.

Which led me to be afraid for the two of you.

And, honestly, | owed you one anyway

because of that whole exorcism thing.

What happened to your hair?

Oh. Yeah, it was an ill-advised attempt

to cover up some gray that went terribly awry.

But technically, Sister Rita's to blame.

She's the one that did my hair.

Guys, get in. We don't have much time.

You have a car? What gives?

Why should we trust you?

You probably shouldn't, but if you stay here

you're gonna be sitting ducks for whoever it was

that tried to burn you guys alive.

I'll explain everything at the cabin. Get in.

Have a seat, I'll make a fire.

All right, we're listening.

My great grandfather founded Dual Spires. That's him there.

| might have guessed that one.

After World War | ended,

he'd seen the absolute worst in man.

He decided to settle here

with two other soldiers from his squadron and their families.

| was wrong, it isn't Witness. This is The Village.

The Village was a ridiculous film.

“Those we do not speak of." Remember all that nonsense?

It's always been the responsibility

of the three leaders of the families

to watch over the town and its best interests.

Try to understand, their intentions were SO pure.

Create a community that wouldn't be subjected

to the horrors that they lived through.

And it worked for 40 years.

Dual Spires was perfect, until...

The great sawmill fire of '58.

It was arson.

A drifter, who had been in town doing odd jobs.

Eight people burned to death.

After that, we became insulated.

Looked at all outsiders as a threat.

Like Paula. She was afraid.

She thought she was being watched. Even followed.

She was.

Which is why Michelle and | were supportive of her decision to leave.

We loved her so much.

We just wanted her to be happy.

Did Paula ever know that you were her father?

Yes.

| had to tell her, in order to get her

to come here in the first place.

What about your wife?

Did she know you had an affair with her sister?

No.

She never will.

| think she's been through enough.

You know, for a town that prides itself on honesty and do-goodedness,

you have a lot of skeletons in your closet.

Judge not, that ye may be judged, Gus.

Although, | must say, in this case,

it's pretty messed up.

| Know who killed Paula Merral.

Sheriff, you can put the gun down.

This is Father Westley. He saved us.

My hair doesn't normally look like this.

ANDREW: Bless me father, for | have sinned.

But I'm afraid | can't put away this gun.

No, | Suppose you can't.

You see, the other two families

that settled this town were the Jacksons

and the Goodens, am | right?

And as its other two leaders, you panicked

when you caught wind that the evil Paula

was running away with Randy.

| mean, without the Cinnamon King,

who would lead over future generations?

The good doctor can't conceive.

The Barkers didn't have a Child of their own,

which means Randy is the only direct descendent

to protect Dual Spires and your way of life.

Especially now that the sheriff is dying of cancer.

| Know he's hurting, but he won't talk to me.

The two of you wielded all the power necessary

to kill Paula and make it look like an accident.

And you would have gotten away with it too,

if Maudette hadn't sent those emails.

But even that was nothing a little rope couldn't take care of.

Isn't that right, sheriff?

You truly are amazing.

But you shouldn't have come here.

Our business was not your concern.

Your business is murder.

Her death, though tragic, saves our future.

You killed my little girl.

What about us?

Honestly, far less tragic.

We barely know you.

I'm in my own special category. Right?

Really, father?

Freeze! Drop it, now.

How did you find us?

Oh, miracles happen every day, Gus.

This is a miracle?

No, | called the detectives before | came to town.

You sly old dog.

We ran into Jack, and he led us here.

They thought this place was a secret.

I've photographed every single inch of this town.

Ah, good work, son.

We're over here.

Oh, Jack.

GUS: Yo! SHAWN Now, Jack, really...

It's brighter than the sun. GUS: Enough. Enough.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

It's nice to finally have some alone time.

It is.

Though, you know, we're not really alone, Shawn.

You were not lying about the pie, Burton.

It's heavenly. Right?

Now on to Ecclesiastes.

It's one of my favorites. Hmm?

Couldn't blow off a priest, I'm pretty sure that's a Sin.

It's not so much Gus, and Father Westley, and Carlton.

That is a damn fine cup of cider.

It's the other people.

Three cinnamon pies, please.

(RANDY BARKING)

(BARKING)

(CONTINUES BARKING)

What do you say we get out of here? I'm in.