All language subtitles for S12 E22： Vaccine Mandates & Trump vs. Higher Education： 9⧸7⧸25： Last Week Tonight with John Oliver [4T-CHSNHx6U]

Oh.

What's with tonight?

I'm John Oliver, thank you so much for
joining us. We are back, and a lot has

happened over the last few weeks. The
National Guard continued to wander

D .C. looking for something to do. These
two got engaged, and on Wednesday, Xi

Jinping held a massive military parade
featuring troops running past missiles,

this shot of pure uncut shaft, and Xi
himself somberly sticking his head out

a sunroof like your most uptight friend
trying to be fun at her bachelorette

party.

He looks like a dog who just got some
concerning medical news.

Now, in what many took to be a rebuke to
Trump, she's guest included Vladimir

Putin, who was caught on a hot mic
engaging in some fun small talk.

As biotechnology continues to develop,
human organs will continue to be

transplanted, and people will become
younger, and perhaps even achieve

immortality. Okay.

the weirdness of hearing such
supervillain shit over the visuals of

-olds getting their steps in.

The last thing you want to hear
autocrats getting interested in is young

because you know that the answer to
where would you get them is not going to

an unusually strong pig.

But we're going to start here in the U
.S., which has seen weeks of chaos

surrounding vaccines.

Last month, Trump and RFK fired the head
of the CDC. On that same day, the FDA

released new COVID vaccine guidelines
that limited their use for many

And then on Wednesday, this happened.

With the CDC in turmoil, there's new
fallout this morning after Florida's

to end vaccine mandates, including those
for schoolchildren.

The Florida Department of Health, in
partnership with the governor...

is going to be working to end all
vaccine mandates in florida yeah

all of them vaccines for polio measles
mumps

diphtheria whooping cough all of them it
is genuinely weird to hear such

terrifying news announced so cheerfully
the same way it'd be weird to hear your

pilot announcing great news we've
replaced all the toilets with holes that

you into the sky all of them

Of them. Isn't that good?

That guy is Florida's Surgeon General,
and he holds a ton of questionable

He's been a supporter of
hydroxychloroquine as a treatment for

though it's been repeatedly shown not to
work on it. He called for a halt to

adding fluoride to Florida's water
supply, and recently stated, I support

decision to consume raw milk, amid an
outbreak of E. coli linked to it in his

state. And he took some pretty wild
swings in his speech against vaccine

mandates, including this.

Every last one of them is wrong and
dripped with disdain and slavery.

Who am I to tell you what your child
should put in your body?

I don't have that right.

Okay.

Now, much like a Florida textbook, I'm
going to skip right past the slavery

and point out you are the Surgeon
General.

It is actually your obligation to advise
people on what vaccines should be in

their children's bodies. And look, I am
not a doctor. I just think about one

before I go to sleep. But even I know
there are certain things you're allowed

tell people to put in their kid's body.
Water, for instance.

Nutrients. One piece of dog food just to
end the discussion. And also...

Life -saving vaccines.

But it's also wild to hear that whole
parents -you -do -you stance from a man

who was sought to ban gender -affirming
medical care for minors regardless of

parental consent.

And it is worth noting Florida, like
many states, already allows parents to

out of vaccines for religious reasons.
But there is a big difference between

that and the state's top health official
comparing vaccine mandates to slavery

with the voice of a used car salesman
and the body language of someone not

tapping two ghosts.

All these medical groups have come out
against what Florida is doing. Even Fox

News' in -house medical experts pointed
out why it is a terrible idea.

You could at a state level say, look, if
you want to go to kindergarten, you

need this vaccine. Why do we want you to
have it?

If you don't have an exemption because
of something called herd immunity,

because measles, if you go into a room
where measles was and you're not

vaccinated within two hours, there's a
90 percent chance you're going to get

And so for immunocompromised kids, the
only way to protect them is to have 95

percent of the population vaccinated.

You're joining a community when you go
to kindergarten. You're not only

about yourself, you're thinking about
others. That's where the basis of it is.

Exactly.

And it is kind of shocking to hear such
good health information on Fox Business.

In the same way that it would be weird
if Dr. Fauci chose to make an appearance

on Sheena Shea's Shenanigans podcast.

It's just not where I'd expect to hear
of passionate defense of public health.

I'm glad I'm getting it.

I'm just a little surprised at the
source.

But he is right there. You are joining a
community.

When you go to kindergarten, I mean,
you're also joining a macaroni art

and unofficial Halloween candy trading
society and a recorder symphony slash

terrorist group of audio torture
professionals. But fundamentally, you're

joining a community.

Now, the good news here is that some
states are going the other way. Just

week, California, Oregon and Washington
launched a West Coast Health Alliance

designed to preserve vaccine access. But
unfortunately, Florida probably won't

be the last state to take this step,
which will inevitably result in kids and

others getting sick and dying.

And while it is not great that certain
leaders seem to be getting obsessed with

achieving immortality through science,
I'd argue it is frankly humiliating that

ours currently seem intent on doing the
exact fucking opposite.

And now, this.

And now, checking in on the dismal prop
comedy of the U .S. Congress.

You see, this is a simple meme that you
would find on the Internet, but this

meme is very real. Why don't we go
ahead?

and play around.

That was my attempt to roll the dice.
This is, of course, a picture of former

President Ronald Reagan firing a machine
gun while riding on the back of a

dinosaur. This is what you could end up
looking like if you eat

some of the raw frozen shrimp being sent
to the United

States by other countries.

I believe this is actually the first
time in American history that we have a

taxidermied swamp creature on the actual
floor of the House of Representatives.

We need them to confirm, firm, firm,
firm, firm, firm.

A person who will work, work, work,
work, work, work to ensure that we can

firk, firk, firk, firk, firk. Before I
start talking, I just want to take a

quick drink of this super delicious
milk.

Our main story tonight concerns
university.

They brought us friendship, staggering,
unrelenting debt, raunchy comedies where

the protagonists engage in antics we now
recognize as sexual assault, and

amazing research studies like this.

I see this childlike curiosity when
people see these rats driving.

I'm surprised at the extent, but I know
that we've been doing this for a couple

of years now, and every person who has
seen it, they're surprised, they seem to

be intrigued by this.

Yeah, of course they are. It's a rat
driving a car.

What is not to be intrigued by?

Unfortunately, though, tonight's show is
not going to be about rats driving

cars. I mean, it can be. You can just
play the last 30 seconds over and over

again. I certainly would. Instead, it's
going to be about Trump's ongoing war

with higher education.

In his last presidential campaign, Trump
promised to target universities,

especially those that he said were
engaging in racial discrimination,

the universities become increasingly
hostile to white students.

And as protests against the war in Gaza
broke out across campuses, his campaign

rhetoric escalated.

To every college president, I say remove
the encampments immediately, vanquish

the radicals, and take back our campuses
for all of the normal students who want

a safe place from which to learn.

Okay. A pledge to take back our campuses
for all the normal students.

Might be one of the most lots to unpack
there of all the theirs we've ever

unpacked. And with all due disrespect,
what the fuck does Donald Trump know

about being normal?

Vanquish the radicals is the weirdest
possible way to say anything.

It is a supervillain phrase, right up
there with guards, seize them, or let's

round up all the.

And for the record.

College isn't the place to be normal.
It's the place to eat like a complete

monster, get weirdly into posters for
the one and only time in your life, and

audition different personalities.

It's for reinvention. It's the first
time that you won't be around the people

who've known you forever, so you can
change your hair, clothes, everything.

Were you stuffy Patrick in high school?
Well, in college, you can be Pat, or if

you can pull it off, Trick.

Ooh.

You're not Patrick. Who's that?

He sounds like a kid who cried on the
bus in fourth grade because it looked

he peed his pants, even though it was
just sweat, but no one believed him and

they never let him forget about it, even
in high school. Patrick sounds like a

real square, but that can never be you
because you're Trick now.

Trick. Yeah.

Trick's chill. Trick vapes.

Trick can take the train by himself. I
heard Trick's last name was nasty, not

figuratively, literally.

Trick didn't bring a special note to
school excusing him from changing in

of the other boys in gym class. That was
Patrick and he's dead now because

you're Trick.

And Trick's good at taking his pants
off. Trick knows what he wants at the

restaurant. And Trick's phone is always
charged.

When Trick tells people that that wet
spot on his car goes his sweat, everyone

believes him.

I sweat, Trick.

Trick's not sus. Trick low -key rips.
Trick, and this is true, fucks.

Anyway, the point is...

Trump has long held a grudge against
higher education, and now that he's in

power, he is acting on it. Among other
things, he's targeting the billions of

dollars that flow to universities for
things like scientific research in order

to bend them to his will. He's done this
to schools all over the country,

including Harvard, which he justified
like this.

Harvard's got to behave themselves.

Harvard is treating our country with
great disrespect, and all they're doing

getting in deeper and deeper and deeper.

They've got to behave themselves.

You know, I'm looking out for the
country and for Harvard. I want Harvard

well. I want Harvard to be great again,
probably.

I do love that he felt the need to tack
on a probably at the end there.

Like his brain has a tiny, overworked
fact -checking department that is so

overwhelmed it can only throw a
qualifier on one out of every 700

And things have only escalated since
then. So given that, and with schools

starting their full semester right now,
it felt like tonight might be a good

time to take a look at Trump's war on
higher education, the history of right

-wing attacks on what they research and
teach, and what this current fight could

cost us. And let's start with the fact
that conservatives' distrust of

is nothing new. Nixon famously said, the
professors are the enemy.

And historically, their attacks have
fallen into a few key categories.

One big one has been that universities
are wasting taxpayer money on things

frivolous scientific research.

Fox has been talking about one example
in particular for literally years now.

$503 ,000 to watch shrimp on a
treadmill.

There goes a little guy. This thing cost
over a number of years $3 million, they

say, in taxpayer money. Remember when
the federal government spent $3 billion

your tax dollars over a decade to study
shrimp on a treadmill?

Remember when our government spent
thousands to put a shrimp on a

you remember that?

Hard to forget.

I mean, yeah, it is hard to forget,
partly because you won't shut the fuck

about it.

And partly because it's inherently great
TV. Honestly, the only way that'd be

made better is if it had its own theme
song.

You go, shrimp!

You go!

Prove that you're not just some bum!

Prove that you've got heart!

Specifically, one single chambered heart
that you keep in your head because

you're a shrimp, goddammit! You go!

The point is...

That story won't go away. Just this
year, Joni Ernst complained, we put

on a treadmill to see how fast they run.

A complaint Elon Musk then tweeted out
with the caption, insane wasting of

taxpayer money. But there's a few things
you should know. First, that video was

from 2006, meaning that shrimp's been
running since the Bush presidency.

Second, that research was actually
useful. A marine biologist and his

were studying how changes in the oceans
could potentially affect the ability of

marine organisms to fight infections,
which is relevant given that that impact

how much bacteria could wind up on a
plate of seafood in front of you. And

what it's worth, the treadmill in that
video actually cost less than $50 and

paid for out of the researcher's own
pocket.

So to recap, some guy used his own
money.

to build a shrimp gym for the cost of
seven subway cold -cut combos, or to try

and keep shrimp enjoys from getting
poisoned. And somehow, that is academia

amok. Now, the other common attack on
colleges is that they are havens of

liberal indoctrination. For years now,
Fox has thought out stories on so

campus craziness, where something as
minor as climate activists delayed the

Harvard -Yale game gets a lengthy
unpacking on the five.

They live for this petty shit.

And you know who cracked this code early
on? Stephen Miller. Because back in

2007, as a student, he made it onto Fox
& Friends with a story about how several

school newspapers had refused to run
this ad directing people to a website

featured claims like Muslims have
problems living peacefully with their

neighbours. And they lapped it up.

Right now, a lot of kids on college
campuses, they're only getting one half

the story. And when we're in a situation
where you have nuclear threats and

radiological threats and biological
threats, and we're in a really dangerous

time in history, you want everyone in
America to have a keen understanding of

what it is that we're facing. And I'm
frankly sad to say, right now, that's

the case.

Are you a college kid?

Yeah, I'm a senior at Duke University.

Well, you are smart. You're smart.

Yeah. Steve Miller. Well, I watch Fox
and Friends almost every morning, so

probably has something to do with it.

I watch it every morning, and that's why
it might be smart.

I've got to say, I'm guessing are you a
college kid is the question Stephen

Miller got a lot back then, though that
was probably less to do with his smart,

but more to do with the fact that people
just assumed he was a 45 -year -old

undercover narc trying to do an
unsanctioned 21 Jump Street on them.

But it's worth noting that for all his
talk there about censorship in college

newspapers, as a Duke undergraduate,
Miller had a newspaper column where he

routinely aired conservative grievances
like Christmas is being banned, which,

as you all remember, happened.

He also called affirmative action
misguided and devastating and said

Women's Studies Department was an effort
to indoctrinate students in radical

feminism, saying a proper women's
studies program would study women from

angles, not one.

A pretty weird choice of words coming
from this guy, who I think most women

would prefer to be studied by from
exactly zero angles.

And the very fact that Miller had a
regular column.

So I suggest that, as hard as it may be
to believe, there was representation at

Duke University for Republican points of
view. And the more you listen to some

Republicans complain about what goes on
on campuses, the clearer it becomes.

They don't want diversity of thought.
They want one specific type of thought.

J .D. Vance has repeatedly made that
clear over the years with complaints

we are giving our children over to our
enemies.

when we send them to college. And in a
podcast appearance, he advocated for

doing what Viktor Orban has done in
Hungary to schools, which was, for the

record, to consolidate power over what
gets taught in universities.

And that wasn't all that Vance said.

We should seize the institutions of the
left and turn them against the left,

right? We need like a de -bathification
program, like a de -wokification

program. Basically, my strategy is like
de -institutionalize the left, re

-institutionalize the right. It is very
hard.

It will require men and women of
incredible courage, but I don't see

out. Okay, first, if you are not
familiar, defarthification was the

the purging the Iraqi government of
Saddam Hussein's Ba 'ath Party,

not universally considered as something
we should do to our own citizens. And

second, you aren't having a stroke.

J .D. Barnes is doing an interview with
someone who looks like they went to the

barber and asked for the Airedale
Terrier.

The point is...

Conservatives have long sought to orient
universities sharply to the right, and

in recent years, they've seized upon a
new justification for doing this,

specifically to combat anti -Semitism in
the wake of student protests over Gaza.

And look, we've talked about those
protests before, and it'll take more

than we have to fully litigate them now,
but very quickly, multiple things can

be true. You can think some critics of
the protests were conflating criticism

Israel with anti -Semitism, and that
some were pointing out actual instances

anti -Semitism. You can also... that
some Jewish students did feel unsafe

because of the actions of some
protesters and that some protesters were

unsafe by universities calling the
police on them. You can also argue that

universities did themselves no favours
by failing to figure out a coherent,

consistent response. But none of that
nuance has been present in the White

House's response, which has been to
suggest the wholesale destruction of

universities.

Soon after taking office, Trump formed a
task force to combat anti -Semitism,

backed by Stephen Miller. And here is
the head of it laying out their

We are suing every one of these
universities guilty of anti -Semitism.

Title VI, we're taking away their money,
Mark.

We're going to bankrupt these
universities.

We're going to take away every single
federal dollar.

Wow.

He is coming in pretty hot there. And
for the record, I actually agree with

screaming madman in that it'd obviously
be great to get rid of anti -Semitism in

college and everywhere else hold for
applause.

And look, if colleges were spending all
their federal money on inventing a big

automatic anti -Semitism generator, then
yeah, it would make sense to take their

money away. But the thing is, they're
not doing that, partly because it seems

be Elon Musk's project.

Instead, the money being taken away is
largely going to research studies, and

cutting those has nothing to do with
ending anti -Semitism, as many

heads, like the president of Wesleyan,
have pointed out.

When Jewish students are intimidated or
afraid to practice their religion on

campus or are yelled at, it's horrible.

But at Wesleyan and in many schools, the
percentage of Jews protesting for

Palestinians was roughly the same as the
percentage of Jews on the campus

generally.

The idea that you are attacking anti
-Semitism by attacking universities, I

think it's a complete charade. It's just
an excuse for getting the universities

to conform.

Right. It's obviously bullshit. The very
idea that Trump's actions are part of

some great effort to defend the Jewish
people is, as charades go, slightly less

convincing than a toddler playing hide
and seek.

Wow.

Where's Brian?

All I see is the chair and then most of
Brian. What an illusion has been cast

here.

And there are some telltale signs that
this isn't really about anti -Semitism

concerns, with perhaps the biggest one
being that all of this is coming from a

president who, deep breath,

reportedly kept a book of Hitler's
speeches by his bed, dined with a

denier, brought people into his
administration with records of advancing

-Semitic trunks and conspiracy theories,
including a spokeswoman at the fucking

Pentagon, apparently said during his
first time that Hitler did a lot of good

things and asked his generals to be more
loyal, saying, why can't you be more

like Hitler's generals, posted an image
using the shape of a star of David to

accuse Hillary Clinton of being
corrupted by money, was endorsed in his

election by both David Duke and the KKK,
and also, just two months ago, told a

rally crowd that thanks to him, they
wouldn't have to deal with... who are,

quote, shylocks.

Hearing that Trump is suddenly waiting
war against anti -Semites is like

Billy Joel is waiting war against dads
from Long Island.

Are you really doing that?

Because you always seem so very close.

And yet, that is how Trump is justifying
his current assault on higher

education. And it is worth looking at
exactly what he's doing, because it's

pretty grim.

And let's start with one of his first
major targets, Colombia.

It was a prominent scene of protest over
Gaza. And at the beginning of March, it

was notified by Trump's anti -Semitism
task force, you know, this guy's team,

that his grants were under review.

And while those sorts of Title VI
investigations typically take months and

sometimes years, just four days later...

It announced its conclusions from the
administration, citing Columbia's

continued failure to end the persistent
harassment of Jewish students, cancelled

$400 million in contracts and grants.
Just a week later, it sent Columbia a

letter giving them seven days to comply
with a new list of demands, which were

extensive, including calling for the
university to deliver a plan of

comprehensive admissions reform and
install new oversight of the

Middle Eastern, South Asian and African
Studies Department.

It was an extreme degree.

of government intrusion, which is what
made it so dispiriting when this

happened. Just in the last few minutes,
we are learning that Columbia University

will give in to demands from the Trump
administration in order to restore

hundreds of millions of dollars in
federal funding.

It appears that in some way, shape, or
form, Columbia has agreed to pretty much

all of the president's demands.

Yeah, they caved in about five seconds.

officially solidifying Columbia's
reputation as the Little Bitch

rather than what it was known for
before, being the place that Timothee

went to for five minutes before
realising he didn't need it.

But here is the thing. That capitulation
didn't put an end to it. Because the

administration just kept escalating
things further, freezing all of

remaining NIH funding, amounting to
about $700 million in total, and even

threatening Columbia's accreditation.

And there is no guarantee the
administration is going to stop making

from Colombia, and why would they when
they keep getting met?

It's a situation that understandably has
had a chilling effect on campus, as

this professor explains.

Nobody wants to express a controversial
opinion about anything anymore.

Michael Thaddeus teaches at Columbia and
is a member of the American Association

of University Professors, a national
organization now suing the Trump

administration.

I'm a math professor, and math is a
wonderfully apolitical topic. Math, in

has flourished under all kinds of
authoritarian regimes.

But my colleagues who teach history,
political science, you know, regional

studies, they're terrified.

Okay.

Setting aside the breezy, historically,
we mathematicians have done great under

dictators. It is not entirely fair to
call math apolitical, because if you

how to listen, much of math...

has a lot to say, and some of it is very
political. For instance, if you add 100

senators and 435 representatives, you
get 535.

And if you multiply that by 538, the
number of electoral college votes, you

287 ,830. Now, here is where it gets
interesting. The zip code for the White

House is 2050.

If you add those numbers, you get,
that's right, 308 ,330. Now, add to that

number 4 ,494, which is, of course, the
corresponding number for the Ensuring

Faith in Our Elections Act. Do we all
see where this is going?

Do we see it, guys? You get 312 ,824.
And that is already pretty exciting. But

if you multiply that by 17, the age, of
course, George Washington was, the very

first time he held office of any kind,
you arrive at 5 ,318 ,008.

And if you take that number and turn it
upside down, pretty cool, right?

Right.

One of our... One of our writers...

spent an entire afternoon writing that
joke.

And I don't know if I should fire them
or let them host this show from now on.

Now, Columbia has since agreed to pay a
$200 million fine to restore its frozen

research funding, a move that its
president has claimed safeguards our

independence. But that is a pretty bold
take from someone who was just

successfully shaken down twice.

Well, that was certainly unpleasant, but
at least the moody president who hates

honouring deals and loves winning fights
will never try that again.

Now, some universities did take a
slightly different tack from Columbia,

when the administration sent a similar
list of demands to Harvard, even

in some new ones, like demanding an
audit of the political ideology of the

student body and faculty to determine
viewpoint diversity...

Harvard refused to back down. Instead,
it sued the government in federal court,

and in retaliation, the administration
froze or terminated more than $3 billion

in research grants and contracts with
Harvard. The administration also, among

other things, launched multiple
investigations into whether Harvard was

discriminating against white men.

One investigation, for instance, noted
an increase among faculty of color,

women, and those identifying as non
-binary, as well as a decrease in white

in tenure -track jobs.

Harvard actually secured a victory this
week when a federal judge ruled the

Trump administration had illegally
cancelled its funding, which is what

so frustrating that some think Harvard
might try and reach a settlement anyway,

as the government can still appeal or
mire the university in costly and time

-consuming investigations. And I will
say, the government going after big

universities first is a smart strategy,
for one. It is easy to hate Harvard and

people who went there. And if you're not
sure...

If you've met someone who went to
Harvard, believe me, you haven't.

Because they would have brought it up
within the first five fucking seconds of

meeting you.

But as this academic points out, if
Harvard ultimately caves, that'll send a

terrible signal.

Harvard has more wealth, more power, and
more institutional strength than almost

any other sort of organization in
America. If they can break Harvard, then

are sending a sign that they can do it
to anybody.

And that is the message that this is
trying to convey.

He's right.

Fred Armisen is just completely right.

Because this goes much further.

than Harvard and Columbia.

The administration has frozen billions
of federal research funds at all these

other schools and slashed studies at
public institutions across the country.

Even universities who tried pre
-capitulating have found themselves out

Northwestern tried to get ahead of
things by releasing a list of steps it

taken to combat anti -Semitism that
closely tracked with a list of demands

Trump administration had given to
Columbia.

But it was targeted anyway several days
later.

with more than $790 million of their
grants frozen. Those funds still have

been unfrozen, even though on Thursday,
the university's president resigned. And

there is an irony in him being pushed
out to fight anti -Semitism on campus,

given that he's a Jewish descendant of
Holocaust survivors.

And that is the thing here. For all the
talk about how the government's current

assault is a direct response to the Gaza
protest, here is J .D. Vance, back in

2021... spelling out the whole playbook.

We go to the universities, we use the
hundreds of billions of dollars that we

send to them as leverage, and we say,
unless you stop indoctrinating our

children, unless you stop indoctrinating
our entire society, you don't get

another dime of our money. That will
stop it very quickly, but we've got to

the willpower to go and actually do it.

Right, and that is the exact same plan
as now, just hastily remodeled to be

about fighting anti -Semitism and
expecting no one to notice.

It's basically the rhetorical equivalent
of when a random business clearly used

to be a pizza hut.

Tax accounting, my arse. You're not
fooling anyone.

The place still stinks of stuffed crust.

And at this point, it's worth talking
about what we are losing here, because

administration has been flashing grants
all over the place. Sometimes, as at

Columbia and Harvard, as a form of
ransom.

But other times, as with the cuts
directed by Doge, to send a clear

about what sort of work is no longer in
favour.

Internal documents have revealed many of
these specific grants targeted were

singled out because they dealt with
things like gender identity, DEI in the

scientific workforce and environmental
justice.

And the end result of all this is, as
one researcher put it, the science in

country is going to be destroyed.

Disruptions in NIH grants have already
affected research on things like

Alzheimer's, cancer, and substance use.
And the thing is, even if Trump's cut

gets reversed, you can't always start
and stop studies whenever you like. Some

involve clinical trials and human
patients who will now find themselves

without treatment, as this cancer
researcher explains.

We're very worried because what's
happening is that one day...

We hear our grants are cut, and the next
day we have to say to a patient, sorry,

no more money's coming in, so we can't
treat you on this trial anymore.

And could that patient die as a result?

Absolutely, because these patients are
on clinical trials because they have no

other options.

Look, I feel terrible for patients in
that situation, but also for the

Because that is a tough conversation to
try to navigate.

Bad news, you can't have medicine
anymore.

Oh, OK, why?

Because the president doesn't like anti
-Semitism.

Really? No, not really. He just cares a
lot about ideological diversity at

colleges. Really? No, not really. His
brain is functionally pudding now, but

people around him told him to do it and
he said fine.

OK, but I'm sorry, what does any of that
have to do with me? Oh, absolutely

nothing. God, thanks so much for
explaining things.

Die.

And while the costs there are obvious,
even science with less immediate

practical impact can wind up being
incredibly useful.

Remember, that shrimp on a treadmill was
ultimately about keeping bacteria out

of seafood.

Drugs like Ozempic.

are based on a hormone identified in an
NIH -funded study of Gila monster venom.

A study of how bees optimise their
nectar foraging led to an algorithm that

powers the $130 billion web hosting
industry. Even that study of rats in a

discovered that certain stress hormones
in the rat's poop changed as they

learned to drive, a finding which may
now inform future behavioural treatments

for mental health. The point is,
somewhere out there is a weird little

that jizzes the cure for cancer.

And some scientist, probably working at
a university, is going to discover that

because she had a healthy curiosity
about frog cum. And honestly, that

kind of makes sense. I'm just saying,
this pig is over 50 years old.

Most pigs don't live that long. What
does she do that most pigs don't? This

right here.

All I'm saying is, maybe there's a
fountain of youth and it's located

two green spindly legs. Sometimes.

Science involves asking weird questions
and getting unexpected answers.

And the thing is, if we lose this vital
university research, there's no real

replacement for it. Private industry
isn't going to pick up the slack here

because these studies don't often have a
clear, immediate return on investment.

As the head of Arizona State points out,
when we invest in research, that

actually helps the private sector, which
is probably something we should talk

about a lot more often.

I left my iPhone out.

Because everybody thinks that this
iPhone 16 is the product of the genius

was the genius of Steve Jobs hardly
There were probably by my estimation 5

academic research groups through the
decades that had something to do with

technology. I'm holding in my hand
Nobody even knows they exist Nobody

hundreds of patents that are in here and
the thousands of articles that back up

the patents that are in here There's not
one aspect of this iPhone 16 which has

not been deeply empowered and enabled
by, at one point or another, some

research activity, some academic
technological development, and no one

of that.

Exactly. Every iPhone ever made contains
the work of thousands of academic

research papers, which we never talk
about.

They may have occasionally also
contained a meaningful part of a child

finger, but we don't talk about that for
different reasons. The point is...

Publicly funded research is, among other
things, good for the economy.

One report found that every dollar of
medical research funded by the NIH

delivers $2 .56 in economic activity. So
even if you are someone who hates

learning and loves money, and yes, I am
talking to one guy in particular here,

publicly funded research is just a no
-brainer. But obviously, that is not

this is really about.

This is about the right being willing to
sacrifice everything, up to and

including a generation's worth of
scientific progress, to get what it

it is not hard to see what that is.

Because when the administration is
launching investigations like, why

there more white men teaching at
Harvard?

You know what they're up to.

Just like you know what the plan was
when they suddenly cancelled diversity

grants awarded to PhD students who were
members of certain racial or ethnic

groups, disabled or from disadvantaged
backgrounds.

And don't just take this from me.

In June, a federal judge, appointed by
Reagan, by the way, ordered hundreds of

terminated research projects reinstated,
and when issuing his ruling, he stated,

I've never seen a record where racial
discrimination was so palpable. I've sat

on this bench now for 40 years. I've
never seen government racial

like this. And I asked myself, how can
this be?

And while I appreciate him, being
willing to call this what it is. I

the Supreme Court decided last month, 5
to 4, to block that judge's order,

allowing the administration to pause
paying out grants to researchers as the

case proceeds in lower court. So, where
do things go from here? Well, I don't

really know, and I'm not sure that this
administration does either, but even if

there is not a fixed destination, there
is a clear direction, and that is that

they want to turn back a clock that,
quite honestly, had taken way too long

move forward and restore the role of
academia to being a training ground for

those looking to uphold old systems of
power instead of questioning them. And

look, you can have problems with
academia.

You can think it's too cloistered or too
liberal. You can think it's becoming

too expensive or that its resources are
misallocated. But the notion of the

state suddenly executing a sweeping
takeover of higher education to this

is chilling.

And if this administration's actions
have taught us one thing so far, it's

no capitulation will be enough, and they
will never stop demanding more. So

given that, I'd argue that to the extent
they can, these institutions need to

stop yielding, stand firm, and fight
back.

Because while I do get the appeal of
thinking just one more concession, one

pale, might safeguard your independence
or let you live to fight another day,

it's worth asking at what point...

Have you compromised so much that the
thing you're supposed to be defending is

gone? And if institutions need some
inspiration in facing that challenge,

I can remind them of one plucky little
guy who would not stop, no matter the

odds, no matter the forces, to try to
push him backwards. I guess what I'm

saying is, universities, you need to act
like that shrimp.

Get your head down and pump your 20
legs.

Not your fucking life depends on it. Get
out there and show people who you are.

Go! Go!

Go!

And now, Ben.

And now, the wit and wisdom of future
Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient,

Rudy Giuliani.

This is Rudy Giuliani, and this is
America's Mayor Live from Mars.

I mean, Fred Mertz, who used to be who
used to be on.

I love Lucy is now is now the chair.

Yeah. Who's now the chancellor of
Germany going around after. How did the

cover the tap tap? Yeah, that guy's Jake
Tapper. Jake Tapper.

Senator.

Senator.

Senator. Whatever the hell his name is.
Van.

This little fat doctor is walking around
after him saying, He's a great out.

He's a perfect out.

Oh, yes.

He's cognitively, he's cognitively
cognitive.

Oh, yes.

Oh, boy.

They think it could be around 10%. Will
you put boots on the ground? No,

Vladimir, no.

They must be going around like,

Meanwhile

So shall we take a short break? We'll
take a short break and we'll be right

with more.

That's our show. Thank you so much for
watching. We are off for the Emmys next

week. Back September 21st. Good night.