Original subtitles

They come from the stars and beyond.

On a full moon rise,

they plant their spider seeds to do their dirty deeds.

Unleashing havoc on innocent kids,

just so happens they spin their webs, every Hallows' Eve.

I call them space invaders.

The kids?

They call them

killer witches.

Got a real bad storm rollin' in.

Want you to get your friends, get them cows rounded up.

You hearing me?

Yes, sir.

Go, boy! It's gonna be a wild one!

Let's go.

Come on, boys! Move!

- Where are the cows? - Over there!

Whoa.

What is that?

I don't know.

What on earth?

Whoa!

Boys!

Get outta the way!

Get these bastards, now!

Whoa!

Die, you bastards!

Die, you bastards!

No!

No!

No! No!

No!

No! No!

No!

Get off of me!

No!

Hm.

Death comet.

Unfortunately tonight has turned

into a very dangerous eve...

We are in a category five tornado warning. Take shelter now.

We'll keep you updated.

Whoa.

What's the matter with you, Cameron?

Green lightning.

It's just lightning, Cameron.

Are you scared?

Just a precaution.

What in the hell is that?

It's a, it's a meteor.

Don't get too close!

Oh, don't do that! You don't even know what that is!

It's not from this world.

He'd spoke of it to tribal.

He said aliens would invade the earth.

When I told my folks, they thought I was insane.

You've been hitting that moonshine again, Earle.

Oh, what we got is ourselves a little space goo!

Whatever it is, I don't like it.

I'm leaving.

And if you were smart, you would too.

Maybe run!

Run!

Right now!

Oh, God!

Something's going on at Earle's farm.

Is the lightning gone?

Yes, Cameron.

Such a dweeb.

Give me those.

Gunshots.

- Let me have those. - Fine.

Uh, I don't see anything.

What?

Where are the farmers?

♪ Tonight's the night we're going out ♪

♪ Let the good times roll, let the people know ♪

What the hell, man?

It's Halloween, bro!

What're you doing?

- Let me see that. - Hey, give that back.

- Give it back, man. - What in the world is this?

That's one fugly-lookin' chick.

Dude, shove your opinion, man. What do you know?

That looks nothing like Alexa.

And how do you know it's supposed to be Alexa?

Dude, your daily conversations consist of Alexa!

Just 'cause I can get a girlfriend and you can't!

♪ My heart swells over your beauty ♪

George.

♪ You take my breath away ♪

- Man, shut up. - Hey, George!

What?

I'm sure two adults like yourselves

can abstain from outburst!

It's two days until Halloween!

You could help the staff

by prepping for the Hallows' Eve event, maybe!

Keep productive!

Zane! You're an artist!

They could use some artistic discretionary guidance!

I could show them your artwork and showcase it!

Do you have any samples?

No. It's not done right now.

Good idea, Zane.

Why don't you show Mr. Bowman your sketch?

It's not done.

I thought it looked quite done.

Why don't you show him, Zane?

- It's all right. - Oh!

There's no worry in seeing a work in...

Hm!

Progress.

It's...

It's abstract.

Practice makes perfect.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a very busy day.

And George, I know the gardeners could use some assistance.

I urge you to help them, if you can't find a normal way

to communicate with your fellow classmates.

I agree.

And George, you know horseplay involving water guns

is forbidden on campus!

That's what I tried telling him.

I'll keep it for safekeeping.

You can see me when school reopens to get it back.

Good day.

Dick.

I know, right?

He's like an alien from outer space.

No, I was talking about you.

Slow down!

Mr. Gates!

Water!

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

How can I help you, my son?

I need to get something off my mind, Father.

Hm.

Last night, they came back.

Who came back?

Them!

The demons.

The ones we saw as kids!

The ones that got your eye!

No!

No! No!

And you saw them?

Yes.

Again.

Last night.

The creatures, they burrowed from the ground,

and reared their ugliness.

I see.

I want you to proceed with 20 Hail Marys.

And you need to remove yourself from anything that

like, chases after this darkness.

Earle, you're my friend.

I need you to abstain from anything

that brings on these visions.

Where did you see them?

In the fields.

Behind the church.

Move!

Gretchen, my knight in shining armor.

Shut up, Cameron. Hi, Gretchen.

In the field, space guys, right now!

Wait! Cameron, come back!

Happy Halloween, Alexa!

Last night,

I saw these green lighting bolts hit the farm field.

Me too.

And this morning,

I saw farmers shooting that thing's in the dark.

Freaky.

I think this is some real stuff.

For real, dude.

Glass containing holes formed by gas bubbles.

All indications of a high-intensity impact.

Excuse me!

- Excuse me! - Hey!

- Excuse me. - Nothing to see here.

What's going on here?

Stop.

Look.

Space dudes!

Oh, cool. Where'd you get those?

At home. Now, shut up.

- Wow, you got equipment. - Hey, what's going on?

Pretty legit.

Hey, give me those.

I'm sorry, but this happens to be church property.

You need to leave.

There's that creepy-looking church man.

The government? What does that have to do with my church?

Why did nobody inform me?

I just did.

Now, move along.

Hey!

Wait.

I implore you.

What's going on?

Father, you look like an intelligent man,

and a man of your caliber

would be better served helping others.

Are you catching my drift?

Yeah. Sorry for my intrusion.

Father, forgive them for the know not what they do.

What do you think they're doing out there, Cam?

Huh.

Got directions of where we're going?

- Realize what time it is? - Huh?

We're here to see Professor M.

- We saw something. - In the fields.

- Behind the church. - Men in white suits.

Bio suits.

Come sit down.

So, you came to see me, huh?

I'm Professor M.

You ever seen a 500-pound spider?

Can't say I have.

So, you came here to see me.

Good.

See this scar right here?

Yeah.

Halloween.

Aliens.

Alien witches.

They didn't like my blood, but they loved kids' blood.

That's why you're here.

To find out what's the right thing to do.

Because up there,

spiders the size of mountains.

Alien witches faster than jets.

And they control

everything, but not me.

So, what did you see?

Witches.

Two little witches.

MIBs?

Men in white suits, covered head to toe.

They looked like they were collecting samples of something

in small test tubes, but I'm not sure what.

You know what Halloween is?

- Yeah. - They come on Halloween.

Sweet

new

blood.

So, like small children?

That's right.

If your destiny is to save all of us,

then you're gonna have to use your heart and your soul.

Be aware.

Be awake.

Do the right thing.

Understand?

Understand.

Same.

Good.

Zane!

Oh, my God! Why did you do that?

You should've seen your face.

So not funny.

It smells great in here!

What is going on in here?

I just pulled an all-night shift. Exhausted.

Just Zane being an idiot Again.

- Thanks, honey. - No problem.

Delicious.

Where's Cameron?

He's out in the fields with Gretchen.

Mm, mm, mm. I'm gonna ring that boy's neck.

Yeah, while you're at it, can you start off with Zane?

What did I do?

Do you guys have any plans for Halloween?

We were gonna go as Han and Leia.

- Leia. - Leia!

- Really? - Yes!

Oh.

But I don't think it's gonna work out.

Why?

I was thinking I could be Freddy Krueger,

and you could be one of my victims.

- You've lost your mind! - It'll work out.

- Yes, yes! - Oh, I'm starving.

Ah, ah, ah!

Don't look at me like that.

You need to ask me before you just run out of this house.

I don't like you in those fields.

The FBI are at the church, right now.

They're investigating where the green lightning

hit last night.

I don't want you near those fields, Cameron.

- FBI? - Listen to your mom, kid.

Seriously, you guys are freaking me out

with all your weird conspiracy stuff.

Active imaginations.

Shut up!

We saw men in white suits in the field.

It was probably just pest control.

They were digging around

where the lightning bolts hit last night.

Pest control don't do that.

- You said white suits? - Yeah.

That's not pest control, and it ain't the FBI.

Those guys?

They're undertakers.

And what they're doing is digging holes for bodies,

the size of you and yours.

Zane!

Yes, ma'am.

Have another roll.

I don't think you understand

how big this problem could end up being.

This is the MIB we're talking about.

Hm.

I bet your mother would be incredibly interested to hear

that you two have been running around on church property,

spying on federal agents.

You guys watch too much TV.

Hey, I think I figured out

why the lightning was green last night.

What?

Gases?

From solar radiation?

Do they teach you kids anything these days?

From the sun?

So, could it destroy Earth?

A big one could, probably.

I think it's aliens from outer space,

looking to eat the meat off of little kid's bones!

Zane!

Yes, ma'am.

Hello?

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing.

Farm field.

Nine o'clock.

Hello?

You got other stuff?

You know we're not at a picnic, right?

Yeah. I know that.

See anything yet?

Gretchen, just be quiet for once.

A gopher?

That's no gopher.

What is that?

They look like

Gretchen, what do they look like?

Witches.

Gretchen, shh!

You can't be eating. You're gonna give away your position.

I can't find him. I lost him.

You lost him? How'd you lose him?

You distracted me!

We need to go, like right now.

Cameron! Cameron!

Whoa, easy!

Gretchen, it's me. What, what's going on?

Out in the field, out there. Witches!

Who were you with?

- Cameron. - Cameron.

Okay. I need you to go straight home.

Don't stop for anybody.

- Okay. - Okay, go.

Bye, Gretchen.

Is your mother home?

She's working the late shift. What happened?

I think he saw something.

Nord Northcom non-secure line.

Is this the military?

Yes.

This is the military.

Cool!

I wanna report witches from outer space!

You don't say.

All right. Yep.

Yeah, I got it.

I got it. Thank you very much.

All right. Anybody have killer witches tonight?

Yep. There it is.

Killer witches.

Cameron?

Cameron?

Cameron.

He's been like this for the last hour.

I think he's possessed.

Don't say that!

Cameron, honey. Can you blink or...

Say something?

Mom, what are you doing?

I think Cameron's possessed!

I already said that.

But we need to get your brother help.

Wait. You thought I was serious?

Mom, I was just kidding. Why don't we just call Dad?

Alexa, please. He's the last person I'd ask for help.

Fine. Here.

Why don't we call this guy?

He has five stars!

Hm.

Father Angelo Fontoni.

- Is this your father? - Hello?

- Not exactly. - Hello?

Alexa.

Hello?

Hello?

Yes, this is Ms. Clare.

- Ms. Clare? - What can I do for ya?

We may need your help with something, Father.

Do you still do work in exorcism?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I'm still doing that.

In fact, you're lucky.

I'm one of a few people that can still deal in those cases.

Okay, good, 'cause I just had no idea where to start.

I'm gonna ask you a set of simple questions.

Are you, Ms. Clare, dealing with any phenomena

that suggests paranormal activity

or nuances of demonic visitation?

Exactly what are you asking?

Are there devils or ghosts in your house?

Oh, well, first, it's not me, it's my son,

and second, we live in a holy house.

Has your son shown any signs of insomnia,

pale skin, or uh, vomiting, in your recollection?

Um...

No. I mean, he has been repeating the word "witches" a lot.

Mm.

Has he claimed to have machinated with this group or entity?

"Machinated"?

Has he colluded or plotted with the witches?

Oh. Not that I know of.

Do you think you can help us or not?

- There's a good chance. - Thank you, Father.

Thank you.

I can make an exception, uh,

due to the urgency of this matter.

Okay. Thank you, Father.

Then all you've gotta do

is put your faith in the professionals.

They don't call me "The Exorcizer" for nothin'.

What're you doing, Halloween night?

We were going as Han and Leia,

but my mom's forcing me to babysit.

That's so stupid. It's Halloween.

It's my little brother Cameron.

The little shit was out in the field last night

and saw something and he's like totally traumatized now.

This is insane.

It's your senior year, Alexa,

and you're babysitting your little brother?

I know.

Sebastian?

What is that?

Is it maybe like a trash bag?

You're absolutely right.

People love to hang their trash bags on telephone poles.

It looks organic. Maybe like it's breathing or something?

- You're freaking me out. - You're real sick, Alexa.

I'm not buying your crap.

Run!

Alexa?

- I saw them. - They took my friends!

Come here. Easy.

Hey. Easy.

You're, you're safe. Come here.

Breathe easy. Breathe easy.

There were these huge spiders out in the fields!

Okay, and you saw them, Alexa?

- Yes. - How many were there?

I don't know. Two, three?

I didn't really have time to sit down and count!

Okay.

Listen me carefully.

The only way to fight this evil is through solid faith.

Okay? And the armor of God.

- So, Cameron was right? - What even are those things?

I think I know.

Not from this world.

Demons.

Yeah. Cameron called them witches.

I'm here to help, Father. You can count on me.

They got Cameron! They got him!

Sit down.

Relax.

Who has Cameron?

The MIBs? The aliens?

- Who? - The witches.

The witches?

Wait a minute. What happened to the aliens?

Well, it kinda looked like a killer witch from outer space

but it got Cameron, and he's too stunned to talk.

Okay.

Listen.

He is a strong boy.

You need to keep talking to him, okay? It's important.

You just keep talking to him.

You're actually gonna bring him back.

What do I do now?

Have the faith.

Be with him.

Go with your soul.

Okay.

Go.

Sitting out there in the fields.

Out there, Sheriff.

You wanna point to me where you saw him, exactly?

Well, since we've already had issues in this area,

it will have to be completely blocked off.

Yes, Sheriff.

There were reports that these fields

were off limits yesterday.

Yeah.

By the government.

But I think this is something

far more sinister than that, Officer.

So, you're telling me

that some of your friends were lifted off the ground by.

Witches.

Witches, huh?

Yes, Sheriff.

Quite an imagination.

I'm gonna go check it out.

In all my years,

I ain't never seen anything like it.

Did you see the witches?

Kid, please. Not in the mood.

Whatever's out there ain't nothin' short or normal.

Hey, Gretchen.

What did you say these looked like?

I'm not entirely sure, but...

It all happened so fast.

But they kinda looked like they had long heads,

and hump dish backs, but Cameron saw more than I did.

Hey.

Nice car.

69?

Yeah, yeah. Somethin' like that.

This...

This is, this is, this is, this is termites, Father.

This is termites.

Yeah, this don't look like no termites to me.

I think it looks more like a bear claw.

This ain't no bear claw mark.

Yeah! Sure it is.

This here, my friends, is the mark of the beast.

A demon.

What is he doin'?

Padre, what're we doing over here?

Taking a specimen.

This is termites. What're we supposed to do, huh?

Get right with him.

Practice the Holy Trinity.

Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

Spectacle, testicles, wallet, watch. Spectacle, testicles...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got it. Yeah, that's it.

Learn.

All right?

Good?

Like the cross.

- The cross! - There you go!

- There you go. - That's it, that's it.

Yeah. Yeah, but next time, do the right words, okay?

God bless both of you.

Be careful.

Take good care of that car now!

Still say it was termites, though!

2003.

TB-145, a dead star, passes by earth.

It's a comet that looks like a human skull.

- Can I take a look? - Yeah.

I don't see anything.

It's kinda hard to see what the naked eye.

I am wearing contacts.

That doesn't really correlate.

Here. I recorded it the other night.

Oh, cool.

The military calls it the Great Pumpkin.

Whoa.

So, it's a comet that looks like a skull,

but they call it the Great Pumpkin?

Exactly.

Okay.

It passes by Earth every now and then.

Is it gonna hit Earth?

Not this time.

But it's gonna hit Earth eventually?

Maybe eventually.

Man, why can't you just be into normal things?

Like, you know this kinda stuff freaks me out, okay?

Just forget about the death comment.

Come to the dance with me. It'll be fine.

You know I can't. I have to watch Cameron.

Why?

He's literally in his room, shaking and crying.

He'll be fine.

No, he won't!

Zane, something is going on.

I've been seeing things,

and I think it's connected to this comet,

and Cameron saw something that scared him so bad,

he's literally speechless.

Chill out.

It's conspiracy theories.

Just a bunch of crazy talk, okay?

Sometimes, the crazy ones are right all along.

Fine.

I'm going to the party. You have fun crazy-sitting.

I will.

♪ Hey, witchy mama, do you need a place tonight ♪

You can't string wires across the room like that!

They can potentially choke someone!

Move them, now!

Come on, people!

Let's focus!

Where do you want it?

Huh? Huh?

Over there!

♪ You can't run ♪

We're gonna nail these freshmen so hard.

Okay, you get Gretchen. I'm gonna get Tommy.

I'm gonna get Cameron too. Don't even worry.

Nail every...

Dude!

- That's my God, bro. - That's one less freshman!

- You're right. - We gotta, let's just...

Okay.

Our work here is done.

No, it's not!

Let's blow this taco stain.

Come on, let's chill out for a little longer.

Yeah!

Dude. Please tell me you're not waiting for Alexa, dude!

You're insane. She ain't gonna show!

She is gonna show up.

She's avoiding you.

Yeah, is that right? Do you think she's avoiding me?

No, this dude's full of it.

Thank you.

Oh.

Hey!

This is gonna be so awesome.

These freshmen aren't gonna know what hit them.

- Ms. Clare? - Yes.

- Father Fontoni. - Hi, Father.

- How's the boy? - He's upstairs.

The light bothers him, so I blocked up the window.

It doesn't surprise me.

It's very typical in these sorts of situations.

You feel that?

- No. - A bit?

No.

I feel something.

There's definitely a demonic presence in this room.

I gotta pull out the powerful stuff.

What does that do?

I'm working here, ma'am.

- What are you doing? - Relax.

It's just holy water.

If there was a problem,

you'd be melting into a big old poof right now.

Poof.

Do you know why I'm here?

If you can hear me, shake your head.

Good, good. Okay.

I need to know what you've seen.

I need to know what you're feelin'.

Okay.

Last night,

I saw something.

What'd you see?

Witches.

Witches from outer space.

And what makes you think these were witches you seen?

They just were.

They looked like that.

Zane.

Hey.

Hey, uh, are you coming?

I said no.

My mom hired an exorcist for Cameron and he's here now.

A what?

Does he have a ghost?

A what?

Exorcist?

Nothing. It doesn't matter.

Listen, babe, are you just trying to avoid me?

No. I'm not, Zane.

I just have to be here for Cameron right now.

Do me a favor, please. Don't go outside tonight.

Wait, wait.

Like I said.

Avoiding you.

Shut up.

We have two teenagers missing

and an investigation taking place involving search parties.

In the meantime, I'm gonna request

that you cancel this party.

Sheriff, isn't that a bit extreme?

You may be right, but in this case,

it's best that they stay home.

You expect me to cancel a party

that includes over 90 teenagers?

Their raging hormones will go wild!

And I'm not about to deal with those raging hormones

that would annihilate me for doing it!

I'm sure a man of your candor

can manage to set this straight.

We have a serious situation developing here,

and I've seen enough with my own eyes.

I'm giving you one hour, Mr. Bowman.

May I see him?

I suppose. A short visit.

- Father. - Father.

Well, it looks like my work here is done for now.

- Thank you, Father. - Absolutely.

If anything changes of the boy's status, like uh,

profuse sweating, vomiting,

or weird contorting of the body,

you call my hotline immediately.

- Capisce? - Capisce.

Thank you.

Very important.

Cameron, can I come in?

Sure.

Pretty rough night, huh, bud?

Yeah.

You know, Cameron,

I believe every word that you're saying.

They think I'm crazy.

Believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel.

You know, in life, things tend to get in the way

and they can either build you up or take you down.

Then the witches are taking me down.

No, Cameron, they could never.

You have the ability to push 'em away.

How?

Let's just say.

I know.

I've seen them too.

You, you did?

Yeah.

A long time ago.

And I've never really told anybody this, but,

I've hid it like a secret.

Hid it behind this patch.

It's like your war wound.

Yeah.

Kinda.

Whoa.

Shh.

You see, when I saw them,

they took my eye and they gave me this.

Do you think they can see us?

Yeah.

They can see us and hear us.

Hello?

Hello? Anyone in there?

I just, I don't think I can fight 'em alone.

I'm with you all the way, Dad.

Let's go kill some witches.

Reports of some missing youngsters out there.

Don't know if these kiddos are just skipping school,

but if you happen to see some crazy stuff outside,

like some witches flying around or some aliens coming down,

call your local authority and let 'em know

what you have seen.

All right, all you ghosts and goblins,

let's get back to the hits!

Jesus!

You know, you could've been killed!

This is not a safe night to be outside.

I think your parents would agree with me.

My parents wouldn't care!

Get in the car. I'll take you home.

Professor M.

Earle.

Gather everybody together. Something's coming down.

Put your posse together.

Yeah.

- I got it. - Copy.

All right.

Please, please, everyone, may have your attention?

Please, settle down! Can I have your attention?

Please, settle down!

I'm sorry to have to say this.

I know how hard you've worked on this party,

and for some of you, these moments and events

are things that are gonna stick with you

as you go into the real world!

I'm sorry to have to say this, but the party is canceled!

I know! I know!

But there are circumstances that put us in this position!

The local authorities have suggested

that your parents or guardians escort you home!

No one is to leave by themselves!

The party is off, folks!

That's not fair. We've worked so hard.

Let's go.

You should've shut this down.

Will you boys help me round everyone up

so we can get them home?

With all due respect, Sheriff,

how do you expect us to do all that?

You're gonna help me contact their families, one by one.

Ms. Sheriff?

Perhaps if I could wear a badge, I could be like a deputy.

I think knowing your recent history,

you're better suited as a safety guard.

Safety guard?

Safety cop.

Shut up, man.

Uh, who called this guy?

Hey, somebody called the exterminator, huh?

Gretchen?

Yes?

I run Uncle Quint's Eight-Legged Elimination, all right?

If it has zero legs or more than four,

we smash it to the floor.

If those spiders are as big as the girl said...

Listen, I don't think you know

what we're dealing with here.

Don't tell me my business, holy man, okay?

You guys called the exterminator, all right?

And once I go in there and kill those SOBs,

then you guys can get back to your little square dance,

or whatever it is you got going on here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, tough guy.

We'll wait here.

But understand, those demons out there?

Those bastards are fast.

Idiot.

Better him than me.

Better him than all of us.

Outta your mind out here, huh?

What're we doing out here, you little critters, huh?

Forget about it, right?

I know how to deal with 'em street urchins.

They're everywhere.

They only said a couple of spiders.

Only a couple of 'em. Spiders with wings, though?

They only said a couple of spiders.

Is that what you look like?

Yeah.

Yeah, did you see that? Right?

Did your Fisher Price spray toy work this time?

They're massive spiders, right? Five legs!

And you are right, Padre. They're huge!

They're fast, right?

You know what they're doing right now?

They're headed out north to the high school,

where the kids are at!

They're having a Halloween party.

If it's not cats, it's kids.

- You did say kids, right? - I say kids.

Yeah. Young blood.

They've always been looking for young blood.

- How do you know? - 'Cause we were young blood.

And you're just gonna have to trust us on this.

We're gonna need a bigger gun, then.

Well, where the hell they at?

Point us in the right direction, then.

Well, why didn't you just ask? Come with me.

Padre, I thought you were a man of God.

Did you ever read the Old Testament?

No, but I like your style.

Look. Round everybody up, get 'em over to the school.

I'll see you there.

Come with me.

From your past, I'm guessing?

Yeah I keep 'em around to fight evil on occasion.

And, uh, what kinda work is it that you do?

Exorcisms.

Hey, kid. Get away from the car.

The power just went out.

What the heck was that noise?

- Did you lock all the doors? - I think so.

Did you hear that?

- What was that noise? - I don't know.

- I didn't hear it. - Go check, now.

- Now, go, go. - Okay.

Mom?

- What? - Behind you.

Everyone downstairs!

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Look!

Look!

Oh, no.

Everybody upstairs!

I'm gonna barricade the door!

Good idea.

How did you get in here?

- The back door. - What?

It's always Gretchen.

- What? - What?

Water!

Water! It, it kills them!

Water?

Water.

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Come on. Faster!

We should probably turn on the sprinklers.

All right.

Water.

On three. One.

- Two. - Two.

- Three! - Three!

Let's go, Preacher! We gotta go!

Earle! Let 'em know.

What?

Earle, I need you to get the others on the phone.

Let 'em know that water, water kills 'em!

Cameron! I need you to look after Mom and Alexa, okay?

Sure, Dad.

Gotta hurry up.

Alexa!

Looks like we're gonna be safe.

- Hey, hey, hey! - They're all gonna die.

What do you want from me? It's cold outside.

I got a real bad feeling about this.

I wish we had a cat.

What?

A cat? What would we do with a cat?

My cat Ripley likes to catch and eat spiders!

That's gotta be one big freaking cat.

She's pretty big.

- Oh, hey! - Get in here, dude.

Are they dead?

What the heck?

Two spider-mans.

That's one way to win best costume.

Settle down, everyone! Settle down!

I'm scared!

Everyone, stay in your seats!

What is that?

Everyone stay in your seats!

Settle down, everyone. Settle down!

Change of plans!

Everybody grab a chair and barricade the doors!

Cameron! Alexa!

Get back here!

Whoa, whoa! Hold your fire, hold your fire!

Come on!

It's not working!

We need holy water!

Hey, Father! Father!

All you had to do was ask!

I got all kinds of holy water.

I knew I could count on you, Fontoni.

You guys better hurry up with that holy water!

This stuff isn't working, guys!

Hurry! Fill it up!

Let's go! Move!

- Fill it up, fill it up. - It's on my

Jesus Christ, Father. It's the good stuff!

- Well, I'm getting it. - Okay, okay, okay, okay!

Christ, for Christ's sake!

Here, pass it around. Pass it around.

Get your holy water here. Holy water.

- Get your holy water. - Thank you, Father.

Holy water.

Everybody get their holy water?

- Got it. - You good?

- Let's do this! - Let's do this, Father.

Witch claw.

You guys ready? You ready for this?

- Ready. - Let me hear it!

- Get the bastards! - Woo!

Take that!

Hey, everybody get outta here!

You heard him! Get lost!

Go!

Come on!

Oh, man.

I don't want to get abducted, man!

They're gonna probe us!

No, dude, I don't wanna get probed!

You know what happened when you get probed?

Yes! You grow up, never being the same!

All right, guys.

I'm gonna go and help the kids out, all right?

- I'll see you guys in there. - All right.

- Let's- - Kick.

Ass.

I think we can find some in here.

Now, that's what I'm talking about.

Wait. Over there?

Yeah.

Okay.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Oh, yeah. That's good.

Here, kid.

All right, let's get outta here.

Father, you need to bless it.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, yeah.

About that? Uh...

There's a little problem.

What?

I get kicked out.

What?

I got kicked out of the church, okay? My temper.

Are you serious?

What about all the spectacles, testicles,

watch and wallet crap you told us?

Yeah, what do you want me to say?

And you're only telling us this now?

Do it.

- Do what? - Bless the water.

I can't.

- Do it. - I can't!

Sometimes, you just need to have a little bit of faith.

All right, all right. Okay, okay.

Father. Holy Father.

Holy Father.

Holy Father, please bless this water. Uh...

You got this.

Amen.

Let's get outta here.

Come on, Zane.

Come on, Zane.

Answer, answer. Please answer.

Come on, come on, come on.

Oh, man. George, hurry, dude!

Guns don't work.

You!

I'm going to have to ask you to leave!

I guess we don't have detention anymore, man.

That means class is canceled tomorrow.

Yeah, I think.

- Oh... - Yes!

You know what's worse than water?

Holy water!

Holy water!

You, George, are the smartest human being on Earth.

Oh, yeah! You like that?

Hah! Come on!

This one's for you, Dad!

Want me to play baseball all the time!

I don't like baseball!

Yeah, baby!

Let's go.

Keep 'em coming, George. Come on!

Hell yeah!

Holy water? Oh, I got somethin' better.

Fire water!

I guess we won't have detention anymore.

I'm never gonna graduate.

You never were.

We kicked his ass.

Think we got 'em all?

They might be back.

Eh.

Woo!

You got 'em?

Yes!

Let's go!

What a great story.

You two might have helped save the human race.

How?

No one's gonna believe us.

We're just two kids.

Besides, all of our evidence

just melted.

Wait. I think I can prove it.

What?

I found

this, at the school.

The claw of an alien witch!

For sure, you might have saved the world.

You must tell everybody. Tell everybody!

Hopefully, they got their hint.

But I'm willing to bet they'll be back.

They'll be back.

We'll switch on the lens. All right.

And welcome to Uncle Quinn's Eight-Legged Elimination.

If it has more than four legs or none at all,

we smash it to the floor!

All right, I wanna show you guys something special.

Look at this. This is my cat Salem's first kill ever, huh?

Look at it. She's beautiful.

Took it to the taxidermist.

Had a taxidermian in this, did this,

or whatever it is they do, huh?

Beautiful piece, right there.

Also, I wanna thank you so much for your viewership.

We have doubled in the last three months

from 20 to 52 viewers.

Oh, my God. It's fantastic, huh?

So, make sure you tell your friends.

Subscribe, smash that like button down here, and up here,

we got a video on our last excursion with aliens,

and over here, my all-time favorite video,

it's all about how to battle bedbugs.

Oh, quick, before we go, I wanna introduce you to somebody

super special and super near and dear to my heart.

I'd like to bring in Salem, my cat. Come here, baby.

Come here, baby. This is Salem.

Look at him. Oh, yes.

Salem, say hello.

"Hello, I'm Salem the kitty cat. I kill spiders."

You hear that?

You hear that?

It sounds like we're going after the five-legged

buggers again, huh?

All right. Listen, I gotta go.

Uncle Quinn, signing out.

♪ School's out, school's out forever ♪

♪ School's out, school's out forever ♪

♪ We're stuck in detention ♪

♪ We never thought that life went good ♪

♪ School's out, school's out forever ♪

♪ School's out, school's out forever ♪

♪ But we were hiding from them ♪

♪ School's out, school's out forever ♪

♪ School's out, school's out forever ♪

♪ We just had no idea ♪

♪ Until the witches made it clear ♪

♪ Is that the sound, the principal's gone ♪

♪ They took, the principal's dead ♪

♪ School's out, school's out forever ♪

♪ Is that the sound, the principal's gone ♪

♪ School's out, school's out forever ♪

♪ Is that the sound, the principal's gone ♪

♪ Man, we'll never be the same again ♪

♪ School's out, school's out forever ♪

♪ Is that the sound, the principal's gone ♪

♪ School's out, school's out forever ♪