All language subtitles for Butterfly.in.a.Blizzard.2025.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD.5.1.H.264-playWEB.Hi

[phone line ringing]

-[video call connects]
-[Koa] Mom?

Yeah?

[Koa] I'm just
looking for this...

[Chris] Oh, yeah.

[Koa] ...notebook
with the brown cover.

[Chris] His notebook with
the brown cover on it,

we seem to not be
able to find it.

It's in that basket.
It's cardboard.

It's not a brown cover.

-[Koa] Find it.
-Okay, can you find it?

[Koa] Yeah.

[Chris] Let's see.

[Aurélie Athan] As
experts and psychologists,

we have long known
that becoming a mother

is a catalyst for
radical change.

[director] So, ready and action.

One, two.

[reporter] Kimmy Fasani up next,

a household name
in snowboarding.

She's got an unbelievable story.

[Athan] Motherhood
is a confrontation

with both life and death.

It's one of the few experiences
where you understand

what it takes to bring
life into this world,

and also the preciousness
of that life.

And you might even encounter

a death-defying
experience along the way.

But the culture and the science

has remained silent
on this for so long.

It's the biggest
story never told.

[introspective music]

[wind whistling]

[wind howling]

These ideas really started
in the identity development

theories of our foremothers,

many of whom were actually
psychologists and theorists

who became mothers and
then finally used the tools

of their own science to explain
what was going on for them.

And they talked about this
idea of an identity change,

a "me" change.

That doesn't happen overnight.

♪

[vacuum whirring]

[barking]

[Kimmy Fasani] Typical me, I
already have an email drafted,

and it's basically
fill-in-the-blanks,

like a Mad Lib, you know?

All Chris had to do was put
in the name and what happened.

The doctor yesterday warned me,

she's like, "You know, you
might have a higher than normal

pain tolerance because of
everything you've been through."

-So, like...
-[woman on phone] Definitely.

[laughs] So, like,
don't wait too long.

[fire crackling]

[soft music playing on stereo]

When I became pregnant,
I was at the highest peak

I'd ever got to in snowboarding,

a passion that I had
developed a career from.

It says, "Get ready.
It's time to get

your hospital bag
and documents ready.

It'd be the perfect time
to go to the hospital."

What I had seen happen
to women before me

was that as soon as they
chose to become moms,

they all of a sudden
were no longer...

a professional
snowboarder anymore.

I think it's a boy.

[Kimmy] But I knew I
wanted to start a family,

and I had no intention
of slowing down.

[gentle music]

[Judy Fasani] This
is June 7th, 1988.

It's supposed to be
summer. It is summer.

But summer in the mountains
sometimes has lots of snow.

Kimmy's trying to get the
trampoline all uncovered.

Smart girl.

[Kimmy] My mom had the
strongest work ethic I know.

She was a single mom,
and she was an OR nurse.

She worked full-time.

[Judy] I had to dig Kimmy's snow
clothes out of the back room.

Rough year for gardening.

[Kimmy] We lived in a
cabin at the highest place

you could live in Truckee.

We were always
inundated by snow.

If the school bus got stuck,

she would walk outside
with her can of ashes

from our fireplace and put it
under the school bus tires.

She had this ability
to do anything.

[Judy] There's our wood in
the yard for the winter.

We can still see the neighbors.

[Kimmy] My mom had me
when she was 39 years old,

and that was about 40 years ago.

She was never married to my dad,
who struggled with alcoholism.

He was a loving man,

and yet he had a
toxic lifestyle.

My mom was doing
everything on her own,

and so she raised me
to be very independent.

[Judy] Pump!

[Kimmy] She had a
meditation practice,

which I didn't
really understand,

but I knew to be still with her.

[Kimmy in video]
Merry Christmas.

-We're cooking breakfast.
-Merry Christmas!

[Kimmy] I wasn't just her
daughter, I was her partner.

We were each other's soulmates.

♪

And she was kind of
a ski bum at heart,

so when I asked her if I
could learn how to snowboard,

she decided to
let me have a try.

[Judy] Well, here comes Kimmy.

She's just learning
to use this board.

[Kimmy] I'll never
forget that feeling,

stepping onto that snowboard,
trying something new

that not even my
mom knew how to do.

Snowboarding was the first
time I realized my own desire.

There was something
there that I needed.

♪

When I had just
graduated eighth grade,

my dad got diagnosed
with cancer.

And within just a few
months, he was gone.

[somber music]

Snowboarding broke me away
from that pain of loss.

[Judy] Come on, baby.

[woman] All right! Whoo!

[announcer] And here
comes Kimmy Fasani!

-[crowd cheering]
-This girl rips!

[Kimmy] It just made me happy.

[Judy] So, Kimmy, what's
the, uh, game plan for today?

Game plan? I have
a lot of homework,

but probably not gonna do it.

[man in video] Yeah, Kimmy!

[Kimmy] I moved to Mammoth.

All the pros lived here.

I wanted to pursue
professional snowboarding.

-[laughing]
-[man] Now hold it up.

[Kimmy] And I got sponsors,

and I started
traveling and filming.

[man] Kimmy at the
lift in three...

[Kimmy] It was a dream job.

["Selfish Soul" by
Sudan Archives playing]

♪ Time I feed my selfish soul ♪

♪

Whoo!

-[man in video] Hell yeah!
-[Judy] Hi, honey, it's just me.

I was just reading
about you last night.

You are absolutely amazing.

[Kimmy] The whole
lifestyle of snowboarding

is what makes it so addicting.

You're living your
passion, you're outdoors,

you're riding with your friends.

Doesn't get better than that.

-Arrr! Arrr!
-[all laughing]

We decided to host
a pirate theme party

for an opening of a
new snowboard movie.

[partygoers
laughing, chattering]

Hello, mate.

[Chris Benchetler]
I was a skier.

My brother was a snowboarder.

And we worked at the ice
cream parlor in town.

It was the perfect job.

Opened at three o'clock,
and you could shred all day.

Kimmy came in and she's like,
"Are you Peter's brother?"

And I said, "Yeah."

And she said, "I heard
you lost your father.

I lost my father. If
you ever wanna talk..."

My dad died of cancer as well.

Kimmy was the first person
I had opened up with.

We connected on a deep
level pretty immediately.

Hey! I love you.

-[Kimmy] You love me?
-Yeah, Kim.

[gasps]

[Kimmy] Chris and I fell in
love the first time we met.

She opened my eyes to
the depth of a human.

Her mom was very
reluctant of me.

I was underage. Kimmy was 19.

She's like, "Are you kidding
me? Have you asked his mom?"

[Kimmy] We were both on
this journey to be the best

that we could be in our sport.

[Chris] She's always been
so driven and so powerful.

Yeah, Kimmy!

[Kimmy] I earned
a spot in Alaska,

the biggest playground
that you can snowboard in.

And I just felt like I
had come home to myself.

[Chris] I started bringing
my art into my skiing.

[Kimmy] We were both
hitting our peak.

They did these double backflips
together, which is amazing.

♪ I don't want no struggles,
I don't want no fears ♪

♪ I don't want no struggles,
I don't want no fears ♪

♪ I don't want no struggles,
I don't want no... ♪

[Chris] Kimmy, you just
landed a double back flip.

[Kimmy] That's so sick!

[reporter] Look at the
video out of Mammoth,

just right on the edge.

♪ Time I embrace
my self and soul ♪

♪ Time I feed my selfish soul ♪

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Look how far we've come!

There was always a
new limit to push.

We were never content.

[Chris] Kimmy and I were just
ships passing in the night.

"I'll meet you at this
airport for a kiss."

[Kimmy] We were free.

[camera shutter clicks]

[announcer] And your Women's
Rider of the Year is...

Kimmy Fasani!

[cheering, applause]

I want to dedicate
this award to my mom.

She couldn't be here tonight.

I love her so much.

She introduced me
to the mountains.

And I would have never
found snowboarding

if it wasn't for her support.

So, thank you, Judy!

[cheering, applause]

And yet there was so
much contradiction

at that point in my life.

Because a month
before that award,

my mom was diagnosed with
a really aggressive cancer.

[heartbeat thudding]

[Judy on recording] Pure joy...

is pure observation.

[Kimmy] She always
asked me if I was happy.

And as long as I said yes,
she never revisited it.

But I knew that she wanted
to watch me become a mom.

[heartbeat thudding continues]

[Judy on recording] Pure
joy... is total acceptance.

[Kimmy] I wanted that too.

But there was never a good time.

[Kimmy crying softly]

And it wasn't until she got sick

that I realized...

I'm gonna walk this path
of being a mom without her.

[gentle music]

You gave your mom
a hard time today.

Yeah.

Are you always gonna
give me a hard time?

-Hi.
-I got my wish.

I'm so happy to
finally meet you.

Ten months later.

Hi.

I see you.

♪

[Koa fussing]

♪

[wailing]

What's wrong?

[Koa fussing softly]

I was so full of love,

and I had a
beautiful birth plan.

But when I went in
for my C-section,

I remember being scared,

and for the first
time in a long time,

felt completely out of control.

The doctor just gave me the okay

to resume my normal
activity level.

Back out in the
mountains in Mammoth.

Feels so good to move again.

We wanted to be those people.

Our child didn't slow us down.

No matter how exhausted we were,

we just wanted to keep
our life the same.

[wind gusting]

You still awake back there?

We're just out
wandering in the woods.

[Kimmy] Koa, you're
almost ten months old.

[Chris] Dang.

Entering into 2019 winter.

Getting this dude ready for
the cold weather in Japan.

There are complications of
being a professional athlete.

Contracts are annual.

There's injury clauses in them.

You are on your own,
you're self-employed.

It is up to you to perform...

and not fuck it up.

Is this possible with a child?

[Kimmy] All of my contracts
were up when I was pregnant.

And there was no
protection for pregnancy.

You were able to be terminated.

[Donna Carpenter] Kimmy
and I have become friends

over the years, and I got this
kind of formal text from her.

I remember calling her, and
she couldn't quite spit it out.

All of a sudden I was like, "Oh
my God, Kimmy, you're pregnant."

There was no policy.

But I said, "Kimmy,
let's pioneer this.

Let's see what this looks like."

[camera shutter clicks]

[Kimmy] I was gonna
do it differently.

I thought that
women can do it all.

[interviewer] Do you
still think that?

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

Hello.

♪

[Athan] There's a
missing nomenclature

for the transition
to motherhood.

Media, unfortunately,
has sort of flattened it.

But this is about being
invited into our depth.

♪

[Bellenbaum] Adolescence
gets a name, gets a label.

When we hear the word,
we automatically think

of just how complicated
and difficult it is

to move through that period
in a young person's life.

[Amber Thornton] For mothers, we
expect that they'd have a baby,

spend time with the baby,

and then go back
to the same thing.

Here's your six-week
checkup, and, on your own.

[Nicole Bolden]
You grew a human.

We forget the magnificence of
that, the grandeur of that.

We're not the same.

♪

Matrescence is the developmental
process of becoming a mother.

It's going to affect and change
many, many areas of your life

that make you human,
biologically, neurologically,

relationally, socially,
existentially.

You go through something
akin to puberty.

It's a very disorienting time.

♪

[Kimmy] I was really excited to
get back out into the mountains.

I had a nanny that
could travel with me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

The resort closes,
I think, at 3:45,

so I shouldn't be
more than 4:00.

But I think I painted it to be
a lot more simple than it was.

Okay, should we have
them lock the house?

[Chris] Koa and
Bridgette are here.

Oh, sorry. Yeah.

Come on, brain.

In the boot room, I
stupidly left my pump.

Stupid.

[Catherine Birndorf] There are
all these different aspects

of it that contribute
to the storm.

♪

[Athan] Your brain is being
bathed in a lot of hormones.

[wind whistling]

It's starting to bring
tremendous neuroplasticity.

Your mind is changing.

[Bellenbaum] There's a
million things going on

in your mind all the time.

You're thrust into an extended
period of sleep deprivation.

And so it absolutely
contributes to this concept

that in some ways we kind
of joke about mom brain,

but what's really going on are
all of these enormous shifts.

[Birndorf] Women are
sold a bill of goods

that it's easy, natural,
blissful, perfect.

You'll get this, everyone's
done it before you,

don't worry about it.

And that's just not how it is.

[Koa crying]

[Kimmy] Baby has
another tooth coming in.

'Cause he's uncomfortable.

The non-dream-feed
totally backfired.

He normally can
do the dream-feed

and he's immediately out,
and then I can go to sleep.

So instead he woke up,
and he was up for an hour,

and wouldn't settle.

But I think it's because
I've been pumping so much

that my milk isn't...
when he has it,

it's not as hearty,

because I've been,
like, eliminating it

throughout the day.

And so I think
it's a combination

of him being hungry,

and it was just a bad night
to try to stop dream-feeding.

It's always something, though.

Definitely.

[Koa crying]

Is he standing or laying?

[Koa fussing]

[Koa grunting]

[director on radio] All
right, Kimmy, we're ready.

Whoa!

[Koa grunting]

[Kimmy shouts]

[Kimmy] That didn't work.

-[Koa screams]
-[Kimmy screams]

Do you think I'll be okay
if I'm not home for an hour?

[Bridgette on phone] Okay.

-Hi, Koa.
-[Koa crying]

I know, I know, I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have seen you.

-Okay, bye.
-[Bridgette] Bye.

Oh, I should just go home.

[Koa crying]

-[Koa crying]
-Hey, Koa. Come here, come here.

Yeah, what's going on?

-[Chris] He's like, I heard...
-What's going on?

[Koa crying]

[Bridgette & Chris
chattering indistinctly]

Yeah, yeah.

I love you.

[Kimmy] My body is doing things

that I've never
had it do before.

I haven't slept through
the night in ten months.

Not once.

Every morning I
wake up around 4:00,

and I would've
already been up, like,

two or three times
during the night.

From the moment I wake up,

I never really have time to
think about anything for myself.

Hot. Hot.

Koa won't take a
bottle that well,

and so it's a cycle of
trying to figure out

when to feed and pump.

[pump whirs]

He'll go down for his first
nap around 7:00 in the morning,

and then I get geared
up to go out there.

But my body is disconnected.

I don't feel like myself.

[Thornton] That first
few weeks back to work,

for that mom who might be
separating from her child

for the very first time,

what space is made for her
to grieve even that loss?

[gentle music]

There's these
opposing forces of...

who you were before,

but then also new motherhood.

[Kimmy] Just feeling stressed.

[Chris] I don't know
how to cure your anxiety

if you won't tell me
what you want me to do.

I don't think there's
any way to cure this.

It's just a new reality.

A lot of women want to kind
of get back to their old body.

They feel attached to maybe
who they were in the past.

But estrogen, progesterone drop.

And estrogen is really important
for things like muscle mass,

strength, coordination.

[Birndorf] Those of us
who are perfectionistic

or type A's struggle the most,

because somehow you're
gonna get it right.

Like, you can do motherhood
like you did your job.

You're super competent at that,

and you're gonna do it
right here, too. Ehh!

Hard hit.

[Bellenbaum] This
experience comes with

an enormous amount of joy.

These moments that you
can't even describe.

Like, they're
full-body experiences.

[Koa coos]

There's also an enormous
amount of grieving.

I miss my sense of control,
I miss my flexibility,

I miss my spontaneity,
I miss me.

We can feel two completely
different feelings,

we can have two completely
different thoughts,

or ten, all at the same time.

[Kimmy] We've had to give up a
lot of what makes us who we are.

Personally, it's taken
so much away from me.

I'm dealing with a different
body. I'm not as strong.

I just don't trust that
if I wasn't breastfeeding,

it wouldn't even be an issue.

I don't know if I'm
willing to sacrifice that.

Like, I want to be out
there, but he comes first.

It's not making it easier
on our relationship.

I want you to be productive.

Then it's like, I
have a career, too.

So even if I pump
away from home,

I have to have a milk
supply when I get home.

It's like you just
don't understand.

I do understand.

I just feel like
I have to give up.

[sighing]

[Chris] I'm trying to
encourage her as much as I can,

trying to make sure Koa
is priority number one,

but at the same time,
we're paying to be here,

we have our filmer here, we
have a lot of responsibility,

and I need to
continue doing my job.

[camera person over
radio] Three, two, one...

Go back up and do it again.

[Chris] I know she
doesn't mean it

when she doesn't wanna
snowboard anymore.

I just can't read
what she really wants,

and I don't think she
knows what she wants.

And then we have a
whole new dynamic

with having a nanny here,

and the reality is is Kimmy's
had some really tough times

as a child with a caregiver,

and so she's been terrified
to leave Koa with anyone.

-[Koa crying]
-I love you so much.

I love you, I love
you, I love you.

Yeah. Sorry, Koa!

[Koa continues crying]

[Bridgette cooing]

[pensive music]

[Bolden] So much happens
that no one can see.

So many things are brought
up that you try to avoid.

Our children are our mirrors,

and so anything you
didn't deal with before,

you're gonna eventually have to
deal with it with your child.

[singing]

[man] Is that all?

[Kimmy] My family was
supposed to be my safe place,

but one specific
person was dangerous.

My first memory with him
was at a family gathering.

[Judy] I feel I have
to take advantage

of being able to do this while
somebody's watching Kimmy.

[Kimmy] He had me hold his
hand and walk down a hallway,

left the door cracked,

and I sat in his
lap and read a book.

But what was happening
wasn't reading.

He was molesting kids.

And it happened to me.

[young Kimmy giggling]

[Judy] Spent the whole
morning in the pool.

[Kimmy] It went on for at least
five years in different ways.

My mom would ask me if anything
had ever happened with him,

but I always said no.

♪

[Bellenbaum] Once
we become a mother,

we bring all of these ghosts
into the nursery with us.

Even if I make sense
of that experience

and heal from that experience,

that all comes rushing back in.

[Koa wailing]

I am incredibly afraid
that the same thing

is gonna happen to him or her.

It's nearly impossible.

[Birndorf] When we look at
women who have got money or fame

or beauty or whatever it is...

There's, like, three ounces
of milk in the fridge.

[Birndorf] ...it's sort of
natural to think, "Well,

they must have it all together."

But we're all fair game.

You can't buy your
way out of it.

[Kimmy] I was having such
deep levels of anxiety.

I was losing myself.

[Bolden] You can't
do your work well

if you're trying to
protect your child.

All day, you're not
trusting yourself,

you're not feeling supported.

So you're no longer
working off skill,

you're working off emotion.
That's always dangerous.

[tense music]

[Chris on phone]
How'd you break it?

[Kimmy] I hit a
tree with my hand.

I was doing a big
turn for a photo.

It's going to be okay,

but I have to go
home to get surgery.

So now this begins the
process of me and Koa

getting home with
my wrist broken.

[chuckling] What are you doing?

I was relieved.

[chuckling] Pulling my hair.

It bought me a
little bit of time.

It's also the second
anniversary of my mom's passing,

and so the irony of it
is pretty unbelievable.

When I hit the tree with my
hand and when that all happened,

it was basically the exact
time that she passed away.

So for some reason I got
a smack on the wrist.

[soft guitar music]

I always saw my mom as
somebody who could do it all.

She never made me feel like she
was stressed or overwhelmed.

Not having her...

I have nobody to talk to about
all this that I'm feeling.

When she was passing away,
she said, "Are you sure

you've asked me everything
you want to ask me?"

If I could give
her a list now...

♪

[Athan] When we lose
the elder mothers,

we lose that
transmission of wisdom.

We're in a capitalist,
individualistic culture.

It disperses us.

That's the problem with
motherhood in Western society.

It's too isolating.

Our family members
and our friends

are scattered far and wide.

In order for the mother
to give to her young,

she needs to be held too.

But who's holding the mother?

[music fades]

-[Chris] Hey, bubba.
-Want Dada?

Yeah. It's time for bed, huh?

Ooh, hi.

-What's your daddy doing?
-New garage.

Look, we're mounting skis.

That's a binding.

This is the cap
to the wood glue.

You like caps. This
is an Allen wrench.

Yeah, it's pretty neat.

We don't eat it. [chuckling]

[Kimmy] I got a call from
my team manager at Burton

for a spring photo shoot,
and it was gonna be

the most ambitious trip
that I had ever said yes to.

Chris was coming with me...

-[Chris] Nicely done.
-...to be with Koa.

That was gonna make me feel

so much more confident
in the mountains.

I wanted to try again.

But immediately, I felt like
I had made the wrong decision.

[wind whistling]

It's gonna be a bit
aggressive, I think.

We're in the Arctic.

-It's cold.
-And we have a baby.

-We like the cold.
-I was expecting to see,

like, a big old boat.

Hmm, not so much.

Hopefully we brought
enough clothes for him.

Did we bring enough
clothes for you?

The captain said, "We've
never had a 13-month-old

on the boat, but you're
welcome to bring him."

[wind howling]

Just wondering if we got a
little bit over our heads.

We maxed out the boat, so
every ounce of space is taken.

They're like, "Just
pack really light."

You can't do that with a baby.

-[Koa crying]
-[wind whistling]

Maybe I should just
get back on a flight.

Should I get back on a flight?

[wailing]

Should I send Chris
back on the flight?

[Koa screeches]

[Chris] The boat was
smaller than we expected.

We were in tight quarters,

[overlapping chatter]

...surrounded by
the Arctic Ocean

with a child that just
learned how to walk.

Plus, it's 24 hours of sunlight,

14 hours north of the
most north city in Norway.

What happened?

How are we gonna do this?

[seabirds squawking]

What do you see? Ice.

Yeah, it's potato. Turns
out you don't like potato.

I've tried to feed
it to you many times.

Do you like blueberries?

So excited. It looks really fun.

[Chris] You are
one hungry child.

What else can I feed you?

We're running out of
options here, kiddo.

Have you given him a pouch?

There's lots of pouches.
There's oatmeal.

This guy.

Doesn't know what
to feed our child.

-[Chris blowing raspberry]
-[Koa cooing]

One of the first lines
while we're in Norway...

Let me just set the stage.

I remember hiking this line.

It was first thing
in the morning,

and I had to go to the bathroom.

We get to this
little safety spot,

and I tell the crew, "I'll
meet you guys at the top."

What they didn't know is that
I had already shit my pants.

Not a contained shit.

It was down my leggings.

It was... a mess.

And all I could
keep thinking was,

"I still have to fucking make
it to the top, ride back down,

"somehow clean my pants," because
I only have one pair of pants.

So I'm, like, using baby wipes.

I'm, like, cleaning
this stuff out.

I'm trying to cover
it up in snow.

They're like, "You good?"

I'm so good.

[Chris] What's your funny story?

I cannot put it on camera.

I have to tell you
something so gnarly.

-Babe.
-[Chris] Mid-mountain deuce.

-[laughing]
-It was awesome.

I'm proud. I was proud of Kimmy.

We don't talk about anything
that goes on down there.

Leaking, pooping, bowel
function, prolapse.

All these things are not sexy.

But they're common, and we
need to be more compassionate

and patient with ourselves
when it comes to healing.

[interviewer] It can
only go up from there.

No, it only goes down.

["Different Today" by
Yeah Yeah Yeahs playing]

♪ Oh, how the world
keeps on spinning ♪

♪ It goes spinning
out of control ♪

♪ How the world
keeps on spinning ♪

♪ It goes spinning
out of control ♪

♪ How the world
keeps on spinning ♪

♪ It goes spinning
out of control ♪

♪ How the world
keeps on spinning ♪

♪ It goes spinning, yeah ♪

[Kimmy] Oh, my gosh.
Look at that fresh bread.

Koa, you pop that open
for me, little buster?

[overlapping chatter]

[Chris] Come here, dude.

-[Koa cooing]
-Yeah.

We had a really cozy bed
for him in the bathroom,

and he slept, like, 12 hours.

You must just feel like he's
still in the belly or something.

The swaying and the
rocking of the boat.

This is the first time in his
whole life that he had slept

through the night
and slept that long.

I think we're gonna be okay.

[Chris] Mom doesn't
know I'm sneaking out.

We have some code words.

Gary needs an ice cream.

[Dean] Gary needs an ice cream.

♪

-[Koa exclaiming]
-[chuckling]

[Kimmy] Not having any
connection to the outside world,

it just makes it
really easy to be here.

I have a journal that
I've sat down out here

to start writing in
it, and my pen died.

And I was like, "Okay. I guess
it's just time to just chill."

[Birndorf] Working
jobs and having kids,

there is a feeling
like, "I'm trying to do

both these things at the same
time, and I'm failing at both."

But I just think it's
a setup and a trap.

You can't do everything well.

Time is finite.

If you've only got an hour with
your kid every day, be there.

Where's the tiger?

-There.
-Those are penguins.

[Birndorf] People think that
happiness is a destination,

but joy, happiness, those
are moments of time.

-[laughing]
-[Koa cooing]

♪ It goes spinning, yeah ♪

♪

[giggling]

[Chris] That was probably
the closest we'll ever get

to the old adage that
"It takes a village."

Here she goes!

Hello, my little love.

You were saying "Mom"
the whole way down,

and she gets here, and
you don't get excited?

-Hey, monkey!
-"Hi, Mama!"

-[shutter clicking]
-[man] Flat light, you know.

[Koa crying]

[all laughing]

Mama's boy.

That's what I need. I
just need more of that.

Just had to take
coming to the Arctic.

[chuckling]

As soon as I got service,

I had this overwhelming
amount of messages.

There was a huge
conversation happening

about how protections for
maternity were changing.

[pensive music]

Alysia Montaño wrote an
op-ed about an inequality

in pregnancy with track
and field athletes.

In response, Donna came
forward that she was changing

all women's contracts at Burton
to include maternity care.

[Donna] I was so
grateful to Kimmy.

She forced us to
confront this issue.

You cannot underestimate
the power of a role model.

A young woman has to see
herself, and the next generation

is going to have the
example of Kimmy Fasani.

[Chris] "This has been the
biggest year of learning"

"and adapting and slowing
down in my life," Mama says.

You got water on Mama's story.

-[Koa babbling]
-Oops.

[Kimmy] My intention was
never to be a pioneer.

We're gonna go snowboarding!

-[Koa babbling] No!
-[Kimmy] You don't want to?

We're gonna go meet all
the other little kids.

You wanna go meet
all the little kids?

[Koa crying]

-I promise you'll have fun...
-[Koa screaming]

Wait, hold on.

[Koa wailing]

We're almost there.

[Koa crying]

All of a sudden, I'm changing
women's snowboarding.

Everybody thinks
I'm doing it all.

[Koa crying]

But in the real world...

[Koa crying]

Do you wanna help
make this stop?

Every day is a challenge.

I'm not superwoman.

[sighs]

[Athan] The biggest healing
that was given to adolescents

was to tell them, "You
can become anything"

you want when you grow up.

For mothers, we've been
given a close-ended process.

You need to become this mother.

[Bellenbaum] No human can live
up to this procured expectation

that society has
formulated for us.

And so what ends up happening is
we feel so bad about ourselves.

"Should I be doing
this? Who am I?

Is it okay that
I'm this person?"

We lose our core.

[Thornton] Your definition
of yourself starts to change.

Your perspective starts
to shift, and many people

don't understand how
encompassing it can be.

[Athan] We usually
silence around things

that are complicated,
uncomfortable.

And silencing around
motherhood is very commonplace,

because what you want to
talk about is the hard stuff.

But if you were to speak up...

we might wonder if you're okay.

Look, that's a nine.

That's a nine.

I'll ski for a little bit, and
then I'll fly out to Denver.

Yeah, I have an art
show on the 28th.

[man] Do you think you'll
be able to fit all that in?

[Chris] Yeah, we can
make anything work,

but it's a completely
separate job,

-and it's so much work for me.
-One, two, three.

[man] Well, we need
to find some time...

Green light.

Run, run, run, run, run!

Now that Koa was a
little more independent,

there was a little bit
more freedom for me.

I had an opportunity to be on
a couple trips that winter,

and one of them
was back in Alaska.

And I was looking
forward to that.

You wanna go back to Daddy?

[Chris] At the same
time, I was presented

with the biggest project
of my career by far,

and I had to jump on it.

[shutter clicking]

This is all just, like,
coming at me full speed,

and so I'm just trying to
make everything happen.

[man, over phone] The project
keeps growing, and growing

-and growing. Yeah.
-Yes, exactly.

"Generally, how it works,
is when the sun is out,

it's daytime, and we do stuff.

The rest of the time is night."

Chris has so many
moving parts right now.

I just feel like he's
stretched really thin.

Chris was planning a film,

and it was taking
him across the world.

I would never want to be the one
that says, "You cannot do this."

I get it, but we were
not on the same path.

[Koa, crying] Yeah.

[Kimmy] I was being
put in the position of,

"This is what you do."

-Let me get your water.
-Water!

Mama has a sore throat, so
she doesn't want you to drink

out of my water, but
you can have this.

[crying]

Soup!

-You want soup right now?
-Yeah.

-Do you want tea instead?
-Yeah.

-[Kimmy] You want some tea?
-Soup. Soup.

-I'm sorry.
-[Kimmy] You're saying sorry?

-No!
-No?

Months went by.

[Koa giggling]

[Kimmy] I was just waiting.

[Koa babbling]

-You want to read it now?
-No.

Okay, I'll hold that.

-No, Mama.
-Do you want me to move?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

But there was so much joy,
because I was home with Koa...

Woo! Wow!

...and it felt
isolating, and lonely.

Your hands are cold. We should
probably go in soon, okay?

Confusing, really.

[Chris, over phone] So I
made it here pretty quick.

[Kimmy] I wanted that freedom,

that freedom that
I saw Chris have.

I was envious of his freedom.

[soft guitar music]

[Thornton] Women and mothers
carry a much higher mental load.

Even couples who have
the best intentions

on splitting things equally
slip into these same patterns.

Society just puts a lot
more parental expectation

on women and mothers.

[Athan] The self-sacrificing
mother is a trope

that is also problematic.

You're supposed to do
it in a masochistic way,

and enjoy it the whole time.

It's actually a grief process.

That time of me,
mine, I, that's done.

I need to start making moves.

Watch a movie.

No, you're not watching a movie.

[screaming] Watch a movie!

-That's not a very nice voice.
-[man on phone] Hello?

Mama's trying to work, too.

Would you like an apple?

-Please.
-Thank you, Koa.

Can I have a big kiss?
That was so sweet.

[giggling]

[Kimmy] I see
Chris just nonstop,

moving, going,
always saying yes.

[Chris laughing]

[Chris] It frustrates
her that I can't say no.

What she doesn't understand

is how much I
actually do say no to.

I have to head out of town, so
I don't have all day, but...

She wants me to throw my
phone out the window, but...

This is me...

Through this whole process,

I wanted it to be an
experiential thing.

...and it's always been me.

[Bolden] The first three
years of having a child

is the hardest on any couple.

You're in a stressful
time like no other.

[Zhang] What should happen is
that stress gets processed.

It gets moved.

In the wild, animals
shake their bodies.

They move.

But if you don't do that,
it's more of like a shutdown.

You're just dissociated
as a way to cope.

For many women, postpartum
depression is the thing

that they're not realizing
that they're experiencing.

♪

I wouldn't be who I
am without what I do.

You know, I... I don't just
snowboard because it's cool.

I snowboard because
it's what I love.

It's also the thing that helps
me deal with hard moments.

So, going to Alaska
is something that...

the last time I was there
was when my mom died,

and it was so healing.

♪

[Koa babbling]

[Chris] Hi!

-Dada.
-Muah!

Here's where Dada was.

I flew all the way right
here, and you live right here.

See how far I traveled?

[Kimmy] It's really hard
to find the balance between

two people that are super
passionate about what they do.

Or if one person really does
have to give all of that up.

If you had any suggestions

on how you want to see
February line up, or...

and I know you can't
create plans. That's...

[Chris] Well, what are we
working towards, like...?

[Kimmy] I'm just trying
to see... Okay, so...

And it's just asking
ourselves, are we happy?

I'm just trying to make a
plan so that I have an answer.

Anything I say isn't what
you want to hear, so...

-[Kimmy] You're such a jerk.
-How am I such a jerk?

I'm playing devil's advocate.

It always blows up
into everything,

you know, like, our whole...

life together.

We throw the word around...

the divorce word,

and I'm dealing with
so much of my own,

and becoming a father.

Everything feels...

Is it yummy?

...personal.

[Kimmy] How hard are
we willing to push...

in our own directions?

And what's going to break first?

[smart system voice] Pardon?

Delete Chris's phone.

-[smart system voice] Pardon?
-Whatever. Just leave it.

-Chris's phone.
-[smart system voice] Pardon?

[Koa babbling]

[Kimmy] I needed to
be back on my board,

so that I could be
a better mother.

I was going to
take Koa on a trip,

and I leaned into
having a nanny.

That was my option.

And yet, I still doubted
that my child would be okay

-in somebody else's care.
-[Koa giggling]

[wind whooshing]

I left Koa and our nanny, so
that I could film with the crew.

As soon as I walked
back into the room,

Koa is really pale,
and pretty lethargic.

I take him in to a clinic.

The nurse is like,

"If he doesn't pee by
the end of the night,

take him to the emergency room."

He doesn't pee.

And I get to the emergency room,

and a woman looks at me
blank in the face and says,

"We have to get your child
out of here immediately.

He is extremely sick."

Mama. Mama.

Mama.

-[Kimmy] It's okay.
-Mama, no.

-Mama.
-[Kimmy] Koa has kidney failure.

[somber music]

Chris jumped on the
first flight he could,

and they started
dialysis on Koa,

just hoping that his body
would go into self-rescue.

[Chris] It felt like we were
going to lose our child.

[Koa coughing]

[Chris] I just detached
from anything else.

[Kimmy] All the
busyness stopped.

We never meant to
jeopardize him.

To think that I'm trying
to go snowboarding,

and my kid almost dies.

I would've never
forgiven myself.

[nurse] Come on,
keep holding it.

[Chris] It was a reminder to
what is important in life.

-That goes right there.
-That does go right there.

[Kimmy] It was three weeks

that we were in the
hospital with Koa,

and we got really lucky.

The dialysis worked.

They feel like it was
a link to bacteria

like E. coli, or salmonella.

And Koa was able to recover.

[Chris] How about this?

Koa.

[Kimmy] Whoa!

Oh, man, how many do you see?

Oh, that was a good one.

-One, two, three.
-[Chris] Pop, pop, pop.

-[Chris] I'm gonna get ya!
-[Koa screaming]

[Chris] I'm gonna get ya!

[all laughing]

[Chris growling]

-Did we get him?
-Yeah.

-Did he get you?
-Yeah.

-Should we go hide?
-Boo!

-Can you say boo?
-Boo.

Boo!

[Chris imitating an
engine thrumming]

[Bellenbaum]
Motherhood is so rife

with "shoulds" and
"supposed tos".

Convincing ourselves
that we should

and are supposed to be showing
up in all these different ways.

Where's Mama and Dada going?

Working.

-We're going to go working?
-Yeah.

Where are we going? Is
it a place called Alaska?

Alaska.

I'll see you in Reno.

Drive safe. I love you so much.

[Bellenbaum] But a lot of
the pressures that we feel,

we do put on our self.

Watermelon, obviously.
He'll be psyched.

It was already hard
enough for me to leave,

but it was the
end of the season.

So, I really wanted
to try one last time,

and at that time, it wasn't
safe for Koa to travel.

Just stay up on hand-washing,

with this whole
coronavirus thing.

[woman] Mammoth is closed
until further notice.

[Kimmy] They just closed
the Canada border, too.

[woman] It's crazy,
crazy in town, but...

Yeah.

It's a long way home.

I have to trust her.

-I do trust her.
-If you feel 100%.

Of course, I can't
say I feel 100%.

I'm trying to let go of it,

because there's
nothing I can do.

I need to do my job. I
keep bailing on my job.

And I have to be here.
I want to be here.

I want you to be here.

That's why I'm trying
to figure it out myself,

of getting out of here.

[Kimmy] I'm very grateful
that Chris is going home.

Dada.

And I am choosing
to stay in Alaska.

It's a tug-of-war
with your heart.

Oh!

[Chris] Zoom!

The general consensus
within our group

is that everyone's gonna stay.

I feel like I'm being pulled,

but I can't tell which
way I'm being pulled.

I love you.

[Koa] I love you, too.

[Kimmy] You're supposed
to leave that side of you

when you show up
in the mountains.

[majestic music]

Selfishly, I want to be here,
and I want to snowboard.

The other selfish part of
me really wants to be home,

in Mammoth, with
my son, and Chris.

And if we're all together,

it's like, that's
all that matters.

[Birndorf] There's a
multiple-lane highway

in your head, the minute
you become a parent.

You have to find a
way to make peace

with what your choices are.

And that sounds a hell of
a lot easier than it is.

[Chris, on phone] I don't
think you'll get stuck forever.

I know. And that's what's hard.

It's like, I don't want to
be sitting here, selfish.

It's almost like
forcing that choice

of family first,

which, obviously, is first.

[somber music]

[sighs heavily]

I'm home, and we're
gonna be on lockdown.

There's a stay-at-home
ordinance happening

in Mammoth, for a while.

They're saying, like, confine,
isolate yourself for two weeks.

So we'll have a lot of family
time between now and then.

[Kimmy] Can I take
a photo of you?

[Koa] Can't do it.

I think you just did it.

-Can you show me again?
-I don't know.

Can you slip into your bindings?

Can we try to get
your straps on?

Yeah.

Hi, buddy.

[gentle music]

-[Koa] Yeah!
-Oh, stomp it.

Yeah.

[Chris] Oh!

Four-week old.

Trying to go take a couple runs.

It's still proving to be
quite the balancing act.

I'm gonna have my snorkel on.

It used to always be
about, like, first chair.

Now it's just, can I
get out of the house?

Can I get out of the house?

[Chris] Do you think you
can get out of the house?

[Kimmy] There was a
rekindling with Chris and I.

-There was a healing.
-[both laughing]

We were spending the most time
we had ever spent together.

Hey, Mommy, yeah.

[Chris] We found peace and joy,

and all these wonderful
things happened.

♪

[Koa] Puzzles.

I'm gonna do a puzzle.

Can you give
Zeppelin a big kiss?

Mm!

Can you just give
him a nose snuggy?

[Koa giggles] Snuggles.

[Kimmy] We didn't have
plans on the horizon.

We got 13, five.

[Kimmy] It felt so right.

Powder day.

10:30.

Babies, they know when
their mom leaves the house.

So, I wouldn't be surprised
if I get a call soon.

But at least I know
this time around.

Now it's just more cherished
to be able to get one run.

One run feels like a million.

[gentle music]

[Athan] Matrescence, while the
starting point might be clear,

the end point isn't clear.

It happens again, and
again, with every child.

It may last a lifetime.

[laughing]

[Athan] And so we bring in
the image of the spiral,

meaning we might return
to the same ground,

but on a different level.

[Kimmy] It's almost like
we're back in the same place,

but totally different people.

If we learned all of
that in three years,

what are we going to learn now?

[Chris] Mom, look out!

-Snow ball attack!
-[Kimmy] Oh, no!

Oh, no!

They've identified
this blanket term

of inflammatory breast cancer,
but now they're gonna...

see what hormones attach to it,

and then that's going to
identify the exact type.

-[Chris] Mm-hmm.
-[Kimmy sighs]

It's just not what we were...
set up for this season.

It was small,

right on the edge of my chest,

and I associated the
lump in my breast

to clogged milk ducts.

It never even crossed my mind.

[pump whirring]

I remember doing a self-check,

feeling that lump,

and then moving into my
armpit, and stopping.

There was a pea-sized,
rock-hard nodule.

[slow, acoustic
guitar instrumental]

That was Saturday.

Monday at 9 a.m., I saw
a breast specialist.

The doctor said, "You have
inflammatory breast cancer.

Stop breastfeeding immediately."

[babbling]

[Kimmy] This type of cancer
is really aggressive.

[Chris] You like that? Mm!

[Kimmy] You're gonna have to be
in chemo as fast as possible.

All I wanted was a pause button.

A silver car!

-Red car! Red car!
-Red... nice one.

[Koa] Silver car! Silver truck!

♪

You already can't handle

the amount of shit
you have to do,

so why not add on that
you have to move again?

Not using that this year.

[clattering]

[Chris] She did all
of the right things.

She's healthy, she
takes care of her body.

I wish it were me in her place.

She's given my life
value and purpose.

Yeah, Koa asked specifically
that we bring those.

[laughs]

[Chris] I would be devastated
to lose my partner.

Can you tell me what's wrong?

I just don't want
her to be gone.

[Chris] But I just
wish nothing more than

that our children
get their mother.

This was actually a bag
of pens that my mom had.

For some reason, she
had, like, a million.

So any time I need a new pen,

I just come down,
and see what she had.

But I haven't even had time
to go through and, like...

separate myself from her life.

Now I'm trying to separate
myself from my own life.

When my mom was diagnosed,
she knew all the facts.

I mean, only 2.4% of breast
cancers are inflammatory.

This is not something that I
see even once a year. This is...

[Kimmy] She had witnessed enough
people going through chemo...

and she knew what
she was going to do.

I watched my mom
go through this.

I watched my dad
go through this.

And it's just so hard to
imagine that I'm doing this now.

It makes me sad.

It makes me sad for my boys.

[doctor] So what I can do
is put you on Wednesday,

which is December 1st,
does that work for you?

Um, Wednesday.

[doctor] Would you be
able to come to our...

My mom told me that she was
taking the end-of-life drugs...

and my whole world
just collapsed.

I packed my bags...

drove through a blizzard...

and it was once
again just her and I.

Embarking on this
journey of end-of-life.

-It's go time.
-[Chris] Yeah, farewell.

[Kimmy] It's gonna
be a lot lighter.

[laughing]

Don't get 'em mixed
up with the good hair.

-[woman laughing]
-Oh!

-Whoa!
-[laughing]

You do look wonderful.

[Kimmy] Did you know
that every living thing

is made up of tiny
little guys called cells?

They make hearts
pump, lungs breathe.

[Zepplin laughing]

[Chris] He's coming
to the cancer party!

He's coming to the cancer party!

But every once in a while,

one of the cells
forgets what its job is.

And since it doesn't
know what else to do,

it decides to have a...

-[Zepplin babbling]
-...party!

Before long, it's a big party.

[waves crashing]

[gentle, somber music]

[nurse] Okay, so I'm going to
spray you a lot today, Kimmy.

And then going forward, if
you don't wanna watch...

["Bad Kingdom" by May
The Muse and Robot Koch]

♪ Here it ends ♪

♪ No one's gonna shed a tear ♪

♪ No need to shout ♪

♪ Just to stand the silence ♪

[Kimmy] That's where the
medicine went into Mama.

Isn't that cool?

Do you have a hole there now?

Yeah, see?

♪ Well spent time ♪

♪ In the early morning's haze ♪

♪ You sit and wait ♪

♪ Watching full glasses
through blank eyes ♪

♪ This is not what you wanted ♪

We have to go get Mommy on the
airplane before she's late.

How do we shut the
cancer party down? How?

Well, I have to keep
going to the doctor.

♪ This is not what you wanted ♪

-[sobbing]
-It's okay.

I just got out of
the shower, and...

I'm losing my hair.

[Chris] How are you feeling?

-[Kimmy] Okay.
-[Zepplin grunting]

You want what?

You're trying to get
Koa's spoon, I know.

[Zepplin crying]

What? Okay. Oh look,
he's sharing. Oh, thanks.

He'll give it back soon.

[Athan] Parenting in the best
of times, it's a challenge.

There's just not a lot of
room for things to go wrong.

[Thornton] Sometimes
you're just like,

I'm just gonna go through
the day and try to survive.

[Koa] Mommy!

[Bolden] But then, that
emotional connection to a child

is life-sustaining.

Your hair is so prickly.

[Bellenbaum] Your
bandwidth is stretched.

Real motherhood is all of the
feelings, all of the thoughts.

♪ This is not what you wanted ♪

We're washing all this 'cause
Zeppy's sick, so we're gonna...

Mommy can't get sick,
so this is a big deal.

-Ask me to do stuff.
-How... How would I ask you?

What do you mean, you
don't know how to ask me?

Mom, I thought we were
going to that market.

Yeah, I would love to.
I'm just stressed out.

-I don't know.
-[Zepplin screaming]

This is not a hard issue.

Excuse me? I want that, too!

-[Zepplin sobbing]
-Nobody wants to help me.

When I ask for some help...

-This is torture.
-[Koa screaming joyfully]

-Just fucking take me.
-[boys screaming joyfully]

Mommy! Mommy!

[Kimmy shouting in pain]

Hey, Mom, just...

I'm just wanting
you to hold my feet.

I understand, honey,
it just really hurts

when you kick my tummy.

♪

[utensils clattering]

♪

[music slows down]

Ah!

[Zepplin babbling]

Do you want to help
me make some food?

-No.
-No.

[Koa giggling]

Leg rest.

[giggling]

Do you think I should
climb up that tree?

I mean, do you want to?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

[Kimmy] During those
last days with my mom,

neither of us could sleep well.

So, we would go
watch the sun rise.

We would talk, we
would share stories.

Isn't that cool?

It was like being a kid again.

We had no schedule.

All we knew is that we
wanted to be together.

And I asked my mom,

"How am I gonna know when
you come back to visit me?"

She's like, "Oh, honey, I'm
gonna be ringing bells so loud."

So cool!

And then, it was just time.

[solemn acoustic
guitar instrumental]

On the morning my mom
died, she was meditating.

She did not want to die in pain.

She wanted to die
on a joyous night...

Whoa!

[Kimmy] ...after
watching X Games.

With her closest friends
and family around.

Oh, he's taking the stuff.

[Kimmy] She wasn't scared.

Yeah! Whoa!

[Kimmy] She was ready.

I was not ready.

[Young Kimmy in
video] Come on, Mommy.

[Judy] Okay, I gotta
get my skates on still.

I just want to take your
picture a little bit.

[Kimmy] I remember holding her
wrist, and feeling her pulse.

If I said, "I love you,"

her pulse would get stronger.

And I said, "It's
okay to let go."

It would get fainter.

Thank you, Mom.

[Judy] You're welcome.

[Kimmy] And I felt
like I was in this...

synchronicity with her.

[somber music]

And she let go.

[Athan] The mother,

though in body she
may not be here...

she is very much internalized,

and we're talking to
her the whole time.

We will live on in our own
children in the same way.

With each generation, I
consider it a baton pass.

Not like, "Here, you take it,"

but more like, "This
is as far as I can get.

Now you take it a
little bit further."

[soft instrumental]

♪

[Judy] Pure joy...

is pure observation.

Pure joy...

is mindful balance.

He doesn't mind. [laughs]

[Judy] Pure joy is
total acceptance.

♪

Pure joy is peaceful
completeness.

♪

Pure joy is loving kindness.

Pure joy is right
here, right now.

Cheers.

[giggling]

♪

Balance on one foot.

[giggling]

♪

[gong dinging]

[cheering, applause]

♪

[Judy] Such a beautiful day.

Yeah!

[Koa laughing]

[Judy] The sun's coming up.

The world's turning
pretty quickly.

♪

[Kimmy] We're surfing.

Do you see your Daddy?

[Kimmy] Most people
thought I was crazy

when I said I was going back to
a competitive snowboard event.

I'd just finished
treatment, but...

I wanted to feel like myself.

[Chris] What's your
favorite thing about Mommy?

-Cuddling!
-Cuddling!

[giggling]

[Chris] How about you?

Do you want to say,
"I love my Mommy?"

Ta-da!

[Chris] There you go.

I love you guys.

I miss you.

[Chris] We love you, dear.

[Kimmy] I'm still not sold that

I am capable of being a
pro snowboarder and a mom.

But I believe we can do...

more than we think we can.

-Good morning.
-Morning.

[man] Hey.

[Kimmy] Regardless of
when I leave my kids,

I feel uncomfortable.

But it's a feeling I've
learned how to sit with.

And I want my kids to
bear witness to passion.

I want them to be able
to ground themselves

in whatever makes them happy.

[hum of excited chatter]

-[woman] Right here?
-[woman 2] I think so.

[director] Ready, full.

Take full.

Welcome to the 2023
Natural Selection Tour.

And we got 12 of the
world's best snowboarders

that are going to
take to this course.

[announcer] Incredible!

Alaska is always that place

that really puts
riders to the test,

both mentally and physically.

[hopeful music]

[Athan] When I
was being trained,

I was very interested in
women who survived cancers.

If you survive a
death-defying experience,

you're confronted
with your mortality.

And you start to have
a real reorientation,

a real mind change.

♪

[announcer] Kimmy
Fasani up next,

a household name
in snowboarding.

And this incredibly
talented rider

is beginning a new
chapter in her career.

[announcer 2] Moms don't get
the credit that they deserve.

[announcer] Talk about
real-world inspiration.

[announcer 3] I spoke with
Kimmy before, and she was

asking herself, "Am I ready?"

Am I physically ready
to get back at this?

And her ultimate thought was,
are we ever really ready?

[Athan] We were curious whether
that change would happen

with not only
death-defying experiences,

but life-affirming experiences.

Like having children.

Whether that's through adoption,
surrogacy, step-parenting,

a child can come into our
life in many different ways.

And when I started
talking to parents,

I heard the same story of
this both-and experience,

tension of the opposites,

the deep grief,

the loss of the previous
life as they knew it.

But also, this transformation.

They were getting
deeper, and wider,

and better as humans.

We gotta cheer
her on. It's live.

Here goes Mama.

[joyful music]

I don't think I'll be the
best version of myself

until the day I die.

♪

[announcer] Look at that angle.

Oh, my gosh, that is so gnarly.

[announcer 3] Kimmy Fasani,
in her element right now.

[announcer] Whoa, that
was absolutely massive.

[Athan] This process of
giving the self over...

to symbolic death and rebirth,

is the adventure. It's heroic.

♪

[announcer] It's one of the
most incredible comebacks

in snowboarding history.

[Kimmy] Oh, my God,
that was so fun!

Holy shit.

I mean, sugar.

[sighs]

-[children laughing distantly]
-[Chris] Ha! Got it! Ha! Ha!

[Kimmy] Here, get me! Get me!

[Chris] Yeah, that might even...

-[giggling]
-Aah! Get it!

[Chris] Oh! Oh, no!

-I got it!
-Slam! Great, kiddo!

[wind chimes
ringing melodically]

[all laughing]

[wind chimes grow louder]

["Butterfly" by
Lily Meola plays]

♪ All of the time that
we took for granted ♪

♪ Thinking tomorrow's
just another day ♪

♪ Sun on your face
with the windows open ♪

♪ I never got the
chance to say ♪

♪ I know your wings
are getting heavy ♪

♪ You can let go
when you're ready ♪

♪ To fly ♪

♪ Fly ♪

♪ I know we'll meet between
heaven and the sky ♪

♪ I... ♪

♪ I'll try ♪

♪ I'm gonna try to find
the good after goodbye ♪

♪ Butterfly ♪

♪ You come down to visit
your favorite flower ♪

♪ Catching the wind
in the light of day ♪

♪ You keep sending me
bittersweet reminders ♪

♪ Signs you're never
really far away ♪

♪ You know I will
always need you ♪

♪ I feel better when I see you ♪

♪ Fly ♪

♪ Fly ♪

♪ I know we'll meet between
heaven and the sky ♪

♪ I... ♪

♪ I'll try ♪

♪ I'm gonna try to find
the good after goodbye ♪

♪ Butterfly ♪

♪ Butterfly ♪

♪ Fly ♪

♪ 'Til next time ♪

♪ Butterfly ♪

♪ Butterfly ♪

♪ Fly ♪

♪ 'Til next time ♪

♪ Butterfly ♪