All language subtitles for the_other_two_s3e08

What a loser. I hate Chase Dreams. He
sucks.

Loser, loser. Chase Dreams sucks.
Asshole loser sucks.

And that's just one comment.

I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.

I mean, it's not all my fault. It's just
everyone still thinks I'm this bad man,

and I'm not. Yeah. You know, and it's
giving me anxiety.

Hold on.

You have anxiety?

Yeah, and it's making me depressed.

Wait. You have anxiety and depression?

I mean, I guess so. Oh, my God.

I have a client struggling with mental
health.

Chase, you beautiful boy, do you know
what this means?

There's money in singing, but if we can
make you the face of mental health, my

God. Julie, no, this is disgusting.

Why? He has anxiety.

He said it himself.

I thought you'd be on board with this.
He could do a lot of good.

Oh.

Yeah? I mean, he does have anxiety, so
it's not a lie.

And having him talk about mental health
could empower others so I could do what

I wanted all along.

Good!

I could finally do good. Well, don't
just do the thing I did. Okay, sorry,

does this help me? I just want to stop
looking bad and go back to being me.

First things first, we'll set you up
with a therapist.

Okay. App.

A therapist app.

Hi, I'm pop singer Chase Dreams.

I used to be bad and want to punch my
mom, but then I went to therapy and now

I'm all better because therapy works,
which is why I've partnered with Better

Health to give away $1 million in free
therapy to you because we all struggle

sometimes, including me, the new face of
mental health, Chase Dreams.

And then we're going to go shopping on
Main Street and walk through that little

park with the ducks. Do you remember
that park, Carrie?

And then we're going to go back to
Lisa's and order dinner from El Pancho

Taqueria. I can't wait.

I think you might be the first person
ever to be excited to go to Ohio.

Well, I am.

Things have been so crazy here.

I just want a simple weekend back home.

Reconnect with the old me.

Are you sure you don't want to come?

It is your high school reunion tonight.

Yeah, no, I am absolutely not going to
that.

I don't know. I thought I was going to
be more successful by now. Like, if I'm

going to go, I need to make sure I fully
win.

Sorry, aren't you so successful?

What about Night Nurse and Emily
Overruled and the Disney movie and now

Weaver? I mean, that show's a hit,
Carrie.

It's number one on Netflix after that
show where the puppies run the errands.

What else are you looking for?

Yeah, I know it's a hit, but I still
don't know if they're going to do more

seasons, so it's not like I have job
security. And even if they do, my

doesn't talk.

And it's just a dumb wizard show. It's
not, like, important or... Oh, sorry,

Terry. My copter's here, and I got to
get to my plane ASAP because all the

stores on Main Street close at 3 .15.

Oh, that's my agent. She wants me to
give her a call. Okay, well, have fun.

no one I said hi.

Terry.

Terry! Hey, Mackenzie.

Guess what?

Or wait, can you hear me over the sound
of the ocean? I'm back in the Hamptons.

Again? Uh, yes. Yeah, I can hear you.
Great, because I have incredible news.

Netflix just picked up Wind Weaver for
three more seasons.

Wait, what?

Yeah, I mean, it makes sense. It's the
biggest show Netflix has that doesn't

involve puppies running errands. Oh, and
get this. They want to make you a

series regular.

A series regular?

Wait, it's...

How? Why?

Well, you know how Wind Weaver is based
on those books? Apparently, the fifth

book is being published Friday, and in
that book, it's revealed that your

character, the little surf elf with no
lines, is actually the one who weaves

wind. What?

Holy fucking shit. My character is the
Wind Weaver?

I'm the Wind Weaver? It's insane, right?

Apparently, the books end up being all
about how the least of us hold the most

power.

gay elf ends up being the wind weaver oh
did i mention your character's gay too

so it's also important yeah and this
will all be on deadline in like an hour

this is comically everything i ever
wanted i guess i guess i should go to my

reunion shit okay it starts in six hours
eight hour drive i'm gonna have to race

mckenzie find me a rental car upstate
that that is not my job okay hi everyone

hello hi I just want to say thank you so
much for doing this. As you all know,

Chase, and by extension me, are all
about doing good now, and more

all about mental health, which is why I
am so proud to be producing this

telethon, 4P, which aims to raise $250
million for mental health awareness.

Clap for me.

Anyway... I know that we're going live
in a few, but I need this to go well. So

if you have a prob, just let me or one
of my co -EPs know. But remember, this

was my idea, not theirs.

Also,

this is Effie, our COVID officer, here
to make sure that you are all physically

safe while working.

And this is Jules, our mental health
officer, who is here to make sure that

are all emotionally safe.

Okay. I think I have...

All my base is covered, so let's go
raise some insane money!

Oh, please don't say insane.

Oh, sorry. Thank you, Jules.

Welcome to Chase Dreams and Better
Health present A Night of Undeniable

eight -hour event raising money for
mental health awareness, featuring

performances from singers who get
anxious sometimes, like Lady Gaga, Ben

and the cast of Hamilton Still.

Plus, a teen mental health town hall led
by Dr. Gregory Neal. And a powerful

speech from Parkland Survivor. Insert
name of Parkland Survivor we can get.

Now, here's your host, Chase Dream.

Hello, good evening. Thank you for
joining me. As you know, mental health

something I've cared deeply about for
five weeks.

Hi, I'm sorry. You know the therapist
doing the town hall?

Apparently he's been sexually harassing
the crew.

Wait, what?

Oh, Lisa, it's so nice to be back.

Everything is just as I remembered.

And don't you just love these jackets?
Jenny's jeans really does have the best

stuff. I know. I love all the buttons
and the studs. And only $9.

I mean, you really don't need to spend
more than $9 on a jacket. There's no

reason. Nope.

Oh, and this pond is just as I
remembered, too.

And I bet these are even the same duck.

You want to feed him? We could get bread
at Benny's Bread.

It's right on Main Street next to
Jenny's Jeep.

Oh, I'd love to.

You know, it's really too bad that
Carrie decided not to come. Okay, if I

going 90, I should be able to make it
for at least the last hour.

Oh, my God. Thank you. Thank you. That's
so nice.

Yeah, I was already planning on coming.
And then the news came out. And then the

news came out. Oh, my God. Thank you.
Oh, that's so nice. Thank you so much.

Yes, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you so much.

Ow. I was already planning on coming.
Stop. The news came out. Thank you so

much. Oh, my God.

Whoa. I did?

I don't even remember that.

What the heck?

Hi, um, you've been throwing piss on me
for like the last hour. Oh, wait, are

you the wind weaver? Oh, yeah, I am,
yeah, thank you. And let me guess, now

you're racing home to win your reunion.

How'd you know that?

Because I just found out I'm going to be
Kamala Harris' new chief of staff, so

I'm racing home to win mine. Oh.

And here, I recommend a diaper.

So you can make it in time, but still
show respect for other gays on the road

racing home to their reunion.

Oh, is it more than just the two of us?

Oh, yeah, there's one in front of me.

Okay, so obviously I can't have a sexual
predator on my night of undeniable

good. No, of course not. I also can't
lose my mental health therapist because

he's here to do the good.

Right. Was he grabbing girl or guy
butts?

Because if it's guys, I mean... No, I
don't know what you mean.

I think Melanie and Streeter and I have
got this. But thanks for letting us

know, girl. Love ya. Thank you so much.
Yeah, love you. Love you. Okay.

How about we just ask these women not to
say anything?

You know? Just stay silent.

We'll not stay silent. That's not what
I'm saying. It's just, you know, maybe

these women were flirting with him.
Maybe they were asking for... Not asking

for... Oh, my God.

Everything people say that gets them in
trouble, I'm actually saying. It's

crazy. Your brain really does go there.
Please, don't say crazy.

Jesus. Yes.

Thank you, Jules. Wait, I know a Bravo
therapist who might be able to fill in,

but a heads up, most of his advice to
the teens in crisis will be to just let

Bethany be Bethany. Fine, whatever. If
he's a therapist, then call him. Because

the good move is to fire the predator,
so that is what I am doing.

Now I am off to watch more of my
goodness.

Thank you, John Krasinski, for that
beautiful poem while flexing.

When we come back, a message from a
Parkland survivor.

Before that, three performances from
John Legend that'll make you say, huh.

I think he just doesn't like to be home.

Okay. Hi, um, more bad news. Apparently
the Parkland survivor has COVID.

Oh, my God.

Okay, okay.

The gays are racing home tonight.

Hurrah! Hurrah! Our reunion we will
crush tonight. Hurrah!

Hurrah! No one will be more successful
than we. Or understand Kamala better

he. Cause we are gay and coming to win
the night.

Oh look, a third gay. At Nesbitt's dive
on comedy.

Hurrah, hurrah.

And at Google, I'm then Louie B.

Hurrah, hurrah.

And now I am sitting in my own pee. So
all of my past can compliment me. Cause

we are gay and coming to win the night.

No, but really.

Think of what they'll say when they see
me.

All my classmates with those sad little
lives.

Think of what they'll say, how they'll
swoon and scream.

When the wind weaver arrives.

Holy shit, Carrie Dubeck. Oh my god,
everyone stop what you're doing. Carrie

Dubeck's here. This is literally like a
Brad Pitt and his reunion.

Us gays have not been back in years like
10 or 12.

Cause high school for us was full of
tears, so sad Oh well, but that was the

past and this is the now And look at our
resumes, holy shit, wow The gays are

coming, the gays are coming The gays are
coming

Home to win the night

Wow. I finally have my dream kitchen.

Oh, I'm so jealous. I wish my kitchen
was bee -themed. And I saved money on a

designer by buying this little stencil
kit at Kathy's Crafts on the other side

of Jenny's jeans and just stenciling the
bees on myself. I love the view of bees

flying around on every single cover. I
actually did bees flying around the

house. I mean, why not? I had the
stencil. I'm going to take a picture.

so cozy.

Thanks. And aww.

Don't you love it? Meg got me that for
Mother's Day. She and Mark know to only

ever get me something with a B on it now
or else.

And how are Meg and Mark?

The same.

That reminds me, how's Brooke?

What's she up to now?

Are you sure he can't stay for seven
more minutes? You know, he's on right

the break.

Sorry, protocol.

Yes, totally. Safety is so key.

Fuck. I can't lose my therapist and my
Parkland teen.

Do you know how humiliating it'll be to
have an eight -hour mental health

telethon without one Parkland kid in it?

I know.

What if we chloroform her? Oh, my God,
Jeter, no. We can't chloroform the COVID

lady on my night of undeniable good.

Fine.

Fine. This way. This way.

Where are we going? I have an idea. I
saw a broom closet upstairs.

What if we just...

Lock her in it for ten.

Are you out of your mind?

That feels just as bad as chloroforming.
No, it's no big deal. We just lead her

in and let the door shut behind her. And
then we say, oh no, we thought this was

him. Our bad, we'll go get help. And
then we just let her out right after he

speaks. No harm, no foul.

Sorry, excuse me.

His dressing room's up here? I think so,
almost there.

We cannot lock a full woman in a broom
closet on our night of good. We'd still

be doing net good if one woman in a
closet were half a Seinfeld so millions

teens can hear this Parkland kid's
message. I mean, his speech is

Okay,

fine, but just ten minutes.

Okay, hands in. We're doing good on
three. One, two, three. We are doing

Okay.

So stupid. No one here is going to...
Holy shit.

Carrie Dubeck. Oh, my God.

Everyone, stop what you're doing.

Carrie Dubeck is here.

Whoa. This is like if Brad Pitt came to
his reunion.

Wait, this is literally the song? Oh, my
God. I can't believe you came. Carrie

Dubeck.

Wait a minute.

What's going on? It kind of sounds like
Pitt's over here. Oh, that's... For

sure, me.

I'm literally covered in piss 24 -7. The
joy of having a one -year -old.

Wow, Carrie Dubeck. Hi.

Sorry, can I get a pic? My wife and I
love Wind Weaver, and now you're the

star? Thank you.

That's so nice.

But, um,

uh, ah, ah, ooh.

Sorry, what's that, Carrie?

Ah, ah, ooh.

I think he's asking how we are.

Oh, no. We see each other 24 -7. I'm
sick of hearing about these people.

Seriously.

Wait. You just want me to talk about
myself all night?

Yes.

I mean, if you insist.

Thank you, John Legend, another B+. And
now, a quick announcement for all you at

home. Starting now, if you tweet about
the show using the hashtag A Night of

Undeniable Good, you will get one month
of therapy courtesy of Better Health. So

tell all your mentally ill friends to
tune in and tweet, and let's make this

most watched telethon ever.

Okay. We'll be right back after the
break with insert name of whatever

teen we get. Hey, that's right this way.
Follow us.

I'm trying. You're just going really
fast. Uh -huh. Well, we're just here to

you out there to tell your story. Hey,
is COVID Lady still in there? Mm -hmm.

I feel so weird about this, Brooke.
Like, that parking gate does have COVID.

not get cold feet now.

Who can he hurt in the next minute?

Hi, Sia?

I'm such a huge fan. Rolling in the Deep
is one of my favorite songs.

Keep giving Sia COVID.

Hey, bud, let's just keep it moving,
okay? I'm sure Sia is very busy.

Can I maybe give you a hug?

No, you know what? It's fine. Everyone
has to be vaccinated. So even if she

get it, it'll be a cold. She's young.
And is this your grandma? I have to give

you a hug, too. Oh, my God. We can't see
his grandma.

We can't see his grandma.

Treat her. Quit being psycho.

Oh, please don't say psycho. God, can
someone please put a bell on them? Shit,

he's on in 10 seconds.

Grandma, stay away from the boy. Step
back, Grandma.

Don't worry, we're all doing good. We're
doing good here. Okay, good coming

through. What he's doing is good. It's
all good.

And now, the moving methods from
Parkland survivor Cameron Catt.

Thank you, Chase.

As many of you may know.

Hi. We have a problem with Ben Platt.

What the fuck?

God, you are just so famous now.

And it makes sense. I remember in high
school, you won most likely to win an

Academy Award.

I did?

I don't even remember that. God, I don't
know what I won. Well, I got most

likely to succeed, which is sad, because
now I'm a dentist, which is nothing

compared to Carrie. No, being a dentist
isn't nothing.

Yes, it is. It's truly nothing.

Like, seriously, I tell everyone I was
in Greece with you. Oh, that's sweet.

Are you still acting?

No, I do marketing for a local theater
now, which is nice, because the hours

flexible, but it's still creative.

God, this must sound so small time to
you. No, please, you are not small time.

Yes, yes, yes, I am big.

And hey, I'm so happy you're out now. I
had no idea you were closeted in school.

What? That must have been so hard. No,
no, and now...

I'm winning, so let's get back to how
I'm winning.

Hi. Oh, wow. Hey, Owen.

So cool you're here.

Great to see you. Oh, yeah. I wasn't
going to come, but I just got some

news. What? I'm going to be an
understudy on Broadway.

Whoa. That's so cool.

You should talk to Carrie Dubeck since
you guys are like in the same industry.

Hey, yo, Dubes.

Wait, you came?

Fuck. I can't be the second most
successful gay at this reunion. That's

nothing.

We're having a great time.

It's the best night of my life.

I may need to sing again.

Shit, but we already announced their
company's $100 million donation on air.

But that was before the company's CEO
found out there was a gay person on the

show. And he's crazy conservative, and
he says that if we let Ben Platt

he'll take their money back.

I'm so sorry. Well, thank you. Where are
you going? Fuck!

Doing good is impossible.

No wonder I didn't do it for 35 years.
Okay, so what do we do?

Let me just try and go talk to him.

I mean, listen.

I hate gays, too.

Penises in butts? How and why, sir?
They're the ones who are mentally ill.

right?

It's just that Ben's already here, you
know? So let's just let him do his

song.

Sorry. But I won't budge on this.

I mean, can you believe it? He will take
his money back if you perform.

Jesus, that is so shitty.

I know.

So, obviously, you... Are going out
there more determined than ever to not

silent.

Yas, quern!

Fucking gay people.

Okay, I know. What if we chloroform him?
No, let's just...

Game this out.

All right. We can't tell Ben to leave
because that would look bad. Plus,

health does affect the LGBTQ community,
so it is good to have a gay person on

this. Representation is worth so much.

But is it worth $100 million?

I don't know. Like if it was $5 or $10.

Brooke, hey.

Hi. I have an idea.

What if we do a thing where every time
someone buys my last album, they get a

month of free therapy?

What? Absolutely not. That's gross.

But we just said if people tweet about
this show, they get a month of therapy.

What's the difference? Well...

Bud, you'd be doing it to help album
sales, which is bad.

But I'm doing it to help promote this
show that helps the whole world, which

good.

So. No, yeah. Yeah, right.

Sorry for asking.

Okay. I know what we're going to do.
We're going to accidentally lock Ben

in the broom closet, too.

Okay. Yeah, I've had an agent for a
while, but now I have a lawyer and a

manager. That is so crazy.

I have none of that.

Happening, look how they fawn, hurrah,
hurrah.

Wow. Yeah, we cute in Croatia, but
luckily they have to fly me first.

We did a French trip to Hawaii last
year, and we were in the very last row

coach. Aw.

It's happening, I am their god, hurrah,
hurrah.

Hey, would you mind FaceTiming my
brother -in -law? He's a huge fan.

My brother -in -law is also a fan.
Girls, girls, there is plenty of me for

brother -in -law.

Their lives were empty before I came,
because they're just people, but I have

fame.

Aw. All righty. But I guess I do need to
relieve the sitter.

What time is soccer tomorrow?

Oh, drinks on Thursday, right? Love you.

They'll never forget this epic night.
Oh, it's so great seeing you.

I hope when I leave they will be all
right. I think we can all safely say you

won this reunion, bro.

Tonight was just how I hoped it'd be.
This was a list that's accepted for me.

The gay has come home. The gay has come
home. The gay has come home.

That's why we call it Wine O 'Clock
Zumba.

Food fear from Pat's face.

I have been dreaming about El Panto
Taqueria. That's because nobody does

like Tony and Mike.

Anyway, you have to come back next
summer, too, so you can pontoon. Oh,

will be on that pontoon.

We thought it was going to be a hassle
having one, you know, taking it out in

the winter. But you just pay one fee,
and the marina does it all. Love that.

if you do go... Pat, do not let Robin
pull you on that too.

She nearly broke my neck. She went so
fast.

You just had one too many Kim Crawfords.
It was the weekend.

There's no such thing as one too many
Kim Cs.

I'm on her side.

And speaking of, I just want to say
thank you so much for having me back.

has truly been the perfect day. Melanie,
let the COVID lady out. We need the

closet for Ben Platt.

Wait, what?

Okay.

Hi, ma 'am. I am so sorry about the mix
-up. Wait, where did she go?

Oh, my God. I think she escaped through
the vents. What?

There's a lady in the vents on my night
of undeniable good?

It absolutely appears so.

So if we can't throw Ben in a closet,
how else are we going to distract him so

he misses his performance?

Well, I know you're going to be mad,
but... Strater, no chloroform. Now

How else can we distract a gay man?

Oh, my God. Brooke.

I'm a daddy.

hey twink excuse me what do you say we
blow up this fundraiser and i go step on

your bones or break your neck or is it
legs i'm gonna what are you i'm gonna i

will break any bone in your body that
you want me to break

Ben Platt filed a sexual harassment
complaint against you, so I guess I have

fire you now, too? Okay, but this is
great. This means he isn't gay, or he

have loved that. Oh, just go.

Brooke. Sorry, but Ben's on in 15
minutes. Fuck!

I can't lose $100 million.

I know.

Baby, Streeter was right.

actually saw some in the broom closet.

What the fuck? Did I just miss the turn
off?

Why does it smell like bull piss in
here?

Okay, but like, it's good that we're
chloroforming then. Right, because this

money can help a lot of people. And he
said he was tired when he got here, so

he'll just think he slept through his
song.

Plus, I already have the Hamilton cast
ready to go on instead.

We're going to sing The Room Where It
Happens, but in this version, the room

a therapist's office. Ew.

Maybe it's worth $100 million to not
hear that.

Also, like, what if we kill Ben Platt?
Oh, my God. We're not going to kill Ben

Platt. Just focus.

We were doing this for good.

But if you ever say anything about the
good that we did here, I will end you.

Okay, fine.

Let's do this.

Hi.

Hey, what's up? Do you think... Just
stay there, because we just want to...

Jesus Christ, are you okay?

Hey, girl, we just sent the maintenance
man up. Who the fuck is this?

Oh, are you Ben Platt?

Yes.

You have COVID and need to leave
immediately.

What? Wait, what?

Yes! I mean... No, he does.

Oh, so he can't perform?

He can't perform and it's his fault.
Fuck. This sucks. I feel like I'm

the whole gay community down.

You are.

You are letting them down.

Not many girls.

We fucking did it.

Fuck.

Okay.

Hi,

can I use your bathroom, please?

It's out of order.

That's okay. I just need the bathroom
room.

Why do you need the bathroom room?

Because I'm wearing a fucking diaper,
and I need to take it off. Yep. I've

sitting in my own pits for the last six
hours, so may I please just use your

bathroom room so I can take off my
diaper, kind sir?

Sounds like you had a pretty rough
night.

It's actually one of the best nights of
my entire life.

Is there no service in here?

Fuck!

What the fucking fuck?! Well, this
night... Sucked my

ass? Yeah. That was 100 % cuckoo
bananas. Oh, yeah, please don't say

bananas. Just kidding. Have a great
night.

Okay. Ah!

Watch where you're going, you fucking
psycho!

My God! But hey, this might cheer you
up. Chase's album is number one on

Wait, what? What do you mean? Yeah, he
tweeted he'd give a free month of

to anyone who bought his last album, and
this whole country is sick, so it went

straight to number one. Uh, kind of
smart, huh? Wait, no!

I specifically told him not to do that,
and he just did anyway?

Fuck! The whole reason we pivoted him to
mental health was so that people

wouldn't think he was bad anymore.

But then he does this shit thing?

Ugh!

Why is it so hard to do good?

Okay, um, if you do think that, I
wouldn't look behind you right now.

please another one right totally forgot
it's reunion season there's actually

another diaper guy in there now but we
should probably check on him how are you

doing my own piss in my eyes oh god i
can

i can take it from here i don't

know i don't i'm lost i'm like fucking

Lost. Yeah, no, I'm lost too.

No, I think I'm like lost, lost. Like I
just had this great night and

immediately, I don't know, left and just
felt unhappy or like not happy.

And I don't know why.

Like I am the star of the number one
show on Netflix without puppies

So why do I feel like I'm about to
fucking cry?

No, I feel lost, lost too.

Which is insane, because I have Kamala's
phone number. Like, if I called her

now, she'd answer. It's just like I have
everything I ever wanted. So what am I

missing? Like, what else am I looking
for?

Oh, one of my classmates is videoing me
on Instagram?

So weird.

One of my classmates is videoing me,
too.

Hello? Hello?

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Sorry. I don't mean to be a fool
stalker. We were just talking about how

most likely to win an Academy Award.

So we got out Jess's yearbook, and guess
what I won?

Wait for it. Most likely to win an
Academy Award for best actress.

So you should feel really good about
yourself, because I'm a literal dog

now.

Thank you. Wait, Carrie, what are you
doing now? Want to come hang?

I mean, I'm sure. No, because you're
fully famous, and we're just, like,

watching survival.

Oh, I thought only gay people watch
Survivor now. I think everyone does.

Anyway, it's just a cash friend hang if
you want to come.

Yes! Come on, friend hang, dude.

Max, Max, Max, you've got to come. It's
a friend hang. Okay, no, let's let him

go, but come if you want. I'll come.
I'll DM you the address.

Okay, great, great. I appreciate it.

God, it's so obvious what I've been
missing.

It's so clear what I need.

Hey, would you want to get a drink?

Aspirant?

Wait, what?

Mackenzie? I need to win the Academy
Award for Best Actor in a Motion

I tried calling you, but you didn't pick
up, and I just wanted to let you know

about my day.

My friend picked me up from the airport,
and we went shopping, and then got ice

cream and fed the ducks in the park,
then went back to her house and ordered

dinner with some other friends.

And the whole time, the whole day, I
just kept thinking, I am so fucking

I just, I was so excited. I decided to
come back, but I hated every

minute of it.

Everything we did, I thought, how much
longer do I have to do this for?

We walked through town, and I found it
small.

We bought clothes I used to wear, and I
felt foolish in them.

And everything we ate was so awful.

I was embarrassed to be putting food
like that in my mouth.

And the houses were so ugly.

These people should be in jail for what
their houses look like. I wish my

kitchen would be themed.

I just, I kept thinking, thank God I
don't think this shit looks good still.

Let me take a picture.

Eventually the day was so long I started
to get physically mad it was still

happening. Because the conversations
were so mind -numbing. And the jokes

weren't funny.

I was with my friends, but I wasn't.

I was outside them.

Because they were the same.

And I was different.

I am different.

And I just, I don't think I can come
here again.

Not ever again.

Anyway, this is a lot of text.

And I know we're not together anymore,
but I just wanted to say hi.

And that I miss you.

And your dick.

God, I miss your big fat dick.

Oh, my God. Those are all tweets again.

Delete, delete, delete.

The gays are racing home tonight.
Hurrah.

Hurrah. A reunion we will crush tonight.

Hurrah. Hurrah.

No one will be more successful than we.
Or understand Kamala better than he.

Because we are gay and coming to win the
night. Hurrah. Oh, look, a third gay.

Let's dive on comedy.

Hurrah.

Think of what they'll say when they see
me.

All my classmates with those sad little
lives.

Think of what they'll say, how they'll
swoon and... And scream when the wind

weaver arrives.

But gays have not been back in years
like 10 or 12.

The cycle for us was full of tears so
sad. Oh, well.

But that was the past and this is the
now. Look at our resumes. Holy shit,

The gays are coming. The gays are
coming.

Home to win the night.