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620, give me that jab on Mulligan.
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On the feet.
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64853.
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McLean?
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Okay, perfect. Thank you.
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What is this?
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What is this? Where am I? Look, what is
this? Some little storage closet?
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No, this is the security office.
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Okay. You know why you're back here?
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No. You don't? No.
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Because you were stealing products from
the store.
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I wasn't.
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You weren't? Mm -mm.
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You know that, like, there's security
cameras, not just in the mall, but in
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actual store itself.
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Did you see those? Do you know they're
there?
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No. I don't know today. I wasn't
stealing. I was literally just...
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around shopping.
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I mean, there's nothing wrong with it.
Yeah.
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This is what you wore to the store.
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Mm -hmm.
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Yeah.
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You say so.
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Yes.
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I'm shopping, okay? It was just a little
trip I needed to take. My daughter's
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birthday is tomorrow, and I'm just
looking at some stuff. I don't care
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that. Oh, fine.
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Well, you pulled me into this little
storage closet to talk to me, so.
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It's the security office.
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Okay. Whatever you say. I'm all cop.
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Do I need to call in some backup in
here? I mean, is this what you're going
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is the answer you're going to have?
Because, I mean, this is an actual, this
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not like play.
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Okay.
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What's your name?
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You really need to know my name.
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I definitely need to know your name.
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Kenzie. K -E -N -Z -I -E.
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So, you pulled me into a closet. You're
a mall cop.
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You want to know my name.
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So, what else do you need to... I need
your birthday.
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My birthday. Ooh, are you going to buy
me a present?
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Probably not, no.
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It's July 2nd.
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Do you have some ID on you?
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I mean, you drove here. I'm sure you
have an ID on you, right?
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I left it in my car.
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Sorry. Well, how are you planning on
paying for the merchandise?
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Oh, well, I was going to pick out what I
was getting, leave it at the cash
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register, go out, get my card. I didn't
want to lug my brand new, like, very
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expensive designer bag into this store.
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Did you steal the expensive bag?
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No, I don't. steal. I don't need to
steal.
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I mean, listen, I'm not judging the
situation, but I'm just saying that it
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no sense to go into a store, pick out
clothing, then go back to your car to
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your payment method, then go back to the
store. Nobody does that. Okay, well, it
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doesn't make sense to you because you're
a mall cop, but to me, it makes sense.
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I didn't want to bring in my designer
bag, lug it in here, and then...
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possibly not find anything in here, and
then, you know, just end up leaving
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empty -handed. So I wanted to come in,
pick out what I wanted to get, if there
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was anything, which I haven't found
anything yet, and then go ahead, leave
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the cash register, go get my bag, come
in and pay for it, and then leave a
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customer. But I haven't found anything
yet. So you got my name and my birthday.
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What else do you need?
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Do you want my blood type? It's O
negative.
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Oh, negative.
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Yeah. I don't need your blood type,
thank you. Okay.
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What you're saying makes no sense.
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Your wardrobe makes no sense, but we're
not going to talk about that.
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Oh, really? Mm -hmm. Well, it's company
policy.
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Oh, okay.
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I have a job. Do you have a job?
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Yes, I do, actually.
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What's your job? Who's your employer?
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I'm a stay -at -home wife, thank you
very much. Stay -at -home? Has anyone
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married you? Yes.
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I'm a stay -at -home wife. I take care
of everything in my house. It's a lot,
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okay? There are 17 bedrooms. Do you know
how much that takes for my maids to
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clean? I'm surprised you can count that
high. Yeah, it takes a lot.
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00:04:57,550 --> 00:05:00,770
There's 17 bedrooms, like eight
bathrooms. It's a bedroom.
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No, bedroom. Some of them have bathrooms
in it. Okay. Yeah. I didn't know that.
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It takes a lot. I'm just a mall cop, so
I don't know if there's any fancy.
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You are. You are. And you're, you know
what? You're a mall cop. You're wasting
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my time. I actually should be home right
now telling my maids what they need to
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clean today. Listen, listen. I agree
with you. I think you should be home as
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well. We would have paid for the
merchandise and gone home.
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Then we wouldn't be having to take you.
I didn't find anything here.
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You didn't find anything?
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No. Really? Yeah.
90
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Interesting. You and your little
clipboard.
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These are official.
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Oh, okay.
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I'm going to take some, too.
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Terrible outfit. Check.
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Shiny little tap dancer shoes.
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Check.
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What's your birthday?
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Anything else you need from me, or can I
be on my way?
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You are most definitely not allowed to
be on your way.
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00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:55,940
It's interesting. You say you're
married, but you're not wearing a ring.
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00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:00,100
Interesting. Well, it's the jeweler
right now getting cleaned. Really? It's
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almost our anniversary.
103
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,260
Really? Uh -huh. Interesting.
104
00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:09,200
And does he know that you come to the
mall and occasionally steal items?
105
00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:13,280
First off, I would never tell my husband
that I go to the mall. It's
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embarrassing.
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Why is it embarrassing?
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Because it's the mall. I work at the
mall. What are you trying to say?
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Your job's embarrassing. You should be
very embarrassed.
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What, because I make a living and pay
for things?
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I mean, you're living, you don't even
have a living.
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I asked you if you had a job and you
said you're a wife. I'm a stay -at -home
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wife. It's a lot. Well, you're not home
now. And I have a kid, too. You're not
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home now. Maybe you should have stayed
at home and you avoided those jobs. You
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know what? I should have. I could have
avoided this little fucking whatever
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-this -is closet interrogation session.
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It's the security office.
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You say it's the office.
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My bathroom is bigger than this office,
okay?
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00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:52,040
Anything else do you need?
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Congratulations on your big bathroom.
Thank you.
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00:06:57,380 --> 00:06:59,160
Thank you. Yeah, no problem.
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00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,880
Have you been to jail? Do you have a
record?
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00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:09,900
I only have like two or three or four
speeding tickets, but no, I've never
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to jail.
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00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,680
Okay, I take that back. I went to jail
one time.
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But it was so stupid. Is that where you
met your husband?
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No. It was so stupid, okay? I'll just
tell you really quickly. It's the only
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reason why.
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00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,000
I got pulled over.
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00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:23,699
Can you please be careful?
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Oh, sorry. Ew, ew, ew. I don't know why
you're getting angry. I can't believe I
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just touched that. You don't need to
raise your tone, okay? Ew, I can't
134
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I just touched that. What is that,
burlap?
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What is that? Ew.
136
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I'm sorry, the bag did not mean to stay
in there.
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People use that?
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Oh, my God.
139
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No, anyway, like I was saying, oh, my
God, I can't believe I just touched
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Ew.
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I lost my train of thought. Oh, I went
to jail.
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Okay, so this cop pulled me over, right?
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Really? Are we going to work this?
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Because I don't have time. I got a DUI,
okay? And I only had seven glasses of
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wine. I couldn't believe it. But that's
the only time. But they let me out right
146
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away because my husband has a really
good lawyer.
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00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,600
So I didn't get charged. Your husband's
a lawyer?
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00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:07,200
No, he has a good lawyer.
149
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:08,780
Oh, he has a good lawyer. Yes.
150
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,980
Well, that's good because you're going
to need one.
151
00:08:11,420 --> 00:08:13,760
Because you're probably going to go to
jail again today.
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00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,930
Yeah, okay. For what?
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For stealing.
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Okay.
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00:08:18,770 --> 00:08:21,850
Okay. What is that right there? Is that
a camera?
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Yeah, I'm recording.
157
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Oh. There's the camera.
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00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:26,930
Is that because you're a mall cop?
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You need to be safe.
160
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Well, it's a common practice.
161
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Oh, okay.
162
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Okay.
163
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:39,270
I'm sorry. What was that about?
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Nothing. I'm just wondering what else
you need to ask me in this closet.
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You have a clipboard and you've asked me
my name and my birthday.
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Do you want to know my shoe size? Maybe
you can buy me some shoes.
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I need a new pair of shoes.
168
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:54,910
Is that what you were trying to do
today, steal some shoes?
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00:08:55,570 --> 00:08:56,950
No, I wasn't stealing shoes.
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Do you have their sneakers, those shoes?
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I wore them in. They're mine.
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00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:07,810
I mean, you say that, but you're clearly
a deviant.
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Okay, these shoes are designer.
174
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:14,300
Oh, are they? Everything you have is
designer. Congratulations. You know,
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00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:19,920
privilege to even have you in our little
storage unit. I should sign my
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autograph on your clipboard. You'd be so
lucky.
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You'd be so lucky to have my autograph.
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God, everybody would be so jealous of
you and your little mall cop fucking
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break session.
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00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,760
Oh, they'd be so jealous.
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They would love that. Would they? Yes,
they would eat their donuts and talk
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about it and maybe cry.
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Were we real cops or were we mall cops?
Because I thought only real cops eat
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donuts. No, mall cops.
185
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:49,500
Oh, yeah. No, mall cops probably eat
that cheap Chinese food from the food
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00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,160
court. Maybe the pretzels at the food
court or something.
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00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,860
Yeah, the scraps. Yeah, the scraps.
Yeah, you go through the scraps. Yeah,
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00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:58,400
that's right. You know, I know a lot of
people like you, actually, and you are a
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00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,379
scrap person yourself.
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00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:00,740
You know, you obviously didn't come from
money.
191
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,660
Okay. You're not comfortable with it.
Okay. Because you're always bragging
192
00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:07,520
how much you have, yet you still steal.
193
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,720
So if you really had that much money.
Oh, you're tough.
194
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:12,360
You're tough. What's your husband's
name?
195
00:10:13,089 --> 00:10:15,250
You don't need to know my husband's
name. I don't think you're married. I
196
00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:17,790
you're making it all up. You don't need
to know my husband's name. I don't think
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00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:19,010
you're making it up.
198
00:10:19,570 --> 00:10:21,330
Prove me wrong. What's his name? Donald.
199
00:10:22,130 --> 00:10:23,610
Anything else? You say you have a
daughter?
200
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:24,890
Yes.
201
00:10:25,170 --> 00:10:27,630
Yes, tomorrow's her birthday. She turns
16.
202
00:10:27,970 --> 00:10:32,850
Okay. So the whole reason I came to this
shitty place was to look and see if I
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00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:37,550
could find her, like, a dress, you know,
maybe something else nice. I don't
204
00:10:37,550 --> 00:10:39,310
know. I was just looking around.
205
00:10:41,310 --> 00:10:43,420
Hmm. And where is she now?
206
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,520
She's at home.
207
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,260
With her father?
208
00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:51,040
Well, you took my phone or I'd look, but
no.
209
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,400
She should be there with her tutor,
actually.
210
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:54,319
Her tutor?
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00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,040
Yes. She's very intelligent.
212
00:10:56,820 --> 00:10:58,160
The tutor? Yes.
213
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:00,480
Or the daughter?
214
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:02,260
Both of them.
215
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:03,360
Okay.
216
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,220
When and where did she get that from?
217
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,540
Probably both of us. We're both so
intelligent.
218
00:11:09,740 --> 00:11:13,280
Where is this going? You're wasting so
much of my day right now.
219
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,740
I'm just trying to... I could be laying
up at the pool right now getting sand.
220
00:11:17,140 --> 00:11:20,340
Listen, I'm actually supposed to be on
my break right now. Oh, gosh.
221
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,020
So I'd like to wrap this up as well, but
I have a job to do. Do you get pay
222
00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:26,380
breaks or do you have to clock out?
223
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,360
I have to clock out. Oh, okay. What does
that mean?
224
00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:34,100
Well, this is your break, so shouldn't
you be clocked out?
225
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:38,480
No, I'm still working. I'm not taking my
break. You're sitting on your app.
226
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:40,560
Because I've got to deal with people
like you. You're not working. You're
227
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,500
sitting on your app. Trust me, this is
work.
228
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:43,720
Okay.
229
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:47,900
Yeah, can you go ahead and...
230
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,080
cue up that footage. I'm going to come
down and check it out.
231
00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:09,140
Okay.
232
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:10,440
Great.
233
00:12:11,580 --> 00:12:13,040
Yep. Yep, thank you.
234
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:16,860
Okay.
235
00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:19,560
This has been great, really. Like, a lot
of fun.
236
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:23,680
It has been, yeah. But I'm going to go
check security footage for a second time
237
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,860
to make sure there was no other angles
that have been, you know.
238
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,520
To see that I wasn't stealing and then I
can get out of this shithole. Yeah, you
239
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:34,060
know what? If I see you weren't
stealing, I will let you go. But you
240
00:12:34,060 --> 00:12:37,520
here. Okay. Don't try to leave. There's
cameras watching you. Don't check out.
241
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,060
Remember you're working. Go ahead.
242
00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:40,440
Go ahead.
243
00:12:40,540 --> 00:12:44,340
Okay. Okay. I'll wait right here in this
closet.
244
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:47,480
You know what?
245
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:48,780
God, it smells in here.
246
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,300
How do you people live?
247
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:51,620
Like, oh, God.
248
00:12:58,140 --> 00:12:59,420
It's nice to be able to leave.
249
00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:02,500
You wouldn't know what that's like, but
it's nice. Trust me.
250
00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:03,780
Yeah.
251
00:13:06,980 --> 00:13:07,980
Oh, fuck.
252
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:09,620
What the fuck?
253
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:11,640
Oh, my God.
254
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:12,860
Oh, what am I going to do?
255
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,900
Oh, my God. He took my fucking phone
with him.
256
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,840
Oh, my God. He's hit the fridge. Oh, my
God. Oh, my God.
257
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,220
So you know I shouldn't have put this
fucking thing on. Fuck.
258
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:37,180
I was just, like, doing some jumping
jacks and really, like, missed my
259
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,180
class.
260
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:39,600
Crazy.
261
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,260
Yeah, something's crazy.
262
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:43,520
Yeah.
263
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:47,420
Okay, so I have good news.
264
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:49,780
Okay, perfect. And bad news.
265
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:55,660
All right, what's the good news? Okay,
the good news is you're not going to
266
00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:57,100
to go to jail. Yes!
267
00:14:57,620 --> 00:14:59,080
Okay. Will do. Yeah.
268
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,780
The bad news is, obviously, the cameras.
269
00:15:02,220 --> 00:15:03,500
Showed you the alien.
270
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,400
Where did your dress go?
271
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,500
What are you talking about? Where did
your dress go?
272
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,400
I'm wearing my dress.
273
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:16,160
What are you talking about? The dress
that you had on. Where did it go?
274
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,100
I'm literally wearing the dress.
275
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,020
You're wearing a dress?
276
00:15:22,510 --> 00:15:26,390
I was standing up, and I was, like,
doing some jumping jacks. Right now, I'm
277
00:15:26,390 --> 00:15:30,850
missing my afternoon workout class,
okay? You have no idea how important
278
00:15:30,850 --> 00:15:31,910
cardio is for my body.
279
00:15:32,610 --> 00:15:35,170
So that's why I'm, like, a lot of
breath.
280
00:15:35,650 --> 00:15:41,110
It's just, like, stretching and jumping
jacks, which is hard in heels.
281
00:15:42,190 --> 00:15:43,550
Yeah. Yeah.
282
00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:55,310
Ew,
283
00:15:56,590 --> 00:15:57,990
I would not touch that.
284
00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:00,970
That smells like broke people.
285
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:03,330
Nah, you would know.
286
00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:05,530
Ugh. I wouldn't, actually.
287
00:16:05,850 --> 00:16:06,850
Oh, you wouldn't? No.
288
00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:08,210
Because you have tons of money.
289
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:10,050
A lot, yeah.
290
00:16:10,310 --> 00:16:11,310
Yeah. Mm -hmm.
291
00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:18,850
What's this?
292
00:16:19,590 --> 00:16:20,630
I don't know.
293
00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:23,250
Why the fuck would I know what's in
your...
294
00:16:24,909 --> 00:16:29,510
security office closet drawer. I'm gonna
open this drawer. Okay. Ooh, okay.
295
00:16:29,830 --> 00:16:30,830
I'm scared.
296
00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:33,030
Oh, no. Those are my medical gloves.
297
00:16:33,790 --> 00:16:34,790
Oh.
298
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:36,270
Be careful.
299
00:16:39,070 --> 00:16:44,110
This is such a waste of time. Oh, my
God. Is it? Okay. My husband is gonna be
300
00:16:44,110 --> 00:16:45,150
mad.
301
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,390
Get this fucking show on the road here
so I can get out of here.
302
00:16:59,790 --> 00:17:00,769
That's a great question.
303
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,349
This is the dress that you had on
underneath that dress.
304
00:17:04,829 --> 00:17:06,150
I did not.
305
00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:11,750
You definitely did. No, I didn't. I have
never seen that dress.
306
00:17:12,869 --> 00:17:15,369
Or that, whatever that is.
307
00:17:15,849 --> 00:17:17,069
Yeah, we're going to talk about this.
308
00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:18,410
Sure,
309
00:17:18,790 --> 00:17:22,990
let's talk about it. I've never seen
that before. I would not put that on my
310
00:17:22,990 --> 00:17:26,810
body. Put what? Put that dress on your
body?
311
00:17:27,390 --> 00:17:28,390
Yeah.
312
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,160
You want me to go look at the footage?
313
00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:31,620
See what it says?
314
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:38,240
I mean, you have to be a special type of
fucking... So, you know.
315
00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:43,380
Okay.
316
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:45,300
Okay, can we just talk for a second?
317
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:50,940
Can you just sit down and can we just
talk for like a moment where you
318
00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:52,200
act like a nice guy?
319
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:54,560
For one minute.
320
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,540
Oh, I thought I was just a fucking mall
cop.
321
00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,790
Did you just sit down for one minute,
please?
322
00:18:10,570 --> 00:18:10,930
Put
323
00:18:10,930 --> 00:18:18,210
it
324
00:18:18,210 --> 00:18:19,210
on pretty quick.
325
00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:24,690
Okay, so here's how it goes.
326
00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:30,490
I left my bag in my car accidentally.
327
00:18:33,090 --> 00:18:36,850
It's not locked in there, but I think it
is. I don't know. I was too lazy to go
328
00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:39,910
back out and check. But my daughter's
birthday is tomorrow.
329
00:18:40,230 --> 00:18:41,850
My husband filed for divorce.
330
00:18:42,130 --> 00:18:46,290
I can't spend a lot of money because I
don't want him to get upset with me. She
331
00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:50,150
really wanted a dress and a crown for
her sweet 16.
332
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:56,360
So... I came to this shitty store
because I always hear cutting out little
333
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,820
pictures of different things that she
likes.
334
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:02,660
And this disgusting floral print was one
of the things.
335
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:05,760
And a crown. She always wanted a crown.
Cutting out pictures.
336
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:07,020
What is it, 1995?
337
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:08,439
I don't know.
338
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,320
That's what she does. She calls it mood
boards.
339
00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:13,420
And she cuts out pictures and does
things. Yes.
340
00:19:13,940 --> 00:19:18,580
Well, you're describing to me your
situation. It sounds like, what was the
341
00:19:18,580 --> 00:19:20,220
you used? Poor people problems?
342
00:19:21,590 --> 00:19:24,910
Sounds like poor people's problems. It's
really not, though. It's different than
343
00:19:24,910 --> 00:19:28,950
that. Is it different? Until our divorce
finalizes and I get all of Donald's
344
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:33,490
money, or at least three -fourths of it,
which is what I'm owed after 10 years
345
00:19:33,490 --> 00:19:34,970
of marriage to him.
346
00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:39,350
And the reason I'm not wearing my ring
is, yes, it is at the jeweler's right
347
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:43,490
now, and it is getting cleaned because I
want his new little girlfriend to see
348
00:19:43,490 --> 00:19:46,990
how big and beautiful it is when I wear
it. But that's besides the point.
349
00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:51,520
This is for my daughter. Her birthday's
tomorrow, and I just wanted to do
350
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:55,980
something special for her on my own. Let
me, okay, Kinsey, let me just stop you.
351
00:19:57,380 --> 00:20:01,820
Okay. I'm sorry that whatever you're
going through is what you're going
352
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,400
Sounds condescending, but I'll take it.
353
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,480
Sorry. I'm sorry.
354
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:14,320
But you stole items, expensive items,
from the store.
355
00:20:15,199 --> 00:20:20,340
There's video footage of you taking the
items out of the store with no intention
356
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:25,840
to pay for them. As you told me, you
were picking them out and then you were
357
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,480
going to leave them and then go get your
bag. You didn't do any of that. You
358
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:29,480
took them with you.
359
00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:33,320
I'm going to call the police.
360
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:34,720
No, please don't.
361
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,660
Please don't. I'm going to call the
police. That's the last thing I need
362
00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:42,800
now. But before I call the police, I
have to obviously search you to make
363
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,040
you're not hiding anything else.
364
00:20:47,899 --> 00:20:51,840
Okay, I'm not hiding anything else, but
please just think about this.
365
00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:54,260
Please. Think about what?
366
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:57,060
No, but I'm not calling the police.
There's got to be something else. I'll
367
00:20:57,060 --> 00:20:59,060
community service if that's what it
takes. Community service?
368
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:02,740
Yes, but I'll put a disguise on. I'll
put a wig. I'll take my nails off. No, I
369
00:21:02,740 --> 00:21:04,340
won't take my nails off. I'll wear
gloves.
370
00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:07,920
I'll wear some ugly outfit. So you don't
actually touch the people?
371
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:12,320
No, so that people don't know it's me
because my friends can't see me. You
372
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,440
friends? Yes.
373
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:14,840
Really? Yes.
374
00:21:15,940 --> 00:21:17,140
You're confident in that answer.
375
00:21:17,590 --> 00:21:18,590
Sometimes.
376
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:19,810
Yeah.
377
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:22,490
It's hard to have friends, right? When
you're crazy.
378
00:21:23,050 --> 00:21:24,050
I'm not crazy.
379
00:21:24,810 --> 00:21:26,150
That's just what my doctor says.
380
00:21:27,250 --> 00:21:31,250
Yeah. Why don't you put the crown on?
Let me see it. You wanted it. Let me see
381
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:32,730
it. I don't want it. It's for my
daughter.
382
00:21:33,030 --> 00:21:34,030
Put it on.
383
00:21:35,770 --> 00:21:36,930
Ow. Ow.
384
00:21:37,350 --> 00:21:38,350
It hurts.
385
00:21:39,210 --> 00:21:40,210
Yeah, life hurts.
386
00:21:41,530 --> 00:21:42,710
That's why the crown is heavy.
387
00:21:45,050 --> 00:21:46,150
Is this a joke?
388
00:21:46,620 --> 00:21:47,620
This is hilarious.
389
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:53,760
Your little bumfuck analogies are, like,
the greatest thing ever. I love it. I
390
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,140
live for this shit. Okay.
391
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,800
Search me. I don't have anything else.
392
00:21:58,420 --> 00:21:59,720
You can figure that out.
393
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,680
What do you want me to do? It looks like
you've been searched before.
394
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,260
No, I haven't, actually.
395
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,040
I'm just standing up because obviously
you can search me when I'm sitting.
396
00:22:11,660 --> 00:22:12,660
What do I need to do?
397
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,740
Put your arms down. Have you been
through airport security or do you fly
398
00:22:15,740 --> 00:22:16,740
private?
399
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,460
I fly private mostly.
400
00:22:19,060 --> 00:22:20,060
Yeah.
401
00:22:21,820 --> 00:22:22,820
Okay.
402
00:22:25,940 --> 00:22:27,000
That's my boob.
403
00:22:27,300 --> 00:22:31,540
I know what boobs are. Thank you. Make
sure there's not hiding something in
404
00:22:31,540 --> 00:22:33,980
here. There's nothing in them. I don't
have a bra on.
405
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,960
Nothing in them. They don't seem real to
me. No, they're fake, but there's
406
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,380
nothing in them. Keep your arm extended,
please. Oh, my God.
407
00:22:41,399 --> 00:22:44,040
You are really something else. You know
that? Yeah, I know.
408
00:22:44,820 --> 00:22:45,820
Oh, yeah.
409
00:22:46,220 --> 00:22:48,780
I don't have anything.
410
00:22:49,060 --> 00:22:50,060
Did you pay for those earrings?
411
00:22:50,580 --> 00:22:51,580
Yes, I did.
412
00:22:52,020 --> 00:22:53,060
Did you? Yes.
413
00:22:54,060 --> 00:22:58,240
What's this? I think you're doing
something because I don't have anything.
414
00:23:01,820 --> 00:23:06,340
I'm going to have to ask you to remove
the dress because it just keeps going
415
00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:07,680
right now. Is that really necessary?
416
00:23:08,180 --> 00:23:09,180
Absolutely.
417
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,360
Oh my god. I can take it all for you.
418
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:12,900
No, I'll take it off.
419
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:14,880
God. Turn around.
420
00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:20,360
That's crazy.
421
00:23:23,580 --> 00:23:25,640
Oh god, I don't want my dress on the
floor.
422
00:23:25,940 --> 00:23:26,940
Ew, ew, ew, ew.
423
00:23:29,540 --> 00:23:30,540
Okay.
424
00:23:40,490 --> 00:23:42,410
You don't have to, like, shove them in
my face like that.
425
00:23:42,910 --> 00:23:44,690
I'm not. I'm covering them up.
426
00:23:44,890 --> 00:23:46,170
I don't have a brawn.
427
00:23:47,810 --> 00:23:50,070
There's nothing. It's cloth material.
428
00:23:51,110 --> 00:23:54,190
It's designer. Don't shake it too much.
I have to dry clean it.
429
00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:59,050
Oh, my God.
430
00:23:59,590 --> 00:24:00,590
It's not in there.
431
00:24:00,750 --> 00:24:01,790
Take off your panty.
432
00:24:02,510 --> 00:24:05,310
Oh, my God. Is that really necessary?
433
00:24:08,220 --> 00:24:09,980
Also, why is there a camera right there?
434
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:11,800
Is that your perv cam?
435
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,960
I'm sorry, my perv cam? Yeah. I think
perverted is happening here. Okay.
436
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,060
You just said take your panties off.
Yeah, because I need to make sure I'm
437
00:24:19,060 --> 00:24:19,819
hiding something.
438
00:24:19,820 --> 00:24:22,960
I mean, because if I was somebody and I
was hiding something, that's probably
439
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,200
the place I would try to hide it,
because that's the last place anyone's
440
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:26,660
to look, right? Oh, my God.
441
00:24:27,620 --> 00:24:30,880
I mean, I'm going to hit something in
the fucking... This is so humiliating.
442
00:24:30,980 --> 00:24:31,980
Yeah, no joke.
443
00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:33,180
Oh, my God.
444
00:24:34,660 --> 00:24:35,660
No joke.
445
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:37,980
This is why you shouldn't steal shit.
446
00:24:40,220 --> 00:24:41,780
Oh, my God.
447
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,300
What is wrong with you?
448
00:24:46,620 --> 00:24:50,420
Oh, my God. You have a perv cam and
you're sniffing my panties? I wasn't
449
00:24:50,420 --> 00:24:55,280
sniffing them. I was making sure that
sometimes people like to, you know,
450
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,260
I won't get into it. Oh, my God. Oh,
Jesus.
451
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:01,760
Oh, my God.
452
00:25:02,860 --> 00:25:04,340
I don't know if that's necessary.
453
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:06,520
Can you spread your leg, please?
454
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:09,980
This is fucking crazy.
455
00:25:10,540 --> 00:25:15,760
Okay. Okay, I had the dress on and the
crown around my leg, and, like, that was
456
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:16,760
it. Mm -hmm.
457
00:25:17,780 --> 00:25:20,960
Make sure you're not hiding anything.
458
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:22,920
What would I possibly hide?
459
00:25:23,540 --> 00:25:26,440
What the fuck would I put in the cheap
store of my pussy?
460
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,340
Oh, my God.
461
00:25:29,620 --> 00:25:30,840
This is terrifying.
462
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,240
You'd do this to every girl I got.
463
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,260
Every girl, every guy.
464
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:38,080
Ew!
465
00:25:40,340 --> 00:25:43,000
You have a problem? What's wrong with
you?
466
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,480
What is going on?
467
00:25:50,100 --> 00:25:51,100
I'm not.
468
00:25:52,380 --> 00:25:53,620
This is crazy.
469
00:25:53,820 --> 00:25:54,960
Oh, my God.
470
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:56,560
Can we stop moving?
471
00:25:57,220 --> 00:26:00,820
I'm sorry, but I'm not used to a mall
cop grabbing me.
472
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:05,540
I'm more than a mall cop. Okay. Sorry,
security officer at the mall.
473
00:26:10,260 --> 00:26:12,660
Oh, my God. This is so unnecessary.
474
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,320
How much longer until we're done?
475
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,020
Whoa. That's kind of up to you.
476
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,240
Oh, my God.
477
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:22,560
Put this on.
478
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:24,400
Oh, my God.
479
00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:27,200
Ew. I mean, you wanted it.
480
00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:29,400
Can I just put my own dress back on?
481
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:33,160
You don't put it all the way on.
482
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:45,020
I'm never stealing from this store
again. I'm just going to go to the other
483
00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:52,140
Okay. So, good news, bad news, right?
484
00:26:53,140 --> 00:26:57,300
Good news is you're going to give me my
panties and my dress back and my phone,
485
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,260
and I'm going to be on my way.
486
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,630
Yes. Okay, cool.
487
00:27:03,490 --> 00:27:10,390
But first, you're going to... I need you
to do something.
488
00:27:11,090 --> 00:27:12,090
What?
489
00:27:16,070 --> 00:27:18,170
I don't want to go to jail, so what?
490
00:27:19,710 --> 00:27:22,790
Well, you know, you're attractive.
491
00:27:23,150 --> 00:27:24,150
You're very sexy.
492
00:27:24,490 --> 00:27:25,790
I know, thank you. Yeah.
493
00:27:27,790 --> 00:27:31,710
Well, the thing is, it's so hard being
beautiful. You know that? Yeah.
494
00:27:32,050 --> 00:27:37,090
Yeah. Guys like me. Guys like all guys,
really. We like sexy women like you.
495
00:27:37,370 --> 00:27:41,370
Thanks. Yeah. I know. I'm ridiculously
good looking. Yeah.
496
00:27:41,610 --> 00:27:44,350
Yeah. Tell me something I don't know,
though.
497
00:27:44,750 --> 00:27:46,350
I want you to suck my cock.
498
00:27:46,750 --> 00:27:47,750
Oh.
499
00:27:48,790 --> 00:27:50,010
Wow. That was cross.
500
00:27:52,410 --> 00:27:53,410
You're serious?
501
00:27:54,070 --> 00:27:55,070
Yeah.
502
00:27:56,330 --> 00:27:58,150
But you have, like, all these cameras.
503
00:27:58,970 --> 00:28:01,470
I can turn them off later.
504
00:28:01,830 --> 00:28:05,310
I can change the footage. You have so
many cameras. I can change the footage.
505
00:28:05,370 --> 00:28:06,370
That's not a problem.
506
00:28:07,410 --> 00:28:11,230
Okay, so that camera right there, is
that actually, like, your own camera?
507
00:28:11,550 --> 00:28:15,710
This camera's not even recording
anymore.
508
00:28:16,910 --> 00:28:17,910
Okay.
509
00:28:18,590 --> 00:28:19,870
I just pressed the button.
510
00:28:20,110 --> 00:28:24,670
Okay, so, I have a question. So, I
agree.
511
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:31,900
to suck your cock you will not call the
police and i will not go to jail i mean
512
00:28:31,900 --> 00:28:38,900
that's basically the gist of it or i can
call the police right now
513
00:28:38,900 --> 00:28:44,680
you can go to jail for i would say you
spend the night there but like i know
514
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:50,700
that you have a record so i don't My
daughter's birthday is tomorrow, okay? I
515
00:28:50,700 --> 00:28:55,160
can't. I can't go to jail. I know. If
I'm in jail on my daughter's birthday,
516
00:28:55,300 --> 00:28:56,460
I'll never forgive myself.
517
00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:00,580
Then all you have to do is take those
pretty little lips.
518
00:29:03,100 --> 00:29:04,100
No.
519
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:06,480
Get on your knees.
520
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:09,800
Get on your knees.
521
00:29:11,780 --> 00:29:14,100
Oh, my God. Oh, the floor.
522
00:29:18,670 --> 00:29:21,150
You're going to let me go if I do this,
right?
523
00:29:22,130 --> 00:29:23,290
Yeah. Yeah.
524
00:29:29,350 --> 00:29:31,090
I'm going to let you go if you do a good
job.
525
00:29:33,310 --> 00:29:36,350
You better put more effort in sucking
cock than you do in getting away with
526
00:29:36,350 --> 00:29:37,930
stealing things.
527
00:29:38,230 --> 00:29:39,470
You're not very good at that.
528
00:29:39,670 --> 00:29:45,150
Well, I was a high school slut, so I
would say that I'm pretty good at
529
00:29:45,150 --> 00:29:48,500
cock. But don't talk about all that. You
know that's the first... time you told
530
00:29:48,500 --> 00:29:53,200
the truth this entire... Don't tell
Donald, though. He doesn't know. He
531
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,960
that I lost my virginity to him.
532
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:58,600
We know that's not true.
533
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:03,940
Is this normally what you do when people
shoplift?
534
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:09,820
You pull them in here, search them when
they're naked, and then tell them to
535
00:30:09,820 --> 00:30:10,820
suck their cock?
536
00:30:22,220 --> 00:30:23,220
That's it.
537
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:26,840
Oh yeah.
538
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:32,080
Oh yeah.
539
00:30:37,260 --> 00:30:38,260
Okay,
540
00:30:39,580 --> 00:30:40,580
I fucked your cock.
541
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,000
Can I go now?
542
00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:44,700
Uh, no.
543
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:45,960
You cannot go.
544
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,160
Okay. Oh, I get it.
545
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:51,540
You want to cum.
546
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:58,160
It's not even okay. Suck me to
completion, as they say. Keep going.
547
00:30:58,600 --> 00:30:59,600
Okay.
548
00:31:01,180 --> 00:31:03,720
Only because it's my only option. Yeah,
keep going.
549
00:31:31,310 --> 00:31:32,289
Stroke it.
550
00:31:32,290 --> 00:31:36,070
You should tell me what a slut you are.
551
00:31:37,190 --> 00:31:39,970
Tell you what a slut I am? Yeah. Tell me
what a slut you are.
552
00:31:40,570 --> 00:31:45,650
I'm such a dirty slut. Say it like you
mean it or I'll call the fucking police.
553
00:31:47,970 --> 00:31:50,410
I'm such a dirty little slut.
554
00:31:50,810 --> 00:31:53,110
I just can't get enough of this cock.
555
00:31:55,090 --> 00:31:56,570
You better check that out too.
556
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,160
You do have a nicer cock than Donald's.
I'll say that, though.
557
00:32:19,780 --> 00:32:25,320
You like this office now?
558
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:27,640
This closet?
559
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,220
Yeah. That's a nice closet.
560
00:32:30,980 --> 00:32:32,940
Office. Mm -hmm. Office.
561
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,160
Mm -hmm. Oh, this office.
562
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:39,620
So good. Oh, fuck this office. Oh, my
God.
563
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:06,380
Yeah, stroke it. Just like that for a
while.
564
00:33:08,580 --> 00:33:10,020
Why is your camera so on?
565
00:33:10,300 --> 00:33:13,000
It's not on. Sometimes it just blinks
when the battery's dying.
566
00:33:13,220 --> 00:33:14,820
Oh, okay. Sure. Yeah.
567
00:33:15,540 --> 00:33:17,140
Yeah, you like that, don't you?
568
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,120
On your little perv cam.
569
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,700
The battery's dying. Oh, no.
570
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,580
I know you take this camera with you
home.
571
00:33:30,540 --> 00:33:33,180
Little security officer perv cam.
572
00:34:05,580 --> 00:34:06,199
Keep sucking.
573
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,719
Yeah, that's what you like to do? Sit in
your chair.
574
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:10,000
I love it.
575
00:34:10,179 --> 00:34:11,380
It's great. In your office.
576
00:34:14,219 --> 00:34:17,560
You're such a hard worker staying
clocked in to get your cock sucked.
577
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,460
I don't even want to get it for my
daughter anymore. It's so gross on the
578
00:34:59,600 --> 00:34:59,960
This
579
00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:06,940
is probably
580
00:35:06,940 --> 00:35:11,380
the perk of your salary, huh? Yeah.
Getting to do this? Mm -hmm. Yeah. Well,
581
00:35:11,420 --> 00:35:12,460
they're not as hot as you.
582
00:35:18,670 --> 00:35:21,110
You ever get any gum jobs from the old
ladies?
583
00:35:23,730 --> 00:35:24,930
You want me to call the police?
584
00:35:52,660 --> 00:35:54,080
Oh, fuck yeah.
585
00:35:58,120 --> 00:35:59,120
Okay.
586
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:01,880
Now I can leave?
587
00:36:02,220 --> 00:36:03,300
No, stay up there.
588
00:36:04,140 --> 00:36:05,140
On the table?
589
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,200
Yeah.
590
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:08,480
And do what?
591
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:10,520
Bend over?
592
00:36:10,740 --> 00:36:12,260
Or sit on it? What do you think?
593
00:36:12,660 --> 00:36:15,080
Stand up, turn around, sit down.
594
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:22,460
I feel
595
00:36:22,460 --> 00:36:29,240
like you've
596
00:36:29,240 --> 00:36:30,440
used this table a lot.
597
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:13,240
You should take your camera off if he's
dying.
598
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:43,420
Oh, my God, she's going to love me.
599
00:39:55,950 --> 00:39:56,950
Yeah.
600
00:40:44,339 --> 00:40:46,400
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
601
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,900
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
602
00:40:50,980 --> 00:40:52,540
Oh, my God.
603
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:57,800
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
604
00:40:58,580 --> 00:41:00,340
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
605
00:41:03,980 --> 00:41:06,980
Oh, my God.
606
00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:15,720
Not yet.
607
00:42:19,020 --> 00:42:20,620
I like that. You don't know.
608
00:42:21,060 --> 00:42:22,060
Yeah.
609
00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:30,700
You had to give everybody a show, right?
610
00:42:31,820 --> 00:42:32,820
Yeah.
611
00:43:00,029 --> 00:43:02,610
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
612
00:43:05,610 --> 00:43:07,850
Yes. Yes.
613
00:43:22,230 --> 00:43:24,590
Fuck those big fucking titties.
614
00:43:24,870 --> 00:43:27,130
Yeah, that's why Donald bought them.
615
00:43:28,810 --> 00:43:33,050
Oh, I gotta fucking steal more often.
616
00:43:34,590 --> 00:43:36,470
Oh, fuck you.
617
00:44:28,530 --> 00:44:29,530
fucking dress.
618
00:44:31,110 --> 00:44:33,110
I'm flipping on this fucking dress.
619
00:44:33,410 --> 00:44:36,230
I hate it. I don't want it anymore. Get
it out of here.
620
00:44:41,670 --> 00:44:43,090
Oh, fuck.
621
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,360
Oh my God.
622
00:46:55,720 --> 00:46:57,560
stay on the clock to fuck some pussy.
623
00:46:58,220 --> 00:46:59,900
Man, you have the best job.
624
00:47:02,220 --> 00:47:06,460
You really should stay at the mall, you
know? Yeah? Yeah, you should.
625
00:47:58,640 --> 00:47:59,640
Yeah.
626
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:01,400
Fuck.
627
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:09,960
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
628
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:11,940
Yes. Yes.
629
00:48:12,540 --> 00:48:13,600
Yes. Yes.
630
00:48:34,090 --> 00:48:35,090
Fucking cock.
631
00:49:06,670 --> 00:49:10,870
Oh my God. Oh
632
00:49:10,870 --> 00:49:17,050
my
633
00:49:17,050 --> 00:49:20,410
God.
634
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,580
You're out of time.
635
00:50:02,100 --> 00:50:03,100
Get inside.
636
00:50:03,140 --> 00:50:04,140
Get inside.
637
00:50:07,540 --> 00:50:08,600
It's fucking me.
638
00:50:09,500 --> 00:50:10,500
Fuck you.
639
00:50:11,580 --> 00:50:13,540
Holy fuck.
640
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:16,520
You know what? I fucking love it.
641
00:50:35,500 --> 00:50:39,300
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh,
642
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:43,960
my God. Oh, my God.
643
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,140
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
644
00:50:50,980 --> 00:50:52,260
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
645
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:55,280
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
646
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:18,280
Come here. Yeah. Yeah.
647
00:53:02,570 --> 00:53:03,570
Now you can get dressed and go.
648
00:53:05,390 --> 00:53:06,390
Thank you.
649
00:53:08,110 --> 00:53:10,850
I'll be sure to shoplift here more
often.
650
00:53:16,790 --> 00:53:17,790
Don't forget these.
47516
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