Original subtitles

♪ Look up there ♪

♪ What do you see? ♪

♪ Nature and stuff ♪

-♪ Like a rock ♪ -♪ And a tree ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪

♪ Catch some fish ♪

♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪

♪ Wow ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪

♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪

♪ From longest night to longest day ♪

♪ In the Great North ♪

[all cheering]

And thus, keeping in mind the Prime Salmon Fishing Week's Moon's

Lil' Prepper's Lil' Sleepin' Away Camp,

Ham's Baking Seminar Croissanticon.

I'm gonna cosplay as an almond croissant.

Can you even imagine how flaky I'm gonna be?

-I cannot. -Wolf and Honeybee's trip to Fresno

for the Almond Festival.

I'm also gonna cosplay as an almond croissant.

Can you even imagine how flaky I'm gonna be?

I can't do that either.

And avoiding what Aunt Dirt refers to as horny season at

the Wooly Ma'am.

Which the rest of you just called July.

I, Judy Tobin, have figured out that we have

these seven days right here completely free to...

Uh, fanfare, please.

[imitates drum roll]

Finally, go to... Maple World!

-Oh, yeah! -Maple World!

For years, we've dreamed of visiting Winnipeg's finest

maple-syrup-themed amusement park,

home to the slowest log flume in North America.

Thank God we can finally put to rest the tragedy of six years ago,

when I planned the exact same vacation, but then your mother traded

our tickets for one jug of white wine at 3:00

in the morning behind Danky's.

Yes, not being able to go on that trip was, uh, formative.

Why?

[screams]

[all yell]

-You didn't actually die, Judy. -Part of me did.

But in just a few weeks, that wrong will be righted.

Judy, this is incredible. How can we thank you?

Here's how you can thank me. No one and I mean

none of you are to make any plans,

change any plans, or do anything at all

to mess up the schedule right here.

Because from June 7th to June 12th,

we are finally, as a whole family,

making our sticky syrupy dreams come true.

-And you're positive we can afford this? -Yes.

With your credit card points, Moon's Bar Mitzvah money,

and the discount I got by signing up for AARP under

the name Judith Old Woman, we can afford the tickets

and a stay at the Park Hotel.

Where the pillowcases are maple-scented.

And the bellhops dress like trees.

But did you all get the message?

-No messing up the schedule? -[all] Okay.

Now, since tomorrow is the last day of school,

I'm off to campaign for most talented in the junior superlatives.

Wow, a real vacation to Maple World.

This must be how the Kardashians felt on their most recent episode.

Yes, but let's just make sure none of you fall in

the sap pit like Khloe did.

It took her weeks to get her Good American Always Fit jeans clean.

[Honeybee] Well, well, well. If it isn't Harold the Hare.

Hello again, you wily little strand.

Why is it so satisfying to pluck this every time it grows back?

-Ooh, I love it. -And I love getting

literally any kind of attention, so this rips for me too.

[Honeybee] Ah, ooh, you know...

these caterpillars are getting bushy.

Just gonna pluck a little.

Okay, maybe that was too much.

I'll just fill them with my semi-permanent pencil and...

Oh, whoops. That, uh, um, uh...

Let me try plucking again.

-Uh, um... -What's wrong?

-Oh, nothing. -[screams]

Babe, I'm so sorry.

I see how angry you are, but I can--

-I'm not mad. -Right, right.

That's the eyebrows.

I do look pretty angry, but maybe I'll just hide out here

until they grow back and you can tell everyone I died.

Then they'll be so stoked when I show up again.

Or how about we just take you to the salon so they can fix it?

That also might work.

Oh, hey, Jason. Judy here.

I'm just going to see who you'll be voting for

for Most Talented in the Class Superlatives tomorrow.

[gasps] Stacey Bee, huh? Well, then.

May I remind you of the time we were lab partners and you were,

quote, "Afraid of the frog," But I bravely...

Hello? Jason? Hmm. Okay, I guess we got cut off.

-Who's next? -[Ham] Oh, God.

Oh, no. Oh, jeez.

[footsteps approaching]

Um, hello, Judy. I wondered if I might bend your ear for a moment?

Okay.

The thing is, Jude, can I call you Jude?

Spit it out, Ham. I'm busy blackmailing people for superlative votes.

So, you know how you and I usually have the same classes,

and you make that homework calendar

-and sync it to my phone? -Uh-huh.

But then this semester, we ended up taking

different electives and different math courses,

and, you know, you're in World History,

but I'm in American History, and, uh...

-Ham, I'm busy. -Well, because I was not glomming onto

your homework calendar, I sort of just realized

I haven't finished assignments for a bunch of my classes

and I'm gonna fail them, so I need your help

or I'll have to do summer school.

And when does summer school start, Ham?

June 7th.

-[gasps] -You know, the day

we're supposed to leave for...

Maple World.

♪ Maple World ♪

No!

-Whoa, what are we gonna do? -[yelping]

-Go get your homework, Ham. -Which one?

All of it!

Okay, so it has come to my attention that someone

who I cannot bring myself to look at right now...

I think it's me. Judy, is it me?

Ugh. This person is in serious danger of having

to do summer school,

which will destroy our Maple World dreams.

-So we're killing Ham. -God, I would love to, but, no.

We are going to help Ham so we don't have to kill him.

-I like my idea better. -Tomorrow is the last day of school,

projects are due, and Ham has apparently...

[laughs] been doing nothing for months.

That's not totally true. I finished a cake

at the Declaration of Independence.

Well, almost finished.

I'm still working on Georgia delegate Button Gwinnett's signature.

Enough talking, Hamuel. We are running out of time.

Now, here's the plan. Ham will create his gold prospector daily video diary

for history class.

He was supposed to make seven weeks' worth.

That's 49 videos.

If I think about that too much,

my brain will turn into worms and they will fall out of my nose.

-Neat. -Not neat.

Moon, you will finish Ham's P.E.

independent study in the pedestrian arts.

I'm talking walking.

He needs 30,000 more steps on this school-issued fitness tracker.

Hmm. What's in it for Moon?

Ugh! We get to go to Maple World!

Not enough. Here are my demands.

On the road trip there, no middle seat for me. Ever.

You sick...

-[bleep] -Fine.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Now! If Dad finds out that we're helping Ham cheat,

he will cancel the trip.

So, Dirt, we need you to distract our father.

Say no more. I'll keep the narc in the dark.

And I'll be coding the website for Ham's computer science class

right after I teach myself to code, I guess.

We have until tomorrow. It's on to make this happen, people.

So let's do it for Maple World.

Everyone say Ham sucks on three.

-One, two, three. -[all] Ham sucks.

Okay, the costume cauldron is right there.

-Have fun making 49 videos. -Thanks.

-You seem a lot less mad all of a sudden. -Oh, that?

Yeah, I'm faking it.

Anyway, off to teach myself JavaScript. [laughs]

I hate to leave my sweet wife Jerusha behind,

but the gold, she calls me.

I am now amply prepared for my surprise.

All right, Meat Pie, behold your treat.

[laughs] Does this mean what I think it means?

You're finally going to let me remove the asbestos from your bunker walls?

-Certainly you can't be serious. -Oh, I'm serious,

-and don't call me certainly. -[laughs]

Wow, crowded at the salon today.

I guess haircuts are here to stay.

This van is a bish to park.

How much longer will your car be in the shop?

A few more weeks? They said they're waiting on a part,

but I swear to God I saw the mechanic joyriding it around last week.

I should have confronted him, but instead I just waved.

-Come to papa. -[Honeybee] Hmm.

-Ha. -Classic Vera.

Oh, I'm sorry, Wolf. I didn't mean to upset you.

You take the spot.

Oh, my God. Wolf, she was scared of you.

-It's your eyebrows. -Huh.

Okay, brainstorm. What if we use the brows before we fix them?

Maybe get people to stop taking advantage of our kind natures.

-Right some wrongs? -Hmm, right.

I guess we are a little doormatty.

Remember when I found a pager in my baked potato at Maude's diner?

-I couldn't even send that back. -You took a bite of it.

I didn't want them to think I didn't like it.

Okay, let's take these uptown scary brows out on the town.

Focus, Moon. Focus. Just walk.

No stopping to have a staring contest with a squirrel.

Or to make a little pinecone army.

And then make a little rival pinecone army.

And then have them go to war.

And so on this day, we declare victory

not for ourselves,

no, but for our children and for our...

Oh, crap. I've only gotten 100 steps.

Everyone hold your positions. I'll be back.

Okay, learning to code

when I could be working on my superlatives campaign.

Ah, deep breath. And, dear coding forum,

I am an inexperienced teenage girl seeking advice

and... post.

-[chimes] -Oh, a response.

-[chiming] -Oh, God. Oh, no.

Why are there two of them?

And that looks like a bunch of grapes. Oh! [screams]

Ugh, asbestos? More like aswurstos.

[chuckles] They're gonna love that down at

the hazardous waste collection site in Ted's Folly.

I'm glad someone will.

Anyhow, that's the last of it.

You're done? Well, I really thought that would take longer. Uh...

Oh, no!

I spilled my loose nails and screws of all different sizes and shapes.

I guess I'll just put them all away in the same drawer.

No! Oh, please, let me organize them.

Okay, but only if you promise to tell me what each one

-is used for as you do it. -I agree to your terms.

[Moon] Okay, Bonnie, Delmar said I could borrow you for four hours,

so let's get to steppin'.

And fetch!

-Good girl! Okay, now bring it back. -[panting]

I said bring it back. Oh, no, oh, wait, no, no, no, no, Bonnie!

Hello, I have tried to cancel this gym membership many times,

but I just keep getting charged.

I am so sorry, sweetie, but if you need to go to

our flagship studio in Anchorage with two forms of ID. It's policy.

My exquisitely flexible hands are tied.

Oh, are they now?

[♪ dramatic music playing]

Oh, um, you know what? I can just delete your account.

And may I offer you anything from the lost and found?

Please just take something, anything! [chuckles nervously]

[all gasping]

Good, sir. The misprint of my driver's license must be fixed now.

My name is not Wolf Garbage Bin.

Oh, right away, Mr. Garbage Bin.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Still waiting on a part, Hans?

-My name isn't Hans. -It is now.

Here you go.

-Hmm. -Hmph. Mm-hmm.

No pager. I knew they could do it.

Okay, Ham, I made your dumb site.

-Where is he? -Oh, hey, Judy.

[yelps] What's going on? Where were you?

I was in the shed finishing the cake.

Finally cracked that Button Gwinnett signature.

Why is the cake in the shed?

[chuckles] Because it's ten feet long.

How many of the 49 videos are complete, Ham?

Three. Well, almost three.

Guys, I have good news and bad news.

Ugh, what now?

The bad news is Delmar's dog ran away with the step tracker.

The good news is she must be getting a lot of steps,

'cause I have no idea where she is.

[grunts]

Bonnie! Here, girl!

I can't believe we are now four hours into

my careful cheating scheme and the only things

that are done are the cake and the website, which I did myself!

And I still have a bunch of calls to make

so I can try to win most talented in the junior class superlatives!

If Stacy B wins

because she did that sexy Minion dance at homecoming,

I'm gonna rip my hair out!

Wait a minute, is that...

Dog tracks!

Oh, my cake!

-My window seat. -My Maple World.

[sighs]

-[farts] -[screams]

Okay, okay. So the dog actually did get us a lot of steps.

Maybe we can use my phone to make some prospector videos

while we're here. And, Ham, can you make a new cake by dawn?

Why bother? You can finally use the excuse that a dog ate your homework.

-No, the cake wasn't homework. -I'm sorry.

-What? -The cake.

It wasn't homework. I was just doing it for fun.

So let me get this straight.

Instead of doing your actual work today

so we can all go to Maple World,

you spent hours frosting a cake you were making for fun?

Um, uh...

And you did this while we were cheating our nuts off for you?

Excuse me, but who was cheating their nuts off for who?

[gasps] Dad, when did you... why... Why did you?

Dr. French called me to pick you up.

Okay, kids, Bonnie's gonna be fine.

Wonderful, wonderful, great news. But, while I have you,

may I inquire about having my brother Ham put to sleep?

Whoo! Those eyebrows are powerful.

Barkeep, a round of drinks for everyone.

So this is what it's like to not be a doormat.

You're looking at me? We got an issue, pal.

What? No, no, what?

What's your problem with me, man?

Hey, everybody, this guy's got a problem with Big Ray.

-No, no, that's just my face. -Oh, it's my fault.

-I tweezed his eyebrow. -Hey, hey, we don't want no trouble here.

Apologize to Big Ray.

Ray, you have my sincerest apologies.

Let's get 'em!

-[all exclaiming] -Get him, bring him to me.

-Where'd they go? -Maybe they turned into cars.

You know, like the Transformers.

Yeah, yeah. Let's go kick those cars.

Uh, should we have maybe run to the car instead?

We've never been chased out of a bar by an angry mob before.

-We didn't know. -You're right, you're right. Next time.

Okay, everyone up to your rooms.

Dad, no, don't get them in trouble.

-It was all my idea. -What? The hell it was!

Judy, I am trying to get you off the hook.

No, no. I came up with the cheating plan

and I should get the credit. Just like I came up with the plan

to go to Maple World and to pay for Maple World.

-Judy, cheating is always... -Oh, don't you lecture me, Dad.

With your big, dumb beard and your stupid shirt.

-Hey. -You want to go

to Maple World as much as

the rest of us, and you know it.

And the only way we can get Ham out of summer school

is by cheating our ever-loving boobs off.

And I know that because I actually put in the work.

-Judy, calm down. -Oh, no! No!

And it's not like planning this trip is the only thing

I've done for everyone lately!

But you're all so used to me doing everything around here,

you just act like things magically happen!

Like packing your lunch for the boat, Dad!

Because you were just bringing a 24-pack of fruit roll-ups every day!

It's fruit!

It is not fruit, and I haven't even had time to campaign for most talented

in the junior superlatives today,

so the only thing I'm gonna get voted

is Biggest Dumbass in Town for expecting any of you nards

to pull your own weight.

Judy, Ham can just stay home from the trip.

Nuh-uh. There are seven seats on each log

on the MapleStream log ride, and I don't want a stranger in the picture

they take on the hill. I want Ham,

even though I hate him so much right now.

God, I worked so hard to make this all happen, and now it's ruined.

So actually, why don't all of you go to your rooms

and think about what you did, and I'm going to go buy

a pack of cigarettes and start smoking.

No, I'm not really going to do that, but it's the only

thing I can think of right now, so just,

just, just, just leave me alone. [groans]

[door closes]

-Dad, am I allowed to start smoking, too? -Sure, son.

Okay, I think the coast is clear.

-[meows] -Hold on.

-Who's this? -Aw.

Oh, it has a tag. Dr. Whiskers.

A little on the nose, but okay.

-Oh, good, there's an address. -Well, then,

let's get you home, Dr. Whiskers.

Do you think Dr. Whiskers is a real doctor?

Or just a PhD?

[doorbell rings]

Hello, can I help you?

We have your cat.

[screams]

She said we kidnapped her cat? We were returning it!

Wolf, could you please lower your voice?

You're being very confrontational.

-I haven't said anything. -Oh.

Edna, This is all a misunderstanding.

I just overplucked Wolf's eyebrows.

Wait a minute.

I've gotten a lot of calls today about an angry man threatening people.

[laughs] Now it makes sense.

-Oh, God. Am I going to jail? -No.

But I am sentencing your eyebrows to death.

No! Okay, sounds good.

[Ham] You can save the lecture, Dad.

I know I really bonked the buffalo on this one.

You did. But we kind of all did.

Judy has been stepping up and taking care of things that

are not her responsibility.

But we are all going to Maple World

from June 7th to June 12th.

-How? -We're going to follow

your very smart sister's

as always perfect plan.

And get her her maple dream.

It's time to cheat our ever-loving boobs off.

Okay, while Judy stews in her room overnight,

we are going to cobble together Ham's final projects.

No idea what's been going on around here, but we're obviously all in.

Ham, Honeybee and Wolf will help you finish your video diary.

-I'll get the step tracker. -We're up to its required number.

Moon and Dirt, you will be working on the other project

that Ham just remembered he hadn't finished.

Sorry.

A diorama of a muskrat habitat.

-I can do that in my sleep. -Okay, but don't.

No rest for anyone till every task is done.

-Can I ask one question? -Shoot.

Who the hell is this smooth-faced freak?

Come on, I've told you this story like eight times.

♪ Cheating those ever-loving boobs off ♪

Boy, howdy! Alasky is much colder than

this old prospector thought.

-Cut. -♪ Cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat ♪

And action.

♪ We're cheating our ever-loving boobs off ♪

The black leg! She got me! Jerusha, I love...

I love gold.

-[gasps] -Chills.

Three a.m. Not bad.

This is good enough for an actual muskrat to live in.

Video diary is edited, mixed, and color corrected.

And I only have about... Oh, wait,

I'm actually over by 52 steps.

But I'm gonna keep going. I'd like to get to a round number.

Thanks, guys.

Go get some rest, everyone.

I'll be up for a little while longer.

I've actually got one thing left I'd like to do.

[school bell ringing]

[yawns]

Congratulations, Bethany.

You truly are most likely to secretly live at the school.

That's because I do secretly live at the school.

[laughs] Legally, I have to pretend that's a joke.

And finally, our last superlative for most talented.

In an unprecedented, unanimous vote,

the winner is Judy Tobin.

-Wait, what? Really? -Really.

You even got a vote from a student who doesn't go here,

Button Gwinnett.

[gasps] Button Gwinnett?

Ham, did you...

Yep. I swapped out all the votes in the ballot bowl

while Gibbons was at teacher band practice.

I'm sure you would have won anyways,

but you deserve to have someone

go out of their way to cheat for you.

♪ Maple World ♪

Wow, this ride is slower than the log flume at Molasses World.

-So slow, I love it. -We're almost to the drop.

Yes, that's where they snap our picture.

Everyone remember the expressions I had you practice?

-Scared. -Startled.

-Happy. -Regular.

-Ham. -No eyebrows.

We're going to nail this. Okay, on three.

One, two, three.

Four, five.

Geez, this thing really is slow. Ah, here we go.

[all yelping]

[♪ upbeat music playing]