All language subtitles for The.Great.North.S05E20.1080p.WEB.h264-EDITH_track3_[eng]

♪ Look up there ♪

♪ What do you see? ♪

♪ Nature and stuff ♪

-♪ Like a rock ♪
-♪ And a tree ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Way up here,
you can breathe the air ♪

♪ Catch some fish ♪

♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪

♪ Wow ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪

♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪

♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪

♪ In the Great North ♪

[all cheering]

And thus, keeping in mind the
Prime Salmon Fishing Week's Moon's

Lil' Prepper's Lil' Sleepin'
Away Camp,

Ham's Baking Seminar
Croissanticon.

I'm gonna cosplay
as an almond croissant.

Can you even imagine how flaky
I'm gonna be?

-I cannot.
-Wolf and Honeybee's trip to Fresno

for the Almond Festival.

I'm also gonna cosplay
as an almond croissant.

Can you even imagine how flaky
I'm gonna be?

I can't do that either.

And avoiding what Aunt Dirt
refers to as horny season at

the Wooly Ma'am.

Which the rest of you just
called July.

I, Judy Tobin, have
figured out that we have

these seven days right here
completely free to...

Uh, fanfare, please.

[imitates drum roll]

Finally, go to... Maple World!

-Oh, yeah!
-Maple World!

For years, we've dreamed
of visiting Winnipeg's finest

maple-syrup-themed
amusement park,

home to the slowest log flume
in North America.

Thank God we can finally
put to rest the tragedy of six years ago,

when I planned the exact same vacation,
but then your mother traded

our tickets for one jug
of white wine at 3:00

in the morning behind Danky's.

Yes, not being able to go on
that trip was, uh, formative.

Why?

[screams]

[all yell]

-You didn't actually die, Judy.
-Part of me did.

But in just a few weeks,
that wrong will be righted.

Judy, this is incredible.
How can we thank you?

Here's how you can thank me.
No one and I mean

none of you are
to make any plans,

change any plans,
or do anything at all

to mess up the schedule
right here.

Because from June 7th
to June 12th,

we are finally,
as a whole family,

making our sticky syrupy
dreams come true.

-And you're positive we can afford this?
-Yes.

With your credit card points,
Moon's Bar Mitzvah money,

and the discount I got by
signing up for AARP under

the name Judith Old Woman,
we can afford the tickets

and a stay at the Park Hotel.

Where the pillowcases
are maple-scented.

And the bellhops dress
like trees.

But did you all get
the message?

-No messing up the schedule?
-[all] Okay.

Now, since tomorrow is
the last day of school,

I'm off to campaign for most talented
in the junior superlatives.

Wow, a real vacation
to Maple World.

This must be how the Kardashians felt
on their most recent episode.

Yes, but let's just make sure
none of you fall in

the sap pit like Khloe did.

It took her weeks to get her Good American
Always Fit jeans clean.

[Honeybee] Well, well, well.
If it isn't Harold the Hare.

Hello again, you wily
little strand.

Why is it so satisfying to pluck this
every time it grows back?

-Ooh, I love it.
-And I love getting

literally any kind of attention,
so this rips for me too.

[Honeybee]
Ah, ooh, you know...

these caterpillars
are getting bushy.

Just gonna pluck a little.

Okay, maybe that was too much.

I'll just fill them with my semi-permanent
pencil and...

Oh, whoops.
That, uh, um, uh...

Let me try plucking again.

-Uh, um...
-What's wrong?

-Oh, nothing.
-[screams]

Babe, I'm so sorry.

I see how angry you are,
but I can--

-I'm not mad.
-Right, right.

That's the eyebrows.

I do look pretty angry, but maybe
I'll just hide out here

until they grow back and you can tell
everyone I died.

Then they'll be so stoked
when I show up again.

Or how about we just take you
to the salon so they can fix it?

That also might work.

Oh, hey, Jason. Judy here.

I'm just going to see who
you'll be voting for

for Most Talented in the Class
Superlatives tomorrow.

[gasps] Stacey Bee, huh?
Well, then.

May I remind you of the time we were
lab partners and you were,

quote, "Afraid of the frog,"
But I bravely...

Hello? Jason? Hmm.
Okay, I guess we got cut off.

-Who's next?
-[Ham] Oh, God.

Oh, no. Oh, jeez.

[footsteps approaching]

Um, hello, Judy. I wondered if
I might bend your ear for a moment?

Okay.

The thing is, Jude,
can I call you Jude?

Spit it out, Ham. I'm busy blackmailing
people for superlative votes.

So, you know how you and I
usually have the same classes,

and you make that
homework calendar

-and sync it to my phone?
-Uh-huh.

But then this semester,
we ended up taking

different electives
and different math courses,

and, you know,
you're in World History,

but I'm in American History,
and, uh...

-Ham, I'm busy.
-Well, because I was not glomming onto

your homework calendar,
I sort of just realized

I haven't finished assignments
for a bunch of my classes

and I'm gonna fail them,
so I need your help

or I'll have to do
summer school.

And when does summer school
start, Ham?

June 7th.

-[gasps]
-You know, the day

we're supposed to leave for...

Maple World.

♪ Maple World ♪

No!

-Whoa, what are we gonna do?
-[yelping]

-Go get your homework, Ham.
-Which one?

All of it!

Okay, so it has come
to my attention that someone

who I cannot bring myself
to look at right now...

I think it's me.
Judy, is it me?

Ugh. This person is in
serious danger of having

to do summer school,

which will destroy
our Maple World dreams.

-So we're killing Ham.
-God, I would love to, but, no.

We are going to help Ham
so we don't have to kill him.

-I like my idea better.
-Tomorrow is the last day of school,

projects are due,
and Ham has apparently...

[laughs] been doing nothing
for months.

That's not totally true.
I finished a cake

at the Declaration
of Independence.

Well, almost finished.

I'm still working on Georgia delegate
Button Gwinnett's signature.

Enough talking, Hamuel.
We are running out of time.

Now, here's the plan. Ham will create
his gold prospector daily video diary

for history class.

He was supposed to make
seven weeks' worth.

That's 49 videos.

If I think about that
too much,

my brain will turn into worms
and they will fall out of my nose.

-Neat.
-Not neat.

Moon, you will finish
Ham's P.E.

independent study
in the pedestrian arts.

I'm talking walking.

He needs 30,000 more steps
on this school-issued fitness tracker.

Hmm. What's in it for Moon?

Ugh! We get to go
to Maple World!

Not enough.
Here are my demands.

On the road trip there,
no middle seat for me. Ever.

You sick...

-[bleep]
-Fine.

Pleasure doing business
with you.

Now! If Dad finds out
that we're helping Ham cheat,

he will cancel the trip.

So, Dirt, we need you
to distract our father.

Say no more.
I'll keep the narc in the dark.

And I'll be coding the website
for Ham's computer science class

right after I teach myself
to code, I guess.

We have until tomorrow.
It's on to make this happen, people.

So let's do it
for Maple World.

Everyone say Ham sucks
on three.

-One, two, three.
-[all] Ham sucks.

Okay, the costume cauldron
is right there.

-Have fun making 49 videos.
-Thanks.

-You seem a lot less mad all of a sudden.
-Oh, that?

Yeah, I'm faking it.

Anyway, off to teach myself
JavaScript. [laughs]

I hate to leave my sweet wife
Jerusha behind,

but the gold, she calls me.

I am now amply prepared
for my surprise.

All right, Meat Pie,
behold your treat.

[laughs] Does this mean
what I think it means?

You're finally going to let me remove
the asbestos from your bunker walls?

-Certainly you can't be serious.
-Oh, I'm serious,

-and don't call me certainly.
-[laughs]

Wow, crowded at
the salon today.

I guess haircuts are here
to stay.

This van is a bish to park.

How much longer will your car
be in the shop?

A few more weeks? They said they're
waiting on a part,

but I swear to God I saw the mechanic
joyriding it around last week.

I should have confronted him,
but instead I just waved.

-Come to papa.
-[Honeybee] Hmm.

-Ha.
-Classic Vera.

Oh, I'm sorry, Wolf.
I didn't mean to upset you.

You take the spot.

Oh, my God.
Wolf, she was scared of you.

-It's your eyebrows.
-Huh.

Okay, brainstorm. What if we use the brows
before we fix them?

Maybe get people to stop taking advantage
of our kind natures.

-Right some wrongs?
-Hmm, right.

I guess we are
a little doormatty.

Remember when I found a pager
in my baked potato at Maude's diner?

-I couldn't even send that back.
-You took a bite of it.

I didn't want them to think
I didn't like it.

Okay, let's take these uptown scary
brows out on the town.

Focus, Moon. Focus. Just walk.

No stopping to have a staring
contest with a squirrel.

Or to make a little
pinecone army.

And then make a little rival
pinecone army.

And then have them go to war.

And so on this day,
we declare victory

not for ourselves,

no, but for our children
and for our...

Oh, crap.
I've only gotten 100 steps.

Everyone hold your positions.
I'll be back.

Okay, learning to code

when I could be working on
my superlatives campaign.

Ah, deep breath.
And, dear coding forum,

I am an inexperienced
teenage girl seeking advice

and... post.

-[chimes]
-Oh, a response.

-[chiming]
-Oh, God. Oh, no.

Why are there two of them?

And that looks like
a bunch of grapes. Oh! [screams]

Ugh, asbestos?
More like aswurstos.

[chuckles] They're gonna love
that down at

the hazardous waste collection site
in Ted's Folly.

I'm glad someone will.

Anyhow,
that's the last of it.

You're done? Well, I really thought
that would take longer. Uh...

Oh, no!

I spilled my loose nails and screws of all
different sizes and shapes.

I guess I'll just put them
all away in the same drawer.

No! Oh, please,
let me organize them.

Okay, but only if you promise
to tell me what each one

-is used for as you do it.
-I agree to your terms.

[Moon] Okay, Bonnie, Delmar said I
could borrow you for four hours,

so let's get to steppin'.

And fetch!

-Good girl! Okay, now bring it back.
-[panting]

I said bring it back. Oh, no, oh, wait,
no, no, no, no, Bonnie!

Hello, I have tried to cancel this gym
membership many times,

but I just keep getting
charged.

I am so sorry, sweetie,
but if you need to go to

our flagship studio in Anchorage with
two forms of ID. It's policy.

My exquisitely flexible hands
are tied.

Oh, are they now?

[♪ dramatic music playing]

Oh, um, you know what?
I can just delete your account.

And may I offer you anything
from the lost and found?

Please just take something,
anything! [chuckles nervously]

[all gasping]

Good, sir. The misprint of my driver's
license must be fixed now.

My name is not
Wolf Garbage Bin.

Oh, right away,
Mr. Garbage Bin.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Still waiting on a part, Hans?

-My name isn't Hans.
-It is now.

Here you go.

-Hmm.
-Hmph. Mm-hmm.

No pager.
I knew they could do it.

Okay, Ham,
I made your dumb site.

-Where is he?
-Oh, hey, Judy.

[yelps] What's going on?
Where were you?

I was in the shed finishing
the cake.

Finally cracked that
Button Gwinnett signature.

Why is the cake in the shed?

[chuckles] Because
it's ten feet long.

How many of the 49 videos
are complete, Ham?

Three.
Well, almost three.

Guys, I have good news
and bad news.

Ugh, what now?

The bad news is Delmar's dog
ran away with the step tracker.

The good news is she must be
getting a lot of steps,

'cause I have no idea
where she is.

[grunts]

Bonnie! Here, girl!

I can't believe we are now
four hours into

my careful cheating scheme
and the only things

that are done are the cake
and the website, which I did myself!

And I still have a bunch
of calls to make

so I can try to win most
talented in the junior class superlatives!

If Stacy B wins

because she did that sexy
Minion dance at homecoming,

I'm gonna rip my hair out!

Wait a minute, is that...

Dog tracks!

Oh, my cake!

-My window seat.
-My Maple World.

[sighs]

-[farts]
-[screams]

Okay, okay. So the dog
actually did get us a lot of steps.

Maybe we can use my phone
to make some prospector videos

while we're here. And, Ham, can you
make a new cake by dawn?

Why bother? You can finally use the
excuse that a dog ate your homework.

-No, the cake wasn't homework.
-I'm sorry.

-What?
-The cake.

It wasn't homework.
I was just doing it for fun.

So let me get this straight.

Instead of doing
your actual work today

so we can all go
to Maple World,

you spent hours frosting
a cake you were making for fun?

Um, uh...

And you did this while we were cheating
our nuts off for you?

Excuse me, but who was
cheating their nuts off for who?

[gasps] Dad, when did you...
why... Why did you?

Dr. French called me
to pick you up.

Okay, kids, Bonnie's
gonna be fine.

Wonderful, wonderful, great news.
But, while I have you,

may I inquire about having
my brother Ham put to sleep?

Whoo! Those eyebrows
are powerful.

Barkeep, a round of drinks
for everyone.

So this is what it's like
to not be a doormat.

You're looking at me?
We got an issue, pal.

What? No, no, what?

What's your problem with me,
man?

Hey, everybody, this guy's got
a problem with Big Ray.

-No, no, that's just my face.
-Oh, it's my fault.

-I tweezed his eyebrow.
-Hey, hey, we don't want no trouble here.

Apologize to Big Ray.

Ray, you have
my sincerest apologies.

Let's get 'em!

-[all exclaiming]
-Get him, bring him to me.

-Where'd they go?
-Maybe they turned into cars.

You know, like
the Transformers.

Yeah, yeah.
Let's go kick those cars.

Uh, should we have maybe
run to the car instead?

We've never been chased out
of a bar by an angry mob before.

-We didn't know.
-You're right, you're right. Next time.

Okay, everyone up
to your rooms.

Dad, no, don't get them
in trouble.

-It was all my idea.
-What? The hell it was!

Judy, I am trying to get you
off the hook.

No, no. I came up with
the cheating plan

and I should get the credit.
Just like I came up with the plan

to go to Maple World
and to pay for Maple World.

-Judy, cheating is always...
-Oh, don't you lecture me, Dad.

With your big, dumb beard
and your stupid shirt.

-Hey.
-You want to go

to Maple World
as much as

the rest of us,
and you know it.

And the only way we can get
Ham out of summer school

is by cheating
our ever-loving boobs off.

And I know that because
I actually put in the work.

-Judy, calm down.
-Oh, no! No!

And it's not like planning
this trip is the only thing

I've done for everyone lately!

But you're all so used to me
doing everything around here,

you just act like things
magically happen!

Like packing your lunch
for the boat, Dad!

Because you were just bringing
a 24-pack of fruit roll-ups every day!

It's fruit!

It is not fruit, and I haven't even had
time to campaign for most talented

in the junior superlatives
today,

so the only thing
I'm gonna get voted

is Biggest Dumbass in Town
for expecting any of you nards

to pull your own weight.

Judy, Ham can just stay home
from the trip.

Nuh-uh. There are seven seats
on each log

on the MapleStream log ride, and
I don't want a stranger in the picture

they take on the hill.
I want Ham,

even though
I hate him so much right now.

God, I worked so hard to make
this all happen, and now it's ruined.

So actually, why don't all
of you go to your rooms

and think about what you did,
and I'm going to go buy

a pack of cigarettes
and start smoking.

No, I'm not really going
to do that, but it's the only

thing I can think
of right now, so just,

just, just,
just leave me alone. [groans]

[door closes]

-Dad, am I allowed to start smoking, too?
-Sure, son.

Okay, I think the coast
is clear.

-[meows]
-Hold on.

-Who's this?
-Aw.

Oh, it has a tag.
Dr. Whiskers.

A little on the nose,
but okay.

-Oh, good, there's an address.
-Well, then,

let's get you home, Dr. Whiskers.

Do you think Dr. Whiskers
is a real doctor?

Or just a PhD?

[doorbell rings]

Hello, can I help you?

We have your cat.

[screams]

She said we kidnapped her cat?
We were returning it!

Wolf, could you please lower
your voice?

You're being very
confrontational.

-I haven't said anything.
-Oh.

Edna, This is all
a misunderstanding.

I just overplucked
Wolf's eyebrows.

Wait a minute.

I've gotten a lot of calls today about an
angry man threatening people.

[laughs] Now it makes sense.

-Oh, God. Am I going to jail?
-No.

But I am sentencing
your eyebrows to death.

No! Okay, sounds good.

[Ham]
You can save the lecture, Dad.

I know I really bonked
the buffalo on this one.

You did.
But we kind of all did.

Judy has been stepping up
and taking care of things that

are not her responsibility.

But we are all going
to Maple World

from June 7th
to June 12th.

-How?
-We're going to follow

your very smart sister's

as always perfect plan.

And get her her maple dream.

It's time to cheat
our ever-loving boobs off.

Okay, while Judy stews
in her room overnight,

we are going to cobble
together Ham's final projects.

No idea what's been going on around here,
but we're obviously all in.

Ham, Honeybee and Wolf
will help you finish your video diary.

-I'll get the step tracker.
-We're up to its required number.

Moon and Dirt, you will be working on
the other project

that Ham just remembered
he hadn't finished.

Sorry.

A diorama of a muskrat
habitat.

-I can do that in my sleep.
-Okay, but don't.

No rest for anyone till
every task is done.

-Can I ask one question?
-Shoot.

Who the hell
is this smooth-faced freak?

Come on, I've told you
this story like eight times.

♪ Cheating those ever-loving
boobs off ♪

Boy, howdy!
Alasky is much colder than

this old prospector thought.

-Cut.
-♪ Cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat ♪

And action.

♪ We're cheating
our ever-loving boobs off ♪

The black leg! She got me!
Jerusha, I love...

I love gold.

-[gasps]
-Chills.

Three a.m. Not bad.

This is good enough for an actual
muskrat to live in.

Video diary is edited, mixed,
and color corrected.

And I only have about...
Oh, wait,

I'm actually over by 52 steps.

But I'm gonna keep going.
I'd like to get to a round number.

Thanks, guys.

Go get some rest, everyone.

I'll be up for a little
while longer.

I've actually got
one thing left I'd like to do.

[school bell ringing]

[yawns]

Congratulations, Bethany.

You truly are most likely
to secretly live at the school.

That's because I do
secretly live at the school.

[laughs] Legally, I have
to pretend that's a joke.

And finally, our last
superlative for most talented.

In an unprecedented,
unanimous vote,

the winner is Judy Tobin.

-Wait, what? Really?
-Really.

You even got a vote from a student
who doesn't go here,

Button Gwinnett.

[gasps] Button Gwinnett?

Ham, did you...

Yep. I swapped out all the votes in
the ballot bowl

while Gibbons was at teacher
band practice.

I'm sure you would have won
anyways,

but you deserve
to have someone

go out of their way to cheat
for you.

♪ Maple World ♪

Wow, this ride is slower than the
log flume at Molasses World.

-So slow, I love it.
-We're almost to the drop.

Yes, that's where they snap
our picture.

Everyone remember the expressions
I had you practice?

-Scared.
-Startled.

-Happy.
-Regular.

-Ham.
-No eyebrows.

We're going to nail this.
Okay, on three.

One, two, three.

Four, five.

Geez, this thing really
is slow. Ah, here we go.

[all yelping]

[♪ upbeat music playing]