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I don't know why we had to come tonight.
The big game is on. I'm starting to think you used the big game is on as an
excuse when you don't want to do something. That's not true.
Oh, hi.
You invited us for dinner.
Are we too early? Oh, Lillian, I'm so sorry.
I forgot that was today.
I must have messed up the date.
Hey,
hey, sorry for the misunderstanding.
But, um, we, we, uh, we're watching a big game.
You don't get to use a big game excuse. I use a big game excuse. So it was an
excuse. Lillian, stop being petty.
Cliff, I think we're going to stay.
Bill. My dad may not have wanted to be there, but he wanted to be wanted to be
there. All right, well, if you really must know, I already have company.
Important company. More important than the friends you've had for 30 years that
you invited over tonight.
Well, I'm glad you understand, Bill.
No, well, come here.
Yep.
I brought your favorite rum cake.
Is that the cake you always make for my birthday?
Mm -hmm.
Come on in.
I'm so glad you're here, Bill. I want to tell you about my new friend.
This is for the big game.
Williams, our neighbors. And our best friend.
Ladies drop by for dessert.
This is my frat brother, Terrence.
Are you a different fraternity? The first.
Well, they can't all be perfect like us.
I know that.
Terrence is a real estate agent and he has a home for sale in Eastdale. And
well... He's looking for the perfect black family to be the first one to move
in. Yeah, we're looking for folks with impeccable credentials and the right
attitude. So, wait a minute. You all are thinking about moving all the way to
the other side of town.
It's a great opportunity.
Now, ever since that Housing Act passed last year, they can't discriminate
anymore. But that's just in housing.
Don't go trying to buy a horse. That system is still racist as hell, okay?
We'll have access to nicer homes, better schools, and city services.
And someday even Starbucks.
And Chipotle. Are you seriously thinking about this, Cliff?
Listen, me and Vivian will be the Jackie Robinson and Rosa Parks of housing in
Montgomery.
Can I be the Coretta Scott King of housing?
Mrs. King was way more stylish than Mrs. Parks.
You just don't like riding the bus. Oh, that's true.
I told Cliff, I said, can you put a sign on the thermostat that says it's
broken? Because those white folks are going to freeze us out. Did I just hear
you correctly? Are you actually Cliff's boss down at the Treasury Department?
Well, I wouldn't say boss. I head the department, but I think we all work
together as a team.
We associate ourselves with all sorts of important people.
Did we tell you that Bill spent the summer in New York writing for Marvin
What? I must say, I am impressed, Bill. Wow. Bill is very impressive. Now, after
we do our groundbreaking move into our home, you can sell him one. Or maybe I
can sell him one right now.
I can't wait to tell my mama.
What's happening, Cleo? I mean, because I'm just thinking about it right now as
I'm sitting here with you.
Bill is a professor. His wife runs a department for the state.
son is a decorated war veteran, and their youngest son plays Little League
baseball. I mean, that's more American than most white people.
I think you guys would be the perfect family to integrate a neighborhood.
I mean, it would be best for all of us, obviously, if we were interested in
moving next to white folks, but we're not.
Terrence, I told you, I coach Little League. There's nothing more American
that. That's true. And we just think that.
The boy's not good.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause a controversy between y 'all.
You are both outstanding families, credit to our community and our people.
be mad, Cliff.
I'm not mad, Bill.
I should have never let you in the house.
I did it to myself.
Well, we have no intention of moving anywhere, so get your lip up off the
You look like I tagged you out in third base, like I did many, many times in
high school.
Do it right now. Do it right now, Bill. Come on. Get the ball. Oh, I'm going to
go get the ball. I'm going to go get the ball. Bill wants me to go get the ball.
I'm going to go get the ball. No, no, no, no, no.
You sit right there. You sit right there. Cliff!
Well, I'm just saying we shouldn't just tell him no without looking into it. Why
waste a man's time?
Besides, ain't nothing wrong with this house.
Our car can't pull through the carport. The back of the house is always free. We
just gave the attic over to a family of raccoons. The raccoons keep the frogs
away. We have frogs?
Not anymore.
Look, Bill.
I don't see anything wrong with us finding out the particulars. We could
a bigger house that would allow Dean to go to a really good high school. Hmm, I
guess I missed out on a really good high school, huh?
You want to finish up at St. Ann's with those ugly uniforms and no boys? Never.
Well, Dad, you always tell us to support black businesses, and Terrence is a
black real estate agent. I'm not sure I'd even heard of real estate agents
before, but I had a bigger point. Oh, and our new house will be walking
from my junior high, and right around the corner from Brad's. It'll be so
What's wrong with your friends on this street?
Suddenly your white friends are cooler.
You know I am fundamentally against assimilation.
But if our new house had a rec room big enough for me to hold meetings to fight
in, then let's move. You're not fooling anybody, Kim. You just want a bigger
closet. Well, that's going to be true.
I can't believe you might be moving soon.
Well, I mean, someone's got to lead racial progress in Montgomery.
And why not me? You know.
If you move closer to my house, we could walk home from school together, walk to
favorite shows together, even the ones that come on at 10 o 'clock by Mission
Impossible because, well, you can walk home afterward.
Well, I won't come at all.
If you guys are going to be neighbors, why don't you just sleep over?
Now, Keith knew damn well why we didn't ask sleepovers. Black and white folks
had only been eating in the same restaurants for a couple of years. We
ready to stay in each other's houses, but I could always count on my friend
to be clueless. You know what?
I have to wait until you move.
You can have a sleepover at my house this weekend.
Well, I mean... My mom's right there. Let's go ask.
Thank you. Yeah, this was uncomfortable.
But if that's what being on the cutting edge of racial progress felt like, I
guess I'd have to get used to it. Mom, hey, can Dean come over for a sleepover
this weekend?
Well, uh, Brad, of course it's okay with me, but, um, it's really up to Mrs.
Williams.
Um, Mom?
Well, I think a sleepover is a fine idea, but we would have to
ask your dad about it first, and then if he agrees, we'll call up Mrs. Hittman
and make arrangements.
And this discomfort is how the current racial makeup of the Democratic Party
began.
Other things are different at white people's houses.
You know they don't use washcloths in the shower?
Oh, it's okay. I don't plan on taking any showers this weekend.
They also don't season their food.
Everything is blamed.
Well, I bet they'll make you watch corny TV shows like Hee Haw and the Beverly
Hillbillies. I hope so. That Jephthah character is hilarious.
He might as well be white.
Unfortunately, it was neither the first nor last time I would hear that.
No matter how much of the expensive scotch I drink, I'm still not
Okay, okay.
But you just keep drinking. I got another bottle to help change your mind.
Look, Professor, all I'm asking is for you to look at the house one time. Just
one time. I only took this meeting to prove to my wife that I'm open -minded.
So when I finish this, I'm gone. Okay. But before you go, I was hoping you
check out this map of our dear old Montgomery.
Dates back pre -war.
Shows where all the plantations are.
Yep. I thought that'd be of interest to a race man like yourself.
You buy that house, you take him back to land. Our forefather slaved over,
Professor. That's a really strong move.
They do owe me about 40 acres and a mule.
You made your point.
I guess I do owe it to myself to at least look at this house you're talking
about. You won't regret it. You won't regret it, Professor. I promise you, you
won't. Tell me, what were you going to do if your music didn't work?
Well, there may or may not be a mule tied up our back.
Mom? Dad?
Do you remember my friend Dean?
We're very happy to have you in our home.
Thanks.
Welcome, Dean.
We just want you to know that Herb and I are so happy that you and Brad are
friends. You are welcome in our home anytime.
It shouldn't have taken this long.
Okay, well, why don't you boys go get washed up for dinner?
Okay, this way.
Hmm, you look kind of like my house.
Nerd.
Evil older sister?
You look just like my house.
Brad, too much.
In this house, everyone is equal.
We believe in equality.
Hey.
Hey, that haunted house movie is about to come on. Oh, so is Adam -12.
But... Brad, you chose the board game. Adam -12 it is.
Everyone here gets an equal opportunity.
Dean, I see that Brad still has some Kool -Aid, but you're all done with
Would you like some more?
And if you don't like red, we also have grape and lemon lime.
Um, we have all the colors here.
Well, red's my favorite.
Bless Mrs. Hitman's heart. Giving me reparations in the form of unlimited
-Aid? And being I was only 13, that was just fine with me.
Okay, boys, it's time to sleep.
Yeah. Who still gets sugar from his mommy?
I was up early the next morning because I didn't sleep very well. It was the
start of an obsession I would pursue for years.
Older women.
Good morning, Dean.
Good morning, Mrs. Hitman. Can I help you with breakfast?
Oh, it's almost ready.
I hope you like oatmeal.
Who doesn't? It smells delicious.
Man, talk about having your nose wide open. Never really noticed it had the
smell.
Can I stop you now?
Dean's sticky feet.
Good morning, honey. Hi.
What are you doing? Oh, I'm just smelling your mom's perfume.
Smells amazing.
Aw, Dean.
You know, you have always been the most polite out of all of Brad's friends.
Hey, honey, go grab some raisins for Dean's oatmeal.
Raisins are my favorite. Oh, the lies, the lies.
Oh, Mrs. Hittman, she knew what she was doing.
Tremendous curb appeal, wouldn't you say, Professor?
Uh -oh.
Seeing those tight, hateful faces was like waving a red cape in front of Kim.
Let's buy it.
This is the perfect spot for me to start a new chapter of the Black Panthers.
Oh, speaking of target practice with our machine guns, right here in the front
yard.
Kim, they deserve it.
Yeah, young Angela Davis here is right.
If we're lucky.
They won't be here for very long. Folks that don't get along with us are a dying
breed. What if they don't die? Dean has a point.
We all know everyone's not going to welcome us. That's why it's important to
find families like yourself who are brave enough to do this work. See,
integration is a battle that must be fought with blood, sweat, and low
rates.
Come on, soldiers. I think you're going to like your new barracks.
Bill, come on. This is a perfect family home. Am I right?
It is one heck of a house. You can't beat the price. That's right.
Hi, welcome to the open house. I'm Terrence Raymond of Davidson Raymond
Estate. Kim is going dibs on the front bedroom because it has the bigger
You don't even need a closet. Don't you only have, like, three shirts?
Hello, welcome to the open house. I'm Terrence Raymond of Davidson...
we live across the street.
The whole neighborhood's been dying to see what this house looks like on the
inside. Old Lady Wiswall lived here for years, and she never had anyone visit.
Is that the original crown molding? You know, I believe it is. Why don't you go
check it out?
Cliff.
What are you doing here?
You're not the only one that can come to an open house.
That's why they call it an open house.
We just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
And also show everyone that we are the better family.
You think you're better than us?
Come here, D.
Come on, son.
Live.
How old is your son?
13. Mine is 13, too.
All A's, this one.
Who needs all A's when your son's going to play major in baseball?
You know what my wife, Lillian, did come with a master's degree and I love about
that living room? That there's space for a piano.
Everyone in my family plays an instrument. We're all very talented.
Very. Don't y 'all like to practice loud?
And late at night?
Kim, go stand over there by the short and long family. We could raise the
average height in this community significantly.
He's got you there.
Okay, Bill, now that's enough. Let these people look at the house.
No, it's okay. It's okay. We're going to go outside so I can see where I'm going
to set up my smoker.
Come on, y 'all. And the whole neighborhood is invited to taste my
barbecue.
I apologize, Terrence.
I don't usually get worked up like that, but Cliff has a way of getting under my
skin. Folks around here have never paid attention to a family like yours. They
were impressed.
That's progress.
Y 'all doing the work already.
Look at that.
Terrence is right, Bill.
Moving into this house is a real opportunity to change stereotypes about
people. And I get a walk -in closet.
It's definitely something to think about.
And it will give some of the white folks around here good shock.
Yes, fight the power.
As long as I get a walk -in closet.
Dean! Stop staring at the hit in his window. Let's go.
So, how was the sleepover at Brad's house?
Did George Wallace show up to black his front door? The governor didn't show up
and everything was fine.
Just like a regular people's family.
What'd you guys do?
Well, you know, the usual.
Watched TV, played games.
I missed him and let him stay up really late. When she tucked us in for bed, her
skin was so soft.
What?
Oh, I mean, look, so soft. She had on pink lipstick and mini skirt at
Hey, stop talking about my mom.
I keep crushing her or something.
Just paying her a compliment.
And besides, you have a crush on my sister. That's different. I actually
chance to become one more older. Okay, but so do me and your mom.
If something terrible happens to your dad, I could even marry her. Then I'd be
your father. Whoa.
That's a little too far, man. You should take that back, Dean. Why? It could
happen. Take it back, Dean.
Honestly, Bradley, none of your concern.
Brad!
Dean! I thought you two were friends.
He has a crush on my mom.
You're going to the principal's office.
Despite Brad blurting out our issue to Mr. Norwood, he didn't tell our moms
our fight was really about. Our cross -racial, intergenerational lustful
were too controversial to share. Not to mention, a little creepy.
Well, at least they didn't get suspended.
Yeah, well, the principal might have shown mercy, but I won't. Right.
Meaning?
Dean is grounded for two weeks.
Oh, you know what? Sounds good.
Brad, too.
Lillian, can I tell you something?
Sure.
So your family was looking at the house in our neighborhood?
Oh, yes.
Girl, Dean swears he could see you washing dishes from the second floor
Well, after the open house, all of the neighbors were talking, and it seems
that your realtor is part of a blockbusting scheme.
Blockbusting?
So you mean he is using us to scare the white folks away so that he can get
their homes at a discount?
Yeah, I'm afraid so.
I just, if your family was looking at the house, I just thought that you
know. Yeah, well, thanks for telling me.
I'm so disappointed. Trust me, I get it.
We were the first Jewish family to move into the neighborhood, and what we went
through...
You don't want to know.
Well, Bill is going to blow his top, but at least I don't have to tell him Dean
is suspended.
I'm so happy that those boys made up. I know.
I wonder what they were fighting about. At their age, probably some girl.
Okay, okay, but everything I told you about the house and its price was true.
I'm not going to let you put me in some kind of trick bag, man. When he was mad,
my dad talked like he was the hero of a blaxploitation movie.
Even before there were blaxploitation movies. So I guess now that you know
everything, you guys are going to want to cut in on the deal? Terrence.
What? That's not what this is about.
It's about the principle. That's right. About the principle. Now how much of a
cut are we talking about? I can't believe you're out with sell -nots your
people. Bill, I don't see it that way. One of us moving into this house is
progress. Not everybody's going to run away because black folks move in. I did
not notice the crab molding on the ceiling. Oh, this is a nice house. Come
now. There's got to be a better way to integrate a neighborhood.
Maybe there is, but I don't know how to do it. Do you?
In this way, at least everybody makes a tidy profit.
I just want no positives.
You know what?
I will give you 10 % over asking price. That's my final offer. I thought you
came over here to tell me we want no positives, Al.
You're right. You're right. You're right. I'm just getting a little carried
away. It's just a nice house. Come on, Cliff.
So referrals are out of the question.
You'll find somebody.
But me, I'd rather live in a friendly all -black neighborhood where we own our
own homes and businesses than be used to scare white folks out of their heads.
I can respect that. That's right.
Bill. Harry.
Cliff.
Harry. My dad remained true to his word. He never sold the house I grew up in.
But by the time I was grown, most of the neighbors were white. He avoided
integration, but gentrification got him anyway.
Our experience with the house on Ivy Lane did lead to racial progress, but in
more personal way.
Brad's family came over for dinner.
They were the first white guests we'd ever had. You said it's called challah
bread.
Oh, no.
I made challah bread for dinner.
I'm just kidding. Y 'all know we having cornbread.
Dean, help them with their coats.
May I take your jacket? Sure, we're the gentlemen.
Thank you so much. Nice dress, Kim.
Our families proceeded to have a wonderful time getting to know each
The evening was a total success.
Brad and I tried not to make fools out of ourselves in front of our crushes.
We totally failed.
Morning world.
Kimmel's got the legendary Ringo Starr and snowboarder Sean White. Later
on ABC.
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