Original subtitles

[ MUSIC ]

CAN WE CHANGE?

[ MUSIC ]

I'VE BEEN RUNNING FOR THIRTY TWO YEARS,

IN AND OUT OF PRISON LIKE A JUNKIE JACK- IN- THE-BOX.

CHANGE.

STRENGTH OF AN APE.

[ MUSIC ]

WHERE WAS I?

OH. UH...UH RIGHT.

CHANGE. CHANGE RISING...

FROM, OH... THIS DOESN'T TURN OUT GOOD.

[ MUSIC ]

CAN WE CHANGE?

I'M JERRI BLANK, AND THIS IS MY STORY.

STRANGLERS WITH-

CAN, UH-

GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW. OH THAT'S ME!

MOMMY, I'M HOME.

NO, NO, WRONG HOUSE.

CAN I HELP YOU?

UH, WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?

UH, I THINK YOU HAVE THE WRONG HOUSE, DEAR.

I THINK I WOULD KNOW MY OWN HOUSE.

YEAH, THIS IS IT.

WELL, NICE TO HAVE MET YOU.

I THINK WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A LITTLE SITUATION.

AHH! SONS OF BITCHES!

GOD. I'M JERRI BLANK!

WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU ARE?

JERRI BLANK. OH, MY MUGALUCKS.

WOULD YOU STAY ON THE RUNNER PLEASE?

SO, UH MAYBE YOU WANNA TELL ME WHO YOU ARE?

I'M SARA BLANK. I'M MARRIED TO YOUR FATHER.

WELL, DOESN'T THAT UPSET MY MOTHER?

HOW DO I PUT THIS DELICATELY?

YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD, YOUR FATHER'S UPSTAIRS IN A COMA

AND WE HAVE A SON, DERRICK.

SO, THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING BY.

I WANT MY DADDY! DADDY!

MISS. I'M SORRY, MISS.

DADDY!?

MISS, WOULD YOU PLEASE STAY ON THE RUNNER?

DADDY!

DR. PUTNEY?

YES.

I'M JERRI BLANK.

JERRI BLANK!

I DELIVERED YOU! I STILL HAVE THE SCARS.

BORN WITH A COMPLETE SET OF TEETH. MEDICAL MARVEL.

DR. PUTNEY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY DADDY?

YOUR FATHER HAS WHAT WE CALL A STRESS INDUCED COMA.

YOU SEE, AFTER YOU LEFT HOME, YOUR MOTHER DIED OF GRIEF.

MOTHER.

MAY I KEEP THESE?

OF COURSE, JERRI,

BUT I'LL KEEP THE URN, IT'S STAINLESS STEEL.

AS I WAS SAYING, THE STRESS OF HER DEMISE

COMBINED WITH ANQUISH OVER YOUR DISAPPEARANCE

LED TO THIS DEATH-LIKE RIGOR WHICH YOU SEE BEFORE YOU.

PAPPI! I'M SO SORRY THAT I DIDN'T CALL.

AH!

WHAT WAS THAT?

MAYBE IT WAS JUST A NERVOUS REACTION.

NO, I POKE NEEDLES IN HIM ALL THE TIME AND I NEVER GET A RESPONSE.

SOMEHOW YOUR MERE PRESENCE IS BRINGING HIM BACK TO LIFE.

QUICK, EVERYONE, OUT INTO THE HALL!

HIS SLIGHT MOVEMENT DEFIES ALL MEDICAL LOGIC.

IS MY DADDY'S GONNA BE FIXED NOW?

HARD TO SAY, JERRI. HARD TO SAY.

THIS WOULD BE MY ADVICE. STIMULATE HIM.

TAKE HIM BACK TO THAT MAGICAL TIME WHEN LIFE WAS GOOD

AND PRECIOUS AND WORTH BEING CONSCIOUS FOR,

WHEN YOU WERE STILL HIS LITTLE GIRL.

THATS IT!

I'M HESITANT TO ASK.

I'M PICKING UP MY LIFE EXACTLY WHERE I LEFT OFF!

I'M GONNA GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL, AND BE THE GOOD GIRL I NEVER WAS

OR HAD ANY DESIRE TO BE!

MAYBE THAT WILL HELP SAVE MY DADDY.

WELL, THAT'S A START, JERRI,

BUT YOU HAVE TO BE BETTER THAN GOOD.

YOU CAN'T REVERSE 32 YEARS OF DEPRAVITY IN A SINGLE DAY.

YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT.

WE CALL IT BALANCING THE PSYCHIC EQUATION.

WHO'S WE?

YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE IN MY CAR POOL.

BUT THE POINT IS, YOU HAVE BE SPECIAL, JERRI.

SPECIAL.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE HONOR ROLL, WIN THE SPELLING BEE.

BE PROM QUEEN?

MAKE THE HONOR ROLL.

WELL, I'VE SAID ENOUGH.

THANK YOU FOR COMING, DOCTOR.

OH. HI.

MOM, I'M HOME.

OKAY, WHO IS THAT, AND WHY DOES HE BOTHER ME?

JERRI, THIS IS OUR SON, DERRICK.

LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE ADVICE, DERELICT.

I THINK IT WOULD BE BEHOUVY OF YOU NOT TO CUT INTO MY MOMMY TIME, ALRIGHT?

WE'RE- - UH- - BONDING.

MOM, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

IT'S ALL RIGHT, DARLING. GO TO YOUR ROOM, AND LOCK THE DOOR.

SO, UH WHERE DO I STOWS ME STUFF?

ALL RIGHT, JERRI, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OLD ROOM BACK,

BUT ONLY UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS BETTER.

OH, HERE'S YOUR MOTHER.

YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE. HEY, WHEN'S EATS?

WHAT?

I TAKE CHORIZO AND EGGS ON A FLOUR TORTILLA.

BUT GO EASY ON THE JALAPENOS, THOUGH, I'VE GOT A BIT OF THE SQUIRTIES.

GOD, I'M GOING TO BED.

BED?

GOOD NIGHT, MOMMY.

[CAR HONKING]

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

WELL, HOW DO I LOOK?

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SHIRT?

I KNEW YOU WOULD WANT TO TAKE ME TO SCHOOL ON MY FIRST DAY, MOMMY.

ARE YOU INSANE?

DADDY, COMA.

OK.

I'M AFRAID. WHAT IF THE KIDS DON'T LIKE ME?

WHAT IF I DON'T FIT IN?

WHAT IF?

THE FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL IS ALWAYS SCARY, JERRI.

ESPECIALLY THE SECOND TIME AROUND.

JUST BE YOURSELF, AND IF THINGS DON'T WORK OUT,

WE'LL KNOW WHERE THE PROBLEM LIES.

MAYBE I SHOULD GO HOME AND CHANGE.

GET OUT OF MY CAR! GET OUT.

CHECK OUT THE WIDE LOAD WHO GOT A RIDE FROM MOMMIE.

THAT'S THE LAST TIME, OLD LADY!

GOD, YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME! I HATE YOU!

PICK ME UP AT 3:15. DON'T BE LATE. THANKS, MUMSY.

YOU KIDDING?

GOD. MOTHERS, THEY CAN BE SO CLINGY, RIGHT?

JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GROW UP.

HEY, CHECK OUT THE THUMBSUCKER GETTING A RIDE FROM HIS MOMMIE.

WHAT A CHUMP.

HEY DON'T WORRY, I'LL CHANGE HIS DIAPERS FOR YOU.

HI, I'M JERRI. WOULD YOU LIKE TO CARRY MY BOOKS?

ALICE, HENRY.

SO NICE TO HAVE MEMBERS OF THE SCHOOLBOARD IN MY CHAMBERS.

CAN I FIX YOU TWO A DRINK?

THIS IS A HIGH SCHOOL, ONYX.

MY MISTAKE. WOULD YOU CARE TO HANDLE MY PISTOL?

NO THANKS.

ALICE?

I THINK I'VE HANDLED YOUR PISTOL ENOUGH.

SORRY, THAT WAS INSENSITIVE.

SO, AS TO WHAT DO I OWE THE PLEASURE OF THIS SURPRISE ATTACK VISIT?

MAY I BLITHELY ASSUME YOU'RE HERE TO DELIVER THE REST OF OUR DISCRETIONARY FUNDING?

LOOK, ONYX, YOU WERE REQUIRED TO SEND US DOCUMENTATION

PROVING THAT YOUR STUDENTS HAVE ACTUALLY ACHIEVED THE HIGH TEST SCORES THAT YOU CLAIM.

WHAT, YOU DIDN'T RECEIVE MY PACKAGE?

IRIS!

YES, PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOCUMENTS THE SCHOOL BOARD REQUESTED?

I DON'T KNOW.

I KNOW WHAT MUST'VE HAPPENED. I DIDN'T SEND IT.

I'M GLAD THAT'S CLEARED UP. I'LL TAKE THAT DRINK NOW.

IF WE DON'T RECEIVE CONCRETE PROOF BY NEXT WEEK,

YOU WILL NOT BE RECEIVING ANY FUTURE FUNDING,

AND AS REQUIRED BY LAW WILL RETURN ANY AND ALL MONIES THE BOARD HAS ALREADY PROVIDED.

UNDERSTAND?

BUT ALICE, I NATURALLY ASSUMED, THAT GIVEN OUR PAST LONG STANDING MUTUALITY

THAT YOU WOULD PERHAPS BE MORE GENEROUS WITH YOUR LETTING IT SLIDE.

OUR DAYS OF SLIDING ARE OVER.

AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?

NO, HENRY, YOU ARE NOT MISSING ANYTHING,

AND NEITHER AM I.

I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, ALICE.

ARE YOU?

LET ME ASK A QUESTION HERE.

DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH ALICE?

YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO PROVE YOUR STUDENTS ARE ABOVE AVERAGE IN ANY WAY.

I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW. I'M ON THE SCHOOL BOARD.

I HAVE 3000 STUDENTS, AND NEARLY A DOZEN TEACHERS,

SURELY ONE OF THEM MUST HAVE A DECENT BRAIN.

HEY! HEY THATS MY CAR! HEY!

OH, I'M GOING TO JAIL.

GOD DAMMIT!

YOU LOOK LOST.

WELL...

IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN TALK TO ME, I'M THE ART TEACHER.

I MAY BE AN AUTHORITY FIGURE, BUT I HAVE THE MIND A CHILD.

WELL, TODAY'S MY FIRST DAY BACK AT SCHOOL AND I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

THERE'S NO REASON TO BE NERVOUS.

JUST REMEMBER THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

IF IT DOESN'T GO RIGHT, THERE'S NO WAY TO GET IT BACK.

NO WAY...

I'M HERE TO SEE THE PRINCIPAL.

PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN IS BUSY. HAVE A SEAT.

WHAT'S SHAKIN', RED? CARPET MATCH THE DRAPES?

I'M JERRI. JERRI BLANK.

WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR? BOOST SOME GOODIES?

YOU CAN TELL MAMA.

I DIDN'T MAKE MY SCHOOL FUNDRAISING QUOTA.

THEY'RE PROBABLY GONNA CALL MY PARENTS.

AHH, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

TELL YOU WHAT, USUALLY I ONLY LOOK OUT FOR NUMERO ME,

BUT I LIKE YOU, YOU'RE SWEET,

SO I JUST MIGHT BE WILLING TO TAKE YOU UNDER MY SPICY BUFFALO WING, HMM BUTTER CHOP?

I'LL NEVER SLAP YOU AROUND, UNLESS OF COURSE YOU GET OUT OF LINE.

LISTEN, NICO, YOU'LL GET YOUR MONEY.

ALL I NEED IS ONE MORE WEEK.

LOP MY HEAD OFF!?

GO AHEAD, WHAT DOESN'T KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER...OH RIGHT..

HOW ABOUT IN THE MEANTIME, COULD I INTEREST YOU IN A BRIGHT SHINY SCHOOL BUS?

I COULD STOCK IT FULL OF FRESH YOUNG CHEERLEADERS.

HELLO?

HELLO.

PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN?

WHO WANTS TO KNOW?

I'M JERRI BLANK, AND... WELL, I USED TO GO TO SCHOOL HERE AND I'D LIKE TO COME BACK.

I'M SORRY BUT ALL OF OUR CUSTODIAL POSITIONS ARE FILLED.

WELL, I WANT TO BE A STUDENT.

WHAT?

I'M STARTING MY LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN AND I'M PICKING UP EXACTLY WHERE I LEFT OFF.

I DON'T THINK- WAIT, WHAT'S YOUR IQ?

PISCES.

LISTEN, BLANK, I'VE ALREADY GOT ENOUGH HUNGRY RATS ON MY SINKING SHIP.

I'VE GOT THE SCHOOL BOARD BREATHING DOWN MY NECK

LIKE A DRUNKEN JOCK AT A RUFIE PARTY.

SCHOOL BOARD!

WHY WOULD I DOCTOR THE BOOKS IN ORDER TO IMPROVE THE OVERALL TEST SCORES OF THE STUDENT BODY

JUST SO I COULD COLLECT BONUS FUNDS FROM THE STATE,

WHICH I WILL FULLY MISAPPROPRIATED

IN ORDER PAY OFF LARGE GAMBLING DEBTS?

IT JUST DOESN'T ADD UP, BLANK.

INVESTIGATE ME ALL YOU WANT.

HOW DEEP YOU IN?

THEY TOOK TWO OF MY TOES!

OOH. I KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE?

YOU'VE LOST SOME TOES?

NO, I'VE TAKEN A FEW.

LISTEN, BLANK, AS FAR AS I KNOW, OR AM WILLING TO FIND OUT,

I CAN NOT LEGALLY KEEP YOU OUT OF SCHOOL.

BUT I'LL BE WATCHING YOU, BLANK.

AND IF YOU AS SO MUCH SLIP UP ONCE AS YOU STEP OUT OF LINE,

YOU ARE ES' SCRAM E' VOUS! NOW GET OUT!

THANKS, PRINCIPLE BLACKMAN. I WON'T LET YOU DOWN.

OTHER THAN THAT, THERE'S NO REASON FOR WOMEN TO HAVE BREASTS.

THAT CONCLUDES OUR UNIT ON REPRODUCTION.

THE IMPORTANT THING FOR YOU KIDS TO REMEMBER- -

GODDAMNIT!

WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT.

JERRI BLANK.

OK MR. BLANK, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF.

OH...ALRIGHT. WELL, HELLO, I'M JERRI BLANK

AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.

I'M ALSO ADDICTED TO AMPHETAMINES AS WELL AS MAINLINE NARCOTICS.

SOME PEOPLE SAY I HAVE A SEX ADDICTION,

BUT I THINK ALL THOSE YEARS OF PROSTITUTION WAS JUST A MEANS

TO FEED MY RAVENOUS HUNGER FOR HEROIN.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE THE CHICKEN OR THE NUGGET.

THE POINT IS I'M ADDICTED TO GAMBLING. THANK YOU.

OH, AND MY DADDY'S IN A COMA.

OKAY, JERRI, YOU CAN HAVE A SEAT.

LADIES...

ALRIGHT, LET'S GET BACK TO CLASS.

NOW, AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL TIME OF YEAR FOR ME.

FIRST OF ALL, IT WAS ONE YEAR AGO SINCE I HIT ROCK BOTTOM,

DISCOVERED GOD, AND REALIZED THAT EVOLUTION IS A FARCE.

SECOND OF ALL, IT'S SCIENCE FAIR TIME AGAIN,

WHERE YOU STUDENTS GET TO MAKE UP SCIENCE PROJECTS,

WHICH THEN GO TO THE STATE SCIENCE FAIR TO COMPETE AGAINST

ALL THE OTHER SCHOOLS IN THE STATE- - ON SATURDAY.

WE ONLY HAVE A WEEK?

LOOK!

I GUESS I WAS SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU A MONTH AGO

BUT MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT IMMORTAL SOULS

AND KEEPING THEM FROM THE LAKE OF FIRE!

SORRY!

NOW UNLESS BEELZEBUB HERE WANTS TO POKE ME WITH HIS PITCHFORK SOME MORE,

I'D LIKE TO TEACH MY CLASS. I'M GOING TO PUT THIS SIGN UP SHEET OUT INTO THE HALL,

AND YOU CAN ALL SIGN UP FOR THIS VERY SPECIAL EVENT OR NOT.

IT DON'T MAKE NO NEVERMIND TO ME.

ALRIGHT, OPEN YOUR SCIENCE BOOKS TO PAGE 15.

GALILEO'S LETTERS TO THE CORINTHIANS.

CHAPTER 3 VERSE 16.

AND WHEN THE DEMON DID GIVE ME THE TELESCOPE I WAS SO AFRAID,

FOR THE LIGHTS OF HEAVEN WERE BEYOND MY KNOWING...

BUSTED!

SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE ENTIRE CLASS, JERRI?

DID YOU DRAW THIS?

HE GAVE IT TO ME.

MINIOKO DID YOU DRAW THIS?

OK JERRI. I GUESS YOU'RE BOTH A LIAR AND A SNITCH.

SEE ME AFTER CLASS.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

YES, JERRI. I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU.

AND IF YOU GIVE ME ANY EXCUSE, I WILL BRING THE HAMMER DOWN.

DO WE GET EACH OTHER?

YOU BET.

OK, YOU CAN GO.

FAGGOT.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

WHAT DID YOU HEAR?

I'D RATHER NOT REPEAT IT.

WELL THEN, I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW.

OH DOMINIS...

HEY CHUCK.

GEOFFREY.

TRY AND GUESS WHAT I DID WITH MY ART CLASS TODAY?

I DON'T THINK SO.

WE BROKE IN THAT NEW KILN BY PLACING ITEMS IN IT THAT THE MANUAL SPECIFICALLY PROHIBITS.

I CAN SEE WHY CAR BATTERY IS NEAR THE TOP OF THE LIST.

I GET IT NOW.

GEOFFREY, I'M BUSY.

DID YOU GET MY NOTE?

YEAH, ONE OF MY STUDENTS FOUND IT.

IT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE ME.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WAS DRAWING IT FROM MEMORY.

LOOK, GEOFFREY I'M GLAD YOU STOPPED BY,

I'D LIKE YOU TO LEAVE.

SORRY. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

IT'S OVER.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, CHUCK?

I NEED MORE OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP THAN I'M WILLING TO PUT IN.

AND I THINK I DESERVE BETTER.

DON'T YOU?

HEY. HEY, I KNOW THIS IS HARD ON YOU.

IT WOULD BE HARD FOR ME TOO IF I BROKE UP WITH ME.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOSING.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS...

I'M TAKING THIS BACK!

GEOFFREY!

WOULD YOU HANG THIS UP IN THE HALLWAY?

I HATE YOU.

PLEASE GEOFFREY. I GET ENOUGH OF THAT FROM MY WIFE.

HEY GUYS, WHAT'S UP?

SORRY WE'VE BEEN PICKIN' ON YOU.

TO MAKE IT UP, WE GOT YOU A LITTLE SOMETHIN'.

YOU GUYS PUT DOG SHIT IN MY LOCKER?

WHO YOU CALLIN' A DOG?

THAT'S OURS.

LET ME HELP YOU WITH YOUR BOOKS.

WHAT'S HAPPENIN DERRICK?

GET OUT OF HERE STUMP!

WHO'S THE NEW KID?

I THINK SHE'S MY SISTER OR SOMETHING.

WELL, WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU TOO, NEW KID.

A SURPRISE? A SURPRISE FOR ME?

HEY. HEY, WAIT UP.

THAT WAS AMAZING.

AHH, IT WAS NOTHING.

FLIPIPINO?

INDONESIAN.

JAVA OR SUMATRA...

SUMATRA.

I SMUGGLED A LOT OF PEPPERCORNS ACROSS THE STRAIGHTS OF SUNDA.

ROUGH SEAS.

MY NAME IS MEGAWATTI SACARNAPUTRI.

NOT THAT MEGAWATTI SACARNAPUTRI, IT'S A COMMON NAME.

JERRI. JERRI BLANK.

HEY, THE SCIENCE FAIR.

ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT SIGNING UP?

NO, I'M THINKING ABOUT PUSSY. SCIENCE FAIR'S FOR QUEERS.

IT'S NOT, JERRI. IT'S REALLY SPECIAL.

SPECIAL. WHY IS THAT WORD IMPORTANT TO ME?

(DR. PUTNEY) YOU HAVE TO BE SPECIAL, JERRI.

SHHHH...

(DR. PUTNEY) DO SOMETHING SPECIAL.

NOT NOW, BRAIN, I'M TRYING TO THINK.

(DR. PUTNEY) ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT WINNING THE SCIENCE FAIR

MIGHT JUST BE THAT SPECIAL THING THAT WAKES YOUR FATHER UP!

THAT'S IT! GIVE ME THAT PENCIL, WE'VE GOT A SCIENCE FAIR TO WIN.

WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING LOOMING AROUND MY OFFICE?

WE JUST SIGNED UP FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR.

GET TO CLASS!

WIN THE SCIENCE FAIR... THAT'S NOT GOING TO DO ANYBODY ANY GOOD.

(ALICE) YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO PROVE YOUR STUDENTS ARE ABOVE AVERAGE IN ANY WAY.

NOT NOW BRAIN, I'M TRYING TO THI..WAIT A SECOND.

IRIS! GET ME ROGER BEEKMAN! I'VE GOT A SCIENCE FAIR TO WIN.

DADDY, I'M HOME!

OOOH...YUM YUM YUM.

YOU WANT MY SAUSAGE, RIGHT?

DADDY?

OOOH..NICE SHANK!

SUCCULENT.

WHO'S THIS?

OH. UH JERRI, THIS IS STEW, OUR MEAT MAN.

MOTHER.

STEP-MOTHER, JERRI.

I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK THAT SLITHERED OUT OF MY WOMB.

SCIENCE FAIR. IDEAS BY JERRI BLANK.

NUMBER ONE.

EASY.

SCIENCE FAIR IDEAS...

SCIENCE FAIR IDEAS...

THE MONKEY'S HITTING THE OTHER MONKEY WITH A VIOLIN.

THIS IS NICE. FAMILY.

YOU GOT THE MOMMY AND THE DADDY AND THE BROTHER AND SISTER AND...THE THIS GUY.

[GROWLING]

JUST GETTIN' A ROLL.

YOU CROSS MY CHOW ZONE AGAIN YOUR GONNA PULL BACK A BLOODY STUMP.

SARA?

JERRI!

MOMMY. HEY DADDY, I SIGNED UP FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR TODAY- -

HEY. WE DON'T SPEAK WITH FOOD IN OUR MOUTHS AT THIS TABLE.

I DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD IN MY MOUTH.

WELL, PUT SOME IN.

HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY, DERRICK?

THE COACH MADE ME THE CO- CAPTAIN OF THE JR. VARSITY SQUAT THRUST TEAM!

THAT'S FABULOUS!

WAY TO GO, FAG LICK.

JERRI, LANGUAGE.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW STUMP, THE VARSITY SQUAT THRUST TEAM TOOK THIRD IN ALL CONFERENCE.

AND HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU NOT GAY?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, TROLL?

WE SQUAT TOGETHER, WE SPOT EACH OTHER ON THE WORK OUT MAT,

AND WE PLAY GRAB-ASS IN THE SHOWERS!

HOW IS THAT GAY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE BRISKET?

WHO IS THIS GUY AGAIN?

JERRI! STEW IS OUR MEAT MAN AND HE IS DESERVING OF OUR RESPECT!

I JUST WANTED TO TELL DADDY THAT I SIGNED UP FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR TODAY.

HEY JERRI.

YOUR PROJECT COULD BE ABOUT FINDING THE LINK BETWEEN A LOSER AND A FATTY.

NEXT TIME I'LL TAKE A THUMB!

THAT'S IT! GET OUT!

HE STARTED IT.

OH, MY DARLING!

RIGHT NOW!

YOUR NOT MY REAL DADDY!

YOUR NOT MY REAL DAUGHTER!

STOP IT!

GO TO YOUR ROOM!

JERRI!

JERRI!

LEAVE THE PLATE!

NOW STOP IT!

YOU LITTLE BITCH!

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, IT NEVER MEANT MUCH TO ME TO HAVE A BABY.

BUT THEN I FOUND OUT NOBODY WANTED TO GIVE ME ONE.

AND NOBODY DENIES ME SOMETHING I THINK I MIGHT WANT.

CHUCK.

GEOFFREY.

EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP.

I WANT TO WIN THAT STATE SCIENCE FAIR THIS YEAR.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

I WANT TO SHOW THAT SCHOOL BOARD JUST WHAT FLATPOINT STUDENTS ARE CAPABLE OF,

EVEN IF THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF IT.

NOBLET, YOU'RE THE SCIENCE TEACHER. WHAT'S THE PROGRESS?

PROGRESS?

GOOD.

I DON'T WANT A REPEAT OF LAST YEAR'S FIASCO. WHICH REMINDS ME.

NO WOLVES.

HERE'S THE PLAN.

ROGER!

YOU GOT MY TELEGRAM!

EVERYBODY, THIS IS ROGER BEEKMAN!

FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT IN THE KNOW,

ROGER BEEKMAN HERE IS THE 9 TIME STATE SCIENCE FAIR CHAMPION,

AND CURRENT COVER BOY FOR "REGIONAL HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE TEACHER WEEKLY,"

THE NUMBER ONE HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE TEACHER WEEKLY PUBLICATION IN THIS REGION.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

DON'T MIND BOSWELL HERE. HE'S WRITING MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

JUST TREAT HIM LIKE A PIECE OF FURNITURE.

I DO.

DON'T WRITE THAT DOWN.

HELLO, ROGER.

WAIT, WAIT DON'T TELL ME.

TELL ME.

NO, DON'T TELL ME,

I HAVE A MNEMONIC DEVICE.

CROTCH NIBBLET.

CHUCK NOBLET.

RIGHT.

AND WE MET AT THE-

BUNSEN BURNER SEMINAR.

YES.

YES, YOU HAD THE CHEMISTRY MISHAP. I SEE YOUR HAIR GREW BACK.

THAT IS REAL HAIR, ISN'T IT?

IT IS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ROGER?

I CAN ANSWER THAT ONE.

ROGER HAS AGREED TO SHEPHERD A FLATPOINT TEAM FOR THE STATE SCIENCE FAIR!

WHAT?

BUT I'M THE SCIENCE TEACHER.

WE DON'T NEED AN OUTSIDER.

THIS IS MADNESS!

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, NOBLET?

ROGER WILL DO HIS PROJECT

AND YOU'LL DO YOURS AND MAY THE BEST MAN HUMILIATE THE OTHER!

OH, NOW THAT ROGER'S IN THE MIX,

I'VE DECIDED TO DO A MINOR RESHUFFLING OF THE STUDENTS.

YOU KNOW, SPLIT THE STUDENTS BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.

THOSE ARE MY STUDENTS!

ROGER BEEKMAN'S TEAM WILL CONSIST OF CHANG KAI CHO,

KIM LUCK, AKITO GAI PAN, HYMAN LOENSTIEN, MOISHE EIENSTEIN,

TESLA, AND ALEXANDER GRAHAM WANG.

OKAY, UNDER CHUCK NOBLET WE HAVE GLEN SINKER, TERRY PITTS, DWAYNE LOUSE, DALE DIM, JERRI BLANK

AND BILLY DOLT, PROVIDED WE HAVE WHEELCHAIR ACCESS.

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY ADVANCED STUDENTS.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, ONYX.

LET HIM KEEP HIS HAND PICKED TEAM. I'LL CREATE MY OWN.

CONFIDENCE! I LOVE IT!

AND BY THE WAY, ANYBODY WHO WOULD LIKE TO VOLUNTEER AS MY ASSISTANT,

I COULD CERTAINLY USE ONE.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE WILLING TO PUT ME AHEAD OF YOUR STUDENTS.

I CAN DO THAT.

THIS IS BULLSHIT.

THIS IS BULLSHIT!

OKAY, NEW DEAL.

IN ORDER TO GET MORE STUDENTS INVOLVED IN THE SCIENCE FAIR,

I AM GOING TO TAKE THIS LIST AND BOIL IT DOWN TO THE BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST.

THAT SELECT GROUP WILL THEN PRESENT ONE PROJECT

WHICH WILL MAKE ROGER BEEKMAN LOOK LIKE A FOOL.

THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE MORE STUDENTS, IT INVOLVES LESS.

HEY, LOOK AT YOU OVER THERE ADDING AND SUBTRACTING.

WELL THIS ISN'T MATH, MISTER, THIS IS SCIENCE! UNDERSTAND!

OKAY, YOU KOREANS AND YOU JEWS WILL MAKE UP THE CORE OF THE THINK TANK.

MEGAWATTI, YOU'RE THE WILD CARD.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM.

BUT I ALREADY SIGNED UP!

AND NOW YOU DIDN'T.

BUT MY DADDY'S IN A COMA!

GOOD POINT, JERRI.

GO SEE THE SCHOOL GRIEF COUNSELOR. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO CARE.

GO ON.

COME ON.

LET'S GO... ON YOUR FEET... COME ON, LET'S GO.

COME ON.

YOU'LL FEEL BETTER. LET THE HEALING BEGIN.

OH, GEOFFREY.

I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW, CHUCK.

LOOK, THERE'S A REALLY UGLY RUMOR THAT I'M ABOUT TO START,

AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE I'VE GOT IT RIGHT.

ARE YOU WORKING WITH ROGER BEEKMAN?

PERHAPS HE VALUES THE CONTRIBUTION AN ART TEACHER CAN MAKE TO SCIENCE.

GEOFFREY, WHERE'S MY COCOA?

COMING ROGER!

THAT'S MY MUG.

GOTTA GO, CHUCK. SCIENCE.

EYES TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM.

THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO SEE BACK THERE.

EYES TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM.

[CRYING]

GEOFFREY!

NO!

ARE YOU THE GRIEF COUNSELOR?

GOD, IT NEVER ENDS. HAVE A SEAT.

UH, I SHOULD TELL YOU UP FRONT, EACH STUDENT GETS TEN MINUTES.

THAT LAST STUDENT TOOK FIFTEEN, SO YOU GET... FIVE.

WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR.

TAKE IT UP WITH LES, HE'S THE ONE THAT'S FRIGID. SO?

I'M JERRI BLANK, AND MY DADDY'S IN A COMA.

YOU KNOW WHAT, JERRI? I WISH MY DADDY WAS IN A COMA.

HE'S DEAD, JERRI, HE WAS EXECUTED FOR WAR CRIMES.

BUT FOR INSURANCE PURPOSES WE SAY HE WAS EATEN BY WOLVES.

ANYWAY, MY POINT IS, JERRI, SOMEBODY HAS ALWAYS GOT IT WORSE.

UM, WELL THE REASON I'M HERE IS BECAUSE I WANT TO GET ON THE SCIENCE FAIR TEAM,

SO I CAN FIX MY DADDY.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, JERRI, IN ORDER TO SHORTEN OUR LITTLE MEETING,

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE NOTE, OKAY?

DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY?

THERE. NOW YOU'RE ON THE SCIENCE TEAM.

UH, JERRI...

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING, RIGHT?

THAT'S MY LUNCH MONEY...

MY THEORY IS NOAH HAD THREE OF EVERYTHING, JUST IN CASE ONE DIED.

SEE, SCIENCE- -

GODDAMNIT!

LADIES.

OKAY, EYES TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM.

[CRYING]

I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE TEAM!

WE'RE GONNA MAKE THE BEST SCIENCE PROJECT EVER!

WHOOPEE - ON ME!

WHO'S THAT?!

OH, THAT'S JUST BRASON.

GOD, CHECK OUT THE TITTIES ON THAT ARM.

[ MUSIC ]

SO JERRI, WHAT LOOKS GOOD?

TO YOU, A BANANA.

LET'S GO SIT OVER HERE.

WE CAN START MAPPING OUT PLANS FOR OUR PROJECT.

GOOD IDEA, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

HEY, HOMIES, HOW ABOUT MAKING SOME ROOM?

BEAT IT, CHUBS.

YEA, I'LL CATCH YOU IN GYM.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?

SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE WITH A STEEL PLATE IN THEIR HEAD GETTING WORKED OVER WITH A PIPE.

SKETCHY.

IT'S TRADITIONAL INDONESIAN MUSIC, JERRI.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WELL, LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, MEGATWATTI.

IT'S MEGAWATTY, JERRI.

GEEZ I KNOW, I'M JUST HAVING SOME CRUEL FUN AT YOUR EXPENSE.

GEEZ, I THOUGHT YOU PEOPLES HAD THICKER SKINS THAN THAT,

YOU KNOW, FIGHTING THEM TIGERS IN THE JUNGLE AND ALL.

WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY LIKE ME?

I GUESS THEY JUST DON'T KNOW YOU YET.

HEY TAMMI!

RUSTY.

OH, HEY JERRI.

MR. NOBLET ADDED TAMMI TO THE SCIENCE PROJECT TEAM!

OH YEAH? YOU THINK YOU GOT THE SKILLS TO PAY THE BILLS, THERE, COPPER TOP?

WELL, I GOT STRAIGHT A'S IN SCIENCE LAST SEMESTER.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. I RUN A PRETTY TIGHT POSSE, ALRIGHT?

NOW IF YOU WANT TO BE PART OF THE CREW,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FOLLOW A FEW SIMPLE RULES, ALRIGHT?

IT'S ABOUT GETTIN' CAUGHT AND NOT TELLIN',

KILLIN' AND NOT CARING, AND DYING WITHOUT FEAR.

YOU DOWN FOR BEING UP FOR THAT?

I GUESS.

TEAM!

[ MUSIC ]

TEAM.

[ MUSIC ]

TAMMELAS, MY LIFE IS PERFECT.

WE'RE GONNA WIN THAT SCIENCE FAIR, AND MY DADDY IS GONNA BE JUST LIKE HE WAS BEFORE.

WITH EXPECTATIONS THIS HIGH, WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

NOTHING JERRI, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T LOSE YOUR FOCUS.

WELL, THEN NOTHING IS GONNA DISTRACT ME-

MAN...LOOK AT THE WORK OUT HE'S GIVING HIS CHILE HOLE!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT BRASON?

HE'S ALL RIGHT.

I HEAR HE LIKES TO STEAL HOME ON THE FIRST DATE!

HMMM...BATTER UP.

BRASON DOESN'T GO OUT WITH GIRLS LIKE YOU AND ME.

HE GOES OUT WITH GIRLS LIKE MONICA.

HEY, BUT I DO KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON YOU...

WHO?

IT'S SOMEONE YOU JUST MET.

DOES THIS PERSON GO TO THIS SCHOOL?

UH HUH.

DOES SHE HAVE A RIPE LITTLE RUMP THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF IT.

IT'S MEGAWATTI.

SHH, LET ME GUESS, LET ME GUESS.

DOES SHE HAVE A PAIR OF PERT POUTY BREASTS,

THE KIND THAT FILL YOUR MIND WITH ALL SORTS OF STINKY THOUGHTS?

IT'S MEGAWATTI, JERRI.

SHHH, PLEASE, I REALLY WANT TO GET THIS ONE.

IS SHE SLIM HIPPED WITH THE PROMISE OF FORBIDDEN TREASURES

BETWEEN THOSE MILKY WHITE THIGHS?

MMM, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL SO GOOD.

ALRIGHT, LADIES, LISTEN UP.

TODAY WE ARE GOING TO LEARN ABOUT AN ATHLETIC TRADITION THAT TAKES PLACE IN SPAIN.

AND WE ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE AN EXPERT WITH US.

COACH DIVERS?

BEEP BEEP LADIES. COMING THROUGH.

WATCH IT. WATCH IT.

CAREFUL. MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.

THANK YOU.

LADIES. LAST YEAR I WAS PRIVILEGED ENOUGH TO RUN WITH THE BULLS IN PAMPLONA.

YOU KNOW THE INTERESTING THING ABOUT SPAIN IS

IT'S VERY VERY DIFFICULT TO MAKE A PERSONAL INJURY LAWSUIT STICK.

BUENO. GRACIAS.

ALRIGHT SENORITAS, LET'S LOAD 'EM IN!

ALRIGHT, ONES, LET'S GO! MOVE IT! INTO THE CHUTE.

LOAD EM IN. LOAD EM IN.

COME ON, PICK UP THE PACE A LITTLE BIT, LADIES.

GET IN THERE...

ALRIGHT...

[BULL LOWING]

HIT IT, LADIES!

PUMP THOSE KNEES!

KNEES TO THE CHEST!

GO! GO! GO!

MOVE IT!

YOU GOTTA MOVE YOUR KNEES.. PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT!

AH, HE JUST WINGED YOU, BLANK.

YOU'LL GET OVER IT. HIT THE SHOWERS.

WELL DONE, LADIES.

AND NUMBER TWOS, LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

PUMP THOSE KNEES. GET UM HIGH.

PUMP IT. PUMP IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

PUTTIN' A PIECE DOWN.

IT DOESN'T GO THERE, THERE'S A GAP!

SIMMER DOWN, STEW. CLEARLY IT GOES IN THE LOIN.

YOU'RE TRYING TO JAM IT IN THE SHANK.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

LOOK AT THE BOX!

OHH.

IS THAT THE SAME PICTURE?

[DOORBELL]

IS THAT FOR YOU?

NO, NO STEW, NO.

WELL, IT SURE AS SHIT AIN'T FOR ME, I DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE. SARA?

YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE ANYBODY HERE AFTER SIX, STEW.

[DOORBELL]

CAN I MAKE A SUGGESTION HERE, STEW?

MAKE IT QUICK, I'M TRYING TO DEAL WITH THIS DOORBELL SITUATION.

WELL, MAYBE IT'S FOR JERRI.

WHO?

YOU KNOW...

AHHHHHH!

JERRI!

JERRI!

I'LL GET IT!

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, JERRI?

THESE ARE MY NEW BEST FRIENDS.

WHO'S HIS FACE AND WHAT'S HER NAME. THEY'RE GONNA HELP ME.

PACK?

YOU'RE SUCH A POOH-HOLE, DERRICK.

YOU'RE A FAT GOBLIN.

ALRIGHT, YOU TWO.

WELL, SHE IS.

I KNOW, DERRICK. I HAVE EYES.

LOOK JERRI. I MADE US T-SHIRTS FOR OUR SCIENCE PROJECT TEAM.

WE'RE THE FIG NEUTRONS!

HEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA. LET'S WHERE THEM TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.

YES!

SORRY ABOUT THE SMELL.

HEY YOU GUYS WANNA MAKE SOME CRANK CALLS?

NO, WE HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO, JERRI.

OH RIGHT, SCIENCE. OKAY. LIGHT HER UP.

OKAY. SO YOU GUYS WANT TO HEAR MY IDEA?

SHOOT, I'M ALL EARS.

I WAS THINKING THAT WE COULD MAKE A MINIATURE SUPER CONDUCTOR.

WE COULD GET A BUNCH OF SOUP CANS AND THEN WE COOL THEM DOWN TO THE PROPER TEMPERATURE..

COME ON, JERRI, YOU NEED TO FOCUS.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO SAVE YOUR DADDY?

I DO, BUT COME ON, YOU GUYS. SCIENCE IS SO BORING.

STUPID SCIENCE. WHAT DID SCIENCE EVER DO FOR ME?

HEY, BOBO, WOULD YOU HAND ME THE TV CLICKER AND THE ELECTRIC SHAVER?

I'M GONNA TAKE OFF. THIS IS POINTLESS.

DON'T BE SUCH A MEGA- SNOTTY.

WE GOT A LOT OF WORK DONE TODAY.

WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANYTHING DONE YET.

WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN WORKING TOO HARD.

WE DESERVE A BREAK.

SO, WHY DON'T YOU GO FOR A SWING IN YOUR BANANA TREE

AND TAMMIE AND I WILL HAVE A GIRLY TALK!

I REALLY SHOULD- -

LADIES LOCK UP!

GOD, SNORESVILLE.

OKAY, LISTEN.

I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ABOUT A BOY AND YOU TELL ME IF YOU COULD IMAGINE KISSING HIM OR NOT.

ALRIGHT? MATT LAPPIN.

I GUESS.

OKAY. ASK ME ANY BOY!

OKAY, MEGAWATTI SUCARNAPUTRI.

NO, NO, NO, ASK ME ABOUT ANYBODY.

ASK ME ABOUT BRASON.

HOW 'BOUT BRASON?

DAMN, I'D WOULD WORK HIS CRANK SO HARD...

I SHOULD GET GOING.

TAMMELAS!

OH TAMMELAS, DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THE CHANGES OUR BODIES ARE MAKING?

YEAH, I GUESS, I MEAN I'VE GOTTEN IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU KNOW, IT!

YEAH, ME TOO.

THOSE SUDDEN HOT FLASHES, GET SO HOT YOU HAVE TO PULL THE COVERS OFF OF YOU AT NIGHT,

YOU SNAP AT PEOPLE FOR NO REASON.

IS THAT WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR YOU?

SORT OF, I DON'T KNOW, NOT REALLY.

I THOUGHT SO.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, TAMMI, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

CAN I GO NOW?

IN A WHILE.

NO.

THAT'S OKAY. JUST CHECKING.

[ MUSIC ]

[ GIRLS LAUGHING ]

MONICA, MELISSA, MELANIE.

HI.

HI JERRI, NICE SHIRT.

I GOT IT FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR.

HMMM.

YOURS SHOULD SAY PIG NEUTRONS.

I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU KIDS FOR ACCEPTING MY INVITATION TO BE MY SCIENCE TEAM.

THANK YOU.

WE'RE GETTING PAID, RIGHT?

IN CASH.

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'D WANT US.

WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SCIENCE. WE'RE NOT QUALIFIED.

I'M GOING TO LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.

YOU WANNA KNOW HOW YOU WIN A STATE SCIENCE FAIR?

ONE WORD...PIZZAZZ!

SO, WHAT'S OUR SCIENCE PROJECT GONNA BE, ANYWAYS?

I DIDN'T WIN 9 STRAIGHT SCIENCE FAIRS BY WORRYING ABOUT

WHAT THE SCIENCE PROJECT IS GOING TO BE.

OKAY. WE COULD TAKE LEAVES AND PUT THEM BETWEEN WAX PAPER.

WHAT WE NEED TO CONCERN OURSELVES WITH IS POP.

POP AND SIZZLE.

JERRI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS JUST LOOKING AT- -

WELL, MIND YOUR BUSINESS, GET BACK TO CLASS! GO ON.

GET!

NOW, JELLINECK, I WANT YOU TO TAKE OVER FOR ME.

I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO HIM. LISTEN TO HIM AS IF HE'S ME.

HE'S GOING TO SHOW US WHAT HE'S GOT COOKING...

GEOFFREY, WHY?

I LOVE YOU.

YOU HEARD ME...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?

I WAS JUST HEADING OVER TO THE PEP RALLY.

WELL, MR. NOSEY EYES, LET'S SEE HOW MUCH RALLYING YOU GET DONE IN DETENTION.

GIDDY UP!

FOCUS IS THE KEY TO SAFE DRIVING. FOCUS.

START YOUR CARS. LANCE, LIGHTS!

ACTION.

SUNNY DAY, MIDDLE OF SUMMER, DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD.

NOT MUCH TO SEE, CLEAR DAY. DRY CONDITIONS...

CHILD'S BALL!

FOCUS. EYES ON THE ROAD.

ALRIGHT, DOING WELL.

TAP ON THE BRAKE.

WHERE'S YOUR FIG NEUTRONS SHIRT?

FIG NEUTRON SHIRT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I JUST GAVE IT TO YOU, JERRI.

OHH, RIGHT, FIG SHIRT.

RIGHT.

I THREW IT AWAY.

I THOUGHT SCIENCE FAIR MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU, JERRI.

I THOUGHT I MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU.

MEGAWATTI!

BETRAYAL.

YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LOSE FOCUS, JERRI? TRAGEDY.

WHAT'S GOING ON, GEOFFREY?

I HAVE WORK TO DO. WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT?

JUST POACHING MY IDEAS.

NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME- -

ROGER! JUST THE PERSON I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR. SIT DOWN.

WHAT'S THE UPDATE? TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.

I THINK YOU'LL BE DULY IMPRESSED WITH OUR EXECUTION.

DEAD SEA SALTS?

NOTHING BRINGS ME TO LIFE LIKE DEAD SALT.

ELUCIDATE UPON YOUR ELABORATION.

GO AHEAD, ROGER. THRILL ME. TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.

HOW ABOUT A EUCALYPTUS SPRITZ?

DON'T MIND IF I DO.

CONTINUE, ROGER.

WELL, WE ARE SORT OF RE-IMAGINING THE, UH, NEXUS OF THE...

WE DON'T HAVE A PROJECT YET.

WHAT!

THE SCIENCE FAIR IS IN 48 HOURS!

MY EYES!

AHHHHHHHHH!

MY EYES!

AHHH. MY EYES! MY EYES! MY EYES!

RICK.

CHUCK.

NO, IT'S ROGER.

MAKE A NOTE OF IT.

GEOFFREY.

CHUCK.

WAS THAT ROGER BEEKMAN I JUST SAW LEAVING HERE?

HAVE THE TWO OF YOU-

WHAT, CHUCK?

COLLABORATED?

WHY SHOULD YOU CARE, CHUCK? YOU PUSHED ME AWAY.

I WASN'T PUSHING YOU AWAY, I WAS PULLING ME TOWARD MYSELF.

WELL, IT'S TOO LATE, CHUCK.

GEOFFREY...

AS YOU KNOW, DUE TO THE KILN FIRE,

WE'LL BE HAVING CLASS OUT HERE IN THE PARKING LOT.

NOW REMEMBER THE MAGIC TO ART IS THERE ARE NO INCORRECT ANSWERS!

ANYTHING GOES.

THAT'S WRONG.

HELLO?

GEEZ, SOMEONE WOKE UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE COCONUT.

ARE YOU STILL PO'D AT ME?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. WHY DON'T YOU COME TO MY HOUSE TONIGHT, AND WORK ON THE PROJECT THERE.

WILL THAT SOOTHE YOUR SAVAGE BREAST? HMM?

OKAY, JERRI.

SO, HAVE YOU GUYS COME UP WITH A PROJECT YET FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR?

NO.

I HEAR CHUCK- UH, MR. NOBLET'S CLASS IS DOING A SUPER CONDUCTOR.

WHY CAN'T ARE TEAM HAVE AN IDEA LIKE THAT?

YEAH. WHY CAN'T WE?

BECAUSE THEY ALREADY HAVE IT?

OKAY, BUT WHEN I WANT TO DO SOMETHING ORIGINAL,

YOU KNOW THE FIRST THING I DO? I GET OUT MY TRACING PAPER.

UNDERSTAND?

I'LL SEE YOU AT REHEARSAL.

HEY, MAYBE SOMEONE FROM MR. NOBLET'S TEAM WOULD HELP US OUT.

BUT WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?

PERHAPS THEY HAVE A WEAK LINK THAT COULD BE EXPLOITED.

CHING CHONG... YOUR ORDER READY, SIR.

HOT OUT TODAY.

VERY HOT OUT TODAY.

7:00.

7:00.

I'LL SET MY ALARM.

ALRIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT, MEGAWATTI.

OKAY, BYE.

SO, JERRI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

NOTHING.

MONICA'S HAVING A PARTY. WANNA BE MY DATE?

I WANT YOUR SPERMIES.

I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES.

[DOORBELL]

GOD DAMN IT!

DERRICK.

DERRICK!

WHO IS IT, HONEY?

SOMEONE TO SEE THE TOAD.

STAY ON THE RUNNER, PLEASE.

I'M SORRY.

WE'RE ALL OUT OF CANDY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DERRICK?

AREN'T YOU TRICK OR TREATING? I MEAN YOU'RE ALL DRESSED UP IN THAT LOSER COSTUME.

OH, HEY MEGAWATTI. SORRY, WE'RE OUT OF CANDY!

I ALREADY DID THAT ONE, CHUNK.

I HATE YOU.

WHAT'S SHAKIN' BACON?

JERRI, I'M HERE TO WORK ON THE PROJECT. I MADE YOU A NEW SHIRT.

AND I DREW UP SOME PLANS.

TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T I TAKE THESE AND GIVE THEM A LOOK-

SEE RIGHT AFTER I GO ON MY DATE WITH BRASON TO MONICA'S PARTY.

OH, MEGAWATTI, DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. IT'S NOTHING,

BUT ME FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO ISN'T YOU.

WE'LL ALWAYS BE THE BEST OF ACQUAINTANCES.

NOTHING WILL EVER COME BETWEEN ME AND BRASON!

QUICK! ACT LIKE A BANANA AND PEEL OUT OF HERE. GO! BACK DOOR.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SCIENCE PROJECT?

SCIENCE ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE, BUT YOU ARE.

BRASON...

HEY, DIRK.

DERRICK...

HOW'S EVERYTHING ON THE VARSITY SQUAT THRUSTING TEAM?

IT'S COOL...

I SAW THE FINAL THRUST YOU MADE IN THAT MEET AGAINST MOUNT VALLEY.

IT CHANGED THE WAY I THOUGHT ABOUT SQUATTING.

BRASON.. TAKE A HIKE, FAG BALL. HE'S HERE TO SEE ME.

WHY DON'T YOU RELAX, WHILE I RUN UPSTAIRS AND GET SOME GIRLY THINGS,

YOU KNOW, RUBBERS AND SUCH.

CAN'T WE JUST GO NOW, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO DRAG THIS OUT.

OH SURE, SURE, SURE.

BUT FIRST I'D LIKE YOU TO TO SAY HELLO TO MY DADDY. OKAY?

THAT WOULD BE THE PROPER THING TO DO.

ALL RIGHT.

HI, THERE SIR. I JUST- -

WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

THAT'S NOT MY DADDY. THAT'S MY MOMMY'S MEAT MAN.

MY DADDY'S UPSTAIRS.

DON'T BE TOO TOUGH ON HIM, DADDY!

I'LL BE BACK RIGHT. I'M JUST GOING TO GO FRESHEN UP MY WHAT'S GONE SOUR.

WHAT'S GOING ON, JERRI?

OHH, MOTHER, COME, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU FOR A SEC..

OH GOD! WHAT IS THE REFRIGERATOR DOING UP HERE?

LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT. ALRIGHT?

I JUST NEED SOME MOTHER/DAUGHTER ADVICE.

WHAT IS IT, JERRI?

WELL, I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS TONIGHT ABOUT MY DATE WITH BRASON.

IS THIS MY KABUKI MAGIC?

DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL GET IT BACK.

KEEP IT. IT'S ALL GUMMED UP.

LISTEN. WHAT IF HE TRIES SOMETHING?

LIKE WHAT? KISS YOU?

WELL THAT...

AND LET'S SAY I'M GIVING HIM A RUSTY TROMBONE

AND HE TURNS AROUND AND TRIES TO SLAP A DIRTY SANCHEZ ON ME.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT, JERRI?

WELL A RUSTY TROMBONE IS WHEN YOU SPREAD THE CHEEKS...

I KNOW WHAT A RUSTY TROMBONE IS, JERRI.

I USED TO BE A STEWARDESS.

JERRI!

BRASON!

THANKS.

HOW'D YOU GET THE REFRIGERATOR UP THE STAIRS?

HELLO, MONICA!

HEY THANKS FOR INVITING BRALES AND ME TO YOUR PARTY.

TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, MY MOM IS A FREAK ABOUT THE FLOORS.

MONS.

HEY!

MAKE ROOM FOR JERRI, GUYS...

MEL, MELISS, MAKE ROOM FOR JERRI..

HMMM. EXPLODE A POP.

THEY SAY IT'S CARBOLICIOUS.

COME ON...WOW, THIS IS A REALLY GROOVY SCENE, MONICA.

NICE.

SO JERRI, WE'RE FRIENDS RIGHT?

WELL SURE, MONICA.

I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THAT SCIENCE PROJECT OF YOURS.

THERE'S NOT MUCH TO SAY REALLY. IT'S ALL UP HERE IN THE OLD ACORN.

I GOT BLUEPRINTS AND EVERYTHING.

THEY'RE BACK IN MY BEDROOM. SAFE KEEPING.

THE FIG NEUTRONS ARE GONNA BUST THIS NUT OUT.

THAT'S GREAT, JERRI,

BUT I'M MORE INTERESTED IN THE SPECIFICS OF THE SCIENCE PROJECT.

OH, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT THAT...

COME ON JERRI. YOU CAN TELL US.

IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.

REALLY? UH, NO...I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THAT..

MAYBE YOU JUST NEED TO LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT.

ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME HIGH?

NO, JERRI, WHY WOULD I TRY TO GET YOU HIGH?

I SHOOK THAT MONKEY OFF MY BACK A LONG TIME AGO

AND I WILL NOT GO DOWN THAT ROAD AGAIN.

IT LED ME TO A DARK PLACE WHERE I WAS SLEEPING IN THE GUTTER,

AND COOKING MY BREAKFAST UP IN A TEASPOON.

BY THE END, I WAS BARELY HUMAN!

LET ME SEE THAT.

OH YEA, THAT'S PANAMA RED. YOU'VE GOT A SEED IN THERE. GOOD LUCK.

GO AHEAD JERRI, ONE HIT'S NOT GOING TO HURT.

COME ON, JERRI. DON'T YOU WANT TO BE COOL?

[CHAMBER BROTHERS "TIME HAS COME TODAY"]

OH BATS! SHOO! SHOO! GO!

I'M HIGH..I'M HIGH..

JERRI! STOP! JERRI!

JERRI, STOP!

GOD, IT ALL CAME RUSHING BACK TO ME.

THE YEARS OF ABUSE AND DEBASEMENT.

HOW BOUT ANOTHER HIT?

GET OUT!

BUT MONS!

GET HER OUT OF HERE!

JERRI, I THINK WE BETTER GO.

WE JUST GOT HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, SO DO IT!

LET'S GO.

COME ON.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS STILL DOING UP?

IT'S 8:30, TROLL.

LISTEN, MY OLD MAN AND I ARE HEADING UP TO MY ROOM.

SO IF YOU HEAR ANY SCREAMS, DON'T COME A KNOCKING.

THE STAIRS COULD BE A LITTLE RICKETY.

SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO GRAB ON TO SOMETHING MORE FIRM.

SO JERRI-

SHHH..FEEL IT.

JERRI. I REALLY JUST WANTED TO LOOK AT THE PLANS.

TAKE A LOOK AT THESE.

DAMN IT, JERRI.

I THOUGHT WE COULD SHARE.

I GUESS I WAS WRONG.

OH BRASON, I CARE ABOUT YOU.

WELL, PROVE IT.

WHAT ABOUT THESE?

MEOW.

NOW WE'RE TALKING.

[MAKING CAT NOISES]

OH BRASON.

LET'S GET THIS OFF.

I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS. SO GO GENTLE.

ON SECOND THOUGHT, WHY DON'T YOU SLAP ME AROUND A LITTLE.

I'M HAVING TROUBLE GETTING IN THE MOOD.

IT'S MOIST AS A SNACK CAKE DOWN THERE.

I'M GONNA GET GOING.

HAD A FEW THINGS COME UP.

THE PLANS.

JESUS, JERRI, YOU DON'T LET UP!

WHAT, DO YOU THINK I JUST CAME UP HERE TO STEAL YOUR STUPID PLANS?

THAT REALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS.

OH, I'M SORRY, BRASON.

YOU SHOULD BE. I DON'T EVEN WANT THESE. SO I'M GONNA GO.

I'M GONNA TAKE THESE, JUST TO PROVE A POINT.

WHAT'S THE POINT?

WHY DON'T YOU FIGURE THAT OUT, YOU SEEM TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.

BRASON!

[ MUSIC ]

HOW'S THE PROJECT GOING, NOBLET?

OH. I, UH, FEEL PRETTY CONFIDENT.

MIND IF I TAKE A LITTLE PEEKITY BOO?

OH. NOT AT ALL.

SHOO, SHOO, SHOO.

COME ON.

HMMM, THIS LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE ROGER BEEKMAN'S PROJECT.

WHY? WHAT ARE THEY MAKING?

A SUPERCONDUCTOR OUT OF SOUP CANS.

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE MAKING!

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

WELL, OBVIOUSLY HE STOLE OUR IDEA!

I DON'T SEE HOW HE COULD HAVE STOLE IT IF I SAW HIS FIRST.

ANYWAY, ROGER'S GOT A REAL WINNER ON HIS HANDS,

AND WE DON'T REALLY NEED TWO WINNERS, DO WE NOBLET?

THAT WILL JUST GUM UP THE VICTORY. GET MY DRIFT?

PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN, PLEASE WAIT...

HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?

THEY STOLE OUR IDEA!

PERHAPS IT WAS JUST A COINKIDINK.

MEGAWATTI, DID YOU GUARD THOSE PLANS WITH YOUR LIFE LIKE YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA?

WELL, SORT OF, AND THEN I GAVE THEM TO JERRI FOR A WHILE.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR?

EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'VE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH BRASON, JERRI.

THEY DO?

I MEAN I HOPE YOU CAN BACK UP THAT ACCUSATION WITH SOMETHING OTHER THAN FACT.

COME CLEAN, JERRI.

WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, I SUNG LIKE A CANARY?

A SQUEALER, A STOOLIE?

PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE JUST SCUM TO BE SCRAPED FROM THE BOTTOM OF THEIR BOOT HEEL.

I DID IT.

I JUST LET HIM TAKE AN ITTY BITTY PEAK AT THE PLANS...

WE WERE A TEAM! HOW COULD YOU BETRAY US?

I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU FIGS!

YOU'RE LIKE FAMILY TO ME, WELL, THE WHITE ONE.

YOU DARKER ONES ARE MORE LIKE VALUED FAMILY SERVANTS.

THE POINT IS, YOU'RE THE ONLY FRIENDS I'VE GOT IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

MY DADDY'S IN A COMA!

IT'S TOO LATE, JERRI.

MEGS. TAMELAS.

WHEN I WAS FIRST REJECTED BY THE PEACE CORPS, I DECIDED THERE AND THEN I WAS GOING TO TURN- -

GEOFFREY.

ROGER.

I THINK WE NEED TO CUT AWAY A LITTLE BIT OF THE FAT BEFORE TOMORROW.

I HEAR YOU.

THAT MELISSA'S A LITTLE BUMBLE-FOOTED.

I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, GEOFFREY.

I'M SORRY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM.

COME ON, BOSWELL.

I HAVE MORE TALKING TO DO. AND THEN YOU CAN WATCH ME EAT A SANDWICH.

BYE GUYS. SEE YOU LATER.

SEE YOU.

BRASON! THEY KICKED ME OFF THE TEAM.

DIDN'T YOU HEAR, JERRI, FAT HIPS SINK SHIPS.

MONICA, WHY CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?

IN WHAT KIND OF MAD FANTASY WORLD WOULD SOMEONE LIKE YOU

AND SOMEONE LIKE ME EVER BE FRIENDS?

BRASON. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT I WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME.

SO LET'S JUST PUT IT BEHIND US. NEW BEGINNINGS.

I REALLY NEED YOU TO HOLD ME RIGHT NOW.

BRASON.

SO YEAH, LIKE, MY MUSTANG, WHAT'S SWEET ABOUT IT IS THAT- -

OH DADDY... I WANTED YOU TO BE SO PROUD OF ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY EXCEPT I WISH I COULD TALK TO YOU.

GOODBYE FOREVER, PEAPOP.

[THUNDER]

DADDY? DADDY, IS THAT REALLY YOU?

OR ARE YOU JUST THE PRODUCT OF A DRUG ADDLED, ALCOHOL TAINTED DISEASE RIDDEN MIND?

I BETTER NOT ANSWER THAT.

WELL, THEN JUST TELL ME IF YOU'RE AS REAL

AS SOME OF THE OTHER THINGS IN THE ROOM,

LIKE THE DEMON WITH 100 EYES.

THAT'S A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE.

I'M AS REAL AS THE DEMON WITH 100 EYES.

YOU ARE REAL!

WHO'S THIS GUY?

I REALLY CAN'T VOUCH FOR HIM.

CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS? HUH? WE'VE GOT A COMA TO BE IN.

I DON'T BELONG HERE, DADDY.

NOBODY WANTS ME. NOBODY NEEDS ME.

YOUR FRIENDS NEED YOU.

YOU CAN'T LET THEM DOWN. YOU CAN'T LET ME'S DOWN.

MAYBE I COULD COME UP WITH AN IDEA FOR THE PROJECT TO SAVE THE DAY!

THAT'S A VERY GOOD START, JERRI.

THANKS, DADDY.

YOU LOOK WELL RESTED.

[ MUSIC ]

MAYBE THERE'S STILL SOME HOPE.

HOPE?

YOU FOOL. DON'T YOU KNOW DEATH WHEN YOU SEE IT?

I'M BEING PUNISHED.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE TERRIBLE THINGS I'VE DONE.

CURSE GOD AND DIE!

HEY FIGUROS. WHAT ARE YOU SITTING AROUND LIKE A BUNCH OF LOSERS FOR?

GET OUT, JERRI!

I MEAN IT!

WE'VE GOT A SCIENCE FAIR TO WIN.

AND I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

NUMBER FIRST. DIG UP A CORPSE.

NOW I KNOW WHERE ONE IS...

KILL YOU! I KILL YOU!

IT'S GO TIME, FATTY!

JERRI! MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE.

I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP.

HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH ALREADY?

IT'S LATE, JERRI, WE'RE GONNA GO HOME.

LATE? LATE? COME ON NOW.

IN THE SLAMMER, SOME OF THE BEST STUFF WE'D GET DONE WOULD BE AT NIGHT.

WE'D BE MIXIN UP THE JUNGLE JUICE

SLAP ON THE OLD TRANSISTOR RADIOS.

OF COURSE WE'D HAVE TO MAKE ARE OWN BATTERIES BECAUSE THE BULLS KEPT TAKING THE REAL ONES.

YOU COULD TOSS A COUPLE OF D CELL BATTERIES

INTO A PILLOW CASE AND USE IT TO SHATTER A PUERTO RICAN'S SKULL.

BRITTLE SKULLS.

OH, THE BATTERIES.

OKAY RIGHT.

SO WHAT WE'D DO IS TAKE OUR OWN POOPERS AND WORK IT INTO A PASTE,

AND THAT WOULD MAKE THE ALKALOID.

THEN WE'D FOLD IN SOME TIN FOIL FOR THE CELLS

AND FOR THE ACID, WE'D USE OUR OWN SPIT. BATTERY.

SOUNDS LIKE A BOMB.

IT'S FINE LINE.

THAT'S IT! WE'LL MAKE A BATTERY!

AN ENERGY SOURCE MADE FROM NON-POLLUTING RENEWABLE MATERIAL!

WELL IT POLLUTES A LITTLE- - DOODIES!

WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET A PRESENTATION IN TIME.

YOU WILL WITH MY HELP.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, GEOFFREY?

AREN'T YOU ON ROGER'S BEEKMAN'S TEAM?

THAT'S YESTERDAY'S NEWS, CHUCK.

NOT REALLY, I SAW YOU WORKING WITH HIM LIKE AN HOUR AGO.

WHAT DID HE DO? KICK YOU OFF HIS TEAM?

LET'S JUST SAY I'M KICKING MYSELF ON TO YOURS.

WHAT DO YOU SAY KIDS? DO WE NEED HIS HELP?

WELL, THAT'S ALL I NEED TO HEAR.

ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE A LITTLE TIME AND A LOTTA WORK TO DO.

MR. JELLINECK!

OKAY.

I'M OUT OF IDEAS.

PERHAPS WE CAN PRESENT THE BATTERY USING THE TRADITIONAL MUSIC OF MY HOMELAND, INDONESIA.

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH A GOD DAMN BATTERY?

NOTHING.

WELL, NOTHING IS SOMETHING I'M USED TO WORKING WITH.

I LOVE IT!

LET'S DO IT!

[ MUSIC ]

HIDEY HO.

SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKE?

WE'RE STILL LOOKING.

OUCH.

THAT'S A LONG TITLE.

I WAS NAPPING BEFORE I MADE IT TO THE END.

PLEASE!

ALL I'M SAYING IS, DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB.

THESE ARE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS.

OH HOW LONG CAN THEY USE THAT EXCUSE?

SHE'S WITH ME NOW, ONYX.

ON THE BOARD OF ED.

CAN WE PLEASE KEEP THIS EDUCATIONAL?

HMM. THE MIRACLE OF REPRODUCTION.

MY, THAT'S FULL ON BALLING. WOW. I'M IMPRESSED.

MOUNT VALLEY MIGHT HAVE THIS ONE NAILED.

WELL, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? ANOTHER SHOW STOPPING SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT BY ROGER BEEKMAN.

THIS IS EXHILARATING. TITILLATING.

FIRE WAS INVENTED

BY BURNING SOME WOOD

THE WATER WHEEL

IS THE WHEEL THAT COULD

WHEN YOU BOIL A LIQUID

IT GETS YOU SOME STEAM

FOSSIL FUEL DOESN'T KEEP

THE ENVIRONMENT CLEAN

SUPER CONDUCTOR

SUPER CONDUCTOR

SUPER CONDUCTOR

ROGER, I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! I LOVED IT!

YOU'VE REDEFINED THE SCIENCE PROJECT AS WE KNOW IT.

I LOVED THOSE CATCHY SONGS WITH THOSE RHYMES!

AND THOSE LADIES IN THEIR CAT SUITS AND THAT MACHINE,

WHATEVER IT DID!

OH ONYX, THAT WAS WONDERFUL.

I'M JUST WARMING UP.

YOU WHORE!

WELL, I'M GONNA JUST GO TALLY UP THE POINTS.

WELL, TALLY HO, THEN.

WAIT! WAIT!

WHAT'S THIS ABOUT, NOBLET?

MY PROJECT!

WHAT ABOUT IT?

ROGER'S ALREADY GOT THIS THING WRAPPED UP TIGHTER THAN A TEENAGE BURRITO.

LOOK, THESE STUDENTS STAYED UP AND PUT THIS PROJECT TOGETHER ALL BY MYSELF.

AND I THINK I DESERVE TO HAVE THEM SHOW YOU WHAT I'M CAPABLE

OF LETTING THEM DO.

IF I MAY INTERJECT.

I'M SURE I DON'T NEED TO REMIND THE JUDGE,

THERE CAN BE NO NEW ENTRIES ONCE THE TALLYING HAS BEGUN.

HENRY LOVES ALICE?

WELL I GUESS THEY'RE STILL ELIGIBLE.

ALRIGHT. LET'S MAKE IT QUICK.

I WANT TO GET MY AWARD AND GO HOME.

[ MUSIC ]

OH MY GOD...

[ MUSIC ]

WELL, HENRY. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE CAPABLE OF TALLYING UP THE SCORE?

I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.

WHY DON'T I JUST DECLARE THE VICTOR.

THE WINNER OF THE STATE SCIENCE FAIR IS...

CHUCK NOBLET!

YES!

GUESS THAT MAKES ME HYDROGEN.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

ELEMENT NUMBER ONE.

NO CHUCK, YOU'RE A BORON.

COME BOSWELL.

NOBLET, I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT. CONGRATULATIONS.

SO MONICA. WHO'S FAT AND UGLY NOW?

STILL YOU, JERRI.

LET ME REPHRASE THAT... WHO'S THE WINNER NOW?! HUH?

DADDY'S AWAKE! DADDY!

DID YOU SEE, DID YOU SEE I WON!

I'M SORRY, JERRI.

BUT I SAW HIM MOVE.

THAT WAS ME. I WAS JUST TRYING TO PRIME THE PUMP.

I WAS HOPING TO GET A KICK START.

BUT I THOUGHT IF I WON...

I KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT, JERRI, I TOLD YOU TO THINK IT.

FIRE! FIRE!

[SCREAMING AND MAYHEM]

[ MUSIC ]

NOO! GEOFFREY?!

GEOFFREY.

CHUCK?

CLAIRE!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU WERE KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS, LUCKILY YOUR FATHER CARRIED YOU TO SAFETY.

WHAT?

IT SEEMS THAT THE SHOCK FROM THE EXPLOSION ROCKED HIM OUT OF HIS ETERNAL SLUMBER.

DADDY?

CAREFUL. CAREFUL. HE'S RESTING.

HE WAS IN A COMA FOR THIRTY-TWO YEARS,

HE'S GOT A LOT OF SLEEP TO CATCH UP ON.

SO, HOW SOON BEFORE SHE'S HEALTHY ENOUGH TO MOVE?

OH I THINK YOU'LL PROBABLY GET HER UP AND WALKING IN A COUPLE OF DAYS.

NO, I MEAN MOVE OUT.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT SHE HAS A QUALIFIED PHYSICIAN AT HER SIDE AT ALL TIMES.

WELL, I'LL SAY GOODNIGHT.

HUGS?

WE HAVE CABLE, RIGHT?

YEA. DOWNSTAIRS.

IF YOU'RE PAYING FOR CABLE AND NOT WATCHING TV YOU'RE LOSING MONEY.

IT'S JUST SIMPLE ECONOMICS.

TAMMILAS, MEGAWATTIS, GET IN HERE.

SWITCH...SWITCH.

THERE YOU GO.

IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WON THAT SCIENCE FAIR.

ACTUALLY, WE GOT DISQUALIFIED, JERRI.

OH WELL. AT LEAST I LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON.

TAMMILAS. MEGAWATTI.

I'M SO SORRY FOR BETRAYING YOU. FOR BETRAYING MY DADDY.

I SOLD YOU OUT BECAUSE I WANTED FRIENDS THAT WERE MORE ATTRACTIVE AND POPULAR THAN YOU.

BUT I'VE CHANGED.

NOW I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T FEEL THE WAY I SO STRONGLY STILL DO!

TEAM?

HI. I'M JERRI BLANK AND THAT WAS MY STORY.

NOW BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME. CONSIDER THIS.

YOU'RE NOT SO INNOCENT YOURSELF.

I'M GUESSING YOU'VE DONE SOME PRETTY HORRIBLE THINGS.

LIKE THE TIME YOU SET THAT BOAT ON FIRE AND WATCHED THOSE HAITIANS PANIC.

OH WAIT, THAT WAS ME.

THE POINT IS, YOU'RE A RACIST.

THINK ABOUT IT. I HAVEN'T.

GOOD NIGHT.

[ MUSIC ]