Original subtitles

♪ MTV ♪

Hey, Butt-Head, check it out.

I got a caramel apple.

Caramel apple.

Uh, you're eating fruit?

No, it's good.

The caramel, like, kills the apple taste.

Plus, I mean, it's, like, got a stick up its butt.

That's cool.

I want a bite.

Um, I don't know, Butt-Head.

What about your braces?

I don't think you're supposed to have, like,

sticky foods or something.

Don't tell me what to chew, butthole.

That's funny, Butt-Head. Your braces are stuck.

God damn it, Beavis.

Sorry, Butt-Head, I can't hear you because you've got,

like, an apple stuck in your mouth or something.

That's what I said, dumbass.

Get this damn apple off!

No, I don't think that's going to work, Butt-Head.

I'm just going to try to get the apple off.

Beavis, I'm gonna kill you.

You're welcome.

It's pretty stuck, Butt-Head.

But don't worry. I've got an idea.

OK, Butt-Head, now, um--like, um--

like, stand very, very still.

You better do this right, Beavis.

This is your fault.

Remember, hold still.

And...

Whoops.

It's not my fault. You moved! I told you.

Let me try again.

OK.

But don't screw it up this time, butthole.

I think maybe this time, I'm going to close my eyes,

you know, kind of like a piñata.

Ah!

Whoa.

What happened?

Um, what are those things that look just like your braces?

Wait a second.

I'm beautiful.

Fight tips!

Fight tips!

What's going on, guys?

Shane here. - I'm Ant.

Oh yeah, I've seen these guys before.

Yeah, yeah. It's Shane and Ant.

But I first want to remind you guys

that violence is not cool. Fighting should only be--

Wait a minute. Violence is not cool?

Who told him that?

No, they got that wrong, Butt-Head.

Violence is cool, especially when it's unprovoked.

I think there's a law where, like, you have to say

violence isn't cool, and then once you do,

it's like, totally OK to do violence.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that figures.

Thanks again, fat cats.

This is, like, a good video to learn

how to fight a person who's just standing

completely still, making a stupid face,

and not fighting back at all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I do see people like that sometimes.

You know, I guess I could kick their ass.

Is going to be when you're a little closer,

when you're clenched up.

I think Ant's mom is, like, going out with Shane's dad.

And she was like, "You know, Ant,

"Jim's son also makes YouTube videos.

"Maybe you guys could go to the park

and make one together."

Yeah, yeah.

And then Ant was like, "Ugh, do I really

have to hang out with him?"

And then she's like, "Now, look, Ant,

"I love his father very much.

"I know you don't like him, but just give it a chance.

"Come on, I need this to work.

This is my last chance."

"Ant, I know I told you

"it wasn't your fault I divorced, but it was.

So don't screw this one up."

"You owe me, Ant!

You were an accident anyway."

"Mom, do I have to call Shane's father Dad?"

"You call him whatever he wants!

"You call him your lord and master if he asks for it.

"Because I'll tell you what I call him.

I call him all I've got left."

"Yeah, my mom always told me, it's just as easy

"to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man,

"except when you have a son like Ant

"screwing it up for you.

"Now, come on!

"Now, just go down to the park

"and let that twerp punch you in the throat.

"Just do it!

I can take care of the rest."

Uh, settle down, Beavis.

Oh, yeah.

Got a little carried away. - Until next time. I'm Shane.

- I'm Ant. - Fight tips.

Fight tips!

Smooth.

You really do look different without your braces, Butt-Head.

That's because I'm hot now, Beavis.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I was hot before, but now I'm, like, even hotter.

Whoa. So, um, so what's it like?

You know how it's, like, cool when you see a chick's butt?

Um, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm like that now, Beavis.

I'm like a chick's butt, but to chicks.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Whoa. That's cool. Yeah.

Are you going to sit down?

No, I am not.

I'm way too hot to sit with you.

I'm going to go sit at the popular table.

OK. Yeah, that's cool.

Don't worry, Beavis.

I'm not going to forget the little people.

The little people who are also ugly.

Oh, good, good.

That's a relief. Yeah.

Oh--ugh.

Uh, hey.

Like, what's up or something.

I'm, like, one of you now.

You can't sit here, dumbass.

This is the cool table.

Yeah, but they all left.

That's because they're not cool enough.

There'll be cooler people coming.

OK, but can I just sit at this table until they get here?

No.

You have to go over there and sit with Cody.

But Cody sucks.

That's why you have to sit with him.

Everyone has to sit with people at their own level.

Eh, OK.

I don't make the rules, Beavis.

This sucks.

For a long time, people have been telling me

to get a slo-mo camera, because it'll look great

when I'm doing stunts. And you know what? I agree.

Uh, this guy thinks it's, like, really funny

if he shouts the first part of every sentence.

We got five projectile items. Starting on the weak end...

This guy is really weird-looking, Butt-Head.

Did you notice that?

It's like somebody took a dork's head

and sewed it on the body of a really ripped guy.

Yeah, like, that other guy, you know,

he's got a dork head and a dork body,

and he just looks like a-- you know, like a dork.

Yeah, but not this guy.

He looks like whoever made him screwed up.

Ow, that was more than three trigger pulls!

I wonder if, like, his body makes fun of his head.

Yeah, the body is like, I'm going to go score,

and you're not allowed to look.

Go score with your own schlong

or your nose.

He's like, well, I got shot in the butt,

but, you know, I'll get eight likes,

so it'll be worth it.

Those ripples remind me of when you're standing

next to a lake and you pick up a rock

and then you throw it,

and then it hits somebody's bare butt cheek

and it looks just like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's very peaceful.

You know, if he shot that pellet, like,

down the center of his butt, you know,

it would not bounce back.

And you know what else?

And if you played it backwards,

it would look like he was having, like,

a tiny little blue pellet poop.

And then it would fly out of his bunghole

and into that guy's gun.

I don't know how your mind works, Beavis.

Hey, baby.

How's it going?

- OK. - Oh, yeah, for sure.

What's up, bros?

Scoring with chicks?

We know what that's like.

Hey, Butt-Head, school's over.

You want to go-- - No, Beavis.

I'm very busy.

I'm looking at something.

It's a shame I can't score with myself.

Damn it, Butt-Head, I'm tired of this crap!

I knocked your braces off with a bat,

and now I'm going to use a bat to knock them back on.

Uh, how are you going to put my braces on with a bat--

Are your braces back on?

No.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Huh.

I don't know why I thought that would work.

Well, they managed to get most of your teeth back in.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, and now I have to wear these braces

until I'm, like, 25.

Yep. And you still never scored.

That nurse said I'm still beautiful on the inside.

That means you're ugly, I think.

I know, Beavis.

Shut up.