All language subtitles for Lovejoy.S02E10.Lilys.Pearls.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor.mkv.stream3

Not those colors.
I need stripes.

That's what I need.
I need some stripes.

I bet she's got stripes.

Oh, my Lord.

LOVEJOY:
Hallmarks?

Four.

Name them.

Hall or town, maker,
date, standard.

Leopard's head.

Crowned or uncrowned?

Oh, not just a pretty face.

Come to think of it...

Not a pretty face at all.

The crowned.

Uh, leopard's head crowned.

London, 1719 to 1836.

I think he's got it.

By George, he's got it!

I think he's knocked the little
hallmarks on the head.

Why aren't you using
straight-line depreciation?

Well, find out, for God's sake.

That's what I pay you for,
don't I?

Pillock.

Hello?

Hi, doll. It's me.

-Home in 10.
-LILY: Oh.

I could murder a very large G&T.
See ya.

Yeah, all right, then, Joe.
Yeah, okay.

Oh, no.

Something sparkling
in the fridge for later.

What do you mean?

Hey!
There's my lovely girl.

Bottoms up.

Do you want
your Wedgwood cufflinks or what?

You got them out the safe?
Oh, no. Anything will do.

This is not right, is it?

It's lovely.

It's not too, you know?

Beautiful, girl.
Beautiful.

Only go easy on the booze.

Three glasses of wine,
top weight.

Don't want you snorkeling
in the Felshams' Pouilly-Fuissé.

I'm not a total 'nana,
you know, Joe.

You're beautiful, doll.

Only this nosh,
molto importante.

Know what I mean?

No.

-Gruder?
-Joe and Lily.

And he's in property?

Builder, developer,
entrepre-whatnot.

Hmm.
Will I like him?

Salt of the earth, my darling.

Salt's not good for you.

A chance to get to know him
in a non-business context.

No shop.

Jane, please!

-Ah, there you go.
-Hm.

Yeah?

Barnet's nice.

Oh, yeah, Cath did it.
She always does it ever so nice.

You never wear them pearls
no more.

Well, I didn't think

that they went with this dress,
that's all.

If you've got it, flaunt it.
That's what they say.

Well, we don't want to look
like a pair of flash prats,

do we, Joe?

Oi. 20-odd grand
them pearls cost me,

and that's when a grand
was a grand.

Well, I'll wear them
if you want me to.

Nah, it don't matter.

I mean, you know,
some of them titled folks,

they haven't got a penny
to scratch their bums on.

Nah, Felsham's stone rich.
Owns half of Suffolk.

Right, you fit?

Yeah.

Once this deal goes through,
we'll own the other half, right?

-Right!
-Right.

I was afraid of that.

Bloody Miriam,
she'll have to go!

I thought that was
the whole point, Lovejoy.

A certain reluctance to go.

Eight?

Yeah, I invited Lovejoy.

Oh.

Who's he paired with?

Rosemary Blake.

That should
stop him laughing in church.

-Joe, good to see you.
-Alex.

You haven't met
the trouble and strife, Lily.

-Delighted to meet you, Lily.
-Hello.

Darling, this is Joe and Lily.
My wife, Jane.

Hello.

Hello, your Ladyship.

I'm ever so sorry, but I don't
really know what to call you.

It couldn't be more simple.
I'm Jane. He's Alex.

I thought you were
going to say Tarzan!

Will sir be wanting me to wait?

Foxtrot, Oscar.

Eh?

JANE:
What happened to Miriam?

LOVEJOY:
Intensive care.

JANE: Don't worry.
I'll run you home.

one thing I do remember,

I always wanted to live
in a house with a bath.

A swimming bath?

No, love.

Ordinary two-tap job.
One hot, one cold.

I can still hear us hackney kids
shouting, "Cold, cold!"

The attendant, God rot him,

kept throttling back
on the hot water.

Life was real.

Too bloody real.

What's your wrinkle, then,
Mr. Lovejoy?

Antiques.

You don't look that old.

Oh, bless you, Lily.

Lovejoy and I run
an interior-design consultancy.

-No kidding.
-Mm.

-JANE: Don't we?
-What?

Our little business.

LOVEJOY:
Oh, yes!

So if you ever get bored
with your William and Mary

and you want to go
all Victorian,

we'll help you get there.

Oh, you must come over
and see our place.

Mustn't they, Joe?

Oh, yeah.
All comers welcome.

Do you make a living
out of your antiques, then?

Well, as they said in Rome, Joe,
"SPQR."

Sorry?

Small profit, quick return.

Pile it high, sell it cheap.

Today's junk
is tomorrow's antiques.

It's slander,
but they keep on saying it.

-Do you ride, Joe?
-JOE: Certainly.

Every morning.

Out on the old exercise bike,
fighting the flab.

ALEXANDER:
I meant horses.

Listen, there's three things
you can rely on.

Death, taxes,
and me not getting on a horse.

Rosemary has a new horse.

I know.
I saw you on it the other day.

Daddy bought it for me
at Newmarket.

A 3-year-old colt.
A real daisy cutter.

Enormous great thing.

ROSEMARY:
Only 15 hands.

I wouldn't like to sit
next to him in a cinema.

-

Are these portraits
all Felshams?

JANE:
Yes, miserable-looking lot.

LILY:
Oh, I agree.

Cigar time.

They say the finest ones
are Havana leaf

rolled in the sweat
from a Cuban girl's thigh.

Not this one, but...

...you can dream, can't you?

So, Joe Gruder --
What do you reckon?

I can't help remembering

something my old granny
used to say.

"There'll be tears
before bedtime."

I get this feeling
somebody could get hurt.

And I get this feeling...

...it won't be Joe.

-LILY: Bye.
-JANE: Bye.

LILY: Bye. Thank you, Jane.
It was ever so nice.

So, what did you think of Joe?

Well, I was going to
ask Alex that.

Let's hear your opinion.

Well, it's nothing
to do with me,

but as a divvy,
I do get these vibrations.

I thought that was
The Beach Boys.

Ignore him.

LOVEJOY: Well...

Well, I would need to know
a lot more about him

before I got involved.

He smiles too much.

And what a smile.
It's like a slit in a letterbox.

That your considered opinion?

It's just that I've probably
met more villains than you have.

I am a J.P.

There can't be that many heavies
sitting in the House of Lords.

I wouldn't be too sure.

ALEXANDER:
With respect, Lovejoy,

your divvying applies
to antiques, not business.

Real business.

Which is why you arrived
on a motorbike,

and Joe came in his Rolls.

Touché

You were right about one thing,
though.

It is nothing to do with you.

You know all those pictures
in the Felshams' dining room?

All the ancestors.

You want to see mine
up there, then?

Be nice.

They'd all have numbers
across their chests.

Oh, Joe!

You were very rude.

Was I?

Very.
I agree with Lovejoy.

When don't you?

Joe Gruder started life

by boiling beetroot
for his greengrocer.

That's marvelous.

His favorite expression
is "cut the crap."

Probably loses something
in the translation.

This is the '90s, Jane,
the 1990s.

There are no more free lunches.

Assets are there to be used,
to be made to sweat.

Oooooh!

From Mr. Joe Gruder.

Oh!

Thank God
he only came to dinner.

There you go.

£7 billion increase
in trunk-road spending.

They're going to be crying out
for gravel and aggregates.

And we're certain
there's gravel there?

The survey says so.
Tons and tons and tons of it.

You're sitting on a gold mine,
Alexander.

Hmm.

And then we turn
the landfill site

into a mere or a bird sanctuary,
yes?

Felsham Mere.

It doesn't sound too grandiose,
does it?

No. This is our chance to put
something back into the pot.

We've both been lucky men, Alex.

This is where we say thank you,
right?

Right.

Right.

JOE:
As you can see,

this is a specially commissioned
scale model of Chez Gruder.

And inside...

voilà, all the goodies.

Thought you'd like that.

Have a little play with that
later, eh?

And over here,

the Burmese crumpet after
the school of Rembrandt.

Do you like it?

-It's, um...
-Remarkable?

Is that Morris
or Li Ho Rembrandt?

Sorry? Oh.

Remarkable.

How much, then?

For what?

Stripping the place,
decking it out with antiques.

They don't have to be new ones.

Oh, there's no answer to that.

Why not?

Could be as high as, um --
as high as...

Yeah?

£100,000?

Make it £50,000. There's 2,000
in it for you in readies.

LOVEJOY:
It's a landscape, Tink,

but I saw it
at yesterday's viewing.

It's a panel attributed
to George Vincent,

a fella driving two cows.

What sort of cows?

Normal sort, four legs.

No, what breed?

Breed? I don't know.
Black-and-white jobs.

Friesians.

Friesians, schmiesians.
It's a fella, two cows.

A drover, you know,
in a white smock,

two cows, a river,
and some trees.

Any hills?

Oh, yes, rolling alluvium
with limestone outcrop.

Any more questions?

I'm just trying to make sure
we get the right picture.

Well, put a shout in for me,
will you?

TINKER: How loud?

£300,000.
£350,000 top whack.

TINKER: Will do.

I'll see you at The Cock later.

-Lovejoy.
-Oh, hello, Joe.

Have you got a mo?

Sure.

I know antiques is your game,
but...

well, it's Lily's birthday
coming up soon.

Ah, a little something
for madam?

Yeah.
I want a portrait done.

Of her?

No, of me.

Like the ones Felsham's got.

Oh.

When is this birthday?

Next Tuesday.

Doesn't give us much time,
does it?

Well, it doesn't
have to be a big one.

Uh, you know, Joe,
it took Michelangelo four years

to do the ceiling
of the Sistine Chapel.

Yeah, well, he was an Eyetie.
Use a local.

What about that geezer
what done Winston Churchill?

Oh, you won't get him.

-JOE: Why not?
-Well, for one thing, he's dead.

And secondly?

I know lots of artists
who want commissions.

Don't come cheap, though.

It's Lily's birthday,
for God's sake.

Money's irrevelant.

How much?

It depends on who we get,
how many sittings.

Sittings? I ain't got time to
fanny about on me ass all day.

Maybe we could
take some photographs.

Eric's a dab-hand
with a candid camera.

"Bailey of Bury St. Edmunds,"
we call him.

Anyway, we could
take some snaps.

But it has to be a surprise.

We'll come to your office.

Okay, you're on.
Give us a bell first, though.

Lady Jane --

She seemed well-impressed
with the Burmese girl.

Yeah, well, she would, Joe.
She's got taste.

Yeah. Maybe I should
send her a copy.

Yeah, nice touch.

Or maybe two.

Aaah!

Don't do that, Lovejoy!

How are you doing, freak?

Lady Jane says we got to start
with an Adam fireplace,

make a focal point
for the sitting room.

That's a very good idea.
I've got a French one of those.

-Yeah, but that's not Adam.
-Louis Quinze.

-Is it?
-Quinze-ish.

ERIC:
Well, how much?

Bang it out to him for £500.

Right.
Hold on a minute.

Isn't that the one you got
from Honfleur?

Yeah.

Well, you only paid 30 quid
for that.

It was a bargain.

What, 470-quid markup?

Very, very good bargain.

You know what would
look great here, Eric,

is one of those
bronze reproductions

-of the Manneken Pis statue.
-The what?

You know, the little Belgian kid
taking a widdle.

He'd look as if he was
filling the pool, wouldn't he?

Are you sure?

Oh, it'd fit like an envelope
'round a check.

Oh, and two packets
of salt-and-vinegar crisps.

There's just something
about him...

-I know.
-...that's not exactly kosher.

Alexander won't hear a word
against him.

I noticed.

Sorry about that.

Rich as Croesus,

yet he cuts corners
like a one-armed paper hanger.

What exactly is this deal
that Alex has got with him?

Some property transaction.

Piece of the Felsham estate.

I think you should suss him out.

I mean, we can't keep
telling Alexander

we just don't like him.

It's not a question of liking.

Some of the biggest crooks
you ever met are highly likable.

You'd still be smiling
when they slit your throat.

Proof.
Concrete proof.

LOVEJOY: Ooh, that word, Jane.
I don't like it.

Concrete. One part cement,
two parts Lovejoy.

Tinker, where's my landscape?

Saint Sotheby's snapped it up.

Squeezing the little man out
again.

Robbing the country
of its heritage, Eric.

Right.
Lily and Joe.

I've made a list of things
to look out for.

Could be wages, Tink.

Lily favors Regency period.

You mean she knows
what Regency is?

Not exactly, no,
but she like stripes.

Dad was a Brentford supporter.

How about
a pillar-and-claw dining table?

What about
that Queen Anne chair?

Eric did a very fine job.

It's a lovely piece of walnut.
You'd never know.

That's not Regency.

You know that. I know that.
Eric nearly knows it, but --

What if Joe found out?

JOE: I've told your people
a thousand times

that what this project lacks
is faces!

Docklands is a brand-new
city-within-a-city concept.

Derelict walls and Victorian
warehouses are being replaced

by gleaming office towers
and residential areas.

Come the year 2000, Docklands
will be home to 100,000-plus.

And it'll offer as many jobs
as Bristol,

a city with a workforce
of 200,000.

So pull your finger out, right?
Right.

Was that enough?

Fantastic.

Who were you talking to?

No one.
I done it for you.

I was peeing meself.

So you're supposed to be.

Listen, talking to me
is talking to 10 million quid,

and 10 million quid
does not want to be shouted at.

You've done this before,
haven't you?

Journalist
from the Financial Times

said I use the telephone
like a blunt instrument.

I like that.

Rubbished the company, though.

No, not that one, that one.

Oh.

Yeah?

Yeah, I'll tell him.

That fax you're expecting from
Brussels is coming though now.

Right. On me way.
Back in a minute, lads.

-Eric.
-What?

-Get by that door!
-What?

Stand guard and holler
when he's coming back.

-Oh, no!
-What's the matter?

-You're not frightened, are you?
-I'm terrified.

You big baby!

What are you looking for,
anyway?

I don't know.
Documents, papers, files,

anything to link him
with that Felsham deal.

And what if he comes back
the other way?

We'll be caught, won't we?

Oh, don't!
I'm too young to die.

Besides, I've got tickets
for the Guns N' Roses concert.

Tickets?
You mean you've found someone

to share
this indecent obsession with?

He's coming, he's coming!

You, uh, got enough smudges,
then?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
I should think so.

JOE:
Get yourself a cuppa, Eric.

I want a bunny
with Lovejoy only.

So, I can leave it all
up to you, then?

The portrait.

Oh, yes.
She'll start tomorrow.

Dinner the other night
at the Felshams'.

Very, very nice.

Did you notice?

Notice what?

Lady Jane.

Lady Jane?

Coming on very strong for me.

She was?

Faraway look over the port wine.

-Are you sure?
-Oh, yeah, I know that look.

I tell you, I always feel good
about a deal

if I can get a pull out of it.

Black ink on the books
and a leg over.

Lady Jane.

Sugar?

Joe says I'm sweet enough.

You've got lovely hands, Jane.

Oh, thank you.

-Not a single oven burn on 'em.
-

Oh, I'm sorry.
You don't mind?

No, not at all.

Do you know, you can tell
an awful lot about a person

from their hands.

-Have you studied it?
-No.

My friend Doreen,

you know, the one who never
conjugated her marriage,

well, she reads hands.

Hands and teacups.

I imagine the tea bag
makes that difficult.

Oh, I'd never thought of that.
I'll ask her.

Joe's got big hands.

Real diggers.

He gets right stuck in there!

I'm talking too much, aren't I?

Of course not.

Joe was a boy soldier, you know.

Joined when he was 15.

We still haven't decided
on your kitchen.

Oh.
Do we have to decide now?

No. You want to discuss it
with Joe?

I think it's best.

Does Joe do much cooking?

Oh, no!

He doesn't even know
where the kettle is.

Then you ought to decide.
It's your kitchen.

Oh.

Has Joe always been
a one-man band?

Oh, no.
He used to have a partner.

Joe says he had got
a terminal illness.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Greed.

It's Joe's little joke.

Here's one for the Gruder
collection, Regency Canterbury.

That'll be very nice for him
to put his Financial Timesin,

-wouldn't it?
-Found it in the Walworth Road.

It was a lousy sale room.

Tried to sell me a Fulham mug,
hunting scenes.

Meanwhile, Operation Joe Gruder.

I want you two
to find out all about him.

His past, his present,
and his future.

-Well, what about Lily?
-Mrs. Gruder is 18 karat.

She comes up
with some real pearls,

but she's all right,
is that Lily.

No, it's Joe I'm worried about.

If he's trying to pull something
over on the Felshams,

I want to know about it.

-Right?
-Right.

-Right?
-Right.

Right!

Oh, no, I really shouldn't.

Well, just a taste.

Oh, Tinker.

WOMAN:
That's G-r-u-d-e-r?

That's him.

-And it's for a profile?
-You got it.

Can you work
a microfiche machine?

Well, can a baby cry?

Do you want to come with me?

I bet you just love heavy metal.

Hate it.

Lil, do us a favor, girl.

Howitt, a jeweler.
He's in the book under "H."

Give him a bell.

Tell him to come down tonight,

give us a valuation
on them pearls of yours.

Does it have to be today?

Yeah, I'm going to Germany
Tuesday.

I want it wrapped up
before then.

We're underinsured, and
the burglars are on overtime.

See to it.

Keep it warm till I get back.
Ciao.

Yeah.
Okay, then, Joe.

ERIC: Joe Gruder
had a partner -- Roy Book.

He now lives in exile
on the Costa del Crime.

And Book had done time,
two lots.

What for?

GBH.

Oh, nice people.

Yeah, and another partner,
James,

known as "Pink Jim" Rutland,
haulage contractor...

-Aren't they all?
-Yeah.

...died while mackerel fishing
off Brixham.

I warned him about those shoes.

And this is the really good bit,
right?

You could take this up,
you know, Eric.

You reckon?

Get on with it.

Yeah, well, Joe was arrested
after the Brink's-Mat robbery.

You remember?

Well, no charges
were ever brought.

He don't smell of roses,
does he?

Sorry to interrupt.

Hello, darling.

Don't fiddle.

About Joe Gruder.

ALEXANDER: Yes?

I'm starting to worry.

Really?

He's been associated
with crooks!

So have you.
Lovejoy.

That was all a mistake.

Oh, I see. Lovejoy's allowed
a mistake, but Joe isn't?

That's your idea of logic?

Look, Joe's my partner, and I'm
delighted to have it that way.

-And you can tell Lovejoy --
-

Yes?

Hello? Yep.

Hold on.

-Lily Gruder.
-Oh.

Hello?

Jane, I'm in big trouble.
Could you come and meet me?

Of course.

I'm in schtuck.
Big, big schtuck.

JANE:
What's happened?

It's my pearls.

Have you lost them?

LILY: No.

Joe wants me to get a jeweler in
and have them valued.

What's wrong with that?

Well, my son Alan, you know,
the one I told you about.

-The one Joe disowns?
-Yeah. Well...

he needed some money
to migrate to Australia.

Yes?

So I hocked 'em.

JANE: When?

Um...

two weeks ago.

You were wearing pearls
the other day.

Oh, no, no.
They were paste-ups.

Where are they, then?

They're in Bishop's Stortford,
and the shop's shut,

and the man's gone to Holland,
and Joe says it has to be today!

Well, you'll just have to
tell him to wait.

Tell him it can't be today.

You can't tell Joe "can't."

They're my wedding present.

Joe will kill me.

-Right.
-Thank you.

Mr. Howitt, Joe Gruder.

Did Lily call you?

She didn't?

Damn.

I reckon she might be onto me.

Yes, you can.

How are you fixed for tonight?

And they'd do that, would they?
They'd send a man down?

For Joe?
Oh, yeah, he's a good customer.

He may even have money
in the firm.

Well?

I agree with Lily.
Trouble.

Oh, I'm so frightened!

Joe's a sweetie,
but when he's cross --

Yeah. I promised Lily
you'd think of something.

Well, that's nice.

Lovejoy's very resourceful,
aren't you?

Very.

This Robinson, money lender,
he's closed until tomorrow?

Oh, yes. It's the christening
of his daughter's baby.

-Where?
-LILY: Amsterdam.

Handy.

Well?

Don't rush me.

We've only got until tonight.

Hang about.

Fancy a refill?

I don't mind.

Same again.
Make it a large one.

Ship come in?

I need a small favor.

Cruelly insolvent at the moment,
old bean.

It's not money.

-It's notmoney?
-It's your body.

TINKER:
Lovejoy.

I want to borrow it tonight
to impersonate a jeweler.

You pulling my whatsit?

It's only for an hour.

To help out Lily.

Of Joe and Lily?

Lovejoy, I wouldn't go near
that man if I were you.

Remember what Eric's found out.

He's a leg-breaker
from way back.

He's a pussycat.

Well, he's not getting his claws
into me.

This body is too old to mend.

That's it?

That's it.

That's your final word?

Final.

Right.
I'll tell Jane, then.

-Jane?
-Mm.

Jane's idea.

I said you hadn't got
the bottle.

It was Jane's idea?

Jane thinks highly of you.

Well, thoughthighly of you.

No, hang on.

Lily!

May I introduce Major Dill,
jeweler extraordinaire.

Hello, Tinker.

Joe's not back yet.
He'll be here any minute.

Come on in.

JOE: Lily?

Lil?

Oh, Lovejoy.

-Hello, Joe.
-Nice surprise.

This is Major Dill,
an old friend of mine.

-Joe Gruder.
-Major.

-Sir.
-Any friend of Lovejoy's...

-What regiment?
-TINKER: Fusiliers.

Oh. Tower of London.

Major Dill's a jeweler.

Jeweler?

Yes, we heard you wanted
some pearls valued.

You never called Howitt.

I tried, Joe,
but I couldn't get through.

Oh, I thought
you must've forgotten.

So I dropped by
and picked him up.

Yes, well, um, one jeweler's
company, two's a crowd.

I think I'll yield --

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You sit down, Major.

Two heads are better than one,
aren't they, Joe?

Mr. Howitt, right?

If you say so.

So...

Asprey's.

At least the case is a good one.

You like pearls, do you, Major?

Yes, I like them well enough.

Anybody want their drinks
freshening?

No, thank you.

Yeah, well.

No point in poncing about,
is there?

You care to kick off, Major?

-Or...
-No, no, no, please.

No, you kick off, Major.

Yes, well, pearls, you know,

are notoriously difficult
to price.

No, I didn't.

Oh, yes. The greater pearl,
for example, La Peregrina,

the one that Burton
gave to Taylor,

they are virtually priceless.

Don't stop, Major.

One should always examine pearls
against a pale background,

because the pearl,
if it is a true pearl,

is a responsive surface.

They assume the color and the
texture of their surroundings.

Like the lady's skin.

TINKER: Exactly!

Now, question one --
natural or cultured?

Natural, one would say,

because of the size
and the match.

Color's interesting.
Slightly pink.

Almost apricot.

Southeast Asia, I'd suggest.

They're not that old.
30, 40 years.

Perhaps a little less.

The luster, the gleam,
is strong but gentle.

Pearls tend to fade

if they're not worn
next to the lady's skin.

Dull pearls, my dear,
are pearls that are not worn.

Fascinating, Major, but you
didn't say anything about worth.

What are they worth?

Um...

Well, as the major
looked and spoke first,

perhaps Mr. Howitt
would like to price them first?

Without scales, without X-rays,
without breaking up the string,

but knowing something
of their history,

something of their history,

I'd say approximately,
and it has to be approximate,

£42,000.

JOE: Major?

I'm afraid I don't agree.

-JOE: You don't?
-No!

What would you say, then?

I'd say that Mister...

Howitt.

TINKER:
Mr. Howitt is way off the mark.

I'd say £45,000.

Perhaps even more.

Never, ever do that to me again.

You were terrific!

That sort of man could put you
in touch with your ancestors.

-How'd you do it?
-Do what?

Make him say what he did.

I don't know.

Could they be genuine?

TINKER:
Search me.

I couldn't tell pearls
from barley sugar.

Dear Lily.
Bless her.

She could've hocked
the wrong ones.

And Robinson gave her £900
for paste and water?

Yeah, it's hardly likely, is it?

Oi!

Who's playing silly buggers,
then?

LOVEJOY: We were about to
ask you the same question.

You sussed they was falsies,
then?

Joe, it was obvious
from where I was sitting.

A blind man
would've spotted them.

When I saw you two
sitting in there...

damn near dumped me lunch,
I can tell you!

Saved my Danish, you two have.

Could you explain, Joe?

Oh, yeah.

Well, about four year ago,
big property gig goes belly-up.

Suddenly, I'm completely
brassic, skint as a fart.

It's car-boot time.

All the jewelry,
the Krugerrands,

Hanson shares,
even Lily's pearls.

I swapped them for some dreck.

Now I'm back in the moola,
I need to replace them PDQ.

Can you imagine
if Lily found out her chokers,

her wedding present,
nothing but paste and pee?

She'd slice 'em off.
Never forgive me. Never.

There you go, my son.

A small token.

Oh, I made it out to "bearer."

What with all the excitement
and everything,

I couldn't remember your name.

LILY: Joe!

Mr. Howitt's come over
all of a sweat.

I've left him with his head
between his knees!

Oh, yeah, well...

Yeah, I'll come and see to him.

All right.

Fusilier wearing
an artillery tie!

I'll take that, Major.
You might lose it.

Playfair white marble
chimney piece.

How much?

Estimated £15,000, 25,000.

I'll pass.

Pair of colorful Meissen vases?

Something you said, Tink.

Meissen?

No, last night.

About Robinson shelling out
for paste pearls.

It was a good question.
Still is.

Lovejoy Antiques.

Janey.
I was just about to call you.

JANE:
"Credit & Finance."

LOVEJOY:
In other words, "pawnbroker."

Do they still exist?

What a lovely, sheltered life
you lead, Janey.

Now, why would he pay up
for phony pearls?

Yeah, why, indeed.

Perhaps Lily charmed him.

Well, she showed him
the paperwork.

Original receipt
plus insurance valuation.

Perhaps he just didn't
check on them.

Gruder's name's very well-known.

Did you find out any more
about Alex's deal?

He's selling Joe some land.

They're developing it together.

Taking out the gravel

and turning it into something
like a bird sanctuary.

Sounds very green.

Joe Gruder green?

Not exactly the color
that springs to mind.

You don't think he could get
Alexander into trouble, do you?

He wouldn't let me have them.

-What? Why not?
-What? Why not?

He said they were paste,
but they weren't.

They were the real ones.

LOVEJOY:
Blackmail.

Well, remember what Howitt said
last night about £42,000?

Yes, that's right, yes?

You hocked the wrong ones.

I suppose so.

Real or false...

let's get 'em back.

Lovejoy's very resourceful.

-Robinson.
-Yes?

You know me?

Well, you should.
Joe Gruder.

My wife's pearls.

They aren't pearls.

Tell me something I don't know.

I accepted them in good faith.
I gave her my check for £900.

They aren't worth £50.
That is fraud.

Thank you for the legal lesson.

She's got two sets,
one real, one phony.

The real ones used
for special occasions,

the other for everyday use.

She played you the wrong string.

No, I'm sorry.
I don't believe you.

You've got 30 seconds
to change your mind.

It's not a very good view.

What isn't?

Looking through two pennies
at the lid of a pine box.

You've made it out for a grand.

A ton for your trouble,
Mr. Robinson.

Why "bearer"?

I wouldn't want anything
in writing

linking my name with yours.

Just in case.

Oh!

Oh, Joe!

-ERIC: Lovejoy?
-Mm?

ERIC:
These pictures of Joe Gruder.

Yeah. Oh, get them
over to Patricia.

The sooner she has them,
the sooner she can start.

No, there's a plan on
the office wall behind his head.

It's part of the Felsham estate.

It's probably the bit
they're developing together.

No, but it says "Odyssey Park."

There's no park there.
Look.

LOVEJOY:
I missed it, Eric.

Tink, your friend
in the planning office?

Reggie Partridge?

Yeah. See what "Odyssey Park"
means to him.

You are too kind.

Whoa, whoa!

I really shouldn't.

TINKER:
Odyssey Park.

Odyssey Park, Reg?
Did it ring any bells?

Permission first applied for
July of this year.

May one ask who applied?

The architects representing

the Felsham-Gruder
Development Corporation.

And has permission been granted?

Oh. God moves mysteriously
but not that fast.

Still, with the Felsham name
attached,

I can't envisage
any particular objections.

Reg, what is an Odyssey Park
when it's at home?

A theme park.

I thought they were
just shifting the gravel.

Oh, yes, and then building
on the site.

What sort of theme park?

A history of boats
through the ages.

Everything from
the Roman coracle to the QEII.

There'll be an adjacent motel,
shopping precinct, caravan site.

Oh, yes.

It'll provide a lot of jobs.

It's a relatively high
unemployment area.

And it'll rape the countryside.

Can't please everyone,
Mr. Lovejoy.

What, if anything,
has this got to do with Jane?

It's the one way
I knew I could get you here.

Ah, yes, I thought as much.

She's my friend.
I care what happens to her.

Such altruism, Lovejoy.

All right, then,
tell me what is going to happen.

She'll be discredited
and made to look a fool.

And what affects her affects me.

Yeah, but she's the friend.
You're the husband.

I wish you'd remember that
more often.

Okay, Alex.

You're digging out the gravel,
then what?

I don't have to explain.

Humor me.

ALEXANDER:
All right, then.

According to
the geologist's survey,

the pits will soon
fill up with water,

and then we'll turn it into
a mere or a bird sanctuary.

What happens to the gee-gees?

They'll be resettled.

By the Big Dipper?

What are you going on about?

Oh, Alex, you've been conned.

Oh, not that again.
We've been through all this!

Odyssey theme park.

"Man's love affair
with the boat."

I think, Alex, they'll probably
put The Kingfisher --

that's the 80-bed motel --
over there next to The Kestrel.

That's the shopping precinct.

And, of course, not forgetting
The Seagull caravan site.

Oh, my God.

One thing.
You didn't hear it from me.

I've just heard about Patricia.

Premium bond came up.
She went to Florence to paint.

We'll never get anybody
to paint the portrait in time.

Never.

TINKER:

Joe, what is it?

That bastard Felsham.

He's backed out.

Welshed on me.

-Why?
-I don't know.

It must have been you,
said something to Lady Jane!

I didn't, I swear it!

Pissed, probably.

Aah! I didn't!

Shouldn't trust no one never!

Honest to God, it wasn't me.

Well, how did Felsham find out?
You didn't tell him, who did?

It could've been anyone.

-Who?
-Anybody!

Names.
Give me some names.

I don't know!
Somebody in the office.

Why would they do it? They'll
all be earning wages out of it.

Who?
Who do we know?

Who we come in contact with?

Who's been here
or to the office? Who --

Bring that weasel here.
Yes, now.

Well, use your brains.
Just do it.

No-good toe-rag.
I'll have him over, so help me.

Joe.

It wasn't Lovejoy.
It were me.

You what?

Joe.

You don't need them Felshams.

You're Joe Gruder.

The Joe Gruder.

You don't need no favors
from half-soaked aristocrats.

I mean, they're nice people
in their way,

but they're not
our sort of people, Joe.

What you've got,
what you've made

you've made yourself with
a shovel, not silver spoons.

You don't need no favors,
not now.

You're big enough and good
enough to make it on your own,

believe me, Joe.

Please believe me.

And that's why you told him?

Yes.

No, Joe!

God, you're a lousy liar.

But you're beautiful, doll.

Cross me heart, Lily, you
ever left me, I'd be blitzed.

Wouldn't know me ass
from a hole in the ground.

LILY:
Oh, Joe!

Ah, yes. Mr Gruder's portrait.

I don't suppose you could wait,
could you,

say, a couple of hours?

No, I didn't think you could.

Bet Annigoni
never had this trouble.

The lengths some people go to
to get a portrait delivered.

You two, outside.

LOVEJOY:
Almost finished.

Going well, eh?

JOE:
You'redoing it?

What do you take me for?
A schmuck or something?

Half price?

Why, Lovejoy?
Why did you do it?

Well, for one thing,
she's gone away.

JOE:
No, I didn't mean that.

I meant Felsham.
Why did you tell him?

You wouldn't understand.

Try me.

Alex, Jane --
They're my friends.

I didn't want
to see them conned.

What about you and me?
We were friends, weren't we?

Same kind of people.

No, not really.

Come on, leave it out.

You find a turd,
you sell it as Louis Quinze.

I do the same.
What's the difference?

Difference is,
you don't do it to friends.

Where do you think
their money came from?

Conning the peasants,
cheating 'em out of their land.

A field here, a field there.

There are certain things
you don't do to friends,

no matter what the deal is.

It's just like...

certain things
you can't put a price on.

Name one.

LILY:

Hello!

Best deal you ever made,
and it didn't cost you a penny.

Get out while you're ahead
and while you've still got one.

I ever see you again,
I'll have you over, right?

Right.

Right.

Don't want me to finish it,
do you?

-Bye, Lily!
-Bye!

Ahh!