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1
00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:06,541
[tapping]
2
00:00:06,621 --> 00:00:09,141
Anyone watching thinking we know fuck all
3
00:00:09,221 --> 00:00:12,541
about knowing fuck all about owt,
needs to watch their backs!
4
00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:13,500
Oh!
5
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:18,381
So you've had your Labour, reclassifying
skunk, sending prices sky-high.
6
00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:22,261
Literally, literally,
taking the grass from its own roots.
7
00:00:22,341 --> 00:00:25,101
And now you've got your Con-Dem-Nation.
8
00:00:25,181 --> 00:00:28,861
Liberals noshing Tories
like altar boys picking dimps up.
9
00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:32,341
Have we had a national
fucking stroke or what?
10
00:00:32,421 --> 00:00:36,141
Is revolution a word or was it never?
11
00:00:36,220 --> 00:00:37,941
Anybody watching needs to know,
12
00:00:38,021 --> 00:00:42,181
we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.
13
00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:45,501
Well, for fuck's sake,
we live in Manchester,
14
00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:48,381
and they charge us for water?
15
00:00:48,461 --> 00:00:53,061
I wandered lonely as a clown,
necking mushrooms rarely found.
16
00:00:53,141 --> 00:00:56,781
This green
and pleasant land in ancient time.
17
00:00:56,860 --> 00:00:59,381
Yak! Yak! Yak! Yak! Yak! Yak!
18
00:00:59,461 --> 00:01:02,661
It's not theirs any more.
19
00:01:02,741 --> 00:01:05,821
-This is our England now!
-[cheering]
20
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:07,861
Party!
21
00:01:07,941 --> 00:01:09,901
[theme music]
22
00:01:12,821 --> 00:01:15,861
[door creaking]
23
00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:21,181
[Mimi] Some people say parenting
is the hardest thing in the world.
24
00:01:21,261 --> 00:01:24,500
Cilla, it's too early,
darling, go back to bed.
25
00:01:26,381 --> 00:01:27,661
Do you want your brekkie then?
26
00:01:27,741 --> 00:01:30,860
Those people
have never brokered major drug deals
27
00:01:30,941 --> 00:01:33,181
between gangs of Scousers and Mancs,
28
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:36,700
robbed post offices
or smuggled a mobile phone
29
00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:39,181
and charger in Strangeways.
30
00:01:41,341 --> 00:01:43,700
Mothering's a natural thing.
31
00:01:43,780 --> 00:01:46,821
It's not something
you need to work at, you just do it.
32
00:01:46,901 --> 00:01:51,140
Make sure they're fed, watered,
pick 'em up if they fall over
33
00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:52,901
and other than that...
34
00:01:52,981 --> 00:01:56,580
Eat that, then sleep. Night!
35
00:01:56,661 --> 00:01:58,261
Make sure they do as they're told.
36
00:01:58,341 --> 00:01:59,981
["9 To 5" playing]
37
00:02:05,741 --> 00:02:07,060
[alarm clock goes off]
38
00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:09,220
♪ Tumble outta bed
And I stumble to the kitchen ♪
39
00:02:09,301 --> 00:02:11,540
♪ Pour myself a cup of ambition ♪
40
00:02:11,621 --> 00:02:15,100
♪ And yawn and stretch
And try to come to life ♪
41
00:02:16,820 --> 00:02:17,701
-♪ Jump in the shower ♪
-Ah.
42
00:02:17,781 --> 00:02:18,861
♪ And the blood starts pumpin' ♪
43
00:02:18,941 --> 00:02:21,141
♪ Out on the street
The traffic starts jumpin' ♪
44
00:02:21,221 --> 00:02:25,301
♪ With folks like me
On the job from nine to five ♪
45
00:02:25,380 --> 00:02:26,540
[music stops]
46
00:02:31,380 --> 00:02:33,941
If I'm up, every fucker's up.
47
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:36,221
[voice echoes] Fire!
48
00:02:36,301 --> 00:02:38,260
Fire!
49
00:02:38,341 --> 00:02:42,141
Quick! There's a big fuck-off fire,
people are dying!
50
00:02:42,221 --> 00:02:44,181
Please, someone, help!
51
00:02:45,301 --> 00:02:47,221
["9 To 5" continues]
52
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:53,380
-[woman] Morning, Frank.
-Yeah...
53
00:02:58,861 --> 00:03:00,661
Morning, Pillhead.
54
00:03:00,741 --> 00:03:02,861
Another warehouse project
last night, was it?
55
00:03:02,941 --> 00:03:04,861
-Yeah, man.
-Yeah, man.
56
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,820
Eh, don't forget.
57
00:03:08,901 --> 00:03:11,380
Smile! You're about to step onstage.
58
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:29,141
-[Wesley] Frank?
-Boss man!
59
00:03:29,221 --> 00:03:31,581
This is Cheryl, our latest newbie.
60
00:03:31,661 --> 00:03:36,461
You'll show her the ropes, won't you,
as our longest serving team member?
61
00:03:36,540 --> 00:03:38,221
I've only been here a week.
62
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:43,341
[music playing loudly]
63
00:03:52,420 --> 00:03:54,021
[music stops]
64
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,941
Everything going okay? Yeah?
65
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,581
-[music starts playing again]
-Woo...
66
00:04:00,661 --> 00:04:03,420
Walk this way. And what we say is...
67
00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:06,741
-Have a great day.
-Have a great day.
68
00:04:09,341 --> 00:04:12,221
[Shane] Oh, jeez...
You think you could find a bigger chair?
69
00:04:12,301 --> 00:04:13,941
[Jamie] Yeah, tell me about it.
70
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,221
Drop it down your end.
71
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:17,381
Not you!
72
00:04:17,461 --> 00:04:20,300
[Karen] For God's sake, why don't you
just pick the bleeding thing up?
73
00:04:20,381 --> 00:04:22,861
Why won't you do what I ask?
74
00:04:22,941 --> 00:04:25,060
-Right, sit there.
-What's going on?
75
00:04:25,141 --> 00:04:27,821
He won't do his drawing
at the table so there's felt tip all over.
76
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:30,381
Right, you sit there,
and you're drinking that juice.
77
00:04:30,461 --> 00:04:31,861
He's only a baby.
78
00:04:31,941 --> 00:04:33,941
He's wrecking the place. Look!
79
00:04:35,821 --> 00:04:37,981
-It's not funny, Mimi.
-But it kind of is.
80
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:41,060
-What, drawing a co...
-[Jamie] Rocket.
81
00:04:41,141 --> 00:04:42,301
Rocket.
82
00:04:42,381 --> 00:04:46,221
Drawing a rocket all over the doors
and all over the walls isn't right.
83
00:04:46,301 --> 00:04:48,060
Karen, boys will be boys.
84
00:04:48,141 --> 00:04:50,701
Our Micky was always drawing c...
85
00:04:50,781 --> 00:04:51,821
rockets.
86
00:04:51,901 --> 00:04:54,821
He was obsessed with 'em,
draw 'em morning till night.
87
00:04:54,901 --> 00:04:57,781
There was rockets here, there.
They were all over the place.
88
00:04:57,861 --> 00:04:59,821
They weren't
all over your living room walls.
89
00:04:59,901 --> 00:05:01,581
-It's not normal.
-He's only a kid.
90
00:05:01,661 --> 00:05:03,581
What is the point
of us buying nice furniture,
91
00:05:03,661 --> 00:05:06,861
trying to make the place look good,
when he's just gonna trash it?
92
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,101
You need to show him who's boss.
Give him a little smack.
93
00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:10,901
And you think that's what he needs?
94
00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:15,301
Give you a tap on the arse,
didn't do you any harm, did it?
95
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:17,581
[Shane] I've been such a naughty boy.
96
00:05:17,661 --> 00:05:19,981
Oof! Naughtier than that!
97
00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:23,021
Yeah.
98
00:05:23,101 --> 00:05:25,461
Well, me and Jamie
don't believe in hitting, do we?
99
00:05:25,541 --> 00:05:28,620
Give over. You two
have knocked out half of Chatsworth.
100
00:05:28,701 --> 00:05:30,740
Hitting Connor.
101
00:05:30,821 --> 00:05:36,180
Fair but firm.
Kids need structure, boundaries and rules.
102
00:05:36,261 --> 00:05:37,101
Connor, no!
103
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,461
Aren't you supposed to be at school?
104
00:05:42,541 --> 00:05:44,221
It's only assembly and shit like that.
105
00:05:44,301 --> 00:05:46,301
It doesn't matter what it is.
Get your arse down there
106
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,901
before education
start banging on us door again.
107
00:05:50,461 --> 00:05:52,421
-Now!
-All right, keep your wig on.
108
00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,380
I mean it, Aidan,
we don't need the hassle.
109
00:05:54,461 --> 00:05:55,781
Yeah, yeah.
110
00:05:55,861 --> 00:05:59,301
Show off in front of your little mate
and you'll get a boot up the arse, lad.
111
00:06:04,901 --> 00:06:06,821
She's not bad, your mum.
I'd well slip her one.
112
00:06:06,901 --> 00:06:09,301
She ain't my mum.
She's just some prozzie who crashes here.
113
00:06:14,101 --> 00:06:18,500
-I wanted to go to uni.
-Why didn't you?
114
00:06:18,581 --> 00:06:21,421
-Not much point nowadays, is there?
-[Frank] Was there ever?
115
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,981
What are you doing out there?
116
00:06:24,060 --> 00:06:26,461
Just showing Cheryl the ropes,
you know, like you said.
117
00:06:26,541 --> 00:06:29,221
Got to get her up to speed
on the rule book, haven't we?
118
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:31,380
Well, can you carry on inside?
119
00:06:31,461 --> 00:06:33,060
It's the lunchtime rush.
I need you on the counter.
120
00:06:33,141 --> 00:06:34,021
I'm on my way.
121
00:06:34,101 --> 00:06:37,661
Look, hold up. We're just grabbing
a fresh lung full of, you know,
122
00:06:37,740 --> 00:06:39,500
-and we'll be right there.
-[woman] Wesley!
123
00:06:41,380 --> 00:06:42,380
-Be quick.
-[Frank] Yeah.
124
00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:48,261
-If they're short-staffed, shouldn't we...
-What's the worst that can happen?
125
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:51,261
Some lard-arse is going to be
two minutes late getting their burger?
126
00:06:51,341 --> 00:06:54,901
Can't have management
throwing their weight around, can we?
127
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:55,861
Wankers.
128
00:06:57,581 --> 00:07:01,701
Oi. That fucking chair
is completely stuck now.
129
00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:06,341
Robbed the library?
130
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,380
Free The Child, Free the Mother.
131
00:07:10,461 --> 00:07:12,781
[laughs]
132
00:07:12,861 --> 00:07:18,380
-By Professor Alex Yates.
-Got some really good ideas, actually.
133
00:07:18,461 --> 00:07:21,421
"You and your child
will discover the secret
134
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:25,861
to smash through the glass ceiling
and unlock the gateway
135
00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:30,221
to a new world of freedom,
happiness and success."
136
00:07:31,260 --> 00:07:33,301
No harm in having a little bit of help.
137
00:07:35,981 --> 00:07:38,701
Eh, ease up, will you?
You know she's struggling.
138
00:07:38,781 --> 00:07:41,620
I told her, kids need rules.
139
00:07:41,701 --> 00:07:45,901
I brought you up on strict rules.
Never done you any harm.
140
00:07:45,981 --> 00:07:47,661
You broke my rules, mate,
141
00:07:47,740 --> 00:07:50,701
so now I've got to break
something of yours, yeah?
142
00:07:50,781 --> 00:07:51,940
No!
143
00:07:52,021 --> 00:07:53,541
-[scream]
-Oh, no...
144
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:54,981
Get us a vodka.
145
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:58,861
Just don't let it spin out of control,
Mam. I know what you're fucking like.
146
00:07:58,940 --> 00:08:00,461
I doubt he meant it.
147
00:08:00,541 --> 00:08:02,141
Oh, he meant it all right.
148
00:08:02,221 --> 00:08:05,021
I mean, maybe he meant it affectionately?
149
00:08:05,101 --> 00:08:07,620
"Just some prozzie who crashes
here"? How is that affectionate?
150
00:08:09,301 --> 00:08:12,141
His mum's a prost... Hooker?
151
00:08:12,221 --> 00:08:14,500
-Sex worker.
-Sex worker.
152
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:18,461
-So maybe he don't know any different.
-He thinks all women are prostitutes?
153
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:19,581
Yeah, could be.
154
00:08:19,661 --> 00:08:22,301
-I'm gonna have to work on him.
-But you're a woman and a pros...
155
00:08:24,901 --> 00:08:26,141
Sex worker.
156
00:08:31,421 --> 00:08:33,861
Mayo the burgers,
wrap 'em up, get 'em out.
157
00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:37,621
Mayo the burgers,
wrap 'em up, get... Pillhead?
158
00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:40,980
Oh, fuck!
159
00:08:43,541 --> 00:08:45,581
Oh, fucking hell!
160
00:08:45,661 --> 00:08:47,181
[Frank] Rinse them under the tap. Hm?
161
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:52,581
-We're gonna have to shut the shop down.
-If we're closed, we don't get paid.
162
00:08:52,661 --> 00:08:54,941
Shut down, everyone. Shut it down.
163
00:08:55,021 --> 00:08:56,100
[Frank] What's the problem?
164
00:08:56,181 --> 00:08:59,100
Nothing. Aside from him chucking up
in the deep fat fryer, nothing.
165
00:08:59,181 --> 00:09:01,621
-Absolutely nothing.
-What, in there?
166
00:09:01,701 --> 00:09:02,541
I told him I felt rough.
167
00:09:02,621 --> 00:09:06,661
We'll have to kill the fryer,
cool the oil, drain, clean...
168
00:09:06,741 --> 00:09:10,141
-Whoa, whoa! We don't have to do that.
-There are health and safety issues.
169
00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:12,980
-This is a breach of company guidelines.
-I'm on full wages.
170
00:09:13,061 --> 00:09:15,741
Chapter three,
subsection B, "Bodily fluids".
171
00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:18,220
This is a code red.
I need to close the shop.
172
00:09:18,301 --> 00:09:20,941
If you shut it down,
you won't hit your targets.
173
00:09:21,021 --> 00:09:23,061
It's boiling fat,
nothing can live in there.
174
00:09:23,141 --> 00:09:25,421
Just scoop the lumps out and carry on.
175
00:09:25,501 --> 00:09:28,021
Yeah, if we knew
it was contaminated, we'd drain it
176
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,941
but if we didn't know...
177
00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:33,261
-I couldn't--
-You're out front serving customers.
178
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,021
You don't know about it, do you?
179
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:38,301
It'll all be fine. Trust me.
180
00:09:38,381 --> 00:09:40,741
You, go and stick your head in the fridge.
181
00:09:40,821 --> 00:09:43,901
Cheryl, front of house with Tracy.
Akeeba, that's right, fresh fries.
182
00:09:43,980 --> 00:09:46,901
Wesley, you clear that up. Come on!
183
00:09:46,980 --> 00:09:48,661
Big time.
184
00:09:52,661 --> 00:09:54,581
Anyone for pakora?
185
00:10:07,621 --> 00:10:08,581
Come on!
186
00:10:17,261 --> 00:10:18,541
World of Burger...
187
00:10:19,741 --> 00:10:22,541
World of Pleasure. Mm-hm.
188
00:10:25,421 --> 00:10:30,181
Oh-ho! Well done, Teamsters!
[laughs]
189
00:10:30,261 --> 00:10:33,061
Right, come on, smokers, fill your lungs.
190
00:10:33,141 --> 00:10:35,661
-You can cover for us, can't you?
-I'm in charge!
191
00:10:35,741 --> 00:10:37,421
Yeah, course you are.
192
00:10:43,701 --> 00:10:46,340
Fifty quid for a moggy.
193
00:10:46,421 --> 00:10:50,501
I'm brassic and this stupid lunatic
is offering 50 fucking quid for a furball.
194
00:10:50,581 --> 00:10:52,301
Stupid like that, aren't they?
195
00:10:52,381 --> 00:10:54,340
They get all emotional over daft shit.
196
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,581
If they're on their moon.
197
00:10:55,661 --> 00:10:57,941
Nah, man, my policy's sorted.
198
00:10:58,021 --> 00:11:00,821
In-and-out, no involvement,
no trouble, no fucking headache.
199
00:11:00,901 --> 00:11:06,100
Drop your cocks and grab your socks,
we are off to the flicks.
200
00:11:06,181 --> 00:11:08,621
I'm taking you to see a film.
201
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:12,340
Him, not you,
and no, don't touch your penis.
202
00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:21,621
No, you can't get the fucking staff.
203
00:11:25,781 --> 00:11:27,021
Hey, Teamsters!
204
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:31,021
We've got a shift on.
Come on, let's get a, er, shift on.
205
00:11:34,421 --> 00:11:38,980
Ooh, er, wait up, Frank.
You're not on the counter this afternoon.
206
00:11:39,061 --> 00:11:41,340
I've got something
more suited to your talents.
207
00:11:41,421 --> 00:11:46,301
World of Burgers chicken deal...
World of Burgers chicken deal.
208
00:11:46,381 --> 00:11:51,100
World of Burgers, the ultimate chicken.
Fills you up, doesn't let you down.
209
00:11:51,181 --> 00:11:54,621
Come on, love,
fair is fowl and fowl is fair.
210
00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:03,980
You do not want to know
what two Cokes just cost me.
211
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:08,021
This so-called cinema
is so far up its own fucking arse,
212
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:09,941
they don't even sell popcorn.
213
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:13,781
We could've went to a normal pictures,
with normal films like normal people.
214
00:12:13,860 --> 00:12:15,501
This has a strong woman in the lead,
215
00:12:15,581 --> 00:12:20,301
cos sometimes films
just show women as pieces of meat.
216
00:12:20,381 --> 00:12:21,821
Oh.
217
00:12:21,901 --> 00:12:24,141
Women aren't just pieces of meat.
218
00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:28,220
-We're a lot more than that.
-Yeah. We've got our differences.
219
00:12:28,301 --> 00:12:34,581
Men and women, yeah, not just shagging...
We've got, like, different roles.
220
00:12:34,661 --> 00:12:35,740
-Yeah.
-They go way back,
221
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:37,581
-like when we were cavemen and that.
-Yeah.
222
00:12:37,661 --> 00:12:40,141
-But that's not exclusive to men.
-Yeah, but women...
223
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:42,100
Women just stayed in the caves,
carrying wood,
224
00:12:42,181 --> 00:12:44,381
looking after the kids
and cooking the men's food.
225
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:48,701
But times have changed, haven't they?
It's not really like that any more, is it?
226
00:12:48,781 --> 00:12:52,581
No. Men sign on and go to the pub
while women fuck around with their nails.
227
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:57,261
-Can I have a shot?
-You're underage.
228
00:12:57,340 --> 00:13:00,061
Oh. And how old were you when you started?
229
00:13:00,141 --> 00:13:01,261
C'mon.
230
00:13:08,381 --> 00:13:10,340
-Shane.
-Y'ello.
231
00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:13,381
I'm a good mum, aren't I?
232
00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:17,501
-Aren't I?
-Yeah.
233
00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:21,781
Well, you don't seem too sure.
234
00:13:24,181 --> 00:13:26,141
Well, you're the only one
I've had, aren't you?
235
00:13:26,220 --> 00:13:27,661
I've no-one else to compare you to.
236
00:13:30,901 --> 00:13:32,980
I've been good to you lot.
237
00:13:34,541 --> 00:13:37,381
Except for the time
you stashed drugs in Mandy's dolls, yeah.
238
00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:39,581
Taught her about safe places.
239
00:13:39,661 --> 00:13:41,421
And when you took Mickey prison visiting
240
00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:44,460
when he was ten years old,
and you left him in Strangeways.
241
00:13:46,061 --> 00:13:48,301
Taught him to respect authority.
242
00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:49,460
Mm.
243
00:13:49,541 --> 00:13:55,501
All in all, I've done a pretty good job.
Ha! See you later.
244
00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:01,541
I hit these targets
and I'll be up for the new outlet
245
00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:03,141
at the Trafford Centre,
246
00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:05,781
and that would mean
that there'd be a vacancy right here
247
00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:09,061
for some bright young go-getter.
248
00:14:10,581 --> 00:14:13,141
Well, we could, erm,
celebrate the restaurant's birthday?
249
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,941
We could pretend
it's been here five years or something?
250
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:18,781
We could celebrate
the restaurant's birthday!
251
00:14:18,860 --> 00:14:21,821
Decorate it with balloons,
and wear party hats,
252
00:14:21,901 --> 00:14:25,061
and play disco music,
you know, Agadoo and all that.
253
00:14:25,141 --> 00:14:26,141
What do you think?
254
00:14:28,021 --> 00:14:31,661
Yeah. Yeah. That's a great idea, yeah.
255
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:38,620
-Burger me! Sorry.
-[chuckling] Okay, Frankie?
256
00:14:38,701 --> 00:14:40,821
-How did it go?
-Great!
257
00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:42,500
Here you go. Wanna see?
258
00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:45,061
I've got to do me fucking job
here, y'know what I mean?
259
00:14:45,141 --> 00:14:45,980
Hold that.
260
00:14:47,021 --> 00:14:48,581
[laughs]
261
00:14:50,941 --> 00:14:53,220
It was a proper, proper laugh!
262
00:14:53,301 --> 00:14:57,061
And I met this bloke
dressed as a pint, promoting this pub,
263
00:14:57,141 --> 00:15:00,340
and he gave me all
these beer tokens for all of us!
264
00:15:01,941 --> 00:15:03,500
-[Frank] Yeah!
-Brilliant.
265
00:15:04,740 --> 00:15:08,661
Take the costume off,
Frank, you look like a cock.
266
00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:09,740
Back to work!
267
00:15:13,661 --> 00:15:15,220
[Mimi] Twenty fags, please, Ches.
268
00:15:15,301 --> 00:15:16,821
It's just meat, Lillian, just meat.
269
00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:18,701
-They should say "meat", then.
-But they do.
270
00:15:18,781 --> 00:15:20,821
-"Halal meat".
-Er, hello?
271
00:15:20,901 --> 00:15:23,340
-But why can't they just say "meat"?
-Because it's halal!
272
00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:25,381
[thud and clattering]
273
00:15:25,460 --> 00:15:27,021
Connor!
274
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,661
[Mimi] Jesus, Karen,
control him, can't you?
275
00:15:29,740 --> 00:15:31,141
Sorry, Ches.
276
00:15:33,941 --> 00:15:36,261
One just grabs this sign
and went "my big cock", y'know?
277
00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:39,581
-Yeah, I fucking get it.
-Oi!
278
00:15:39,661 --> 00:15:42,421
You're not automatically entitled
to cigarette breaks, you know.
279
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:43,860
They're at my discretion.
280
00:15:46,421 --> 00:15:47,941
Balloons. Five hundred.
281
00:15:48,021 --> 00:15:51,021
We had a pump, but it's broken.
282
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,381
Get blowing, Frank.
283
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:53,980
You're joking?
284
00:16:04,740 --> 00:16:06,340
Ah, fantastic!
285
00:16:06,421 --> 00:16:08,541
Well done, Teamsters.
286
00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:12,980
Come on, balloons all round.
[laughs]
287
00:16:13,061 --> 00:16:17,181
Whoa, ho-ho. This isn't DIY fucking SOS!
288
00:16:17,261 --> 00:16:20,100
It's just an old man blowing up
some balloons, right?
289
00:16:21,421 --> 00:16:24,141
Get back to work, all of you.
290
00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:27,100
It's just a bit of teamwork, you know.
You ought to celebrate that.
291
00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:34,141
Now, remember, team, as you scrub
to within an inch of your lives,
292
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:37,821
that this is all Frank Gallagher's fault.
293
00:16:37,901 --> 00:16:39,460
I've done nothing wrong!
294
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:44,980
I'm the manager. Not you, me.
And no more fag breaks.
295
00:16:46,021 --> 00:16:47,781
Looked dead interesting.
296
00:16:49,181 --> 00:16:52,860
-What d'you reckon?
-It had subtitles.
297
00:16:52,941 --> 00:16:54,661
And?
298
00:16:54,740 --> 00:16:56,901
Is that it?
Is that the extent of your review?
299
00:16:56,980 --> 00:17:00,261
Okay, I thought it was...
300
00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:03,581
a very interesting take
on gender politics,
301
00:17:03,661 --> 00:17:07,380
-and a muscular piece of film-making...
-You're just reading that from the poster,
302
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:10,340
-aren't you?
-[Aidan chuckles]
303
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:11,380
Yeah.
304
00:17:12,420 --> 00:17:14,821
-Bag of shite, wasn't it?
-Yeah.
305
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,940
Come on, let's go get wasted.
306
00:17:17,021 --> 00:17:17,860
Yes!
307
00:17:17,940 --> 00:17:20,461
[Karen] You stay there
and you do not move, cos God help me,
308
00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:22,940
I will knock you into next week, got it?
309
00:17:23,021 --> 00:17:25,061
-Karen?
-He won't do as he's told.
310
00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:27,461
-He's wrecking the place.
-[Jamie] He's a baby, Karen.
311
00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:29,141
Shouting at him is not going to help.
312
00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:31,981
Well, according to your mother, it is.
313
00:17:32,061 --> 00:17:35,141
-I have to show him who is the boss!
-What happened
314
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,821
to the positive parenting thing
you were doing, eh?
315
00:17:42,021 --> 00:17:43,261
Here you go, darling.
316
00:17:43,341 --> 00:17:46,221
You draw all over the walls,
draw all over the ceilings.
317
00:17:46,301 --> 00:17:48,900
Do what you want,
because I don't care anymore.
318
00:17:48,981 --> 00:17:52,341
Mummy is going to be positive.
319
00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:54,221
Easy, innit?
320
00:17:56,301 --> 00:17:57,141
Connor!
321
00:17:59,101 --> 00:18:00,420
Ah.
322
00:18:00,501 --> 00:18:04,381
My mum was a proper good-time girl.
323
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:09,180
But she drank her looks away
and the fellas pissed off.
324
00:18:09,261 --> 00:18:10,301
She got depressed.
325
00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:12,940
She wouldn't go out or anything.
326
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:16,981
Was like that till she died.
327
00:18:18,461 --> 00:18:21,341
-What about yours?
-A slag.
328
00:18:21,420 --> 00:18:22,581
And a smackhead.
329
00:18:22,660 --> 00:18:24,821
There's got to be more to her than that.
330
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:27,581
No, that's it, the whole story.
331
00:18:29,301 --> 00:18:30,861
She loves you.
332
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:31,900
Yeah, right.
333
00:18:31,981 --> 00:18:34,581
She must do.
She brought you up, looked after you.
334
00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:36,541
I was put in care.
335
00:18:36,621 --> 00:18:38,221
Seven families in three years.
336
00:18:39,581 --> 00:18:41,581
She had loads of chances to clean up.
337
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:44,940
Medication, counselling, support.
338
00:18:45,021 --> 00:18:47,420
All that shit. She couldn't do it.
339
00:18:49,341 --> 00:18:50,381
So they swiped me.
340
00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:55,061
So, despite her addiction,
341
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:59,461
and all the nasty crap
that goes with it...
342
00:18:59,541 --> 00:19:00,900
she never gave you up.
343
00:19:02,381 --> 00:19:03,621
Tried to hold onto you.
344
00:19:05,021 --> 00:19:06,101
They took you.
345
00:19:09,581 --> 00:19:11,101
Must've really loved you.
346
00:19:16,061 --> 00:19:16,900
Fuck it.
347
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:19,660
It's history, anyway.
348
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:22,301
So, you're stuck wi' me now, are you?
349
00:19:22,381 --> 00:19:23,341
For better or worse!
350
00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:34,700
I knew this would get out of hand.
She's all over the place because of you.
351
00:19:34,781 --> 00:19:37,461
It's not my fault.
I only gave her a bit of motherly advice.
352
00:19:37,541 --> 00:19:39,341
Why not try getting
your own house in order
353
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:41,141
before you start helping anyone else?
354
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:44,541
I'm qualified, thank you very much.
I've had seven kids!
355
00:19:44,621 --> 00:19:48,940
And where are they all now, Mum, eh?
There's only me, Shane and Cilla left.
356
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,141
Karen's big enough to admit
we're struggling with Connor,
357
00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:53,741
and she's trying to do
something about it. But you,
358
00:19:53,821 --> 00:19:57,861
well, you think you're perfect,
Mam, and you're not. You're not.
359
00:19:57,940 --> 00:20:00,981
Somewhere along the line,
you've failed every fucking one of us.
360
00:20:01,061 --> 00:20:04,700
So do us a favour
and read that fucking book yourself.
361
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,781
Just be a couple more minutes.
362
00:20:16,061 --> 00:20:16,981
What the fuck?
363
00:20:18,381 --> 00:20:19,221
Frank?
364
00:20:23,101 --> 00:20:25,301
-What's going on?
-I'm sorry, it's not...
365
00:20:25,381 --> 00:20:28,261
Everything's just kind
of slowed down a little bit.
366
00:20:28,341 --> 00:20:30,541
Ever since you binned fag breaks.
367
00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:35,420
Woo-hoo...
368
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:40,381
[extremely slowly] Have a great day.
369
00:20:43,061 --> 00:20:45,461
This is insubordination!
370
00:20:45,541 --> 00:20:48,940
There's nothing in here that tells us
what speed we need to work at.
371
00:20:49,021 --> 00:20:50,061
You're fired.
372
00:20:50,141 --> 00:20:52,420
Oh, unfortunately, you can't.
373
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:55,660
Having successfully completed
my trial period,
374
00:20:55,741 --> 00:20:59,981
you can only issue me with a warning
for unprofessional or gross misconduct,
375
00:21:00,061 --> 00:21:02,021
bringing the company into disrepute,
376
00:21:02,101 --> 00:21:03,981
harming or potentially
harming the company,
377
00:21:04,061 --> 00:21:06,461
the company logo or any of its employees.
378
00:21:06,541 --> 00:21:08,461
You could launch an investigation,
379
00:21:08,541 --> 00:21:11,341
but you'd have to suspend me
with full pay first.
380
00:21:11,420 --> 00:21:12,900
Fucking European Union.
381
00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:17,700
Well, it's the only union
we've got left, mate. We are a team.
382
00:21:20,261 --> 00:21:21,301
All of you?
383
00:21:22,861 --> 00:21:26,061
-All of us.
-Well, I'm part of that team.
384
00:21:26,141 --> 00:21:29,381
[Frank laughs]
Nah, you're management, mate.
385
00:21:41,061 --> 00:21:43,861
Okay. Have it your way.
386
00:21:47,581 --> 00:21:51,341
Welcome to management, Frank.
That's an extra 30 quid a week for you.
387
00:21:52,381 --> 00:21:53,621
Come on, team!
388
00:21:56,301 --> 00:22:00,501
Well, the only thing
that I think we need is a happy team,
389
00:22:00,581 --> 00:22:04,301
so... put some choons on
and have a laugh. Sorted.
390
00:22:04,381 --> 00:22:06,061
Oh, and fag breaks are back on.
391
00:22:06,141 --> 00:22:07,381
Have one whenever you want.
392
00:22:10,261 --> 00:22:14,420
-S'all right with you, innit?
-Hm. Do whatever you want.
393
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,900
As long as that lot
gets sorted before you clock off.
394
00:22:19,101 --> 00:22:22,861
Staff hours, orders, rotas.
You'll have plenty of time,
395
00:22:22,940 --> 00:22:26,581
providing your team
run the kitchen and counter okay.
396
00:22:26,660 --> 00:22:29,541
Oh, and as you'll know
from paragraph three,
397
00:22:29,621 --> 00:22:31,621
sub-section C of the company handbook,
398
00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:35,781
"failure to complete and file paperwork
is an immediate sackable offence".
399
00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:41,821
Tough at the top, eh, Frank?
400
00:22:43,021 --> 00:22:44,101
[whispering] Cunt.
401
00:22:45,541 --> 00:22:47,061
[evil laugh]
402
00:23:03,821 --> 00:23:07,541
-Tch-tch-tch-tch. Here, 50 quid.
-[cat meows]
403
00:23:15,221 --> 00:23:16,900
-Tch-tch-tch-tch.
-[cat meows]
404
00:23:16,981 --> 00:23:19,621
Shit. Come here you, little fuck! Tiger!
405
00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:21,101
-[tyres screeching]
-[cat yelping]
406
00:23:25,341 --> 00:23:26,821
[phone ringing]
407
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:32,021
-[Shane sighs]
-[Aidan] Kelly! Kelly!
408
00:23:32,101 --> 00:23:33,101
Y'all right?
409
00:23:33,180 --> 00:23:34,341
-I wanted a word.
-[phone ringing]
410
00:23:34,420 --> 00:23:37,061
Yeah? Oh, fuck off, Lillian!
411
00:23:37,141 --> 00:23:40,381
Well, what we talked about,
"I've got you now..."
412
00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:43,741
I was wondering if you want
to go out sometime, you and me.
413
00:23:43,821 --> 00:23:46,861
What are you going on about, Aidan?
I'm fucking busy here.
414
00:23:46,940 --> 00:23:48,180
Is your phone broke?
415
00:23:49,341 --> 00:23:51,900
Look, can we talk about this later?
416
00:23:51,981 --> 00:23:54,660
Sorry I'm late. Traffic were a bitch.
417
00:23:56,141 --> 00:23:57,221
Traffic?
418
00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:11,261
-I said I'd pay you double next month.
-I'm not here about that.
419
00:24:11,341 --> 00:24:14,381
It's about your cat. Tiger?
420
00:24:14,460 --> 00:24:16,101
Charity!
421
00:24:16,180 --> 00:24:18,141
Charity, this man's found Tiger.
422
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:23,501
-There you go.
-What's...
423
00:24:23,581 --> 00:24:24,821
That's Tiger.
424
00:24:27,141 --> 00:24:29,981
-What's this, some kind of--
-Come on, I'm sure it's him.
425
00:24:31,460 --> 00:24:36,021
A van got him... I think, you know,
judging by the tyre marks across his back.
426
00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:38,460
I think that's his back, anyway.
427
00:24:38,541 --> 00:24:39,501
Fuck it.
428
00:24:40,660 --> 00:24:42,301
What about my 50 quid?
429
00:24:42,381 --> 00:24:45,420
-In your own time, mate.
-Yeah, hang on, give us a minute.
430
00:24:45,501 --> 00:24:47,021
Is that... Great.
431
00:24:47,101 --> 00:24:49,660
Erm... Fries, sorry, just...
432
00:24:50,981 --> 00:24:53,781
-Is that large fries, is it?
-[man] Yes, mate.
433
00:24:55,940 --> 00:24:58,021
There you go, one Mighty Mountain Meal.
434
00:24:58,101 --> 00:24:59,821
Sorry for the wait, I'm a bit...
435
00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:02,541
Well... Hey!
436
00:25:02,621 --> 00:25:05,381
-We were just finishing our fag break.
-Another one?
437
00:25:05,460 --> 00:25:07,861
Well, you said we could
whenever we wanted to.
438
00:25:09,781 --> 00:25:11,660
Right, no more breaks
until further notice.
439
00:25:11,741 --> 00:25:14,501
I've got paperwork to do,
you've got targets to hit.
440
00:25:14,581 --> 00:25:16,940
We'll never hit that.
And why do you care, anyway?
441
00:25:17,021 --> 00:25:19,700
-Just do what I say, I'm the manager.
-Line manager,
442
00:25:19,781 --> 00:25:24,141
-not that you've earned it or owt.
-Right, that's it. A verbal warning.
443
00:25:24,220 --> 00:25:25,180
That's not fair!
444
00:25:25,261 --> 00:25:28,741
Well, life isn't fair, sweetheart.
Come on, back to work, all of you!
445
00:25:31,981 --> 00:25:33,621
[Cheryl] What can I get you?
446
00:25:35,180 --> 00:25:36,781
You are as free
447
00:25:36,861 --> 00:25:40,460
-to be whoever you want to be.
-What in the name of holy shit is that?
448
00:25:40,541 --> 00:25:42,341
It's a cat. It's dead now.
449
00:25:42,420 --> 00:25:45,220
No shit, CSI Chatsworth.
You can't leave that there.
450
00:25:45,301 --> 00:25:47,460
-Why not?
-Because it's disrespectful.
451
00:25:47,541 --> 00:25:50,021
All right, fair enough.
I'll give the Pope a bell,
452
00:25:50,101 --> 00:25:52,621
and I'll see if I can sort out
a full-on fucking Mass for it.
453
00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:56,621
-It's dead. Get over it, fuck's sake.
-You can't leave that there.
454
00:25:56,700 --> 00:25:58,621
[whispering] Do something with it.
455
00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:00,021
Something respectful, yeah?
456
00:26:02,420 --> 00:26:09,141
Creativity, beauty and wonder are free,
just like you.
457
00:26:09,220 --> 00:26:10,741
-[thumping]
-All right?
458
00:26:10,821 --> 00:26:12,781
-Mm-hm.
-What's that noise?
459
00:26:12,861 --> 00:26:15,501
-What noise?
-The banging.
460
00:26:15,581 --> 00:26:19,381
It's Connor. I locked him in the wardrobe.
I'm being a firm parent.
461
00:26:19,460 --> 00:26:21,700
Can't you see how happy
it's making us all?
462
00:26:26,460 --> 00:26:28,501
[Ruby] Something respectful, yeah?
463
00:26:37,940 --> 00:26:41,501
[cat meowing]
464
00:26:51,700 --> 00:26:53,981
Excuse me? Excuse me!
465
00:26:55,940 --> 00:26:57,101
Oh.
466
00:26:57,180 --> 00:27:00,541
-Oi! Where are you lot going?
-Pub.
467
00:27:00,621 --> 00:27:02,301
What, all of you?
468
00:27:02,381 --> 00:27:03,341
You did the rota.
469
00:27:03,420 --> 00:27:04,940
No, you have to stay.
470
00:27:05,021 --> 00:27:06,700
Don't have to.
471
00:27:06,781 --> 00:27:10,301
You're still in your trial period,
and you're on a verbal warning already.
472
00:27:10,381 --> 00:27:12,061
Leave now and I'll sack you.
473
00:27:13,981 --> 00:27:15,981
Stay or go, it's up to you.
474
00:27:21,660 --> 00:27:23,741
[Mimi] "Children thrive on routine,
475
00:27:23,821 --> 00:27:28,621
but routine doesn't have to inhibit,
doesn't have to be a straitjacket.
476
00:27:28,700 --> 00:27:31,101
A good routine can liberate a child.
477
00:27:31,180 --> 00:27:34,781
Let the child establish
his or her own routine.
478
00:27:34,861 --> 00:27:37,180
Allow them to take control of their day."
479
00:27:37,261 --> 00:27:38,541
[suspenseful music]
480
00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:43,101
-Cilla? Cilla?
-[echoing sound of a child's laughter]
481
00:27:43,180 --> 00:27:44,541
Cilla?
482
00:27:45,940 --> 00:27:47,220
Cilla!
483
00:27:47,301 --> 00:27:48,341
Cilla!
484
00:27:49,940 --> 00:27:51,261
Cilla!
485
00:27:58,341 --> 00:28:00,301
-Cilla!
-[car honking]
486
00:28:00,381 --> 00:28:02,581
Cilla!
487
00:28:02,660 --> 00:28:03,981
Cilla!
488
00:28:05,861 --> 00:28:08,940
Oh! Oh-ho. Cilla!
489
00:28:10,061 --> 00:28:12,341
Oh! Hiya.
490
00:28:12,420 --> 00:28:15,501
Oh, hello, gorgeous! Oh!
491
00:28:18,141 --> 00:28:20,861
We should've locked up by now.
We're well past closing time.
492
00:28:20,940 --> 00:28:26,460
I'm the manager. I'll decide
when it's time to lock up, all right?
493
00:28:27,741 --> 00:28:29,021
All right?
494
00:28:33,581 --> 00:28:35,061
Shouldn't you be doing something?
495
00:28:36,261 --> 00:28:38,900
Necking cheeky Vimtos and rimming Akeeba?
496
00:28:38,980 --> 00:28:40,700
Work-wise.
497
00:28:43,180 --> 00:28:45,261
Right, go on... What?
498
00:28:45,341 --> 00:28:46,781
-What?
-[Cheryl] Nothing.
499
00:28:46,861 --> 00:28:49,980
Just that thing you said
about how all management are wankers.
500
00:28:50,061 --> 00:28:52,141
-You think I'm a wanker?
-With a plastic star.
501
00:28:52,220 --> 00:28:53,301
Yeah, one more than you.
502
00:28:53,381 --> 00:28:56,261
-Get the fuck down!
-Oh!
503
00:28:56,341 --> 00:28:59,741
-What the fuck!
-I said, on the fucking floor now!
504
00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:02,621
-Get off me!
-Please don't! No, I've got kids, don't!
505
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:06,621
-Frank? Frank!
-Please! I've got family!
506
00:29:06,700 --> 00:29:07,741
Frank Gallagher?
507
00:29:09,621 --> 00:29:11,141
Fucking hell.
508
00:29:12,980 --> 00:29:15,621
-Shawy?
-Fucking hell!
509
00:29:15,700 --> 00:29:16,741
How are you doing, mate?
510
00:29:16,821 --> 00:29:19,220
Yeah, all right... You know. You?
511
00:29:19,301 --> 00:29:20,501
Yeah, yeah, fine.
512
00:29:25,581 --> 00:29:27,581
-You work here, then?
-I'm the manager.
513
00:29:27,660 --> 00:29:29,381
-Line manager.
-Shut it.
514
00:29:29,460 --> 00:29:30,621
[Shawy] Nice one! Yeah.
515
00:29:32,541 --> 00:29:35,980
I'm dead sorry, mate,
but I'm still gonna have to rob the gaff.
516
00:29:36,061 --> 00:29:37,501
You understand, don't ya?
517
00:29:37,581 --> 00:29:39,220
Oh... Yeah.
518
00:29:55,741 --> 00:29:56,700
Hey!
519
00:29:57,781 --> 00:29:59,460
-Marty about?
-I don't know.
520
00:30:02,501 --> 00:30:05,621
-Got you some chippies.
-Want a medal?
521
00:30:05,700 --> 00:30:07,660
Aidan!
522
00:30:07,741 --> 00:30:10,021
I'm sorry, I should... Aidan!
523
00:30:10,101 --> 00:30:13,420
Look, we'll do something nice tomorrow.
Anything you fancy.
524
00:30:14,660 --> 00:30:17,541
Fucking?
Yeah, I tell you what, let's fuck.
525
00:30:17,621 --> 00:30:20,460
I've got a bit of money stashed,
let me know how much you charge.
526
00:30:23,021 --> 00:30:24,460
I'm in deep to a loan shark,
527
00:30:24,541 --> 00:30:26,660
our Amy's getting married
next month again,
528
00:30:26,741 --> 00:30:28,980
and Tony needs
one of them motorised wheelchairs.
529
00:30:29,061 --> 00:30:32,220
-Paralysed himself tombstoning.
-Yeah, I heard.
530
00:30:32,301 --> 00:30:33,541
Fucking knobhead!
531
00:30:34,741 --> 00:30:36,621
Times are hard.
532
00:30:36,700 --> 00:30:39,021
You've done all right for yourself,
haven't you? Manager?
533
00:30:39,101 --> 00:30:42,741
A proper manager
would have locked up, emptied the tills,
534
00:30:42,821 --> 00:30:44,741
-put the takings in the safe--
-Yeah, yeah.
535
00:30:44,821 --> 00:30:48,021
Shall I clip her?
Make it look an accident?
536
00:30:48,101 --> 00:30:50,341
[Shawy chuckles]
It's a joke.
537
00:30:52,220 --> 00:30:55,621
Hey, any jobs going here?
You could put in a word for us.
538
00:30:55,700 --> 00:30:56,541
For you?
539
00:30:56,621 --> 00:31:00,261
Yeah, you could vouch for us,
couldn't you? My trustworthiness and that.
540
00:31:00,341 --> 00:31:04,101
Well, you know, just to be honest,
I don't think it's gonna happen, you know,
541
00:31:04,180 --> 00:31:06,381
not with you robbing us and that.
542
00:31:06,460 --> 00:31:09,341
-Right.
-But, if you didn't...
543
00:31:09,420 --> 00:31:14,501
If you left without that,
then, you know, I could see what I can do.
544
00:31:16,381 --> 00:31:19,301
A bag of money versus a lifetime
of minimum wages working for wankers.
545
00:31:19,381 --> 00:31:21,660
Well, it pays time and half at weekends,
546
00:31:21,741 --> 00:31:24,621
double on bank holidays
with a day off in lieu.
547
00:31:25,980 --> 00:31:27,781
You've convinced me.
548
00:31:27,861 --> 00:31:32,900
Oh, please don't. You're going to
get caught. There's CCTV cameras.
549
00:31:34,420 --> 00:31:35,741
Eyewitnesses.
550
00:31:37,220 --> 00:31:38,980
You wouldn't shop me, though, would you?
551
00:31:39,061 --> 00:31:40,460
Well, he is the manager.
552
00:31:40,541 --> 00:31:43,501
[Shawy] You're not one of them, Frank.
You're one of us.
553
00:31:46,101 --> 00:31:48,061
-I'm sorry, mate, I--
-Don't.
554
00:31:48,141 --> 00:31:49,341
I'm desperate.
555
00:32:01,781 --> 00:32:05,021
-I'll phone the police.
-No. It's my call.
556
00:32:19,141 --> 00:32:20,781
[Billy] What the fuck is going on?
557
00:32:20,861 --> 00:32:23,341
Spinach soup. Super food, apparently.
558
00:32:23,420 --> 00:32:25,940
Are you pissed?
It's the middle of the fucking night.
559
00:32:26,021 --> 00:32:28,660
Cilla's decided she wants to get up.
560
00:32:30,700 --> 00:32:32,660
Tell her it's not time to get up,
like you always do.
561
00:32:32,740 --> 00:32:39,021
I can't.
I'm giving her "her own personal freedom".
562
00:32:39,101 --> 00:32:41,821
"She'll decide her own sleep patterns."
563
00:32:41,900 --> 00:32:42,781
[Cilla crying]
564
00:32:42,861 --> 00:32:45,900
I can hear words coming out
your mouth, but they don't make any sense.
565
00:32:45,980 --> 00:32:48,220
-I'm just trying to be a good mum.
-You are a good mum.
566
00:32:48,301 --> 00:32:51,061
I'm not, I never have been!
567
00:32:51,141 --> 00:32:55,420
And that little girl
is my last chance at it!
568
00:32:55,501 --> 00:32:56,940
[Cilla crying]
569
00:33:02,061 --> 00:33:03,660
I think you're a good mum.
570
00:33:09,021 --> 00:33:10,621
Look, I, I...
571
00:33:12,821 --> 00:33:15,180
What the fuck!
572
00:33:15,261 --> 00:33:17,381
Here's the branch manager.
573
00:33:17,460 --> 00:33:20,381
Look, I didn't wanna bother you
late last night.
574
00:33:20,460 --> 00:33:24,220
We got turned over.
I really wanted to fight back, but...
575
00:33:25,821 --> 00:33:26,900
they had guns.
576
00:33:30,261 --> 00:33:34,301
I didn't get a chance to get
the night safe with the paperwork
577
00:33:34,381 --> 00:33:38,101
and then turn the CCTV cameras on and...
578
00:33:38,180 --> 00:33:40,180
Why are the police here? What's happened?
579
00:33:40,261 --> 00:33:42,101
Absolute fucking disaster.
580
00:33:45,861 --> 00:33:47,660
"Allow the child to set his own parameters
581
00:33:47,740 --> 00:33:50,021
within the boundaries
laid down by the parents."
582
00:33:50,101 --> 00:33:51,700
All right, that makes sense, kind of.
583
00:33:52,900 --> 00:33:55,301
-So what stage is Connor at now?
-Stage five,
584
00:33:55,381 --> 00:33:57,581
but, to be honest,
I think we got stuck about stage two.
585
00:33:57,660 --> 00:34:00,420
"Failure to progress
between stages is a result
586
00:34:00,501 --> 00:34:02,700
of a lack of parental reinforcement."
587
00:34:02,781 --> 00:34:04,061
She's got it covered.
588
00:34:04,141 --> 00:34:05,861
-There's good stuff in here.
-Is that right?
589
00:34:05,940 --> 00:34:07,700
"Every child
has the potential for greatness--"
590
00:34:07,781 --> 00:34:09,860
Where's the chapter
about drawing cocks on the wall?
591
00:34:09,941 --> 00:34:10,941
Sorry?
592
00:34:11,021 --> 00:34:13,740
Well, what does the professor say
about drawing cocks on the wall?
593
00:34:13,820 --> 00:34:16,141
Mm...
594
00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:19,180
"If you get stuck,
go back to the previous chapter."
595
00:34:19,260 --> 00:34:22,820
So, book after book,
you read it to the letter.
596
00:34:22,901 --> 00:34:25,180
And if it doesn't work,
it's not the book's fault,
597
00:34:25,260 --> 00:34:27,260
it's your fault for not doing it properly.
598
00:34:27,340 --> 00:34:30,260
It's a scam. It's fucking foolproof!
599
00:34:30,340 --> 00:34:33,101
-So, I don't have to finish the book?
-It's bollocks.
600
00:34:33,180 --> 00:34:38,860
We have got a great kid. He's happy.
He draws a few cocks on the wall, so what?
601
00:34:38,941 --> 00:34:40,780
Hm. Thank fuck for that.
602
00:34:42,381 --> 00:34:43,820
That one's not actually bad.
603
00:34:45,300 --> 00:34:47,381
-Attention to detail.
-Hm.
604
00:34:47,461 --> 00:34:49,381
-Proportion.
-Mm-hm.
605
00:34:49,461 --> 00:34:53,660
-Our son is a fucking genius.
-Hm, is he.
606
00:34:53,740 --> 00:34:56,541
Well, I fucked a 15-year-old.
607
00:34:56,621 --> 00:34:59,461
He was dead nervy.
It was all over in about 30 seconds.
608
00:34:59,541 --> 00:35:01,141
-And how old were you?
-Fourteen.
609
00:35:01,221 --> 00:35:03,021
[laughter]
610
00:35:03,101 --> 00:35:05,820
Get it over and done with.
He'll be that embarrassed,
611
00:35:05,901 --> 00:35:07,501
he won't bother you again.
612
00:35:07,581 --> 00:35:09,941
If you're worried about diddling me
out of my commission--
613
00:35:10,021 --> 00:35:11,181
I'm not.
614
00:35:12,261 --> 00:35:14,461
Oh, I don't know, I can't just fuck Aidan.
615
00:35:14,541 --> 00:35:15,860
Why not?
616
00:35:15,941 --> 00:35:18,421
Apart from it being
register-signing-illegal?
617
00:35:18,501 --> 00:35:21,581
It just wouldn't be right,
it'd be like incest or summat.
618
00:35:21,661 --> 00:35:24,941
He's not your blood. Fuck him and move on.
619
00:35:28,981 --> 00:35:32,061
Put me back
on flipping burgers and frying fries.
620
00:35:32,141 --> 00:35:35,461
I want to get the Trafford Centre outlet
and I always get what I want,
621
00:35:35,541 --> 00:35:39,101
and whoever helps me achieve my dream
is going to end up running this place.
622
00:35:40,261 --> 00:35:41,581
Whoever helps you
623
00:35:41,661 --> 00:35:44,221
-will end up running this place?
-That's what I said.
624
00:35:47,581 --> 00:35:49,340
How are we gonna make target now?
625
00:35:50,541 --> 00:35:52,461
Cheryl, change of plan.
626
00:35:55,501 --> 00:35:56,461
What?
627
00:35:57,780 --> 00:36:01,101
Oh, don't. I've tried to get shot of it.
628
00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:05,621
The only way I can get back
on the floor is by hitting the targets
629
00:36:05,701 --> 00:36:08,021
and getting fuckhead
to the Trafford Centre.
630
00:36:08,101 --> 00:36:09,461
Well, that's never gonna happen.
631
00:36:10,741 --> 00:36:12,780
That's a very negative attitude.
632
00:36:18,421 --> 00:36:19,541
Need a word with you.
633
00:36:19,621 --> 00:36:21,501
I'll give you more than a word,
sweetheart.
634
00:36:23,141 --> 00:36:24,340
Now.
635
00:36:26,501 --> 00:36:29,461
Are we going to... fuck?
636
00:36:29,541 --> 00:36:31,021
You better believe it, boy.
637
00:36:32,261 --> 00:36:33,981
If you're up to it.
638
00:36:48,780 --> 00:36:50,461
Get undressed. Now.
639
00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:51,380
What, now?
640
00:36:54,661 --> 00:36:56,661
Well, come on, what're you waiting for?
641
00:36:59,021 --> 00:37:01,141
Come on, what's the matter with you?
642
00:37:01,221 --> 00:37:03,141
No, Kelly, stop!
643
00:37:05,421 --> 00:37:06,901
I don't want this.
644
00:37:06,981 --> 00:37:08,340
Well, what do you want?
645
00:37:14,501 --> 00:37:15,820
I want my mum.
646
00:37:25,541 --> 00:37:27,541
-Mimi?
-Shh.
647
00:37:28,701 --> 00:37:32,501
Cilla's asleep,
said she wanted to go night-nights.
648
00:37:32,581 --> 00:37:34,860
Can't disturb her...
649
00:37:34,941 --> 00:37:36,621
This isn't right.
650
00:37:39,181 --> 00:37:42,621
[Mimi] It's in the book, Karen,
so it must be right.
651
00:37:42,701 --> 00:37:46,061
I knew nothing
before this book, nothing at all.
652
00:37:46,141 --> 00:37:47,581
Mimi...
653
00:37:47,661 --> 00:37:52,501
Keep it down.
I don't want Cilla hearing conflict.
654
00:37:52,581 --> 00:37:56,701
"A butterfly can't float in a war zone."
655
00:37:56,780 --> 00:37:58,541
Mimi, get up.
656
00:37:58,621 --> 00:38:01,340
You live on the Chatsworth.
657
00:38:01,421 --> 00:38:04,941
You're a drug dealing,
loan-sharking, kneecapping Maguire.
658
00:38:05,021 --> 00:38:08,101
There is no spring meadow
for a fucking butterfly to float.
659
00:38:08,181 --> 00:38:11,221
This is an instruction manual
on how to live your life,
660
00:38:11,300 --> 00:38:15,701
that's all. It's just ideas
and most of them are bollocks.
661
00:38:15,780 --> 00:38:17,741
No, Karen, right.
662
00:38:19,261 --> 00:38:22,101
I nearly lost Cilla yesterday.
663
00:38:22,181 --> 00:38:28,261
I was reading the book, in the park,
then, I looked up and she'd gone.
664
00:38:28,340 --> 00:38:30,941
Now, I could've lost my mind,
665
00:38:31,021 --> 00:38:33,941
thinking she'd been snatched
by some paedo, but--
666
00:38:34,021 --> 00:38:37,901
Or, if you hadn't been reading the book,
and doing what you usually do with Cilla,
667
00:38:37,981 --> 00:38:40,380
watching her, playing with her,
668
00:38:40,461 --> 00:38:42,981
being with her, none of it
would've happened, full stop.
669
00:38:43,061 --> 00:38:47,181
You've been a mother seven times over.
You know what you're doing.
670
00:38:47,261 --> 00:38:50,541
-Jamie doesn't think so.
-Course he does.
671
00:38:50,621 --> 00:38:53,860
Look, he was just looking after me.
He's turned out all right, hasn't he?
672
00:38:53,941 --> 00:38:57,461
Look, so what, you might not be
the greatest mother in the world. Who is?
673
00:38:57,541 --> 00:38:59,860
We're all winging it, aren't we?
674
00:39:05,181 --> 00:39:06,421
I'm not your mum.
675
00:39:07,780 --> 00:39:08,981
No.
676
00:39:09,061 --> 00:39:14,461
So, when I let you down,
you thought you'd put me in my place.
677
00:39:14,541 --> 00:39:16,581
"Just some prozzie who crashes here."
678
00:39:19,741 --> 00:39:24,021
Not really us, though, is it?
Mother and son or fuck buddies?
679
00:39:25,581 --> 00:39:27,101
We've got something different.
680
00:39:32,141 --> 00:39:35,780
I can't promise that I'll be here
for you, not all the time.
681
00:39:37,141 --> 00:39:41,661
I've got work, Marty, mates,
got a million other things.
682
00:39:43,300 --> 00:39:48,701
But I'll try.
I'll try harder to be better.
683
00:39:50,141 --> 00:39:52,820
Hey. That's a big thing for me to say.
684
00:39:52,901 --> 00:39:53,860
Nod.
685
00:39:55,141 --> 00:39:55,981
Say "thank you".
686
00:39:59,581 --> 00:40:01,941
But you've got to try an' all.
687
00:40:02,021 --> 00:40:06,021
You've got to start seeing me
as something other than just a prostitute.
688
00:40:09,780 --> 00:40:12,741
Now come on,
let's go get twatted at The Jockey.
689
00:40:15,141 --> 00:40:18,780
You wouldn't really have done it,
would you? You know, shagged me?
690
00:40:18,860 --> 00:40:20,461
You'll never know, will ya?
691
00:41:19,901 --> 00:41:22,380
What're you doing, Shane?
The house stinks.
692
00:41:22,461 --> 00:41:24,261
You're going to be the first to see it.
Wait.
693
00:41:26,340 --> 00:41:27,661
See what?
694
00:41:45,340 --> 00:41:46,541
Little bit of atmos.
695
00:41:50,181 --> 00:41:51,101
What do you think?
696
00:41:53,820 --> 00:41:58,021
City's 1970
European Cup Winners' Cup squad.
697
00:41:58,101 --> 00:42:02,181
Franny Lee, Neil Young, little Colin Bell.
698
00:42:04,581 --> 00:42:07,101
I'm gonna sell 'em
to the National Football Museum in town.
699
00:42:12,421 --> 00:42:16,261
Colour that chart in, add a zero
to the figures and then bingo,
700
00:42:16,340 --> 00:42:17,221
you're away.
701
00:42:19,141 --> 00:42:21,981
Well, nobody knows
exactly how much money was robbed.
702
00:42:26,221 --> 00:42:30,621
Head office'll think I've hit targets,
insurance pays out,
703
00:42:30,701 --> 00:42:32,621
and I get to the Trafford Centre.
704
00:42:32,701 --> 00:42:34,820
-Everybody's happy.
-Everything okay?
705
00:42:34,901 --> 00:42:36,780
Yeah!
706
00:42:36,860 --> 00:42:40,380
We've just had a little chat,
me and, er, Cheryl.
707
00:42:40,461 --> 00:42:44,021
She's a pretty good sounding board
for a couple of ideas of mine.
708
00:42:44,101 --> 00:42:49,780
And, it looks like, er,
she's on her way to running this place.
709
00:42:49,860 --> 00:42:53,581
-Really?
-Yeah. I'm sorry, Frank.
710
00:42:55,021 --> 00:42:58,820
Come on, Cheryl. Paperwork to do.
711
00:43:09,261 --> 00:43:11,741
Cheer up. Have some pakora.
712
00:43:20,061 --> 00:43:23,461
Hang on, we don't sell pakora.
713
00:43:25,901 --> 00:43:27,820
[Frank laughs]
714
00:43:27,901 --> 00:43:28,901
Peace offering?
715
00:43:30,901 --> 00:43:35,820
Karen says I was a bit hard on you,
and she's right. I'm sorry.
716
00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:37,061
I'm sorry, an' all.
717
00:43:38,261 --> 00:43:40,141
The second
you think you know all the answers
718
00:43:40,221 --> 00:43:41,981
is the second you fuck it all up.
719
00:43:45,181 --> 00:43:47,860
She does a good job
cos she's scared of getting it wrong.
720
00:43:47,941 --> 00:43:49,981
Yeah, well, she's usually bang on.
721
00:43:50,061 --> 00:43:51,061
[electric saw whirring]
722
00:43:51,141 --> 00:43:54,461
Whoa, whoa! There's no need for that.
It'll fit through.
723
00:43:54,541 --> 00:43:56,701
Flip it on its side...
724
00:43:56,780 --> 00:43:59,741
Hm. You were right.
It is the wrong colour.
725
00:44:01,261 --> 00:44:03,941
Ninety-nine times out of a hundred,
anyway.
726
00:44:04,021 --> 00:44:05,421
We know parenting's hard.
727
00:44:05,501 --> 00:44:08,941
The wee man kicks off every time
I try to brush his teeth.
728
00:44:09,021 --> 00:44:10,501
He'll thank you for it one day.
729
00:44:11,581 --> 00:44:14,941
Yeah, well, I never thanked you. So...
730
00:44:18,221 --> 00:44:19,461
thank you.
731
00:44:20,780 --> 00:44:22,621
For brushing your teeth?
732
00:44:22,701 --> 00:44:24,461
Yeah, Mam, for brushing me teeth.
733
00:44:24,541 --> 00:44:27,941
Don't know what you're thanking me for,
they're green and manky.
734
00:44:28,021 --> 00:44:31,061
Well, that's your fault for buying me
sweets after visiting the dentist.
735
00:44:31,141 --> 00:44:33,461
Er, a reward for being brave.
736
00:44:33,541 --> 00:44:35,461
Er, mixed messages.
737
00:44:35,541 --> 00:44:37,380
That's my fucking cat.
738
00:44:37,461 --> 00:44:41,900
-Was your cat. Didn't want it, did ya?
-Er, that was years ago.
739
00:44:41,981 --> 00:44:43,581
Stuff we didn't know that we know now!
740
00:44:43,661 --> 00:44:45,701
-Like sugar rots your teeth.
-You had one chance!
741
00:44:45,780 --> 00:44:50,061
-[Mimi] I'm not a fucking dentist.
-It's not fucking rocket science, is it?
742
00:44:50,141 --> 00:44:51,981
You were a little twat
when you were little!
743
00:44:52,061 --> 00:44:53,501
-I was four!
-[clamour]
744
00:44:53,581 --> 00:44:56,621
[Mimi] Like it or not,
we're always learning something.
745
00:44:56,701 --> 00:45:01,101
Someone wants to teach you a lesson
and put you on a steep learning curve,
746
00:45:01,181 --> 00:45:04,900
but one day you've got to ask,
when's the fucking exam?
747
00:45:04,981 --> 00:45:08,501
I'm sick of being taught lessons,
I just wanna be.
748
00:45:08,581 --> 00:45:11,021
That's all, be.
749
00:45:11,101 --> 00:45:15,421
My name is
Katherine Harmonica Joy Mimi Tutton,
750
00:45:15,501 --> 00:45:17,021
and I'm a fuck up.
751
00:45:17,101 --> 00:45:20,421
But so are you and you and you.
752
00:45:20,501 --> 00:45:23,621
We're all fucked up.
None of us are perfect,
753
00:45:23,701 --> 00:45:28,461
and none of us know everything,
and when we all finally fucking learn that
754
00:45:28,541 --> 00:45:31,021
as our big, fuck-off, last lesson,
755
00:45:31,101 --> 00:45:35,581
we'll all be able to get on living life
and have a great time.
756
00:45:35,661 --> 00:45:37,860
[Kelly] She's been investing it
in kinky boots.
757
00:45:37,941 --> 00:45:40,221
Gloria, we've got a house guest.
758
00:45:40,300 --> 00:45:42,701
-Gloria.
-That was your mother?
759
00:45:42,780 --> 00:45:45,261
-The money. I spent it!
-Three and a half grand?
760
00:45:45,340 --> 00:45:46,820
I've bought something.
761
00:45:46,900 --> 00:45:50,421
It's hard. Very hard. Suck me cock!
762
00:45:50,501 --> 00:45:52,461
Tickle me balls. No, leave.
763
00:45:52,541 --> 00:45:53,860
-This is--
-Brenda.
764
00:45:53,941 --> 00:45:56,261
[Avril] Brenda is Lillian's slave.
765
00:45:56,340 --> 00:45:58,061
You two should think of getting one.
766
00:45:58,141 --> 00:45:59,221
I found a lump.
767
00:45:59,300 --> 00:46:00,501
Which one is it?
768
00:46:00,581 --> 00:46:02,101
[theme music]
769
00:46:42,741 --> 00:46:44,860
So no news
from the National Football Museum, then?
770
00:46:44,941 --> 00:46:46,981
No, not a sausage, funnily enough.
771
00:46:47,061 --> 00:46:48,621
But you know what they say, don't you?
772
00:46:48,701 --> 00:46:51,021
One man's loss is another man's profit.
773
00:46:52,661 --> 00:46:53,860
You bastard.
774
00:46:56,021 --> 00:46:59,021
Five pound,
your Museum Of Pop, five pound!
88849
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