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1
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:13,047
* Sometimes the world
Looks perfect
2
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,187
* Sometimes you just
Get a feeling
3
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,256
* Like you need some
Kind of change
4
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:27,128
* No matter what the odds
Are this time
5
00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:29,463
* Nothing's gonna
Stand in my way
6
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,265
* This flame in my heart
7
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:32,833
* And a long lost friend
8
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:37,105
* Gives every dark street
A light at the end
9
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,974
* Standing tall
10
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,812
* On the wings of my dream
11
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,915
* Rise and fall
12
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:51,385
* On the wings of my dream
13
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,555
* The rain and thunder
The wind and haze
14
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,890
* I'm bound for better days
15
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,259
* Ooh oh ooh
16
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:01,529
* It's my life and my dream
17
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,565
* And nothing's going
To stop me now *
18
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:23,083
Mary Anne! Mary Anne!
He's almost here!
19
00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:25,853
The mailman's almost here!
20
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,688
the letters that
we've been waiting for!
21
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,457
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
22
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,462
What's Balki
so excited about?
23
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:38,166
Is it some, uh,
Myposian holiday?
24
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,234
Did Mud Day sneak
up on us again?
25
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:46,974
Mud Day is not until next week
26
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,809
Oh!
27
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,844
Well, uh, mail call.
28
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:55,949
Why, look at this, Mary Anne.
29
00:01:56,016 --> 00:02:01,689
Oh!
And...
30
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:04,458
What a completely
unplanned coincidence!
31
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:10,398
Well, what would
some stupid game show
want with us?
32
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,367
Well, how would we know?
Why are you staring at us?
33
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,203
Why are you boring holes
through us
34
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:16,604
with your accusing,
questioning eyes?
35
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,272
What, what makes you
think we know?
36
00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:21,609
We, we don't have a clue.
Do we have a clue?
37
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,711
And we don't appreciate
the insinuation.
38
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,416
Well, something tells me
you're behind this, Balki.
39
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,684
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
40
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:34,688
Whatever...
What-what-whatever
would you say that for, cousin?
41
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:38,926
Well, the address says
"Jennifer and
Cousin Larry Appleton."
42
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:43,764
Well, I guess you caught
us with our pants on.
43
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:47,568
Um, when Mary Anne and I found
out that "The Baby Quiz" show
44
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,036
was looking for new contestants
45
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:52,273
we thought it would be
wild, wacky, whimsical fun
46
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,508
for both families to be on
at the same time.
47
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:59,413
So, after filling out 800
of our own applications...
48
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,418
We quickly scribbled
out one for you.
49
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,854
Open yours first.
The suspense is killing me!
50
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,895
We were accepted!
Hot doggy!
51
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,497
Now we all
can be on together!
52
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:20,468
No, we won't.
53
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:23,036
We were rejected.
54
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,872
Oh, Balki!
55
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,640
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no.
56
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:30,244
Now there, there, my little
cement mixer. Don't be sad.
57
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:36,149
Now, listen.
58
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:40,153
winning application and, and
had 800 of our own rejected
59
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,556
that's no reason
to be upset.
60
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:44,858
Right?
61
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,428
We are very...
62
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:51,899
(STUTTERS)
Happy for you.
63
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:59,607
(SOBBING)
64
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,478
Well, thank you,
Balki, but, uh
65
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:07,881
I don't think we'll be going
on "The Baby Quiz" show.
66
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:13,621
and unborn child be exploited
just so that we can win
67
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:16,357
a year's supply of baby wipes.
68
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,427
Larry, I think
it would be fun.
69
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,228
No! No, no!
70
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:23,531
My mind is
absolutely made up.
71
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,265
Balki, why, why don't
you take this letter
72
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:27,000
and try to go on
in our place?
73
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:32,573
Cousin...
74
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,678
It is so generous of you
to give up your chance
75
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,247
to win your child
a college scholarship.
76
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,515
College scholarship?
77
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,585
To the school
of your choice.
78
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,654
Well, you know, it does
have our name on it
79
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,658
and we don't want to, uh
80
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:53,727
So, I guess, uh, we will be
going on "The Baby Quiz" show.
81
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:01,935
I don't want to do this.
Why do we have to do this?
82
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,405
Come on, Larry.
It'll make 'em happy.
83
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:08,308
Hello, everybody!
84
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,844
to our host,
Lance Edwards!
85
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,646
(WHISPERS)
It's really Balki.
86
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,784
("THE BABY QUIZ"
THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
87
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,598
Thank you.
88
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,702
He's wearing my suit.
89
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,738
And welcome to
"The Baby Quiz".
90
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:39,907
The show that poses
the age-old question
91
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,342
"Hey, you're havin'
a baby and now what?"
92
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:44,211
(GUFFAWS)
93
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,979
All right,
I'm Lance Edwards
94
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:49,817
and this is my lovely
"Baby Quiz" co-hostess, Tyanna.
95
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,419
Kootchie-kootchie-koo.
Kootchie-kootchie-koo.
96
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:52,686
Mwah!
Mwah!
97
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:55,723
Oh!
98
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,659
All right, Tyanna, let's meet
our first contestants.
99
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,994
Please welcome
Larry and
Jennifer Appleton
100
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,463
from Chicago, Illinois.
101
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:08,268
Jennifer is eight
months pregnant
102
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:11,572
BALKI:
Thank you, Tyanna.
103
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,874
We'll ask you questions
about your pregnancy
104
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:17,711
while your spouse is secured
in our soundproof booth.
105
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:19,379
Tyanna?
106
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,951
Later on, we'll reunite you
107
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:26,019
and we'll see how
your answers compare.
108
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:29,557
The couple with
the most matches wins.
Isn't that something?
109
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,391
Tell them what they'll win,
Johnny!
110
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,494
A trip to Mexico!
111
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,198
Our winning couple will
fiesta and frolic
112
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,167
at the fabulous
Corona del Corona Hideaway!
113
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,769
They'll swim
in crystal tide pools
114
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:44,104
and enjoy sumptuous meals
at the Cafeteria Corona.
115
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,206
All prizes non-transferable,
subject to availability.
116
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:48,208
Holidays and weekends excluded
and it's all for you
117
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:51,244
from "The Baby Quiz!"
118
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:52,312
Oh, no, thank you, Lance!
119
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,414
(LAUGHS) Wow!
120
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:00,621
All right, round one.
121
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:02,856
Each question's
worth ten points.
122
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,025
Tyanna, has Cousin
Larry Appleton
123
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,928
been secured in the special
soundproof booth?
124
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:09,730
(LAUGHS)
125
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,203
All secured!
126
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,673
All right!
127
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,141
Jennifer, we'll start with you.
128
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,510
Jennifer, you're lovely.
129
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:25,345
I love the crazy little
flip in your hair.
130
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,880
You and I had chatted backstage
131
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,649
and you'd mentioned that,
uh, this has been
132
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,417
a particularly difficult
pregnancy for you.
133
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:33,521
Is that right?
134
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,456
and you've developed
kind of a quirky,
little nervous tic.
135
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,058
Is that right?
136
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,861
Come on, let's see it.
137
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,696
There it is
and it's adorable!
138
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,998
Well, you'll be happy
to know the first question
139
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:48,869
has nothing to do with your
crazy, quirky, little tic.
140
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:52,740
Jennifer, since
you've been pregnant
141
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,975
which part of your
body hurts the most?
142
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:58,712
Is it your upper half,
or your lower half?
143
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:05,152
All right, let's bring back
Cousin Larry Appleton
144
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:08,055
and see how well he knows
the mother of his child.
145
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,322
(LAUGHS)
146
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:13,561
All right!
147
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,028
Your wife is lovely.
148
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,330
And you and I were chatting
backstage earlier.
149
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:19,967
And you mentioned to me that
one of your greatest fears...
150
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,002
Is that your unborn
child might inherit
151
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:25,138
your short, stubby legs
and your hammer toes.
152
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:31,478
Your hammer toes.
Father had them,
they're no fun.
153
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:33,180
You'll be
happy to know,
154
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:36,249
your first question...
155
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,350
(LAUGHS)
156
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:38,619
All right!
157
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,589
Your first question,
we asked Jennifer
158
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,123
"Jennifer, since
you've been pregnant
159
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,192
"which part of your
body hurts the most?
160
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,629
"Is it your upper half
or your lower half?"
161
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:52,766
Easy question.
162
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:53,834
Definitely upper half.
163
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:56,203
Ooh! I'm sorry!
164
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,639
No, she said that
she had leg cramps.
165
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,307
That'd be lower half.
166
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:05,178
Larry, I get leg
cramps every night.
167
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,748
Where have you been
the last 32 weeks?
168
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,549
Do we know each other?
Have we met?
169
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,084
Hey, that's just
the first question.
170
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,920
The next question's probably
going to be something about
171
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:15,055
food cravings and, and
I happen to know
172
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,824
you have a thing
for ice cream.
173
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,759
Pop-Tarts.
Pop-Tarts, I knew that.
174
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,930
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
175
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,206
Larry, this is
making me nervous.
176
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,242
We played this game with Balki
for two hours yesterday
177
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,310
and didn't get
a single answer right.
178
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,579
We're gonna make fools
of ourselves on television.
179
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:43,651
We are not going to make fools
of ourselves on television.
180
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,185
Look, if we just answer
the questions
181
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,687
the way we practiced
this morning
182
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:47,988
everything will be fine.
183
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:50,490
What if they don't
ask those questions?
184
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,793
I have a hunch they will.
185
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,398
How are you? (CHUCKLES)
186
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:00,567
Uh-oh! Who's got a bun
in the oven, huh?
187
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,335
(LAUGHS)
188
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,603
All right.
189
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:06,774
I, I guess that
would be us.
190
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,541
Uh, Larry and Jennifer Appleton.
191
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,978
Well, nice to meet you,
Appletons.
192
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,713
(LAUGHS)
193
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,215
Mary Anne,
it's, it's him!
194
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,917
It's Lance Edwards!
195
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,920
And you must be my other
lucky contestants.
196
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:23,924
No. We applied, but we were
unfortunately overlooked.
197
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,693
Eight hundred times.
198
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,062
But we have
front row tickets!
199
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,832
Lance, I'm sorry. I just cannot
keep it to myself any longer.
200
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,101
You are my favorite
game show host!
201
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,775
Uh, Lance,
we have a problem.
202
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,712
No, no, uh, the other
game show contestants
went into labor.
203
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,079
They're on their way
to the hospital.
204
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,117
Ooh, well, that's too bad.
205
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,385
I guess that means,
uh, we win by default.
206
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,387
Uh no, no. Actually,
that happens all the time.
207
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:57,590
We'll just, uh, pick another
couple from our studio audience.
208
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,760
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
209
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:02,495
All right. Here's kind
of a kooky thought.
210
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:03,997
How about you two?
211
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:07,000
Oh, Lance!
That's a dream come true!
212
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,236
Lance, capture the moment.
Oh, sure.
213
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,140
You got to advance it.
Oh, all right.
214
00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:24,384
All right, everybody!
It's time to play...
215
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,419
The Baby Quiz!
The Baby Quiz!
216
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:32,625
So, daddies, if you'll
follow our hostess,
the lovely Tyanna,
217
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:36,029
to our soundproof booth.
218
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:39,232
and then bring you back out
to see how your answers compare.
219
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,434
(BOTH LAUGH)
220
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:42,770
All right!
All right!
221
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,775
All right. Jen, we're prepared,
we're gonna be great, right?
222
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,442
Right.
223
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,478
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
224
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,421
Tyanna. I've always
wanted to meet you.
225
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,723
I read your book.
226
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,325
And I thought
your layman's slant
227
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,727
on the Middle East
was mesmerizing.
228
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,431
I especially liked
that chapter called
229
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:14,201
"There's No Such Thing
as Too Much Moisturizer."
230
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,938
You have no pores
in your skin, do you?
231
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:21,809
Hey, cousin,
can you believe it?
232
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,610
We got inside the booth!
233
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,980
It's kind of like
a big fish tank, isn't it?
234
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,817
All right. Let's begin
"The Baby Quiz."
235
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,988
I hope they could get
a good shot of this
236
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,890
on the special booth camera.
237
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,259
Special booth camera?
238
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:41,161
Yeah, it's a special camera
239
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,596
and they have it
focused on the booth.
240
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:46,800
It's called
"The Special Booth Camera."
241
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:59,379
'Cause they love to get
242
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,982
Well, they are not going
to get any shots of you
243
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,917
or me making fools
of ourselves, all right?
244
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,652
So let's just,
let's just, keep quiet.
245
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:08,355
Why we have to keep quiet?
It's a soundproof booth.
246
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:10,457
Nobody can hear us.
247
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:12,926
Let's see if it works.
248
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,796
Mary Anne!
249
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:18,565
so far during your pregnancy?
250
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,100
Cousin, it really does work!
251
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,002
Well, I'll be
my uncle's monkey!
252
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:23,370
We can say anything you want!
253
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,906
Mary Anne!
254
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,275
Okay, all right,
that's enough.
255
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,243
Let's just, let's just
keep quiet now. Okay?
256
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:33,580
Let's just be quiet
and just behave ourselves.
257
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,051
Whoa!
258
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,487
Those lights are so bright
259
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:42,322
they hurting my eyes.
260
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:45,893
Studio lights
have to be bright...
261
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,395
Don't stare into them.
262
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:49,829
Something else.
There's nothing I can see.
263
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:51,064
Just look at something else.
264
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,633
I'm gonna look
at something else?
265
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,002
All right.
(SIGHS)
266
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:57,905
Cousin, you know
what the problem is?
267
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,373
Those lights draw me.
268
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,575
They draw me.
They are penetrating.
269
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,844
They fascinate me.
I cannot stop!
270
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,646
I know they're frying
my retinas.
271
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:09,449
But I just cannot take my eyes
off them! I'm trying to be good.
272
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,718
I'm trying to look where
you told me to look.
273
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:15,122
But I cannot! I cannot!
Look at those lights!
274
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,158
All right. All right.
Okay. Okay.
275
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,927
Cousin, if I don't
change places with you
276
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:22,095
I'm gonna go
out of my mind!
277
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,932
All right,
let's switch places.
278
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,599
And just sit down,
and, please,
279
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:29,336
just try not to embarrass me.
280
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:33,941
Jennifer, what animal will your
husband say best describes you
281
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,275
during your pregnancy?
282
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:38,211
Animal describes you
during your pregnancy?
283
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:41,014
Why hide behind
a question, Lance?
284
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,350
Let's face it,
I'm, I'm a whale.
285
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:44,417
Ooh!
286
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,623
What are you doing?
287
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,625
This chair is like iron.
288
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,394
You sat in this for all
that time and you...
289
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:57,897
This is unbelievably
uncomfortable! It's so hard!
290
00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,633
It's like, what is this? Is this
some kind of torture instrument?
291
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,936
And it looks just like
the chair I was just in.
292
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,271
That's the interesting bit.
293
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,539
I mean... Any... With my...
294
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,708
If I lean...
295
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:14,147
Maybe if I just
kind of lean...
296
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,849
All right,
let's switch places.
297
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,086
Let's switch places.
298
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:22,355
I like my new place.
299
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,392
All right, fine.
I like my new place.
300
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,260
Fine. Fine.
It's the chair I want.
301
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:33,967
because this chair is some kind
of iron maiden torture thing
302
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,069
and I don't like it.
303
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,105
Impossible to get comfy.
No.
304
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:40,707
Well, I want that chair.
No.
305
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,743
Cousin, I want that chair!
306
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,012
Now get out of it!
307
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,283
Stop it! Stop it!
308
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,285
Listen to me!
Listen to me!
309
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:57,924
Cousin Larry is not
switching chairs!
310
00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,726
Cousin Larry
is not moving!
311
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:03,130
In fact, Cousin Larry
is just going to sit here
312
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:06,399
and pretend that he
doesn't even know you!
313
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,103
Cousin...
314
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:13,173
I'm sorry, have we met?
315
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,876
Now, we're moving on to
the third trimester round,
316
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:20,180
where the points are doubled
and you can really fatten up...
317
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:21,748
Your score, that is!
318
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,617
(GUFFAWS)
319
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:25,685
All right.
320
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,156
You have writing
on the bottom of your shoe.
321
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,758
You have writing
on the bottom of your shoe.
322
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,661
I know. No, I don't.
323
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:38,298
Not this shoe. This one says,
"Little Man's Footwear."
324
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,304
Because, because that's, uh,
that's, that's, that's, uh...
325
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,606
That's, that's
my Christmas list.
326
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,808
And, uh, and well, well
I can't let you see it
327
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,111
because I, I don't want
to spoil the surprise.
328
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,346
(CHUCKLES)
329
00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:55,482
(CHUCKLING CONTINUES)
330
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,155
Ah-ha!
331
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:05,458
Jennifer's favorite
food is Pop-Tarts!
332
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,394
So this is your
Christmas list, eh?
333
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:10,463
LANCE: Okay, think now, if your
husband were a tree,
334
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,200
what kind of tree would he be?
335
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,235
This is no Christmas list!
Ow!
336
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:16,836
These are the answers
to the game show!
337
00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:18,105
You've been cheating!
338
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,539
Get up here!
Ow!
339
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:23,042
You know what? Cheating
is a revolting practice.
340
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,081
Balki, I couldn't help it!
341
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,252
There's the camera!
Camera! The camera.
342
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:33,986
(INDISTINCT MUTTERING)
343
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,822
Don't you see?
I had no choice!
344
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,890
When I couldn't match answers
with Jennifer yesterday
345
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,992
I panicked!
346
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,728
So, so, I called
"The Baby Quiz"
347
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,330
and I told them
I was doing
a story on the show
348
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,965
and they sent me 150
questions as research.
349
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:49,769
And I only did it so I could
win a scholarship for my child.
350
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,805
Cousin, I'm sorry,
but I cannot
condone this cheating.
351
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:57,076
I'm gonna tell Lance.
I'm gonna stop the game.
352
00:17:57,144 --> 00:18:04,050
You're gonna turn me in!
353
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,852
What consequences?
354
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,288
A child's shattered dreams.
355
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:11,090
A child's pain,
his sorrow, his agony!
356
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:19,098
On that, on that college campus
357
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,067
Oh, but, but there's
one little boy
358
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:22,769
who, who just stands
and watches.
359
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,571
It's Larry Junior!
360
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,540
And the other students
just point
361
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,442
and laugh as they
go on their way.
362
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:32,745
They're, they're playing
keep-away with his dreams.
363
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:36,383
And he wants
to go to class.
364
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,218
He wants to go,
but he can't!
365
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,853
He can't
because his Uncle Balki
366
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,557
robbed him of his
college scholarship!
367
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:49,061
Oh, look, Balki,
look! Look!
368
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:55,802
Look...
369
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,103
Look.
370
00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:58,571
You see him, Balki?
371
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,709
crying out there?
372
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,712
Oh, God! My boy.
373
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,316
(SOBBING)
374
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,718
Help him, help him!
375
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,090
You know what?
376
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,592
There's nothing out there.
377
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,331
There's just
nothing out there.
378
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,703
There's nothing out there.
379
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:36,443
I've just realized this is
a sick game you've been
380
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,379
playing with Balki
for six years
and I'm tired of it.
381
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:44,817
Just tired of it.
382
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,786
answers off the bottom
of your foot.
383
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:51,691
Since you became
pregnant, ladies,
384
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:53,626
are you most comfortable
sleeping on your side...
385
00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:01,301
(HUMMING "BABY QUIZ" THEME SONG)
386
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:18,050
Larry, I'm glad Balki
turned you in.
You deserved it.
387
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:21,554
Actually, Jennifer,
I didn't have to
turn Cousin Larry in.
388
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,990
The game show people saw
the writing on his feet
389
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:31,431
when we knocked the booth over
390
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:32,832
If you ask me,
those game show people
391
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,234
take their jobs
way too seriously.
392
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:40,473
They did let Balki and me
finish the game
with another couple.
393
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,442
And we did win that
college scholarship
394
00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:45,278
for little Robespierre,
or Marge.
395
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:49,882
Come on, Mary Anne. Let's get
something to eat. I'm hungry.
396
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:51,584
Good news, I hid some
cookies in the cupboard.
397
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,320
Found 'em.
Ice cream in the fridge?
398
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:54,787
Had it.
Pastrami in the pantry?
399
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:55,855
Ate it.
400
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,592
Well...
401
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,462
Balki,
I did it again.
402
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:06,666
And I reached
for the brass ring...
403
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:11,604
Wound up with
a bill for a broken
404
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,940
Plexiglas sound-proof booth.
405
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:19,278
Well, cousin, there's
nothing wrong with wanting
406
00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:21,614
a college education
for your child.
407
00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:24,351
It's just the lying, cheating
408
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:27,019
deceitful way
you went about it.
409
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:31,591
But anyway, I, I got them
to give you a parting gift
410
00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:33,793
just as if you were
an honest contestant.
411
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:39,198
You got me a parting gift?
I surely did.
412
00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:41,501
Well,
that's very nice of you.
413
00:21:41,568 --> 00:21:45,638
What'd you get me?
414
00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:48,408
"The Baby Quiz Home Version!"
415
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:49,609
Now, Cousin Larry Appleton
416
00:21:49,676 --> 00:21:51,277
can play "The Baby Quiz"
every night!
417
00:21:51,344 --> 00:21:52,979
Back to you, Lance!
Thank you, Johnny.
418
00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:54,180
Oh, no, thank you, Lance!
419
00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:56,383
(LAUGHS)
420
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:02,389
All right!
421
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,793
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
422
00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:19,972
Larry, I get leg cramps
every night.
423
00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:22,575
Where have you been
the last 32 weeks?
424
00:22:22,642 --> 00:22:24,377
Do we know each other?
Have we met?
425
00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,845
Hey, this is just
the first question.
426
00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:27,380
The next question
is probably going to be
427
00:22:27,447 --> 00:22:29,482
something about
food cravings and, and
428
00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:31,651
I happen to know you have
a thing for ice cream.
429
00:22:31,718 --> 00:22:33,686
Pop-Tarts.
Pop-Tarts. I knew that.
430
00:22:35,321 --> 00:22:38,791
Johnny?
431
00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:42,762
Ladies,
unsightly varicose veins
got you down?
432
00:22:42,829 --> 00:22:45,732
Try new flesh-colored
Hidey Hose.
433
00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:48,768
One size fits all.
434
00:22:48,835 --> 00:22:50,870
Back to you, Lance.
Thank you, Johnny.
435
00:22:50,937 --> 00:22:51,938
No problem, Lance.
436
00:22:52,004 --> 00:22:53,205
(LAUGHS)
437
00:22:53,272 --> 00:22:55,742
Who am I? All right.
31896
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