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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,729 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 2 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:14,142 * Sometimes the world Looks perfect 3 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,477 * Nothing to rearrange 4 00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:19,380 * Sometimes you Just get a feeling 5 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:23,651 * Like you need Some kind of change 6 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:27,288 * No matter what The odds are this time 7 00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:29,957 * Nothing's going to stand In my way 8 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,492 * This flame in my heart 9 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:32,993 * Like a long-lost friend 10 00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:38,332 * Gives every dark street A light at the end 11 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:41,235 * Standing tall 12 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:45,072 * On the wings of my dream 13 00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:47,975 * Rise and fall 14 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:51,845 * On the wings of my dream 15 00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,447 * The rain and thunder 16 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,015 * The wind and haze 17 00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:58,452 * I'm bound for better days 18 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,789 * It's my life and my dream 19 00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:05,293 * Nothing's going To stop me now * 20 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,703 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 21 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:22,443 More eggs, Mary Anne? 22 00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:24,512 Oh, no thanks. I'm stuffed. 23 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:42,596 Jennifer? 24 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,164 (ALL LAUGHING) 25 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,767 Thanks. 26 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,772 What's taking Balki so long? 27 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,807 Oh, he wants to pick the perfect flowers 28 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,809 for my morning bouquet. 29 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,346 Call an ambulance! They're all dying! 30 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,883 Did he say who was dying? 31 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,920 Balki, who's dying? 32 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,922 All the ants from my ant farm. 33 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,660 Except Mitch. 34 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,196 I've still got a pulse on Mitch. 35 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,699 Hold on, Mitch. Hold on. 36 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,601 I'm gonna give him mouth-to-mouth. 37 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:34,682 I've gotta pinch his little nose 38 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,917 Be careful. Don't overinflate the lungs. 39 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,496 (COUGHS) 40 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,944 Why don't you try to get his little heart going? 41 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,245 Okay. 42 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,929 Balki...he's gone. 43 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,535 (SOBBING) 44 00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:31,138 Now, what happened? 45 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:33,607 Cousin, I was in the backyard 46 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,644 picking Mary Anne's morning bouquet... 47 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:44,685 their good morning hug and as I put them down 48 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:48,689 one by one they started dropping like...ants. 49 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,560 I need a drink. 50 00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,366 Well, Balki, you've had that ant farm 51 00:04:58,432 --> 00:04:59,967 for about four and a half years. 52 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:03,837 That's pretty much the life expectancy for ants. 53 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:08,542 Not these ants, cousin, they were happy, healthy 54 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,012 had everything to live for. 55 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,815 Well, I tell you what you do. 56 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,885 Get a piece of bread, go outside throw it on the ground. 57 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:21,088 By noon, you'll have a whole new ant farm. 58 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,124 Now, who wants another PopTart? 59 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:25,626 I do. 60 00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:34,968 Wait a minute, cousin. 61 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,270 I've got the curse. 62 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,672 The curse? What curse? 63 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:41,875 The curse! The Exterminiki curse. 64 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:46,547 It brings instant death to anything I touch. 65 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,418 What are you talking about? 66 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:55,088 Cousin, this has plagued 67 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:58,125 In 1583, an ancestor of mine 68 00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,727 Porkos the Butcher... 69 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,466 ...tried to pass off yak knuckles as pig knuckles. 70 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,769 Well, you can imagine the brouhaha. 71 00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:13,140 The incensed population marched up 72 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,944 to the great and powerful Wizard of Mypos, Dave. 73 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:22,950 So he put a curse on Porkos and all his descendants 74 00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,486 which brings destruction and death 75 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:28,021 to anything the cursed person touches. 76 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,992 Now let me get this straight. 77 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:36,029 Your family curse has returned and anything you touch dies 78 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,532 which is why your ants bought the farm. 79 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:43,871 Yes. 80 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,706 Larry, are you getting that PopTart? 81 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:46,774 Oh! 82 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:52,513 Oh, Balki. Why you? Why now? 83 00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,353 But I'll tell you anyway. 84 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,355 you just kind of slipped my mind 85 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,324 but in his 29th year 86 00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:06,827 each male member of the Bartokomous family 87 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:11,164 develops a really bad case of... Exterminiki. 88 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,267 Oh, my poor Don't touch me! 89 00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:16,369 Don't touch me! 90 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:20,508 Stand back, Mary Anne. I am a walking death machine. 91 00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:23,110 But you're my walking death machine. 92 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,612 No! 93 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,914 Hey, hey, hey, hey, Calm down! Calm down! 94 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,550 You're not a walking death machine 95 00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,284 and you're not cursed. 96 00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,954 You're just a little upset 97 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:37,224 because you watched your little buddies 98 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,593 drop dead one by one. 99 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,998 Cousin, I loved that ant farm. 100 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:48,035 I will never forget the look on little Binki's face... 101 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:58,111 ...and he looked up at me as if to say... 102 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:06,186 Well, Balki, I know this is a terrible loss for you 103 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,722 but there's got to be a logical explanation 104 00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,490 for what happened... I got it. 105 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,192 Now, it was a very hot day yesterday. 106 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,595 The ants probably couldn't take the heat. 107 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:15,896 I should have let you air-condition 108 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,666 that ant farm when you asked. 109 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,968 See? So I'm the one to blame. 110 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,971 Not you. You're not cursed! 111 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:27,107 Cousin, you, you really think I'm not cursed? 112 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:30,243 Of course not. Don't be ridiculous. 113 00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:39,086 Well, in that case, never mind. 114 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,759 Um, listen, I don't know what you folks are doing later 115 00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:48,295 but the funeral is at 2:00. 116 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:54,234 I'd like each of you to...say something. 117 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:01,208 Mmm. 118 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,679 Larry, I'm very proud of the way you handled that. 119 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:10,450 You handled it well. 120 00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:12,986 You might want to take note of this, Mary Anne. 121 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:16,790 See, you just, uh, listen to his silly, Myposian ravings. 122 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,560 Then you spoon-feed him logic. 123 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,763 He says, "Thank you, cousin..." 124 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,200 And everything is fine. 125 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,309 Mary Anne's flowers. 126 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,150 I killed them. 127 00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:48,021 I have the Exterminiki curse. Stand back! 128 00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:53,293 If I touch you...you die. 129 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,263 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 130 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:09,342 Hi, how was Lamaze class? 131 00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,912 Same as usual. 132 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:14,247 They showed the film and Larry fainted. 133 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,619 We did the breathing and Larry fainted. 134 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:23,991 We had a coffee break and Larry fainted. 135 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,328 Yeah, well, the last faint was a fake faint. 136 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,597 I just didn't want to talk to the Bickleys. 137 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:34,267 I mean, it's always "Our fetus this," and "Our fetus that." 138 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,207 How's Balki doing? Has he come out of his room yet? 139 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:43,310 Oh, his mother express mailed the Exterminiki curse remedy 140 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:46,046 and he's up there now testing it on some flowers. 141 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,616 Balki, how's it goin' up there? 142 00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:52,419 BALKI: Well, cousin, I, I think it works. 143 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,888 I haven't dazed the daisies. 144 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,656 Well, he probably had to drink some 145 00:10:56,724 --> 00:11:00,360 disgusting concoction made of pig byproducts. 146 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,696 He'll smell like a slaughterhouse all day but, uh, 147 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,164 it'll be worth it. 148 00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,818 Boy, am I lucky. 149 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:29,456 I thought Mama was gonna send me the big, ugly suit. 150 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,799 All I have to do is wear this suit 151 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:42,269 and our lives can get back to normal. 152 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,972 What's this? The business section? Huh. 153 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,943 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 154 00:11:57,084 --> 00:12:00,053 Okay, Balki, Balki, Balki. Look, let me serve the salad. 155 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,256 No, cousin. Just let me serve the salad. 156 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,625 Let me serve it, Balki... Cousin, please don't do this. 157 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,360 The only way I'm going to get adjusted 158 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:10,864 back into society is with mitts-on experience. 159 00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,268 No, I'll... Cousin, please, please! 160 00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:21,374 I think we should respect Balki's feelings. 161 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,944 We need to treat him like any normal person 162 00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:26,213 with the touch of death. 163 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,885 Tossing that's all. 164 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,805 (SIGHS) 165 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,056 None for me, thanks. 166 00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:29,176 Dressing? 167 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,211 Okay? All righty. 168 00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:34,381 I made roast beef. I hope that's okay. 169 00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:38,418 It's no toad potpie but then again, what is? 170 00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,955 Well, it smells delicious, Balki. 171 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:43,823 Right? 172 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:51,598 Oh, come on, Jennifer. 173 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,933 Whoa! 174 00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,805 All right, Balki, let me serve the roast beef. 175 00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:01,541 No, cousin, I... Let me serve the roast beef. 176 00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:04,211 Just let me serve it. Don't fight me on this. 177 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:07,447 All right, just let me serve the roast beef... 178 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,581 (SCREAMS) 179 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,396 I was just going to point out, 180 00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:27,634 that the pan is hot. 181 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,049 (SCREAMING) 182 00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,519 Sorry, cousin. Sorry, cousin. Sorry, cousin. 183 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:50,723 Oh. Oh... 184 00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,926 I have a surprise for you. 185 00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,498 I baked bread. 186 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,201 Is it hot? No. 187 00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:03,636 Oh good, good. Bread is good. 188 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:07,307 Nice, soft, safe bread. 189 00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:14,547 Have these knives been sharpened? 190 00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,183 No! No! No! 191 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,652 No bread! No bread. Just no, no, put the knife down! 192 00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:21,588 Put the knife down! 193 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,828 I almost forgot the coffee. No! No! No, no! 194 00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:33,233 No coffee! No! Put it back! Just put it back! Put it back! 195 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,035 All right, all right, now come on. Sit down. 196 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:36,769 Just sit down. Sit down! 197 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,872 Sit! Sit! Sit! 198 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,608 Stay! Stay. 199 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,043 All right. 200 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:48,615 Now, Balki, tell me. 201 00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:52,952 How long can we expect this curse to last? 202 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:56,556 Well, the average shelf life of a curse 203 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,692 is somewhere in between four days and... 204 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,395 47 years. 205 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,266 Forty seven years? 206 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,800 Well, how do we know when it's over? 207 00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:11,271 Well, could it be when your friends are wearing their dinner 208 00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:14,041 and suffering third-degree burns? 209 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,744 No, that only happens when you throw 210 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,080 a dinner party on a volcano. 211 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,924 Cousin, you know the curse is over 212 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:35,728 when you touch someone with your bare hands and they don't die. 213 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:40,767 Until then, my flesh must not touch another's. 214 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,137 Oh, Balki, you're just like the boy in the plastic bubble. 215 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,541 I wish we had a bubble built for two. 216 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:54,781 No! 217 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,618 No. No. 218 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,353 We must not. 219 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,555 God, I almost kissed you to death. 220 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,258 Mary Anne, you're gonna have to go 221 00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,727 to your mama's house for a few days. 222 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:11,731 Well, it'll rip my heart out but if you think it's best... 223 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:14,567 What is the matter with you? 224 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:15,668 There is no curse! 225 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:18,671 Are Jennifer and I the only sane ones here? 226 00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:22,809 Well, actually, I thought I'd go with Mary Anne. 227 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:30,550 What? 228 00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,419 Balki's Myposian myths turn out to be true. 229 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:43,029 I mean, remember the time he wore that hat 230 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,731 Come on, Mary Anne, let's pack. 231 00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:55,542 Well, great. This is just great. 232 00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:59,312 You've driven my wife from my home. 233 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:02,749 I'm sorry, cousin. Can I freshen your iced tea? 234 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,284 Yeah, sure. 235 00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,834 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 236 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,878 BALKI: Sorry, cousin, I thought I could draw Dimitri 237 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,780 with my mitts on. I was wrong. 238 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,385 Well, this has been quite a day. 239 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:44,457 My wife has left me, my career is over 240 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:48,428 and I'm eating takeout dinner with Oven Mitt Man. 241 00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:58,271 Maybe I'm the one who's cursed. 242 00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:01,208 in the fact that you have me as a cousin. 243 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:14,120 Hey, cousin, they gave me extra coleslaw. 244 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,222 You want it? 245 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,424 No, I do not want your coleslaw. 246 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,693 I do not want your coleslaw. 247 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,830 All I want is to sit and enjoy my dinner 248 00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:26,299 maybe watch a little TV. 249 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,635 And don't even think about using the remote. 250 00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:43,383 I'll trade you a Cajun wing for a southern-fried thigh. 251 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:50,257 (CHOKING) 252 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,567 Are you choking? 253 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,538 And would you like me to take off my mitts 254 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,740 and give you the Heimlich maneuver? 255 00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:15,515 I'm getting a little sick of your pathetic attempts 256 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,450 to get me to take off my mitts. 257 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:20,920 I tell ya. 258 00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,493 You know... 259 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,061 This chicken needs something. 260 00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,597 Gonna see if we have any paprika. 261 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,384 (GROANING) Help me. 262 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,623 Help me! Help me! 263 00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:32,359 Oh, you want some, too? 264 00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:34,494 Okay, I'll play along. 265 00:21:34,561 --> 00:21:37,530 Knock three times on the table if you're faking 266 00:21:37,597 --> 00:21:39,766 twice on your head if the answer is no. 267 00:21:43,436 --> 00:21:44,704 Uh-oh. 268 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:50,610 I bet... Ah, oh... 269 00:21:51,878 --> 00:21:53,580 I'd better give you the Heimlich Maneuver. 270 00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:54,914 Come on, stand up. 271 00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:58,385 Come on, get up! 272 00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:00,520 Get up. 273 00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:08,395 Oh, oh, cousin, I, I cannot take off my mitts... 274 00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:10,062 I, oh... Well. 275 00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:24,577 (GASPING) 276 00:22:35,622 --> 00:22:39,759 Balki, you saved my life. 277 00:22:39,826 --> 00:22:41,661 Cousin, do you realize what just happened? 278 00:22:41,728 --> 00:22:42,962 Yes. 279 00:22:43,029 --> 00:22:45,432 You almost let me die! 280 00:22:47,634 --> 00:22:49,436 No, cousin, I touched you with my bare hands 281 00:22:49,502 --> 00:22:51,037 and you, you didn't die! 282 00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:52,739 The curse is over! 283 00:22:52,805 --> 00:22:55,442 Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy! 284 00:22:59,111 --> 00:23:03,149 * Hey-hey hey-hey Hey hey hey * 285 00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:08,621 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 286 00:23:12,191 --> 00:23:14,461 You made my favorite dessert. 287 00:23:14,527 --> 00:23:16,529 Oh, cousin, II know it cannot make up 288 00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:18,865 for this disastrous meal, but... 289 00:23:27,474 --> 00:23:32,512 Yeah, you slaved away all day in that hot suit 290 00:23:32,579 --> 00:23:35,147 making my favorite dessert... 291 00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:37,817 And all I could think of is how miserable I am. 292 00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:40,453 Boy, what is wrong with me? 293 00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:42,722 Come on, buddy. 294 00:23:42,789 --> 00:23:45,625 The two of us are gonna sit down here together and 295 00:23:46,693 --> 00:23:49,829 have some cherries flambe. 296 00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:52,899 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 21033

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