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1
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:13,947
* Sometimes the world
looks perfect
2
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,384
* Nothing to rearrange
3
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,287
* Sometimes you just
get a feeling
4
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:23,791
* Like you need
some kinda change
5
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:27,461
* No matter what the odds
are this time
6
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,663
* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way
7
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:33,234
* This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend
8
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:37,405
* Gives every dark street
a light at the end
9
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:41,209
* Standing tall
10
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:45,113
* On the wings of my dream
11
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:48,082
* Rise and fall
12
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:51,852
* On the wings of my dream
13
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:53,221
* The rain and thunder
14
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:54,955
* The wind and haze
15
00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:58,426
* I'm bound for better days
16
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:01,762
* It's my life and my dream
17
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:05,799
* And nothing's gonna
stop me now *
18
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,553
What are you doing?
19
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,588
I'm gonna put ice cream
in the punch.
20
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,190
You don't
put it in now!
21
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:31,492
It's gonna melt
before Balki gets here.
22
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:34,094
Well, you, you're
putting the soda in!
23
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,563
Soda doesn't melt.
24
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,765
Don't you know anything
about making punch?
25
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:40,168
Oh, I can
make a punch!
26
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,973
Maybe, I should have gone
down to the school with Balki.
27
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,741
Uh, he was so nervous.
28
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:50,411
Larry, you can't take
his entrance exam for him.
29
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,280
It's just one of those things
has to do on his own.
30
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:56,184
But getting into college
is so important to Balki.
31
00:01:58,286 --> 00:01:59,887
Gosh! Balki going to college?
32
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,191
It seems like he just
graduated from high school.
33
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,659
He did just graduate
from high school.
34
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:07,861
Oh, right.
35
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:12,633
You know, I don't know what
the big deal is about college?
36
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:16,837
I went to college,
and other than learning
37
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,507
I didn't get
a thing out of it.
38
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:25,413
All right, Balki
going to college.
39
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:29,082
I can't believe
he's come so far so fast.
40
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,419
And if you had seen him when he
first walked through my door,
41
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,887
you wouldn't have thought
he was college material.
42
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:40,661
Am I looking up
Larry Appleton?
43
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,063
Larry Appleton.
That's me.
44
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:46,434
Larry, Larry, Larry!
45
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,302
I look
everywhere for you!
46
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:51,205
I walked the streets,
I searched the alleys.
47
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,707
I say to everyone,
"Have you seen Larry?"
48
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:57,211
You don't know how many people
have never heard of you!
49
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:02,883
But now I find you
and I'm safe, I'm safe!
50
00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:05,886
Yes, yes,
now you're safe.
51
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,822
Who are you?
52
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,858
I'm Balki Bartokomous.
53
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,261
Philo, my fifth cousin,
three times removed,
54
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:17,498
is a step-uncle to your father
on my mother's side
two continents removed.
55
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,933
I see, so we're
sort of related by rumor.
56
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,274
(SIGHS) America.
57
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,710
Land of my dreams...
58
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,645
Home of the Whopper.
59
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,551
You mean, that's why you two
got to be roommates?
60
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,420
Balki just showed up
on your doorstep one day?
61
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:42,956
Yeah.
He was a real babe
in the woods.
62
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:48,296
Yeah, if I hadn't taken
him under my wing,
63
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,798
He had no experience
with women.
64
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:53,367
I had to teach
him everything.
65
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:55,703
You know, Balki told me
about the time
66
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:58,506
you took him
to that singles bar...
67
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,375
He did?
68
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:06,079
Uh, the way Balki tells it,
you were both
babes in the woods.
69
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:09,383
So, Larry took Balki to
a singles bar so he
could meet women...
70
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,431
So, this is one
of your American mating places?
71
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,400
Meeting.
A meeting place.
72
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,402
People meet each other here.
73
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,438
They mate somewhere else.
74
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,543
Go slow. Take it easy.
Be cool.
75
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:38,312
I know how to be cool.
76
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:47,421
Hey, mama, you be getting down
with you bad self.
77
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,458
What are you doing?
78
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,896
All right, let's
get this over with
so I can go home.
79
00:04:57,698 --> 00:05:00,634
Now, the first thing is
what we call eye contact.
80
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,236
Eye contact.
Like The Three Stooges?
81
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,072
(VOCALIZING)
82
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:11,311
All right, I'm going,
I'm out...
No, no, cousin, cousin.
83
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,280
Okay. Okay.
84
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:17,050
Look, for safety's sake, we had
better define eye contact.
85
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:21,154
You look, look
into a woman's eyes
from across the room,
86
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:24,124
and if she looks back, you know,
and you kind of hold the look,
87
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:25,959
that's eye contact.
88
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,998
Like that woman
is looking at you?
89
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,000
What woman?
90
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,338
Don't point.
91
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:51,452
After you've made,
uh, eye contact,
92
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:52,953
you work your way
over to the woman
93
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,856
and, uh, use
your opening line.
94
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:59,259
Something like, uh
"You come here often?"
95
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:00,828
"Can I buy you
a drink?"
96
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,497
"Didn't we meet
in the Oval Office?"
97
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,899
Things like that.
98
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:09,437
Can I try it?
Oh... Okay.
99
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:25,819
I have made
eye contact.
100
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,655
Oh, boy.
101
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,790
Can I try my opening line?
All right, go ahead.
102
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,826
Just, uh, don't
tell her you know me.
103
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,602
Hello.
104
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,972
Do you
come here often?
105
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:52,980
No.
106
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:54,482
Excuse us.
107
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,688
You were one step away
from throwing yourself
108
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,690
at that woman's feet,
weren't you?
109
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,559
Old habits die hard.
110
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,330
Why don't you show me,
Cousin Larry?
You're the expert.
111
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:13,100
Look, look, I just don't
like these places.
112
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:17,971
And besides, I'm...
113
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:21,008
Uh... I really don't
wanna meet anyone.
114
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:26,046
That woman is still
looking at you.
115
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,481
She is?
116
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,851
Yes, she is.
117
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:35,889
Oh, my God,
she is.
118
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,191
Go ahead and get her,
you love-devil.
119
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,962
All right... But this
is a little faster
120
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,665
than I usually
like to operate.
121
00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:47,034
I'm only doing this
for you.
122
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:07,688
So...
123
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,290
Balki...
Balki.
124
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:11,659
Balki!
125
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,963
(LAUGHING)
126
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,698
I wish, I wish
I could've seen that.
127
00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:19,900
I'm a sucker
for a cheap laugh.
128
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:25,172
Uh, you know, I don't mean
to split hairs here,
129
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:29,710
but, uh, that is
not at all the way
I remember it.
130
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:32,012
Well, did the guy
beat you up or not?
131
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:34,915
Well...
132
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:39,553
Uh...
"Beat up"
is such a strong term.
133
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,489
Sounds like he got
his butt kicked.
134
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,291
(LAUGHS)
135
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,866
and I have been
there for him.
136
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:55,168
I mean, for instance, the time
he invited his friend Gina
137
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:58,538
to stay with us while
her husband was out of town...
138
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,407
Gina, isn't she the one
who had her baby
139
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:01,609
while she was
staying with you?
140
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:04,211
Yes, in the middle
of the night.
141
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:07,347
And if I had not been there
with one of my foolproof plans,
142
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:09,883
well, there is no telling
what would've happened.
143
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,052
Oh, that's interesting.
144
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:15,923
Uh, the way I heard it
your plan sort of fell apart!
145
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:23,163
Well...
146
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,232
Balki, it's time.
147
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,101
Gina? It's time?
Yes.
148
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,938
Ah, Gina, how exciting!
149
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,173
Little baby.
Mmm.
150
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,708
Why is the light on?
151
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:37,344
The, the baby's
coming, Larry.
152
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,748
What baby?
Who are you?
153
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,950
Why am I holding a sheep?
154
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,319
He doesn't
wake up well.
155
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:49,256
Cousin, it's Gina.
Remember the plan?
156
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,460
The plan? Yes.
Of course, I remember the plan.
157
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,262
It's my plan.
All right.
158
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:58,098
No need to worry.
First babies take a long time.
159
00:09:58,165 --> 00:10:00,433
Oh, well, Larry,
I've been in labor a long time.
160
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,736
Why didn't you tell us?
Well, I didn't wanna
bother you.
161
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,772
You were up so late.
162
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,074
All right.
Don't panic!
163
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:09,843
Go!
164
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:16,784
Are you all right?
Yes. Yes, I'm okay.
165
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,686
What are you doing?
Calling the hospital.
166
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,320
Calling the hospital
is my job.
167
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,756
You get the suitcase!
But...
168
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,524
I called the hospital last time.
169
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:27,494
Look, I gave you
a chance to prove
170
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,062
"Hello, hospital?
Baby is coming."
171
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,398
Cavemen are
more articulate!
172
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,666
Could you please hurry?
173
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:33,967
(GROANING)
174
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,169
Hello, hospital?
The baby is coming.
175
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:41,742
Brilliant!
176
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:44,477
We get to the hospital,
they'll probably figure out
why I'm there.
177
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,613
Good thinking.
Okay. All right.
178
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:49,917
No need to panic.
Everything is under control.
179
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:54,221
All right, I get the note
and we are gone...
180
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,990
Yes!
181
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,863
My keys. My keys.
Where are my keys?
182
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,833
They're in your pants.
Where are my pants?
183
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:08,068
Where is the closet?
Where is the closet?
184
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:11,839
Cousin...
Look, look.
185
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,640
Cousin...
Don't cousin me now.
186
00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:15,342
Look, look,
I don't have my keys.
187
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,011
I don't have my pants.
I can't do this!
188
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,313
She'll just have to have
the baby at some other time!
189
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,582
Why don't you help me?
190
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,718
(PANTING)
191
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,088
Oh. Oh, I see.
192
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:30,824
You're trying to make me
look bad in front of Gina.
193
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,026
Where is Gina?
Where is the mother?
194
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,062
We can't do this
without the mother!
195
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,363
(PANTING)
196
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:37,765
Cousin.
197
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:40,333
Someday you'll forgive me
for this.
198
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,308
Feel better?
199
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,178
No.
200
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,982
Can we go have a baby now?
201
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,416
Okay.
202
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,951
I'll follow you.
203
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,420
Where're you going?
204
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,655
To the hospital.
Right, yes.
205
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,192
Gina, there you are.
Thank God!
206
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,842
You know, I'm a little worried
about Balki.
207
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,577
Shouldn't he be finished
with his exam by now?
208
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:29,850
What if he sat down
to take the test and froze up?
209
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:32,252
I mean, what if
his mind went blank
210
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:34,321
and he couldn't
remember a thing?
211
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:43,230
And he started
hyperventilating...
212
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:49,302
You mean, like what
happens to you
213
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,838
All right.
214
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,606
All right. I'm just not
gonna talk anymore.
215
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,876
That way no one
can make fun of me.
216
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:03,817
Ladies, ladies,
we're all a little edgy
217
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:06,653
because we're worried
about Balki.
218
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,956
Oh, but maybe I should
have gone down there with him.
219
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:13,126
He always needs me
to get through
these pressure situations.
220
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:16,263
You know, if I
wasn't there to help him,
221
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,465
Wait a minute.
I was there.
222
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,367
And I wouldn't call
what you did help.
223
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:23,070
Now Gorpley was looking
for a reason to fire Balki.
224
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,872
And Larry was trying to write
his first article
225
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,874
for the newspaper,
when all of a sudden...
226
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,577
You've finished?
Yes, yes, yes.
227
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,179
I'm finished.
228
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:38,018
Yes. I'm sorry it take so long,
but I thought that I would
alphabeticalize them.
229
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,321
Is that okay?
230
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,856
You think you're pretty smart,
don't you?
231
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:45,192
Well, I'm no
Sam Donaldson, but...
232
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,996
We'll see
how smart you are.
233
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,064
I need 100 copies
of this flyer.
234
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,465
You've got 10 minutes.
235
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,335
Oh, but guess what?
The copy machine is broke.
236
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,938
Hey, relax,
I'm looking out for you.
237
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:01,341
You can use
the mimeograph machine.
238
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:04,311
See, I even got your stencil.
All ready to go.
239
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,113
Ten minutes,
Bartokomous.
240
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,614
Now, if you can't
do the job...
241
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,917
I know someone who can.
242
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,925
Balki, you need help with
the mimeograph machine?
243
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,792
Oh, no, no, cousin.
Good.
244
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,162
Just...
Point it out to me.
245
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:31,304
Back here, look here.
246
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,872
All right.
247
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,581
All right, get the stencil!
Okay.
248
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:44,484
Okay, get the paper.
249
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,053
Paper.
250
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,556
Paper.
Okay. Stencil's on.
251
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:53,360
Paper goes in here
and turn it on here.
252
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,962
Get it?
Got it.
253
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:57,097
Good.
254
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:08,641
How's it going, Balki?
Oh, it's going fine!
255
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:09,842
Just, just dandy.
256
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,945
You just finish
your article.
257
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,084
Balki.
No, no. No problem.
258
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,518
No problem, cousin.
259
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,888
Appleby?
Uh, yes, sir.
260
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,856
I need that article
in five minutes.
261
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,693
Yes, sir.
Appleton, sir, Appleton.
262
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,364
All right.
Cousin, no!
263
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,100
You have to do
your article.
264
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,035
Balki, look, I can
do this in just...
265
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:38,371
Cousin, you only have
five minutes and you just...
266
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,240
I'll just take
a look at this here.
267
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,442
All right, look, see,
here's the problem.
268
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,944
You got all these papers
jammed under the drum, here.
269
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,180
All right.
270
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,616
Oh, all right. Oops!
Get the basket!
271
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,084
The basket?
The paper basket!
272
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,020
The paper basket.
273
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:58,791
BALKI: I got it.
274
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,027
It's alive!
275
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,961
And it's hungry!
276
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,596
Turn it off!
Turn it off!
277
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,333
It, it...
I can't!
278
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:08,601
(GROANING)
279
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,837
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
280
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,805
(GROANING)
281
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,374
Balki, Balki!
What?
282
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,043
The plug, the plug,
the plug.
283
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,478
The plug?
The plug. The plug, Balki.
284
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:19,712
The plug!
285
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,286
Ow. Ow.
286
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:29,689
I did it!
Oh!
287
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:36,929
Mr. Burns, something came up
and I still have a bit of
polishing to do.
288
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,099
This is, this is news,
not silverware.
289
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,600
I need a story!
290
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:45,038
Mr. Burns, it was my fault.
291
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,907
Well, actually,
that's not the final,
final version.
292
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,809
If I could just have a...
It's pretty good.
293
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:51,744
Well, Mr. Burns, if I could
only... Pretty good?
294
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,714
I'd say, for your first
assignment,
it's pretty good.
295
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,352
See you on Monday,
Appleton.
296
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,687
Then maybe
you can explain to me
297
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:03,190
why you were trying
to mimeograph your tie!
298
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:06,593
(ALL LAUGHING)
299
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:13,300
Okay. Okay, all right.
300
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,435
But that was
an exception.
301
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,438
I mean, more often than not
he wouldn't know what to do
302
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:21,040
unless I led him
by the hand.
303
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:23,743
Come on, you guys
know that!
304
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,646
I mean, why do I feel like
I'm defending myself?
305
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:30,483
Think of all the times
that if I wasn't there
306
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,686
he wouldn't know
what to do.
307
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,694
Jennifer, you can think
of something.
308
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,164
Oh, of course I can.
309
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,669
Harriette?
I got nothin', baby.
310
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,075
I don't want to open myself
to insults.
311
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:59,346
I've got one.
Yeah, there. You see?
312
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,949
I remember the time you
taught Balki all about plumbing.
313
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,351
You see, Jennifer and I
were out of town
314
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,486
and Larry offered
to fix our shower.
315
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,488
And so he and Balki went up
there while we were...
316
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:15,061
Boy, cousin.
317
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:18,831
If you want
to make an omelet,
you've got to break some eggs.
318
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:32,512
Boy, this spackle
must be amazing stuff.
319
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:35,815
Yes, it is.
320
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,653
Now, what do you say
we button this job up?
321
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,655
Jennifer and Mary Anne
will be back tonight.
322
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,298
Cousin...
323
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,500
Where does this go?
324
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,786
Trash.
325
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:22,262
Well, I think we're ready
to test this baby.
326
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,572
(AIR HOWLING)
327
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,576
(SHATTERING)
328
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,461
It's broken.
329
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,229
No!
330
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:04,604
(GROANING)
331
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:16,616
Well, do something!
332
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:22,989
(GRUNTING)
333
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:36,002
Don't look at me!
334
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,406
Find the cut-off valve!
335
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:40,973
I think it's underneath
the sink!
336
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,743
Then turn it off!
But I can't...
337
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:44,911
Turn it off!
338
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:48,114
Cousin, I can't!
My fingers are stuck.
339
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:49,682
Go on without me,
cousin.
340
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,250
Save yourself!
341
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:54,387
Ahhh!
342
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:58,891
(GRUNTING)
343
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:13,373
Balki, get up!
344
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,381
(INDISTINCT YELLING)
345
00:21:30,357 --> 00:21:32,291
(PANTING)
346
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:37,364
(SOBBING)
347
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,639
Well...
348
00:21:50,443 --> 00:21:52,412
Maybe that wasn't
a good example.
349
00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:54,947
I guess I'm wrong.
350
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:58,885
I haven't been
helping Balki.
351
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:00,887
I've been
holding him back.
352
00:22:02,288 --> 00:22:03,523
Oh, my God!
353
00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:08,060
I helped him study
for his entrance exam.
354
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:11,731
He probably went
down there and failed
all because of me.
355
00:22:13,299 --> 00:22:15,034
I should get out
of his life.
356
00:22:16,369 --> 00:22:18,671
Look at me!
I'm a college man!
357
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:22,274
Balki, you did it!
358
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:23,576
All right,
all right.
359
00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:25,144
* For he's a jolly good... *
360
00:22:25,211 --> 00:22:29,281
No, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
361
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,750
there's something
I want to say.
362
00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:32,785
Like so many other things
that have happened to me
363
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:34,621
since I come
to this country,
364
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:36,956
I couldn't have done this
without my Cousin Larry.
365
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:41,060
Really?
Well, yes!
366
00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:45,264
Did you hear that?
367
00:22:45,331 --> 00:22:47,667
What was it? The coaching I gave
you on language section?
368
00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:50,069
Or the work I did with you
on the math drills?
369
00:22:50,136 --> 00:22:52,972
Or the mnemonic coding
I gave you to remember
the history dates?
370
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:55,708
Well, those were all great
but I was referring
to the fact
371
00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:57,777
that you loaned me
your pencil.
372
00:22:59,111 --> 00:23:01,748
Oh, come on, cousin,
I'm just kidding.
373
00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:04,150
That's, that's college humor.
374
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:09,388
Cousin, what do you say?
375
00:23:09,456 --> 00:23:10,790
* Di, di, di, di
376
00:23:10,857 --> 00:23:12,391
* Di, di, di, di, di
377
00:23:12,459 --> 00:23:13,560
* Hey, hey, hey, hey
378
00:23:13,626 --> 00:23:15,294
* Hey, hey, hey *
379
00:23:15,361 --> 00:23:16,996
(ALL CHEERING)
26917
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