Original subtitles

Um, Butt-Head, can I put the bags in your basket there?

No.

The basket is for my personal items.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Oopsy-daisy.

Oh, boy.

Here we go.

Hurry up, Butt-Head. Come on.

Hang on.

Gotta take my little rest.

A lot of stairs today.

Damn it, Butt-Head, I always have to wait for you

on the stairs because you're fat.

Shut up, Beavis.

Riding on that scooter took a lot out of me.

Damn it, Butt-Head. Get moving, you fat slob.

Come on!

OK, OK.

See? See, that wasn't so bad.

Whoa.

What's wrong?

Pain in my chest.

I can't breathe.

That's cool.

My left arm is numb.

Oh, you know what you should do?

You should spank your monkey.

It'll feel like someone else is doing it.

Oh, yeah.

Good idea.

I can't.

That sucks.

That would have been cool.

Beavis, you dumbass, I'm having a heart attack.

A heart attack?

OK.

Damn it, Beavis, get some help or something

or I'm going to die.

Oh, yeah. OK. Yeah.

Here I go. Yeah.

And don't worry, Butt-Head. Everything's going to be fine.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry about that, Butt-Head.

I had it in backwards.

OK, now, here I go.

Oh.

Backwards again.

Classic Beavis.

I'm gonna die.

Wrong way.

I think it's this way.

Yeah.

Yeah, here we go. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah!

Ow.

Why did we used to do that?

Uh, I don't know.

♪ I don't give a goddamn ♪

I don't give a goddamn!

♪ About your demands ♪

I didn't catch that.

He doesn't give a goddamn about what?

About, uh, dumbass or something.

No, I think it was, um-- I think he said, uh--

eh, it doesn't matter.

These are, like, the best lyrics I've ever

not been able to understand.

♪ You're face down, down in the ditch ♪

We should, like, go to one of these concerts

and, like, crawl around and eat dirt.

Yeah.

You know, it's probably really, really loud too, you know.

And I'm already hard of hearing, so, you know,

might as well just finish the job, you know.

That's right.

Get 'er done.

Huh? Quarter to what?

This video, like, takes me back to a simpler time.

Back when you just, like, sit on the couch

and watch stuff like this.

Not a care in the world.

Yeah. Yeah, those were the days.

Now I have to go to the unemployment office,

and I got to go get my EBT card, and ugh.

Adulting.

Uh, is that a suitcase full of scrambled eggs?

Yeah, yeah.

It's, like, scrambled eggs is the most

metal way to cook eggs.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, somebody's like,

"I'll have my eggs over easy, please."

No, I don't give a goddamn about your over easy!

Your eggs will be scrambled by the Lamb of God!

All these people stabbing each other,

they all have white privilege.

Yeah, who gets all the knives first?

Surprise, surprise.

The white people.

White people.

OK, gotta save Butt-Head.

Gotta find someone who can help.

Somebody to help Butt-Head.

I need a doctor right now!

Have you seen Dr. Jaspan before?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I was, like, eight years old, I think.

OK, have a seat and fill out these forms.

Oh. OK, yeah.

Thanks.

That's cool.

Don't worry, Butt-Head.

I'm going to write as fast as I can.

Oh, my God.

Sir, are you OK?

Is there anything I can do?

Yes.

There is one thing you can do.

What? What is it?

Me.

Creep!

I don't get this book.

What happened to the caterpillar?

Who's this moth?

See, this is why I never read.

Mr. Beavis, come with me.

Finally. Gonna save Butt-Head.

So how have you been feeling?

Well, pretty good, I guess.

I've got this one toenail that's bothering me.

Mm-hmm.

And last week it was getting, like,

all swollen and fat and gross.

And--wait a second.

Swollen, fat, and gross.

I'm here because my roommate Butt-Head needs help.

What seems to be the matter with him?

Um, he's fat and he doesn't feel good.

And he can't even spank his monkey.

He tried so hard.

It's really sad.

Well, if your friend's overweight,

he might be at elevated risk for heart attack or stroke.

Stroke.

That's what he can't do.

You know what I'm saying?

So he should make sure he eats right

and gets plenty of exercise.

Yeah, got it. Yeah.

Thank you, drive through.

Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

I'm here to save you.

The doctor said you have to eat right.

Like, as many cheeseburgers as you can.

No.

Your life is at stake, Butt-Head.

You've got to eat cheeseburgers.

Come on.

If you finish that, I'll give you some fries.

I mean, I got them for me, but I guess that's OK.

And then the doctor said you have to exercise.

- What? - Come on.

Right now, Butt-Head, get up. Come on.

Jumping jacks. Come on.

Come on. Dig deep.

This is why you're having a heart attack right now,

because you're lazy.

Come on, get it. Yeah.

Come on.

Jacks.

OK, Butt-Head, now finish strong

with a jog around the block.

Come on, let's go.

Oh. Oh, no.

I think he's going to be all right.

That kid's a fighter.

A neighbor called about someone

having a medical emergency.

Everything's OK, sir.

All taken care of.

He didn't finish his cheeseburger.

Well, more for me.

Yep.

Beavis, you earned it.

Chirp.