Original subtitles

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

Would you please turn off that radio?

Why, lady, that's Kay Kyser.

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

Hey! Will you shut off that radio? My wife's trying to sleep.

Yeah, well, you'd better wake her up, buddy, or she'll miss Kay Kyser.

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

You know who that is, honey? That's Kay Kyser.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

[BELL RINGS]

- Students! AUDIENCE: Bing Crosby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Are you sure? AUDIENCE: Yeah.

Well, all right. That's right, Bing Crosby is a crooner who has four boys...

...and he's not making a picture called My Son, My Son, My Son, My Son.

I'm sorry you missed that, Mr. Corey. Miss Gabby Lawson, for your last question.

Mr. Ray Wolfe of Chapel Hill, North Carolina, wants you to name this song.

[BAND PLAYING "POP GOES THE WEASEL"]

- "Pop Goes the Weasel." - What?

- "Pop Goes the Weasel." - You popped it right on the head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, what's the difference between a weasel, an easel and a measle?

What's a measle?

Go ahead, break out with it.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Uh, a measle is one of the measles, I guess.

Ha, ha, that's all right. Now, if there is such a word as "measle"...

...it's the singular of "measles," is that right? Or am I too rash?

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Now, what's an easel?

- Well, an easel is a... - Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, don't use your hands.

Describe it in words for our radio audience.

Well, an easel is a sort of stand for artists to put their paintings.

Right, right. That's good enough.

An easel is a frame to support a painter's canvas...

...or on which to place an object of art or a painting.

That's what you said, isn't it? Ha, ha, yeah.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Now, what is a weasel? This one's very "easel."

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

A weasel is a little man.

A little man?

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Are you sure?

That's what I've heard my mother call my father.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Oh, now. Could be, could be.

As a slang expression, you're absolutely right.

Although a weasel is really a small four-legged animal.

But that's very good, Miss Lawson. Thank you.

Thank you. Now, Mr. Corey, here's your last question.

Mr. Frank Martinelli of San Francisco...

...wants you to name this song and tell us from what picture it was taken.

[BAND PLAYING "HEIGH-HO"]

"Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho."

- Correct. "As off to work we go." - That's right.

Is that song from Gulliver's Travels...

...Snow White, Pinocchio or Gone With the Wind?

- It's from Pinocchio. - No, take another guess.

Don't let this get you "Disney." Go ahead, take another guess.

[BELL RINGS]

- Students. ALL: Snow White.

Right. "Heigh-Ho" was the marching song...

...of Snow White's friends, the Seven Dwarfs.

Now, can you name three of the Seven Dwarfs?

[SNEEZES]

Cut it out.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

- Sneezy. - Sneezy. I wonder how he got that?

Now, two more, ha, ha.

Oh, boy, boy.

- Happy. - Happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're doing fine. Sneezy and Happy and one more...

- Oh, Dopey. - What are you looking at me for?

[ALL LAUGHING]

- Just for that you have to sing. AUDIENCE: Oh.

The song is "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean."

And in case you're nervous... By the way, here are the words to the song.

In case you're nervous, we're gonna give you a bite of this cake every now and then.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Just to help you along.

All right, let's go, and don't stop singing. Take it away, Lyman.

[BAND PLAYING "MY BONNIE LIES O VER THE OCEAN"]

[SINGING] My Bonnie lies over the ocean

A bite.

My Bonnie lies over the sea

- Another bite. AUDIENCE: Ha-ha-ha.

My Bonnie lies over the ocean

A bite.

Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me

A bite.

- Bring back - Bite.

- Bring back - Bite.

- Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me - Bite.

- To me - A bite.

Bring back, bring back Oh, bring back

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND BELL RINGING]

All right, all right, nice work.

The final round is over, and the judges have decided...

...the winner of this evening's session of the College of Musical Knowledge...

...is none other than Miss Gabby Lawson of Chicago.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

- Enjoying the program, honey? - I certainly am.

I can't understand how they make it come out on time.

Good management. Where do you suppose Kay would be if it weren't for me?

- Right out there where he is now. - Ha, ha, you're a very smart girl.

What a session. What a session.

And now, no more cogitation, it's time for relaxation.

So off with your thinking caps, on with your shoes with taps.

And like a fella once said, "Grab yourself a coed."

What I mean is, come on, children, just dance.

[BAND PLAYING "LIKE THE FELLOW ONCE SAID"]

[SINGING] Just like the fella once said

It's Sully Mason, Ginny Simms, Harry Babbitt, Ish Kabibble and all the gang.

Take it, Sully.

[SINGING] Like the fella once said Who sat on his hat

I'm telling you, baby I'm leaving you flat

Like the bale of hay said That dropped from a load

I'm telling you, baby I'm hitting that road

Yes, hitting that road

BOTH [SINGING]: Admitted, you fooled me for a spell

But just like the farmer told the well

I dug you

- Like the bicycle pump said to the spare CHORUS: Ooh

Uh-huh

- I'm telling you, baby, I'm giving you air CHORUS: Ooh

- So there CHORUS: So there

- Like the fella once said CHORUS: Like the fella once said

[SINGING] Like the fella once said To the mule that was sick

I'm telling you, baby

You're losing your kick

Know what the short chair said to the tall chair?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] What did the short chair say?

"High, chair."

[BAND LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

[SINGING] Like the fella once said While shaving his mush

I'm telling you, baby You're getting the brush

Know what the bug said to the windshield?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] "That's me all over."

Yeah. "That's me all o..."

[BAND LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

[BAND PLAYING "THINKING OF YOU"]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

They'll be off the air in two minutes.

- Let's wait in Kay's dressing room. - All right.

[KAY IMITATING AUCTIONEER]

Well, nothing old-fashioned about radio, is there?

Nothing except the comedian's jokes.

You know tonight's the first time I've seen you in six months?

- Let me take a look at you. - Let me take a look at myself first.

Something tells me your face is gonna be an awful shock to Kay's mirror.

Ha, ha, my lips just won't stay on.

- They stay on me just fine. - Oh...

You can't improve on that face and you know it.

Sometimes I think I ought to break down and ask you to marry me.

- Why don't you? - You're not rich enough.

Oh, but my Aunt Margo is. Incidentally, I wrote her all about you.

You know, auntie is a lady who is very hard to please.

Say, what...?

What "what"?

Oh, uh, what did your Aunt Margo say?

Well, she said she'd be very glad to have me back home...

...after so many years at school.

She's glad I invited friends for the night I arrive...

...because it's the eve of my 21 st birthday, and I should have a party anyway.

She'll be very happy to meet my young man...

...and hopes Mr. Kyser won't charge her much for playing at my party.

"Love and kisses, Aunt Margo."

- Chatty old babe, isn't she? - Heh-heh-heh.

- Kay. - Say, Chuck...

...there's a few things I want you to do for me...

Whoa, hold the striptease. This lady comes from nice people.

- Whoa, oh, excuse me. CHUCK: Ha, ha.

- Kay, I want you to meet Janis Bellacrest. - Hello, Mr. Kyser.

KAY: The name is Kay. How do you do?

I don't usually undress in front of strange ladies.

- I'm sure you don't. - Come to, Kay.

Janis is the girl you're gonna play for tomorrow night.

- Oh, of course, that's the birthday party. CHUCK: Yes.

- Then you're the girl that Chuck, uh... - That's right.

The girl Chuck met when you were playing Boston.

Say, you told me she was just a schoolgirl.

- She was when I met her, finishing school. - Oh, but now I'm finished.

I know you have a lot of things to do, so I'll run along.

- Did you tell Mac we'll be using the bus? - It's all taken care of.

- I'm looking forward to tomorrow evening. - Thanks.

- So long, boss. - So long.

You're not going back to Bellacrest Manor tonight, are you?

- Mm-mm, I have to finish my shopping. - That's all I wanted to know.

How about a short rumba a long Cuba libre?

- Oh, I can't argue against that. - Swell. I'll get a cab.

MAN: Go.

[CROWD MURMURING]

CHUCK: Let her through.

Taxi!

Drive down Broadway.

I'd like to get my hands on the drunk who was driving that car.

He couldn't have come much closer if he was trying to hit you.

He was, Chuck.

- What? - I don't believe that man was drunk.

- I think he aimed at me deliberately. - Well, how do you figure that?

Chuck, that's the third near accident I've had in two weeks.

I didn't mention it because I can't be sure of it...

...but I think somebody's trying to get me out of the way.

So that's why you're packing that artillery in your bag.

I saw it in the mirror.

Oh, but it doesn't make sense, honey.

Who would wanna flatten out those curves of yours?

I haven't the slightest idea who or why.

- You know what I think? - Mm-mm.

I think that you've been the victim of a series of unpleasant coincidences.

You get back home tomorrow, and never give it another thought.

Maybe you're right.

- I'm probably dramatizing the whole thing. - Certainly.

Just the same, I'm glad you're coming to the house.

I'll feel a lot better with you and Kay and the gang around.

Sure you will.

We ought to be pretty near. Two or three minutes maybe.

This'll be a pleasure. I enjoy playing for the 400.

You made the Society page today, Kay. Listen.

"The guests at Janis Bellacrest's 21 st birthday party tonight...

...will dance to the music of Kay Kyser and his band.

Miss Bellacrest returns home today after an absence of three years at school.

Some may remember that the luxurious Bellacrest Manor...

...was built by the late Elmer Bellacrest, noted financial magnate and explorer."

He must have been slightly peculiar too.

I read once that the old boy used to sit by the hour and play the piccolo.

Well, all musicians are a little crazy. That's a lie!

[MEN CHUCKLE]

[BARKS]

Ish, must you bring that fugitive from the dog pound every place we go?

Well, I couldn't leave Prince at home, Kay.

He's terribly sensitive.

[MEN CHUCKLE]

That looks like it.

What a beautiful spot for a murder.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

That's the bridge they told me about.

It's the only way of getting in and out of the joint.

Kay, you and Ginny go on ahead.

Mac, drive around to the other entrance.

- Hello there. Don't get blown away. KAY: Hello.

- How's my favorite singer? GINNY: Never better.

- Go right on in. - Are we on time?

You nearly beat me. I've only been here an hour myself.

- Jurgen, see that the boys are taken care of. - Yes, Miss.

JANIS: When it blows here, it really blows.

Yes, this ought to be a great place to fly a kite.

Make yourselves at home. Come on, I'll show you the powder room.

GINNY: I must look windblown.

KAY: Well, this is something.

We never played a party in a museum before.

The old boy certainly collected a lot of souvenirs.

Yeah, I'll bet he had a towel from every hotel in the world.

Well, here's a cozy little nook.

Yeah, this is probably where Elmer practiced exploring, ha, ha.

I'd better give the boys St. Bernard dogs in case they lose each other.

Hey, get a load of this, Kay.

- Looks like a dart game. - Yeah.

"Blowgun, Malay Peninsula. The puncture made by the dart is almost invisible...

...and the poison cannot be traced in the body.

The victim appears to have died from natural causes."

- Cute, huh? - Listen, Chuck...

...don't ever book us on the Malay Peninsula.

Chuck, how do you like the place? Don't tell me.

You just saved me from telling a horrible lie.

You haven't seen anything yet. The house is full of these gadgets.

Yes, very homey.

JANIS: I'd like to get rid of them, but Aunt Margo won't hear of it.

I think they make the place look creepy. Don't you, Kay?

Well, I don't know. L... l...

JANIS: Oh, there you are, darling. Come and meet my friends.

I want you to know my aunt, Miss Margo Bellacrest.

Uh, this is Chuck Deems, the young man I told you about.

- How do you do? - Happy to know you...

- And this is Mr. Kay Kyser. - Kay Kyser.

Yes.

- Yes, I know. - Good evening, ma'am.

Of course, Aunt Margo, you've heard Kay's music on the radio.

I've heard Mr. Kyser's music, but not on the radio.

It comes to me from another source.

Won't you come into the study, Mr. Kyser?

You must rest a moment after your long trip.

JANIS: I'll show you where the boys are going to play.

- All right. - Won't you need me, Chuck?

Oh, don't bother, Kay, I'll arrange the usual setup.

Come with me.

[BAND MURMURING]

You thinking of buying that, Ish?

No, I wouldn't give you a nickel for that bird.

That's the worst job of mounting I've ever seen.

- How do you know? - My uncle was an animal stuffer.

- He was? - Why, sure.

That's terrible. Look there.

The tail ain't on right, and he's got the eyes in the wrong sockets.

Boy, whoever stuffed that bird sure was an amateur.

[CAWING]

I'm so glad you came, Mr. Kyser.

You've made me very happy.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

You know, you and I are kindred souls.

We are? Why?

Because...

...you ask questions on the radio.

I ask questions too, but you ask them of the living, while I...

I ask them of the dead.

Of the...? Of the dead?

I have pierced the veil.

I speak to those who have gone to the other side.

Oh, yes, the other side.

Come with me a moment.

There he is, sweet soul.

You never knew my dear, departed brother, Elmer...

...did you, Mr. Kyser? - No, I don't think I ever had the pleasure.

You will meet him here, and you'll be his friend.

He, too, loved music.

And when he speaks to me now...

...it's sometimes through the voice of the instrument he loved.

The? The piccolo?

Yes, the piccolo.

Showing Mr. Kyser the family album, Aunt Margo?

Mr. Kyser and I have a great deal in common, Janis.

Uh, she means the questions. You see, we both ask questions.

Oh, auntie, I hope you haven't been boring Kay with those wild ideas.

Is communicating with the spirit of your father a wild idea?

Please, darling.

Aunt Margo has been letting her imagination run away with her.

You will believe when you see for yourself.

They come to me in the darkness.

The strange, Ionely voices of those who have gone beyond.

Elmer's voice comes too.

And sometimes his face.

And then there are other faces.

Faces of those who have long since gone beyond the veil.

Mr. Kyser knows what I mean. Don't you, Mr. Kyser?

Oh, hello there. I thought you were taking a nap.

Well, I was, my dear. Thank you. I'm so sorry if I startled your friend...

...but I didn't want to interrupt your Aunt Margo.

Oh, I'm quite sure you're welcome.

I'd like you to meet one of my dearest friends.

Judge Mainwaring, Mr. Kyser.

- How do you do? - Good evening, Spencer.

- I must say you're looking very well, Margo. - Thank you.

[GINNY LAUGHS]

JANIS: Ginny, I'll be right with you.

Come with us, Kay, I'll show you to your rooms.

- Coming, Aunt Margo? - Yes, dear.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Uh, please don't think me rude...

...but do you mind if I ask a personal question?

Not at all.

The old lady, Miss Bellacrest, is she wacky?

Wacky?

I mean, is she inclined to be?

As her attorney for several years, Mr. Kyser...

...I can assure you that Margo Bellacrest is just as sane as I am.

Oh, I see. Well, thanks just the same.

Pardon me. Well, so long, I'll see you later.

Gentlemen, your room is down the hall.

- I'm glad of that. - Oh, so am I.

[BUTLER CLEARS THRO AT]

- Mr. Kyser, this is your room, sir. - Thank you.

Who decorated this room, Robert Ripley?

This was the master's room, sir.

He was quite a collector.

KAY: Yes, the master would have been a perfect guest for Hobby Lobby.

His hobby caused his death, sir.

- His hobby caused his death? - Yes, sir.

Some African savages accused Mr. Bellacrest of looting their temple.

- But he was only collecting, of course? - Of course.

But the natives misunderstood.

Judge Mainwaring said they literally cut the master into ribbons, sir.

- Judge Mainwaring? - Yes, sir.

He was with the master when it happened.

The judge barely escaped with his life.

Can I do anything else, sir?

No, no, no. You've made me very happy.

I hope you'll be comfortable, sir.

Comfortable.

Hi, boy.

[WHISTLING]

I beg your pardon.

I trust I haven't disturbed you.

Not at all, not at all. Come right in.

- Oh, you are in, aren't you? - Yes.

I just came to tell you that the spirit of Elmer Bellacrest is in this room.

I'm sure you'll find it a friendly one.

Oh, yes, we'll get along just fine together.

Oh, forgive me. I am Prince Saliano.

How do you do?

Miss Margo Bellacrest has told me that you are a believer.

- I am? I mean, she has? - Yes, and it is well.

In this house, it is dangerous for those who ridicule.

Spirits are strongly displeased with the skeptical.

I can understand exactly how they feel.

I shall go now.

Forgive me again for this intrusion.

Uh, drop in again sometime.

Yes.

Yes, I shall.

Well, I hope Kay doesn't get the wrong impression.

I didn't know until today auntie had gone psychic...

...or I wouldn't have brought you up here. - Kay is broadminded.

I never knew there were houses like this except in mystery books.

That's where they belong, in mystery books.

[CHUCKLES]

Of course, Jurgen doesn't look his part.

In the stories I've read, the butler is always cruel and wicked-Iooking.

And I'm afraid Judge Mainwaring has much too nice a voice to frighten anyone.

Of course he has.

Judge Mainwaring was Daddy's oldest friend.

And Jurgen's been with us for years.

So even if the house does seem haunted, I'm sure that...

[GASPS]

What is it? Janis, what's wrong?

There was a face...

...at that window.

A face?

Not a soul out there. It must be your imagination.

Oh, of all the stupid things.

What a shame, Ginny. That's entirely my fault.

Oh, quel dommage.

Wouldn't it be just like me to do a thing like this?

You take that right off and wear one of mine.

I hope it fits. I've never sung in my underwear before.

Here's one that made the boys at the senior prom absolutely swoon.

Mm, I'm glad I tore mine now.

- Lily will fix this, mademoiselle. - I'm sure it'll fit, just slip into it.

Ginny, it's perfect. It couldn't be better if you were poured into it.

If I ruin this one, I'll die.

Oh, I knew I felt naked. I forgot my bracelet.

[GINNY HUMMING]

[JANIS SCREAMS]

- Hey, Kay. - Come on, Harry.

GINNY: Kay, something's wrong.

- What happened? Are you all right? - The light's went out in my room.

MAN: Did somebody get hurt?

[ALL MURMURING]

ISH: There they are. - For heaven's sake, what happened?

I went back to get my bracelet and all the lights went out.

- Well, who screamed? JANIS: I'm afraid I did.

- Is something wrong, dear? - Oh, yes, there is, judge.

[ALL MURMURING]

Just a minute, boys. Please, one at a time.

The lights went out all over the house.

- Is that what caused the excitement? - Well, yes, I screamed. It's terribly silly.

JUDGE: I'm afraid our lighting system isn't very dependable during a storm like this.

CHUCK: Then let's just blame the weather and forget about it, ha, ha.

JANIS: See what happens when I throw a party?

- Never a dull moment. ALL: Ha, ha.

- Let's go, Ginny. - All right.

- See you downstairs, Kay. - We'll be right with you.

Uh, Chuck.

There's nothing to be upset about.

You know what lightning will do to these power plants.

What's the idea?

Listen, Chuck, I just saw something that gave me the creeps.

- What? - Take a look at this.

Why, when I saw this thing sticking in the wa...

Why, it's gone.

- What's gone? - One of those blowgun needles...

...that kills you without leaving any trace. It was sticking right here.

- Oh, it was? - I saw it with my own eyes.

- Kay, I think you're going a little screwy. - Oh, you do, huh?

Well, I'm not screwy enough to stay in this place.

Now, wait a minute, Kay. Take it easy. You can't do this to me.

Oh, can't I?

You can't ruin a girl's party because you've got a case of nerves.

Nerves, my baton. Nobody's gonna keep me around a house...

...where some screwball is throwing poison darts.

Why, if his aim had been better...

...Ginny would have been wearing that in the back of her neck.

But I didn't see any dart.

When you looked, it was gone. And the next time you look, I'll be gone.

Why do you get me into these things?

All right, Kay, wait a minute. Maybe somebody did throw a poison dart...

...but if what you say is true, Janis is in danger.

We've gotta stay here and protect her.

I'm in love with her, Kay.

- You are, Chuck? - Yes, I am.

- And who is she in love with? - Well, me.

Then you protect her. I'm taking the gang back to town.

I refuse to leave Janis alone in this house.

Okay, then take her with you, but let's get out of here.

Yeah, but... But Kay, wait. What about our clothes?

Clothes are no good to a dead man. Come on.

Be reasonable, Kay.

JUDGE: Where are you rushing to? - I'm not rushing to, I'm rushing from.

There's something going on in this house that I don't want any part of. Goodbye.

Well, does Janis know you're leaving?

We're taking Janis with us.

[WOMEN MURMURING]

- Oh, what a lovely dress. - Thank you.

WOMAN: Happy birthday. - Just a minute. Please, girls.

Now that we're here, Janis, where are the men?

WOMAN: That's right, where are the men? - Quiet, wolves. Just take it easy.

For you, I've invited eight hand-picked campus heroes...

...and they'll be here any minute. So come on over here.

WOMAN: Now we're talking. JANIS: I wasn't sure everybody...

- Pardon me, Miss Bellacrest... - Oh, Kay, I want you to meet my friends.

Ladies, this is Kay Kyser.

- How do you do? WOMAN: Nice to meet you.

- May I see you a minute, please? - Why, surely. I'll be right back.

- Listen, there's something we must tell you. - Believe me, Janis, this isn't my idea.

I hope you won't misunderstand, but I've decided...

[EXPLOSION NEARBY]

WOMAN 1: Over here. WOMAN 2: What is it?

[MURMURING]

MAN 1: Hey. MAN 2: Get back.

[MURMURING]

- Jurgen, what's happened? - It's the bridge, miss.

It just went up in smoke.

- The bridge? The one we just came over? - Yes, miss.

[WOMEN MURMURING]

JUDGE: There's no cause for alarm, ladies.

The bridge has been struck by lightning. I saw it from the window upstairs.

Tonight of all nights this would have to happen.

Oh, now don't worry about it, honey. It isn't your fault.

There's really nothing for your guests to fear...

...so please don't let it spoil your party.

Janis, didn't you say that bridge was the only way to the house?

Oh, yes, it is. Or rather it was.

Isn't going to be much of a party, is it?

It's the only real adventure I've had since my first blind date.

[LAUGHING]

Well, if we're going to stay here all night, I'd better call my mother.

Oh, go right ahead.

Isn't it dreadful? All of us girls here, and no men.

Golly, that's a shame.

[SIGHS]

Operator? Hello?

The telephone is probably dead.

The storm, you know.

Oh.

- We're really stuck. - I can't control lightning.

Will you have the boys play something? It'll help quiet things down.

- Why certainly. - Thank you.

- What were you going to tell me? - Tell you?

- Yes. You know, when Kay called me aside. - Oh, that. Well, uh...

See, Kay want the band out the other end of the ballroom, but I talked him out of it.

Oh, I see.

Well, come on then, let's go.

Girls, let's go into the ballroom. Kay and the boys are gonna play.

Come on.

[WOMEN MURMURING]

[BAND PLAYING "YOU'VE GOT ME THIS WAY"]

Children, I want you to hear a handsome lad who really sings a song.

It's Harry Babbitt.

[SINGING] I've gotten so

That I don't even know If heaven is blue

All I retain in my poor addled brain Is you

'Cause you've got me this way Say

What are you gonna do about it?

What are you gonna do about it?

You've got me this way

Crazy for you

Mm, you kissed me one day

Then seeing that I was true about it

What did you go and do about it?

You left me this way

Bluer than blue

You thought it was funny

My falling so hard

I'm laughing my sides off, honey

Oh, you're really a card

You've got me this way Say

Now that I'm in a stew about it

What am I gonna do about it?

I'm just gonna stay

Crazy for you

You've got me this way Say

Oh, you've got me this way Say

Now that I'm in a stew about it

What am I gonna do about it?

I'm just gonna stay

Crazy for you

That was great, Harry. Thanks a lot.

And thank you, belles of Bellacrest with no boyfriends.

This thunderous applause from so vast a multitude of music lovers...

...makes us purr with pleasure.

And if the patrons of this palatial parlor will permit...

...we'd like to do another number.

Thank you, and we're ready.

Gentlemen, be seated.

That's what I said. A one, a two.

[BAND PLAYING "BAD HUMOR MAN"]

[SINGING] Ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling

It's the bad humor man

[SINGING] Hey, little kiddies Do you hear that noise?

[SINGING] You better fly, better fly, better fly

[SINGING] Here comes the enemy of girls and boys

Oh, what a guy, what a guy, what a guy

Hear him yell

Hear his bell

So drop your velocipedes And drop your toys

And run pell-mell

Ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling

It's the bad humor man

Ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling

With a frown on his pan

He's a gloomy Gus And a grouch on wheels

He's one of America's foremost heels

So he sings, "Ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling"

As he goes on his way

With his wagon rumbling He keeps grumbling

It sure is an awful day

KAY: Oh, boy, school is out. School is out.

London Bridge is falling down

Three blind mice

See how they run

London Bridge is falling down

[IN CHILD'S VOICE] I wanna play too.

Old MacDonald had a farm

- Throw me that ball, Rusty. - Hey, look, kids, the bad humor man.

Oh, boy, I want a chocolate one.

- Can I have a vanilla? - I'd like a little peach.

And could you give me a raspberry, mister?

With pleasure, kiddie.

[SINGING] Oh, up every morning at the break of day

What a life, what a life, what a life

Cold cup of coffee on the breakfast tray

What a wife, what a wife, what a wife

[SINGING AS CHILDREN] All day long

Things go wrong

And so as I wander on my weary way

I sing this song

- Ting-a-ling - Ting-a-ling

- Ting-a-ling - I'm the bad humor man

- Ting-a-ling - Ting-a-ling

- Ting-a-ling - With a frown on my pan

He's mean as Simon, I mean Legree

Yes, I hate people and they hate me

So he sings, "Ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling"

[IN NORMAL VOICE] As he goes

[AS CHILD] On his way

With my wagon rumbling I keep a-grumbling

Low, what a wowsy day

That's no way to act Now, why be mad?

Well, business is good But my humor's bad

Then come on, kids With your musical toys

They'll make you One of the happiness boys

Thank you, kiddies, for the helping hand You made me smile and it sure feels grand

Then keep on smiling and join the band

[APPLAUDING]

Well, I'm a few hours early, but here's to your 21 st birthday.

- Thank you. - Darling.

Today, I am a man.

[KAY CHUCKLES]

And now I'll let you in on a secret.

I had a beautiful surprise planned tonight for Aunt Margo's favorite rug maker...

...but it went haywire.

You mean Prince Saliano?

Prince? He's a prince like I'm the Queen of Sheba.

I did a little snooping when I arrived today.

And I found that poor Aunt Margo's been subsidizing...

...that turban-topped Svengali for months and months.

- On the level? - Mm-hm.

She's already given him a young fortune for the relief...

...of unemployed spirits or something equally silly.

If you think he's a phony, why don't you make him pack up his spirits...

...and take them back to the distillery? - Aunt Margo is the boss, Kay.

You see, Daddy left her the house and most of his money.

I guess he thought it would spoil me less to struggle along with a small trust fund.

- But what about the surprise? - Oh, that?

Have you ever heard of Professor Karl Fenninger?

Isn't he the psychic expert who exposed all those fake mediums?

Exactly.

Well, I had Judge Mainwaring call him up and invite him to the party.

- Why didn't he come? - Lightning trouble.

With that bridge down, he just won't be able to make it.

I hope I'm not intruding, Janis.

Oh, of course not, darling. You're just in time.

I've been telling them about his royal slyness.

Oh. You made it clear, I hope...

...that I don't entirely share your opinion of Prince Saliano.

You see, my legal training teaches me not to jump to conclusions without proof.

I'll bet Professor Fenninger would have given you proof.

But anyway, now you know why I have no surprise.

- I think perhaps I have one for you, Janis. - You have?

Yes.

Now, then, Miss Bellacrest...

...Miss Simms, Mr. Kyser, Mr. Deems.

Allow me to present Professor Karl Fenninger.

I am honored.

Professor Fenninger.

I'm really happy to see you.

Thank you.

And, uh, please forgive me for eavesdropping...

...but just part of my profession.

But I don't understand. How did you get here with the bridge down?

Oh, I arrived, of course, before the bridge collapsed, but, uh...

...I took the liberty of making a brief investigation...

...without announcing my presence.

Very clever of you, professor.

Yes, very clever.

Incidentally, mademoiselle, I owe you an apology.

- An apology? - That face you saw at your window...

...it was mine.

Oh, professor, you've made me feel better already.

- Dinner is served, Miss Bellacrest. - Thank you.

Professor, you'll join us, of course?

- Come on, everybody. Judge? - Yes.

Aren't you dining, judge?

I thought I'd have a cigarette first.

I think I will too.

Ah, The Man With the Golden Helmet.

Yes, Rembrandt.

He was indeed the master of them all.

JUDGE: I think that's one of his best.

Observe that mysterious struggle between light and shadow.

Why is she still alive?

Saliano missed again last night.

We've missed too many times. She'll certainly suspect something.

We won't miss tonight.

We must arrange for Saliano to conduct a seance.

I've planned to have it look like an accident when the room is in darkness.

[KAY WHISTLING]

JUDGE: Yes, I think Rembrandt chose the perfect subject for his time.

I beg your pardon, I forgot something.

I'm always leaving this case around somewhere.

I hope I didn't disturb you.

And by the way, dinner is served.

Who is this fellow, Kyser?

Some band leader.

We have nothing to fear from him. He's perfectly harmless.

No, thank you.

- Kay, did you tell him? - Not yet.

Come on and tell him now.

- Are you sure it'll be all right? - I'm positive. Come on.

So you see, my work might be dangerous...

...but never boring.

Absolutely fascinating.

Pardon me, may I see you a moment, professor?

Madame, excuse me, please.

- Well, certainly. Of course. - He is interesting.

Listen, professor.

Janis wants us to get Saliano to hold a seance so you can expose him.

She's convinced he's a faker.

That wouldn't surprise me at all.

Fine. Now, if we work together, you can be a great help.

I'll get him steamed up, then you hop in and challenge him...

...so he won't be able to back down.

Is that okay with you?

I couldn't have thought of a better plan myself.

Good. I'm certainly glad you are here, professor.

Miss Bellacrest is a mighty nice girl...

...and I'd hate to see anybody take advantage of her.

Naturally.

- But we'll take care of her, won't we? - Yes, indeed, we'll take care of her.

Oh, boy. Boy, I can hardly wait.

Am I going to enjoy this.

JANIS: Attention, please.

Quiet, everybody.

I think with a little persuasion we might get Ginny Simms to sing for us.

[MURMURING]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

I'd love to sing for you, but of course, we're really not prepared.

Are we boys?

MEN: Oh, no, no. Not a bit.

[WOMEN LAUGHING]

[SINGING] I'd know you anywhere

I'd know that grin

I'd know you anywhere

When you walked in

I would tingle with a single glance In your eyes

Watching the starlight

Dance in your eyes

Mm, you saw my vacant stare

You understood

I'd love you anywhere

Honest, I would

I was certain this would happen

Strange as it seems

I'd know you anywhere

From my

Dreams

Mm, I'd know you anywhere

I'd know that grin

I'd know you anywhere

When you walked in

I would tingle with a single glance In your eyes

Watching the starlight

Dance in your eyes

You saw my vacant stare

You understood

I'd love you anywhere

Honest, I would

I was certain this would happen

Strange as it

Seems

Ooh, ooh, ooh

I'd know you anywhere

From my

Dreams

This is splendid, delightful.

Thank you very much.

What beautiful quality, what tender expression.

Watch me go to work on him.

You have a real voice, my dear.

It's criminal to waste it on such trash.

That may be trash to you, Prince Saliano, but modern music is our business.

Oh, you know what I mean, prince.

We have our business and you have your business.

Please do not refer to my calling as a business.

Oh, no offense. I just meant that everybody has to stick to his own racket.

Racket?

Do you dare to suggest that the practice of the occult sciences is a racket?

Do not merely suggest it, Mr. Kyser, insist upon it.

If you are trying to provoke me, Professor Fenninger...

...you're wasting time.

Your guest is unbearably rude, Janis.

Professor Fenninger, I demand you apologize to Prince Saliano...

...for daring to question his integrity.

Forgive me, madam. I simply meant I should enjoy witnessing one of these...

...so-called, uh, psychic manifestations.

So-called?

Prince Saliano, I insist that you conduct a seance at once.

- But Miss Bellacrest... - I insist.

I will not have these people think we are fools.

Very well. For you, I will do it.

But I warn you, for those who scoff at their existence...

...the spirits consider no punishment too drastic.

- We're going to have a seance. - Do you see spirits?

- Isn't it exciting? - What happens?

You were great, you were terrific.

Thanks a lot, professor, I appreciate your cooperation.

And I appreciate yours.

This is just what I wanted to happen.

Dear, do you think your birthday party is the proper place to hold a seance?

It's the perfect place to cure Aunt Margo.

Come on, everybody, let's go to the ballroom. Come on, girls.

Chuck. Ginny, you can walk with us. This is kind of thrilling.

[MURMURING]

Ish, why do you suppose the prince wears that towel around his head?

Well, he probably just washed his hair and he can't do a thing with it.

Oh.

[CHUCKLES]

Why do I have to waste my time outwitting morons?

Make sure not to be near her chair when it happens.

- It must look accidental. - Certainly.

The time is at hand.

Make ready for his exalted highness...

...Prince Saliano of Rahlahipur.

You will notice a pair these spheres...

...guarding every entrance and exit of this room.

Any interference that breaks the invisible ray between them...

...will meet with destruction.

Lest anyone is tempted to toy with this instrument of death...

...let me demonstrate its effect.

[WOMEN SCREAM]

[WOMEN GASP]

This room is now sealed with the fire of death.

Let no one attempt to enter or leave.

[WOMEN GASP]

Boy, we're in trouble.

I wish I was back in the Palace Theatre.

You see, my dear professor, all the spheres are in excellent working order.

Yes, I'm convinced the room is very effectively guarded...

...but may I inspect that tent?

Please do.

[WOMEN GASP]

It is desirable to have sitters of both sexes.

Perhaps some of Mr. Kyser's musicians will oblige?

- Why, certainly. I'll sit in, Kay. - Fine.

Harry, Ish, Sully.

- You don't mind, do you, fellas? - Oh, no.

If I don't come back, call me up on a Ouija board.

- Are you satisfied, professor? - Yes, I am.

Please continue.

Will you all kindly be seated?

JANIS: Come on, Ginny. SALIANO: And you too, Mr. Kyser.

This is swell. I'll be able to watch him better from there.

Excellent idea.

And remember, if you need help, you just yell.

Thank you.

Mr. Kyser, perhaps your excellent pianist...

...could play something, uh, suitable to the mood?

With pleasure.

- Acrobat music, Lyman. - Mr. Kyser.

[WOMEN GIGGLING]

[PIANO PLAYING SOMBER MUSIC]

I shall ask Judge Mainwaring to assist me with the lights as usual.

If for any reason the trance must be broken, strike the gong three times.

I quite understand, Prince Saliano.

One thing more. Miss Bellacrest...

...the contact will be stronger with your aunt at one end of the semicircle...

...and you at the other.

- Do you mind? - Not at all.

I like being end man.

- Kay, will you change with me, please? - Why, certainly.

A change might do me good.

Presently I shall assume a state of trance...

...in which the higher mind merges with the astral portion of the human ego.

In that state, I shall command the spirit of Elmer Bellacrest.

Other spirits may make themselves known.

Speaking through the medium of sounds associated with them.

If you recognize them, answer quickly.

Now, everyone will join hands.

[WOMAN MURMURING]

Shucks, this is fun, isn't it?

[WOMAN MURMURING]

SALIANO: You may dim the lights.

[CHANTING INCANTATION]

[CROWD GASPS THEN MURMURS]

WOMAN: Where's it going?

[WOMEN SCREAM]

[MURMURING]

SALIANO: The spirit of evil is trying to enter this room.

But have no fear, the fires of death will guard us.

[HORN PLAYING]

MAN: What's that? VOICE [CHANTING EERILY]: I am near you.

I am near you.

[TOM-TOM BEATING]

[CHANTING EERILY] Bellacrest, Bellacrest.

I killed Bellacrest.

Bellacrest, Bellacrest.

I killed Bellacrest.

Bellacrest, Bellacrest.

I killed Bellacrest.

Bellacrest, Bellacrest.

[TOM-TOM FADES]

SALIANO: The great moment has come...

...for those who would commune with their lost ones.

[EERIE WAILING]

[IN EERIE VOICE] I am Elmer.

I am Elmer.

I am so lonely.

Open the veil and let me through.

Janis.

Janis, believe.

Believe in Saliano.

Trust in him.

Janis, Janis.

Janis.

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

MAN 1: Oh, Janis. Oh, Janis. MAN 2: Turn on the lights.

Give her some air.

Get her a drink of water.

[MURMURING]

- Sully, get some water. Janis. - My dear.

- Is she all right? - She wasn't hit, was she?

No, she fainted, she fell from her chair.

- It's lucky she fell before that chandelier did. - Yes.

Will you all stand back, please? Miss Bellacrest isn't hurt.

WOMAN: Oh, my God. Poor Janis.

This man is not faking.

He's really in a trance.

The gong. He told Judge Mainwaring if...

[GONG CLANGS]

What has happened?

- Is anything wrong? - Yes, there is something wrong.

My niece narrowly escaped a tragedy.

There is a disturbing influence here.

It's a good thing it disturbed your niece or she'd be a spirit now herself.

- You. You are the disturbing influence. - Me?

Please don't excite yourself, Margo.

Miss Bellacrest, let me assist you to your room.

There, that's better, honey. How do you feel?

Chuck, that face.

- My father's face. - Don't think about it now, dear.

WOMAN 1: It's all right. WOMAN 2: Janis, don't worry.

- Can't we take her upstairs? - Yes, of course. Come on, darling.

Come on.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think that under the circumstances...

...we had better consider this evening at an end.

On behalf of Miss Bellacrest and her aunt...

...I apologize for this unfortunate accident.

Nobody can tell me that was an accident.

- Why, Saliano asked her to sit in that chair. - Yes.

And if she hadn't changed seats...

...you would have been sitting under that chandelier.

- That's right. - And you might not have fainted.

That's right.

What a night. I hope we get out of this place alive.

Well, we got ourselves in, we'll have to get ourselves out.

We got ourselves in? You got ourselves in.

All right, all right, I'm doing the best I can.

At least Janis and Ginny are safe.

I personally saw that every door and window in their room...

...was locked and bolted.

- That reminds me. - And I feel better being closer to them.

I hope you don't mind my staying here with you, Kay.

Oh, no. Oh, no. I don't mind.

I can go to my own room if you think my snoring will bother you.

No, no, I like a little snoring. It soothes me.

Ha, ha, if I talk in my sleep, just ignore me.

Oh, I'll fall right asleep too, and then we'll talk things over.

And we've got plenty talk abou...

What's the idea?

Either I'm getting weak, or the dampness has this window swollen.

Why did you close that? We won't be able to breathe in here.

That's why I closed it, so we'll keep on breathing.

I'm surprised at you acting the way you are.

Wait till I tell your Scout master about this.

Listen, one man handles our legal affairs because he's a lawyer.

You manage our business because you're a manager.

But this is a matter of keeping my skin whole...

...and brother, you're no taxidermist.

I'll handle this my way.

Well, you beat me.

Yeah, I beat you and you beat me.

But I don't want anybody else to come in and beat the both of us.

Well, if anybody gets in here now, he'll have to come down the chimney.

Say, I could swear there's a draft in this room.

Oh, you're anemic.

You know something, Chuck, Janis is absolutely right.

That Saliano is a phony.

- Yeah? How can you tell? - Oh, I can tell just by looking at a man.

Now, you take Fenninger.

I took one look at him and I knew I could trust him with my life.

- Kind of gift, I guess. - Wonderful thing.

Yes, sir.

With Fenninger in this house, I feel a lot safer.

Well, good night, Chuck.

Night.

[GIGGLES]

[CHUCK BABBLES]

Hey, what's the matter with you? What is it?

Look, over there.

I don't see anything.

Why, it's gone.

There was a little white thing and it was swaying like this.

You stop that. Go back to sleep. There's nothing in this room and you know...

Aah...

[KAY SHRIEKS]

[BOTH WAILING]

KAY: Oh, it's under the covers, Chuck!

CHUCK: It bit me! Get out of here! - Do something!

KAY: Hurry up, do something. - Get out of here.

KAY: Chuck, get him! - There's fur on it!

Quick, now. Hold me up, Chuck. Run.

CHUCK: Stay with him, Kay. I'll get him. Gotta find something.

Hold him, Kay.

Go on, Prince. Beat it, get out of here.

Kay, wake up.

Come on, Kay, snap out of it.

Students!

You're not on the air now. You passed out.

- Oh, did I? - Yeah.

Prince paid us a little surprise visit and nearly scared us to death.

- Oh, is that what was in the bed with us? - Uh-huh.

But, uh, what happened to that white thing?

I don't know. It disappeared when the dog got under the covers.

That's funny, it was wagging back and forth like a dog's tai...

That's it, Prince's tail.

Since when does Prince's tail light up in the dark?

I'll show you. Turn off those lights.

Hey, Prince.

Hey, Prince. Look.

Nice Prince. Nice doggy.

- Well, can you imagine that? - Here, Prince.

- Here, Prince. Come on, boy. - Come on, Princey.

[LAUGHING]

This, as Shakespeare said, is an interesting "tail."

Lights out again, Chuck.

- I knew it. I knew it. - You knew what?

Chuck, this stuff is phosphorous paint. That's what made his tail glow.

Now, what else did we see tonight that did that?

- You mean that glowed in the dark? - Yes.

I don't reme...

- Good night. At the seance. - Right, those faces.

Why, it's as simple as shooting fish in a bucket.

- Oh, boy. - Wait a minute, where are we going?

To Professor Fenninger. Wait till he hears about this.

Don't you think we'd better wait until morning?

Maybe you're right.

The sensible thing is to stay behind locked doors.

Now you're talking. Behind locked doors.

- Hey, how did Prince get in here? - Oh, why he came in through the...

- Prince. - Here, Princey.

- Princey. How did you get in here? - Where are you?

[WHISTLES]

KAY: Princey. Prince. - Princey.

- Why, he's gone. - Say, what is this?

Now, we not only don't know how he got in...

...but we also don't know how he got out.

Hey, Prince.

[PRINCE BARKING]

- There's your answer. - A secret panel.

I told you there was a draft in here.

Here, take this flashlight.

If we can find out where Prince got that phosphorous on his tail...

...we may find out a lot of other things. - Well, here we go.

CHUCK: Oh!

CHUCK: Nice cheerful little place, isn't it? - Yeah.

Either it was built this way, or they have awful big mice around here.

- Look, a light switch. - Turn it on.

We're gonna get to the bottom of this thing.

I thought it was a light switch.

You also thought it was a good idea to come out here.

- Would you mind? - Hmm? Oh.

If you ever catch me near a secret panel again, don't argue with me, slug me.

With pleasure.

- Hey, you'd better shield that light. - You're right.

- Let's be nice and quiet. - Yeah.

[METAL CLANKING]

- That's the stuff, nice and quiet. - Shh...

- Aah! - I got you. I got you.

What's the matter with you, Kay?

Don't you know a dummy when you see one?

You don't really want me to answer that, do you, Chuck?

That's all I'd need, to get hit on the head with a thing like that.

[KAY SCREAMS]

Benny Goodman fan.

Hey, where are you?

You tell me.

- Oh. - What's the matter?

Something flew in my eye.

I wish it was the plane for Los Angeles.

Hey, easy now, don't lose me.

Could we be lost any worse than we are now?

- Wait a minute, Kay. - Give me your hand.

Say, your fingers are swollen.

And, boy, do you need a manicure.

- Not so fast. - Funny acoustics in here.

You sound far away.

I am far away.

Chuck!

Aah!

CHUCK: Kay! Where are you, Kay? Kay...

Lay off of him. Kay!

Keep cool, Kay. I'll get him.

He's weakening.

Let him up. I'm gonna beat your brains out.

- I'm all right. - Yeah, you're all right, but how about Kay?

Kay's underneath this thing that l...

Don't get so excited. What's wrong with you?

- Which way now? - Let's follow Prince.

He can see as well as we can and he smells better.

Unless I'm mistaken, we came out to the garden the hard way.

CHUCK: Hard way is right.

Last time I stayed under ground that long, I came out in Brooklyn.

Where do you suppose they keep the soap and towels?

[WHISTLING NEARBY]

Somebody behind that hedge is giving signals.

- Saliano? - I don't know.

But we're gonna find out.

All right, on your feet.

KAY: Ish.

- I'm sorry, Ish. - What was it, a cloud burst?

- Why are you prowling around out here? - Well, I was only looking for Prince.

He's been gone awful long.

What made you take Prince out this time of the night?

Why, Kay, you know how headstrong he is.

How about getting back in the house? I've got a feeling we're being watched.

Let's take a look around the garden first.

- Hey, what's he looking for? - Phosphorous.

Oh.

Phosphorous.

- Hey, did you...? - Shh!

Did you come out through the front door or the garden door?

We came out through that fountain.

- Through the fountain? - Yes.

Oh.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

- What are you doing to that sundial? - Setting it. It was two hours slow.

Ish, I wish I had known you when you were alive.

[PRINCE BARKS]

Hey, Prince. Prince, come on, boy. Come on.

[EERIE WAILS PLAYING ON PHONOGRAPH]

[FOOTSTEPS APPRO ACHING]

[PHONE BEEPING]

Yes?

To your room?

I'll come immediately.

- Kay? - Kay?

- Are you here? - Are you here?

- Who are you, Little Sir Echo? - Little Sir Echo?

Oh, never mind. Now, you stay here.

I'm gonna see if he's with Sully and Harry.

Little Sir Echo.

[CHUCKLES]

That's a good one.

Kay.

Kay.

Kay.

Oh, there you are.

- What are you doing? - I was looking for you.

- In a bureau drawer? - Well, I looked all...

- Where did you disappear to? - Never mind that.

I'm glad you're all here. Listen, fellas, we're in trouble.

- Did you just find that out? - Stop clowning.

There's something terrible going on in this house.

Somebody's trying to murder Janis Bellacrest.

- Murder? - Yes. They've tried tonight and missed.

And I'm positive they'll try again.

Good night. We better get Ginny out of her room.

What, and leave Janis all alone?

- That's right, we couldn't do that. - That's one reason.

If we did move Ginny, whoever is out to get Janis would know we were onto something.

But I've got a better idea.

- Well, let's have it. - We've got to steam up another seance.

- What? - Another seance?

You mean we gotta get them spirits up again tonight?

Look, I think Saliano's running this racket, but he can't be doing it alone.

And until we find out who's in with him, nobody's safe.

Which would you rather do, take a chance on being strangled in bed or die like men?

Well, I'm tired.

If I have to die, I'd just as soon die in bed.

- Are you with me, fellas? - Sure we are.

- You can count on us. - Come on.

- Where to now? - You all wait here.

I'm gonna get Professor Fenninger.

Yes, sir. I love playing for the 400.

Professor Fenninger.

Professor Fenninger.

Psst.

- [WHISPERING] Did you hear them too? - [WHISPERING] Hear what, professor?

Why, I thought I heard voices, so I went to make sure Miss Bellacrest was safe.

You heard us talking in my room. Say, do you have a gun?

I'm never without one.

- Never. - Good.

I'm convinced there are dangerous criminals in this house.

And I think I know how we can catch them.

Oh, you do? How?

You've gotta make Saliano hold another seance.

- Another... But why? - I'll explain later.

Suppose Saliano refuses?

Judge Mainwaring can make him do it. Do you think he'll help us, professor?

Oh, I can depend on the judge, but are you certain your plan will work?

As long as you can shoot straight, you haven't a thing to worry about.

That's true. All right, I'll speak to the judge.

And thank you for taking me into your confidence.

Well, I wouldn't think of making a move without you.

- Shh. - Shh.

Boy, he's a wicked-Iooking man, that Prince Saliami.

- Well, what did he say? - Fellas, we're set.

If this works, somebody's gonna get a terrible shock tonight.

I hope it isn't me, I don't think I could stand it.

Now, here's what we do...

Another seance?

That's ridiculous, of course.

On the contrary, the suggestion of our friend, Mr. Kyser, suits us beautifully.

Are you mad?

There's no time to be wasted on Saliano's nonsense.

We have to get rid of the girl.

But you forget it's much easier to arrange an accidental death downstairs...

...than in Janis' bedroom.

Yes, but if I proposed another seance, it would surely arouse suspicions.

You won't propose it.

Margo Bellacrest will demand it.

Oh.

I see.

And one more thing.

You watch Mr. Kyser very carefully.

If he should attempt to leave the ballroom...

But what about the accident?

If she should happen to step between the electrical spheres of the darkness...

...it would be tragic.

But obviously accidental.

[FENNINGER HUMMING]

[EERIE WAILS PLAYING ON PHONOGRAPH]

[IN EERIE VOICE] Awake, Margo.

Awake.

It is Elmer.

Awake, Margo.

I am listening, Elmer.

Speak to me.

SALIANO: You must help me.

Saliano...

... must bring me back tonight.

I must speak...

... to Janis tonight.

Tell Saliano.

Yes, Elmer, I'll tell him.

I'Il... I'll get him at once.

EDDIE: I don't either.

Isn't Joan coming down?

She and Dolores said they wouldn't come down to see the Spirit of '76.

They're silly. In a house like this, I don't wanna be alone...

...unless I have plenty of people around me.

KAY: Hey, don't worry. I know it'll work.

Oh, gentlemen, everything is all set.

Ginny and Janis are locked safely in their room...

...and I left two of the boys to look after them.

- Very wise precaution. - I'll say it is.

Well, let's get going.

Janis will be down. I'll see to that myself.

- Oh, Prince Saliano. - Yes, Mr. Kyser?

Miss Bellacrest said to go right ahead.

- She's, uh, been delayed. - I see.

Oh, and by the way, you do want music, don't you?

If it is not too much trouble.

Trouble? Why, this time I shall conduct personally.

[WOMEN SCREAM]

[PRINCE BARKING]

JANIS: Ginny, get out of here. ISH: Let's get downstairs.

JANIS: Downstairs. Get the door. Ginny, come on.

Ginny, hurry up. Put your shoes on. Downstairs. Hurry.

ISH: Ginny. JANIS: Hurry.

- What are you doing here? - Can't be any worse than it was up there.

I told you to stay in that room.

Somebody tried to carve their initials on Janis.

MARGO: Janis?

- We're waiting, dear. - Chuck, what will I do?

We've gotta go through with this.

You'll take care of her, won't you, professor?

Yes.

- And this time, you can depend on me. - Good.

- I'll be right beside you. - I'm going too.

Sully, you and Ish get in there. They may need you.

A dearly beloved spirit wishes to contact us.

If you could all join hands...

[BAND PLAYING SOMBER MUSIC]

[SALIANO CHANTING INCANTATION]

[TAMBOURINE PLAYING ON PHONOGRAPH]

[ALL GASPING]

[EERIE WAILS PLAYING ON PHONOGRAPH]

[IN EERIE VOICE] I am Elmer.

- Arf, arf! - Shh, shh, shh!

I must come through again.

Help me, Saliano.

I must speak to her.

Why don't you answer?

Janis.

Janis.

Believe in Saliano.

[IN EERIE VOICE] Do you...

...hear me?

Do you...

...hear me?

I am your father.

Don't you know me?

Janis.

Janis.

Believe...

KAY [ON PA]: This is not Elmer, this is Kay Kyser.

Can you hear me up there?

Kay Kyser.

Somebody in that ballroom is a murderer.

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

KAY [O VER PA]: Get out of your chairs and watch everything.

[MURMURING]

Get back.

Get back or I'll shoot.

WOMAN: Oh, watch. Be careful.

CHUCK: Mainwaring.

[WOMEN SCREAM]

Stand back, all of you.

Stay where you are.

MARGO: Spencer. Spencer.

I warn you, Margo, you're no exception.

I'll kill the first one who makes a move.

Oh...

MAN 1: It's locked, Chuck. MAN 2: Open up.

Watch out, he may have a gun.

- Gone. He's disappeared. ISH: Oh, wow.

I've got Saliano, but look out for the other one.

Whoever it is, he's a killer.

All right, Mr. Kyser, you can sign off now.

Before I kill you, I'll thank you for the document you removed from my briefcase.

You mean, that one?

MAN: Open up.

- We can't get out. The windows are barred. - Let's try the back ones.

[EERIE WAILS PLAYING ON PHONOGRAPH]

[INSTRUMENTS PLAYING]

[SCREAMING AND MURMURING]

[WAILING STOPS]

[CROWD MURMURING]

MAN: Dang it!

MAN 1: Open up! MAN 2: Let us out!

MAN 3: Let's try this one, this right here.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

MAN 1: There he is! Get him!

- Everybody get him once! MAN 2: Hit him.

[MURMURING]

CHUCK: Let me get him, fellas. Let me take a crack.

- All right, let me get him. Hurry up. MAN 4: Oh, I got him.

- Hey, wait a minute, fellas, it's Kay. ALL: What?

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

CHUCK: The boys didn't know it was you...

...they thought it was that turban-topped Hindu that was...

FENNINGER: Mr. Kyser. - Yes, professor?

- Where's Saliano? - Knocked out in the hidden room.

- How do you reach it? - Through the settee.

- Wait, it's locked. - We'll break it open.

You stay here, I'll get them before they come to.

Fine. Remember, we're depending on you.

Prince Saliano. Oh, what a fool I've been.

And Judge Mainwaring.

But why should they want to kill you?

Well, I can tell you why. Here, read this.

- What is it, Kay? - It's a codicil to your father's will...

...directing your Aunt Margo to turn everything over to you...

...on your 21 st birthday. - But I don't understand.

Well, I do. The judge has been bleeding your aunt through Saliano.

With you handling the bankroll, they'd never get another quarter.

Oh, the swindlers, the thieves.

[STONE SHATTERS GLASS]

KAY: This window. MEN: The window.

MAN: Will you let me in, please? - Who are you?

I am Professor Karl Fenninger.

MEN: Fenninger?

Why, you can't be Professor Fenninger.

Professor Fenninger is down in that secret room...

[WOMEN SCREAM]

Stand back!

And throw up your hands, all of you.

You're a very clever young man, Mr. Kyser.

See how many clever things you can think of in the few minutes...

...before this explosive blows you all to bits.

You can't kill all these people like that. It's crazy. It's mass murder.

You'll never get away with it.

Identifying your bodies will be rather difficult.

I daresay the police will assume that ours are among them. Light that fuse.

Goodbye, Mr. Kyser.

I regret that our acquaintance should be blown up so soon.

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

Don't do this! Don't do it!

[YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

Drop it.

Drop it!

- Drop it! WOMAN: Watch out.

Drop it! Drop it!

Look out.

Drop it! Drop it!

Prince, put it down! Drop it! Go away! Get away! Prince!

- What's the matter? - He's got it again.

Prince.

[BARKING]

- He's catching them. - Drop it.

- Drop it. - Drop it.

Look, he's chased them into the bushes.

Poor little Princey, poor little pup.

[D YNAMITE EXPLODES]

He was such a nice dog. I know I should have been kinder to him.

Prince was a hero, Ish. We'll build a monument to him.

Sure we will.

[PRINCE BARKING]

What's that?

- It's Prince! - Prince!

Hey, it is. It's Prince.

Oh, Princey, come to Papa.

- Come on, boy. - Come on, Princey.

Well, that's that.

Now, if anybody knows how to build a bridge, we can go home.

Oh, Mr. Kyser, how can I ever thank you?

Well, how can I ever thank you, ma'am?

Thank me? For what?

That gadget that talks like the wind.

It gave me a great idea for a band number.

We're gonna let our instruments speak for themselves.

[BAND PLAYING MEDLEY]

Tonight, we present a new miracle of electricity, the Sonovox.

Harry Babbitt, using special Sonovox units...

...gives diction to the tones of the instruments as they play.

Harry forms the words, but the instruments sing them.

Sing it, saxes.

[SINGING IN EERIE VOICE] I'd know you anywhere

I'd know that grin

I'd know you anywhere When you walked in

I would tingle with a single glance In your eyes

Watching the starlight Dance in your eyes

You've got me this way Say

What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it?

You've got me this way Crazy for you

Now Ginny will bring you

Something she'd like to sing you

- I'd like to sing "One Track Mind." - We'll be listening.

Mm, I've got a one-track mind

It's got a point of view

All the day long It's busy with thoughts of you

HARRY: That's lovely, Ginny

I've got a one-track heart

Can't call my heart my own

Early and late It's beating for you all alone

For you alone

- I've got - [IN NORMAL VOICE] I've got

BOTH: The stubbornest pair of arms

That reach in your direction

[IN EERIE VOICE] I've got a pair of lips

That long for your affection

- But having a one-track mind - One-track mind

- Has its advantage too - One-track mind

It keeps telling me To tell you that I love you

And I must do

What my one-track mind tells me to do

Hold it, fellas. I knew there was something I wanted to tell you.

Ladies and gentlemen of the motion-picture audience...

...we've had a lot of fun making our picture and we certainly hope you've enjoyed it.

But there's one thing I want to get clear in your mind.

Remember Boris Karloff, Peter Lorre, Bela Lugosi?

Well, they aren't really murderers at all.

In fact, they are nice fellows and good friends of mine.

You know, things like this don't actually happen.

It's, uh, all in fun.

And so we'll be on the air, as usual, next Wednesday night.

And until then, we'll be thinking of you.

So long, everybody.

[ENGLISH SDH]