Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,340 --> 00:00:03,340
After Eights for breakfast?
2
00:00:03,340 --> 00:00:06,860
I never tell you this, but I
really do love you very, very much.
3
00:00:06,860 --> 00:00:08,180
Where's the toast?
4
00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:11,860
How dare you twist my baby.
5
00:00:11,860 --> 00:00:14,100
Too late, he's mine.
You can't undo it.
6
00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:16,060
Changed his little nappy.
7
00:00:16,060 --> 00:00:20,340
See that's where the true magic
of fatherhood is to be found.
8
00:00:20,340 --> 00:00:23,540
Have you ever seen anything
so amazing in your whole life?
9
00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:29,100
It's a nappy full of pooh. Not just
10
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:33,620
This programme contains
some strong language.
11
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:36,740
# Hey, Mr Bartender, get me a drink
12
00:00:36,740 --> 00:00:40,380
# I wanna cold, wet glass
with bubbles in it
13
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:46,300
# And that doesn't mean I can't
handle anything stronger now
14
00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:48,100
# Just think I'll wait a while
15
00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:51,580
# I'll have a pint of lager, please!
16
00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:55,900
# And a pack of flakeys! #
17
00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:02,460
BABY CRIES
18
00:01:14,220 --> 00:01:17,460
Oh, pull yourselves together,
the pair of you.
19
00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:19,500
We can't.
20
00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:23,100
This is supposed be a joyous time.
21
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:27,140
Who ever heard of anyone getting
depressed after giving birth?
22
00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:29,260
Go and see the doctor.
23
00:01:30,780 --> 00:01:32,540
SHE CRIES
24
00:01:43,380 --> 00:01:45,300
DOOR CLOSES
25
00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:49,660
Gaz, why are all the lights on?
26
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:52,300
You know, it's because of the...
27
00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:54,340
Ow!
28
00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:56,700
Yeah, it's because that happens.
29
00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:01,380
This place is a death trap.
I want our own place together.
30
00:02:01,380 --> 00:02:05,780
This is our own place
together, it's not that bad.
31
00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:08,420
I'll be at the estate agents.
32
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,540
What?
33
00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:12,060
Sorry, girls.
34
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:19,820
Arthur, get back down in the cellar.
35
00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:22,100
I've not finished with you yet.
36
00:02:25,860 --> 00:02:28,620
Milkman. No.
37
00:02:28,620 --> 00:02:30,420
Driver.
38
00:02:30,420 --> 00:02:32,460
No.
39
00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:34,140
Piano for sale.
40
00:02:34,140 --> 00:02:35,940
I could be a piano for sale.
41
00:02:37,820 --> 00:02:42,820
Are you looking for a job?
Yep. Finally found the motivation
to start looking.
42
00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:48,620
Strangely, it was around the same
time Janet found a little thing
43
00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:52,180
Hey, are the property
pages in there? Yeah.
44
00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:53,580
There you go. Cheers.
45
00:02:58,780 --> 00:03:01,540
What you doing?
46
00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:03,980
Oi, I could have used them.
47
00:03:03,980 --> 00:03:05,940
What for?
48
00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:07,540
Improving my reading age.
49
00:03:07,540 --> 00:03:12,140
Chucklevision has absolutely
no educational value any more,
50
00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:15,780
unless you count learning
how to look like a paedophile.
51
00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:22,780
I've got to hide all evidence
of property from Donna. What, she
wants to move? Yeah, but I just ...
52
00:03:22,780 --> 00:03:25,020
I don't want to give up the flat.
53
00:03:25,020 --> 00:03:27,860
There's so many memories.
54
00:03:27,860 --> 00:03:29,740
So many mammaries.
55
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:36,900
Health care? Not with my hygiene.
56
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:39,980
Sewerage worker.
57
00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:41,660
Not with my hygiene.
58
00:03:43,260 --> 00:03:46,500
Sheep shearer. Sheep shearer.
59
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:50,180
It's a brilliant bloke who
tackles those fleecing bastards.
60
00:03:52,980 --> 00:03:56,300
Ugh! Mmmmm-ugh!
61
00:04:01,860 --> 00:04:04,460
Kelly, the lager's gone bad again.
62
00:04:04,460 --> 00:04:09,340
Yeah. I've had Arthur over a
barrel in the cellar all morning.
63
00:04:09,340 --> 00:04:11,500
He has a weak bladder.
64
00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:19,340
SHE CRIES
65
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:21,980
PHONE BEEPS
66
00:04:21,980 --> 00:04:23,860
Ah, l-o-l.
67
00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:26,060
He's so urbane!
68
00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:31,100
Who? Oh, nobody you know. Just
the man I'm completely in love with.
69
00:04:32,260 --> 00:04:34,060
Shoo, shoo!
70
00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:40,740
This is useless. We've looked at
every house in our price bracket
in Runcorn and they're all spew.
71
00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:44,860
Who cares when my life is over?
This one sounds good.
72
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:48,260
Charming,
extremely well built and large.
73
00:04:48,260 --> 00:04:50,780
Oh, that's the personals.
74
00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:56,060
Why would a man describe
himself as cottagey?
75
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,940
I have so many hormones
and they all hate me.
76
00:05:04,580 --> 00:05:07,020
And I'm so unattractive.
77
00:05:07,020 --> 00:05:09,700
Jonny says he'll love
me no matter what,
78
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:13,660
but he won't put up with these
huge milky breasts forever.
79
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:15,820
I think you underestimate him.
80
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:19,060
PHONE BEEPS
81
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:22,020
SHE SIGHS
82
00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:26,140
It feels like all the awful things
in the world have disappeared.
83
00:05:26,140 --> 00:05:30,260
Marmite, famine, the Bedingfields.
84
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:36,660
They just don't exist to me
any more.
85
00:05:36,660 --> 00:05:41,700
But who is he? I'll have you know,
86
00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:46,540
I've got to go too.
87
00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:49,460
I've got to go and see this one.
88
00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:55,740
And with any luck this time, AMC
might actually mean all mod cons,
rather than a madman's craphole.
89
00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:57,460
No, no, you can't leave me.
90
00:05:57,460 --> 00:06:03,540
If you leave I'll cry. You
already are, you're always crying.
I can't help it, I'm postnatal.
91
00:06:03,540 --> 00:06:05,460
And lactational.
92
00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:07,340
And a little bit hungry.
93
00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:09,900
Mmm-ugh, mmm-ugh!
94
00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:12,260
Mmmm-mm-mmuh! What?
95
00:06:12,260 --> 00:06:14,580
Mmm-mm-ugh, Janet!
96
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:16,580
Mmm-mm-ugh!
97
00:06:18,220 --> 00:06:23,020
Gaz! Gaz, I have found it. I've
found the perfect place for us.
98
00:06:23,020 --> 00:06:25,260
No. No?
99
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,500
No.
100
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,940
No doubt about it,
Easter is smashing.
101
00:06:31,540 --> 00:06:33,620
I'm booking us an appointment.
102
00:06:33,620 --> 00:06:35,820
I'm busy that day.
103
00:06:35,820 --> 00:06:37,620
I haven't told you when it is.
104
00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:41,300
Yeah, but I'm usually a very
busy man, I have a lot of hobbies.
105
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,260
Looking into falconry.
106
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:51,780
Gaz, I've a good feeling about
107
00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:53,260
What about...?
108
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:59,940
So many memories.
109
00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:05,420
Gaz, what are you doing? Eh?
Why do you keep stroking things?
110
00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:10,020
It's just... I'll miss this place,
I don't want to move.
111
00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:15,780
Come off it, look, just imagine us
with an Aga, some cats on it.
112
00:07:15,780 --> 00:07:18,420
I'm not eating cats.
113
00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:22,460
And your slippers by the open
fire, and me sorting through
114
00:07:22,460 --> 00:07:27,300
the bills at the oak table before
throwing them onto the open fire.
115
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,740
It'll be brilliant. No, it wouldn't.
116
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:32,740
And you with your own pool table.
117
00:07:32,740 --> 00:07:37,180
Where do I sign? I'll book
an appointment now.
118
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:40,060
We can get Sky, I can't wait
119
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:47,220
There's just one tiny thing
that worries me about them. Yeah.
Well, it's not in Runcorn.
120
00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:49,420
What? Hello. Yes.
121
00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:52,620
I'm calling about the property.
122
00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:54,300
Yes, it's Donna Henshaw.
123
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:56,580
I think I am going to
miss you most of all.
124
00:07:58,820 --> 00:08:00,900
Mmm-ugh, ugh! Mmm-ugh, ugh!
125
00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:05,100
Mmm-ugh, ugh! Mmm-ugh, ugh!
Mmm-ugh, ugh!
126
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:12,460
Mmm-ugh, ugh! Mmm-ugh, ugh!
Mmm-mmm-ugh, ugh! Mmm-ugh!
127
00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:16,420
Jonny, you've been doing
that for four hours, please.
128
00:08:16,420 --> 00:08:21,180
Do you want me to call the doctor?
No. Just... Just read!
129
00:08:21,180 --> 00:08:23,500
The jobs. Oh, great.
130
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,340
So you're moving on too.
131
00:08:25,340 --> 00:08:31,340
I'm just going to be stuck
here like the big stretch mark
on the stomach of a big Janet.
132
00:08:31,340 --> 00:08:33,060
Biscuit.
133
00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:35,700
Biscuit. You want a biscuit?
134
00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:39,860
We'd all like a biscuit
Jonny, but some of us are
too sad to have a biscuit.
135
00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:42,940
Read, read. What?
136
00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:46,180
Biscuit factory.
137
00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:53,100
Trainee required for stock
control, supervision of orders
and quality regulation. Oh, my God.
138
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,820
Me job, Jonny job.
139
00:08:56,740 --> 00:09:01,740
Jonny! This job's in Stockport,
you live in Runcorn.
140
00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:04,660
It's calling to me, Janet.
141
00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:06,460
Like a siren.
142
00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:09,820
Nee-nor-nee-nor-nee-nor!
143
00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:12,580
It will be useless even applying.
144
00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:18,140
We'd have to move, and we can't
afford it. And I'm so rubbish and
you're so stupid and my life's over.
145
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,820
And yadda, yadda, yadda.
146
00:09:20,820 --> 00:09:25,660
Jonny! Look, it just feels
like everything's changing
and I've been left behind.
147
00:09:25,660 --> 00:09:29,620
Donna and Gaz are moving to their
own place. Louise has a new phone.
148
00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:36,260
It's just like I'm going to
be stuck here in this room,
just someone's mum. Whose?
149
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:39,540
Corinthian's!
150
00:09:39,540 --> 00:09:41,780
Oh, him.
151
00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:48,180
Just feels like I'll be trapped
here, being your trophy wife.
You're not a trophy wife.
152
00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:51,540
Really? You don't have the breeding.
153
00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,140
SHE CRIES
154
00:09:56,140 --> 00:09:58,980
Oh, no, no, Janet. Look.
155
00:09:58,980 --> 00:10:00,700
What were your ambitions?
156
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,580
Before you began to stagnate.
157
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:09,620
My ambitions? Yeah. Anything
158
00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:14,220
as long as the answer
isn't yet more bloody crying.
159
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:20,540
There is one thing. Something
that I've always wanted. Go on.
160
00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:24,220
Well, I've always wanted to go to...
161
00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:26,780
Please say Stockport.
162
00:10:26,780 --> 00:10:28,420
No.
163
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,940
I've always wanted to
go to the Gobi desert.
164
00:10:33,940 --> 00:10:35,380
Why?
165
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:40,180
I just have. It sounds cool.
166
00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:42,540
Gobi.
167
00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:46,140
Well, we can't do that.
Try something closer to home.
168
00:10:46,140 --> 00:10:51,100
Well, fine then, Jonny, I've
always wanted to sit here in this
room watching boring telly,
169
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:54,860
making egg butties for my husband
and being a milk machine to a baby
170
00:10:54,860 --> 00:11:00,100
who frankly takes after some
171
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:06,820
Fine, if you want
moving on with your life,
I'll find something I'm good at.
172
00:11:06,820 --> 00:11:09,060
Then you'll see. That's the spirit.
173
00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:11,740
And did I hear someone
mention an egg butty?
174
00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:19,100
PHONE BEEPS
175
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,300
Oh, you.
176
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:27,580
Sorry, is this seat taken? I think
it's fairly obvious that it is.
177
00:11:27,580 --> 00:11:29,300
OK.
178
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:31,500
Fe-reak.
179
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:38,060
Louise! I found the perfect
place. Me and Gaz will be in
180
00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:41,100
Excuse me, Donna,
can't you see I'm on a date?
181
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:44,820
Oh, oh, well done,
I'll get out your way.
182
00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:47,980
Not with that fe-reak.
183
00:11:47,980 --> 00:11:49,460
My phone.
184
00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:57,140
Louise, what's going on?
I think it's fairly obvious
185
00:11:57,140 --> 00:12:03,100
If you can't handle it,
then, you're just jealous.
So, how did you two meet?
186
00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:06,300
Oh, we love this story.
187
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,060
I'll tell her.
188
00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:13,660
Well, I bought him from a shop.
189
00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:19,020
Then when I charged him there was
a message, "someone fancies you.
190
00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:23,660
"To find out who,
send 'love' to 83199."
191
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:28,100
Et voila, perfect pocket-sized
polyphonic partner.
192
00:12:30,340 --> 00:12:34,420
Well, that's just a con.
And it's a phone.
193
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,580
And he's got a gorgeous
singing voice.
194
00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:43,220
CRAZY FROG TUNE
195
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:51,620
TUNE CONTINUES
196
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:54,220
TUNE ENDS
197
00:12:54,220 --> 00:12:55,540
Ah!
198
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:12,180
Hello?
199
00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:14,220
Ooh, look at this place, wow.
200
00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:16,460
I know. A candle.
201
00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:21,020
I can tell by your biscuity
aroma that you have
seduction on your mind.
202
00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:27,420
Why, yes. Beginning with an intimate
dinner for two. For starters,
we have a beer a la can.
203
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:31,140
That's a can of lager to you and me.
204
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:34,140
For mains we have
croque monsieur oeuf.
205
00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:37,580
That's eggy butty
to you and me. Tres chic.
206
00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:40,540
Followed by dodgy a la jam.
207
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:45,740
That's jammy dodgers.
208
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:50,580
I know. I feel like saying tra
and la, and la again! I'm so happy.
209
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:54,420
Is it cos you found a gorgeous new
house? That's what's made me happy.
210
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:57,180
Look.
"Rustic charm at affordable price."
211
00:13:57,180 --> 00:13:59,860
No, it's not buying a new house.
212
00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:01,420
It's having another baby.
213
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:05,540
Donna,
I'm going to get pregnant, again.
214
00:14:09,820 --> 00:14:11,420
How could I leave you, bed?
215
00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:14,820
We've had so much fun together.
216
00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:22,180
Remember that dream
you had about a crow?
217
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:24,620
So many memories.
218
00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:27,500
Hey, and all the women
I've done on you.
219
00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:31,100
Donna and...
220
00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:37,540
God! I thought I was more
experienced than that.
221
00:14:37,540 --> 00:14:43,540
Hey, I'm so sorry I didn't
get you any more dampness.
One more for the road, eh?
222
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:47,260
Gaz! Hello?
223
00:14:47,260 --> 00:14:50,860
Kelly, you can't barge
into someone's house.
224
00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:53,420
What a disappointment.
225
00:14:53,420 --> 00:14:55,020
So, when you moving out?
226
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,580
I'm not moving out.
227
00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:58,620
Yeah, you are. Donna said.
228
00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:03,500
I thought if you were moving out,
I could take this place over.
229
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:07,180
You get to keep your
name on the tenancy,
230
00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:09,220
Sex isn't a hobby. Yeah, it is.
231
00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:12,300
It's like stamp-collecting.
232
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,220
I get to lick stuff.
233
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:18,900
It's like knitting,
cos I have to use needles.
234
00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:21,740
And it's like train spotting
cos I can wear a cagoule.
235
00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:28,580
So you'll send me a form?
236
00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:34,420
Great. Yeah, it Keogh. Easy to
remember, Ke with an ogh on the end.
237
00:15:36,540 --> 00:15:38,180
OK, thank you, bye.
238
00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:41,700
Oh-hoh-hoh!
239
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:43,060
Egg butties.
240
00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:46,540
Would I be right in thinking
you're up for a bit of the old,
241
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:49,500
can't think of a euphemism,
so I'll say shag?
242
00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:55,860
Why, yes, and for afters
we have jammy dodgers.
243
00:15:55,860 --> 00:16:03,100
Which means extra energy
for the old, can't think of
a euphemism, so I'll say sperm,
244
00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:08,180
a word you probably don't want
to hear just before eating
undercooked eggs, sorry.
245
00:16:08,180 --> 00:16:10,820
No, but I will
make it up to you.
246
00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:13,500
# Doopy-doopy-doo
247
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,020
# Doppy-doopy-doo. #
248
00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:16,620
Woah-hoh!
249
00:16:16,620 --> 00:16:18,780
Oh, my perfect scenario.
250
00:16:18,780 --> 00:16:20,980
A slutty butty.
I'll get the condoms!
251
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,700
No, no, no.
252
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:25,060
I want to ride bareback.
253
00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:30,500
SHE SINGS THEME TUNE TO BLACK BEAUTY
254
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:32,660
# Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh!
255
00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:35,860
# Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh,
duh-duh-duh-duh... #
256
00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:42,140
I miss slutty old Janet. You don't
want to be taking the morning after
pill, not if you're breast-feeding.
257
00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:43,900
Well, then you can just pull out.
258
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:46,500
Yeah, like that's going to happen.
259
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,620
Then, we'll take our chances.
260
00:16:48,620 --> 00:16:55,820
And if I do get pregnant,
Corinthian gets a little playmate
and I get my role in life - mummy.
261
00:16:55,820 --> 00:16:58,700
What's going on? Are you
trying to get pregnant again?
262
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:02,020
Well, I don't seem to be
good at much else, do I?
263
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,100
I've got no job, no friends any more.
264
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:07,660
At least this one would
definitely be yours.
265
00:17:09,460 --> 00:17:11,820
Oh, shit.
266
00:17:11,820 --> 00:17:14,460
Right. Great, marvellous.
267
00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:17,300
Frigging superlative.
Ow! Jonny, I didn't mean...
268
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:22,860
Janet, just don't. This isn't easy
269
00:17:22,860 --> 00:17:27,460
No, but I know what I've
been thinking. I've been thinking
about how big Gaz's knob is.
270
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:29,900
And if his sperm's better than mine.
271
00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:36,660
And if Corinthian's going to grow
up and realises he loves
Uncle Bastard Gaz better than me.
272
00:17:36,660 --> 00:17:42,220
That's why I'm trying to be better.
That's why I need this stupid
interview in stupid Stockport, OK?
273
00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:46,580
OK. But his knob was much too
massive, and yours is nice and dinky.
274
00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:49,260
Last thing I need to hear.
275
00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:54,460
Jonny, I'll support this interview
thing and I won't get pregnant.
276
00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:58,260
And Corinthian loves you, he's yours.
277
00:17:58,260 --> 00:18:02,380
Probably not is the thing though,
isn't it?
278
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,420
Probably not.
279
00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:10,220
Jonny. I've been postnatal,
I've not thought. I didn't even
care how you were feeling.
280
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:13,860
I don't want to talk about
this ever again, OK? Why not?
281
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:19,860
I don't see why you don't hate me?
I'd kick me in the tits if I was sure
a Milky Bar wouldn't come flying out.
282
00:18:22,660 --> 00:18:30,060
Why don't you hate Gaz?
Why don't you hate us all?
I don't know. He makes it easier.
283
00:18:32,620 --> 00:18:34,940
And I don't?
284
00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:36,980
No, you don't.
285
00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:40,460
Look this postnatal thing,
Janet, I can't stand it.
286
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:44,180
I'll go to the doctor, OK?
I'll get fixed.
287
00:18:44,180 --> 00:18:46,580
I'm sorry.
288
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:53,540
Are you wearing eau d'dodger?
289
00:18:53,540 --> 00:18:58,260
Yeah. Do you mind if I cry a
little while I'm shagging you?
290
00:18:58,260 --> 00:19:01,420
No, not at all, as long
as I can do Black Beauty.
291
00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:07,300
HE WHINNIES
292
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:24,700
I didn't think I'd like it this far
out of Runcorn but it's perfect.
This is our first proper house.
293
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:28,900
I told you you'd like it. So
294
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:32,740
I can honestly see me and you
building up a proper life here,
295
00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:38,580
you know, making little garden, or
getting some chickens or horses.
296
00:19:47,580 --> 00:19:49,140
ECHOING: Ba-a-a-a!
297
00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:54,500
Her name's Louise,
she's completely frigid.
298
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:57,340
Myself, I'm an open book,
299
00:19:57,340 --> 00:20:00,900
one that needs colouring in,
if you get my drift.
300
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:04,380
In Crayola. Eh? eh?
301
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:07,220
Not in the slightest.
302
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:09,180
Fe-reak.
303
00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:13,660
PHONE BEEPS
"The credit on your account is low."
304
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,740
You tell me such interesting things.
305
00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:21,700
Ah, I think you'll find that
wasn't your property, dear.
306
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,700
And yes I do mean "dear",
307
00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,420
sarcastically.
308
00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:29,540
Erm, I think you'll find you're
a mental little fe-reak, gorgeous.
309
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:33,860
And I meant gorgeous...genuinely.
310
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:36,540
Really? No, you're a fe-reak.
311
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:40,300
Jesus!
312
00:20:41,580 --> 00:20:46,700
Gaz, I'm so happy you love it.
You've no idea how worried I was
313
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:50,020
Yeah, I've gone off that place.
Let's stay here. Eh?
314
00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:53,180
What? But this was
supposed be our new life.
315
00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:56,500
You loved that place, our place,
316
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,780
Yeah, but I want to stay here now.
I love this place. It's mine.
317
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:02,020
You know, it spells Gaz.
318
00:21:02,020 --> 00:21:06,980
Because you write your name
on things. Including me.
319
00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:09,260
I don't see why you
won't give the place up.
320
00:21:09,260 --> 00:21:15,300
You've never given up
anything for me? I'll give up
anything you want. OK, smoking.
321
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:21,460
Gaz, I gave up smoking when Janet
was pregnant. Haven't you noticed
322
00:21:21,460 --> 00:21:23,460
Exactly, exactly.
323
00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:27,100
You give up smoking, so the
least I can do is give up the flat.
324
00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:35,420
Bollocks! How many times
do you want to lose me, Gaz?
I don't, I don't at all.
325
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:40,540
Why do you want to live here all
of a sudden, when today, you really
loved that place, you really did.
326
00:21:40,540 --> 00:21:43,420
I saw you eyeing that
cubby hole in the bedroom.
327
00:21:43,420 --> 00:21:46,700
That's where I would
have kept my porn.
328
00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:51,500
And you asked the owner if he'd
be leaving the fridge. That's
329
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:56,100
So what changed?
Donna, look, when we went outside,
330
00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:59,100
Christ woman, didn't you see 'em?
They were everywhere.
331
00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:01,940
Who? The sheep.
332
00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:03,620
Hundreds of them.
333
00:22:03,620 --> 00:22:07,020
Hundreds? Well one, but you
know what I'm like about 'em.
334
00:22:07,020 --> 00:22:09,300
Please, can we look
for somewhere else?
335
00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:11,660
I did see it, come to think.
336
00:22:11,660 --> 00:22:15,380
I just forgot
how scared of them you were.
337
00:22:15,380 --> 00:22:19,660
Their little dot tails, their
bleating cries and their fluffy...
338
00:22:23,940 --> 00:22:26,420
Please. Please make it stop.
339
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:34,580
It's OK, Gaz, we'll move somewhere
340
00:22:36,020 --> 00:22:37,460
HE GASPS
341
00:22:37,460 --> 00:22:39,620
Sheep!
342
00:22:39,620 --> 00:22:43,460
Sorry,
I thought I saw one at the window.
343
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:48,660
Give my phone his drink back.
344
00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:50,940
Erm, na.
345
00:22:50,940 --> 00:22:53,260
You nasty, nasty man.
I like your shoes.
346
00:22:53,260 --> 00:22:57,060
You nasty, nasty man with
a fabulous eye for accessories.
347
00:22:57,060 --> 00:22:58,700
Give my phone his drink back.
348
00:22:58,700 --> 00:23:01,420
I'm Mickey. Don't care. Fe-reak.
349
00:23:01,420 --> 00:23:05,260
A glass of the blue
horrid stuff for the lady.
One anti-freeze coming up.
350
00:23:06,780 --> 00:23:09,820
You know, Nicola...
351
00:23:09,820 --> 00:23:13,620
from the Girls Aloud,
has those exact same shoes.
352
00:23:13,620 --> 00:23:16,540
Oh, been reading Heat! have we?
353
00:23:16,540 --> 00:23:19,460
Well, I know your type. You're...
354
00:23:19,460 --> 00:23:22,900
Well, you're like me -
that's where I first saw the shoes.
355
00:23:22,900 --> 00:23:27,060
I don't read about the stars,
I dress 'em.
356
00:23:27,060 --> 00:23:29,860
You're a stylist? Who do you dress?
357
00:23:29,860 --> 00:23:34,820
Anyone who passes through
Liverpool . Brookie stars,
358
00:23:34,820 --> 00:23:37,540
You can get free clothes?
359
00:23:37,540 --> 00:23:41,580
Not just for anyone.
Only for the rich and famous.
360
00:23:41,580 --> 00:23:43,780
And the Hollyoaks stars.
361
00:23:43,780 --> 00:23:48,220
Oh, come to Mama!
No, I don't think so.
You're beyond hope.
362
00:23:48,220 --> 00:23:52,340
I mean you're wearing Primark.
363
00:23:53,220 --> 00:23:58,700
My darkest secret! Well, I'm
not going to talk to you any more,
you use your powers for evil.
364
00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:03,380
But, ah! We were getting
along really well, ah!
365
00:24:03,380 --> 00:24:05,380
SHE SQUEAKS
366
00:24:05,380 --> 00:24:06,940
Ah! You started it.
367
00:24:06,940 --> 00:24:09,940
THEY SQUEAK AT EACH OTHER
368
00:24:09,940 --> 00:24:12,220
It's such a great noise, isn't it?
369
00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:19,980
Ah-ah!
370
00:24:20,340 --> 00:24:23,540
Yes, and as a former
employer and referee,
371
00:24:23,540 --> 00:24:27,660
I would highly recommend
Jonny Keogh for the job.
372
00:24:27,660 --> 00:24:31,460
He has been a passionate aficionado
of biscuits for many a year.
373
00:24:31,460 --> 00:24:36,500
Although here at Janet Corps,
we prefer to call them dunkers.
374
00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:38,460
Oh, you've heard it.
375
00:24:38,460 --> 00:24:42,580
Yes, we're marvellous, aren't we?
Yes. OK, well, good day. Kisses.
376
00:24:45,220 --> 00:24:50,580
Do you think they'll know I'm
lying? With my home number being
377
00:24:52,220 --> 00:24:54,220
No, not a chance.
378
00:24:54,220 --> 00:24:59,100
Are you only saying that because
you think I'll get mad and bring
379
00:24:59,100 --> 00:25:00,740
Yeah, pretty much.
380
00:25:00,740 --> 00:25:06,100
And that I'll use it to
blackmail you into bum love again?
381
00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:08,340
Yeah, pretty much.
382
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:11,420
You know, what you did
with Gaz, Janet, it hurts.
383
00:25:11,420 --> 00:25:14,220
Oh, stop, Jonny, it hurts me too.
384
00:25:14,220 --> 00:25:18,020
Not as much as the bum love,
but it still hurts.
385
00:25:18,020 --> 00:25:23,020
Well, I'm getting a job, so I can
support us. That'll make it easier.
386
00:25:23,020 --> 00:25:26,180
Yes, and I'll get
this postnatal thing sorted.
387
00:25:26,180 --> 00:25:29,420
PHONE RINGS
388
00:25:29,420 --> 00:25:31,660
Hello?
389
00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:34,060
Yes, this is he.
390
00:25:35,460 --> 00:25:38,460
Well, that's very astute of you.
391
00:25:38,460 --> 00:25:42,700
I believe you've made
a meretricious decision.
392
00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:44,540
Good day to you, sir.
393
00:25:44,540 --> 00:25:46,260
Mm, yah, yah.
394
00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:53,740
Mmm-ugh, mm-ugh! Mmm-ugh, mm-ugh!
What? Jonny - interview.
395
00:25:53,740 --> 00:25:55,380
Jonny - biscuit!
396
00:25:59,460 --> 00:26:01,580
You still want to live with me?
397
00:26:01,580 --> 00:26:05,140
Of course. Good, because
I still want to live with you.
398
00:26:05,140 --> 00:26:08,500
Even if it is in
this godforsaken hellhole.
399
00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:11,060
Thanks again, you know.
400
00:26:11,060 --> 00:26:12,580
Yeah, it's OK, Gaz.
401
00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:14,380
Come 'ere.
402
00:26:19,420 --> 00:26:21,140
HE SIGHS
403
00:26:25,460 --> 00:26:29,340
Come on, you can do this.
You can do this, come on.
404
00:26:29,340 --> 00:26:30,580
OK.
405
00:26:36,780 --> 00:26:38,300
Oh, God.
406
00:26:42,380 --> 00:26:43,940
Ugh!
407
00:26:49,380 --> 00:26:51,980
OK. OK.
408
00:26:52,660 --> 00:26:55,540
Baaaaaa!
409
00:26:57,860 --> 00:27:01,340
Come on! Come on, man,
you can do this.
410
00:27:01,340 --> 00:27:02,860
Come on.
411
00:27:02,860 --> 00:27:04,420
You can do this. Come on.
412
00:27:04,420 --> 00:27:06,660
All right.
413
00:27:08,380 --> 00:27:11,820
# Old MacDonald had a farm
414
00:27:11,820 --> 00:27:13,900
# Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh
415
00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:17,940
# And on that farm,
he had some...
416
00:27:17,940 --> 00:27:20,220
# (Ooh) ..sheep
417
00:27:20,220 --> 00:27:24,140
# Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh
With a ba... #
418
00:27:24,140 --> 00:27:27,220
Hello, yeah, this is Gary Wilkinson.
419
00:27:27,220 --> 00:27:32,220
Yeah, I'd like to put an offer
in for the full asking price on
the house we viewed yesterday.
420
00:27:36,100 --> 00:27:40,860
I want you to come with me to
Liverpool tonight. You're going to
get this job Jonny, I know it.
421
00:27:40,860 --> 00:27:42,580
I have a job interview today too.
422
00:27:43,820 --> 00:27:48,180
Welcome to Speedy Cruise,
it's a life on the ocean wave
for you m'hearty.
423
00:27:48,180 --> 00:27:49,860
Aaaaargh!
424
00:27:49,860 --> 00:27:51,940
I need to talk to you.
425
00:27:51,940 --> 00:27:55,300
You with you job, me with my
house. You will come and stay?
426
00:27:55,300 --> 00:27:57,340
It's not going to happen, is it?
427
00:27:57,340 --> 00:27:59,740
This is the end of it all, Gaz.
33231
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof