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1
00:00:01,940 --> 00:00:05,780
I shouldn't have tried to tell Jonny
about...you know...you and Gaz.
2
00:00:05,780 --> 00:00:07,180
La-la-la-la-la!
3
00:00:07,180 --> 00:00:10,180
I want to go on holiday. OK. Where?
4
00:00:10,180 --> 00:00:12,220
Two weeks...
5
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,420
hiking in Ecuador.
6
00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:17,820
Would I be right in thinking
that's in Wales?
7
00:00:17,820 --> 00:00:22,340
You've done a test? I'm having
a baby. There's your news!
8
00:00:22,340 --> 00:00:27,420
What made your day so hard if it
9
00:00:27,420 --> 00:00:33,420
She wanted to tell Jonny about me
and Janet sleeping together.
10
00:00:37,940 --> 00:00:39,580
# Hey, Mr Bartender
11
00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:41,060
# Give me a drink
12
00:00:41,060 --> 00:00:44,700
# I want a cold, wet glass
with bubbles in it
13
00:00:45,780 --> 00:00:50,620
# That doesn't mean I can't
handle anything stronger now
14
00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:52,900
# Just think I'll wait a while
15
00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:58,820
# I want a pint of lager, please!
And a pack of flakeys
16
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:06,460
RADIO IS ON
17
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:15,420
Where...where's me duvet?
18
00:01:18,140 --> 00:01:20,260
Me vase!
19
00:01:20,260 --> 00:01:22,740
Me Habitat lamp!
20
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:27,260
Where's me cushions?!
21
00:01:28,340 --> 00:01:32,220
Oh, my God, I've had gay burglars!
Donna!
22
00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:35,220
Oh, my God, they've taken her too!
23
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:39,780
No-one's taken me, I've moved my
24
00:01:39,780 --> 00:01:44,740
More convenient for what? Not seeing
your lying bastard face ever again!
25
00:01:44,740 --> 00:01:48,180
I didn't lie.
I just didn't tell you something.
26
00:01:48,180 --> 00:01:51,940
Should I tell you every single thing
I ever do?
27
00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:58,420
Like...like yesterday, I had
Smarties for dinner. Last night
I had a dream about a giraffe.
28
00:01:58,420 --> 00:02:02,700
Last month you had sex with my best
friend and forgot to mention it.
29
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:06,540
It didn't mean anything.
It just happened.
30
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:12,500
Maybe the same can be said for our
31
00:02:13,780 --> 00:02:16,140
We're going to Ecuador!
32
00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:21,660
I've already packed.
33
00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:28,980
I'm still going. I'll tout
your ticket at the airport.
34
00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:32,620
Can you stop being calm?!
Can we have a row?
35
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:38,900
For a row, you need two opposite
points of view. I think you're
36
00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:41,580
I am truly sorry I slept with Janet.
37
00:02:41,580 --> 00:02:43,900
It only happened once.
38
00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:50,980
Well, three times. But all in the
same go, so it only counts as once.
39
00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:57,660
It's the stupidest thing I've ever
done. If you forgive me, we'll be OK.
40
00:02:57,660 --> 00:02:59,700
Gaz, come here.
41
00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:05,580
I bought this as well!
42
00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:17,540
SHE SINGS ALONG TO RADIO
43
00:03:17,540 --> 00:03:21,500
Turn that bloody racket off!
It's your favourite!
44
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:24,580
I'm practising for when I'm a dad.
45
00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:28,780
I don't mind Busted, cos at least
they play their own instruments.
46
00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:31,300
You'll be great with a baby.
47
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:34,460
I've decided to be a strict father.
48
00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:38,500
I shall summon the children
49
00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:45,220
Woe betide them if they make
50
00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:49,260
You won't be strict.
You're a big softy. I'm not.
51
00:03:49,260 --> 00:03:55,020
I'm growing a moustache. Might be
52
00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:59,860
It's great you're doing all this,
53
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:03,260
I've already done one.
You've got a job?!
54
00:04:03,260 --> 00:04:05,780
Don't be daft! I've bought a car.
55
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:08,220
What kind of car?
56
00:04:08,220 --> 00:04:13,660
Dunno. Gaz has sorted it. Must be
57
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:18,380
But you can't drive.
You haven't got a licence.
58
00:04:18,380 --> 00:04:21,140
So what's this?
59
00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:25,500
Cycling proficiency.
60
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,660
And it says you failed.
61
00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:30,140
Gaz is going to teach me.
62
00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:34,460
I want everything to be ready for
63
00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:36,820
LOUISE: Is anybody in?
64
00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:43,020
Just to let you know, I've finally
sorted out my courtroom appearance.
65
00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:47,220
You've got a lawyer?
No, I've got a dress! Look!
66
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:51,940
It cost a fortune,
but it makes me look innocent.
67
00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:58,020
I'll leave this here for
my solicitor. She's coming tomorrow
to hear Jonny forgive me.
68
00:04:58,020 --> 00:05:01,780
Forgive you? What for?! Nearly
69
00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:05,820
Oh, yeah. Partly that, but mainly
70
00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:09,580
Proves I can be
a useful member of society again.
71
00:05:09,580 --> 00:05:11,980
Again?!
72
00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:15,380
I know Jonny forgives me.
He's such a big softy!
73
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:19,300
I'm not a big softy, I'm a grown
man. No-one tells me what to do!
74
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:24,980
He's cute when he has a tantrum! How
cute is this? I don't forgive you.
75
00:05:24,980 --> 00:05:29,820
Jonny. You've got to! I forgive you.
What for?!
76
00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:33,780
For that haircut.
77
00:05:33,780 --> 00:05:39,460
For being lazy and a bit stupid.
78
00:05:40,660 --> 00:05:42,860
I don't think that's helping.
79
00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:44,900
How can I make you forgive me, then?
80
00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:51,220
Not by waltzing into my house
without wiping your feet and asking
cheeky questions! Go to your room!
81
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,380
But... Ah!
82
00:05:53,380 --> 00:05:55,540
But... Ah!
83
00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:57,380
But... Ah-ah-ah!
84
00:05:57,380 --> 00:05:59,380
Oh!
85
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:04,220
Mmm, wow. That was quite masterful.
86
00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:08,100
Like I said, once I'm a dad,
I'll need to start being serious.
87
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:12,300
Perhaps it's time to think about
getting a job.
88
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,820
MUSIC BLARES
89
00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:24,860
Flat seems so empty without Donna.
90
00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:29,460
Awww. Would you like me to come
round and shag you in it?
91
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:36,060
No! The last thing I want to do
is upset Donna even more.
92
00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:38,500
Oh, but I want a boyfriend.
93
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:42,540
Munch was all right for a bit,
but I was afraid of snapping him.
94
00:06:43,580 --> 00:06:46,300
Look, babe, you're a lovely girl...
95
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:50,940
I want Donna back.
It's cos of me clothes, innit?
96
00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:54,260
Me mum always said
I wasn't slutty enough.
97
00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:56,860
She's a prostitute.
98
00:06:59,260 --> 00:07:02,900
And some Fox's Glacier Mints
for long journeys.
99
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:07,860
It's only my first driving lesson.
I don't think I'll need all this.
100
00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:11,220
You never know.
Where did you get it?
101
00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:13,980
It was my granddad's before he died.
Oh.
102
00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:16,500
In a terrible car crash.
103
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:18,740
Off you go, then!
104
00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:21,900
See you later, baby mother.
105
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:25,540
Hi, Jonny. I'm off for
a driving lesson off Gaz.
106
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:30,300
Hurry or he'll teach someone else
to drive behind your back(!)
107
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,620
OK.
108
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,900
Hiya.
109
00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:37,100
Oh, God. Jonny driving a car!
110
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:41,140
Doesn't seem like yesterday he was
111
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,900
Well, it was yesterday!
112
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:48,060
Donna? I know what happened.
113
00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:53,860
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry! I'm glad
114
00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:58,500
Er, can I just check...
what is it you actually know?
115
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:01,900
You and Gaz.
116
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:06,900
OK, then. Sorry, sorry, sorry!
Oh, God, how did you find out?!
117
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:10,700
I think my first clue
was something Gaz said.
118
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:14,740
We were just lying in bed, chatting
about this and that, and he said,
119
00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:16,820
"I've had sex with Janet."
120
00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:19,180
Yes, I think that was it.
121
00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:22,900
It only happened once. Three times.
122
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:26,700
All in the same go,
so it counts as once.
123
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:30,100
Oh, God! Donna, I am so sorry.
124
00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:33,780
I'm glad you know.
I've felt terrible about this.
125
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:37,780
Ah, have ya? Ahhh.
How can I make things right?
126
00:08:37,780 --> 00:08:41,820
You could tell me you're sorry
and that it'll never happen again.
127
00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:46,740
Or remind me of the great times
128
00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:52,740
But that wouldn't work. I think
the only thing that might make me
feel a tiny bit better... Yeah?
129
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:56,700
Is if I beat you up. Beat me up?
130
00:08:56,700 --> 00:09:00,660
Physically kick the living shit
out of you.
131
00:09:00,660 --> 00:09:04,700
I don't think that'd make you feel
any better. Oh, I think it will.
132
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:09,460
We can't pick up our friendship
133
00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:11,580
Can't we...? It's for the best.
134
00:09:11,580 --> 00:09:15,500
I'm pregnant! Well, great. Yeah!
135
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:17,820
Now I can't even twat you!
136
00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:25,260
Right, where's Herbie?
137
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:27,420
Who's Herbie?
138
00:09:27,420 --> 00:09:31,220
Me name for the car.
Jonny, only girls name their cars.
139
00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:35,660
But I like Herbie. Then make it
a special name for your penis.
140
00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:40,580
He's already called Quentin.
You can make it a special name
for my penis.
141
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:44,580
That's a far more masculine thing
to do(!) Let's see her then.
142
00:09:47,460 --> 00:09:50,860
The car, Munch! Oh, right you are.
143
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,740
Gaz...
144
00:10:01,740 --> 00:10:04,460
Gaz, it's beautiful.
145
00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:09,620
Yeah, well it isn't a Rolls Royce
or anything... Isn't it?
146
00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:11,860
Isn't it?
147
00:10:11,860 --> 00:10:15,380
That's the beauty of knowing
mechanics. We can do it up for you.
148
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:18,860
I've started already.
Look - electric windows.
149
00:10:22,020 --> 00:10:25,020
Wow. I'm so lucky.
150
00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:27,580
New car, engaged to Janet.
151
00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:30,500
I wasn't gonna tell you this yet,
152
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,540
but Janet's pregnant.
153
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:35,540
What?! Well, since when?!
154
00:10:35,540 --> 00:10:41,980
Four weeks. I know what you're
thinking, it was four weeks ago I
dumped Kate and got back with Janet.
155
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:46,220
Otherwise Kate
might've taken the bullet.
156
00:10:46,220 --> 00:10:50,260
Yeah. And it's thanks to you
that me and Kate split up,
157
00:10:50,260 --> 00:10:54,900
so in a funny sort of way, it's
158
00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:58,020
Oh, no it isn't! It is, Gaz!
159
00:10:58,020 --> 00:11:02,100
HORN BLOWS
160
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:04,740
Go on, Munch. Back it out for us.
161
00:11:06,380 --> 00:11:10,860
BLEEPING
162
00:11:10,860 --> 00:11:14,900
"Stand well clear.
Vehicle reversing."
163
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:20,980
You should still punish me, Donna.
I deserve to be punished.
164
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:23,420
You could scratch me.
165
00:11:23,420 --> 00:11:25,820
Bite me?
166
00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:28,020
Um...give me a Chinese burn.
167
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,420
A really bad one.
168
00:11:30,420 --> 00:11:32,700
Or...a dead leg.
169
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:35,060
God, I hate dead legs. They kill.
170
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:37,740
I know what I'm gonna do.
171
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:42,740
You shagged Gaz. I'll shag Jonny.
Tit for tat.
172
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:48,500
That's silly! Silly. Be silly
to shag someone else's boyfriend.
173
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:52,220
Silly, silly, silly!
I'm such a silly sausage!
174
00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:56,980
Donna, no! Shave all my hair off.
Shave it off and I'll eat it!
175
00:11:56,980 --> 00:11:58,980
Bye!
176
00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:01,620
Donna!
177
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:07,740
Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
178
00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:12,020
Don't worry about it. It's always
a bit jerky on the first lesson.
179
00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:14,100
I'd agree if I was the one driving!
180
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:17,460
Whoa! Are you sure you're OK?
I'm fine!
181
00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:23,500
You've been acting weird
since I mentioned the baby.
No, it's brilliant about the baby.
182
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,980
What's bothering me
is that Donna's left me.
183
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:31,460
You must've done something terrible!
I slept with someone else.
184
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:33,500
Gaz, who was she?!
185
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,620
You don't know her.
186
00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:39,740
I know everyone round here.
She's not from round here. She's...
187
00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:43,380
She's a Gypsy. Wow!
188
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:47,260
That's why Donna was in such
a bad mood! You've seen Donna?!
189
00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:50,220
Did she tell you about...the Gypsy?
190
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:54,020
Don't keep calling her the Gypsy!
She's got a name! Yes.
191
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:57,900
Consuelo. Well, she didn't tell me.
192
00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:01,940
She's probably still there.
I'll go and get her. I'll get her.
193
00:13:13,940 --> 00:13:16,420
ENGINE ROARS
194
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:21,140
Rrr-rrr-rrr-rrr-rrr.
195
00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:23,740
HE SCREECHES
196
00:13:23,740 --> 00:13:26,300
Hi, Jonny. Are you going my way?
197
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:32,540
Donna?
198
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:36,660
Janet.
199
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:38,380
Gaz.
200
00:13:38,380 --> 00:13:40,340
Are you, er...
201
00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:43,020
Yeah, I'm...
202
00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:46,780
Look, er, Jonny told me about the...
203
00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:48,380
Oh.
204
00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:51,260
I mean. It's OK.
205
00:13:51,260 --> 00:13:55,500
Well, there's no way it could be...
206
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:58,300
Good. So Jonny's the...
207
00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:01,020
Yeah, he's...
208
00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:03,820
You know, for... Yeah, um...
209
00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:07,180
Good.
210
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,780
Can I have a...
211
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,940
It's good we can talk about this.
212
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,100
Yeah. It's always best to be...
213
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,140
Yeah.
214
00:14:21,220 --> 00:14:24,740
Gaz, why did you have to tell her?
215
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:27,660
I don't know. It just came out.
216
00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:31,500
If you hadn't spilled the beans to
217
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:37,100
It's when I spilled my beans to you,
the problems started. Where is Donna?
218
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:41,260
She's gone looking for Jonny.
To tell him about us?! No!
219
00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:43,500
To have sex with him. What?!
220
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:49,660
It's for revenge. Don't worry,
she won't persuade him. She's not
selling raffle tickets, Janet!
221
00:14:49,660 --> 00:14:53,860
She's offering her pink,
young flanks up for his pleasure!
222
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,020
Her pink what?!
223
00:14:56,020 --> 00:15:00,460
Flanks! She's got amazing flanks! If
Jonny sees them, he'll want a piece.
224
00:15:00,460 --> 00:15:07,220
No, he isn't! That's never gonna
happen. People don't just shag
225
00:15:13,660 --> 00:15:17,700
You can put her in gear now,
if you like. OK.
226
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:20,340
You'll have to move your hand.
227
00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:25,860
Jonny, I want you to take me,
right here, right now.
228
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:31,620
I knew this'd happen.
229
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:33,700
Did you? Oh, yeah.
230
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:39,700
I said to myself, "Jonny, as soon
as you get some wheels, you'll be
peeling off the women like scabs."
231
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:44,180
That's what's got you going.
Whatever. Just take me.
232
00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:48,220
I'm sorry, Donna. This is
a family car and I'm a family man
233
00:15:48,220 --> 00:15:50,820
with one careful lady owner. What?
234
00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:55,900
It's a dream to make love in a car
235
00:15:55,900 --> 00:16:00,260
He's a good bloke.
You should forgive him.
236
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:02,860
Jonny...
237
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:05,620
You really are a very lovely man.
238
00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:11,620
No doubt about it, Herbie.
239
00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:14,780
You're a sex-mobile.
240
00:16:14,780 --> 00:16:17,580
GEARS GRIND
241
00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:21,380
Jonny, there you are!
I've been desperate!
242
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:26,300
Bloody hell, it works! I've thought
of a way to make you forgive me.
243
00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:31,220
I'm going to bribe you... with
biscuits. Well, that's just stupid.
244
00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:33,300
What kind?
245
00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:40,900
What did she do to you, Jonny? She
246
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,940
Did she touch you?
247
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:48,980
She's upset about you and Consuelo,
but we had a little talk
and I think she might come round.
248
00:16:48,980 --> 00:16:50,540
HE WHISPERS
249
00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:52,380
GEARS GRIND
250
00:16:52,380 --> 00:16:54,340
Gaz?
251
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:58,380
I'm not stupid, you know. There's
something going on back there.
252
00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:01,620
What?! A tapping noise at the back.
253
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:05,660
Could you ask Munch to do something
about it? Course, sorry, Jonny.
254
00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:10,260
MUNCH! Stop tapping!
255
00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:20,900
"The most vulnerable road users
are pedestrians, cyclists
and motorcyclists."
256
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,620
And hedgehogs.
257
00:17:24,940 --> 00:17:28,100
Hello, Jonny.
I've got something for you.
258
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:30,740
I won't be bribed! It's not a bribe.
259
00:17:30,740 --> 00:17:33,460
This time it's more of a threat.
260
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,820
Herbie! What have you done to him?!
261
00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:44,820
If you don't read this forgiveness
speech to my solicitor,
262
00:17:44,820 --> 00:17:48,780
your precious Herbie will be in for
a CRUSHING disappointment.
263
00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:51,340
Eh?
264
00:17:51,340 --> 00:17:54,780
I mean he's going to the crusher,
Jonny!
265
00:17:54,780 --> 00:17:59,980
You're a monster! Not at all. My
266
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:06,980
Obey me and you'll be back behind
the wheel before you can say, "I
267
00:18:06,980 --> 00:18:09,740
Ciao!
268
00:18:11,020 --> 00:18:13,900
Fine. Crush him! I don't care!
269
00:18:29,380 --> 00:18:31,700
What are you doing here?
270
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,580
Um...
271
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:37,420
Can I borrow me tin-opener back?
Just for a minute.
272
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:41,820
Been trying to open these hot dogs
with a shoe, but it's not happening.
273
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:46,340
Still not forgiven me?
274
00:18:46,340 --> 00:18:48,740
For lying to me?
275
00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:53,140
For betraying me? For tearing my
276
00:18:53,140 --> 00:18:56,980
Yeah. No.
277
00:18:56,980 --> 00:18:59,580
We can still be friends though, eh?
278
00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:04,300
Forget about me, Gaz. You've got
279
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,740
Haven't you figured it out?
280
00:19:06,740 --> 00:19:11,540
Janet's having your baby. No, it
281
00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:18,460
A) Janet's slept with Jonny a
million times and not got pregnant.
Even his name's a contraceptive!
282
00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:22,060
But one squirt from you
and suddenly she's up the stick.
283
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:26,100
B) If you wanted to shut me up, you
just had to say you used a condom.
284
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:29,700
You did not say that,
therefore no condom.
285
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:32,220
We used a condom. Bit late for that.
286
00:19:32,220 --> 00:19:36,260
C) It's a fact that strange sperms
287
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:41,580
That's just nature's way of being
a right bastard. That's bollocks.
288
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:44,100
Yes, but a load of whose bollocks?
289
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,340
Piss off now,
I've got a plane to catch.
290
00:19:47,340 --> 00:19:50,700
What, today?!
We weren't going for weeks!
291
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:55,420
Moved it forward. No point hanging
292
00:19:55,420 --> 00:20:00,420
I know that, Gaz. That's why I'm
293
00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:03,940
No, no!
294
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:07,980
I forbid you to go to the airport.
Do you hear me? I forbid you.
295
00:20:07,980 --> 00:20:10,660
Huh! Tough!
296
00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:12,900
April fool.
297
00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:18,220
What?
It's just a big practical joke.
298
00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:20,740
I didn't really sleep with Janet.
299
00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:23,580
Just pretended for a laugh.
300
00:20:23,580 --> 00:20:26,620
You should've seen your face!
301
00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:31,780
Please,
just take what you want and leave.
302
00:20:31,780 --> 00:20:34,140
Whatever I want? Yes!
303
00:20:34,140 --> 00:20:38,180
Don't make it difficult.
I know this is hard for you, Gaz.
304
00:20:38,180 --> 00:20:42,220
There's no way you're gonna change
305
00:20:43,780 --> 00:20:45,820
Good!
306
00:20:49,460 --> 00:20:52,380
On our journey through life,
307
00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:56,660
we are privileged to meet maybe one
308
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:59,500
Such a person was Louise.
309
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:05,380
Enter Louise,
drawn by two stallions.
310
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:09,420
I wrote it for my funeral,
but you get the gist.
311
00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:14,460
I'm not saying this! I think you
312
00:21:14,460 --> 00:21:18,860
Or your Herbie's coming home
in a glove compartment.
313
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:22,500
Fine. Fine.
314
00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,860
Crush him. I will.
315
00:21:24,860 --> 00:21:27,940
I don't care. Neither do I.
316
00:21:29,540 --> 00:21:31,580
DOORBELL RINGS
317
00:21:31,580 --> 00:21:33,620
It's Herbie! He's escaped!
318
00:21:36,140 --> 00:21:38,860
Oh, it's you. Hi, is Janet here?
319
00:21:38,860 --> 00:21:42,500
JANET?
It's all right. I'll go through.
320
00:21:43,780 --> 00:21:46,700
Nine minutes, Jonny.
321
00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:49,380
Tick...tick...tick.
322
00:21:49,380 --> 00:21:50,620
Tick!
323
00:21:50,620 --> 00:21:52,660
Gaz. Have you seen Donna?
324
00:21:52,660 --> 00:21:56,260
Yeah, just now.
She still thinks I'm the... Why?
325
00:21:56,260 --> 00:21:59,260
Because I've got strange sperm.
326
00:21:59,260 --> 00:22:02,140
It can't be as strange as Jonny's.
327
00:22:02,140 --> 00:22:04,740
His is fizzy, for one thing.
328
00:22:06,460 --> 00:22:11,060
It's not yours.
You can't know for sure. Yes, I can.
329
00:22:11,060 --> 00:22:13,100
I've had a test.
330
00:22:13,100 --> 00:22:16,420
Have you? Yes. What happened?
331
00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:20,580
I took some of Jonny's sperm
while he was asleep, and, um...
332
00:22:20,580 --> 00:22:25,740
I took it to the clinic -
the fatherhood testing clinic -
333
00:22:25,740 --> 00:22:32,500
and they put it in a jar
with some chemicals and it came up
to say Jonny was the father.
334
00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:35,540
Oh, thank God for that!
335
00:22:36,820 --> 00:22:40,340
Yeah.
Anyway, what else did Donna say?
336
00:22:40,340 --> 00:22:44,900
Not much. She was on her way to the
airport. What? We've got to stop her!
337
00:22:44,900 --> 00:22:49,500
S'OK. I already have. A little
souvenir of our time together.
338
00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:53,940
You stole her passport?! It was the
only way I could stop her leaving!
339
00:22:53,940 --> 00:22:58,580
You might as well lock her
in a cupboard! Why did you do it?!
340
00:22:58,580 --> 00:23:02,300
Because...!
I didn't think of the cupboard idea.
341
00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:06,340
Gaz, don't you think we've screwed
up her life enough already?
342
00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:08,940
I'm taking it back. You can't!
343
00:23:08,940 --> 00:23:12,980
She'll hate us even more! You have
to let her make her own decisions.
344
00:23:12,980 --> 00:23:17,260
Janet, no! I forbid you, Janet.
I forbid you to go to the airport.
345
00:23:20,020 --> 00:23:23,060
Why does that never work?!
346
00:23:23,060 --> 00:23:26,740
Just off to the airport, Jonny.
OK. Have fun.
347
00:23:26,740 --> 00:23:29,140
Just off to kill myself, Jonny.
348
00:23:29,140 --> 00:23:32,580
OK. Have fun.
349
00:23:32,580 --> 00:23:37,300
Don't be a fool, Jonny.
My solicitor will be here any minute.
350
00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:42,380
I haven't been a fool. Actually,
351
00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:48,980
What do you mean? I can't give in
to blackmail or any time you wanted
anything, you'd nick me car. True.
352
00:23:48,980 --> 00:23:53,460
But I could forgive you...
I mean, really forgive you...
353
00:23:53,460 --> 00:23:56,260
if you could forgive me.
354
00:23:56,260 --> 00:23:58,500
What for?
355
00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:01,220
You know that dress you left here?
356
00:24:01,220 --> 00:24:04,700
The one you were going to wear
in court?
357
00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:08,500
I gave it to the Cancer Shop.
358
00:24:10,340 --> 00:24:12,860
DOORBELL RINGS
359
00:24:12,860 --> 00:24:18,660
So, you forgive me, I forgive you,
360
00:24:20,180 --> 00:24:25,580
Do come in. Hello, I'm...
361
00:24:25,580 --> 00:24:32,100
We appreciate this. There must've
362
00:24:32,100 --> 00:24:36,620
Yes. Though to be fair, there were
363
00:24:36,620 --> 00:24:40,220
What would you like to say
to Louise today?
364
00:24:40,220 --> 00:24:44,020
Um...
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
365
00:24:44,020 --> 00:24:48,060
Louise was a shining star
in all of our lives,
366
00:24:48,060 --> 00:24:51,740
a source of spiritual
as well as physical beauty.
367
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:54,580
She will be sadly missed.
368
00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:59,620
Oh...and I forgive her.
369
00:24:59,620 --> 00:25:03,220
OK, well,
that could really help our case.
370
00:25:03,220 --> 00:25:07,620
It demonstrated that she acted out
371
00:25:07,620 --> 00:25:09,180
Louise.
372
00:25:09,180 --> 00:25:11,900
You bastard!
373
00:25:13,580 --> 00:25:17,700
I beg your pardon.
You evil, vindictive piece of shit!
374
00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:22,340
I'm glad I got you shot, Jonny. I
just wish I'd done the job properly.
375
00:25:24,020 --> 00:25:27,900
OK, that might actually be
something that we need to work on.
376
00:25:32,540 --> 00:25:37,380
Ticket? Ticket?
Round-the-world ticket, sir? Madam?
377
00:25:37,380 --> 00:25:41,980
Round-the-world ticket?
£20 your ticket. Ticket?
378
00:25:43,020 --> 00:25:45,900
I'll buy it. Why are you here?
379
00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:52,540
I want you to stay and forgive me
and Gaz. Go away! I'll follow you
380
00:25:52,540 --> 00:25:55,420
Until you do forgive me. Janet,
381
00:25:55,420 --> 00:26:00,380
I'm not going away to punish you.
382
00:26:00,380 --> 00:26:04,060
Are you sure that's what you want?
Yes.
383
00:26:04,060 --> 00:26:06,980
All right. You're gonna need this.
384
00:26:06,980 --> 00:26:09,020
Where did you get that?
385
00:26:09,020 --> 00:26:12,860
Gaz took it.
He thought it'd stop you leaving.
386
00:26:12,860 --> 00:26:17,380
Right. So you followed me down here
to give it back to me? Yeah.
387
00:26:17,380 --> 00:26:21,660
So what was all that, "Donna,
I don't want you to leave!" stuff?
388
00:26:21,660 --> 00:26:24,180
I don't. Funny way of showing it.
389
00:26:24,180 --> 00:26:30,260
Donna! At least Gaz tried to get me
to stay. You can't wait to get rid
390
00:26:30,260 --> 00:26:33,740
It's not like that!
No, cos I'm not going. What?
391
00:26:33,740 --> 00:26:38,860
Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm
392
00:26:40,860 --> 00:26:43,380
Don!
393
00:26:44,420 --> 00:26:48,980
Tickets?
394
00:26:48,980 --> 00:26:52,140
£10 your tickets!
395
00:26:55,940 --> 00:27:00,540
Don't look at me like that. I never
thought she'd actually do it.
396
00:27:06,860 --> 00:27:09,700
Cheers, Herbie.
397
00:27:14,580 --> 00:27:16,620
Do you like me new dress?
398
00:27:16,620 --> 00:27:18,900
£3.50 from the Cancer Shop!
399
00:27:18,900 --> 00:27:23,020
Do you mind?
I'm having a moment here.
400
00:27:25,380 --> 00:27:30,020
We'll have you back on the road
in no time. No time at all.
401
00:27:30,020 --> 00:27:32,060
Oh!
402
00:27:33,380 --> 00:27:37,020
Don't tell anyone.
I haven't had sex since Donna left.
403
00:27:37,020 --> 00:27:40,700
Go on then. We'll have to be quick.
404
00:27:40,700 --> 00:27:43,700
I am really worried about Donna.
405
00:27:44,660 --> 00:27:47,140
I've had some bad news. Bad news?
406
00:27:47,140 --> 00:27:51,940
I could be Donna's lifestyle coach.
407
00:27:51,940 --> 00:27:55,740
Just after she found out you'd
slept with Gaz. She was suicidal.
31483
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