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1
00:00:02,020 --> 00:00:04,260
You made me late for Mum's funeral.
"Mummy"?
2
00:00:04,260 --> 00:00:08,260
Made a mistake with the flowers? The
florist wouldn't do "Whore-hound".
3
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:12,260
Being shot in the leg could be the
best thing that ever happened to us.
4
00:00:14,860 --> 00:00:17,220
Excuse me, don't I get any credit?
5
00:00:17,220 --> 00:00:21,300
Not for getting me shot in the leg,
no. It's me that got you shot.
6
00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:23,540
Me, me, me! What? Oh!
7
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:31,220
# Hey, Mr Bartender, give me a drink
8
00:00:31,220 --> 00:00:34,860
# I wanna cold black glass
with bubbles in it
9
00:00:35,940 --> 00:00:40,780
# And that doesn't mean
I cann't handle anything stronger now
10
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:46,060
# I'll have a pint of lager, please
11
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:48,980
# And a pack of plain, please. #
12
00:01:00,380 --> 00:01:03,180
Look at all this stuff.
I don't know where to start.
13
00:01:04,620 --> 00:01:09,860
Listen, I know this is
going to be emotionally hard,
14
00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:11,860
clearing you're mother's things.
15
00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:13,900
Oh, no, Gaz.
16
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:16,820
It's all right. If you need me,
17
00:01:16,820 --> 00:01:20,340
I'll be watching the
telly with a beer. OK?
18
00:01:20,340 --> 00:01:23,540
You're supposed to be
my tower of strength.
19
00:01:23,540 --> 00:01:25,740
I have been, them
ashes are bloody heavy!
20
00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:29,580
That's a jar of biscuits!
21
00:01:29,580 --> 00:01:31,780
Is it?
22
00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:35,060
I spent days being scared of that.
23
00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:42,500
Where's Mum then?
Her remains are on the mantelpiece,
but her soul is all around us.
24
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:45,940
All around us? Yes, she's everywhere.
25
00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:50,740
Everywhere? Aww.
26
00:01:50,740 --> 00:01:53,380
Look at these photos.
27
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:58,260
Me and my Dad, and
me with Uncle Sven.
28
00:01:58,260 --> 00:02:00,500
Me with Uncle Maudikai.
29
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,020
Me with Uncle Chi Sam Woo.
30
00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:06,860
These men are all your uncles?
31
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,740
They used to buy me sweets when
my Dad was away.
32
00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:14,940
Mum would show them an embroidery
and they'd have arguments
about how good it was.
33
00:02:14,940 --> 00:02:16,820
Oh my God, she slept with them all!
34
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,180
There was a letter
for you this morning.
35
00:02:23,180 --> 00:02:26,540
It looked important so I opened it
in case there was money in it.
36
00:02:26,540 --> 00:02:29,660
It says you have to see your
mum's solicitor, Mr Walker.
37
00:02:29,660 --> 00:02:31,420
Good old Uncle Walker.
38
00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:42,140
Are you making this toast?
39
00:02:42,140 --> 00:02:45,740
I'm starving. I'm still
doing your special topping.
40
00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:49,180
I've picked the coloured ones out
of your Hundreds And Thousands.
41
00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:51,340
There. Just the chocolate ones left.
42
00:02:51,340 --> 00:02:52,940
Yummy! Hundreds And...
43
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,100
Oh, just hundreds.
44
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:56,780
This isn't enough chocolate.
45
00:02:56,780 --> 00:02:58,900
You're my only source of sustenance.
46
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,100
Oh!
47
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:05,380
I don't see why you can't
walk to the shop and
get your own sustenance!
48
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:08,100
The physio said it would do you
good to get exercise.
49
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,780
You don't understand, Janet.
50
00:03:09,780 --> 00:03:12,500
There's all sorts of
horrible things out there.
51
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:16,300
Policemen with guns, rabid dogs...
52
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:17,820
Darius.
53
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,060
What's that on your hand?
54
00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:24,020
It's an all-seeing eye.
55
00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:27,260
With this eye, I see all.
56
00:03:27,260 --> 00:03:28,980
Clue's in the title.
57
00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:30,900
It's to ward off danger.
58
00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:32,500
What does it see, exactly?
59
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,700
Mostly we just watch telly.
60
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:38,100
Police Academy 6 on
Living at the moment.
61
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:42,780
Like Police Academies 1 to 5,
only with a look of
"We're doing this for the money."
62
00:03:42,780 --> 00:03:47,300
How can you watch that after
a police sniper shot you?
63
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,700
The policeman who shot me was a
violent maniac.
64
00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:51,900
These are nice, jokey police.
65
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:55,620
Oh look,
she just sprayed mace in his eye!
66
00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:58,060
He'll go blind!
67
00:03:58,060 --> 00:04:01,980
Oi! Come on, come shopping with me.
68
00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:04,580
We need more food and
you need the exercise.
69
00:04:04,580 --> 00:04:09,940
Come on! If you sit there all
day you'll turn into that obese
man we saw on the Cook Report.
70
00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:12,500
You know, Roger Cook.
71
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:18,020
I won't.
72
00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:21,220
They'll kick me with
their big-boy footballs.
73
00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:23,980
Come on! Look, just try.
74
00:04:23,980 --> 00:04:25,940
OK, I'll come to the park.
75
00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:27,860
But only if you get me a 99.
76
00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:29,860
No, a Funny Feet!
77
00:04:29,860 --> 00:04:32,140
No, a Nobbly Bobbly!
78
00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:35,100
Brilliant, your knee will thank me.
79
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:38,500
If any big boys come near me,
I'll put my evil eye on their balls.
80
00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:42,500
Keep that to yourself.
81
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,340
Police sniper!
82
00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:47,740
What?
83
00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:50,660
They're out there, Janet.
84
00:04:50,660 --> 00:04:52,980
I can't leave the house.
85
00:05:00,060 --> 00:05:03,980
Your solicitor has referred you
to me for counselling, Louise.
86
00:05:03,980 --> 00:05:06,580
Do you understand why? Yes.
87
00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:09,300
I caused Johnny's shooting
by changing his records.
88
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:12,340
I did quite a good
job of it, actually.
89
00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:15,180
Because of me,
he is officially a cat burglar,
90
00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:19,660
a diamond smuggler,
and Thailand's tallest prostitute.
91
00:05:19,660 --> 00:05:23,820
What we need to establish is
what made you do what you did.
92
00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:26,460
Why don't you tell me a
bit about your childhood?
93
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:30,940
Well, I came from a
loving and supportive home.
94
00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:32,980
My parents adored me.
95
00:05:47,620 --> 00:05:49,740
Mum? Dad?
96
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:53,300
Oh, looks like they moved again.
97
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,140
And your relationships with men?
98
00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:02,620
How have they been? Oh, I
never have any problems with men.
99
00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:04,580
I'm Miss Congeniality.
100
00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:08,940
Only I'm not a shite
Sandra Bullock film.
101
00:06:08,940 --> 00:06:11,780
All the men in my life loved me.
102
00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:19,460
Johnny kissed me. Blaarg!!
103
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:22,260
You taste of lard!
104
00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:25,660
You see, the thing is, Louise...
105
00:06:25,660 --> 00:06:27,620
Raaarrrh!
106
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:30,340
Voulez-vous couche avec moi,
ce soir?
107
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:34,540
Where you going? I'm going home.
108
00:06:34,540 --> 00:06:36,420
HIGH-PITCHED: Ah! Ah!
109
00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:40,340
Well, see ya.
110
00:06:45,460 --> 00:06:48,220
So, why the animosity
towards Johnny?
111
00:06:48,220 --> 00:06:51,260
I can't help think Johnny
has done something to make you,
112
00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:53,740
subconsciously perhaps,
want revenge.
113
00:06:53,740 --> 00:06:55,260
Not really.
114
00:06:55,260 --> 00:07:01,180
I actually quite like the
fetid old fool in some ways.
And you like his girlfriend?
115
00:07:01,180 --> 00:07:06,940
Yeah, but just recently
she's been a bit off with me.
116
00:07:06,940 --> 00:07:10,180
I can't think why.
Could you be repressing a memory?
117
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,540
Hmm...
118
00:07:17,780 --> 00:07:21,100
Why've you got no clothes on?
119
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:23,380
Erm...
120
00:07:23,380 --> 00:07:25,460
Why are you wearing Gaz's T-shirt?
121
00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:27,580
Er...
122
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:33,380
Eww, what's that condom doing there?
Erm...
123
00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:36,620
I'm celebrating my singledom!
124
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:47,100
And breathe.
125
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,300
CREAKING
126
00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:10,980
Hold on.
127
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:14,380
My coffee.
128
00:08:14,380 --> 00:08:15,900
I didn't leave it there.
129
00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:22,340
I left it there.
130
00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:24,980
CREAKING
131
00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:28,540
Flo?
132
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:30,260
CREAKING
133
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:33,580
Flo! I know it's you!
134
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:40,460
And I'm not scared! Cos
when you were alive you'd never hurt
me, and now you're dead you're...
135
00:08:40,460 --> 00:08:42,100
You're with Satan, aren't you?
136
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:47,220
Why can't you just leave me alone?
137
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:51,540
Is it because when you died I took
this spatula from your house?
138
00:08:51,540 --> 00:08:53,220
What you doing? AH!
139
00:08:55,940 --> 00:08:59,580
I'm just making a sandwich.
140
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,020
Why did you jump
10ft in the air when I came in?
141
00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:04,380
I thought you were
a gho..gho...a burglar!
142
00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:09,300
A go-go burglar?
143
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,860
I'm not comfortable here.
144
00:09:10,860 --> 00:09:12,940
Can we just clear up and go home,
please?
145
00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:17,020
We are home.
Are we? Where's the porn?
146
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:21,700
This is so exciting. Mum
left the house to me in the will.
147
00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:24,460
There's just one condition.
148
00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:28,620
What would that be? Having high tea
every Friday with Uncle Fester?
149
00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:30,860
Aw, Uncle Fester.
150
00:09:32,980 --> 00:09:35,300
We can't open the cupboard
under the stairs,
151
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,140
but we never did anyway.
152
00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:41,820
Woah. What's in the cupboard
under the stairs?
153
00:09:41,820 --> 00:09:44,180
CREAKING
154
00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:47,900
Shh!
155
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:49,860
Did you hear that?
156
00:09:49,860 --> 00:09:54,900
Like...
the sound of a hundred headless
horsemen galloping down the stairs?
157
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:57,540
No.
158
00:09:59,060 --> 00:10:02,180
Don't you hear what I'm saying?
I own property.
159
00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:05,100
Please Gaz, for me.
160
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:09,980
All right,
let's just get this paperwork sorted
and we can go to the pub.
161
00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:12,460
Where I'll be spending a
great deal of time from now on.
162
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,500
Oh, my God! What is it?
163
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:19,660
You know you said she was everywhere?
164
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:22,940
Yes, she lives on in all of us.
She lives on in this bloody box!
165
00:10:27,740 --> 00:10:31,260
Nails and eyelashes. And teeth!
166
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:36,180
Urrg, a scalp!
167
00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:38,820
Nothing actually
burned, most of her is still here.
168
00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:43,220
I can feel her watching us now.
169
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:47,540
Well, she will be able to see
us, Gaz, because we've still
170
00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:55,860
Louise.
171
00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:58,260
It's been nearly three hours.
172
00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:02,660
Sorry, Doctor.
173
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:04,980
I had a flashback.
174
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:08,820
Janet, Johnny's girlfriend, and Gaz.
175
00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:13,020
Was this flashback of a
sexual nature? Yes.
176
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:16,620
Then you must be as
forthcoming as possible!
177
00:11:16,620 --> 00:11:22,180
I found them and
they'd obviously just had sex.
178
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:24,220
Why didn't you come out and tell
179
00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:27,140
Because I blocked it from my memory.
180
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:30,300
I was subconsciously
repressing my trauma.
181
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:34,980
And when I altered Johnny's records,
I was being kind.
182
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:37,900
I was saving him from
pain by having him shot.
183
00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:41,060
Do you feel you would like
to confront this trauma now?
184
00:11:41,060 --> 00:11:42,660
By telling Johnny the truth?
185
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,740
Some would say that's a way for
you to progress.
186
00:11:45,740 --> 00:11:49,060
Well, it's
either that or shooting him again.
187
00:11:49,060 --> 00:11:50,740
Whichever's easiest.
188
00:11:58,140 --> 00:12:01,140
Hiya. Hi.
189
00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:03,340
Have you still not been out yet?
190
00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:06,300
No. But I watched Countryfile.
It's the same thing.
191
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:09,620
I'm going to get you out of this
house if it's the last thing I do.
192
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:12,100
Agoraphobia has its
advantages, Janet.
193
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:14,540
There are support
groups for people like me.
194
00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:16,900
Sadly, I'll never get to meet them.
195
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:22,980
Hello Johnny, I'm the world's most
perfect biscuit.
196
00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:25,180
Oh, my God, you're beautiful!
197
00:12:25,180 --> 00:12:32,140
On the outside I'm a haughty
Hobnob, but on the inside
I'm just a dirty Jammy Dodger.
198
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:33,740
What's your name?
199
00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:36,020
Er, Vanessa.
200
00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:40,340
Come over here and a lick my
jammy centre! Oh, baby!
201
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,740
Dip my buttery crumbs in your brew!
202
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:47,900
Noooooooo!
203
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:50,140
Go after her, Johnny,
she's calling you.
204
00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:52,660
I can't! I can't go outside!
205
00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:58,580
To me, she'll always be
the one that got away.
206
00:12:58,580 --> 00:13:00,780
For God's sake.
207
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,100
Oh, here you go.
208
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:15,580
She's good.
But she'll never be Vanessa!
209
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,860
I'm sorry, Johnny. Look,
I do understand. It's OK.
210
00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:24,500
We'll work through this together.
Don't you worry.
211
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:28,980
Here you go, love. I'd
better get going to the Asda.
212
00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:31,940
I might be able to get
a doctor to come to me.
213
00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:33,980
I can't see me
staying inside forever.
214
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:37,580
I'm a strong-minded bloke,
I can overcome anything.
215
00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:39,700
Ok. I'll see you in a bit.
216
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:43,540
I love you.
217
00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:45,940
Police sniper!
218
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,020
Munch.
219
00:13:55,020 --> 00:13:56,580
Do you believe in ghosts?
220
00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:59,860
Yeah, I see them all the time.
Loads of them. Nearly every day.
221
00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:02,940
Always at the same time.
222
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:05,780
Seriously? Do they scare you?
223
00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:07,900
They can do.
224
00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:10,380
But Scooby always sorts 'em out.
225
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:19,740
I see.
226
00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:22,780
I've got this
problem at Donna's mum's. What with?
227
00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:27,820
There's this cupboard
under the stairs,
228
00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:32,820
and it's haunted. There's something
in there, and I think it's the
spirit of Donna's dead mother.
229
00:14:32,820 --> 00:14:36,540
There's all these weird creaks.
230
00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:39,500
Tell me I'm not crazy.
You're not crazy.
231
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:42,940
Thanks a lot, that means a lot.
232
00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:50,420
Kelly.
233
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:53,460
Do you believe in ghosts? Oh, aye.
234
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,340
Yeah. There's one in the pub.
235
00:14:55,340 --> 00:14:56,940
He lives in the cellar.
236
00:14:56,940 --> 00:15:00,100
He's an old Indian
war bloke or something.
237
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,340
Like Moira Stewart?
238
00:15:02,340 --> 00:15:04,340
He's really there.
239
00:15:04,340 --> 00:15:07,420
That's why I can never go
down to the cellar on my own.
240
00:15:07,420 --> 00:15:11,860
I always have to have a man
with me when I go down there.
241
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:13,980
Would you look at that!
242
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,580
We've run out of pineapple juice!
243
00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:21,100
I hate running out of
pineapple juice! Bane of my life!
244
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:24,780
No, I mean, what should I do?
245
00:15:24,780 --> 00:15:27,500
Read a book. No, join the Army.
246
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:29,540
Be the best!
247
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:37,140
I mean
I need to go down to the cellar, but
I can't go down there without a man.
248
00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:38,860
Or, you could listen to music.
249
00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:42,140
I personally like the musical
stylings of Jimi Hendrix.
250
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:45,540
Although he was never as good
when he left the Village People.
251
00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:53,460
Look at all this stuff.
252
00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:55,020
I was starving.
253
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:57,980
You are a good nurse to
your little mental patient.
254
00:15:57,980 --> 00:16:02,380
No time for that.
We're going to role play. Oooh!
255
00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:06,260
No. Imagine you are outside.
256
00:16:06,260 --> 00:16:09,220
Uh! OK,
257
00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:10,820
You're buying margarine.
258
00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:12,420
I hate margarine!
259
00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:15,540
I'll only play if I can have
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
260
00:16:15,540 --> 00:16:18,780
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
IS margarine.
261
00:16:18,780 --> 00:16:20,900
See, this is why I don't go out!
262
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,500
Why is the world so confusing?
263
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:27,780
You're in the supermarket
and people are grabbing things
and bumping into you.
264
00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:32,060
But you're not scared - oh, no.
What do you want to buy?
265
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:37,460
I want to buy a jar of onions.
Silverskin, if you don't mind.
266
00:16:37,460 --> 00:16:40,460
OK. Hurry up, put it on the belt.
267
00:16:42,020 --> 00:16:46,020
Good morrow, sir.
You look marvellous,
being out of the house and all.
268
00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:49,060
They never say that.
They do in my supermarket.
269
00:16:50,580 --> 00:16:54,020
I see you wish to purchase some
pickled onions. A wise choice.
270
00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:56,700
How good it is to be out on such a
pickle-buying day.
271
00:16:56,700 --> 00:17:00,740
To be fair, the woman in Tesco with
the hair-lip has said that to me.
272
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:07,060
That will be £12 and 50 shiny pence.
How do you wish to pay?
273
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,940
I'm not paying that!
274
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:13,140
Hurry, sir, a queue is
forming. I haven't got all day.
275
00:17:13,140 --> 00:17:15,420
I'll report you to Trading Standards.
276
00:17:15,420 --> 00:17:17,420
These are organic pickles,
277
00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:20,020
fashioned by
Andalucian onion-herders.
278
00:17:20,020 --> 00:17:22,900
I'm not paying. Then I'll
call security! You do that.
279
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,780
Security!
280
00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:34,340
And what is going on here, on such
a fine day to be out of the house?
281
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:36,100
Conflict is good Johnny, use it.
282
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:41,020
That twat on the till tried
to rip me off on these pickles!
283
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:43,460
You'll find these
pickles are fairly priced.
284
00:17:43,460 --> 00:17:45,420
Let me have one. No, they're mine.
285
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:49,340
Give them here.
No, they're a rip-off!
See how good and healthy this is?
286
00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:53,140
Yeah, I feel more and more stable.
GLASS SMASHES
287
00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:58,660
For God's sake.
288
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,180
I'm going to take all the food away.
289
00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:05,540
That's it! I'm going to
starve you out the house.
290
00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:10,220
Yes, what a good idea,
to starve a thin person
291
00:18:11,740 --> 00:18:14,500
Hold on! These aren't Andalucian!
292
00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:23,500
Thanks, Munch.
293
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,940
I couldn't have done it without you.
294
00:18:29,980 --> 00:18:32,340
That was the scariest
thing I've ever done.
295
00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:39,220
Why did you ask to meet me, Louise?
296
00:18:39,220 --> 00:18:41,260
You nearly killed my boyfriend.
297
00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:46,260
Unless you apologise,
there is nothing you can
say to make me listen.
298
00:18:46,260 --> 00:18:49,260
I'm going to tell Johnny
about you and Gaz.
299
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:52,500
Maybe I'll stay for one drink.
300
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:54,900
In order for me to progress
emotionally,
301
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:58,500
and so I never get
him shot in the knee again,
302
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,980
I need to stop protecting him.
303
00:19:00,980 --> 00:19:03,060
I need to tell him.
304
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:05,940
I mean, you weren't that
attached to him, were you?
305
00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:08,380
We've been together over five years.
306
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:13,340
I thought it was just one of
those convenience things,
like Yogi and Boo Boo.
307
00:19:13,340 --> 00:19:15,460
No, it's not.
308
00:19:15,460 --> 00:19:17,860
He's the most important
thing in my life.
309
00:19:17,860 --> 00:19:19,700
That's why I'm starving him.
310
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:23,260
I love him, Louise.
311
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:25,700
I hadn't realised.
312
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:27,340
I could reconsider.
313
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,980
Maybe I won't tell him.
314
00:19:29,980 --> 00:19:31,900
It could be like our secret.
315
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,460
Like a friendship thing.
316
00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:35,940
A bond between me and you
no-one else has got.
317
00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:37,660
Yeah! Not even Donna!
318
00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:40,060
I could be your favourite!
319
00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:44,020
Come on, do it. Fine.
320
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:49,420
Make friends, make friends,
never, never break friends.
321
00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:53,500
If you do you'll catch the flu
and that will be the end of you!
322
00:19:57,140 --> 00:20:00,580
Yeah, and I'd like that
12 inches, please, thin crust.
323
00:20:00,580 --> 00:20:03,940
Ooh, and hot wings!
324
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:07,460
Ooh, and some curly fries!
325
00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:10,860
Ooh, and some onion rings!
326
00:20:10,860 --> 00:20:14,660
Could you can nip to the Chinese next
door, and get us a set meal for two?
327
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:19,020
Yeah, it's It's Johnny Keogh,
number nine...
328
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:23,180
What do you mean,
Janet's blacklisted me?
329
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,900
No, I'm not coming out.
330
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:37,900
Those two are so cute.
They've got a little secret.
331
00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:40,540
Aw.
332
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:47,940
Secrets are indeed cute.
333
00:20:47,940 --> 00:20:50,660
I bet he's kissed her on
the cheek or something.
334
00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:53,620
Bless 'em, they're like a
couple of little school kids.
335
00:20:57,220 --> 00:20:59,980
"Can you keep a secret?"
336
00:20:59,980 --> 00:21:02,220
"Yeah, you're my best friend."
337
00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:05,540
"Make friends, make friends.
Never, never break friends."
338
00:21:05,540 --> 00:21:07,900
Good one. It's, like, childish.
339
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,060
Secrets aren't childish.
340
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:13,700
They are. It's like they've
not progressed, emotionally.
341
00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:15,220
Ah!
342
00:21:22,940 --> 00:21:26,060
What you doing? Christ!
343
00:21:26,060 --> 00:21:28,380
Will you stop creeping up on me?
344
00:21:28,380 --> 00:21:30,220
I thought you were going to the pub.
345
00:21:30,220 --> 00:21:34,300
So, you thought you'd pack and move
out while I was gone? Thanks a lot.
346
00:21:34,300 --> 00:21:38,220
Donna, I want to live with
you, I want to be with you.
347
00:21:38,220 --> 00:21:40,940
I just can't live my life scared.
348
00:21:40,940 --> 00:21:42,980
Not this again. Yes, this!
349
00:21:42,980 --> 00:21:44,620
I've not been able to sleep!
350
00:21:44,620 --> 00:21:47,460
I fell asleep under a Nissan.
Munch thought I was dead.
351
00:21:47,460 --> 00:21:50,300
He asked Dad for the
mechanic's job and everything.
352
00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:54,540
But it's not my mum,
she's not living in the
cupboard under the stairs.
353
00:21:54,540 --> 00:21:56,300
But there is something.
354
00:21:56,300 --> 00:21:58,860
Just come and listen to it.
355
00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:02,100
It creaks as if
there's someone in there.
356
00:22:02,100 --> 00:22:04,300
Someone who's not been oiled.
357
00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:50,340
ICE-CREAM VAN JINGLE PLAYS
358
00:22:59,340 --> 00:23:01,540
Ice cream! Mmm!
359
00:23:01,540 --> 00:23:04,900
99s, Funny Feet, Nobbly Bobblies!
360
00:23:08,580 --> 00:23:10,620
Open it.
No, I'm not going to open it.
361
00:23:10,620 --> 00:23:12,620
If we open it,
we could lose the house.
362
00:23:12,620 --> 00:23:15,500
Only a complete idiot
would want to open it.
363
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:18,660
Open it!
364
00:23:18,660 --> 00:23:22,820
Come on, Donna. I can
hear things in there!
365
00:23:22,820 --> 00:23:24,460
CREAKING
366
00:23:24,460 --> 00:23:26,900
Oh, my God, Gaz, you're right!
367
00:23:26,900 --> 00:23:32,940
I think I know what it is. The thing
that we fear above all else. Sheep.
368
00:23:35,340 --> 00:23:39,180
This is killing me.
Either you open the cupboard
or I'm not living here.
369
00:23:39,180 --> 00:23:42,220
OK, we'll open it together, right?
370
00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:45,340
Whatever's in there,
we'll face together. OK.
371
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:56,620
Cheers, mate.
372
00:23:56,740 --> 00:23:59,420
Look, I'm outside!
373
00:24:03,820 --> 00:24:05,860
EXHAUST BACKFIRES
374
00:24:16,900 --> 00:24:19,700
Donna, wait.
375
00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:25,140
If we don't make it through this,
I wanted to know how much
I've cherished our time together.
376
00:24:25,140 --> 00:24:29,380
Especially those precious moments
when I was banging you senseless.
377
00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:31,340
That's nice.
378
00:24:31,340 --> 00:24:32,700
OK.
379
00:24:38,420 --> 00:24:40,020
It's empty.
380
00:24:40,020 --> 00:24:41,620
It's empty?
381
00:24:41,620 --> 00:24:43,540
It's empty, we can move in.
382
00:24:43,540 --> 00:24:45,260
CREAKING
383
00:24:50,540 --> 00:24:53,500
Oh, I see.
384
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:55,780
The door was supporting the lintel.
385
00:24:55,780 --> 00:24:57,980
Ah, that doesn't matter.
386
00:24:57,980 --> 00:25:01,300
This'll cost a fortune!
We've broken the house!
387
00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:04,620
It's just the lintel on the stairs.
I'll fix that, piece of piss!
388
00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:19,700
I'll be off down the
builder's yard, then.
389
00:25:24,580 --> 00:25:26,620
Still hungry?
390
00:25:26,620 --> 00:25:30,300
I need to tell you something.
391
00:25:30,300 --> 00:25:33,780
Buggery! While you were out,
the most amazing thing happened...
392
00:25:33,780 --> 00:25:37,820
I can't take it any longer.
I need to progress emotionally.
393
00:25:37,820 --> 00:25:40,060
Shut up! You're not listening to me.
394
00:25:40,060 --> 00:25:42,660
Louise fell
and sustained concussion.
395
00:25:42,660 --> 00:25:45,340
Anything she says from now
on is a lie. Not true!
396
00:25:45,340 --> 00:25:46,780
See? Johnny, I saw...
397
00:25:46,780 --> 00:25:52,740
Shut your mouth, Louise. He needs
to know what I need to tell him!
398
00:25:52,740 --> 00:25:55,420
Johnny! No! Janet slept with Gav!
399
00:25:58,060 --> 00:26:00,180
My God.
400
00:26:00,180 --> 00:26:04,180
Johnny. I'm so sorry. I...
401
00:26:06,140 --> 00:26:07,900
Where's he gone?
402
00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:09,940
Hiya!
403
00:26:09,940 --> 00:26:12,300
Where did you just get those from?
404
00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:13,940
I went outside. I'm cured.
405
00:26:13,940 --> 00:26:17,620
Well, in that case, Johnny, there's
something I have to tell you.
406
00:26:21,220 --> 00:26:23,060
She doesn't do dairy.
407
00:26:23,060 --> 00:26:25,820
There's something I want to ask you.
408
00:26:25,820 --> 00:26:30,220
Will you hold my cornet for me? Yeah.
That's not the question, by the way.
409
00:26:31,580 --> 00:26:35,420
Janet, I don't want to
waste any more of my life.
410
00:26:39,300 --> 00:26:41,820
Will you marry me?
411
00:26:41,820 --> 00:26:43,340
Oh, my God.
412
00:26:50,180 --> 00:26:51,740
Please say yes.
413
00:26:51,740 --> 00:26:54,300
My knee is killing me.
414
00:26:54,300 --> 00:26:56,420
Yes! Yes, definitely!
415
00:26:56,420 --> 00:26:58,860
Let's celebrate!
416
00:26:58,860 --> 00:27:00,740
Police sniper!
417
00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:05,260
I can't believe it.
418
00:27:05,260 --> 00:27:07,940
I think I need
someone more cleverer.
419
00:27:07,940 --> 00:27:10,820
Someone more like you.
420
00:27:10,820 --> 00:27:13,660
What was it that made your
day so hard if it wasn't me?
421
00:27:13,660 --> 00:27:16,220
Oh bollocks! In for a
penny, in for a pound, eh?
422
00:27:18,020 --> 00:27:19,900
Gaz, I need to see you now.
423
00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:27,140
I am SO turned on!
32065
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