Original subtitles

POE: Poepular Poet, with Poe.

Whilst I was shopping a flea

market one day,

an item stood out from the

fray.

Its shabby container was very

deceiving,

for the treasure inside begged

my retrieving.

[Shouting]

"Oh, merchant," I quivered, as

my courage felt pale,

"Be a good chap and price this

item on sale.

I'll pay a king's ransom; just

give me my wish.

For I know this item is worth a

lot... ish."

Much later I walked home with

bus money gone,

Clutching my prize and humming

a song.

For I had found something so

special and flat,

a magnificent, stupendous,

terrific bath mat!

Oh, I must have dozed off.

What an odd dream I had.

Cute, though.

But, I mean, really, why would

anyone recite a poem about a

silly old unimportant thing like

a bath mat--

[Screaming]

[Nervous chuckling]

?

? So today we're gonna

? Take the time to show you

? The br-br-bright side

of the dark side ?

? Only thing you oughta

? Know, you really gotta

? See the br-br-bright side

of the dark side ?

? Ruby Gloom Ruby Gloom

?

? We're gonna show you why

? There's more than

meets the eye ?

? The br-br-bright side

of the dark side ?

? Only thing you oughta

? Know, you really gotta

? See the br-br-bright side

of the dark side ?

? Ruby Gloom Ruby Gloom

? Ruby Gloom Ruby Gloom

?

[Chittering]

[Growling]

[Roaring]

MISERY: So...

That's my demo reel.

So...

What do you think, guys?

Uh...

Well...

Hmm.

Oh, dear.

Remember, it's always nice to

let the person down easy.

I love it.

Well, not that easy!

I love it too.

It's a really unique style of

filmmaking.

That's exactly what I was

going to say.

Except I was going to say I

liked the squirrel.

Yeah, that's not at all what

I said, Len.

So I'm glad I didn't say it.

So does that mean you're

choosing Misery to direct your

rockumentary?

Well, no offense, everyone,

but...

Poe, your three and a half hour

reel Poe Flew Over the Cuckoo's

Neswas... inspired, but

Inspired?

Really?

FRANK: Iris, Ruby, Skull Boy,

Scaredy...

Great... work.

But we just have to go with...

Misery!

Yeah, Misery.

Misery?

ALL: Misery?

Yeah, she's just got the edge

we're looking for.

Congrats, Misery.

You're a rockumentary director.

I can't wait to get started.

Ow.

I think you might be too

close.

Hi, I'm Misery.

A while back I agreed to direct

a rockumentary on Frank and

Len's band, RIP.

I have, in fact, directed a few

people in my life.

[Rumbling]

Run!

Look out!

[Screaming]

Get out of the way!

Ow.

For some reason, people tend to

listen to me.

But this is my first time

directing an actual movie.

Thanks for helping out, guys.

Ruby is on sound.

Hi.

And Iris is running the

camera.

IRIS: Hi.

The footage we managed to get

was something else.

And I've seen my fair share of

something elses.

So get ready!

For the rockumentary of a

lifetime.

?

MISER: This is RIP!

Frank, lead guitar.

Len, lead guitar.

?

Who?

Who are you asking about?

I can't hear you!

?

There's just something about

them.

Well, you know, sometimes

when it's really late at night,

and the music is so loud, it--

Well, it wakes me up.

And it's good to know they're

there... when I cannot go back

to sleep... well, because the

music is being so loud!

IRIS: Rolling!

So, tell us a little bit

about how you two met and got

together.

Well, I knew I wanted to form

a band, so I conducted an

extensive search for my band

members.

Hmm.

Hey there!

FRANK: And then I found him.

Hmm.

We're going to need a little

more material.

Maybe you need to get some

shots of the guys in process.

You know, follow them around and

see what it's like.

LEN: Cool!

We're going on tour tomorrow.

Wow, that's great.

Where are you touring?

Gloomsville.

Doesn't touring usually

involve going out of town?

Technically.

But somebody forgot to book us

transportation.

And somebody forgot to book

us out-of-town gigs!

Okay, well, moving on.

Whew, boy, you guys really need

a manager or something.

MISER: Skull Boy, manager.

Well, you know, when they

walked into my room-- I mean,

office, you could tell they just

needed someone to take care of

the nuts and bolts of things,

you know?

The pressure was gettin' to 'em!

MISERY: Why are you talking

in that weird accent?

Isn't it great, Misery?

I think I must be related to a

long line of band managers,

because I'm pretty good at

this job.

MISERY: What about the

negotiations that occurred five

minutes ago?

So I just need to get a couple

of shots of you guys rehearsing.

Watch me negotiate, boys.

I'm a master.

Before my clients do anything

more, they will require a large

fee to be paid in liquorice, red

or black.

They will need a cut of the

profits for all Frank and Len

dolls to be paid in liquorice,

as well as an unlimited supply

of liquorice in their dressing

rooms.

Huh?

Uh...

Okay, you drive a hard bargain.

We'll take nothing!

Excellent.

Good one.

I had to be hard-line, but

you know, that's the biz.

Whoa!

?

See?

They're worth every penny they

didn't get!

So...

Did you guys always play rock?

We went through another phase

of music, but we don't like to

talk about it.

MISERY: The other phase.

?

Time for my tuba break,

Frank.

Ow!

Oh, you okay, Frank?

Ow!

Guess that means no.

We were experimenting.

Hairline fractures weren't

exactly what I had in mind.

Yeah, if they're not at least

multiple transverse bone

fractures, what's the point?

You can say that again.

What's that supposed to mean?

How should I know?

So who would you say decides

who is the decision-maker for

all of your decisions?

BOTH: He does.

What?

No, I do.

No, you don't.

No, you do.

I do not.

Stop talking at the same time.

You stop talking at the same

time!

Hey, you know what we need?

Um.

A party.

A going on tour send-off party.

IRIS: Yay, yay, yay, a party!

Careful with the camera,

Iris.

I'll take it from here.

IRIS: But--

Oops.

The party.

?

Oh, so you're an agent now?

Need an extraordinarily

talented but modest singing crow

on your roster?

You know any?

Thanks for letting me take a

break, Misery.

MISERY: It's okay, Iris.

You should sit down.

You look nauseous.

Huh?

FRANK: Thanks for coming,

everyone!

I've got a surprise

announcement.

That's funny, Frank, 'cause I

have one too.

Okay, Len, quit saying you

were going to say everything I

just said.

Well, I wasn't going to say

what you just said now.

Anyway, people, here's the

new album cover design for RIP!

That's not at all what I was

thinking.

I imagined our cover more along

the lines of this!

Yeah, that doesn't work at

all.

Well, it's better than your

lame idea.

[Gasping]

Oh yeah?

Well, it had to be lame, Len.

You're in the shot!

[Gasping]

Misery, I think we should

stop filming now.

MISERY: Okay, I just have one

more question.

Don't worry, I'll be careful.

Guys, what do you prefer to go

by?

Frank and Len or Len and Frank?

FRANK: Frank and Len.

LEN: Len and Frank.

What?

That's being careful?

We've always been Frank and

Len.

Other than the times we've

been Len and Frank.

Yeah, it's, uh, just that

Frank and Len has a better ring

to it.

Yeah, uh, maybe in your lame

brain.

FRANK: Oh yeah, at least I

have a lame brain.

Maybe it should just be "Frank."

Guys?

To be frank.

Guys.

"Len" sounds great for me, to

be Len.

Time out!

Fine!

That's it, I'm going solo!

Wait!

I'm going solo too!

No!

Stop saying everything I say!

I didn't say what you just

said then!

New announcement!

The band's splitting up!

New announcement!

Cancel the tour!

[Gasping]

Does that mean we have to

cancel the party?

Misery.

MISERY: I know!

Perfect tension to end Act One!

The recording sessions.

? I know what to say about rock

and roll ?

? I know what to say about it

[Chewing]

What?

Okay, Frank, can we try that

again?

And, Len, can you refrain from

eating popcorn?

If I have to.

Guys, it's great that you're

solo artists, because you can

really express yourselves.

But you each have to be quiet so

we can hear what the other

person is expressing.

Agreed?

Agreed.

Yeah.

? I know what to say about rock

and roll ?

Heh, sorry.

? I know what to say about it

[Snoring]

? I know what I'm singing

about ?

[Tapping]

[Sighing]

? Rock and roll is what I'm

singing about ?

? Na, na, baby, with the na,

na, na ?

? Na, na, you are my na,

na, na ?

Okay, maybe we should take a

break from recording.

You guys need to try and work

things out.

FRANK: Yeah, you're right,

Ruby.

We'll figure out a solution.

Yeah, we can't go on like

this forever.

FRANK: So we figured out a

solution.

Yup, we're dividing our

space.

FRANK : You stay on your

side--

And I'll stay on my side.

Len, I'm going this way.

Good for you.

I'm going this way.

Len.

Frank.

FRANK : Len!

LEN: Frank!

Oh, boy.

Skull Boy, we've gotta talk

about your clients, Frank and

Len.

Misery, can you give us a

moment, please?

MISERY: Uh, sure.

Frank and Len are really not

getting along.

I know!

I just got their tours back on

track, but it's two shows, two

dressing rooms, two everything!

We've gotta get them back

together.

I'll do whatever I can to

help, Ruby.

Can I confess something?

Sure.

Uh, Misery, do you mind?

MISERY: Oh.

I'm not sure I'm managing

very well being a manager.

Aw, come on, Skull Boy.

You look like you're doing a

good job to me.

That's all myth and hype.

I signed Poe on and promised

him I'd get him a gig, any gig,

and I can't seem to score

anything.

I'm sure something will

come up.

Maybe show biz just isn't me.

[Phone ringing]

Oh, sorry.

I have to take this.

Sure.

Y'ello?

Y'ello.

POE: Hey, Skully Boy.

Just checking in.

How's that gig coming along?

Uh, yeah, great.

Not to worry, something'll

come up.

[Phone ringing]

Oh, sorry, other line's

ringing.

I have to take this.

Y'ello.

POE: Hi, hear anything yet?

No, Poe, nothing yet.

I'll let you know.

[Phone ringing]

POE: Anything?

I'll keep you posted.

Whew.

I need a breather.

Nothing yet?

No!

MISERY: What'cha doing?

Just, uh, working out some

notes.

MISERY: Hard being on your

own?

Yeah, sometimes.

But that's what being a solo

artist is all about.

You know, being solo, by

yourself.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Going on tour by myself is--

it's gonna be fine.

I just have to, um...

MISERY: What's that?

Frank's sweater.

He gets cold sometimes on buses.

I guess I don't need to pack

that.

MISER: On the road.

I just don't know how to get

them back together.

Don't worry.

I figured it all out.

I'm getting the hang of this

management thing.

Ah, Skull Boy, there you are.

I thought.

Hey, how is my favourite client?

Oh, well, I-- I'm, uh--

Really?

Yay, it's the band!

I mean Frank... and Len.

Or Len... and Frank.

Hi, guys.

Hey.

RUBY: So, you guys excited to

go on tour?

Oh, yeah.

Yup.

Yeah.

Yup.

Great news, guys!

I got you the best touring bus I

could find.

But you're going to have to

share it.

BOTH: What?

Just this once.

And there's only one dressing

room, too.

But trust me, it'll be fine.

Well, okay.

Yeah, uh, sure.

[Horn honking]

Hey, there's your tour bus

now.

FRANK AND LEN: A fish truck?

[Clearing throat loudly]

So what were you guys like as

kids?

Did you have any interest in

music early on?

Um...

Yep.

?

?

[Laughing]

Hey, whatever happened to

that guitar?

It was a xylophone, Len.

That's the point of the story.

Oh, right.

I loved that xylophone guitar.

[Laughing]

Good one.

Thanks.

[Laughing]

Hey, remember that time you

dared me to glue my butt to my

chair?

We couldn't stand up for a

week.

[Laughing]

No.

I don't remember that.

Yeah, me neither.

It's gonna be a long ride.

MISER: The big show.

Um, can you stop pacing?

It's making my hoof-and-mouth

disease act up.

Guys, I know you're nervous,

but you're both going to be

great.

BOTH: Thanks, Ruby.

Ruby, can you tell Len he

should have some water?

His voice always gets extra dry

when he's nervous.

Okay.

Len, you should--

Hey, Ruby, can you tell Frank

it's okay if he goes first?

I know he likes going first.

Oh, okay.

Frank--

And Ruby?

Tell Len that on his guitar

break, he needs to ease up on

the third fret.

It'll sound better.

[Sighing]

Len--

ANNOUNCER Ladies and

gentlemen...

Frank!

That's you, Frank!

Break a leg!

Ruby, can you tell Frank to

have a good show?

And tell him even though I can't

be up there with him, I'll be

there in spirit.

Ruby, can you tell Len...

Thanks, buddy.

MISERY: Now that's great

movie-making.

? I--

? I know--

I know--

I know--

I--

I--

[Groaning]

? I know what to say about rock

and roll ?

Len?

You're here?

? I know what to say about it

? Rock and roll is what we're

singing about ?

So I guess that means we're

back together.

I guess that means we're back

together.

You just said what I said,

Len.

I know.

That's exactly what I was

gonna say.

BOTH: Woo-hoo!

?

?

[Applause]

RUBY: Wow.

What a great rockumentary,

Misery.

Loved your unique style with

the burning, smash-and-crash

cutaways--

And blurry focus technique!

Cool.

The what?

Oh, uh...

Never mind.

Oh, hi.

Don't mind me.

I'm just going to have a little

alone time now.

Sometimes you have to make your

own fun.

Can't always rely on other

people or a bunch of really wild

and adventurously fun

activities!

Oh.

Uh, yessiree.

[Chair squeaking]

Nothing like enjoying your

alone time doing nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

[Whistling]

Nothing at all.

[Humming]

[Clock ticking]

Yup, you...

You just gotta sit back and...

[Sighing]

Smell the flowers.

Yup, you gotta really smell all

those flowers.

As much as you can!

Whee!

It's so good just to relax and

smell those flowers!

[Birds chirping]

And listen to those birds!

Woo-hoo!

Really sit back and listen to

the birds!

Yahoo!

Yep, nothing like spending time

alone doing nothing.

Time to let that imagination run

wild.

Wow, look at those stars.

[Laughing]

?

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