Original subtitles

A, E, I--

Ooh.

U.

Welcome to Telling Tales With

Misery.

Anyhoo, you may think telling

tales is all in the story but,

nay, it's all in the

performance.

As you can probably tell, I am a

master performer.

Lesson #1: remain poised no

matter what--

[Coughing]

Happens.

Which brings me to lesson #2--

[Thunder rumbling]

Uh-oh.

Ahem.

Always make the best of a bad

situation and have fun.

?

Okay, um--

Lesson #3: always tailor your

performance to fit your audience

or it may go over their heads.

Hm, my work here is done.

Let's take 15, people.

Ow.

?

? So today we're gonna

? Take the time to show you

? The br-br-bright side

of the dark side ?

? Only think you oughta

? No you really gotta

? See the br-br-bright side

of the dark side ?

? Ruby Gloom Ruby Gloom

?

? We're gonna show you why

? There's more than

meets the eye ?

? The br-br-bright side

of the dark side ?

? Only think you oughta

? No you really gotta

? See the br-br-bright side

of the dark side ?

? Ruby Gloom Ruby Gloom

? Ruby Gloom Ruby Gloom

?

[Thunder crashing]

[Gasping]

Portia was aghast.

Will she ever find her real

father?

And why did he leave her to be

raised by wolves?

[Howling]

And what's more, who's this

hairy man standing here claiming

to be her half-man, half-wolf

half-brother?

[Portia screaming]

Portia threw her iced tea in the

imposter's no good, yet

handsome, face.

[Screaming]

You go, girl!

Show that lying cad a thing

or two!

[Crunching]

Please keep it down, Skull

Boy, so we do not miss the best

part.

You've been listening to this

radio soap for months yet you

still don't know who the father

of Portia's baby is?

Despite the iced tea dripping

from his face, Proctor revealed

the results of his DNA test.

His true identity is--

[Poe cawing]

[Dinging]

And we'll find out right after

this message from our sponsor:

Do you suffer from soap scum and

rust stains?

[All moaning]

Agh, soap operas are so

melodramatic, and so far

fetched, and so predictable.

Please give us one example of

this far fetched claim, Skull

Boy.

Well, there's always a

character who's entire life is

one disaster after another--

Oops.

An energetic extrovert--

That's a really good point.

A refined, educated

gentleman--

And a character who's constantly

fearful.

Agh!

Oh, oh, and a charming love

interest.

You forgot the charming love

interest.

Ugh, yeah, exactly.

Like I said: predictable.

Well, I have a magic routine to

practice.

Anyone care to assist?

Oh, oh, oh, me, me, me!

I can't sit through another

commercial.

Woohoo hoo!

[Crashing]

I'm good.

[Laughing]

What are you gonna do with

that, Doom?

I am Skull Boy the

Magnificent!

And, I haven't lost an assistant

yet.

Okay, have you ever had any

assistants?

This won't hurt a bit.

Heh heh, hey!

That was fun.

Wow!

How'd you do that, Skull Boy?

A magician never reveals his

secrets.

I will now put you back

together.

This is where you hand me my

magic wand.

I must find my wand.

Magic is all in the flourish.

No rush, I'll just practice my

knitting.

Okay.

Nope, not that.

Why did I keep this?

Heh heh heh.

Oh, there that is.

I was always--

Ah ha!

Found it!

Ugh.

Skull Boy, are you okay?

Uh, yeah, I think so.

Ugh, oh, ow.

Skull Boy!

Oh, are you all right?

Oh.

Ah, ha ha ha ha, ouch.

Skull Boy!

How 'bout now?

[Laughing]

Good thinking, Doom.

You wouldn't want Skull Boy to

hit his head.

RADIO: Portia was trapped.

She had no idea what to do next.

She's not the only one.

Help!

[Portia screaming]

Portia ran out of the room

screaming.

[Iris screaming]

[Portia screaming]

Hey guys, whatcha listening

to?

[Iris screaming]

Nice work on the new sound

system, guys.

[Iris screaming]

This sound is really surrounded.

Thanks Ruby.

IRIS: Help!

But we didn't install the sound

system.

[Iris screaming]

A vacation?

Excellent idea, Doom.

I vote for Bora Bora.

[Gasping]

Skull Boy has been hit on the

head by falling debris not once,

not twice, but three times, then

knocked out cold?

And Iris has been sawed in half

and is locked in the 2 boxes?

We have to do something.

Okay.

BOTH: Oooh!

[Sniffing]

[Groaning]

Nice work on the smelling

salts, Misery.

Thanks.

Skull Boy, how are you?

Who am I?

What a relief.

You're back to your old self,

Skull Boy.

You've been asking that question

for years.

Oh, that is such good news.

When's lunch?

Uh, who are you?

And what's that girl doing in

that box without her feet?

Knit one, carry the yarn--

Skull Boy, it's me: Ruuuby.

Don't you remember me?

Hi, Ruuuby.

[Sipping]

And, who's Skull Boy.

[Gasping]

I will now diagnose Skull

Boy's condition as I am well

versed in the medical sciences.

I once played a doctor in a

play, you know.

Oh, all right, I wasn't a doctor

so much as a male nurse.

And it wasn't really a play;

more of a friendly reading in my

living room.

Ouch!

Eech!

Yow!

Please stop.

[Hammering]

Ugh!

What is it, Poe?

Just as I thought: Skull Boy

has amnesia.

[Gasping]

Amnesia, huh.

If only I could remember what

that means.

It means you're having

trouble remembering things

thanks to that bump on your

noggin.

Let me try.

Helllooo!

I'm Misery!

Mm mm.

[Coughing]

Anything now?

[Coughing]

No.

But you all seem like a nice

group of people except for the

water.

Ahe-he-hem.

Remember me?

Nope.

Oh no!

Iris is still locked in the

boxes!

Her situation is most dire!

Can you let me out now, Ruby?

I'm not liking this.

Don't worry.

We're working on getting the

lock combination, Iris.

POE: Will Skull Boy remember

the combination and save Iris?

Will Iris's upper torso and

lower limbs be reunited?

Can Skull Boy's amnesia be

cured?

Will Poe get lunch any time

soon?

I'm sorry; couldn't resist.

This will make you feel

better, Skull Boy.

My chicken soup cures anything

that ails.

Oh, I love the way these long

white things intermingle with

the tiny green balls.

You mean the noodles and

peas?

Stand back!

My great great great aunt's cure

all is bound to cure all.

[Coughing]

Oh, ah, that's the worst!

What's in that thing?

Brahmi body with a hint of

Mauritanian camel's milk.

Do you remember anything?

No.

Oh, but my stomach aches.

I thought a nice slideshow

might tweak Skull Boy's memory.

Great idea, Poe.

Photo's will remind Skull Boy of

all the happy times we've shared

together.

This was at Skull Boy's

birthday last year.

He was a bit winded but lucky I

was there to make quick work of

those pesky candles.

And this one's from Ruby's

May Day dinner.

Skull Boy enjoyed my tomato

aspic salad if my memory serves.

Wait, now I remember!

The lock combination?

No, that I am not that

partial to slideshows.

LEN: I want to do it, Frank.

I never get to do anything fun.

What are you talking about?

I let you take out the garbage

this morning, didn't I?

Sheesh.

Just because you say it's fun

doesn't make it fun, Fred.

[Whistling]

Guys, what's with the

drumsticks?

We're gonna bonk Skull Boy

into remembering.

Are you sure that's a good

idea?

Yeah, we read it in a

magazine.

It's the perfect way to reverse

amnesia.

It was more like a leaflet.

Leaflet, brochure, whatever.

The trick--

In a magazine!

Okay Len!

It doesn't matter where we read

it.

The trick is finding a head

bonking device that has the

precise amount of cranial bonk

pressure.

So we just have to apply

enough bonk pressure.

I'll test it first.

Ouch!

Ow!

Quit it, Frank!

No, you quit it!

Oh, I'll just have to face

facts.

I may never get my memory back.

Don't give up hope, Skull

Boy.

You'll get it back.

Get what back?

POE: What will become of

Skull Boy?

Will Iris ever be free?

And will Poe ever get lunch?

[Organ playing]

Sorry, I can practice my

organ later.

[Whistling]

Oh, hello.

Have we met?

We have to help Skull Boy

remember who he is before he

introduces himself to any more

mirrors.

[Organ playing]

Agh!

Wasn't me.

RADIO: Welcome back to our

show.

Portia recalled a moment in her

childhood when things went

badly.

Oh, hello there.

Tis a shame that real life is

not like our beloved soap.

Then we could simply flash back

on the events of Skull Boy's

life.

That's it, Poe!

It is?

Flashbacks work on film but

we can't exactly flash back the

events of Skull Boy's life so

we'll re-enact them.

[Gasping]

We've been listening to the

soap opera for months.

We're practically acting pros!

I know, we shall call our

radio play, "A Day in the Life

of Skull Boy" if you please.

Misery, you're in charge of

the organ.

[Organ playing]

[Organ playing continues]

I've been practicing my

funeral dirge.

RUBY: Great.

Scaredy, you handle sound.

Okay.

[Screaming]

[Crashing]

I am fine.

And Poe, you can be our

narrator.

Yes!

And as the director I guess

I'll do everything else.

A Day in the Life of Skull

Boy: scene 1, take 1.

Will Skull Boy remember the

day he thought he was descended

from the great Italian painter

Michelangelo?

Will Skull Boy even remember

where Italy is?

[Tarantella Napolitana playing]

And action!

I have finally discovered I

am a descendent of the great

painter Michelangelo.

I must be an artist.

It's in my bones.

Why are you Skull Boy?

I thought I was supposed to be

Skull Boy.

Uh, no.

You're actually my assistant.

I can't work like this!

I quit!

FRED: Great.

LEN: Great!

I take it this little

reminder of who you are isn't

helping.

It is making me glad I'm not

a twin.

[Tarantella Napolitana playing]

RUBY: A Day in the Life of

Skull Boy: scene 2, take 1.

Okay Iris, are you ready?

Anything to take my mind off

of being stuck in this box.

Places everyone.

And action!

[Cawing]

Will Skull Boy remember the

time Iris shot him out of a

cannon?

Heh, heh, oh, that must have

hurt.

As Skull Boy, I must protest.

Do not shoot me out of this

cannon!

Will someone think of the

children?

RUBY & POE: Cut!

May I?

Sure.

What are you doing?

I felt the scene called for a

little adlibbing.

Well just stick to your

lines.

And, action!

[Iris screaming]

Is that supposed to be me in

that box?

It was the time Iris shot you

out of the cannon.

Don't you remember?

No.

I had to fish your ribs out

of the rain gutters for weeks.

Maybe this wasn't the best

choice of re-enactments.

Hmm, I know what we need: some

hot chocolate.

Can I have extra marshmallows

on mine, Ruby?

Oh, I wanted extra

marshmallows, Frank!

You both can have extra

marshmallows.

BOTH: All right!

You said it.

Totally cool.

Killer.

Thanks Ruby.

[Iris screaming]

Ugh, ooh.

Uh oh.

Um, could someone let me out of

here now?

Hello?

Anyone?

Thanks for helping me today,

uh--

Ruby.

Right, Ruby.

Ah, it's hopeless.

I'm never gonna remember who I

am.

Or the lock combination to

free Iris.

Right.

Try not to think about it for

a bit and you'll eventually

remember.

You know what they say.

Mm mm.

A watched pot of milk never

boils.

[Sighing]

[Sipping]

Ugh, no offense, but this is

the worst hot chocolate you've

ever made.

I can't believe you just said

that.

Sorry Ruby, I guess I forgot

my manners for a second.

No, you said it was the worst

hot chocolate I've ever made

which means you remember that I

make hot chocolate.

Yeah, and usually you put

chocolate in it.

Skull Boy, you're

remembering.

Hey, you're right.

I am remembering.

I remember making this.

It's of Poe merrily skipping

through the forest.

Did you have to have me

skipping?

I don't actually skip.

Ha, I am a great sculptor.

Fantastic, Skull Boy.

What else do you remember?

?

?

And these are my latest

invention: silent shoes so no

one can hear you coming.

[Squeaking]

Okay, so I'm not a great

inventor.

But at least I remember that,

too.

I am most relieved that you

remember now, Skull Boy.

It was probably the rosemary

in my great great grandmother's

amnesiac bath.

You smell lovely.

I'd forgotten how good it was

until I took a bath and

remembered.

I'm just glad things are

finally back to normal.

Ahem, can someone please let

me out?

Sorry, Iris.

Skull Boy, can you do us the

honours?

Just remind me: why is Iris

locked in that box again?

Yes!

Golden!

RUBY: You don't remember?

SKULL BOY: I'm drawing a

blank.

Oh, it must be because it was

near the time of the accident.

Often people do not remember.

I guess that means you don't

remember the lock combo.

The what?

Oh no, I'm gonna live the

rest of my life in a pair of

boxes.

Don't panic, Iris, they do

have wheels.

[Crying]

I'll do it.

No, it's my turn!

BOTH: Oh, no!

Come on, Skull Boy, wake up.

Skull Boy, are you okay?

What are you guys doing on

the floor.

Uh oh.

Okay everyone, you know what to

do.

Let's get the radio play going

again.

I'll be the director this

time.

Guess you couldn't get me out

of here somehow, huh, Skull Boy?

Sure.

Let's see, 24, 32, 14--

Guys, come back!

He remembered the lock combo!

And 3, 38, Houdini's birthday

on March 28th and then the year

of Houdini's birth which of

course is 1-8-7-4--

This is the longest

combination I've ever seen.

Ah ha, I'm free!

Free at last!

Ooh, ah, oh, it feels so good to

stretch.

You've been locked in there

all day, Iris.

Anything you wanna do?

Just name it.

Let's do it again.

That was fun.

Come on, what are you waiting

for?

So, how did Skull Boy really

remember who he was?

Was it Misery's herbs, or Frank

and Len's cranial bonking, or

the herbs and the bonking in

combination?

More importantly, was it a

magazine or a leaflet that Frank

was reading, or a leaflet in a

magazine?

Tune in next time to get these

answers and ask more questions.

[Laughter]

Hey, the lights just went out.

Hello?

Is this mic on?

I wasn't finished.

Acting Lessons with Frank--

And me.

Yeah, you're supposed to say

your name.

Your name.

Okay, never mind.

FRANK: I like the way Skull

Boy makes his pain real.

LEN: Huh, yeah, even my head

hurts.

You know, I just don't buy

Doom's performance here.

Dial it down a little.

Ouchy.

Ha ha ha.

I wonder how Skull Boy made

his performance so convincing.

I really believed he was knocked

out.

Here, I'll show you.

No no no, I'm good.

Join us next week when we review

"Gone Went the Wind".

Uh, if it's gone how can we

review it?

[Sighing]

?

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