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1
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♪ Used to be a barefoot girl ♪
2
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,099
♪ A-walkin' round the yard ♪
3
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:23,272
♪ Now she get to be a woman ♪
4
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,607
♪ She lookin' really fine ♪
5
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:27,735
♪ Sing this song, children ♪
6
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:30,904
♪ Yamar, Yamar, Yamar,
Yamar, Yamar, Yamar, Yamar ♪
7
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,573
♪ You're no good for her ♪
8
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,074
♪ Whoo! ♪
9
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,619
Good morning.
10
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,788
To what do I owe the pleasure
of a greeting at the door?
11
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:41,081
Well, I just wanted
to be the first one
12
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,791
to congratulate you on receiving
13
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,460
the Courage in Comedy Award.
14
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,836
Oh.
15
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:46,962
I haven't heard of that
one, but that's nice.
16
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:48,005
There'll be an event where
17
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,465
you'll be presented the award,
18
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,633
which is great for,
you know, visibility.
19
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:54,136
Network is sponsoring it,
so we'll all be there.
20
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,679
Oh, I see.
21
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,931
So the network is buying
publicity for the show
22
00:00:57,932 --> 00:00:59,391
is what you're actually saying?
23
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:00,642
A shot in the arm couldn't hurt.
24
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:02,144
Oh, God.
25
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,645
Please give me some news
I can feel good about.
26
00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:05,814
Unfortunately, that
was the good news.
27
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,232
The bad news is Cher is
28
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,650
dropping out as
a guest tomorrow.
29
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,569
What? Why?
30
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:11,737
She, quote,
31
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,655
"Doesn't want to do it."
32
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:15,824
- God.
- Don't worry.
33
00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:17,159
Talent is scrambling.
34
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,036
I will check in
with them right now.
35
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,290
Fucking Cher.
36
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:26,668
What's going on?
37
00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:27,961
Oh.
38
00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:29,505
Um, I decided we
should celebrate
39
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,507
all this month's birthdays
in the office at once.
40
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,175
Some people don't like attention
41
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,094
and I don't want to spring
non-consensual cupcakes
42
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,097
on anyone because, obviously,
that can trigger people.
43
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:41,266
Oh, oh!
44
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:43,519
Come on.
45
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,520
Don't do it again.
46
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,696
This is an office,
not a bowling alley.
47
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:56,031
I'm just trying
to be a good boss.
48
00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,407
You don't have to do all this.
49
00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,867
It's enough you pay
for their lunches.
50
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,160
I don't pay for them.
51
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:01,787
I subsidize the writers' lunches
52
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,206
because the studio
caps orders at $9,
53
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:07,042
which in your world is the
equivalent of one Pellegrino.
54
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,794
When are you going to learn
you can't be their friend?
55
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:09,962
Why, because I'm their boss?
56
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,464
No, because you're annoying.
57
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,717
Oh.
58
00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,386
I talked to talent.
59
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,721
The new DC show "Wolf
Girl" got pushed up,
60
00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:22,224
so we were able to book
the lead, Ruby Rojas.
61
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,226
Oh.
62
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:25,561
Ruby Rojas?
63
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:26,854
That's what I said, yeah.
64
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,730
Great job, Rob.
65
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:30,732
Great get. Great get.
66
00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:32,067
Great get.
67
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,694
A-am I missing something?
68
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,487
Yes. Ruby and I dated.
69
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,573
I almost married
her, in my opinion.
70
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,825
You're going to have to sign
a conflict of interest form.
71
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,581
Hello.
72
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,040
- Hi.
- Yeah.
73
00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:48,375
Just checking to see if
you need anything else
74
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,586
from me before I
leave for Wyoming.
75
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,713
I finally found a
supplier that will provide
76
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,548
the right amount of
bear urine that we need
77
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:55,966
to keep away the coyotes.
78
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:59,803
It's a proprietary blend
of black and grizzly.
79
00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,263
Oh, wonderful.
80
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,723
Yeah. I'm really
excited about it.
81
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,558
And where are we on
the candle rotation?
82
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:07,603
Cardamom, cardamom,
eucalyptus, sandalwood,
83
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,688
cardamom, and then
I'm back on Monday.
84
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,106
Oh, you're gone that long?
85
00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,733
Well, the TSA will not
give me the exception
86
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,610
to fly with the amount of
bear piss that we need,
87
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,904
so I'm renting a
U-Haul and driving.
88
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:17,905
Well, have a good trip.
89
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,281
Thank you. See ya.
90
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,453
- Hey!
- There you are.
91
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:25,954
Yeah, so sorry
about the phone tag.
92
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,664
Service is bad in here.
93
00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:29,666
Just finishing up a quick set.
94
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,128
Should you be doing that?
95
00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:34,296
I have to.
96
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,589
Fricking ten days overdue
97
00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,132
and this is supposed
to trigger labor.
98
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,469
If not, though, we
induce on Friday.
99
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,596
Which is kind of why
I wanted to talk.
100
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,473
I really feel like
I need somebody here
101
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,058
that I trust, you know?
102
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,101
Oh, honey, I would love to come,
103
00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:49,978
but it really would be risky
104
00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:52,022
for me to bring in a
guest host this early.
105
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:54,149
Oh, no, not you. Josefina.
106
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,651
Oh.
107
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,361
Well, I know how
busy the show is.
108
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,862
You know, and you can
meet him any time.
109
00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:00,280
Plus, I really don't need
110
00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:01,823
you seeing what I'm
eating these days.
111
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,452
Well, Josefina would
be happy to, I'm sure.
112
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:06,620
She loves babies.
113
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:08,956
Thank God.
114
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,582
One word of advice.
115
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:11,917
Do not let the nurses talk
you into breastfeeding.
116
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,001
There's absolutely nothing wrong
117
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,336
with giving them baby formula.
118
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:15,754
As long as it's from Europe.
119
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,297
No, I can't breastfeed.
120
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,424
I don't want to
take the rings out.
121
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,010
Oh!
- Did...
122
00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:23,220
did your water just break?
123
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:26,556
Huh?
124
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:27,975
No, I think that's just piss.
125
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:28,976
Oh.
126
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,854
♪ Chuka-ja, chuka-ja,
chuka-ja, yeah, yeah ♪
127
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:34,690
♪ Chuka-ja-ja-ja, chuka-ja ♪
128
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,733
♪ Chuka-ja, chuka-ja,
chuka-ja, yeah, yeah ♪
129
00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:38,694
♪ Chuka-ja-ja-ja, chuka-ja ♪
130
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,862
♪ Chuka, chuka, chuka,
chuka, chuka-ja, yeah, yeah ♪
131
00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:42,197
♪ Chuka-ja-ja-ja, chuka-ja ♪
132
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,532
♪ Chuka, chuka, chuka ♪
133
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,658
♪ Chuka, chuka-ja ♪
134
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,702
Excuse me! Hi.
135
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,370
Do you have time for
a quick makeover?
136
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:49,955
Sorry, we're not even open yet.
137
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,623
Please.
138
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,042
I'm not just any customer,
I'm an Americana resident.
139
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:55,210
OK?
140
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:56,586
I'm seeing my ex today
141
00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:59,172
and she's, like, a
9.5 without makeup.
142
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:00,507
Damn.
143
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:02,050
OK, well, let's do it.
144
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,343
You are getting a
beauty mark, though.
145
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:06,888
And I get to decide
where and how big.
146
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:08,140
All right.
147
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,891
Come on. It'll be great.
148
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:11,059
♪ Keeps me feeling good ♪
149
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:12,811
♪ Feeling good ♪
150
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,397
Hello, hello.
151
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,398
Hey.
152
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,899
Where's my hug?
153
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,067
How are you?
154
00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:20,736
Oh, I'm chilling.
155
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:21,903
How are you?
- Good.
156
00:05:21,904 --> 00:05:23,572
You look great.
157
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:26,074
Um, I don't think I
remember that beauty mark.
158
00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,576
Oh, yeah. Well, you know me.
159
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,744
Woman of mystery.
160
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,078
Oh, shit!
161
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,538
- Oh, my God! Are you OK?
- I'm good, yeah.
162
00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:33,123
That's chill. This
happens all the time.
163
00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,291
- You sure?
- No worries.
164
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,709
- OK.
- Listen, um...
165
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,878
I know you and Deborah
166
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,380
don't have great feelings.
167
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:41,715
Probably mutually.
168
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,258
Your way or your
direction, more so,
169
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,593
but, um,
170
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,261
I just wanted to say I hope...
171
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:50,515
hope you won't let our
stuff affect the interview.
172
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:52,893
Yeah, um, I'm a professional.
173
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:53,935
I-I think I got it.
174
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,604
Right, right.
175
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:56,646
Cool.
176
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:58,565
By the way, congrats.
177
00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:01,943
Looks like it was all
worth it after all.
178
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:03,071
Yeah.
179
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,449
You know, um, I ran
into Fabriziana.
180
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,159
She said you were
seeing someone.
181
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,078
I'm really happy
for you, by the way.
182
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:14,039
Thank you. Yes, um, I am.
183
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,583
I'm sorry if it was weird
hearing it from her.
184
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:17,793
No, no.
185
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,461
And I'm sorry if it's weird
186
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,630
for you to hear that
I'm also seeing someone.
187
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:22,631
Great.
188
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:23,632
As well as another person.
189
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:24,966
Two people.
- Oh.
190
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:26,802
I have a boyfriend
and a girlfriend.
191
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,303
Love.
192
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:31,515
Being supah bi.
193
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:34,017
Amazing.
194
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,102
Ch-ch-ch...
195
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,311
anyway, um, great to see you.
196
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,354
I should probably head...
197
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,356
head on down to, uh,
198
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,941
the trenches.
199
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,484
Because we're, uh...
200
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,777
we're doing a desk bit
tonight that I pitched.
201
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,070
It's super funny. I
got to go finalize it.
202
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,071
Can't wait to see it.
203
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,447
- Super funny.
- I bet.
204
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:48,574
Have fun out there.
205
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,660
Listen, hey...
206
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,496
razzle-dazzle 'em.
207
00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:59,000
Hey, we really can't have
these falling off the wall, OK?
208
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:00,001
Thank you.
209
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,300
Hey.
210
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,901
Here are the jokes
for the apologies bit.
211
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:20,605
I like these three. The
rest we need to beat.
212
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:21,690
You only liked three?
213
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,151
Yes. Where are the alts?
214
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,153
These are the alts.
There are 20 jokes here.
215
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,779
Well, then we need more.
216
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,573
We shoot in an hour.
217
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:32,159
Well, then you have half an
hour to write me better jokes.
218
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:37,873
OK!
219
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,416
All hands on deck.
220
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,001
We need more jokes for
the apologies desk bit.
221
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,711
I'll type fast. Go!
222
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,504
- Uh, um...
- Uh...
223
00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:47,299
Uh, Deborah apologizes
to the floor, um,
224
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,675
for always stepping
on it in high heels.
225
00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:50,051
OK. What else?
226
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,553
Deborah apologizes,
uh, to science,
227
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,513
because she could have
cured cancer or something
228
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,140
because she's so smart,
229
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,683
but that's not where her
heart was at in undergrad.
230
00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:58,518
She, like, wanted to do stuff.
231
00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,895
More fun stuff.
- OK. What else?
232
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,354
Deborah is sorry to
the grocery stores
233
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,898
that she doesn't
buy anything there.
234
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,191
Because she doesn't eat.
235
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,525
Because she's really
weird about food.
236
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:06,693
No, I get it. It's
just not funny.
237
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:07,903
What else?
238
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:11,114
Come on, come on.
239
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,741
Great.
240
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:41,102
Here. Five pages of jokes.
241
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,730
Five pages?
242
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:45,315
There's too many alts.
243
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,942
There was just not enough.
Now there's too many?
244
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,110
Well, I don't have time
to go through all of them.
245
00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:50,320
Can you narrow it down?
246
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,821
Well, I think they're all good.
247
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:53,990
Well, which ones
are the strongest?
248
00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:55,909
Let me see.
249
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,452
Maybe...
250
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,579
You know, it's quite
literally your job
251
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:00,789
to pick the best ones.
252
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,123
I know. I just don't know
253
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:03,291
what the woman who
likes wine o'clock
254
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:04,543
thinks are the best ones.
255
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,627
What is it exactly you do here?
256
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,087
Just print jokes out?
257
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,089
You're a glorified
Kinko's employee now?
258
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,550
Well, actually, there
is no more Kinko's.
259
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,468
I mean, there's FedEx
Kinko's, which is pretty sad.
260
00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:14,845
Oh, my God, Stacey!
261
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,391
OK, this one.
262
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,810
Does that put us in
an anti-Irish barrel?
263
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,103
Fuck.
264
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,771
Do people know that
Garfield was also
265
00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:26,231
the name of a president?
- OK, forget it, forget it.
266
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,566
We're... we're cutting the bit.
267
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,067
- No!
- Yes.
268
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,485
- We have to fill the minutes.
- I know, I know.
269
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:31,653
Just go tell Ruby we're
cutting the desk bit.
270
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:32,654
We'll need her for another act.
271
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:33,780
Come on!
272
00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,491
No, no. We are done here.
273
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,830
Deborah, quick.
What's your lip combo?
274
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:44,958
Iconic.
275
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:46,001
Hey, you.
276
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,002
Do you have the time?
277
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,503
Yeah, it's midnight.
278
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:50,046
Are you going to
turn into a pumpkin?
279
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,549
You wish. Try wolf!
280
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,342
Oh, no!
281
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,305
Whoa!
282
00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,848
Ferocious.
283
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,182
Reminds me of myself
284
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,684
when Saks won't let
me make a return.
285
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,521
But I want to know where you
got that fabulous jacket.
286
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,106
Oh, that one.
287
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,816
Um, yeah, that may have
disappeared from set.
288
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:11,776
Oh, naughty, naughty Wolf Girl.
289
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,653
I have a bit of a
problem, Deborah.
290
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:14,988
I'm a bit of a klepto.
291
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,449
I took the jacket,
the boots, the ring.
292
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,700
I think I...
- Oh.
293
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,368
And the ring that you mentioned.
294
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,996
Uh, I hear you might have a
very funny story about that,
295
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:25,498
possibly concerning
an ex-girlfriend?
296
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:30,670
I'm surprised you
knew about that.
297
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,297
I mean...
298
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,798
it is a funny story.
299
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,425
OK. Who wants to hear it?
300
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:38,553
OK.
301
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,096
So before we were
shooting "Wolf Girl,"
302
00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:41,389
I was living in LA.
303
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,683
I was prepping, training 24/7,
304
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:45,393
and they sent me
home with the ring
305
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,020
to practice wielding the flail.
306
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,229
Oh, yeah.
307
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,689
Wielding the flail
is a lost art.
308
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,566
Truly.
309
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,569
Anyway, my girlfriend at
the time, she was home,
310
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,863
and, um, she found the ring.
311
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:59,699
And you can guess
what she assumed.
312
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:00,909
Uh-oh.
313
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,036
Here come the brides.
314
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:06,081
Actually, she thought
she'd beat me to the punch
315
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:09,751
and she proposed to me
first with Wolf Girl's ring.
316
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,002
Oh, how embarrassing. Oh, God.
317
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,754
No, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, yeah.
318
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,048
Um, she got down on one knee.
319
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:16,424
- No.
- Uh-huh.
320
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,426
It was very awkward.
321
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:21,179
Oh, and with a bezel
marquise cut, too.
322
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,430
No wonder she's an ex.
323
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:32,232
Up next, Dance Mom!
324
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,284
Ava. I'm so sorry.
325
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,744
She totally caught me off guard.
326
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:45,954
I would have...
- No, it was great.
327
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,914
It was great TV.
328
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:48,915
I'm sorry.
329
00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:51,918
It was hilarious.
330
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,003
It's hilarious.
331
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,014
Hi, Deborah. DJ's doing fine.
332
00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:06,599
She goes in at
11:00 a.m. tomorrow.
333
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,017
We'll call you after.
334
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:10,103
And don't forget to
lock the doggy door
335
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,980
at night because of the coyotes.
336
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,898
OK, bye-bye.
337
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:17,110
She thinks I don't know
how to take care of you.
338
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,654
But we're going to be just
fine on our own, aren't we?
339
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:22,533
Yeah.
340
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,619
Oh, Cara. Oh, did
you just fart?
341
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:27,912
Oh, honey.
342
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,290
Ah, jeez.
343
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,048
Jesus.
344
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,843
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
345
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,219
Did not mean to scare you.
346
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:44,345
It's OK.
347
00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:45,388
We just...
348
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:46,848
weren't expecting you tonight.
349
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,517
No, I know, I'm sorry. I
just... I had a hard day.
350
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:52,020
I was hoping we could hang.
351
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,814
I'm sorry, babe.
352
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:55,982
Uh, whoa.
353
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,859
Uh... what are you...
354
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,194
Sorry.
355
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:02,198
I was just trying to
kiss you, I guess.
356
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:08,369
I mean, do you want to talk
about what happened today?
357
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,704
Honestly, no.
358
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:12,290
I was hoping we
could, like, hook up.
359
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:14,919
Oh.
360
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,880
What?
361
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:21,132
Um...
362
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:24,010
Maybe you better take a seat.
363
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,095
OK.
364
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:30,892
What's up?
365
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:36,648
It kind of feels like this
is mostly about sex for you.
366
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,483
Mm...
367
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,068
yeah.
368
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:42,278
Is that crazy?
369
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,280
Uh, Em and I were talking
370
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,241
and it seems like
you don't want to
371
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:49,285
get to know us past
a certain level.
372
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:52,455
And that you don't want
us to get to know you.
373
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:54,123
What do you mean?
374
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,959
You guys know me.
375
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,627
Ava Daniels.
376
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:58,878
Waltham's own.
377
00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:00,129
Recently became
allergic to shrimp.
378
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,756
We were kind of
looking for someone
379
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:05,093
who would connect with
us emotionally as well.
380
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,136
Yeah. We're not
just sex freaks.
381
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:09,264
We did meet at a sex shop.
382
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,641
Yeah, but you're not
vulnerable with us.
383
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:13,935
And we were hoping that that
would eventually change,
384
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,770
but it hasn't.
385
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:19,065
And I don't want you to think
we're diagnosing you, but...
386
00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:21,485
kind of seems like you're not
over your last relationship.
387
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:27,532
What do you mean?
388
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,617
Well, I...
389
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,035
think she really hurt you
390
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:34,456
and you're afraid of
getting hurt again.
391
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:39,545
You guys don't know what
you're talking about.
392
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,130
Oh, OK.
393
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:46,009
Um, maybe we should just...
394
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,761
pump the brakes,
hit pause on this.
395
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,932
OK, like, all three of us?
396
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:53,933
No.
397
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,810
We opened the circle to you,
398
00:14:55,811 --> 00:15:00,106
and now we are asking
you to leave the circle.
399
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:03,610
You guys want to
be monogamous now?
400
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,028
No, we're dumping you,
401
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:07,322
and you're making
it really hard.
402
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,872
Ava, wait.
403
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:20,169
Can we get our key back?
404
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,215
Yeah.
405
00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:30,637
I tossed you both.
406
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:31,846
Can I have mine?
407
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:33,473
Sorry, those...
mine are on there.
408
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,225
Yeah.
409
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,358
I'm really proud
of you for that.
410
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:44,525
Good work.
411
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,693
You drew a boundary.
412
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,827
I'm so excited.
413
00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:56,371
Yeah, OK. So what is this?
414
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,914
Fritos is sponsoring the night,
415
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,207
so you're going to pretend
to catch a bag of Fritos
416
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,376
from Mariska Hargitay.
417
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,377
OK.
418
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,462
OK, ready?
419
00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:07,215
Thanks, Mariska.
420
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,884
Perfect. Now throw it.
421
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,052
- Anywhere?
- Yeah, yeah.
422
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:12,178
Throw it that way.
423
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:13,513
Yeah.
424
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,056
Awesome.
425
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,057
And LL Cool J is going
to catch that from you.
426
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,225
OK.
427
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,685
Hey.
428
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,228
Next time, you want
to give me a heads up
429
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,980
before you humiliate me
on national television?
430
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,898
Well, if you'd had the jokes
ready for the desk bit,
431
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:26,693
I wouldn't have had to
extend Ruby's interview.
432
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,236
It's not my fault
your messy love life
433
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,321
is funnier than the
material you write.
434
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:32,074
Fuck you.
435
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,496
OK, and now we are going to
436
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,581
wish Dakota Fanning
a happy birthday.
437
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,750
Ready? And go.
438
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:44,252
Happy birthday, Dakota.
439
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:45,712
- Fanning.
- Fanning.
440
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:48,589
"Happy birthday,
Dakota Fanning."
441
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:49,757
Please.
442
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:51,300
Happy birthday, Dakota Fanning.
443
00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:53,428
She is going to love that.
444
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,097
Hey.
445
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,724
So Fallon did
446
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,100
a "Freaky Friday" Supreme
Court sketch last night.
447
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,435
Oh, fuck, really?
448
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:01,936
- Mm-hmm.
- OK.
449
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,604
Uh, I'll work through
lunch with the writers.
450
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:04,772
We'll figure something else out.
451
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:05,773
Thank you.
452
00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,942
Uh, and the affiliate copy?
453
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,944
Sorry, I... I forgot.
454
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,779
I'll... I'll get it to you.
455
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:14,157
And I got your email
about an iPad giveaway?
456
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:15,450
I don't want a free iPad.
457
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,451
I was hacked.
458
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:18,953
My mom wired them 2,300, so.
459
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:20,330
OK.
460
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,291
Sorry guys, we're going to
have to work through lunch.
461
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,751
There's just too
much to do, and I...
462
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:28,046
Hi! Sorry I'm late.
463
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,380
Well, it's lunch.
464
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,965
That's not late,
that's missing the day.
465
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:33,718
I was at the orthodontist.
466
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,303
Tooth gem.
467
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,388
You were at the orthodontist
getting a tooth gem?
468
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:38,765
Yeah.
469
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,641
So it's not for a
medical reason, then?
470
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:43,061
Um, mental health.
471
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,312
Smiling without a tooth gem was
472
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:46,397
really affecting my self-esteem.
473
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,483
OK, well, next time,
can you just let me know
474
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,068
if you're planning on
missing half the day?
475
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,235
I texted the chat.
476
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,236
- Who?
- What chat?
477
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,489
I didn't get it.
478
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,035
Oh, I get it.
479
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,536
You guys have a group
text without me?
480
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:01,621
- No.
- It's...
481
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,622
- No.
- No.
482
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,040
Guys, just... just tell her.
483
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,000
Directness is kindness.
484
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,960
OK.
485
00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:09,504
Yes.
486
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:12,215
But it's just to, like,
talk about assignments
487
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,841
so we don't bore
you with questions.
488
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:15,176
Or memes.
489
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,179
Or, like, what movie
we're going to see.
490
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,181
OK.
491
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:22,683
I've been on staff
before. I know how it is.
492
00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:23,976
I'm the boss, so.
493
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:30,024
Whoa, branzino?
494
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:32,193
Who's Mrs. Table?
495
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,986
Oh.
496
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:37,698
Well, sometimes we just order
extra food for the table.
497
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:40,535
We... we call it Mrs. Table.
498
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:45,373
You ordered a whole bone-in
branzino for the table?
499
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,999
Well, sometimes it's branzino.
500
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,001
Sometimes it's fries.
501
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,879
Sometimes it's lobster rolls.
502
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,548
Lobster rolls?
503
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:54,633
Yeah.
504
00:18:57,427 --> 00:19:00,888
I have been subsidizing
lobster rolls?
505
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:02,765
For Mrs. Table?
506
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,767
A not-real person?
507
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:09,564
A not-real person is
getting $48 branzino?
508
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,565
$72.
509
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,400
This is so disrespectful!
510
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,569
I am working so hard!
511
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:17,905
I get here every morning
at 5:30 on the dot.
512
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:20,241
One time, I walked in on
the janitor jerking off
513
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,951
because he didn't think
anyone else was here,
514
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,619
and I didn't report it
515
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:26,747
because he probably doesn't
get paid a living wage!
516
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:27,999
And by the way,
517
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,542
branzino doesn't travel well.
518
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:31,586
You should never order it to go!
519
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,923
I quit!
520
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:42,388
We shouldn't have told
her about the text chain.
521
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,105
No!
522
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:54,525
Slow down! No!
523
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:55,693
Oh, my God!
524
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,612
This bitch is crazy!
525
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:58,739
Damn!
526
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:04,952
I nominate Barry Keoghan to
do the Chicken Dance Challenge
527
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:06,621
to support arthritis.
528
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,915
Arthritis research. We
don't support arthritis.
529
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,499
Hey, sorry to interrupt.
530
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,585
Just flagging that Ava's
been gone since lunch,
531
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:13,794
and I have not been
able to reach her.
532
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:15,463
Did she have Chipotle?
533
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,298
That usually takes up the
next two to three hours.
534
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:19,467
Apparently she had some
kind of a meltdown.
535
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:20,968
She told the writers she quit,
536
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,094
and then according to security,
537
00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:23,429
she drove through the gate.
538
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:24,972
Like, drove through it.
539
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:25,973
Oh, God.
540
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:27,725
Um, OK.
541
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:30,269
Um, well, so what do we do?
542
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:33,272
I mean, we do the
show without her.
543
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:34,815
Sure.
544
00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:36,275
But, you know, maybe we
could delay the taping
545
00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:37,652
by 30 minutes or so
in case she shows up.
546
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,986
No, you've got the
award thing right after.
547
00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,821
Oh, right.
548
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:41,989
OK.
- Sorry.
549
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:42,990
I just wanted you to know.
550
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:44,742
Sure. Thanks.
551
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,662
OK, next up, we have the
Twist and Shout Challenge
552
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,247
to help infants with scoliosis.
553
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,331
Are you ready?
554
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,167
I'm sorry to my
personal assistants
555
00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:55,002
numbers three through seven.
556
00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:58,130
Just because you are gay does
not make you detail-oriented.
557
00:20:58,131 --> 00:20:59,632
And I should have
had more grace.
558
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:11,310
And thank you to Al
Gore and GloRilla.
559
00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:12,854
See you tomorrow night.
560
00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:16,524
Whoo!
561
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,652
That was great.
562
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,153
We didn't need to push.
- Yeah.
563
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:22,530
I'm going to head to the edit.
564
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:23,572
I'll see you at the
awards ceremony.
565
00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:25,533
OK.
566
00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:01,068
Hey, Deborah.
567
00:22:01,069 --> 00:22:02,361
Your car is waiting outside.
568
00:22:02,362 --> 00:22:03,779
Thanks. OK.
569
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,383
You got to leave that
marriage, you know?
570
00:22:24,384 --> 00:22:26,385
Oh, there she is.
571
00:22:26,386 --> 00:22:28,054
The bravest woman in comedy.
572
00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:29,555
Oh, please.
573
00:22:29,556 --> 00:22:31,098
Any woman who goes on Bill Maher
574
00:22:31,099 --> 00:22:32,350
is the bravest woman in comedy.
575
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:33,351
I hear you on that.
576
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:34,352
Give me a little love.
577
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:35,353
Hey, nice to see you.
578
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,395
Nice to see you.
579
00:22:36,396 --> 00:22:38,022
Oh, God.
580
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:39,565
Thank you for doing this
ridiculous network stunt.
581
00:22:39,566 --> 00:22:40,858
Hey, come on now.
582
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:41,942
Don't do that.
583
00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:43,235
It's a tough town.
584
00:22:43,236 --> 00:22:45,112
You got to celebrate
every little win.
585
00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:46,947
It's a fake award, Ro.
586
00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:48,741
Yes. I have many
of them at home.
587
00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:51,535
Remember, you were there
588
00:22:51,536 --> 00:22:53,287
when I got that Crystal
Pepsi Award for...
589
00:22:53,288 --> 00:22:55,206
both: Clarity in Comedy.
590
00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:58,292
So tell me, how's
the show going?
591
00:22:58,293 --> 00:23:02,129
You know, some days are good,
and you know, some aren't.
592
00:23:02,130 --> 00:23:03,798
Yeah, I understand.
593
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:06,008
Some days you want to
pull your hair out.
594
00:23:06,009 --> 00:23:07,468
But other days,
595
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:09,136
you're sitting there
laughing your ass off
596
00:23:09,137 --> 00:23:11,347
with some of your favorite
people in the whole world.
597
00:23:11,348 --> 00:23:13,307
You got to focus on that.
598
00:23:13,308 --> 00:23:16,311
Because to tell you the truth,
that's what I miss the most.
599
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:20,648
So, you do ayahuasca?
600
00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:21,690
What do you mean?
601
00:23:21,691 --> 00:23:23,275
I mean how did all this happen?
602
00:23:23,276 --> 00:23:24,985
Oh, well, that was
just, you know,
603
00:23:24,986 --> 00:23:28,364
hard work, timing, and
you know, a lot of luck.
604
00:23:28,365 --> 00:23:30,491
No, you got better.
605
00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:32,034
You don't just get better.
606
00:23:32,035 --> 00:23:33,702
Comedy is like sports.
607
00:23:33,703 --> 00:23:37,123
Nobody starts dunking
at 60 years old.
608
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:40,000
I guess I just found my voice.
609
00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:41,460
You know, we all evolve.
610
00:23:41,461 --> 00:23:43,170
I mean, you've evolved.
611
00:23:43,171 --> 00:23:45,089
Yeah, it only took me five kids,
612
00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:47,508
two nervous breakdowns,
and a lot of Ozempic.
613
00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:49,176
But yes, I've evolved.
614
00:23:49,177 --> 00:23:51,345
And I'm glad I can be
here for your fake award.
615
00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:54,640
Now let's make it quick.
- Oh, God, please.
616
00:23:54,641 --> 00:23:56,809
By the way, I can't
stay for your speech.
617
00:23:56,810 --> 00:23:57,977
Don't be pissed.
618
00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:02,189
Without further ado,
I'm honored to present
619
00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:03,983
the Courage in Comedy Award
620
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:06,318
to a woman who never
let fear stop her.
621
00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:08,154
What choice did
she have, really?
622
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,655
I mean, I've seen her house,
623
00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:11,031
and she has to pay
for that mortgage.
624
00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:12,533
She's going to be
working forever.
625
00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:14,201
And I, for one, hope she does.
626
00:24:14,202 --> 00:24:16,370
Please welcome the
iconic Deborah Vance.
627
00:24:21,042 --> 00:24:22,127
Mm.
628
00:24:24,671 --> 00:24:27,214
Oh, Cara, baby.
629
00:24:27,215 --> 00:24:28,716
Hello, sweetie.
630
00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:30,385
Where's Barry, huh?
631
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:33,638
Where's your brother?
632
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:37,057
Barry?
633
00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:39,685
Barry.
634
00:24:39,686 --> 00:24:40,686
Where are you?
635
00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:43,148
Barry?
636
00:24:44,983 --> 00:24:46,318
Mama's home.
637
00:24:47,903 --> 00:24:49,154
Barry?
638
00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:53,825
Barry?
639
00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:56,243
Barry!
640
00:24:56,244 --> 00:24:57,244
Come on! Where are you?
641
00:24:57,245 --> 00:24:58,579
Mama's home.
642
00:24:58,580 --> 00:24:59,748
Where are you?
643
00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:02,584
Barry?
644
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:06,504
Huh?
645
00:25:07,714 --> 00:25:09,131
Oh, my God, how did
you get outside?
646
00:25:10,133 --> 00:25:11,133
Oh, no!
647
00:25:11,134 --> 00:25:12,218
Oh, God!
648
00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:13,636
No! Jesus!
649
00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:19,099
No! No!
650
00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:25,940
You're OK. You're OK.
651
00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,110
Oh, oh, are you OK?
652
00:25:30,111 --> 00:25:32,404
Are you OK, honey? Are you OK?
653
00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:44,750
I'm sorry, baby.
I'm sorry, baby.
654
00:25:44,751 --> 00:25:46,377
I'm sorry.
655
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:50,674
I should have protected you.
656
00:26:10,694 --> 00:26:12,152
Have you seen a lesbian ginger?
657
00:26:12,153 --> 00:26:14,196
- No, sorry.
- Thanks for nothing.
658
00:26:14,197 --> 00:26:16,031
God.
- Hi.
659
00:26:16,032 --> 00:26:17,658
- Any luck?
- No.
660
00:26:17,659 --> 00:26:19,493
We just checked her
apartment. She's not there.
661
00:26:19,494 --> 00:26:20,953
I'm looking in Silver Lake.
Call me if you find her.
662
00:26:20,954 --> 00:26:22,830
Kayla, come on. We're
not getting Wetzel's.
663
00:26:22,831 --> 00:26:24,331
Jimmy, hate to say it,
664
00:26:24,332 --> 00:26:25,624
but statistically at this point,
665
00:26:25,625 --> 00:26:27,334
we're looking for a body.
666
00:26:27,335 --> 00:26:29,503
I don't understand.
She just left?
667
00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:31,046
What even happened?
668
00:26:31,047 --> 00:26:32,881
Hello... Deborah?
669
00:26:32,882 --> 00:26:34,675
She hung up on
me. Unbelievable.
670
00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:37,845
♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la ♪
671
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:42,516
♪ You're a ghost, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
672
00:26:43,935 --> 00:26:45,519
♪ I'm the bishop
and I've come ♪
673
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,271
♪ To claim you
with my iron drum ♪
674
00:26:47,272 --> 00:26:50,816
♪ La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la ♪
675
00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:01,619
Oh, I'm sorry.
676
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:03,162
I... I thought you
were somebody else.
677
00:27:03,163 --> 00:27:04,872
I'm sorry. What... what
is everybody lined up for?
678
00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:05,956
Oh, we're here for Girl Twirl,
679
00:27:05,957 --> 00:27:08,375
a night of queer line dancing.
680
00:27:08,376 --> 00:27:09,710
Perfect.
681
00:27:09,711 --> 00:27:13,380
Um, have you seen this woman?
682
00:27:13,381 --> 00:27:14,882
Uh...
683
00:27:14,883 --> 00:27:16,008
I don't know her.
684
00:27:16,009 --> 00:27:17,217
No? Anybody?
685
00:27:17,218 --> 00:27:20,054
I-I-I'm trying to
find this girl.
686
00:27:20,055 --> 00:27:21,847
I'm trying to find this girl.
687
00:27:21,848 --> 00:27:23,223
Anybody?
688
00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:24,933
Do you have Find My
iPhone enabled for her?
689
00:27:24,934 --> 00:27:26,352
Oh, I think I might, yeah.
690
00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:30,230
Can you... can you help
me find my Find My?
691
00:27:30,231 --> 00:27:32,067
OK.
692
00:27:33,193 --> 00:27:36,362
There she is.
- Thank you.
693
00:27:36,363 --> 00:27:38,030
Thank you.
694
00:27:38,031 --> 00:27:39,406
[Orchestral Manoeuvres
in the Dark's
695
00:27:39,407 --> 00:27:42,409
"[Of All the Things We've Made"]
696
00:28:05,266 --> 00:28:06,934
Ava!
697
00:28:12,273 --> 00:28:13,440
Ava, no!
698
00:28:13,441 --> 00:28:14,775
No! God, no!
699
00:28:14,776 --> 00:28:16,777
Ava, you can't swim!
700
00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,153
Ava!
701
00:28:18,154 --> 00:28:19,154
No!
702
00:28:19,155 --> 00:28:20,781
No, no!
703
00:28:35,630 --> 00:28:37,506
What the fuck?
704
00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:38,841
What the hell are you doing?
705
00:28:38,842 --> 00:28:40,134
Uh, I-I'm sorry.
706
00:28:40,135 --> 00:28:41,969
I thought you were
somebody else.
707
00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:42,970
What the hell are you doing?
708
00:28:42,971 --> 00:28:44,346
I'm night swimming.
709
00:28:44,347 --> 00:28:46,014
Oh. It's frigid!
710
00:28:46,015 --> 00:28:47,975
I'm training for the
Polar Bear Plunge!
711
00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:48,976
Back off!
712
00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:51,980
OK.
713
00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:10,415
Deborah?
714
00:29:12,167 --> 00:29:14,126
What the hell are you doing?
715
00:29:14,127 --> 00:29:15,335
I...
716
00:29:15,336 --> 00:29:17,129
L-looking for you!
717
00:29:17,130 --> 00:29:19,631
I thought you were
drowning yourself.
718
00:29:19,632 --> 00:29:21,508
Oh, my God, no.
719
00:29:21,509 --> 00:29:25,304
You... you drove through
a gate and disappeared!
720
00:29:25,305 --> 00:29:26,555
Yeah.
721
00:29:26,556 --> 00:29:29,308
I'm not suicidal,
I just want to die.
722
00:29:29,309 --> 00:29:30,559
What?
723
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,020
I'm not actually
gonna self-harm, OK?
724
00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:34,229
And if I was going
to kill myself,
725
00:29:34,230 --> 00:29:35,522
I wouldn't do it
Virginia Woolf style
726
00:29:35,523 --> 00:29:37,399
and walk into the
freezing ocean.
727
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,568
I'd do pills or wear
a suicide vest on...
728
00:29:39,569 --> 00:29:41,320
both: "Watch What
Happens Live."
729
00:29:42,530 --> 00:29:44,364
Shit, your lips
are blue. Come on.
730
00:29:44,365 --> 00:29:45,991
Come on.
731
00:29:45,992 --> 00:29:48,453
Oh, my God.
732
00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:54,541
Oh, thank you.
733
00:29:54,542 --> 00:29:55,876
Here you go.
734
00:29:55,877 --> 00:29:57,044
Sorry, I know you
guys are closing soon.
735
00:29:57,045 --> 00:29:58,378
No, it's on the house.
736
00:29:58,379 --> 00:29:59,671
The hoodie, too.
- Oh.
737
00:29:59,672 --> 00:30:00,964
I'm a big fan.
738
00:30:00,965 --> 00:30:02,550
Can I get a selfie?
739
00:30:04,761 --> 00:30:06,178
Not tonight, sweetie.
740
00:30:06,179 --> 00:30:07,554
OK.
741
00:30:07,555 --> 00:30:08,848
Respect.
742
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:14,728
Mmm.
743
00:30:14,729 --> 00:30:16,063
Thanks for trying
to save my life.
744
00:30:16,064 --> 00:30:17,689
Or whoever's life that was.
745
00:30:17,690 --> 00:30:19,691
I...
746
00:30:19,692 --> 00:30:22,695
appreciate you ruining your
second-favorite fur as well.
747
00:30:24,572 --> 00:30:27,533
So why were you at the beach?
748
00:30:27,534 --> 00:30:28,534
I don't know.
749
00:30:28,535 --> 00:30:29,910
Um...
750
00:30:29,911 --> 00:30:32,246
I just got in my car and drove.
751
00:30:32,247 --> 00:30:34,581
I... I was just trying to
get away from everything
752
00:30:34,582 --> 00:30:36,542
and I ended up at the beach.
753
00:30:36,543 --> 00:30:39,753
Which is, like, so embarrassing
now that I say it out loud.
754
00:30:39,754 --> 00:30:42,965
It's so first thought
after a breakdown.
755
00:30:42,966 --> 00:30:44,716
A little bit, yeah.
756
00:30:46,594 --> 00:30:48,930
And, um, I don't know if
you heard, but I quit.
757
00:30:54,018 --> 00:30:55,227
You're the youngest head writer
758
00:30:55,228 --> 00:30:57,104
in the history of late night.
759
00:30:57,105 --> 00:30:59,773
You can't just quit.
760
00:30:59,774 --> 00:31:02,442
Well, I did.
761
00:31:02,443 --> 00:31:03,944
And I do.
762
00:31:03,945 --> 00:31:06,572
Listen, you're up and
down in this career.
763
00:31:06,573 --> 00:31:08,866
Right now, you're up.
764
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:10,117
But if you walk away,
765
00:31:10,118 --> 00:31:11,702
I'm telling you, one
day you'll regret it.
766
00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:13,453
I won't.
767
00:31:13,454 --> 00:31:15,789
I suck shit at this fucking job.
768
00:31:15,790 --> 00:31:17,958
You were right. I never
should have taken it.
769
00:31:17,959 --> 00:31:20,460
I wasn't the right
person for it.
770
00:31:20,461 --> 00:31:21,879
The only reason you were failing
771
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,338
is because I set you up to fail.
772
00:31:23,339 --> 00:31:24,591
I'm sorry.
773
00:31:26,467 --> 00:31:28,969
Give me another chance.
774
00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:30,470
Please.
775
00:31:30,471 --> 00:31:31,930
Even though I probably
don't deserve one.
776
00:31:31,931 --> 00:31:34,808
You don't.
777
00:31:34,809 --> 00:31:37,102
I promise I'll
make it up to you.
778
00:31:37,103 --> 00:31:39,271
Don't say that.
779
00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:41,648
Please don't say that.
780
00:31:41,649 --> 00:31:44,443
Because when you say that,
I want to believe you.
781
00:31:46,362 --> 00:31:48,281
But you always let me down.
782
00:31:50,199 --> 00:31:51,658
I won't.
783
00:31:51,659 --> 00:31:52,744
This time.
784
00:31:54,662 --> 00:31:56,330
I can't trust you.
785
00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:58,582
I understand why
you feel that way,
786
00:31:58,583 --> 00:32:00,209
but I'm begging you.
787
00:32:03,838 --> 00:32:05,756
What do I have to do,
run back into that ocean?
788
00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:07,090
Because I will.
789
00:32:07,091 --> 00:32:09,676
Even if I did come back...
790
00:32:09,677 --> 00:32:12,346
I don't know if
I can do the job.
791
00:32:12,347 --> 00:32:14,891
I don't even know
your voice anymore.
792
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:19,436
You are my voice.
793
00:32:27,236 --> 00:32:29,072
But I kind of hate you now.
794
00:32:32,241 --> 00:32:34,701
Uh, so?
795
00:32:34,702 --> 00:32:36,703
Lots of people do.
796
00:32:36,704 --> 00:32:39,040
You're part of a
vibrant community.
797
00:32:46,255 --> 00:32:49,049
I can't write a show that
appeals to millions of people.
798
00:32:49,050 --> 00:32:51,093
I-I was wrong to focus on them.
799
00:32:51,094 --> 00:32:52,552
We can't make it for them.
800
00:32:52,553 --> 00:32:53,972
We have to make
it for each other.
801
00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:58,225
We'll probably never make
it out of last place, so...
802
00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:00,727
we should at least
try to have fun.
803
00:33:00,728 --> 00:33:01,854
Yeah.
804
00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:06,693
I haven't had fun
in a long time.
805
00:33:08,444 --> 00:33:09,695
Me either.
806
00:33:18,746 --> 00:33:22,333
I guess I do have to make
fun of Stacey to someone.
807
00:33:24,335 --> 00:33:26,420
Please.
808
00:33:26,421 --> 00:33:27,754
I mean, how do you
tell an HR person
809
00:33:27,755 --> 00:33:29,089
they need to wear deodorant?
810
00:33:29,090 --> 00:33:30,924
I mean, that is a trap.
- Oh, I did.
811
00:33:30,925 --> 00:33:32,968
She said she doesn't sweat
that much and doesn't need it.
812
00:33:32,969 --> 00:33:34,761
I was thinking, girl, you do.
813
00:33:36,305 --> 00:33:38,807
It's not up to you.
It's up to us, actually.
814
00:33:46,566 --> 00:33:48,234
Hold on a second.
815
00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:08,628
What is that?
816
00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:16,432
Something we should have
shared a long time ago.
817
00:34:25,855 --> 00:34:28,482
Yeah, it's been in
my trunk for months.
818
00:34:28,483 --> 00:34:29,858
Yeah, it's awful.
819
00:34:29,859 --> 00:34:31,109
Yeah.
820
00:34:31,110 --> 00:34:34,988
♪ Well, it had to end ♪
821
00:34:34,989 --> 00:34:37,783
I saw Stacey in the kitchen
822
00:34:37,784 --> 00:34:39,284
eating a banana
with the peel on.
823
00:34:39,285 --> 00:34:40,952
- You did not!
- Peel on.
824
00:34:40,953 --> 00:34:42,996
- That's a lie!
- Like a corn on the cob.
825
00:34:42,997 --> 00:34:45,499
♪ It's a curse to
be your friend ♪
826
00:34:45,500 --> 00:34:48,126
♪ I love you so
you cause me pain ♪
827
00:34:48,127 --> 00:34:51,963
♪ Yeah, and it's a
curse to be alone ♪
828
00:34:51,964 --> 00:34:55,050
♪ You left me out
here in the rain ♪
829
00:34:55,051 --> 00:34:58,345
♪ I miss you more
the more I grow ♪
830
00:34:58,346 --> 00:35:01,181
♪ I love you so
you cause me pain ♪
831
00:35:01,182 --> 00:35:05,018
♪ Oh, it's a curse
to be your friend ♪
832
00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:13,527
♪ Oh, you look the same ♪
833
00:35:13,528 --> 00:35:15,862
♪ Did you stop smoking weed ♪
834
00:35:15,863 --> 00:35:19,616
♪ Or trying to
please your dad? ♪
835
00:35:19,617 --> 00:35:22,702
♪ He's not thinking
about your pain ♪
836
00:35:22,703 --> 00:35:26,665
♪ Oh, it had to end ♪
837
00:35:26,666 --> 00:35:29,709
♪ But endings lead
to better things ♪
838
00:35:29,710 --> 00:35:32,921
♪ Like feeling again ♪
839
00:35:32,922 --> 00:35:37,551
♪ Mm, it's a curse
to be your friend ♪
840
00:35:37,552 --> 00:35:40,679
♪ I love you so
you cause me pain ♪
841
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,890
♪ Yeah, and it's a
curse to be alone ♪
842
00:35:43,891 --> 00:35:47,018
♪ You left me out
here in the rain ♪
843
00:35:47,019 --> 00:35:50,564
♪ I miss you more
the more I grow ♪
844
00:35:50,565 --> 00:35:52,899
♪ I love you so
you cause me pain ♪
845
00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:56,570
♪ Oh, it's a curse
to be your friend ♪
57021
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