Original subtitles

THE OLD RANGER: And now,Death Valley Days.

♪♪ [ trumpet ]

Hyah! Yah!

Yah! Yah!

Howdy, folks. I'’m the Old Ranger,

and I have another interesting true story for you

about the historic Death Valley country.

Not so long ago,

as I was driving into Death Valley,

what should I see suddenly looming up in the road ahead of me

but an old, double-decker Fifth Avenue bus.

Its driver looking as nonchalant

as if he was right in Midtown Manhattan

instead of way off in the middle of the desert.

My mind jumped back to the first motor vehicle

I ever saw in that Death Valley region.

Owned by Porphyry Smith.

And because everybody who'’s ever heard that story

loved it and wants to hear it again,

I'’m going to tell it to you now.

I call it...

This is Porphyry Smith in the year 1905,

heading home from a prospecting trip with his burros.

Home is this shack in the Mojave Desert.

Matilda Smith has been married to Porphyry

for close to 30 years,

and she'’s counting off those 30 years bitterly

at this particular moment.

Hello.

If he says, "Well, Ma, I'’m back," I'’m gonna scream.

Well, Ma, I'’m back.

[ screams ]

What'’s the matter?

Can'’t you never think of nothing original, Porphyry?

Why, sure. If you give me time.

I'’ve given you 30 years.

30 years come next Monday.

Next Monday?Yeah, wash day. And our anniversary.

Well, I'’ll be dag busted.

30 years. Don'’t highly seem possible, does it?

Mm, what'’ve you got to show for it?

Well, I got you.

And I got my burros.And this shack.

And a pile of worthless assay reports.

Now, look, Tildy, if you'’ll just let me

get a word in edgewi--I know you'’re sorry, Porphyry,

and I know you'’re trying your best.

But some folks are just born to bad luck.

Now, if you won'’t listen, woman,

by golly, maybe you'’ll look.

Money!4,000 bucks.

Ha!

Where'’d it come from?This ain'’t nothin'.

I just had a little strike over there in the Funeral Range

and sold it to the Shoshone outfit for cash.

And there it is.

Oh, Porphyry. [ sniffles ]

To think how I lashed out at you just now.

I'’m so ashamed.

Oh, that'’s all right, Ma. That'’s your privilege.

Once in 30 years.

[ chuckles ]

Ahh.

Well... [ blows ]

here'’s to lady luck.

And the end of the rainbow.

Why, this ain'’t the end.

It'’s just the beginning.

What do you want for an anniversary present?

Oh, Porphyry!

Anything your heart desires is yours. Within reason.

Well, there is something, Porphyry, that I'’ve been dying for.

Well, you just name it.

[ gasps ]

I saw a picture of it in Ladies'’ Magazine last year and saved it.

"The newest thing in automobile fashions for m'’lady."

That'’s what I want, Porphyry.

A motor bonnet and duster.

Well, what would you do with it?

Where would you wear it?

In our new automobile.What?

Oh, Pa, let'’s get an automobile.

Have you lost your senses, woman?

Please.

Why, there ain'’t no automobiles out in the desert.

Why, I read in the paper that Senator Clark has one

and Mr. Schwab.

Yeah, but they'’re big mine promoters.

They ain'’t ordinary folks like us.

The store in Yermo is gonna carry gasoline.

That'’s 20 miles away.

We could go there in two hours in an automobile.

Well, who wants to?

I do.

I'’d give my eye teeth to be able to ride over there

whenever I felt like it.

Do a bit of shopping and see the folks,

and let them see us.

Oh, Pa, we ain'’t never, in all our lives,

had nothing to show off.

This'’d be it. We'’d be the first.

Hmm.

Why, even that John Lucas that thinks he'’s so smart--

he still drives a buckboard.

Yeah. So he does. So he does.

And I suppose that you'’ve got a picture of this auto.

No.

Just in my mind.

You really got your heart set on it, huh?

It'’d make up for everything I went without the past 30 years.

Here.

Well, little Tildy,

when I go up to the city next time I'’ll have a look at one.

Oh, Pa!

Now, mind you, Ma, I didn'’t say I was gonna buy one.

Oh! I said that I'’d have a look at one.

[ laughing ] Pa.

Have delivery in five days. I'’m sure you're going to be very happy.

Thank you. Bye.

Pardon me.

Yes, sir. What can I do for you?

Well, I-- I wanna buy an auto.

You'’ve come to the right place, but, uh,

they cost money, you know? [ chuckles ]

How much?Well, that all depends.

The gentlemen who just left bought a French car, a racing model.

Yeah? Well, I don'’t want no foreign car.

I want an American.Mm.

And it ain'’t for racing.

It'’s for my old woman.

And she wants an automobile so bad that she can taste it.

Well, sir, I'’m afraid that you'’ll, eh--

I-I have just the very thing for you.

Right this way. Yes, sir. Yep.

Now, this is an electric carriage.

This is a car that a lady can drive and still look like a lady.

Now, sir, if you'’ll notice, it steers with a tiller.

You see? Now, this car is absolutely quiet.

Makes no noise whatsoever.

It'’s just the car your wife will love.

Yeah, I guess so.

But if I buy an auto, I want one that folks can hear is coming.

Ain'’t you got one that'’s bigger and noisier?

Would you be interested in a Cadillac?

Now, what'’s that?It'’s a gasoline model. One of our best.

Now, here'’s our sports roadster, sir. Isn'’t she a beauty?

This is a car that I think you would be very happy with,

and you'’d be proud to own.

Well... [ chuckles ]

n-n-n-no.

I don'’t think that that would suit me at all.

How about this model right over here?

This has been one of our best sellers.

The very popular touring model.

You see, it'’s secondhand, but it'’s in very good shape.

Four cylinders. And one of its best features

is its chain drive.A what?

A chain drive, right underneath.

[ chuckles ] Well, I just don'’t like

to take up so much of your time, Mister--Oh, that'’s all right.

...but the ones you showed me-- none of '’em seem to appeal to me.

Well, sir, that'’s probably because

you just don'’t know too much about automobiles. [ chuckles ]

Well, this is the closest I'’ve ever been to one.

Yes, well, I can believe that.

I'’ll try and drop in again and see that...

Say, what'’s that over yonder?

Well, uh--Now, that'’s different.

Yeah.That'’s real smart.

Yeah, b-but-- B-But--

Ain'’t she a beauty? Huh?

Well... [ mutters ]

[ chuckles ]

Folks can see us coming a mile away, eh?

[ honks ] Oh. [ chuckles ]

What'’s the price?Uh, the price?

Yes. She is for sale, ain'’t she?

Oh, yes. Certainly. Absolutely. She'’s for sale.Well, name your price.

Are you sure you want to purchase this, uh, vehicle?

Yes, siree.

She'’s the only one I'’ve seen in your shop that I give two hoots about.

Yeah, well, she'’ll cost you a little more than "two hoots."

The, uh, price is exactly,

uh, say, $3,800.

Yeah? Sold.

And you will show me how to drive her?

Oh, certainly. It'’s just a matter of shifting gears.

You'’ll have no difficulty.

No? Not even in this city traffic?

Sir, in this vehicle,

everyone will give you the right-of-way.

Yeah? And if they don'’t,

I can honk my horn, huh? [ horn honking ]

The good loud horn.

Yeah, like, uh, Gabriel'’s trumpet.

Now, let me see. You said 3,800.

[ horn honks ]

[ horn honks ]

[ honks ]

[ exclaiming ] [ horn honking ]

[ exclaiming continues ]

[ honking ]

[ engine chugging ]

[ honking ]

[ laughs ]

[ exhales ]

Are you all right, Ma?Yes.

But it was such a surprise.

Oh!Now, don'’t ask me how much I paid for it,

'’cause it's the doggonedest, highest-priced auto they had there.

I wanted you to have the best, Ma. Uh-huh.

Now, come on. [ grunts ]

[ grunts ]Take it easy now. There.

[ grunts ] There. Now.

Alongside of this one, them other cars

looked like a dime'’s worth of dog meat.

What'’s this in here?

PORPHYRY: Oh, them'’s cans of gasoline.

Oh, this critter really drinks it up.

But you oughta see her climb the hills, Ma.

She goes up there at ten miles an hour.

Ten?Yes, siree!

Well!

You think the color'’s all right, Ma?

I kinda wanted a bright red.

Well, um, white'’s better for the desert.

It don'’t show the dust so much.

Yeah. I guess you'’re right.

Oh, I pretty near forgot. [ chuckles ]

I got another present for you, Ma.

Oh, not the auto bonnet and duster!

Now, you just take it on in and try it on.[ squeals ]

All right. [ laughing ]

Tildy, ain'’t that great?

No hitchin'’. [ laughing ] [ laughing ]

Well, how do I look?

Like the Queen of Sheba.

[ giggles ]Are you ready to go?

Where to?Yermo.

Yermo? [ gasps ]

Ready.

Madam, your horseless carriage awaits you.

[ laughing ]

I feel like I'’m flying.

You ain'’t scared, are you, Ma?

No.

Look at that jackrabbit scoot.

[ nervous chuckle ][ honking ]

[ engine chugging ]Oh! We'’re on fire!

There'’s smoke pouring out of our rear end.

[ chugging continues ]

Porphyry!Just exhaust.

A what? Exhaust!

Stop and rest, then.

Now, you just sit tight.

[ horn honking ]

[ kids exclaiming ]

[ horn honking ]

[ horn honking ]

PORPHYRY: Hello, everybody! [ laughing ]

Well, how do you like it?

St. Peter'’s coming to fetch me!

MAN: Where'’d you get it, Porphyry?

In Los Angeles.

It cost a mint of money.

And was well worth it.

How long do you suppose it took us to get over here?

One hour and 45 minutes!

From Los Angeles?

No, from my shack.Oh.

Does anybody wanna take a ride for two bits a head?

[ chattering ]

[ horn honking ][ whooping ]

Has he went into the business?

No. Appears like he bought it for pleasure.

Pleasure? The darned old fool.

Don'’t he know one when he sees one? Reckon not.

Did you tell him?Didn'’t have a chance.

His missus sitting there so proud, she'’d like to bust a gusset.

[ both chuckling ]

Well, we'’ll have some fun with him.

Tell the boys not to tell him what kind of a car he'’s got.

[ both laughing ]

I'’ve got to speak to the county commissioner about these roads.

You don'’t have to drive so fast.

Well, there'’s a storm a'’comin'. Look over yonder.

Rain'’s already coming down on the mountains.

[ rain falling ] [ thunderclap ]

Is it never gonna let up?

I don'’t see how there'’s any rain left in the heavens by now.

Only time I can recollect it pouring so hard and long

was back in '’93, or maybe in '’92.

I don'’t know. [ knocking on door ]

Who could that be this time of night?I'’ll see.

Why, it'’s Charlie Hall. Come in.

Tildy, you know Charlie Hall, our county commissioner.Porphyry, I, uh--

We was just talking about you yesterday, coming back from Yermo.

I just came from there.

Well, then, you must'’ve heard about my automobile.

Why, the Mojave River'’s on a rampage. It'’s overflowed its banks.

I'’m gonna tell you, it'’s the classiest model you ever did--

Mojave?

Half the district'’s underwater.

Houses are floating away. People are stranded.

I'’m rounding up all the help I can to rescue '’em

and get word of warning to the others.

Well, you can count me in.

We can use our auto.That'’s what I figured.

Now, get all the blankets and food together.

Uh, how about gasoline?

I got plenty of it stored in the shed.

Good. Well, I'’ll see you later. I gotta get going.

[ thunderclap ]

All right. Get in there now, and we'’ll get out of here.

[ engine backfires, starts ]

[ thunderclap ]

The river'’s on a rampage! Clear out!

Whoa. I'’ll take care of you folks.

You just move round to the back end.

Come on now. The whole kit and caboodle of you get in,

and I'’ll take you to safety in my auto.

Now, crowd right back in there, because--

Move them blankets and that can.

We got enough room for ya. Now, all right.

[ thunderclap ]TILDY: Pa, stop!

There'’s some folks stuck up there on that rooftop!

[ thunderclap ]

Help! Help!

Hey, that'’s Mrs. Callahan, ain'’t it? Yeah.

TILDY: Oh, with the baby and her little boy!

Oh, please help!

We gotta get '’em off of there pretty quick, or they'’ll drown.

The building'’s about to go to pieces.

Ohh!

[ thunderclap ]

Help us!

Now, one of you fellas go up here and give me a hand with the rope here.

Take the end of it and tie it on to the other end of that rope.Watch what'’s going on, kid.

[ chattering ]

Down here?I got it.

I'’m ready here. How about you?

We'’re all set here. All right. Gonna take her away.

[ thunderclap ]

[ engine revving ]

Back up! Back up!

[ all shouting ]

[ shouting continues ]

Oh, that'’s doing it!

Oh, Pa, it'’s coming in to shore.

[ chattering ] [ thunderclap ]

There'’s so many heroes among us,

I can'’t pay them all individual tribute, but--

You done all right yourself, John. [ chuckles ]

But I guess we'’d all agree

if it hadn'’t been for Porphyry Smith and his--

his automobile,

we might'’ve suffered real loss of life in this flood.

That'’s right.

And to show that we really mean it,

we want to present you with this medal.

[ chuckling ] Well, thank you.

Oh, I'’m so proud of you, Pa.

[ laughing ]

[ men shouting ]

I beg your pardon.

I'’m sorry to bother you at this time,

but I was wondering if you could give me some water for my car?

The radiator'’s nearly dry.

You got a car?

Yes, it'’s at the bottom of the hill.

I didn'’t know whether I could make it.

Well, I declare. '’Course you can have some water.

It'’s kind of-- kind of scarce out here,

but we'’re always willing to do a favor, you know.

You'’re very kind.

I hesitated to stop under the circumstances.

Knowing the trouble you'’re in.

What give you that idea?

Why, the hearse.

"The hearse"?

[ chuckling ] Oh. Well, that'’s my auto.

Oh, I see. I didn'’t realize.

Well, I always thought that hearses was black.

Not always. They have white hearses for children.

Well, where I'’ve always lived on the desert,

they take their folks to the burying ground in a wagon.

I'’ve never--

I'’ve never seen a hearse in my life until...

[ engine idling ]

[ engine continues idling ]

[ honks ]

Porphyry, I didn'’t hear you drive up.

I was afoot.Afoot?

Something happen to the car?

It'’s gone.Gone?

Skidded off the road into a canyon.

[ gasps ] Oh, Pa!

I'’m all right, though.Oh, thank goodness for that.

The only thing I regret is that that fella in Los Angeles

that sold it to me wasn'’t in it.

I'’ve been the laughingstock of this whole desert with that car.

No, you haven'’t.

I feel-- I feel so ashamed, Tildy,

that I don'’t know how to tell you.

You don'’t need to, honey. I'’ve known all along.

You knew that car was a-- a--

From the very beginning, when you brung it home.

And you never told me? Why?

Because you were doing it for me, Pa, and I love you.

Oh, Tildy.

[ sniffling ]

Where, uh-- Where'’s my matches?

Comfortable?

I don'’t know how I ever got along

without a veil and duster to protect me.

There'’s something mighty friendly about a horse, ain'’t there?

Mighty.

Well, folks, that'’s it.

The brief, but spectacular career

of the first automobile in the Mojave Desert.