All language subtitles for Death.Valley.Days.S04E20.The.Longest.Beard.in.the.World.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-bigworm_track3_[eng]

THE OLD RANGER:
And now,Death Valley Days.

♪♪ [ trumpet ]

Hyah! Yah!

Yah! Yah!

Howdy, folks.
I'’m the Old Ranger,

and I have another
interesting true story for you

about the historic
Death Valley country.

I got out the dictionary
the other day,

as I was mulling over
this particular story,

and looked up the definition
of the word "beard,"

and this is what it said.

"The hair on the face
of a male adult.

"Specifically chin whiskers.
A tough"--

Tough, my eye.

They never saw the fella
I'’m gonna tell you about.

The man who claimed to have...

His name: Barnaby Taylor.

Occupation: small-town lawyer

in a Western mining district.

Distinguishing feature:

a beard which has been
growing uninterruptedly

for 25 years,

and which now,
on this spring day in 1893,
measures--

Well, let'’s guess.

Barnaby himself
stands six foot tall.

MAN:
Barney!Well, Ed, Jack.

We were just
talking about you.

We'’ve got a proposition
to put up to you, Barney.

A wonderful idea.Mm, what is it?

Let'’s adjourn
to the privacy of your office.

Sounds important.Oh, you'’ll think so
when you hear.

You'’re suggesting
that I run for Congress?

It'’s high time this district
had a proper representative
in Washington.

Someone who'’d really
put us on the map.

Maybe boost
the price of silver.

Think what that would mean
to all of us.

Well, yes. Certainly.

But I'’ve never been active
in politics.

That doesn'’t make
any difference.

You'’ve got what it takes.

Gentlemen, I'’m flattered
that you think so highly
of my abilities.

[ laughs ]
It'’s not what's inside
of your head, Barney.

It'’s what's outside.

It'’s your beard.
That beard
will get you elected.

There'’s no beard in the state
can compare with it.

In the whole
United States of America!

In the whole world.

But...

is that enough to get
a man into Congress?

What does a beard stand for
in the minds of people?

Manhood. Virility.
Isn'’t that right?

Well, yes.

Look at all the great leaders
of history.

Bearded.
Every one of them.

The kings, the prophets,

the generals, the presidents.

Grover Cleveland.

A mere mustache.

But what do you expect
from a Democrat?
[ chuckles ]

You'’ll run on
the Republican ticket, Barney.

We'’ve got the campaign
all figured out.

[ claps hands ]

"Barnaby Taylor
for Congressman.

The candidate that represents
the strength of the West."

I like virility better.

I agree with Barney.

Stand up, Barney.

Magnificent.

If that doesn'’t
inspire confidence
in a constituent,

I don'’t know what will.

Oh, come now.
Gentlemen, gentlemen.

Then you will run, Barney?

Well, you really bearded me
in my den.

[ laughter ]

I accept the candidacy.

Now you'’re talking, Barney.

[ rings ]

[ gasps ]
Oh!

Good afternoon, young lady.
Is Miss Trent in?

Oh. Oh, yes, sir.
Won'’t you come in?

Thank you.

Oh.

She'’s right in there,
in the parlor.

May I take your hat?No.

Watch this.

Mr. Taylor.

Miss Trent.

Forgive my manners.

But I just wanted
to announce to you
that my hat'’s in the ring.

Mr. Taylor,
this is so sudden.

As United States Congressman
from this district

in the forthcoming elections.

Congressman. Oh.

GIRL:
Is that the same
as a senator?

MISS TRENT:
Run along, Cora.

And, uh, read over
the Constitution before supper.

Article One.Yes, Miss Trent.

Now, what is this
about Congress?

A delegation waited upon me
in my office this morning

and persuaded me
that it was my duty to run.

It'’s high time this district
had a representative
in Washington

who will really
put us on the map.

You'’re just the man
to do it.

You'’re able and honest and--

And I have virility.

To wit: think back over
the history of the world,
Miss Trent.

And what have
all the great leaders
had in common?

Beards.

Beards?

Kings, prophets,

generals, presidents.

Not George Washington.

Oh, well, that was in
the days of wigs.

When wigs came in,
beards went out,
and vice versa.

What does a beard signify
to most people, Miss Trent?

That you'’re a man.

A strong man, a virile man.

And that will be the keynote
of my campaign.

" A vote for Barney Taylor
is a virile vote."

I, uh, rather like
that alliteration, don'’t you?

"Virile vote"? It'’s an unusual platform.

Uh, my managers feel
that it'’s a very sound one.

I hope you'’re elected,
though we'’ll miss you here.

Miss Trent...

Frances, would you consider
accompanying me to Washington...

as my wife?Mr. Taylor!

It would make me
very proud and happy.

You honor me, Mr. Taylor.

Please. Barnaby.

But I'’m already wedded.

To my career.Oh. Is that all?

"All"? I'’ve spent years
building up this school.

Not easy-- a young ladies
seminary in the West.

I couldn'’t abandon it now.

Does that mean you'’re
never going to marry?

Oh, I wouldn'’t go so far
as to say that.

Perhaps someday.Then I can still hope?

There is no man for whom I have
a higher regard than yourself,
Mr. Taylor.

But I think you'’d
better just concentrate

on politics
for the time being.

It would be a great help to me
to have a wife of your charm

and intelligence by my side.

You have your beard.

The work
of the United States Congress

is man'’s work,
my friends,

so don'’t send a boy to do it![ slams hand down ]

Send a man.
A man of strength and vigor.

A man who will bring
to the tasks at hand

all the stamina and virility
that are associated
with the West.

The candidate
who stands before you

is such a man, my friends.

That should be plain
to every one of you.

On the face of it.
Ouch!

[ laughter ]

What'’s the idea, boy?

Just wanted to see
if it was real.

Well, you found out.

Now, is there anyone else
who'’d like to satisfy himself?

[ laughter ]

Yes, yes.
Step up, folks.

Prove to yourself
it'’s the real McCoy.

All wool,
and a yard long.

Yard? Why,
it'’s over four feet.

[ laughter ]

And still growing.

[ laughter ]

I thought he'’d be mad,
but he wasn'’t.

He invited anybody
who wanted to

to come up
and tweak his beard.

Cora, I hope you didn'’t.

Oh, I longed to,
Miss Trent.

It'’s so thick and curly.

But, no, I didn'’t.

Thank goodness, for the sake
of the school'’s reputation.

I wonder what it would be like
to be married to a man
with a beard like that.

The bell will ring
for study hour
in just a minute, Cora.

Be kissed by him... Cora!

Oh, yes, Miss Trent?A girl of 15 shouldn'’t
harbor such thoughts.

Or tarry on the street,
listening to campaign speeches.

Oh, it was
a wonderful speech.

All about manhood
and virility.

I wish you could'’ve heard it.I have, in this very room.

Don'’t you like Mr. Taylor?

Mr. Taylor is
a very estimable man,

but I think that beard of his
has gone to his head.

The campaign'’s
coming along fine,

but we mustn'’t let it
bog down now.

What we need
at this stage of the game

is something to give it
that final boost.

You'’ve got any ideas?We'’ve got a pipperino.

The greatest campaign stunt
ever pulled.

But it'’ll involve
a little travel.

That'’s all right with me.

It'’s time I got out
and stumped the whole district.

[ chuckles ]
We'’ll go farther than that.

How far?

By the time we get through,

you'’ll be
the best advertised candidate
in the United States.

The whole nation'’ll be betting
on your election.

That'’s very gratifying,

but you still haven'’t told me
the nature of this... stunt.

You leave that to us.

♪♪ [ calliope ]

Well, Barney,
I guess the time has come

to tell you why
we'’ve brought you here.

You'’ve just seen exhibits
from the four corners
of the earth.

The greatest collection
of marvels ever staged by man.

That'’s right.With one exception:

the longest beard
in the world.

And that'’s where
you come in.

You mean,
put myself on exhibition?

More than that.
Issue a challenge to all comers

to prove that your beard
is longer than
any other living man'’s.

Why, that'’s preposterous. Sure it is.

It'’s the greatest campaign stunt
in the history
of American politics.

Why, your picture will appear
in every newspaper
in the United States.

We'’ve alerted
the Associated Press.

You'’ll be famous
from coast to coast.

"Barnaby Taylor,
Candidate for Congress."

Barney, win this contest,
and you can run for president.

Yeah, but suppose
I didn'’t win it?

That'’s impossible.

Nobody in the world has a beard
as long as yours.

Still, we don'’t know
it'’s the longest.

Barney, do you, or do you not
want to be elected to Congress
on the 7th of November?

You know I do.Then stop this backing
and filling.

You'’ve got to win.

We'’ve already got a concession
here on the midway. Let'’s go.

♪♪ [ calliope ]

Ladies and gentlemen,
the beard of the claimant
to this title

measures four feet,
two and one-half inches,

certified before a notary.

[ cheering ]

All right.
Let'’s see the challengers.
One at a time.

[ soft chattering ]

[ jeering ]

[ laughs ]Hooray for Barney!

[ laughing ]

Next contestant, please.

[ murmuring ]

Three feet,
nine and a half inches.

[ laughter, chatter ]

Next.

[ laughter ]

Well, I'’ll be!

A bearded lady.

Hey, that'’s not fair.

It'’s a beard, ain't it?Yes, madam.

But...

it is only two feet,
11 and one-quarter inches.

[ laughter ]

Yay for Barney,
our new Congressman

from El Dorado District!

Barney![ cheering ]

Are there any more contestants?

[ chattering ]

Then, ladies and gentlemen,

I have the honor to announce

as holder to the title

of the Longest Beard
in the World--

Monsieur, wait a minute.
[ speaking French ]

Monsieur, s'’il vous plaît.

Who are you?Henri Charpaud...

the man who has
the longest beard in the world.

[ people exclaiming ]

You have heard
of Charpaud'’s Elixir
for the hair, no?

Here'’s the result.
Magnifique.

[ murmuring ]

We will measure.

Three feet, nine,

ten,

11.

Four feet.

Four feet, one inch.

Four feet, two inches.

Four feet,
two and a quarter inches.

Four feet,
two and a half inches.

Exactly the same length
as yours.

The Frenchman'’s beard,
ladies and gentlemen,

measures four feet,
two and three-quarter inches.

The winner by a hair! [ applause ]

Vive la France!

[ applause continues ]

"Barnaby Taylor, candidate
for Congress from El Dorado,

"tripped on
his much-vaunted beard

"and went down to defeat
in a hair-raising contest

at the Chicago World'’s Fair."

These smart aleck reporters.

"The politicos
are now predicting

that Barney will take it
again on the chin at election."

What does that mean?

That he'’ll be defeated.

Just because his beard
is a quarter of an inch shorter

than some Frenchman'’s?

Because it was a silly platform
to run on in the first place.

But I do feel sorry for him.

Oh, I wish I was a man,
so I could vote for him.

If you were 21,
you could vote anyway.

I could?In this state.

It'’s one of the very few states
where women can vote.
This year, for the first time.

Oh, dear.
But I'’m only 15.

And Election Day
is getting close.

It says here
that his platform was nothing
but a hair mattress.

Will you deliver this note
to Mr. Taylor, please, Cora?

Me? Oh, yes, Miss Trent!

At his office.Yes, ma'’am.

Everybody'’s laughing at me,
pointing the finger
of derision.

I can never show my face
in public again.

You never have shown it.

I'’m gonna have to move away.

What do you mean?

Do you want my advice,
Barney?

Well, yes.

Cut it off.

Cut it off?

Clean. Come right out
in the open and let people see
what you really look like.

I couldn'’t!Why not?

Well, it'’d be admitting
total defeat. This--

This beard is the badge
of my campaign.

It'’s the appeal
to the virile vote.

Change your slogan
to "A clean sweep for Barney."

Now you'’re mocking me.No.

I wanna help you. Truly.

I could never get elected
without this beard.

Well, it'’s worth trying.

Don'’t you dare!

Barney, you remember the day
you sat here in this room
and asked me to marry you?

Yes. And you rejected me,

just as the voters
will reject me on November 7.

You shave off your beard,
and I'’ll say yes.

Miss Trent. Frances.

Is it a bargain?

You mean shave it off,
entirely?

Well, if you can'’t have
the longest beard in the world,
why have any?

I could never grow
another one like this.

Not at my age.

Well, of course,
if you prefer the beard to me.

You wouldn'’t settle
for a Van Dyke?

Not even a mustache.

You...

You Delilah!

[ door closes ]

[ sighs ]

[ grunts ]

[ sighs ]

[ chattering ]

Well, at least he'’ll get
two votes-- yours and mine.

Yeah. I wouldn'’t give you
a nickel for his chances.

What time is it?Oh.

8:25. Too early
to learn the returns.

How much easier
to look at your watch

than when you had to go
rummaging through your beard?[ chuckles ]

Well, I still feel
rather exposed
without the beard.

You look 20 years younger,
and very handsome.

Frances. And another thing.

You'’re not nearly so pompous.

Was I pompous? Insufferably.

Well, I have nothing
to be pompous about now.

Except, of course,
the one factor.

The one bright light
in my life at this moment.[ sneezes ]

Who'’s that?

Oh, excuse me.

I just wondered
if you'’d heard yet
how the election came out.

Not yet. You should be

at campaign headquarters
when the results are announced.

I already know the answer.

I'’ll go with you.

Oh, can I go too?

Please?

Mm, if she wants
to join the mourners.

Oh, goody.
I'’ll get my things.

[ clock ticking ]

What happened to the mirror
that was on this wall?

BARNABY:
I took it down.

[ ticking continues ]

I don'’t know why
it has to take them so long.

There was a record turnout
this year, I understand,

with women voting
for the first time.

Oh, those suffragettes. Yes.

They'’ve got the results!
It was a landslide!

There he is!Congratulations, Barney.

[ men chattering ] Our next Congressman,
gentlemen.

And, ladies,

it was the women'’s vote
that swing it.

Well, what do you know
about that!

[ chattering continues ]

You'’re gonna do fine
up there in Washington.

Frances, you'’re the only person
who hasn'’t seemed surprised.

I knew you'’d be elected.[ chuckles ]

Bless you
for your faith in me.

It was more my faith in women.How do you mean?

I figured if I liked you better
without that beard,
so would they.

It was a fabulous beard.

It was pretentious, unsanitary,
and scratchy, I'’m sure.

So that'’s why
you had me shave it off--
to get more votes.

You were taking
a long chance, my dear.

The longest chance
in the world.

After that story, I wonder...

Do you think if I
shaved off this muff,

I'’d get more customers
among the ladies?
[ chuckling ]

♪♪ [ trumpet ]