All language subtitles for Death.Valley.Days.S04E17.Bill.Bottles.Birthday.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-bigworm_track3_[eng]

THE OLD RANGER:
And now,

Death Valley Days.

♪♪ [ trumpet ]

Howdy, folks.

I'’m the Old Ranger,

and I have
another interesting,

true story for you

about the historic
Death Valley country.

Have you ever met anybody
by the name of Bottle?

B-O-T-T-L-E?

Well, you'’re about to.

William C. Bottle,

known familiarly as "Bill"
to his friends

in the mining camp of Darwin
near Death Valley.

You'’re going to meet him,
and a raft of his relatives,

on the occasion of...

And this is the young lady
whose name

Bill would like to change
to Mrs. Bottle,

if he could just get
up his courage to ask her.

[ knock on door ]

Bill!

I happened to be
passing by

and thought
I'’d say howdy.

Well, come in.

It'’s all right
in my digging clothes?

Oh, I only draw the line
at burros.

I was just tidying
up my accounts.

You know, I always said
the first year I made

$2500, clear, that is,
I'’d change my sign

from "dressmaker"
to "modiste."

But, I don'’t know.

You think that sounds
kind of high-falutin'’, Bill?

Have you really cleared
that much this year?

Gosh.

That'’s four times
what I'’ve earned.

MISS DALY:
With you it'’s different.

A prospector doesn'’t
have steady business.

I'’ll say he don't.

That'’s why most of 'em
stay single.

There'’s always a chance
of striking it rich.

And when that happens,
the world'’ll be your oyster.

I don'’t care much
for oysters.

Well, whatever it is
you want, you'’ll get it.

Provided some other man
ain'’t already grabbed her.

Oh.

So that'’s it.

I'’m 35 years old,
I'’ve got a birthday

coming up
in a couple of months,

and if I'’m ever
gonna get married,

it should be now.

But...

I just gotta have
something to offer a wife.

Money isn'’t everything, Bill.

Depends on who'’s got it.

I'’m sure a girl
would wait for you.

If she knew you loved her.

She don'’t.Why don'’t you tell her?

The way things are,
it just ain'’t feasible.

Well, I just dropped in
to say howdy.

Oh, stay, Bill, and
let me make you some coffee.

I'’m heading
out again tomorrow,

I gotta start
packing my outfit.

Madge--

Madge Daly, you fool.

Bragging about
how much you made.

He was all set
to propose.

Eloise!

We'’ve struck it!

Paydirt, old girl!

Bill Bottle'’s
hit it at last!

MAN:
Hey, Bill.

What'’s this I hear
about you being in the chips?

Yes, that'’s right.
I sold my claim

to a San Francisco
syndicate for cash.

How much?
Uh, not that I'’m curious.

$100,000.

$100,000?

Baron Rothschild, himself!

I might even take
a trip to Europe

to meet the old boy,
who knows?

Anything'’s possible now.

Madge!

MADGE:
Bill!

Why, I-- I hardly
recognized you,

you look so grand.

Oh, this.

Just a ready-made suit
I picked up in '’Frisco.

The tailor-mades
are being shipped down.

Uh, be seeing
you later, Bill.

Oh, at the Shoo-Fly?
I'’m setting 'em up.

Oh, fine.

So your dream
has come true, Bill.

Yes, I'’m sitting right
on top of the heap.

Bank balance
of six figures,

and like somebody once said,
"the world is my oyster."

It was I who said it.

And you know
the first thing I did

after I closed the deal?

Went over
to the Poodle Dog Café

and ordered me two dozen
of '’em on a half shell.

Oysters!Bill, I--

I thought you
didn'’t like oysters.

And what do I find
in one of them but a pearl.

Just goes to show you.

BILL:
Them as has, gits.

And now, I suppose,
the next thing you plan to do--

BILL:
Celebrate!

The boys are waiting
inside there now.

Oh.

Otherwise, I'’d be happy
to see you home.

BILL:
Well, don'’t work
too hard, now.

[ chatter ]

Here! Quiet, quiet.

To Bill Bottle,
the greatest guy

in the seven deserts.

To man'’s best friend,
a Bottle.

[ laughter ]

♪♪ [ piano ]

Where'’d you get
that name, Bill?

My folks,
of course.

Didn'’t know you
had any folks.

[ chuckling ]What'’d you think,
the stork brought me?

Hid me under
a cabbage leaf?

[ scoffs ]
Sure, I got folks.

He was a Bottle baby.

[ laughter ]

I haven'’t seen any of them
since I was a kid.

Father and mother both died.

Left home when I was only 12.

Just a half-pint Bottle, eh?

[ laughter ]

I don'’t see anything
so funny in the name Bottle.

Bottle is an ancient
and honorable name.

I'’m proud of it.

And they all ought to be
proud of you, Bill.

Hey, to Bill'’s birthday!

Cheers!

Hey, six weeks
off yet.

You'’ll throw a big party!

Yeah.

Yeah!

That I will.

A family party.

I'’ll round up
all my relatives.

Where are they?

I don'’t know. All over.

How would you locate '’em?

Put a notice in the paper.

What paper?

All the big city papers.

'’Frisco, Denver,
Chicago, New York,

Washington D.C.

You think there might
be a Bottle in the Senate?

[ laughter ]

There might.

The Bottles are
a fine old family.

Make no mistake
about that.

I'’ll invite 'em all
to come here to Darwin
at my expense.

Take over the Bonanza Hotel
lock, stock, and barrel.

I can afford it.

[ scoffs ]
Be a joke on you

if none of '’em showed up.

They'’ll come, you wait and see.

To the Bottle
family reunion.

To the Bottles!

[ knock on door ]

Good evening.

Oh. It'’s you, Mr. Crispin.

Well, who were
you expecting?

My wife told me to come by
and pick up her new dress.

I'’m just taking
out the last bastings

and it'’s all ready.

Are they
still celebrating?

No, party broke up.

Bill had to go home
and write a notice

for the newspapers.What notice?

He'’s planning a big
blowout on his birthday.

October the 19th.

Yeah, but you'’re
not invited

and neither am I.

Nobody in Darwin'’s invited.

This is gonna be
strictly en famille.

What do you mean?

Bill'’s putting a notice in all

the leading newspapers
in the USA

inviting all his relatives,
anybody by the name of Bottle,

to come to Darwin
at his expense.

And he'’s gonna
put '’em up at the hotel.

Then he'’s gonna throw a real
ring-ding-bang of a banquet

with champagne
and everything.

What do you think of that?

Why...

it really takes
my breath away.

Well, I'’ll tell you
what I think

and what the rest
of the boys think.

We think that
Mr. William C. Bottle

has suddenly got himself
a bit of a big head

since he came
into that $100,000.

His old friends aren'’t
good enough anymore

to celebrate
his birthday with.

He'’s gotta go dig up his
long-lost fancy relatives.

Are they fancy?

There was a Bottle
came over on the Mayflower,

there'’s Boston
Back Bay Bottles,

Philadelphia Bottles,
Virginia Bottles.

I had no idea he
was so well connected.

Well, he kept it kind
of dark while he was poor.

But now he wants
to show off.

Well, I-- I suppose
it'’s only natural.

I mean,
blood is thicker than water.

He don'’t have to be
so blamed exclusive.

Here'’s your wife's dress.

Yeah, after all,
money isn'’t everything.

It all depends
on who'’s got it...

as someone once remarked.

This is a surprise.

I-I was beginning to think
I'’d never see you again.

Well, I'’ve been so busy
the past few days.I know.

Oh, you'’ve heard
about my birthday party?

It'’s the talk of the town.

I put a notice
in all these papers.

You'’ll be swamped.

Oh, no, Bottle
isn'’t so common.

Not like Smith or Jones.

Or Daly.Yeah.

Well, what I mean is--

How do you know a lot
of Smiths and Joneses,

and Dalys, won'’t
read this notice

and pass themselves
off as Bottles?

Oh, they'’ve got to produce
evidence they'’re related.

Copy of the family crest?Or something.

Now you'’re
making fun of me.

Oh, no.
Indeed I'’m not.

I think the whole thing
is perfectly wonderful, Bill.

It'’s a lot of relatives
I'’ll be meeting all at once.

I'’m counting on you
to help me out.Me?

I want you
to receive with me.

Sit beside me
at the head of the table.

Oh, but I thought
this was to be strictly

a family affair.It is.

All Bottles.

By birth or by marriage.

Bill.

Will you, Madge?

Are you, by any chance,
proposing to me?

I know it'’s kinda sudden.

Sudden? After two years?

But I thought, with
this big party coming off

and all these
guests arriving,

a man in my position
needs a wife.

It would be
a convenience.

Sure would,
I just gotta get me one.

I didn'’t mean it that way.

Gosh, I'’m making
a botch of this.

I think you are.

Madge, I love you.

BILL:
Ever since I first saw you.

Do you want me to get down
on my knees and ask you?

No, don'’t!

Ow! MADGE:
There'’s pins on the floor.

You'’re right.

Madge, will you marry me?

Maybe I'’d better wait
till I'’ve met your family.

Oh, they'’ll like you.You think so?

And I can
tell you one thing.

There won'’t be
a better-dressed woman
among '’em.

Even if you do
make your own clothes.

Give me a little
more time, Bill,

to think it over.

Well, all right.

But don'’t take
too long about it,

the 19th isn'’t
so far off.

And by now, that notice
is already in the hands

of some of my relatives.

I'’ve had 17 acceptances
so far, from all over
the United States.

Well, we can take care
of as many as come.

Pack '’em in.No three in a bed, now.

Not the Bottles,
they'’re used to the best.

And I want clean sheets.You'’ll have 'em.

The banquet will be
on the night of the 19th.

Six courses.

I understand Delmonico'’s
in New York serves ten.

With toothpicks
it'’ll be seven.

Well, all right.

Champagne'’s been ordered.

It'’ll really flow.

You want brandy
for the gentlemen?

And cigars,
the fifty cent kind.

I guess that'’s
all for now.

I'’ll keep you posted
with the numbers.

Just one regret so far,
from a cousin in Oregon.

He'’s got an appointment
on that date that just

can'’t be broken unless
the Governor sees fit.The Governor?

Oh, the Bottles move
in high society, believe me.

Just look at some
of these credentials.

Here'’s one from...

Ambrose Bottle,
one of the Washington Bottles.

This is his estate.

MADGE:
Why, it must
take a dozen gardeners

And he says this is only
his summer home.

Here'’s another picture.
You recognize him?

A racehorse?

Ran in the Kentucky Derby
last year.

And who'’s that holding him?
Sylvester Bottle.

Some of these aren'’t
so interesting,

just diagrams
of the family tree

proving relationship.

But here'’s one...

MADGE:
"The Tabor Grand Opera House."

Denver.

You have an opera singer
in the family?

Her name is Crystal.

Crystal Bottle.

How pretty.

I'’m hoping she'll sing
for us at the banquet.

Madge, you and I will be
travelling in fast company.

Bill, I...

I'’m not coming
to the banquet.

BILL:
Oh, no, Madge.

No, I mean it.

I'’m honored
that you asked me

out of all
the folks in Darwin.

You'’re the only one
I care about.

I'’m sorry.

You don'’t have
to make up your mind

now about marrying me, Madge.

You can wait
till later.

But, come to the dinner,
anyway, just as a...

as my guest, please.

I wouldn'’t belong.
the company'’s too fast for me.

A mining camp dressmaker,
I'’d be a fish out of water.

MADGE:
It'’s your family, Bill.

And I don'’t blame you
for bragging about them.

But, you entertain them. Alone.

So, this is the great day
when the clan gathers.

That'’s right.

Where'’s the red carpet?

Here comes the stage.

Henry, stand back.
All of you.

What'’s the matter,
can'’t we breathe the same air?

Mr. William C. Bottle?Yes?

I'’m your cousin, Ambrose,
from our nation'’s capitol.

CRISPIN:
The senator?

[ laughter ]

Welcome to Darwin.

Thank you. Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.

[ gasps, whistling ]

You ain'’t seen
nothing yet.

[ laughter ]

Mr. Bottle, I presume.

Yes.

I'’m your little cousin, Crystal.

From Denver.

The Rocky Mountain Canary.

You go to blazes.

[ laughter ]

[ chuckles ]

Charmed to be here.

♪♪ [bugle: "Call to Post"]

Mr. Bottle?

MAN:
It'’s a pleasure.

Sylvester Bottle.

From the Cavanaugh
Stud Farm.

Did you ever see such
a collection in your life?

Deadbeats and floozies.

[ giggling ]

Look, a Chinaman.

You Mr. Bottle, William?Yes.

Me Mr. Bottle, Thomas.

What?

Very proud to meet you.

Are you sure?

"Thomas Y. Bottle."

"Knob Hill, San Francisco."

CRISPIN:
A Chinese Bottle!

[ laughter ]

Me make mistake?

[ laughter ]

No mistake.

You'’re very welcome, Thomas.Thank you.

I'’m sure you must all
be tired after your journey.

BILL:
Won'’t you step inside
and make yourselves at home?

It isn'’t commonly known,
but the President comes to me,

quite often,
for advice.

Very good food.

Beg your pardon, sir.

SYLVESTER:
Oh, that'’s all right.

You should come to Denver
sometime, cousin Bill.

[ everyone oohs and aahs ]

That'’s for me.
That'’s what I like.Oh, it'’s lovely.

♪♪ [ Singing "For He'’s
a Jolly Good Fellow" ]

[ all shouting "speech" ]

This is the first
birthday party I'’ve spent

with any of my family
since I was a kid.

I know we all get
homesick, now and then,

for our own
flesh and blood.

That'’s why
I asked you here.

I certainly appreciate
your coming here.

BILL:
I hope you'’ve enjoyed yourself.

I'’d like to propose a toast.

To the Bottle Family.

Wherever they are,
whoever they are.

My friends.

This food, tonight,
should have choked me.

AMBROSE:
This liquor should
have strangled me.

For I have no right
to be here.

I am not a Bottle.

AMBROSE:
I am a faker. An imposter.

A pretender.

A humbug.

I invented my genealogy.

AMBROSE:
Forged my credential

and had every intention
to take further advantage

of my host,

who I regarded as a sucker.

But, my friends, I was wrong.

Bill Bottle
is a thoroughbred.

One of nature'’s noblemen.

And if I had any wish
in this world tonight,

it would be that I could
claim relationship to him.

[ all cheer ]

Happy Birthday!

I'’d like to say something

before anyone yells,
"Get the hook."

I wanna say that this is
the most wonderful party
I ever attended.

CRYSTAL: I'’ve had it
pretty rough all my life.

Been kicked around plenty.

But this is the first time
I can remember

when I was made to feel
as good as anybody.

A regular lady.

I wish I...well, I wish
I didn'’t ever have to go back.

I'’m a fake, too.

Please...

Thomas Y. Bottle
make speech too.

Me no born Thomas Y. Bottle.

THOMAS:
Me houseboy
for Mr. Thomas Y. Bottle.

Take his name.

Mr. Thomas Y. Bottle president
of Bank San Francisco.

Live in big house Knob Hill.

Own horses, carriages,
steam yacht.

Wife with diamonds
and sealskin coat.

Thomas Y. Bottle great man.

But not so great
as our Mr. Bottle.

Our Mr. Bottle have something
greatest of all.

A great heart.

ALL:
Hooray!

ALL:
Hooray!

Blow out the candles
on your cake, Bill.

Make a wish.

[ all agree ]

♪♪ [ Singing "For He'’s
a Jolly Good Fellow" ]

Well, where are you heading?

Out.

Quitting town, eh?

Well, I should think
you would.

The laughingstock
of Darwin.

You know, if I were you,
the next town I settled in

I'’d change my name.

News travels fast
[ cackles ]

Oh, Bill!

[ Madge yells, thud ]

[ moans ]

My ankle,
I twisted it.

Here, let me help
you into the store.

Oh, no, I'’d rather
go home.

If you just give me an arm

I think I can hobble
that far.

You don'’t think
it'’s broken?

No, just a bad sprain.

I'’ll go get the doctor.

MADGE:
Oh, Bill, no.

You really ought
to have it bandaged

before it starts swelling.

Wait!

But his office
is right on my way,

I can send him back.

Bill, please!

Madge?

Your ankle.

There'’s nothing the matter
with my ankle.

I only pretended.

I just wanted
a chance to see you.

Why? Rub it in?

Bill, last time
you were in this room

you asked me
to marry you.And you were smart.

You said "you'’d better wait
until you'’d seen my relatives."

And now I'’ve seen them.

Lucky escape for you,
all right.

You mean the offer
doesn'’t hold anymore?

Madge, I know I acted
like a fool about my relatives.

Until they
actually turned up.

Then you were magnificent."Magnificent?"

Oh, Bill, I was
so proud of you.

You received them
as though you were

really glad to see them.

You made them welcome.

Well, gosh,
I'’d invited them.

That'’s just what I mean.

I'’m not apologizing
for them now.

They were a funny
lot, I grant you.

Like all relatives.

But most of them were
better than they looked.

I'’m sorry, now, I didn't
get a chance to meet them.

My future in-laws.

Madge. Madge!
You mean--

Do I have to get down
on my knees and ask you?

There are pins
on the floor.

You'’re willing
to become a Bottle?

As long as it'’s
Mrs. William C. Bottle.

You'’re the only one
that matters, darling.

How soon will you
marry me?

Oh, right away.

Before you see
any of my relatives.

And the moral
of this story is,

the Lord gave us
our relatives,

but thank the Lord
we can choose our own wives...

and husbands.