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1
00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:15,120
Fxx presents
2
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:16,890
you're the worst.
3
00:00:21,970 --> 00:00:25,510
Oh, god. Oh, shit!
4
00:00:25,540 --> 00:00:27,750
Uh-huh.
5
00:00:27,770 --> 00:00:29,640
I'm gonna come! I'm gonna come!
6
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,080
Um... I'm gonna come.
7
00:00:31,110 --> 00:00:32,580
Why do you always announce it?
8
00:00:32,610 --> 00:00:34,740
What? You always announce it.
9
00:00:34,780 --> 00:00:36,410
I do? Always.
10
00:00:36,450 --> 00:00:37,496
I don't know.
I guess I just want
11
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:38,860
everyone to be clear that, uh...
12
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,250
That this is Gretchen's moment.
Yeah.
13
00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:43,030
Gretchen has the floor.
14
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,090
Oh, yeah. Oh, shit.
Oh. Oh, yeah!
15
00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:51,590
I'm gonna... No! Wait.
16
00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:53,160
Jesus. What?
17
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,500
Gretchen has the floor!
18
00:00:54,530 --> 00:00:55,800
I don't know what to tell you.
19
00:00:55,830 --> 00:00:58,170
We can, you know, both.
20
00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,670
Like, at the same time?
21
00:00:59,710 --> 00:01:01,880
Why not? I don't know.
22
00:01:02,870 --> 00:01:03,870
Will it be scary?
23
00:01:03,910 --> 00:01:05,940
I don't know. It might.
24
00:01:05,980 --> 00:01:08,050
Wait, I can't... I can't stop it.
Oh, me neither.
25
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,450
I can't stop it. Here I...
26
00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:23,370
You were so quiet.
27
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,300
You had the floor.
28
00:01:25,330 --> 00:01:26,560
Aw.
29
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,370
♪
30
00:01:35,540 --> 00:01:38,340
♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway
31
00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:41,150
♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
32
00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:44,410
♪ Gonna leave you anyway.
33
00:01:50,620 --> 00:01:52,090
Ow!
34
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:53,420
Oh, stop.
35
00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:55,160
It's a soft case.
36
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,870
I'm gonna take a shower.
37
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:02,370
Might take a second.
I'm gonna wash my legs.
38
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,530
You mean shave your legs? No.
39
00:02:04,570 --> 00:02:06,870
I'm sorry?
40
00:02:06,910 --> 00:02:10,220
Implying that you don't
usually wash your legs?
41
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:11,410
No.
42
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:12,610
You don't wash your legs?
43
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,680
No way. What am I, a sucker?
44
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:17,610
What, you take showers,
and you don't wash your legs?
45
00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:21,380
What am I gonna do, like,
bend down and wash my legs?
46
00:02:21,420 --> 00:02:22,790
Who has the time?
47
00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:26,720
Yesterday, you spent
two hours drawing a maze.
48
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,760
Yeah. And how do you think I had
time to draw that sick-ass maze?
49
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,700
No wonder you haven't
finished your book, jimbo.
50
00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:33,860
Too busy washing your legs.
51
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:37,370
Yeah, it's book proposal.
And it's nearly done.
52
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,470
Hey, I forgot to mention!
53
00:02:39,510 --> 00:02:42,150
Sam and the boys are having a
big secret reunion show tonight.
54
00:02:42,170 --> 00:02:43,910
You want to come? Nope.
55
00:02:43,940 --> 00:02:45,140
It's a really important night.
56
00:02:46,110 --> 00:02:48,210
Free booze. Yeah, I'll be there.
57
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:50,160
Mm. Love you.
58
00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:55,230
What did you say?
59
00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,450
Oh, my god, are you serious?
60
00:02:57,490 --> 00:02:59,220
W-we said it.
61
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:02,500
No way! I didn't say it!
62
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:04,260
Uh, the night of Becca
and Vernon's party.
63
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:06,670
We both said...
You said it first!
64
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,560
I was blackout drunk!
65
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,246
Why would you take anything I
said seriously? I seriously think
66
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:12,516
that you may have a drinking problem.
I don't have a problem.
67
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,686
You know what, I'm not gonna let
this bother me. Maybe you have
68
00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:17,620
a "believing things
drunk people say" problem.
69
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:21,240
I told you, from the beginning,
I don't believe in it.
70
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,610
But you said it.
I might also have said
71
00:03:23,650 --> 00:03:25,980
that I don't have an opinion
on your pubic hair,
72
00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:27,840
or that I was gonna help
Edgar with his résumé.
73
00:03:27,850 --> 00:03:29,180
Doesn't make them true.
74
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,270
Babe.
75
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,540
Babe?
76
00:03:46,570 --> 00:03:48,370
Dude with his face
in my business.
77
00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:51,020
Uh, what's the matter?
78
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:54,480
Just, um, you've been doing that
for, like, a half hour.
79
00:03:54,510 --> 00:03:57,350
Uh, uh, attention to detail.
It's an army thing...
80
00:03:57,380 --> 00:03:58,980
When are you gonna
do me already?
81
00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:02,700
I like making you feel good.
82
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,320
Is this your way of apologizing
83
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,470
for backing out of
moving in together?
84
00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:08,660
If so, forgiven.
85
00:04:08,690 --> 00:04:11,830
Anyway, who am I
to look a gift... whore?
86
00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:14,000
Gift head?
Gift mouth in the mouth.
87
00:04:14,030 --> 00:04:15,500
There it is.
88
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,100
Okay.
89
00:04:25,410 --> 00:04:27,810
For Mary,
it was one argument too many.
90
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,350
Lindsay!
91
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,890
Lindsay, come out here!
92
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,180
Your mother cannot stay indef...
93
00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:40,200
Oh. Okay, let me go put on
my biking spanx.
94
00:04:40,230 --> 00:04:43,440
No, honey. You don't understand.
95
00:04:50,470 --> 00:04:53,170
Being back in this house,
I realized
96
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,340
I created a life apart from you.
97
00:04:55,370 --> 00:04:57,210
All my hobbies,
98
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,720
my Internet activity,
my secret bank account...
99
00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:00,010
Your what now?
100
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:03,790
All these separate things
created malignant distance
101
00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:07,090
between us.
102
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,790
You're throwing away
all your nerd stuff?
103
00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:13,060
From this moment on,
my sole focus
104
00:05:13,090 --> 00:05:16,460
will be on things
we can do together.
105
00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:23,540
Ah-ah-ah.
106
00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:25,800
I have a very special evening
planned.
107
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:27,950
My special night? Tonight,
108
00:05:27,970 --> 00:05:30,370
we launch our life,
truly together.
109
00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:32,210
As a family.
110
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,280
Family.
111
00:05:34,310 --> 00:05:36,750
♪
112
00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:49,990
Breakfast...
113
00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:51,330
Tots.
114
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,560
This is completely...
115
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,000
Brilliant.
116
00:05:56,030 --> 00:05:58,830
Why have you just thought
of these now?
117
00:05:58,870 --> 00:06:01,070
I'm more creative
when I'm upset.
118
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,550
Oh.
119
00:06:05,610 --> 00:06:07,240
I have a problem.
120
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:10,280
Mm. Having a problem is
your defining characteristic.
121
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:14,190
No, I have a real problem. Um...
122
00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:17,190
Ever since they switched
some of my meds, I've been...
123
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:18,990
Having a little trouble
in the bedroom.
124
00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:21,660
What, night screamings?
Sleep-to-rage?
125
00:06:21,690 --> 00:06:23,860
Waking up thinking,
"why am I here?
126
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,170
Oh, right. Yeah,
I'm freeloading off Jimmy."
127
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,970
No. Bed-room.
128
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:33,310
Oh, my god! Jesus, man.
Are you serious?
129
00:06:33,340 --> 00:06:35,300
It's not like nothing happens,
130
00:06:35,340 --> 00:06:37,610
but more like it
starts to happen,
131
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,010
then it gets halfway
there and is like...
132
00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:42,050
"Nope, I'm going back to bed."
133
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:46,050
I've gone years now successfully
never picturing your penis.
134
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,880
And now... there it is.
135
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,490
Just maybe try to...
136
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,390
Kink it back into
working order, huh?
137
00:06:55,430 --> 00:06:58,140
What have you two tried? Latex?
138
00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,360
Smooshing?
139
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:00,910
Medical play? Size training?
140
00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:02,460
Cfnm? Funneling?
141
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:03,470
Hazyface?
142
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:04,630
Clit negging? Ladyboy?
143
00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:07,400
Nothing. Just regular.
144
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:10,640
Well, then your penis
is clearly bored to death.
145
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,320
Just try something.
146
00:07:12,340 --> 00:07:14,140
Maybe start with some light
147
00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:15,640
role-playing.
148
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,196
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna try
149
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:20,190
and finish my breakfast without
thinking about your penis.
150
00:07:20,220 --> 00:07:22,220
Béchamel? Uh, I'm done.
151
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,160
One, two, three.
I already have...
152
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,660
Mm?
153
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,100
Okay.
154
00:07:38,270 --> 00:07:40,700
Let's do lemon drops next.
155
00:07:40,740 --> 00:07:42,000
Don't you have work?
156
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,510
Have you seen what I do?
157
00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:45,510
Now that you mention it,
I've never known.
158
00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:48,510
How does it work?
Like, with Sam. Who pays you?
159
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:50,290
The company for which I work.
160
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,560
A company hired you?
161
00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:56,080
They interviewed you
and then offered you a job?
162
00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:02,120
Ooh, let's try cosmos
next, like ladies.
163
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,560
Cosmos.
164
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,370
Why are you asking me questions?
165
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,310
It's just funny.
166
00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:09,300
With this
insane revelation that,
167
00:08:09,330 --> 00:08:12,100
for some reason,
you don't wash your legs.
168
00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:13,650
No need. Water falls on them.
169
00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:14,940
Oh, my god.
170
00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:17,210
Anyway, had you not
said anything,
171
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,570
I might have never known
this fact.
172
00:08:19,610 --> 00:08:21,280
So? Chug.
173
00:08:21,310 --> 00:08:25,050
So? The unknowable
is terrifying, Gretchen.
174
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,720
That's why humanity explores.
175
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:29,550
To shine a light
176
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:32,060
on the frightening dark
that surrounds us.
177
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:35,720
Thus, immediately upon learning
that you don't wash your legs...
178
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,630
Itself unimportant...
179
00:08:37,660 --> 00:08:42,060
What else don't I know?
180
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,770
About me? Ooh, okay.
181
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,000
Um, I dated two of the baldwins.
182
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,970
I competed in the U.S. teen
nationals for show jumping.
183
00:08:51,010 --> 00:08:52,910
In horsery? Yes, horsery.
184
00:08:52,940 --> 00:08:53,840
For ten months,
185
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:54,940
I did ink work
186
00:08:54,980 --> 00:08:55,940
for a professional
counterfeiter.
187
00:08:55,980 --> 00:08:58,010
I've never eaten a blueberry.
188
00:08:58,050 --> 00:09:00,080
They are doll eyes.
Think about it.
189
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,120
Drink.
190
00:09:03,150 --> 00:09:05,420
How do I not know any of this?
191
00:09:06,620 --> 00:09:08,260
I can't do a cartwheel.
192
00:09:08,290 --> 00:09:09,930
An owl tried to kill
me at Bible camp.
193
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,330
What? Big sumbitch.
194
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,200
Sluiced right through
the night air,
195
00:09:13,230 --> 00:09:15,600
silent as shit.
196
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:17,180
I think there's still a scar if you want...
No, no, no, no.
197
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,500
What kind of camp did you say?
198
00:09:18,540 --> 00:09:20,550
Bible camp. See,
my real problem is
199
00:09:20,570 --> 00:09:22,716
I was wearing a headband with
a cute little mouse on it.
200
00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:24,370
Gretchen, are you religious?
201
00:09:24,410 --> 00:09:26,040
No!
202
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,250
I consider myself
more generally spiritual.
203
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,680
Drink.
204
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,120
Whew! I am hammered!
205
00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:38,120
Are you hammered?
206
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,870
You're the best.
207
00:09:39,890 --> 00:09:41,690
I'm so glad you're my boyfriend.
208
00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:44,370
Mm. Look, I know we
weren't gonna say it,
209
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,640
but... screw it.
210
00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:48,500
I love you, Jimmy.
211
00:09:48,530 --> 00:09:50,370
I love you. I knew it.
212
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,670
Psyche! Nice try, dummy.
213
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:52,970
I've had five shots.
214
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,540
I could fly a plane
after five shots. Bye.
215
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,640
He doesn't remember saying it.
Little punk-ass bitch.
216
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,410
I've done tons of stuff
drunk, and it all counts:
217
00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:07,320
My wedding, driving school,
218
00:10:07,350 --> 00:10:09,050
all my dentist appointments.
219
00:10:09,090 --> 00:10:12,500
Getting vag-fected by Paul's
wriggly little jizz monsters?
220
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,160
Ow! No! Ow!
221
00:10:14,190 --> 00:10:15,890
Don't pinch me!
We are having this baby!
222
00:10:15,930 --> 00:10:17,540
It's a fresh start. Stop!
223
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:18,390
You bitch! Quit it!
224
00:10:18,430 --> 00:10:20,400
Stop it!
225
00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:22,160
We're supposed to be
having a meeting
226
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,500
about the secret
reunion show tonight.
227
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,680
You're early.
228
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:26,740
It's still my lunch hour.
229
00:10:28,970 --> 00:10:30,410
I will eat those later.
230
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:31,640
You're not having this baby.
231
00:10:33,980 --> 00:10:37,580
Unfortunately, being keenly
in tune with the human condition
232
00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:39,390
means that after hearing
this idiotic shit
233
00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:40,860
for the past ten minutes,
234
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,560
I have thoughts. Bitch,
235
00:10:42,590 --> 00:10:43,960
he does not love you.
236
00:10:43,990 --> 00:10:45,090
Oh, goddamn it!
237
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,090
When you say
238
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,560
"I love you,"
239
00:10:47,590 --> 00:10:50,730
it's supposed to be
romantic and/or highly
240
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,060
sexual.
241
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:53,470
Or when you're so overwhelmed
242
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:54,910
by what perfection
is in front of you...
243
00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:57,300
If you say the word
"jaclyn" one more time,
244
00:10:57,340 --> 00:10:59,710
I will gag you with that
raggedy-ass bandanna!
245
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,250
I've never loved anyone.
246
00:11:01,270 --> 00:11:03,450
I guess it's because I never
felt worthy of love in return.
247
00:11:03,470 --> 00:11:07,240
Be the ceo of your own life,
gretch.
248
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,040
Don't wait for no one
to say it to you.
249
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,910
Every morning in the mirror,
I purse my pillow lips up
250
00:11:11,950 --> 00:11:14,650
and stare into my apple juice
eyes, and I be like,
251
00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:16,390
"I love you.
252
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:18,720
"I love you, Sam.
253
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,730
I love you!"
254
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,330
"Apple juice eyes"?
255
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,490
Don't be trying to play
like they ain't rich,
256
00:11:25,530 --> 00:11:27,230
delicious, apple juice.
257
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,470
That's why no one loves you.
258
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,730
Anyway, dudes don't
say it with words,
259
00:11:32,770 --> 00:11:34,040
they say it with actions.
260
00:11:35,210 --> 00:11:36,950
Other bitch, get out of here.
261
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,740
We got to talk about the show.
262
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:42,440
I am all over it, Sam.
263
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,110
I have a press release
ready to go.
264
00:11:44,150 --> 00:11:45,210
It's a secret show!
265
00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:47,290
No press release.
266
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:48,820
No industry whispers.
267
00:11:48,850 --> 00:11:53,020
Um... then how will
people find out about it?
268
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:56,760
Real ballers' fans find out
clandestine style and shit.
269
00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:58,190
Fetty wap at the El Rey.
270
00:11:58,230 --> 00:12:00,330
Schoolboy q on the roof
of the standard.
271
00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:02,770
Young thug at sufjan Steven's
broth restaurant.
272
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,600
No press. All packed.
273
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,710
Okay, but that's not
actually how it works.
274
00:12:06,740 --> 00:12:08,710
Gretch! No!
275
00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:10,770
It has to be pure.
276
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:12,340
It's a point of pride.
277
00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:14,750
Prove to the world
we ain't never slipped.
278
00:12:15,980 --> 00:12:17,980
Hello?
279
00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:20,220
Hi.
280
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:21,950
I was just
babysitting next door,
281
00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:25,630
and I got bored watching
hulu, like we millennials do.
282
00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:27,970
Oh, hi. Come in.
283
00:12:27,990 --> 00:12:30,690
Geez, nice place.
284
00:12:30,730 --> 00:12:33,800
Reminds me of my
piano teacher's house.
285
00:12:33,830 --> 00:12:36,300
Sometimes we sit too close
to each other on the bench,
286
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:38,230
and our side-butts touch.
287
00:12:38,270 --> 00:12:40,400
It's ac... it's actually
my friend Jimmy's house.
288
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,050
He let me sleep here
because I was homeless...
289
00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:43,470
Dude, this is fantasy.
290
00:12:43,510 --> 00:12:44,870
Oh, right. Uh...
291
00:12:44,910 --> 00:12:46,310
Yeah, this is my house.
292
00:12:46,340 --> 00:12:49,040
Which I bought
with a mortgage... money loan.
293
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,750
Yeah, well, I just moved
to town to be a YouTube star.
294
00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:54,580
Don't you love my widdle
baby voice, daddy?
295
00:12:54,620 --> 00:12:55,850
Whoa.
296
00:12:55,890 --> 00:12:57,460
Oh, shit. Sorry.
297
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,230
Hey, troopmate.
298
00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:05,090
What happens in the foxhole
stays in the foxhole, right?
299
00:13:05,130 --> 00:13:07,860
Shit. Sorry. Ugh. I'm not very
good at this, which is weird,
300
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:10,270
because my character work
is what got me very close
301
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,200
on three different basic cable
hidden camera prank shows.
302
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,100
Let's try again.
303
00:13:14,140 --> 00:13:16,100
No, no. It-it's okay.
304
00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:17,840
Is it me?
305
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,750
Is this because
306
00:13:19,780 --> 00:13:21,390
I farted in front of you
the other day?
307
00:13:21,410 --> 00:13:25,210
Some of my new medications
apparently can have
308
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:28,850
libido-interfering
characteristics.
309
00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,860
Well, can't you just
get them to switch them?
310
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:32,520
They have been switching them
311
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,900
and switching them and switching
them and switching them.
312
00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:37,140
Well, your body probably
just has to get used to it.
313
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,730
I mean, they wouldn't have you
on something that makes you
314
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,730
unable to have sex forever.
Of course not.
315
00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:44,310
And, until you figure it out,
there's probably a pill
316
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:45,950
you could take... No, I'm
not taking another pill.
317
00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:48,140
I can't keep taking
more pills and more pills
318
00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:49,970
and more pills, okay?
319
00:13:50,010 --> 00:13:51,270
Never mind. I'm sorry.
320
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,310
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
321
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:57,260
It's just hard.
322
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,450
No, it's not. Bad, Dorothy.
323
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,160
This door list is as white
as your ass!
324
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,760
Where's all the goddamn people
on this bitch, bitch?
325
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,900
You told me not to publicize it!
326
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:20,780
To normal people, stupid!
327
00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:22,590
Where's all the media dudes
and the influencers?
328
00:14:22,610 --> 00:14:24,920
Our actor and athlete fans?
329
00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:26,940
Where the hell is cp3
and Marcelo huertas
330
00:14:26,980 --> 00:14:29,840
and Bradley Cooper?
Bradley Cooper loves us!
331
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:30,996
We got hella wasted with dude
332
00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:32,490
backstage of elephant man.
333
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:33,490
You remember that? Mm-hmm.
334
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:34,820
Where is Bradley Cooper, gretch?
335
00:14:34,850 --> 00:14:36,450
Where is Bradley Cooper?!
336
00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:38,100
You forbade me
from inviting anyone!
337
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,990
Not important people!
338
00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:42,770
I hate you! This is sabotage!
339
00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:46,160
Quick! Social media Tsunami!
340
00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:52,800
Yo. What's up, fans?
341
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,680
It's your boy, Sam.
Come down to the smear, now.
342
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:58,720
Secret show. Hella shrimps!
343
00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:00,040
I love you.
344
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,180
It's no use.
We only got 20 minutes!
345
00:15:02,210 --> 00:15:04,510
I cannot have snaps
of an empty-ass show
346
00:15:04,550 --> 00:15:06,110
all over the Internet!
347
00:15:06,150 --> 00:15:08,650
Get bodies in here.
348
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,460
I don't care how!
349
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:11,720
Shit!
350
00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:16,190
And don't forget Bradley Cooper!
351
00:15:16,230 --> 00:15:19,170
♪ Ooh, ooh...
352
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,010
Lindsay.
353
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:26,230
You look positively ethereal.
354
00:15:26,270 --> 00:15:28,740
I am so excited
355
00:15:28,770 --> 00:15:31,970
to open my special prize
and find out
356
00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:34,110
what we're doing tonight. Hmm?
357
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,030
"Red napkin"?
358
00:15:47,860 --> 00:15:49,490
Paul, this dress
doesn't have a butt.
359
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:52,200
It's an apron.
360
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:53,530
A napron?
361
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,700
Red napkin is the finest
in seasonal, pre-portioned meals
362
00:15:56,730 --> 00:16:00,440
delivered fresh, thrice weekly,
that you cook at home together.
363
00:16:00,470 --> 00:16:02,500
My present is cooking?
364
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:03,840
Cooking as a family.
365
00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:06,070
Family.
366
00:16:06,110 --> 00:16:07,840
You don't seem excited.
I thought you were
367
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,080
taking me out,
like a fun party date.
368
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,190
We can't party anymore.
You're pregnant.
369
00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:14,750
Like we talked about.
370
00:16:14,790 --> 00:16:17,760
This is the next phase
of our life.
371
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:19,990
And we both want that.
372
00:17:34,130 --> 00:17:35,860
Oh.
373
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,050
Gracias. Gracias, mi hija.
374
00:18:33,790 --> 00:18:36,490
You speak Spanish?
375
00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:38,240
Who doesn't speak Spanish?
376
00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:40,400
Me. Edgar.
377
00:18:40,430 --> 00:18:43,160
Look, Jimmy,
if you're that freaked out,
378
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,100
we can just unsay it, okay?
Poof! Unsaid.
379
00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:47,950
I'm not gonna start pretending.
380
00:18:47,970 --> 00:18:50,040
I might as well start pretending
there's a person
381
00:18:50,070 --> 00:18:52,910
who lives in the clouds who
cares whether we survive cancer
382
00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:54,180
or not.
383
00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:56,210
We are strangers, Gretchen.
384
00:18:56,250 --> 00:18:58,060
Bullshit. We know each other.
385
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,280
Well, not really.
386
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,890
We live together,
we trust, blindly.
387
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,190
But it's based on what?
It's actual madness,
388
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:08,090
willingly living with a wild
animal but one with thumbs
389
00:19:08,130 --> 00:19:11,740
who can steal your money
and hurt you emotionally.
390
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:15,730
So what changed? Why are you
suddenly so freaked out now?
391
00:19:17,230 --> 00:19:19,070
What? I don't like that.
Stop doing that!
392
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:22,070
That's why you've been asking me
questions all day?
393
00:19:22,110 --> 00:19:23,250
You never cared enough
394
00:19:23,270 --> 00:19:24,710
to ask before.
395
00:19:24,740 --> 00:19:26,110
Sam was right.
396
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:28,640
You are showing me,
not telling me.
397
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,250
Listen, those words...
398
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,150
They're like a-a
verbal contract.
399
00:19:33,180 --> 00:19:34,820
They're a promise.
400
00:19:34,850 --> 00:19:37,080
And I am not ready
to make that promise.
401
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:40,420
If "I love you"
is like a promise,
402
00:19:40,460 --> 00:19:43,890
it's just a promise
to, like, try real hard.
403
00:19:43,930 --> 00:19:45,290
Doesn't mean you can't fail.
404
00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:46,760
It doesn't?
405
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,170
Have you met me?
The only way I can stomach
406
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,830
any of this is knowing
I can just bail at any time.
407
00:19:51,870 --> 00:19:53,670
We can just... bail?
408
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,940
Yeah. I always have
one foot out the door.
409
00:19:55,970 --> 00:19:56,970
With everything.
410
00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,910
Especially with us.
411
00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:01,940
So you might
just suddenly bounce?
412
00:20:01,980 --> 00:20:03,280
Any minute.
413
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,980
I love you.
414
00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:07,330
Jimmy.
415
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,690
Come here.
416
00:20:16,060 --> 00:20:19,360
♪
417
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,370
Listen,
418
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,430
I'm sorry for earlier.
I reacted badly.
419
00:20:23,470 --> 00:20:24,530
Nah, you didn't.
420
00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:26,630
Yes, I did. And I'm sorry.
421
00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:28,540
Thank you.
422
00:20:28,570 --> 00:20:29,640
'Cause, honestly,
423
00:20:29,670 --> 00:20:32,040
your health is all that matters.
424
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,220
We can just, like, have
a nontraditional thing.
425
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,110
What do you mean?
426
00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:38,120
We don't have to have
penetrative sex.
427
00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:40,350
You know, you can just
go down on me for hours,
428
00:20:40,390 --> 00:20:41,830
like earlier.
429
00:20:41,850 --> 00:20:44,220
Ha-ha. Or we can get
one of those sex toys
430
00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:45,320
that looks like a dolphin.
431
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:47,160
Anyway,
432
00:20:47,190 --> 00:20:49,160
I am in this,
regardless of limitations
433
00:20:49,190 --> 00:20:50,660
or what we can't do anymore.
Okay?
434
00:20:57,230 --> 00:20:59,530
Thank you.
435
00:20:59,570 --> 00:21:01,300
I have to hit the restroom.
436
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:03,340
Okay.
437
00:21:04,340 --> 00:21:06,740
♪
438
00:21:35,370 --> 00:21:39,670
♪ I'm Steph curry rapping,
getting digit, loads of paper ♪
439
00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:42,780
♪ Sippin' Martinis, snuffin',
huffin' giga-loads of vapor ♪
440
00:21:42,810 --> 00:21:44,910
♪ Don draper ♪ paper palace
441
00:21:44,950 --> 00:21:46,680
♪ your house is all papyrus
442
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,730
♪ house of cards falling down,
round somebody killed osiris ♪
443
00:21:49,750 --> 00:21:51,520
♪ Medicare, medicaid
444
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,360
♪ and all social services
445
00:21:53,390 --> 00:21:55,070
♪ nervous kid,
I'll show your nervous grandma ♪
446
00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:56,520
♪ Just what nervous is
447
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,630
♪ shit-talking cops
like my name was Mel Gibson ♪
448
00:21:59,660 --> 00:22:02,800
♪ Sugar tits, honey dip,
choosy bitches prefer Tiffany ♪
449
00:22:02,830 --> 00:22:06,800
♪ I'm so sky high
while my mind's eye is boozy ♪
450
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,550
♪ I deserve to be blown
before the jacuzzi ♪
451
00:22:09,570 --> 00:22:13,580
♪ I deserve to be
blown before the jacuzzi ♪
452
00:22:13,610 --> 00:22:15,710
♪ I deserve to be blown
before the jacuzzi ♪
453
00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:19,820
♪ I deserve to be
blown before the jacuzzi. ♪
454
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,290
Now, as y'all know,
455
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,120
me and these fools were beefin'.
456
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,960
But squabbles is normal
in a family.
457
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,340
So during that time,
we wrote a song
458
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,130
that really speaks to the soul
of friendship in this
459
00:22:37,170 --> 00:22:38,810
incendiary cultural time.
460
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:43,150
It's called
"new phone, who dis?"
461
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,420
Where's that simple-ass
white bitch at?!
462
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:49,650
White bitch!
463
00:22:51,380 --> 00:22:53,580
Here's the classic sound
464
00:22:53,620 --> 00:22:55,750
of the red-winged blackbird.
465
00:22:55,790 --> 00:22:58,800
For our first meal,
dear wife, we are having
466
00:22:58,820 --> 00:23:01,690
hominy and
poblano pepper posole,
467
00:23:01,730 --> 00:23:04,300
with a warm mushroom salad
and rhubarb grits.
468
00:23:04,330 --> 00:23:05,630
Now, the chatters
469
00:23:05,660 --> 00:23:07,800
of a house wren.
470
00:23:07,830 --> 00:23:10,670
I picked up a Demi-bottle
of gewurztraminer.
471
00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:13,940
Obviously, you can't have any,
so I sodastreamed
472
00:23:13,970 --> 00:23:18,670
some sparkling water
with yuzu for you-zou.
473
00:23:18,710 --> 00:23:20,550
Eastern meadowlarks
came to nest in our yard...
474
00:23:20,580 --> 00:23:21,880
Interesting fact:
475
00:23:21,910 --> 00:23:24,280
Did you know an
average ear of corn
476
00:23:24,310 --> 00:23:26,380
has an even number of rows,
477
00:23:26,420 --> 00:23:27,490
usually 16?
478
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,480
And humans have 32 teeth.
479
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:31,790
How's that for
480
00:23:31,820 --> 00:23:33,960
intra-kingdom synergy?
481
00:23:33,990 --> 00:23:36,220
I'm so happy I get to do this
with you forever, wife.
482
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,230
We have menus for
the next six months already.
483
00:23:41,270 --> 00:23:43,340
Thus, there are no surprises,
484
00:23:43,370 --> 00:23:44,340
ever.
485
00:23:44,370 --> 00:23:45,830
Okay, let's see.
486
00:23:45,870 --> 00:23:49,040
Menu number two is jerk venison
with smashed yams...
487
00:23:50,710 --> 00:23:53,470
and garlic-ginger okra. Yum!
488
00:23:53,510 --> 00:23:57,710
Lastly, we have the warbles
of an American goldfinch.
489
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,010
Meal number three is
490
00:24:00,050 --> 00:24:00,980
gomasio-spiced
491
00:24:01,020 --> 00:24:02,780
parsnip soup...
492
00:24:12,730 --> 00:24:16,900
♪ when I first met you, baby
493
00:24:16,930 --> 00:24:20,000
♪ you were floating
494
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,050
♪ up above
495
00:24:25,140 --> 00:24:29,540
♪ I thought, maybe
496
00:24:29,580 --> 00:24:32,510
♪ this is it
497
00:24:32,550 --> 00:24:35,180
♪ this is love
498
00:24:35,220 --> 00:24:38,390
♪ I fell so hard
499
00:24:38,420 --> 00:24:42,020
♪ I fell so hard...
500
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:51,030
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
501
00:25:01,580 --> 00:25:04,610
you're the worst. All new
wednesdays at 10:00.
502
00:25:04,650 --> 00:25:06,580
Only on fxx.
503
00:25:08,090 --> 00:25:11,600
♪
504
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,870
Shame.
505
00:25:29,940 --> 00:25:33,570
Shame.
506
00:25:35,650 --> 00:25:38,320
Shame.
507
00:25:38,350 --> 00:25:41,180
Shame.
508
00:25:43,620 --> 00:25:46,220
Shame.
509
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,390
Shame.
510
00:25:55,230 --> 00:25:56,670
It's been 23 days
511
00:25:56,700 --> 00:25:58,470
since the nightmare began.
512
00:25:59,870 --> 00:26:01,340
Why do we fight?
513
00:26:03,070 --> 00:26:06,010
Revenge.
514
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,810
The strain,
all new Sundays at 10:00 on fx.
515
00:26:11,220 --> 00:26:15,160
♪
516
00:26:15,190 --> 00:26:19,760
I have to go back
to my sorority!
517
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,930
♪
518
00:26:25,260 --> 00:26:27,260
♪
519
00:26:29,530 --> 00:26:30,770
♪
35930
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