All language subtitles for Threes Company S02E06 Alone Together.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪
♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪
♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ Where the kisses are
hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a lovable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three is company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous
Three is company too ♪♪

You can't take those
undershorts, Stanley.

They're torn. It's not
gonna be formal, Helen.

Look, I can't help
the hole in your head,

but you're not leavin' here
with a hole in your shorts.

You're still mad at me
'cause I'm taking this trip, huh?

Mad just because you
prefer to spend your night...

lookin' at some godforsaken
piece of desert instead of at me?

Desert? You call
this property a desert?

Look at this. Look.

See the hotel? See the swimming
pools? See the tennis courts?

Where?

Right there where it
says, "Artist's conception."

Ohh. It's a long way between
conception and birth, you know.

- Why do you have to bring sex
into everything?
- If I don't, who will?

It looks like nothin' now, but
that's why you can get it so cheap.

You see, that's the trick. You
buy low, and you wait for it to go up.

And suppose it doesn't?

The only trouble with you,
Helen... you're afraid to take a risk.

You don't have any guts.
I married you, didn't I?

I just wanna go up there to make
some money for us. Come on, Stanley.

I know you. You wanna go up there for the
free plane ride and the free entertainment.

My toothbrush. They'll take
you for everything you've got.

Helen, I'm in the bathroom.

Oh. Oh, sorry, Stanley.

I only meant... Well, you're
such a pushover for a sales pitch.

Helen, don't worry.
I'm not gonna lay out a

penny until I'm
convinced it's a sure thing.

I'm nobody's fool.
Oh, yes, you are.

You're mine, all mine.

Well, I got a couple hours till the plane
leaves. How am I gonna kill the time?

Does, uh, this
give you any ideas?

Yeah. I forgot my aspirin.

Good morning. Hi.

Uh, excuse me. I'd
like to ask a question,

but I don't know
which end to talk to.

What is it, Jack?
Ah. There you are.

What is this
supposed to do for ya?

Oh, well, it eases the mind, it soothes
the spirit and it firms up the body.

Yeah, well, don't get too firm. I
like to see a jiggle now and then.

These exercises
wouldn't do you any harm.

Ah, this stuff's not for me. When I
want exercise, I go down to the gym.

I lift some weights, punch the bag,
do a couple miles around the track.

Real exercise.
This is kid stuff.

Kid stuff, huh? I'd like to see you
try it. Oh, this is gonna be easy. I'm...

What do you want me to do? Oh,
well, let's start with a simple posture.

The lotus. The lotus.

Yeah. Hmm. Take one
of your "feets," Yeah.

Lift it up with the bottom
towards the ceiling...

and gently place
it in this position.

It's easy. Okay. Now take the
other and do the same thing.

Gently.

Hey. That's pretty good.

Thank you. See? I
told you it was easy.

That's really great. I
didn't think he could do it.

- Oh, yeah, Jack. Nice goin'.
- Thank you.

- When does it stop?
- When does what stop?

The pain.

Uh, okay, Janet, how
do I get out of this?

Oh, that's next week's lesson.

No. Janet! Come here.

Hey. It was easy, huh?

Well, I said it was
easy getting into it. I

didn't say anything
about getting out of it.

All right. I'll help you.

Wait a minute. Gotta
get the phone. Geez!

Hello? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Hey, it's for you. Shall
I say you're all tied up?

Hand me the phone.

Okay. Ooh.

Hello?

Oh, it's you, Linda. Ooh. Ah.

How are you, baby?

Huh? How come I sound so
passionate this early in the morning?

Oh, uh, well, I guess it's 'cause
I'm talking to you. I can't help myself.

Geez...

Uh, listen, Linda. Real fast. You
wanna do something tomorrow night?

Oh, terrific. Well, look,
uh, I gotta run now, okay?

- I'll talk to you later. Bye-bye. Here.
- Okay.

Help me out of this. Would you please
help me out of this? All right. All right.

Ooh. Ooh.

Ah. Ohh. Easy!

You wanna make a
wish? No, you're not.

Oh, good morning,
Chrissy. Hi. Come on in.

I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Oh, no. We're just exercising.

Oh!

- Did you
lose something, Jack?
- Yeah. My circulation.

- What's new, Mrs. Roper?
- Oh, Stanley's leaving me.

Oh, Mrs. Ro... Hold
the congratulations.

- He's only gonna be gone
overnight. A business trip.
- Oh.

So tonight I'll
be free as a bird,

have the house all to myself,
be able to do anything I please.

Ah, that's nice. What
do you plan to do?

I plan to be terrified.

What? Oh, Janet,
I hate being alone.

It scares me to death. I
jump at every little noise.

Oh, gee. Well, listen. Why don't you
get somebody to stay overnight with you?

Well, I wouldn't want to
impose. That is no imposition.

A real friend'd be glad to do
that. Oh, thank you, Janet. I accept.

What? You're a real friend.

Oh, but Mrs. Roper...
Oh, I'm so excited!

Just imagine. Tonight I'll
have someone to talk to.

Ohh! That was very nice of
you, Janet, to volunteer like that.

But don't worry about us. Chrissy
and I will think of something to do.

- I'll bet you will.
- What do you mean,
"I'll bet you will"?

I know what she means. I know what was
going through your wicked little mind...

when you said, "I bet you will."

You think the moment
you're gone, I'm gonna

grab Chrissy like this
and bend her over...

and smother her with kisses...

and pick her up in my arms and throw
her on the couch and then who knows what.

What?

Is that the kind of guy
you think I am? Yes.

Well, I'm not gonna stand
here and be insulted. I'm leaving.

Oh, yeah. Where are you going?
Well, I gotta do some fast shopping...

for a very special
dinner for two.

Uh, Chrissy, maybe I shouldn't
stay with Mrs. Roper tonight.

- Now I'm insulted.
- Oh, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong.

I have been alone with
Jack before. Never all night.

Do you think I need a
chaperone? Is that what you think?

Oh, no, no. I'm just saying don't do
anything to give him the wrong ideas...

or the right ideas or any ideas.

- Like what?
- Well, like walking
around the apartment...

in your little, teeny, shorty nightgown
or getting too close to him or...

Oh, gee... Look, Chrissy. All I'm
trying to say is don't be yourself.

Chrissy, how about a little
wine and cheese before dinner?

- Chrissy, aren't you gonna join me?
- - Coming!

- Chrissy.
- I know. I look icky,
don't I?

- No. You look wonderful.
- I do?

Yeah. Natural and real. It's
such a refreshing change.

- It is?
- Yeah. Those curlers...

Oh, Chrissy. Reminds
me of my first girlfriend.

- I was crazy about her.
- You were?

Oh, yeah. Every time I came to her
house, she had these curlers in her hair.

It really turned me on.

- They did?
- You know something, Chrissy?

I love it when you're not afraid
to be yourself in front of me.

It makes me feel so
much closer to you.

It does? Yeah.

Come on. Sit down.

- What are you doin'?
- I'm reading.

- Well, isn't that kind of rude?
- You said you liked me
to be myself.

Well, yeah, but I didn't mean
to pull out a book and start...

I'm at the most exciting
part. I just can't put it down.

A Visitor's Tour of Sacramento?

Well, it belonged to
my father. Chrissy.

The minister...

preached a sermon
there once... Hey, Chrissy.

In a church.

You know something, Chrissy?
Even when you're rude, you're cute.

- I am?
- Yeah.

Hi, everybody! I'm home!

Home.

Well, well, well.

Oh, good morning,
Chrissy. Good morning, Jack.

Oh, hi, Janet. Hi.

Well, we had a pretty
exciting evening.

- That's nice.
- Yeah, I mean,

Mrs. Roper and I had
quite an exciting evening.

I'm glad.

- Where's Jack?
- He's in the bathroom.

Oh.

Yeah, I mean to tell you, that Mrs.
Roper and I had a pretty exciting evening.

Yeah. We played dominoes
for about four hours.

Which reminds me, I still owe
Mrs. Roper 1,700 matchsticks.

That's nice.

Yeah, and we talked.
Yeah. Yes, we did.

Did you know that Mrs. Roper's
mother was a dressmaker?

Yes. Yes, she was.

Yeah. You know, when
Mrs. Roper married Stanley,

her mother made all the
bridesmaids' gowns for the wedding.

All in black satin.

That's nice.

Chrissy, is something wrong?
Oh, Janet, will you knock it off?

The last thing I need is your third
degree, so just get off my back, okay?

Chrissy!

♪ Oh, what a beautiful mornin' ♪

♪ Oh, what a beautiful day ♪

♪ I've got... ♪
Jack, are you decent?

Depends on what
you've got in mind.

Jack. Sure. Come on in.

Hi. Hi.

Isn't it a sensational day? I
feel great. The sun is shining.

The birds are singing. Surf's
up. How was your night?

Oh, it was okay, but I always find
it hard sleeping in a strange bed.

Oh, me too.

♪♪

So, what did you
do? Oh, nothin' much.

You know, it was very quiet
without you around. Thank you.

- No. I mean it gave me a chance
to get really close to Chrissy.
- How close?

Well, you know, I know a lot more
about her now than I did before.

When Chrissy's had a little to drink,
she really loosens up. How loose?

Did you know she has a
heart-shaped birthmark right on her...

Yes, I did. And that
she talks in her sleep.

- Jack.
- ♪ There's a bright golden haze
on the meadow ♪

Uh, Chrissy... Uh, I think maybe
we should talk about last night.

Oh, I can't.

It's just too
humiliating. Humiliating?

I knew it. Oh,
now, listen, Chrissy.

Listen. Men can really
be beasts sometimes.

You beast.

How did it start? Oh,
it started out real nice.

And then we had some wine.
Oh, boy, does he know his onions.

Oh, no, we didn't have any
onions. We had some cheese and...

No. No. No.

No, no, Chrissy. What
happened after the wine?

We talked. And?

He kissed me on the
forehead. Before or after?

Instead of.

Do you mean that
he didn't try to... No.

Not even a little... No.

He just wasn't interested.
Wasn't interested?

Oh, Janet, do you think
I'm losing my sex appeal?

Ohh, come on! Well, he
didn't try anything all night.

Well, Chrissy... Oh, I
am losing my sex appeal.

Well, what did you
want him to do? Nothing.

Well, that's what he did.
Well, at least he could've tried.

Well, would he have succeeded?
Of course not, but he didn't know that.

You're right. Men
are really beasts.

Beast!

It's all Mr. Roper's fault for
going away in the first place. Wh...

Fun? Helen, I'm
not having any fun.

No. What do you mean,
"It sounds like fun"?

No. That's some crazy party in
the next room. Kept me up all night.

As a matter of fact, I called
the police to complain about it.

I'm not a spoilsport.

Do you know I had to drink seven
cups of cocoa to get to sleep?

And then I couldn't sleep 'cause
I kept goin' to the bathroom.

What? The property?
Yeah. I saw the property.

It's a very nice
piece of desert.

But the one thing I can't figure out is
where they're gonna get the water from.

Hold it. There's somebody
at the door. Come in.

Hey, Roper, what's the matter? I
just found out you're not at the party.

You're missin' out on a swell time,
right, Sherry? Mm. It's a real blast.

Is that your party next door?
Yeah. Didn't you get the invitation?

I never got an
invitation. Hey, I'm sorry.

Oh. Sherry Lee, Stan Roper.

How do you do, Stanley? Hello.

Sherry, is it? Mm-hmm.

Hey, Stan, come on out to the pool.
We're all gonna take a skinny dip.

Skinny dip?

Helen, listen. I got a meeting.

Mr. Crawford just came
in with one of his... men.

Yeah.

He's the only guy on the whole
plane that hasn't bought a lot yet.

Yeah, well, he's the only one
that isn't bombed out of his skull.

Well, we get one or two freaks
once in a while. Work on him.

Okay, but why do they
always have to look like that?

I'll be home tonight,
Helen. Yeah. Okay. Bye.

Stanley, could I use your
bathroom for a minute?

I spilled a little
drinky-poo on my blouse.

Sure. Go ahead.

Say, Stan. Now, I don't
wanna scare you, but

everybody's buyin'
up those lots out there.

I'm afraid they're all gonna be
gone unless you sign up right now.

But what about the water?
The water? The water's fine.

Why don't you come on out and splash
around with the girls? Have some fun?

- I don't mean that water. I mean...
- Stanley.

Ooh. On second thought, I think you
can have some fun right here, huh?

Hey, listen. I'll save that
lot for ya. See ya later, Stan.

- Yeah, but Mr. Crawford, I...
- Stanley.

What is it? Do you
have a shirt I could wear?

I had to wash my blouse.

- But you're not wearing any...
- But it's soaking wet.

I don't think I have a shirt
in your... sizes... uh, size.

I'll take anything you've
got. I don't have anything.

I mean, shouldn't I... should...
should... Shouldn't we...

- Police!
- Oh, my God! It's a raid!

Hey, Charlie, here's another
one. Okay, you two. Let's go.

But you don't understand,
Officer. I'm the one who called.

That's right, gramps.
You called. She came.

So let's go. Let's go.

Get dressed.

That's right, Linda. Where do you
wanna go tonight? Jack, please.

Uh, listen, Linda. I have to go.
Can you call me back in a little bit?

- Oh, thanks. Okay. Bye-bye.
- I'm sorry. Thank you.

Listen, Jack. I know
this sounds stupid,

but I think you should
apologize to Chrissy.

- She's upset about last night.
- Nothing happened last night.

Well, that's what I mean.

Just a minute. You mean
she expected me to...

And she's upset
because I didn't make a...

- Well, that's crazy.
- Oh, now, listen, Jack.

Chrissy knows you come on
strong with every girl you meet.

So last night, when
you didn't come on with

her, she thought she
wasn't worth the effort.

Oh, with Chrissy, it
wouldn't be an effort.

Tell her.

Chrissy? Hey, I'm sorry you're
upset. Who says I'm upset?

Well, you always eat too
much when you're upset.

So I'm fat and ugly.
Who cares? I do.

Look, Chrissy, I'm sorry I didn't
make a pass at you last night.

Oh, Janet, how could you have
told him? No, no, no. Wait. Wait.

Chrissy, I wanna talk to you.
Come here. Now, sit down, Chrissy.

Look. See, I thought that...

Chrissy, she told me
because she loves you.

And I love you. I mean, I
don't love you, love you.

I love you in a "like
you" kind of way.

You know, when I say "I
love you"... Get on with it.

Chrissy, I thought we
had a great time last night.

Maybe it could have been even better. Maybe
I would've tried to get it on with you,

but I'm seeing Linda now on a
regular basis, and I can't help it.

I guess I'm a one-woman kind of
guy, you understand? One at a time.

It is not important.
It is important.

If I wasn't dating Linda, I'd
have been all over you last night.

Oh, yeah. I would've thrown you on
the sofa and ripped off your clothes...

and attacked you like a mad dog.

Oh, Jack, thank you.

It's true, Chrissy.

That'll be Linda again.
She's crazy about me.

You okay now, Chrissy?

- All better?
- Hi. Linda?

- Huh?
- Ah, Mrs. Roper.

Hi, Janet. Hi.

- Oh, excuse me. This is personal.
- What? Sure.

- What time is Mr. Roper
getting home today?
- I just had a call from him,

and he says that he's gonna have to
stay in Apache Springs for two more days.

- Why? What happened?
- I don't know. He was
very vague about it.

Something about
official business...

and being detained for 48 hours.

- Oh?
- I just hope
he checks with me...

before he gets
everything locked up.

Oh, Janet, I hate to impose, but, well,
could you stay with me for two more nights?

- Oh.
- Well, go ahead. Don't worry about me.

- Remember. He's got Linda.
- Okay. Okay, okay.

Yeah, I'll be down
tonight. Oh, wonderful!

Oh, that's swell. Hey, I'll
polish up the dominoes.

I forgot about the dominoes.

Boy, that Linda.

I'm thinking of breaking it off with
her. She said something I didn't dig.

What? She said, "Get lost."

She's found another guy.

Well, anyway, you're lookin' at a
free man. So what's on for tonight?

Boy, Helen, it
was so humiliating.

I mean, being carried
off like... like a criminal.

With that girl.

I'm so glad to be home in my
own bed, in my own pajamas,

and my own cocoa.

And your own wife.

Mm? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that too. Yeah.

Stanley?

Was she pretty? Huh?

Oh, I... I don't remember.

You don't? Really? Of course
not. I'm a happily married man.

Oh, that's nice to hear.

Good night, Stanley.
Good night, Sherry.

Three's Company
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in front of a studio audience.

Closed-Captioned By
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