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1
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:15,515
-Hey. Water department figures.
-Oh, did that guy call back?
2
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,350
Oh, "Mr.
I Was Just About To Call--"
3
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:19,185
-No, no, no. The--
-Yes.
4
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:20,311
He said
the inspection budget's
5
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,688
-down 10 percent.
-Down?
6
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:22,981
-Yeah.
-Great. So--
7
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,149
You know who I'm gonna
follow up with?
8
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,150
BOTH:
Angie.
9
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:26,317
Okay.
10
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:27,694
Hey, Ed.
You wanted to see me?
11
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:30,530
Hey. Adam,
did you just call me "Ed"?
12
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,699
-My name's Ned.
-It's short for editor-in-chief.
13
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,535
I saw you and Mare talking fast
to one another, and I thought,
14
00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,579
"You guys wanna save some time?
Watch this."
15
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:39,581
Well, it worked.
16
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,125
Okay, so,
17
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:45,712
"Local man Victor Premens
stuffed a Dyson in his pants
18
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:48,548
"and walked out of
an East Toledo Target as a joke,
19
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:53,011
but the prudish store manager
didn't get the punchline."
20
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,554
-Crazy.
-It is.
21
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,514
Who was your source
for this article?
22
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:57,724
Victor Premens.
23
00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:01,353
The man who stuffed
the vacuum in his pants?
24
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:02,812
Yeah, as a hilarious joke.
25
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:05,315
Okay.
Did you get any other sources
26
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,233
-for the article?
-Hmm...
27
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:09,402
[CLICKS TONGUE]
28
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:11,863
-I did not.
-No, right.
29
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,198
I want you to consider
30
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:14,991
that Victor
may have been lying to you.
31
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,409
-Mm...
-That he only said
32
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,495
that it was a joke
because he got caught.
33
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:21,664
Um... Okay.
34
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,420
I think this could be
the lead story
35
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:28,797
in the "Also News."
36
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,592
-Happy?
-Yeah. Thank you.
37
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:35,387
Oh, yeah, I started something
called the "Also News."
38
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:37,138
We print it right here,
39
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,557
it's distributed
only on this floor,
40
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:43,770
and Adam is the star reporter
for the "Also News."
41
00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,606
As journalists,
we are going to get lied to.
42
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,441
But one of our jobs
is to separate
43
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:49,943
fact from fiction.
44
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:52,320
And to place commas correctly,
right, Adelola?
45
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,364
-It was one comma. Let it go.
-Yeah.
46
00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:55,699
Yeah, so,
I wrote a sad story
47
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:58,535
about a woman
who owned a pet pig. Um...
48
00:01:58,576 --> 00:01:59,911
[SIGHS]
49
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,455
The pig was also named Yvette,
so that didn't help.
50
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,749
So I thought,
as we're all still new to this,
51
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,876
we could play a little game
to train our instincts.
52
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,795
The game is called
"Two Truths And A Lie".
53
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:09,671
It's fun.
54
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,297
Uh, the drinking game, right?
55
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:13,299
Oh, I would actually prefer
not to drink at work
56
00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:14,300
if that's okay.
57
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:15,343
We're not gonna drink.
58
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:16,928
No one's drinking. Ahem.
59
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:28,148
Okay. Pair up and, uh,
get your BS detectors out.
60
00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:30,191
-Travis.
-Should I get Mare?
61
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,985
Oh, no, she's on deadline.
62
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,486
Right, Mare?
63
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,196
-Right-- Hey, Mare.
-I'm on deadline.
64
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,364
Okay.
65
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:42,162
Remember, you're listening
for the ring of truth
66
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,456
and the clonk of lies.
67
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,374
Okay.
68
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,628
-Go.
-Okay.
69
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,339
I buy a new toothbrush
every week,
70
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,174
I can't feel pain
on the bottoms of my feet,
71
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:55,383
and I once misdialed
a phone number
72
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,344
and accidentally called
Martin Lawrence.
73
00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:59,596
Okay, well, you don't have
that many good stories.
74
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,139
So I don't think
you would've held onto
75
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,600
the Martin Lawrence thing
for that long, right?
76
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:04,893
Unless it's not
the Martin Lawrence
77
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,686
-that we all know and love.
ALL: Ooh.
78
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,688
May I please see
the bottoms of your feet?
79
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,900
-No.
-Martin Lawrence is a lie.
80
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,110
-Nice. Very good. Very good.
DETRICK: That was good.
81
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,320
-Good.
TRAVIS: Thank you.
82
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,489
I once knocked out
Muhammad Ali.
83
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,952
-And?
-And what?
84
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,913
Okay, who doesn't have
any good stories?
85
00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:27,415
Oh, my goodness.
You've reached Martin Lawrence.
86
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,876
When you hear that beep,
you know what to do.
87
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,211
What? Yes!
88
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,337
Well,
the first time I called him,
89
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,588
he thought I was his niece,
90
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,090
and we had
this sweet heart-to-heart
91
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,549
about my spending habits,
92
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:39,678
but ever since then
it just goes to voicemail, yeah.
93
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,846
NED: Holy crap, that's--
-Who's this?
94
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,432
Wait, he just texted.
"Stop calling this number."
95
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:45,558
-ALL: Oh!
TRAVIS: What?
96
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,560
Are you kidding me? For real?
97
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,229
DETRICK:
Can you send me his number?
98
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,773
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
99
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:21,970
All right. Adam's piece was
picked up by the "Also News,"
100
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,556
so we are one article short.
101
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,891
Oh, how terrible.
102
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,768
Ugh, Ned is still here.
103
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:33,773
Perhaps he has cockroach DNA.
Do you know cockroach?
104
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:37,068
That you try to smash it
but then it doesn't die?
105
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:41,823
He turns on his back, you know?
That's Ned.
106
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:45,952
And you pretend that
you're happy that he's alive.
107
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,287
-Ned.
-Yeah?
108
00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:50,498
I really want this to succeed.
109
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:52,959
Thanks.
110
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:56,171
What is our Wirecutter?
111
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,340
What is our Wordle?
112
00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:00,050
We need things
113
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,886
which keep people's minds
off the bloody news.
114
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,054
You have to remember
115
00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,389
our core audience is:
People On Toilets.
116
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,809
-I have an idea.
-Oh, my God.
117
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,479
-How long have you been there?
-The whole time.
118
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,522
I thought
you were a pile of shirts.
119
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:15,648
-[NED SIGHS]
-Nope.
120
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,108
Yes, Mare? Let's hear it.
121
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,819
Ah, so in the 90s,
the paper used to do
122
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:21,738
this section
called "Shame On You."
123
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,032
We'd like,
uncover a business scam
124
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,367
and catch them in the act.
125
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,035
Oh. That's--
Okay, that's good.
126
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,286
-I like that.
-Yeah.
127
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,371
KEN:
I've got a list of businesses
128
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,997
who wouldn't advertise
with us,
129
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,792
so you can select your targets
from there, Mare.
130
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,502
Mare, do you have a business
in mind?
131
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,170
Okay, I just bought
a new mattress.
132
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:39,339
Do you know this scam
with mattress stores?
133
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,632
Ugh. Okay, so, basically,
134
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,217
they all carry
the exact same stuff
135
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,761
but change the names
so you can't compare prices.
136
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,888
-False advertising scam.
KEN: God yeah.
137
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:47,889
Let's do it.
138
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,809
Okay. Great.
139
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:52,977
Great.
140
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,189
-Ned.
-Yeah?
141
00:05:56,231 --> 00:06:00,151
I'm so sorry
about the disappointing news.
142
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,861
You must be very sad.
143
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,491
What's--? Uh... Sorry, what?
144
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,828
Oh, because you don't know?
About Mare?
145
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:13,915
Mare, the woman whose parents
named her after a horse.
146
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:17,085
She's leaving us
for the hotel business.
147
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,671
What?
148
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,257
No, that makes no sense.
149
00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:25,051
I literally just sent her out
on a story just now.
150
00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:30,640
Sadly, I got a call
from Mr. Bob Willis at Radisson
151
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,434
checking
for her references.
152
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:37,522
She got accepted
to a concierge training program,
153
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,733
which we know is:
154
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,610
But it seems like
that's what she wants.
155
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,947
-She didn't say anything to me.
-She's embarrassed.
156
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:50,410
I mean, it's giving up
her dreams for a paycheck.
157
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,037
Or maybe
she just doesn't believe in you.
158
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:56,291
She's... She's the only one here
with any reporting experience.
159
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:59,502
ESMERALDA: I will never get
a fair hearing from Ned.
160
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:04,424
I mean, I could be the most
amazing reporter on this planet,
161
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:05,884
some people say I am.
162
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,803
But I could never beat
the sex pheromones
163
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,014
that Mare is putting out there.
164
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,475
-I'm gonna talk to her about it.
-Wait! Wait.
165
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,101
-What? What?
-Why do you want to do that?
166
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:18,396
Because she's our best reporter
and I don't wanna lose her.
167
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,106
-And?
-And--? What?
168
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,983
You think
she's a beautiful woman?
169
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,110
From a certain angle?
With the right light?
170
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,988
What? Oh, okay. No.
Um... Hey.
171
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,865
Uh... Uh...
172
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,617
That is
incredibly inappropriate.
173
00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:32,202
She's your favorite.
174
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:36,539
I saw you looking at her
like a dog on my auntie's leg.
175
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,834
Christ, no, no, no. Stop that.
That is not-- Hey, stop that!
176
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:43,463
I would not do that.
I barely-- We've been-- I--
177
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,882
She works with me.
178
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,967
-My mistake. I apologize.
-Good.
179
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,636
Actually, it's good
because I thought
180
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,846
this would've been
more bad news for you,
181
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,807
but now I feel
that I can tell you
182
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,975
and it's not going to hurt
your feelings.
183
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:58,645
-Yeah.
-Okay, because Mare,
184
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,815
she's, uh,
you know, assesuale.
185
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:06,152
-I don't-- What--?
-She's "a sexual." Like,
186
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,530
-she's not a sexual person.
-Oh.
187
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,490
-I don't-- Okay.
-She's not, really.
188
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,784
That's why they want her
at Radisson,
189
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,661
because she is
a diversity hire.
190
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:17,914
Sure. I don't--
That's not any of my...
191
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:19,666
-Yeah.
-...business. Whatever way she--
192
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,418
-Of course.
-I don't care about that.
193
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,837
It's just that she's a-sexual.
194
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,089
-I got it. Stop.
-Like, this is what she is.
195
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:29,509
First of all, whatever way
Mare wants to live her life
196
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,760
is her choice.
197
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,138
-Oh, yeah.
-Okay? Second of all...
198
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,850
-are you sure?
-You should ask her.
199
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:40,645
I'm sure she would be okay
to talk about it with you.
200
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,522
Because you are her boss.
201
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,899
You are curious
about her sexuality...
202
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,819
-No.
-...and if the HR lawyers
203
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:51,698
would say anything about it,
I got your back.
204
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,199
Uh...
205
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,617
Mint?
206
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:56,786
Uh...
207
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,538
I'm trying
to run a paper here.
208
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,457
I can't be losing
my best reporter
209
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:01,750
to the Radisson.
210
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,336
Maybe they'd take Adam.
211
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,632
[COPIER WHIRS]
212
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:10,759
-[MARE SIGHS]
-[KNOCKS]
213
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,135
-Hey.
-Hey, I'm sorry.
214
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,636
I'm just printing these
and I'm off--
215
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:14,637
NED:
No, not at all.
216
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:15,972
I'm not rushing you,
217
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,974
just take your time.
218
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,559
It's been around
a hundred years,
219
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,478
it'll be around
a hundred more.
220
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,438
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]
-Um...
221
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:27,317
If you had to put odds
on us succeeding,
222
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,110
you know, near future,
long-term.
223
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,111
Mm-hmm?
224
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,446
What are you feeling?
A number.
225
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,823
Ninety-five percent.
Ninety-five percent.
226
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,867
-Wow.
-I'm leaving 5 percent open
227
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,203
in case of asteroid,
which'd be a shame
228
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,621
because that would be
a great story.
229
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,164
Great story. Yeah.
230
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:44,668
But, otherwise, no doubts
whatsoever. Hundred percent.
231
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,961
Asteroids are real.
Ninety-five.
232
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:51,007
Wow. Well, you can't beat
those odds.
233
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:55,178
I'm sorry, 95 percent?
That's delusional, right?
234
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,472
And a little
nerve-wracking,
235
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,140
considering he holds my career
in his hands.
236
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,600
Unless he's really amazing.
237
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:03,103
I mean, he did sell
a crazy amount of toilet paper.
238
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,522
Okay, I'll see you later.
239
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:09,609
-No, don't. Uh, don't leave.
-What was that?
240
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,695
Let's hunt down
the mattress store story
241
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,029
together, you and me.
242
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:16,991
You wanna come to some
mattress stores with me?
243
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,744
Because you've got such
a fun job, let's both enjoy it.
244
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:24,040
Sure.
Woodward and Woodward's boss.
245
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:27,419
-Ben Bradlee.
-Okay, you actually knew that.
246
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,756
Oh, you run so athletically.
247
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:34,884
[KNOCKS]
248
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,219
Hey, chief.
249
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,929
Hey, just 'cause
I'm your editor-in-chief,
250
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,806
you don't
have to call me that.
251
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:42,392
Uh, I wasn't. I'm just--
I'm not good with names.
252
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,810
Um...
253
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,856
-Ned.
-Ned! Ned. Ned.
254
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,190
-Ned.
-Ned, Ned, Ned.
255
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:52,485
I knew it was something
old-timey. Ned, got it.
256
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:53,820
-Ned.
-Is this--?
257
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,447
Anyways,
"Two Truths and A Lie."
258
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,033
Very helpful. Since I finished
my article already,
259
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,535
I wanted to know if I could
do it with somebody else.
260
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,412
-Like for practice.
-Oh.
261
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,414
-Maybe, um, Nicole?
-Travis? Or--?
262
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:08,209
Yeah, yeah, Travis is cool,
but I was thinking more like...
263
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,086
-Adam?
-...Nicole?
264
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,504
Whoever you want.
265
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,465
Okay, I'm gonna tell Nicole
you said to do it.
266
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,466
Thanks, Fred.
267
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,135
NICOLE:
Detrick.
268
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,012
I don't really think of him
that way.
269
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,806
My type historically
has been know-it-alls
270
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,016
who don't really like me.
271
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,101
So pretty much
272
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,312
the complete opposite
of Detrick.
273
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,441
NED:
Oscar?
274
00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,443
-Uh, may I approach?
-You may.
275
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,279
So me and Mare,
276
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,156
we're working on
a really interesting piece.
277
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,824
-I don't care.
-Called "Shame On You."
278
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,785
I know you don't care.
I know you don't.
279
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,119
No pressure, all right?
No pressure.
280
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,704
I'm not putting
any pressure on you.
281
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,539
-I can see that.
-[SIGHS]
282
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,833
[CLICKS TONGUE] But just in case
it's not done in time,
283
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:52,379
would you mind whipping up
another sudoku for the paper?
284
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,006
That last one was just--
It was so good.
285
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,008
-I couldn't look away.
-Thank you.
286
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,135
-I'm pretty busy.
-Okay, totally.
287
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:01,346
I know you're good
with numbers.
288
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,764
Could be fun.
289
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:06,393
Well, saying that work is fun
is a form of pressure.
290
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:10,105
Quite frankly, it's giving me
PTSD from an old boss.
291
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:13,775
Okay, I apologize.
No more pressure.
292
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,403
-I'll put you down as a maybe?
-Don't count on it.
293
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:18,321
Okay.
294
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,865
[SINGSONGY]
Maybe, I love maybe...
295
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,076
I don't know why Ned wants us
296
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,577
to play "Two Truths and a Lie,"
297
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,371
but he's the boss, so, um...
298
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:28,540
Yeah.
299
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:30,917
Sushi?
300
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:36,089
Where'd you get that sushi?
There's no sushi around here.
301
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:38,466
Oh, I hate to disagree
with you right off the bat,
302
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,176
but they have it
at the gas station.
303
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,053
Ew.
304
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,680
When'd you get that sushi?
305
00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:44,973
You haven't left all day,
306
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,516
and your car was here
when I got in.
307
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,059
[LAUGHS]
308
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:51,104
-Okay, "The Noticer."
-Yeah, that's what they call me.
309
00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:54,441
[LAUGHS] Cool.
There's a new noticer in town.
310
00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,196
All right, um, how about this.
311
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,823
I ask you a question,
312
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:04,993
you don't wanna answer it,
you, uh, eat a piece of sushi.
313
00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:06,619
It's not that bad, for real.
314
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,581
Well, there's your lie.
315
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:12,000
[LAUGHS] Okay.
316
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:14,002
[NICOLE LAUGHS]
317
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,421
Okay, so, what kind of couple
should we be?
318
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:22,302
Just a regular couple.
Not regular. Uh, hetero... Cis?
319
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,595
-I don't understand--
-What are you asking?
320
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,889
-No, just I mean,
are we bougie, you know?
321
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,350
Or are we cheap?
Are we too online?
322
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,269
Are we not online, you know?
Do we have kids?
323
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,355
Do you want kids and I don't,
and it's tearing us?
324
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,273
If this is making you
at all uncomfortable,
325
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,485
we don't have to be
a couple at all, all right?
326
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:42,113
We can just be
brother and sister.
327
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,074
Who are buying
a mattress together?
328
00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:49,371
Our mom gets debilitating
bladder infections.
329
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:50,997
She's-- She's incontinent.
330
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,582
We have to buy a mattress
for her.
331
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,209
My God,
we're just a couple, okay?
332
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,086
And keep the mom thing
in your back pocket
333
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,712
if everything goes wrong.
334
00:13:57,754 --> 00:14:00,215
I am so sorry
to hear about your mother.
335
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,424
-Thanks.
-Thank you.
336
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,593
It's his mother.
We're actually married.
337
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:04,969
I'm also her boss.
338
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,725
At a sleep research facility.
339
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:13,061
But we keep things
very professional, right?
340
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:16,523
We don't use
any of the beds at work for--
341
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:20,568
This would be our home mattress
where we-- Where--
342
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:21,986
It'd be our-- We're--
343
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,864
So we're actually doing
that whole like,
344
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,117
going around,
price comp thing.
345
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,493
-Oh.
-And we were super interested
346
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,413
in your
StayCoolHybrid FirmRest Foam,
347
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:33,081
-right, honey?
-Yes. Yes. Hm.
348
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,374
Yes, right over here.
349
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,500
MARE: Oh. Great.
NED: Oh.
350
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,460
Nineteen hundred
for a queen.
351
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:41,423
Great. And now your ad says
that you match any price, right?
352
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,466
That's right. As long
as it's the same mattress.
353
00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:44,884
MARE:
Totally. That's great.
354
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,052
Because we actually
just saw one
355
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,303
over at Twice Upon A Mattress
356
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,596
that looks identical
357
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,432
to the StayCoolHybrid
FirmRest Foam,
358
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,017
but it was 1550.
359
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,060
-Would you honor that price?
-Ah.
360
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,270
I assure you,
361
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,105
the StayCoolHybrid
FirmRest Foam
362
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:59,190
-is exclusive to our store.
NED: Ah.
363
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,526
That's too bad,
since I'm a sleep researcher
364
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,112
and my wife is the person
who shaves people
365
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:07,115
-before our experiments--
-A nurse?
366
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,161
It's more specific than that.
367
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,997
We could really use
these savings.
368
00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,331
I wish I could help.
369
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:18,793
But the lumbar support,
it definitely will.
370
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,129
Heh, do you mind
just checking for us, though?
371
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,842
-She's very thorough.
-Yeah. I'm just gonna go, um--
372
00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:27,010
-Thank you.
-Let me see
373
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,178
if I can get my manager.
374
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,763
-Thank you.
-That'd be great.
375
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:38,438
Hi.
376
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,274
I am incredibly sorry
about my limp.
377
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,610
I hurt my foot last night.
378
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:44,611
[KEN SIGHS]
379
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:47,864
At my match.
Darts playoff final.
380
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:49,366
We won.
381
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:51,534
-I scored the winning double.
OSCAR: Hm.
382
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,453
This happened afterwards.
I was mugged.
383
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:55,580
Nearly mugged,
for the winnings and trophy.
384
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,083
Ken, I heard you dropped a dart
on your foot?
385
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,542
I did, indeed, sir.
386
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:03,296
This is just our bi-weekly
budget meeting with Marv
387
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:06,549
in which we have absolutely
nothing unusual planned.
388
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,260
And if I am rubbing
my hands together slightly,
389
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,054
it's because
it's chilly in here.
390
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,430
Everybody here?
391
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,891
ESMERALDA:
Yes, I believe we are all here.
392
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:17,227
Well, let me double check.
393
00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:20,855
One, two, three, four--
394
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,274
Oh, my God, where's Ned?
395
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,902
He was going to be
the fourth person I counted.
396
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,696
-No Ned.
-Yesterday, he said that
397
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:30,448
his time is too precious
to waste it
398
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,784
with boring,
pointless meetings.
399
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:36,496
Does Ned think
this is one of those?
400
00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,123
KEN:
Impossible. Surely.
401
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,083
MARV:
Hm.
402
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:41,793
Interesting way
to make an impression.
403
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,254
ESMERALDA: Right?
-Should we just call him?
404
00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,714
Oh, no. No, no need.
405
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:48,216
He knows about this meeting,
I left him a note.
406
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,634
KEN: She left him a note.
-Okay.
407
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:53,430
ESMERALDA:
Oh, MOB-MI-AB.
408
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,433
"Marv's Office
Budget Meeting In A Bit."
409
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,518
Yes, classic shorthand.
410
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,062
Ned doesn't have time
to read the whole sentence
411
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:04,482
while he's flirting all day long
with that U.S. troop.
412
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:11,531
Okay, would you rather be able
to speak to animals
413
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:12,991
-or...
DETRICK: Mm...
414
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,452
...speak any human language
ever that you want?
415
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,328
Speak to animals.
416
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,581
-Yeah.
-No one talks to animals.
417
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:20,790
-Right.
-Um...
418
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,709
-We could talk about your bird?
-Um...
419
00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,919
Well, Cardi Beek
was given to me as a gift.
420
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,797
And then I just...
I just got attached.
421
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:29,758
Who gives a live bird
as a gift to someone?
422
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,968
So much work, it's like
handing someone a baby.
423
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,428
That's psychotic.
424
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:34,971
-It's pretty psychotic, right?
-[DETRICK LAUGHS]
425
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:37,098
Yeah. No, this--
This guy I used to date...
426
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:40,602
Oh, um, what happened? Was the--
The bird the last straw?
427
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,520
[LAUGHS]
No, his wife was.
428
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:44,898
DETRICK:
Ooh. Um...
429
00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:50,737
Let's-- Let's keep going. Um...
What's, um... What's your--?
430
00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:53,365
What's your favorite brand
of ketchup?
431
00:17:57,285 --> 00:18:00,121
Where the heck is this guy?
I'm starting to get worked up!
432
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:03,333
ANN: Don't get worked up, Marv.
-Ann's right.
433
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,377
I'm not gonna get worked up.
434
00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:08,546
Let's get him on the phone. Ann!
435
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,301
Yes, Marv?
436
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:14,803
I think we should start.
437
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,472
Ned is so gifted
at delegating to me.
438
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,723
Let's start.
439
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:22,477
-False alarm, Ann.
-Oh, well.
440
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:25,563
It was time for me
to stretch my legs anyway, so...
441
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,440
-You okay?
ANN: Yeah, I'm good.
442
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:33,571
Right, so first on the docket,
paying for stories.
443
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:37,367
Turns out,
we have to do that, legally.
444
00:18:37,409 --> 00:18:39,661
Otherwise,
we don't own the stories.
445
00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:41,746
MARV: Huh.
-Oh, no, really?
446
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:45,250
I mean, that's going to cost
more money.
447
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,710
That's a big problem.
448
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:50,338
Maybe we could stop doing
original stories
449
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:54,050
and we could go back
to the way it was before Ned.
450
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:57,095
At least until we figure out
what's going on.
451
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,513
Hm.
452
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,682
Well, we don't have
453
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:02,517
unlimited money
to throw around--
454
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,269
We're all in agreement there,
but may--
455
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,022
That's why we should just wait
till Ned gets here
456
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,231
to talk about this.
457
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,567
His absence
has done his talking for him.
458
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,652
-Don't you agree?
-Don't you?
459
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:18,658
Before we continue,
I have to...
460
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,454
use the restroom, please.
461
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:24,664
Please.
462
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:27,876
So formal.
463
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,131
[SIGHS]
464
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:35,133
All right, whatever.
465
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:36,593
The fix is in.
466
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:39,804
Ned is going to get screwed
by Esmeralda and Ken...
467
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:42,223
but if I go against them,
468
00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:45,643
Esmeralda will hold it
against me forever.
469
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:48,104
[SIGHS]
470
00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:51,983
This one's
actually pretty comfortable.
471
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:54,611
Oh, yeah, the Relaxer Cloud.
That's the one I went with.
472
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,988
You spent $2200?
473
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,157
Jesus, no,
that's for the queen.
474
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:01,117
Mine was like 600 on sale.
475
00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:02,660
-Six hundred?
-Yeah.
476
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,954
-What's that, like a twin?
-Mm-hmm.
477
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:06,790
What?
478
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,668
I-- Sorry,
I served our country.
479
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,169
I got used to a narrow bed
in the Army.
480
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:15,298
No-- Yes. Army. Got it.
481
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,758
NED:
Army? Come on.
482
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,844
You cannot choose
what kind of bed you wanna buy.
483
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,805
That's just the way
you were born.
484
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,641
If buying a twin bed
is what feels right,
485
00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:26,226
then that's what's right.
486
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,604
Doesn't make you any less
of a reporter, of anything.
487
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:32,440
It just means you've got
more space in your bedroom
488
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:34,859
to buy a desk
to do more reporting.
489
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:38,947
Oh, my God.
I just like being held, okay?
490
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,949
What's the point
of sleeping with someone
491
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:44,244
if you can't even feel them
because the bed is so big?
492
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,704
I mean, a king bed is like,
493
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,081
"Okay, goodnight,
see you tomorrow,
494
00:20:48,123 --> 00:20:49,833
hope nothing bad happens to you
in your sleep
495
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:52,544
because
I'd never know about it."
496
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,337
I mean,
Cindy is never coming back.
497
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:56,673
- She's getting her manager.
-Are you kidding?
498
00:20:56,715 --> 00:20:58,258
We've been here
like 20 minutes.
499
00:20:58,299 --> 00:20:59,968
She said she was coming back.
She has to.
500
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:01,720
Otherwise,
she's leaving herself open
501
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,513
to a bad
customer service review.
502
00:21:03,555 --> 00:21:04,848
She's coming back.
503
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:07,684
Yeah.
504
00:21:07,726 --> 00:21:09,185
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
505
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:11,688
NED:
Mm-hmm.
506
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:13,106
-Oh, you know what?
-Yeah?
507
00:21:13,148 --> 00:21:14,816
Um, this, uh, is my dad.
508
00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:15,984
-Mm-hmm.
-Um...
509
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,028
I'll be right back.
510
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:23,283
Hi, Mr. Willis, how are you?
511
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:27,162
Yes, no, I am
absolutely interested. Um...
512
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:29,456
Could I just have
until tomorrow morning
513
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:30,623
to get back to you?
514
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:34,336
Thank you so much,
you have a good day as well.
515
00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:35,545
Okay.
516
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:39,507
NED: How is he?
-Um, he's okay.
517
00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:41,551
COVID for like the fourth time.
518
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:46,890
NED:
Cindy?
519
00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:51,811
-Cindy?
-She's not coming back...
520
00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:53,021
-Cindy!
-...Ned.
521
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:56,441
I mean, I don't think
she's coming back.
522
00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:58,443
[SIGHS]
This is unreal.
523
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:01,529
-Hey.
MARE: What?
524
00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:02,697
Hey, look at this.
525
00:22:04,115 --> 00:22:07,327
Dayton Bold Manufacturers.
It's a mattress supplier.
526
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:08,870
You have that in there?
527
00:22:09,704 --> 00:22:11,456
-Yes.
-Direct number.
528
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:14,751
They've got a mattress store
caller ID. Should we?
529
00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:17,754
-I don't know. Should we?
-I think... I think we should.
530
00:22:17,796 --> 00:22:20,090
-Okay.
-I think I am.
531
00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:21,257
-Oh, my God, okay.
-I think I am.
532
00:22:21,299 --> 00:22:22,509
I think I'm doing it
right now.
533
00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:24,260
-Well, let me--
-Go.
534
00:22:24,302 --> 00:22:25,845
Of course
she'd come back right now.
535
00:22:25,887 --> 00:22:27,055
Yeah, you're good.
536
00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:31,267
Hi, no, it's not Cindy,
she's in the back.
537
00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:33,895
This is Ned, calling
from her desk with a question.
538
00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:35,397
I hope you can help me.
539
00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:38,566
Great, yes.
Could you crosscheck
540
00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:40,819
the different mattress names
that you have on file
541
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,946
against a model number
that I have here?
542
00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,698
Fantastic,
thank you very much.
543
00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:49,160
-It's AP 182928.
-Ask for all of them.
544
00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:52,872
Thank you, Amanda.
Yes, I've got a pen.
545
00:22:52,914 --> 00:22:55,333
Yeah, if you could give me
the different names.
546
00:22:56,418 --> 00:22:57,961
Uh-huh, and what else?
547
00:22:58,003 --> 00:23:00,088
Oh, my God, Amanda,
that's [BLEEP]ing great.
548
00:23:00,130 --> 00:23:01,965
Sorry, excuse my language.
549
00:23:03,008 --> 00:23:04,300
Thank you so much.
550
00:23:07,137 --> 00:23:08,722
ESMERALDA:
Wow, ha-ha!
551
00:23:08,763 --> 00:23:10,932
-So we all agree, right?
KEN: Yes.
552
00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:12,892
This is the end
of the experiment.
553
00:23:12,934 --> 00:23:17,147
Bring back wire stories,
save money. Easy math.
554
00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:20,400
I would talk to Ned before
we pull the plug on originals,
555
00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:22,027
but he's AWOL.
556
00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:23,278
KEN: Mmm.
ESMERALDA: Mm-mm.
557
00:23:23,319 --> 00:23:24,904
MARV:
No other cuts in the budget?
558
00:23:24,946 --> 00:23:28,783
No, sir. It is air-tight.
Like a puppy in a purse.
559
00:23:28,825 --> 00:23:29,993
[MARV & KEN CHUCKLE]
560
00:23:30,035 --> 00:23:31,745
[OSCAR & ESMERALDA
CLEAR THROATS]
561
00:23:31,786 --> 00:23:34,789
Okay.
I did find one thing.
562
00:23:34,831 --> 00:23:37,584
There's a line item
for a storage unit
563
00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:41,671
that, apparently, we've
been renting for nine years.
564
00:23:41,713 --> 00:23:43,923
Turns out,
it's an apartment unit.
565
00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:47,052
This is actually
a very funny mistake.
566
00:23:47,093 --> 00:23:49,387
Um, so what it was,
was Enervate,
567
00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:50,680
if I recall correctly,
568
00:23:50,722 --> 00:23:53,808
rented me a very small,
furnished apartment
569
00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:55,268
for a couple of weeks
570
00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:56,853
when I first moved over
from Saint Alban's,
571
00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:59,147
and that somehow,
God knows how,
572
00:23:59,189 --> 00:24:01,483
got filed as a warehouse.
573
00:24:03,443 --> 00:24:07,072
Oh, my God, can you even imagine
if my stuff is still in there?
574
00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:12,118
-No.
-Huh, that's odd.
575
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,038
What's this? No. No, no.
576
00:24:15,997 --> 00:24:17,290
I mean, that's just--
577
00:24:17,332 --> 00:24:18,833
I think
the simplest thing to do
578
00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:20,001
would be to get rid of that,
579
00:24:20,043 --> 00:24:22,128
um...
just in terms of
580
00:24:22,170 --> 00:24:24,172
we don't wanna throw
good money after bad
581
00:24:24,214 --> 00:24:27,175
by looking into it
and hiring an investigator,
582
00:24:27,217 --> 00:24:28,677
-or-or that sort of stuff.
-Okay.
583
00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:31,471
So maybe we just put the money
back into the newspaper.
584
00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:32,847
Yay, journalism wins.
585
00:24:32,889 --> 00:24:34,474
-Hm, good!
-Good!
586
00:24:34,516 --> 00:24:36,893
-Glad we figured that out.
-I'm glad we figured that out.
587
00:24:36,935 --> 00:24:38,603
ESMERALDA:
I'm glad we figured it out.
588
00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:42,357
Wow, ha, ha! You're such
a little whiz kid.
589
00:24:42,399 --> 00:24:45,443
Ha! Whiz kid.
I'm 55, but thank you.
590
00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:47,070
ESMERALDA:
So little whiz guy.
591
00:24:47,112 --> 00:24:51,491
Okay, fine. I'm 59.
You got me.
592
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:52,492
[CHUCKLES]
593
00:24:58,373 --> 00:25:01,626
Wow, okay,
y'all are still here.
594
00:25:01,668 --> 00:25:03,003
Don't you people have jobs?
595
00:25:03,044 --> 00:25:04,462
We should probably say
596
00:25:04,504 --> 00:25:06,214
that we are reporters
from The Truth Teller
597
00:25:06,256 --> 00:25:08,550
doing a story
on consumer protection.
598
00:25:09,718 --> 00:25:11,302
I knew
your mother wasn't sick.
599
00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:13,221
We confirmed
with the manufacturer
600
00:25:13,263 --> 00:25:15,682
that your StayCoolHybrid
FirmRest Foam is, in fact,
601
00:25:15,724 --> 00:25:18,518
the same exact model as the one
at Twice Upon A Mattress.
602
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,187
Also, My Sleep Mattress,
Hammock Matters,
603
00:25:21,229 --> 00:25:23,481
Got Your Back Mattress,
Perfect Sleep Mattress,
604
00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:25,734
-Cloud Evolution.
BOTH: Pillow Mattress.
605
00:25:25,775 --> 00:25:28,319
Which should qualify them
for the price match guarantee.
606
00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:32,198
-They're the same bed.
-Okay. All right. So what?
607
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,658
There's no proof.
608
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:35,785
Other than some scribbles
on a piece of paper.
609
00:25:35,827 --> 00:25:37,203
If you wanna just...
610
00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:42,125
-And right over. It's Mandy.
-Oh, yeah, Mandy.
611
00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:47,213
Boo-ya! Shame on your ass!
612
00:25:47,255 --> 00:25:49,341
-All right.
-Oh, no.
613
00:25:49,382 --> 00:25:53,053
-I, um, actually hate this job.
NED: Oh.
614
00:25:53,928 --> 00:25:55,513
I hate this stupid polo
615
00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:57,307
that they make you
pay for yourself.
616
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:00,560
I was too scared
to be a geologist,
617
00:26:00,602 --> 00:26:02,228
and now it's too late.
618
00:26:02,270 --> 00:26:04,647
So get your notepads out.
619
00:26:05,607 --> 00:26:07,067
Let's burn it all down.
620
00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:10,570
Let's get some water.
And then we can get into it.
621
00:26:10,612 --> 00:26:11,654
-Yeah.
-I'll help.
622
00:26:11,696 --> 00:26:13,198
-Get some water?
-I'm gonna write it too.
623
00:26:13,239 --> 00:26:15,158
-We're all good. Well...
-I'll write it.
624
00:26:27,337 --> 00:26:28,296
Hey.
625
00:26:29,339 --> 00:26:31,883
I actually have
a lot of work to do.
626
00:26:31,925 --> 00:26:33,510
It'll just take a second.
627
00:26:33,551 --> 00:26:37,180
Um, so it was hard to crack,
but I think I figured it out.
628
00:26:37,222 --> 00:26:41,393
So, your two truths are,
you do hate camping
629
00:26:41,434 --> 00:26:44,229
and you are allergic
to pecans.
630
00:26:44,270 --> 00:26:47,649
And the lie was, um,
you dated a married guy.
631
00:26:52,153 --> 00:26:55,031
Yep. You nailed it.
632
00:26:56,074 --> 00:26:58,493
There we go. Um, thanks again.
633
00:27:15,427 --> 00:27:19,014
MARE:
"How do you sleep at night?"
634
00:27:20,306 --> 00:27:23,059
-That's great.
-It is, isn't it?
635
00:27:23,101 --> 00:27:24,894
-It's great.
-I thought it was.
636
00:27:24,936 --> 00:27:26,062
Yep.
637
00:27:26,104 --> 00:27:28,064
God, I just hope
Cindy finds peace.
638
00:27:28,106 --> 00:27:29,566
[NED CHUCKLES]
639
00:27:30,650 --> 00:27:31,693
[MARE SIGHS]
640
00:27:31,735 --> 00:27:33,695
Listen,
I have to be honest with you.
641
00:27:35,363 --> 00:27:38,658
I was perhaps
a little overexuberant
642
00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:42,120
earlier on
with my 95 percent assessment
643
00:27:42,162 --> 00:27:44,748
of the paper's chance
of success.
644
00:27:45,665 --> 00:27:47,125
Oh.
645
00:27:47,167 --> 00:27:49,502
The industry is in shambles.
646
00:27:49,544 --> 00:27:52,672
People hate reporters
right now.
647
00:27:52,714 --> 00:27:54,007
I mean, our staff...
648
00:27:54,049 --> 00:27:57,719
-Sucks.
-No, but it is what it is.
649
00:27:57,761 --> 00:28:01,473
-A 95 percent was optimistic.
-Sure.
650
00:28:02,891 --> 00:28:04,726
It's probably closer to 85.
651
00:28:09,397 --> 00:28:10,857
Okay.
652
00:28:10,899 --> 00:28:13,860
"Nothing great was ever achieved
without enthusiasm."
653
00:28:13,902 --> 00:28:16,571
According to a poster
in my middle school hallway...
654
00:28:16,613 --> 00:28:17,906
-Ah.
-...so.
655
00:28:17,947 --> 00:28:20,408
Mine said, "Breakdancing
will result in expulsion."
656
00:28:20,450 --> 00:28:21,826
-[LAUGHING] Sure.
-So.
657
00:28:21,868 --> 00:28:24,371
I don't know. I'm young.
658
00:28:24,412 --> 00:28:27,374
The hospitality world
will always be there.
659
00:28:27,415 --> 00:28:28,667
I'll see you tomorrow?
660
00:28:30,043 --> 00:28:31,169
Yeah.
661
00:28:32,295 --> 00:28:35,090
-Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.
-Cool.
662
00:28:38,009 --> 00:28:39,469
All right, buddy.
663
00:28:40,387 --> 00:28:41,638
Yeah, night, dude.
664
00:28:42,889 --> 00:28:46,351
Also, who could break up
"Buddy and The Dude"?
665
00:28:47,602 --> 00:28:49,646
NED:
Yeah. I'm feeling good.
666
00:28:49,688 --> 00:28:53,566
Another one down.
We did good journalism.
667
00:28:53,608 --> 00:28:54,526
And...
668
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,112
there's a budget meeting?
669
00:28:58,279 --> 00:29:00,198
Shit. Uh...
670
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,367
[UPBEAT THEME PLAYING]
671
00:29:05,787 --> 00:29:07,247
[MARV LAUGHS]
672
00:29:07,288 --> 00:29:09,290
Shame on them.
673
00:29:10,583 --> 00:29:13,128
-Ann!
-Right here, Marv.
674
00:29:13,169 --> 00:29:14,838
Don't fire Ned!
675
00:29:16,256 --> 00:29:18,299
You nev-- You never told me
to fire Ned.
676
00:29:18,341 --> 00:29:20,468
I would've written it
in my book.
677
00:29:21,636 --> 00:29:24,472
Then who'd--?
Who did we fire?
678
00:29:25,932 --> 00:29:27,183
Nobody?
679
00:29:28,768 --> 00:29:29,686
Good.
680
00:29:33,481 --> 00:29:35,608
[UPBEAT THEME PLAYING]
49557
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