Original subtitles

Ladies and gentlemen, it's "The Eric Andre Show"!

Come on. Give me more. Give me more.

Yeah!

Wait a minute. You're not a frog.

What do you think of my body?

Amazing. You look glycerin. You look like you lost a lot of weight.

All I did... steroids. That was it.

You look good.

I'm eating whatever the fuck I want.

Me too.

Welcome to season 6.

Where's Hannibal?

This estate is about to get real.

Bust me nugs! I got to buy a house!

So, it's four bedrooms, two baths, 1936.

-What's up, Karl Narcs? -What's up Karl Narcs?

Dude, I totally know you. We were at the Quibi funeral.

I don't even know who that is was or what...

-Yo, are these real hardwood floors? -They are.

Mind if I Riverdance on them?

-I'm sorry, dude. -Come on, man.

Shit!

-Out! -Can you just calm down?

I'm looking for a realtor, not a real'a bore.

I asked you already three times to leave.

My party guests are here, dude!

You always give a party in the house before you buy it!

Get the fuck out!

Ladies and gentlemen, Lil Nas X!

Welcome, Nas!

Lil Nas!

You look amazing.

-You look incredible. -Thank you.

Now, you were named after a Toyota Prius or a Huffy bike or something?

My mom, she just wanted a Mitsubishi Montero really bad, so she...

And did she sleep with Nas?

When's the last time your mother had sex?

I'm not sure when's the last time my mom had sex.

How much does your mother weigh?

-What... -Little Nas.

Little Nas, are you working on your raps?

How's it feel know...

Oh, shit! No. Watch out. Watch out!

I'm sorry. You okay back there?

Jesus! That was a Big Nas X.

Sorry. I got a little overzealous. You want some grapes?

They're edible. They're vegan.

None for me because of the plight of the migrant workers.

That was nice.

You alright?

What sort of grapes are those?

They're from my neighbor. I think he put glass in the grapes he gave me.

What the fuck!

What the...

I'm sorry. I got too much stuff going on, man.

-What's in your mouth? -I love your energy, man.

-When the fuck did you do that? -Girl!

Help! Help me! Is someone there?

-Hello? Are you okay? -Hello. Help me!

-Are you okay, sir? -The scaffolding fell down on me.

-Oh, you're kidding me. -Oh, God!

I think you should just sit down, sir.

My friend and I were playing Jenga with the bricks.

And we got carried away, and the whole thing... fell down on me.

-This is crazy! -I'm a Jenga adrenaline junkie.

I mean, you should have seen me on 9/11.

It was the most high-stakes game of Jenga ever.

You've been in there God only knows how long.

Oh shit my beers are in here! Nice!

They're a little hot, but they make hot sake, right?

This is not safe.

I need a beer to calm my nerves.

Okay, I'll give you a beer, but you got to... calm down.

You're nursing me back to health. You got a husband?

-I'm married. I'm a married woman. -Some guys have all the luck.

But you should just sit.

Me and you can move to Mexico together, start a tequila distillery.

I don't love mescal. It's a little smoky for me.

-No, no, you got to sit, please. -You gave me too much beer.

No, you took a sip, and that was it.

You fuck my ass up. My partner was in there, too.

-Hello? There's another one in there. -You need a beer, Joe?

-Give him a beer. -Help!

This time we'll get you full of milk. You want some milk?

How long did it take you to put on this outfit?

Like 10 minutes.

You've been very outstanding looking today.

Everybody's hot in the city for sure.

Everybody's hot in the center of their booty hole.

-Is that what you were gonna say? -No.

We finish each other's sentences.

Yeah.

-That's a lot of clay. -I made this sculpture of you.

-I don't want to get it on my outfit. -I think I need some more clay.

-Hey. How you doing? -They tell you about the bug issue?

-There's a bug issue? -If you see anything, let me know.

I mean, I'm gonna spray the fruit, and I'm gonna spray all the food.

-Oh, my God. -Just in case.

-Dude, you're spraying the phone. -No, a little bit of... Look.

-Oh, my God. -It's not that bad.

It actually lowers my anxiety. It's almost like Xanax.

Can you maybe mention that I'm Jewish? I want to, like, get a...

That you're Jewish?

If you mention that, I could get off for high holidays.

-Got to work. -Yeah. I'll be back.

Okeydoke.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Is that the queen? Where's she go? Where are you, girl?

What happened?

-A thing... -Like the queen?

It was like a... I don't know.

Did it look like this? She was on the cover of Bugs Weekly.

It couldn't have possibly been a bug that big. What was that?

Check this out. I actually made the centerfold.

Okay.

Oh, God. There's bugs in this thing now, too.

-Hey. You want a bug-flavored Kraz? -No. What?

All my favorite bugs in one soda.

Hakuna matata. Am I right, sister?

-I'm leaving. -Did you want some?

Hoochie coochie coo! Karrueche Tran!

-Happy birthday. -Thank you so much.

Now, your full name is

Snootchie Bootchie Karrueche Transportation Department Bonaduce.

Karreuche Kan! Karreuche Kan! Karreuche Kan! Karreuche! Girl, welcome!

-Do you think I'm strong? -No.

-Oh shit! You alright? -You just hurt my foot.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.

Yeah, man.

-What is happening? -Kind of a mess.

You want to see my Chunky doll?

-Chunky! -"I'm Chunky! Let's eat!"

Shit! Chunky, what's up?

Alright, Chunky, enough. You're bothering her. Get the fuck out of here.

You if I dedicate this episode to my uncle?

Sure.

Shit!

Oh, my God.

-Is it crunchy? -It tastes horrible.

I ain't dead yet motherfucker.

He only cremated my arms!

He only cremated my arms.

How you doing, my man? You the morgue?

You mind grabbing the right side of that door for me, man?

My partner called out sick. Yeah, just yank that one. Thank you so much.

-Are these the bodies? -Oh shit!

Shit!

You mind helping me just...

Help! I'm not dead!

You know, a body can actually talk for a while after it dies.

You got to help these people. If he's in there alive...

-I think we got to kill him. -Oh, no, no, no!

Yeah. You got a bat or something? Or a crowbar?

No. I can't get part of that. Oh, no.

Well, help me! What should I do?

-Put him back inside here and then... -Have the garage close on his neck?

No!

We're either killing one of these bodies or we're fucking one of these bodies.

No. We can't do that, friend.

I got to get rid of this body, man.

Help! I'm not dead!

Ladies and gentlemen, Denzel Curry!

You know I'm flossing on your bitch ass

Yeah, yeah I'm flossing on your bitch ass

Dental Curry!

Hey, you want some curry?

Denzel Curry. There you go. You need your strength.

-No! -Keep rapping!