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1
00:00:06,470 --> 00:00:09,398
- ? I'm goin' down
to South Park ?
2
00:00:09,399 --> 00:00:11,349
? Gonna have myself a time
3
00:00:11,350 --> 00:00:12,952
- ? Friendly faces
everywhere ?
4
00:00:12,953 --> 00:00:14,815
? Humble folks
without temptation ?
5
00:00:14,816 --> 00:00:16,029
- ? I'm goin' down
to South Park ?
6
00:00:16,030 --> 00:00:17,806
? Gonna leave my woes behind ?
7
00:00:17,807 --> 00:00:19,585
- ? Ample parking day
or night ?
8
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,491
? People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ?
9
00:00:21,492 --> 00:00:22,704
- ? I'm headin' on down
to South Park ?
10
00:00:22,705 --> 00:00:24,707
? Gonna see
if I can't unwind ?
11
00:00:24,829 --> 00:00:27,949
- ? [mumbling] ?
12
00:00:27,950 --> 00:00:29,162
- ? Come on down
to South Park ?
13
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,991
? And meet some friends
of mine ?
14
00:00:35,015 --> 00:00:38,235
[twangy guitar music]
15
00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:41,083
- Betsy! Betsy!
Guess what?
16
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:43,032
My dad took me
to the Asian pop-up store.
17
00:00:43,033 --> 00:00:44,208
Look what I got.
18
00:00:44,290 --> 00:00:46,553
Serenity Labubu.
19
00:00:46,674 --> 00:00:48,755
- Oh, it's so cute!
- Isn't it?
20
00:00:48,756 --> 00:00:50,228
- I was at
the Asian pop-up too.
21
00:00:50,229 --> 00:00:51,317
- No way!
22
00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:52,785
- Yeah, look what I got.
23
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,475
The Loyalty Labubu!
24
00:00:54,476 --> 00:00:56,739
- Oh, my God, it's so cute!
25
00:00:56,860 --> 00:00:58,983
- I know, right?
- Yeah, I love it.
26
00:00:58,984 --> 00:01:00,935
- Oh, dude, dude,
check it out.
27
00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,147
It's about to happen again.
28
00:01:02,148 --> 00:01:03,447
- Ah, shit.
29
00:01:03,448 --> 00:01:05,789
- I actually have
Loyalty Labubu already,
30
00:01:05,790 --> 00:01:07,218
and I have a little costume
for it.
31
00:01:07,219 --> 00:01:09,439
- That is seriously so cute.
32
00:01:09,559 --> 00:01:11,597
- Kenny, you guys,
girls with Labubus.
33
00:01:11,598 --> 00:01:12,810
It's about to happen again.
34
00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,717
- [muffled speech]
- Come on!
35
00:01:14,718 --> 00:01:16,158
- And then, believe it or not,
36
00:01:16,191 --> 00:01:18,759
I actually have
Chestnut Cocoa Labubu.
37
00:01:18,835 --> 00:01:21,348
- No way!
That is the rarest one.
38
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:22,829
- Isn't it so cute?
39
00:01:22,953 --> 00:01:25,510
- So thinking cute!
But it's really rare.
40
00:01:25,511 --> 00:01:26,723
Are you sure
it's not a knockoff?
41
00:01:26,724 --> 00:01:27,774
- Oh, dog, here we go.
42
00:01:27,851 --> 00:01:29,367
- Yeah, I checked.
43
00:01:29,368 --> 00:01:31,577
If anyone's fake, it's probably
yours, you fat bitch.
44
00:01:31,578 --> 00:01:33,189
- Suck it, skank!
- Eat shit!
45
00:01:33,311 --> 00:01:34,361
- Stupid slut!
46
00:01:34,482 --> 00:01:36,093
[screaming, cheering]
47
00:01:36,216 --> 00:01:37,266
- Ahh!
48
00:01:37,386 --> 00:01:39,293
- [screams]
49
00:01:39,294 --> 00:01:40,462
- Yeah, yeah!
50
00:01:40,463 --> 00:01:42,727
[blows landing]
51
00:01:42,847 --> 00:01:44,370
- Yeah, yeah!
- Hey!
52
00:01:44,494 --> 00:01:46,747
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
break it up, break it up!
53
00:01:46,748 --> 00:01:49,229
- She's rubbing everyone's
noses in her Labubus.
54
00:01:49,306 --> 00:01:52,729
- Both of you to the
counselor's office, now!
55
00:01:52,730 --> 00:01:54,645
- She totally started it!
- I did not.
56
00:01:54,767 --> 00:01:56,197
Shut up. I did not.
57
00:01:56,198 --> 00:01:58,060
- She came up to me
at my locker with her Labubu
58
00:01:58,061 --> 00:01:59,490
and started talking shit.
59
00:01:59,491 --> 00:02:02,538
- You talk shit about
my Labubus every day, whore.
60
00:02:03,826 --> 00:02:05,305
- Um...
61
00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:07,083
yea, love your enemies
62
00:02:07,206 --> 00:02:09,157
and pray for those
who persecute you.
63
00:02:09,158 --> 00:02:11,756
- Tell her to stop saying
my Labubus are knockoffs.
64
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:15,138
- I-I'm sorry,
what is a Labubu?
65
00:02:15,139 --> 00:02:16,785
- It's a little
monster accessory.
66
00:02:16,786 --> 00:02:18,100
- They come in blind boxes,
67
00:02:18,101 --> 00:02:19,689
so you never know
which one you're gonna get.
68
00:02:19,690 --> 00:02:21,119
- Like, you could just luck out
69
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:22,939
and get a Time to Chill
Pajama Gold Labubu.
70
00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:24,500
- Oh, my God,
that one is so cute.
71
00:02:24,501 --> 00:02:26,710
- It's so cute, right?
72
00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:28,184
- Uh, all right, ladies,
73
00:02:28,185 --> 00:02:29,960
w-why don't you just
give me the dolls
74
00:02:29,961 --> 00:02:31,521
until the end
of the school day?
75
00:02:31,522 --> 00:02:32,958
both: That's not fair!
76
00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:34,296
- Go on out to recess.
77
00:02:34,297 --> 00:02:36,288
You can pick up your Labubus
after school.
78
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,933
- Wow. What kind of counseling
was that?
79
00:02:38,934 --> 00:02:40,936
- I don't know, Jesus sucks, dude.
80
00:02:41,058 --> 00:02:43,267
- Our old counselor
was so much better.
81
00:02:43,268 --> 00:02:46,215
[melancholy music]
82
00:02:46,216 --> 00:02:52,091
?
83
00:02:52,197 --> 00:02:55,231
[kids screaming]
84
00:02:55,232 --> 00:02:56,661
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
get some more over there.
85
00:02:56,662 --> 00:02:58,264
- This side's starting to fall.
86
00:02:58,265 --> 00:02:59,608
- We are the kings
of the castle!
87
00:02:59,609 --> 00:03:01,002
Let us in!
88
00:03:01,082 --> 00:03:02,431
- Hey, Butters.
89
00:03:02,556 --> 00:03:05,559
- Oh, well, uh, hey, Red.
90
00:03:05,634 --> 00:03:08,071
- Um, I was just wondering
91
00:03:08,190 --> 00:03:09,750
what you're doing this weekend.
92
00:03:13,392 --> 00:03:14,605
- Who, me?
93
00:03:14,606 --> 00:03:16,035
- Yeah.
94
00:03:16,036 --> 00:03:17,855
Um, I'm having a birthday party
at my house,
95
00:03:17,856 --> 00:03:21,990
and I was seeing if maybe
you'd want to come hang out?
96
00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:25,787
- You're talking about me?
97
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,738
- Yeah, I don't know,
it's probably stupid.
98
00:03:27,739 --> 00:03:29,482
I shouldn't have asked.
Never mind.
99
00:03:29,483 --> 00:03:31,292
- No, no, I'd love to come
hang out with you
100
00:03:31,293 --> 00:03:32,332
on your birthday, Red.
101
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:33,329
- Really? You would?
102
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:34,326
- Well, sure!
103
00:03:34,327 --> 00:03:35,756
- Okay, that's great.
104
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,186
I'll text you all the details.
105
00:03:37,187 --> 00:03:39,050
- Okay, Red,
I'll see you there.
106
00:03:39,051 --> 00:03:40,655
- Okay, and um,
107
00:03:40,656 --> 00:03:42,388
maybe I'll text you
my birthday wishlist, too,
108
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,252
in case, you know,
you want to get me a present.
109
00:03:44,253 --> 00:03:45,993
- Sure thing!
110
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,716
Oh, my God, you guys,
111
00:03:50,841 --> 00:03:52,660
Red wants to hang out with me!
112
00:03:52,661 --> 00:03:54,567
- That's incredible!
113
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,431
- Bro, it seems like
she really likes you.
114
00:03:56,432 --> 00:03:58,478
[phone chimes]
115
00:03:58,556 --> 00:04:00,966
BUTTERS: "Really excited
to see you Saturday."
116
00:04:01,026 --> 00:04:02,245
Whoa.
117
00:04:02,370 --> 00:04:04,372
Me and Red.
- Lucky.
118
00:04:04,451 --> 00:04:05,771
[notification swooshes]
119
00:04:05,837 --> 00:04:09,434
BUTTERS: "Here is my birthday
gift wishlist."
120
00:04:09,435 --> 00:04:11,168
[notifications swoosh]
121
00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:14,172
"This exact Labubu."
122
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:20,877
Holy shit, you guys,
you know what I think?
123
00:04:20,878 --> 00:04:23,347
I think on Saturday I'm gonna
find out if red-haired girls
124
00:04:23,348 --> 00:04:24,604
have a red bush!
125
00:04:24,605 --> 00:04:26,216
- Wow!
- Wow!
126
00:04:26,339 --> 00:04:28,298
[upbeat music]
127
00:04:28,376 --> 00:04:29,805
- ? Yeah, yeah ?
128
00:04:29,806 --> 00:04:31,416
[singing in foreign language]
129
00:04:31,497 --> 00:04:36,957
? ?
130
00:04:36,958 --> 00:04:39,265
- Welcome to
City Asian Pop-Up Store.
131
00:04:39,342 --> 00:04:41,768
Can I take a order, please?
132
00:04:41,769 --> 00:04:44,598
- Wait, didn't this place
used to be City Wok?
133
00:04:44,716 --> 00:04:46,754
- Yeah, but whole country
change.
134
00:04:46,755 --> 00:04:47,836
Didn't you hear the news?
135
00:04:47,837 --> 00:04:49,397
Wok is dead.
136
00:04:49,398 --> 00:04:51,998
This City Pop-Up now.
What do you like to have?
137
00:04:51,999 --> 00:04:53,514
We got City Pop-up
key chains,
138
00:04:53,515 --> 00:04:54,908
City cell phone charm,
139
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:56,643
City anime sculpture.
140
00:04:56,723 --> 00:04:58,932
- Well, actually,
I'm looking for a Labubu.
141
00:04:58,933 --> 00:05:01,197
- Ah, yeah,
everyone love Labubu.
142
00:05:01,274 --> 00:05:02,919
They real hard
to keep in stock.
143
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,087
Very expensive
'cause of tariffs.
144
00:05:05,088 --> 00:05:06,864
- You know, uh,
it's really important.
145
00:05:06,865 --> 00:05:08,180
I got this new girlfriend,
146
00:05:08,181 --> 00:05:10,678
and she wants this specific
Labubu for her birthday.
147
00:05:10,679 --> 00:05:12,672
- Oh, that very rare Labubu.
148
00:05:12,673 --> 00:05:14,849
You only find that
in a mystery box.
149
00:05:14,971 --> 00:05:16,363
- Mystery box?
150
00:05:16,364 --> 00:05:18,306
- Hi. Are you guys
still serving food?
151
00:05:18,307 --> 00:05:20,561
- No, no, no, Wok is dead.
Haven't you heard the news?
152
00:05:20,562 --> 00:05:22,208
?
153
00:05:22,209 --> 00:05:23,985
- Can't I just buy this Labubu?
154
00:05:23,986 --> 00:05:25,466
- No, that not the way it work.
155
00:05:25,589 --> 00:05:27,582
You buy mystery box,
you open it,
156
00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:29,316
hopefully you get
the one you want.
157
00:05:29,317 --> 00:05:30,963
- Okay, how much
is a mystery box?
158
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,914
- $85.
159
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,003
- 85?
160
00:05:34,128 --> 00:05:35,948
- Yeah, you gotta pay tariff.
161
00:05:35,949 --> 00:05:37,378
You think I pay tariff?
No, no, no, no.
162
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,728
You pay tariff.
163
00:05:38,809 --> 00:05:40,159
- Well, okay, I'll take one.
164
00:05:40,283 --> 00:05:43,504
? ?
165
00:05:52,323 --> 00:05:56,622
- Yeah, well, Wok is dead,
you stupid bitch!
166
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:57,967
Stop nagging me!
167
00:05:57,968 --> 00:05:59,483
[package tears]
BUTTERS: Ah, dang it!
168
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,008
This is the wrong one!
169
00:06:01,131 --> 00:06:03,220
- Oh, yeah, that just
Happiness Labubu.
170
00:06:03,298 --> 00:06:04,640
Very common. Very common.
171
00:06:04,641 --> 00:06:06,505
You try again, $85.
172
00:06:06,506 --> 00:06:08,715
- I have to pay another $85
173
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,492
and I still might not get
the one I want?
174
00:06:10,493 --> 00:06:12,486
- Hey, it's not me,
it's your government.
175
00:06:12,487 --> 00:06:13,787
I don't get fucked by tariff.
176
00:06:13,788 --> 00:06:15,477
You get fucked by tariff.
177
00:06:15,478 --> 00:06:18,307
In China, we call that
hot potato.
178
00:06:18,425 --> 00:06:19,681
[dynamic music]
179
00:06:19,682 --> 00:06:21,674
ANNOUNCER:
You're watching Fox News.
180
00:06:21,675 --> 00:06:24,156
REPORTER: The president
has just returned
181
00:06:24,277 --> 00:06:27,266
from his historic
tariff summit overseas.
182
00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:30,170
There's the president now,
looking handsome as ever.
183
00:06:30,171 --> 00:06:32,207
Oh, and there's
the Prince of Darkness,
184
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:35,199
who's been traveling with the
president as of late.
185
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,278
The president has made his way
off of Air Force One
186
00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:39,489
and will now speak to
a diverse crowd of reporters.
187
00:06:39,490 --> 00:06:41,223
[reporters clamoring]
188
00:06:41,224 --> 00:06:43,910
- Mr. Pre-Mr. President,
how did the tariff meetings go?
189
00:06:43,911 --> 00:06:45,652
- Ah, they went great, buddy!
190
00:06:45,731 --> 00:06:47,385
[reporters clamoring]
191
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:50,152
- Mr. President, we're all
dying to know something.
192
00:06:50,153 --> 00:06:52,535
Your wife, Melania, has been
staying in New York
193
00:06:52,536 --> 00:06:53,923
and away from the White House.
194
00:06:53,924 --> 00:06:55,186
- That's right!
195
00:06:55,310 --> 00:06:58,357
- Well, what Fox News really
wants to know is
196
00:06:58,474 --> 00:07:00,302
are you fucking Satan?
197
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,728
- No! I'm not fucking Satan!
198
00:07:03,849 --> 00:07:06,330
- We're just
sorta hanging out.
199
00:07:06,449 --> 00:07:08,227
- Oh, come on, President Trump.
200
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,873
With everything
you've been doing,
201
00:07:09,874 --> 00:07:12,300
pretty much the whole country
thinks you're fucking Satan now.
202
00:07:12,301 --> 00:07:13,998
- I'm not fucking Satan!
203
00:07:14,078 --> 00:07:16,472
- Can we go, please?
204
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,969
- He is fucking Satan.
205
00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:23,006
- That guy's definitely
fucking Satan.
206
00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:24,046
What a stud.
207
00:07:24,047 --> 00:07:25,998
- Yeah, Fox News!
208
00:07:25,999 --> 00:07:28,597
PC PRINCIPAL:
All right, everyone, listen up,
209
00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:30,244
As you know, there's a lot
being done in the country
210
00:07:30,245 --> 00:07:32,238
to bring Christian values
back to our schools.
211
00:07:32,239 --> 00:07:33,972
Our new school counselor
has some concerns
212
00:07:33,973 --> 00:07:34,969
that I understand
he'd like to voice.
213
00:07:34,970 --> 00:07:36,020
Go ahead, Jesus.
214
00:07:38,177 --> 00:07:40,702
- Well, I'm just a bit confused
215
00:07:40,821 --> 00:07:42,931
about the dramatic rise
in fist fighting
216
00:07:42,945 --> 00:07:44,424
over these Labubus.
217
00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:45,598
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
218
00:07:45,719 --> 00:07:46,769
- Oh, the Labubus.
219
00:07:46,889 --> 00:07:48,795
- Kids go nuts for 'em.
220
00:07:48,796 --> 00:07:52,132
- I just don't quite understand
what the fascination is.
221
00:07:52,133 --> 00:07:54,516
- Well, they're just the new fad
of the month, you know.
222
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:57,030
- They make them scarce
and hard to find a secret one.
223
00:07:57,031 --> 00:07:59,501
- Yeah, and then all the kids
make their Labubu TikToks.
224
00:07:59,502 --> 00:08:01,148
- Labubu TikTok?
225
00:08:01,149 --> 00:08:02,838
- Yeah, the kids make 'em
and they watch 'em.
226
00:08:02,839 --> 00:08:04,139
I can pull one up.
227
00:08:04,140 --> 00:08:06,838
This is Kelly Bronson
from Mrs. Turner's class.
228
00:08:06,913 --> 00:08:09,860
- Hey, guys, this is another
Labubu unboxing video!
229
00:08:09,861 --> 00:08:11,118
I got this Labubu online.
230
00:08:11,119 --> 00:08:12,418
I'm pretty sure
it's not a Lafufu.
231
00:08:12,419 --> 00:08:13,892
I got the QR code right here.
232
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:16,015
We're gonna see what we got.
Hope it's a rare one.
233
00:08:16,016 --> 00:08:18,052
If it is, I'm absolutely
gonna freak out.
234
00:08:18,053 --> 00:08:20,447
Okay, let's see,
let's see, let's see!
235
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,820
- ? Labu ?
236
00:08:22,821 --> 00:08:24,640
- [screaming]
237
00:08:24,641 --> 00:08:25,990
Oh, my God!
238
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,855
Oh, my God!
239
00:08:27,979 --> 00:08:29,841
Okay, okay,
let's start the ritual.
240
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,011
- ? Labubu
241
00:08:31,012 --> 00:08:34,407
? Labu-bu
242
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,210
? La-bula-bula-bu-bu-bu-bu ?
243
00:08:37,211 --> 00:08:39,983
? La-bula-bula-bu-bu-bu-bu
244
00:08:39,984 --> 00:08:41,812
? Labubu, Labubu
245
00:08:41,935 --> 00:08:44,416
[static droning,
heavy breathing]
246
00:08:44,536 --> 00:08:47,931
- [screaming]
247
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,209
- What the hell was that?
248
00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:53,724
- That's a Labubu
unboxing TikTok.
249
00:08:53,725 --> 00:08:55,988
- Kids go nuts for 'em.
250
00:08:56,108 --> 00:08:58,546
- But that's, like,
some dark Satanic ritual.
251
00:08:58,666 --> 00:09:00,312
- Oh, yeah, Labubus are demonic.
252
00:09:00,313 --> 00:09:01,743
- Yeah, dark magic.
253
00:09:01,744 --> 00:09:03,389
- I don't know if they come that
way from China,
254
00:09:03,390 --> 00:09:06,076
or the kids are infusing them
with some Sumerian dark entity.
255
00:09:06,077 --> 00:09:07,383
- It's Mesopotamian.
256
00:09:07,508 --> 00:09:09,918
- Got it. So what are your
major concerns, Jesus?
257
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:13,012
- Bro.
258
00:09:13,013 --> 00:09:14,493
That's not normal.
259
00:09:14,616 --> 00:09:16,183
These kids are in trouble.
260
00:09:16,307 --> 00:09:18,874
- Yeah, that's why every school
needs a counselor.
261
00:09:18,994 --> 00:09:21,866
[dramatic music]
262
00:09:21,985 --> 00:09:23,421
? ?
263
00:09:26,709 --> 00:09:29,712
[upbeat music]
264
00:09:29,829 --> 00:09:32,256
[singing in foreign language]
265
00:09:32,257 --> 00:09:34,367
- Welcome City Pop-Up.
Take order, please.
266
00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:37,241
- I have $88.42 in here.
267
00:09:37,242 --> 00:09:38,800
I need to buy
another mystery box.
268
00:09:38,801 --> 00:09:42,196
- Oh, sorry,
Labubu mystery box $120.
269
00:09:42,313 --> 00:09:44,228
- What?
It was $85!
270
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,040
- Yeah, yeah, tariffs when up!
271
00:09:46,041 --> 00:09:48,163
You never know with tariffs.
They make no sense.
272
00:09:48,164 --> 00:09:49,513
- But that's not fair!
273
00:09:49,594 --> 00:09:51,587
- Yeah, no shit,
tariffs not fair!
274
00:09:51,588 --> 00:09:54,145
- Please, sir, my girlfriend's
party is today,
275
00:09:54,146 --> 00:09:55,661
and I have to get
the Labubu she wants.
276
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:56,788
Please!
277
00:09:56,789 --> 00:09:57,869
- It's okay, it's okay.
278
00:09:57,916 --> 00:09:59,396
I have idea.
279
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,609
You want mystery box
for cheap price?
280
00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,819
You use claw machine.
281
00:10:03,897 --> 00:10:05,154
You try your luck.
282
00:10:05,155 --> 00:10:07,191
Use claw machine
to get a mystery box,
283
00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:10,312
open it up, hopefully
you get good Labubu you want.
284
00:10:10,313 --> 00:10:11,309
[upbeat music]
285
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:12,912
- ? Labubu
286
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:15,655
? Labu-labu-labu
287
00:10:15,731 --> 00:10:17,515
? Labubu ?
288
00:10:17,638 --> 00:10:20,497
? Labu-labu-labu-labu ?
289
00:10:20,498 --> 00:10:21,798
MR. KIM: Oh, you so close.
290
00:10:21,799 --> 00:10:22,849
Try again.
291
00:10:22,969 --> 00:10:25,493
- Oh, jeez.
292
00:10:25,613 --> 00:10:27,441
- ? Labubu ?
293
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:30,900
- Oh, here we go.
294
00:10:30,901 --> 00:10:33,847
I get screwed by tariffs,
so I have to screw the children!
295
00:10:33,848 --> 00:10:35,284
What do you not understand?
296
00:10:35,409 --> 00:10:36,459
- [huffs]
297
00:10:37,827 --> 00:10:41,736
- Yeah, well, Wok's not
coming back, bitch!
298
00:10:41,737 --> 00:10:43,260
Go wok, go brok!
299
00:10:43,384 --> 00:10:44,951
[machine beeps]
- ? Labu ?
300
00:10:45,984 --> 00:10:48,682
JESUS: Thank you for coming,
Mrs. Paxton, Mrs. Gray.
301
00:10:48,801 --> 00:10:51,834
The reason I called you in today
is because your girls were
302
00:10:51,835 --> 00:10:54,609
in a major altercation
over their Labubus.
303
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:57,047
- Okay, so what are you gonna
do about it?
304
00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:59,337
- Well, I was hoping
we could work together
305
00:10:59,377 --> 00:11:01,803
to maybe just keep them away
from the Labubus.
306
00:11:01,804 --> 00:11:03,927
- Oh, sure, just take
their Labubus away.
307
00:11:03,928 --> 00:11:05,574
Great counseling.
308
00:11:05,575 --> 00:11:08,305
- Look, I have reason to believe
that the students are using
309
00:11:08,306 --> 00:11:11,384
Labubus for some kind of...
ritual.
310
00:11:11,385 --> 00:11:13,940
- Yeah, but to do that, you have
to have a super rare one.
311
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,237
- They're the only ones
girls can use in dark rituals.
312
00:11:16,238 --> 00:11:18,274
- You know that they're demonic?
313
00:11:18,275 --> 00:11:20,658
- Yeah.
What are we supposed to do?
314
00:11:20,659 --> 00:11:23,345
My daughter sees Kelly Miller
summoning demonic forces
315
00:11:23,346 --> 00:11:26,683
on TikTok, then she wants to be
like Kelly Miller.
316
00:11:26,684 --> 00:11:28,904
- Did Kelly Miller
summon demonic forces?
317
00:11:29,024 --> 00:11:30,714
- I don't know,
she hung herself.
318
00:11:30,715 --> 00:11:33,488
- Well, we should probably keep
the girls off of TikTok.
319
00:11:33,489 --> 00:11:35,291
- Oh, yeah,
just keep 'em off TikTok.
320
00:11:35,292 --> 00:11:37,172
That's some clever
counseling there.
321
00:11:37,173 --> 00:11:39,175
- Do you have kids?
- No, I don't.
322
00:11:39,253 --> 00:11:40,857
- Figures.
- Well, when you do,
323
00:11:40,858 --> 00:11:42,416
you try and keep 'em off
of TikTok
324
00:11:42,417 --> 00:11:44,158
and out of
the Asian pop-up store.
325
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:47,023
- Wait,
what is an Asian pop-up store?
326
00:11:47,099 --> 00:11:49,394
- That's where the girls get
all the Labubus.
327
00:11:49,395 --> 00:11:50,868
- Where did they find this guy?
328
00:11:50,869 --> 00:11:52,958
- We told you he was
a crappy counselor
329
00:11:54,901 --> 00:11:57,991
ANNOUNCER:
This is a Fox News Alert!
330
00:11:58,065 --> 00:12:00,981
- As debates
on American tariffs continue,
331
00:12:01,055 --> 00:12:03,525
the question on every
American's mind tonight,
332
00:12:03,569 --> 00:12:06,385
is President Trump
fucking Satan?
333
00:12:06,386 --> 00:12:08,552
The president's been seen less
and less with his wife
334
00:12:08,553 --> 00:12:10,417
and more often with his new pal,
335
00:12:10,418 --> 00:12:12,496
making people
all around the world say,
336
00:12:12,497 --> 00:12:15,748
"Donald Trump has got to be
fucking Satan, for sure."
337
00:12:15,749 --> 00:12:17,871
- Well, for all of us
who are still skeptical
338
00:12:17,872 --> 00:12:19,865
that President Trump
is fucking Satan,
339
00:12:19,866 --> 00:12:21,676
Fox News has obtained
some footage
340
00:12:21,730 --> 00:12:24,546
of President Trump seeming
to be fucking Satan.
341
00:12:24,547 --> 00:12:26,323
This was at
a golf course yesterday
342
00:12:26,324 --> 00:12:28,447
where the president was
heroically golfing.
343
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,440
You can just make out Satan
going behind a bush
344
00:12:30,441 --> 00:12:32,088
and President Trump
right there-
345
00:12:32,089 --> 00:12:34,255
he's fucking Satan.
Karen, what do you think?
346
00:12:34,256 --> 00:12:36,769
- I think the president is
definitely fucking Satan,
347
00:12:36,770 --> 00:12:38,764
and I love it.
348
00:12:38,765 --> 00:12:40,626
- Of course, a lot of Americans
still argue
349
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:43,011
there's no way the president
could be fucking Satan.
350
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,004
So we have a body language
expert to show us
351
00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:46,912
just how it is possible.
352
00:12:46,913 --> 00:12:49,946
- Well, if Mr. President Trump
is fucking Satan-
353
00:12:49,947 --> 00:12:51,766
and I'm not saying
if he is or isn't.
354
00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:53,977
I'm just kinda hoping he is-
355
00:12:53,978 --> 00:12:56,621
he mostly likely
is coming in from the back.
356
00:12:56,622 --> 00:12:59,091
Now, Satan has a pretty large
physical presence,
357
00:12:59,092 --> 00:13:01,215
so we're pretty sure President
Trump would have to get on top
358
00:13:01,216 --> 00:13:02,559
and-
- Ah!
359
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:04,205
- Oh, my God, the president
is doing things
360
00:13:04,206 --> 00:13:05,332
no other president
has done before.
361
00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:07,066
I love him.
362
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:08,973
- If you don't think President
Trump is fucking Satan,
363
00:13:08,974 --> 00:13:10,967
this definitely proves
how he could be!
364
00:13:10,968 --> 00:13:13,957
[upbeat music]
365
00:13:13,958 --> 00:13:18,354
[singing in foreign language]
366
00:13:18,467 --> 00:13:21,861
[angelic tones]
367
00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:24,845
- Welcome to City Asian
Pop-Up Store.
368
00:13:24,924 --> 00:13:26,398
Take order, please.
369
00:13:26,399 --> 00:13:28,868
- Are you the one that has been
selling all these Labubus
370
00:13:28,869 --> 00:13:30,471
to my students?
371
00:13:30,472 --> 00:13:31,816
- Oh, boy.
372
00:13:31,817 --> 00:13:34,286
Look, it not my fault,
these city prices, okay?
373
00:13:34,287 --> 00:13:35,846
Labubus very expensive.
374
00:13:35,847 --> 00:13:38,056
- Those dolls you are selling
are cursed!
375
00:13:38,057 --> 00:13:39,668
- Yeah, no shit they cursed.
376
00:13:39,748 --> 00:13:42,088
It's called tariff.
You pass it along.
377
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,562
I get the curse,
I put the curse on you.
378
00:13:43,563 --> 00:13:44,912
It's like AIDS.
379
00:13:45,036 --> 00:13:46,476
BUTTERS: Oh, my God, I got it!
380
00:13:46,596 --> 00:13:48,763
I got the super rare!
381
00:13:48,764 --> 00:13:50,496
- Hey, what the hell
you talking about?
382
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,186
- This is the one
my girlfriend wants!
383
00:13:52,187 --> 00:13:54,169
Now I can take it
to her birthday party!
384
00:13:54,170 --> 00:13:56,218
- My child, put that down,
it's dangerous!
385
00:13:56,219 --> 00:13:58,961
- Hey, hey, hold on,
that's super rare Labubu.
386
00:13:59,036 --> 00:14:01,691
That worth, like, $600.
You gotta pay more tariff.
387
00:14:05,797 --> 00:14:07,790
- Oh, my God, will you go away?
388
00:14:07,791 --> 00:14:09,437
- Listen, both of you!
389
00:14:09,438 --> 00:14:11,951
There are more important issues
at hand.
390
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,482
My child, you cannot take that
to a birthday party.
391
00:14:15,983 --> 00:14:17,680
- Ah, shit, where he go?
392
00:14:38,955 --> 00:14:41,208
- Satan?
393
00:14:41,209 --> 00:14:44,168
Why are you so sad?
394
00:14:44,287 --> 00:14:49,184
- I wish to be gone
from this place.
395
00:14:49,185 --> 00:14:51,491
- I do not understand.
396
00:14:51,612 --> 00:14:53,440
If you do not want to be here,
397
00:14:53,562 --> 00:14:56,304
then why do you stay?
398
00:14:56,423 --> 00:15:00,905
- I am forced to stay
by the dark tides of destiny.
399
00:15:01,017 --> 00:15:05,827
I wanted to leave months ago,
but I cannot
400
00:15:05,828 --> 00:15:10,137
because of what's in this box.
401
00:15:11,939 --> 00:15:14,072
- What's in the box?
402
00:15:14,150 --> 00:15:17,066
- The secret none must know,
403
00:15:17,141 --> 00:15:21,058
and yet, all will soon discover.
404
00:15:21,172 --> 00:15:24,175
I can feel the tides of change.
405
00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:28,166
The final showdown is upon us.
406
00:15:33,222 --> 00:15:36,442
[upbeat music playing]
407
00:15:36,515 --> 00:15:40,693
[indistinct chatter]
408
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:42,547
[blows landing]
409
00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:44,229
[doorbell rings]
410
00:15:44,230 --> 00:15:46,700
?
411
00:15:46,701 --> 00:15:49,051
- Happy birthday, Red!
412
00:15:49,172 --> 00:15:50,477
- Butters.
413
00:15:50,602 --> 00:15:52,952
Wait.
Is that what I think it is?
414
00:15:53,073 --> 00:15:56,163
- Well, you'll have to wait till
you open it to find out-
415
00:15:56,237 --> 00:15:57,449
Oh, all right then.
416
00:15:57,450 --> 00:16:00,397
?
417
00:16:00,398 --> 00:16:01,965
- [screaming]
418
00:16:03,388 --> 00:16:04,824
I love you, Butters!
419
00:16:04,949 --> 00:16:06,994
- Wow!
420
00:16:07,116 --> 00:16:08,204
- I got it, you guys!
421
00:16:08,329 --> 00:16:09,896
- Oh, wow!
- It's so cool!
422
00:16:09,976 --> 00:16:11,405
- Oh, it's so cute!
423
00:16:11,406 --> 00:16:12,799
- I got the super rare,
424
00:16:12,924 --> 00:16:14,403
all thanks to Butters.
425
00:16:14,528 --> 00:16:16,312
- So are you gonna do it?
426
00:16:16,391 --> 00:16:18,730
- Yeah! We're gonna go upstairs
and do it!
427
00:16:18,731 --> 00:16:20,161
- Whoa! We're gonna what?
428
00:16:20,162 --> 00:16:21,592
- Come up to my room, Butters!
429
00:16:21,593 --> 00:16:22,631
- Oh, my God!
430
00:16:22,632 --> 00:16:24,192
? ?
431
00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:25,535
- Hey, if anyone wants
to watch us do it,
432
00:16:25,536 --> 00:16:26,532
come on up!
433
00:16:26,533 --> 00:16:28,006
- Okay, yeah.
- Great.
434
00:16:28,007 --> 00:16:29,914
- Oh!
This is all really sudden, Red!
435
00:16:29,915 --> 00:16:31,083
Wait!
436
00:16:31,084 --> 00:16:33,391
[engine revving, tires squeal]
437
00:16:33,508 --> 00:16:35,504
[line ringing]
438
00:16:35,505 --> 00:16:38,279
[phone ringing]
439
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,923
- South Park Elementary.
I'm sorry, we're closed.
440
00:16:40,924 --> 00:16:42,440
- Bev! I need to know
which of the students
441
00:16:42,441 --> 00:16:44,348
has a birthday today.
442
00:16:44,349 --> 00:16:45,517
- Who is this?
443
00:16:45,518 --> 00:16:47,563
- It's me, Jesus!
444
00:16:47,641 --> 00:16:48,691
- Who?
445
00:16:48,813 --> 00:16:50,118
- The school counselor!
446
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,929
- Oh. I don't know who has
a birthday today.
447
00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:55,442
That was actually always
the counselor's job.
448
00:16:55,443 --> 00:16:58,563
- Can you just look it up
in the school records, please?
449
00:16:58,564 --> 00:16:59,820
- Hang on.
450
00:16:59,821 --> 00:17:02,171
Guess I'm doing your job
too now.
451
00:17:03,376 --> 00:17:05,455
- Okay, okay.
Oh, my God.
452
00:17:05,456 --> 00:17:07,588
I'm so excited to finally do it.
453
00:17:07,666 --> 00:17:10,626
- Well, yeah, I guess
I'm excited to do it, too, Red.
454
00:17:10,744 --> 00:17:12,433
- Okay, I think we're all ready.
455
00:17:12,434 --> 00:17:14,566
Here, you take a video
of the whole thing.
456
00:17:14,644 --> 00:17:16,854
- Whoa!
Can't we just kiss first?
457
00:17:16,855 --> 00:17:19,858
- Hey! What's up, guys?
This is my TikTok Labubu video.
458
00:17:19,976 --> 00:17:22,239
I got the super rare,
so let's see if it works.
459
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:23,666
- Hey, we want to watch.
460
00:17:23,747 --> 00:17:25,793
- Yeah, come on in, you guys.
461
00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:28,384
[chicken clucking]
462
00:17:28,385 --> 00:17:30,300
[all chanting]
Labubu, Labubu.
463
00:17:30,379 --> 00:17:31,981
Labubu, Labubu.
464
00:17:31,982 --> 00:17:34,365
- What the heck's going on?
all: Labubu, Labubu.
465
00:17:34,366 --> 00:17:35,709
[knife slashing, chicken cries]
- Ah!
466
00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,660
- [slurping]
- Oh, God!
467
00:17:37,661 --> 00:17:39,053
- [retching]
468
00:17:44,118 --> 00:17:46,817
[electricity sparking]
469
00:17:46,893 --> 00:17:48,503
all: Labubu, Labubu.
470
00:17:48,627 --> 00:17:52,108
Labubu, Labubu.
471
00:17:52,224 --> 00:17:54,217
- Here he comes!
472
00:17:54,218 --> 00:17:57,034
[low groaning]
473
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,689
- Ah!
474
00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:00,509
- We call the demonic forces!
475
00:18:00,632 --> 00:18:03,015
Appear before us
at my birthday party!
476
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:04,408
- This is so cool!
477
00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:07,014
- [growling]
478
00:18:07,133 --> 00:18:09,005
- Ta-da!
479
00:18:09,127 --> 00:18:11,033
all: Ew!
480
00:18:11,034 --> 00:18:12,904
- Wait, that thing
is fucking Satan?
481
00:18:12,985 --> 00:18:15,802
- No! I'm not fucking Satan!
482
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,805
[growls]
483
00:18:17,926 --> 00:18:20,005
[screaming]
484
00:18:20,006 --> 00:18:23,488
ANNOUNCER:
This is a Fox News Super Alert!
485
00:18:23,605 --> 00:18:26,724
- We may just have another
Trump and Satan spotting.
486
00:18:26,725 --> 00:18:28,112
The two are rumored to be
487
00:18:28,113 --> 00:18:29,758
in a small mountain town
in the Rockies.
488
00:18:29,759 --> 00:18:31,796
Let's go to
our Colorado affiliate.
489
00:18:31,797 --> 00:18:33,312
[metal scraping, wind blowing]
490
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,483
- Yeah, guys,
there's definitely black clouds
491
00:18:34,484 --> 00:18:36,693
and swarms of locusts here.
492
00:18:36,694 --> 00:18:39,120
Um, probably another
Labubu party.
493
00:18:39,121 --> 00:18:40,767
You know,
whenever there's a Labubu party,
494
00:18:40,768 --> 00:18:43,151
the president and Satan
usually make an appearance.
495
00:18:43,152 --> 00:18:44,668
- We've got our
eye in the sky now.
496
00:18:44,669 --> 00:18:46,056
Guys, what are you seeing?
497
00:18:46,057 --> 00:18:47,919
REPORTER:
Yeah, you can see little girls
498
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,567
running and screaming.
499
00:18:49,568 --> 00:18:51,603
The president just coming out
onto the front lawn-
500
00:18:51,604 --> 00:18:53,127
and yes, there is Satan.
501
00:18:53,251 --> 00:18:55,166
They're definitely
hanging out.
502
00:18:55,244 --> 00:18:57,845
- Come on, let's go!
503
00:18:57,846 --> 00:19:00,370
JESUS: Lucifer!
504
00:19:01,487 --> 00:19:02,656
- So...
505
00:19:02,657 --> 00:19:05,039
it is you.
506
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,163
- Just what are you doing,
Satan?
507
00:19:07,164 --> 00:19:08,854
I will know.
508
00:19:08,855 --> 00:19:10,640
[brakes squealing]
509
00:19:10,719 --> 00:19:13,635
- Okay, it looks like Jesus
Christ is now on the scene
510
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,005
for some kind of
biblical showdown.
511
00:19:16,006 --> 00:19:18,259
- I have seen your evil at work,
Satan.
512
00:19:18,260 --> 00:19:20,773
I bid you leave this realm
at once.
513
00:19:20,774 --> 00:19:22,993
- You think
I don't want to leave?
514
00:19:23,115 --> 00:19:25,073
I am bound to him!
515
00:19:25,151 --> 00:19:26,971
- Bound to him how?
516
00:19:26,972 --> 00:19:29,714
- All right, fine! Here!
517
00:19:29,789 --> 00:19:32,183
You all want to know the truth?
518
00:19:33,994 --> 00:19:36,388
Yes! We're together!
519
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,501
We've been together for months,
520
00:19:38,502 --> 00:19:41,940
and I want to leave him,
but I can't
521
00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:44,232
because...
522
00:19:44,310 --> 00:19:45,877
I'm pregnant.
523
00:19:54,669 --> 00:19:56,445
- He's pregnant?
524
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:57,621
- Whoa.
525
00:19:57,703 --> 00:19:59,531
- So now you all know.
526
00:19:59,654 --> 00:20:02,047
I am forced to stay
in this situation
527
00:20:02,123 --> 00:20:03,951
for several more years.
528
00:20:07,325 --> 00:20:10,502
- Uh, Satan is saying he's been
trapped at the White House
529
00:20:10,619 --> 00:20:12,700
because he's pregnant.
530
00:20:12,701 --> 00:20:14,779
Uh, let's get
our science expert in here
531
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,999
to see if
that's actually possible.
532
00:20:17,077 --> 00:20:20,472
- Yeah, uh, demonic pregnancies
work a little different.
533
00:20:20,588 --> 00:20:23,274
The term is "butt baby."
534
00:20:23,275 --> 00:20:24,835
- All right, well,
that seems to be it.
535
00:20:24,836 --> 00:20:28,100
Satan is pregnant with the
president's child.
536
00:20:28,173 --> 00:20:30,871
So Fox News can now confirm
537
00:20:30,991 --> 00:20:33,994
Donald Trump has been fucking
Satan this whole time.
538
00:20:34,112 --> 00:20:35,368
- Yeah!
[cheering]
539
00:20:35,369 --> 00:20:36,667
This is a great day
for Fox News.
540
00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:38,965
- Yes, Fox News!
541
00:20:38,966 --> 00:20:40,699
- For all the doubters
who thought Donald Trump
542
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:42,180
wasn't fucking Satan,
543
00:20:42,303 --> 00:20:43,820
in your face!
544
00:20:43,821 --> 00:20:45,770
We're gonna check in now
with Kid Rock.
545
00:20:45,771 --> 00:20:48,154
Kid, you must be overcome
with emotion.
546
00:20:48,155 --> 00:20:50,494
- I just-
I just honestly didn't think
547
00:20:50,495 --> 00:20:52,758
the president was fucking Satan,
but
548
00:20:52,879 --> 00:20:55,665
now knowing that he has been
this whole time,
549
00:20:55,740 --> 00:20:58,599
I'm just so happy.
550
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,981
[bell rings]
551
00:21:01,982 --> 00:21:04,711
JESUS: Well, I hope you guys
learned a valuable lesson.
552
00:21:04,712 --> 00:21:07,715
If you mess around
and you aren't safe,
553
00:21:07,832 --> 00:21:10,618
it can have really
big consequences.
554
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,984
- Yeah, I'm not having sex
for a long time.
555
00:21:14,985 --> 00:21:16,890
- And I'm done with Labubus.
556
00:21:16,891 --> 00:21:19,231
- Well, that's good,
because as your counselor,
557
00:21:19,232 --> 00:21:21,364
I'm banning Labubus from school.
558
00:21:21,442 --> 00:21:24,054
And TikTok.
And cell phones.
559
00:21:24,173 --> 00:21:25,256
Now get back to class.
560
00:21:25,257 --> 00:21:26,989
You both have detention
for two weeks.
561
00:21:26,990 --> 00:21:29,123
- Oh, man!
562
00:21:29,244 --> 00:21:31,367
- Wow, new counselor's
kind of a dick.
563
00:21:31,368 --> 00:21:34,458
- Yeah, but he's better
than the last guy.
564
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,089
- ? Labubu
565
00:21:45,396 --> 00:21:47,441
? La, labu-labu ?
566
00:21:47,442 --> 00:21:50,358
[theme music]
567
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:57,236
? ?
568
00:21:57,237 --> 00:22:01,787
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