Original subtitles

DID YOU ORDER LUNCH ALREADY?

'CAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE MEXICAN.

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE WE SHOULD--

[ CLANG! ]

T-SHIRT CANNON'S WORKING.

-NICE SHOT. -WE EVEN?

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

BRINGING TOYS TO WORK NOW?

WE'VE ALWAYS BROUGHT TOYS TO WORK.

IT'S EXHIBIT "A" IN OUR NEW CASE.

IT'S GONNA PUT THIS FIRM ON THE MAP.

YEAH. YOU KNOW HOW THEY SHOOT T-SHIRTS UP INTO THE CROWD

-AT LAKERS GAMES, CONCERTS? -NO.

DAMN NEAR KILLED OUR CLIENT.

SWEET OLD MAN, JUST EATING A PRETZEL,

-MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS -- -THAT'S A FASCINATING STORY.

I'M JUST GONNA WAIT FOR THE MOVIE... VERSION.

UM, BUT, I MEAN, IF YOU'RE HERE --

I MEAN, I'M HERE, YOU'RE HERE.

-TELL YOUR STORY. IT'S OKAY. -WHO'S OUT THERE?

THAT'S RICHARD TAFFLINGER.

HE'S A SENIOR PARTNER OUT OF THE NEW YORK OFFICE.

HE'S ALSO THE H.R. HATCHET MAN.

-WHOA. -WHO IS THAT WITH HIM?

TAFFLINGER ALWAYS BRINGS A WITNESS

WHEN HE BRINGS THE AX DOWN.

IF HE'S HERE, SOMEONE'S GETTING FIRED.

I'LL PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR YOU, KARPY.

YEAH. WE'LL WRITE YOU A GOOD LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION.

[ SHRIEKS ]

OH, THAT WAS GREAT. AWESOME FIRST IMPRESSION.

-IT'S A HAIR TRIGGER. -[ CHUCKLES ]

YEAH, TAKE NOTE. THAT'S GREAT FOR OUR CASE.

-YEAH. I DON'T HAVE A PEN. -[ CANNON FIRES ]

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

DAMIEN, CALM DOWN.

TAFFLINGER?

I'M ON THE NEXT PLANE HOME.

[ RECEIVER CLICKS ]

UH, DARLING? DARLING?

SORRY, BUT...I'VE GOT TO GO.

TROUBLE AT HOME.

UH, BOTH OF YOU, I'M AFRAID.

COME ON.

RENE! RENE?

WHAT DOES HE WANT FROM US?

Hanna: I DIDN'T ASK AND HE DIDN'T SAY,

BUT HE'S MEETING WITH EVERYONE.

ANY IDEA WHO HE'S AFTER?

WELL, I'VE HEARD STANTON MENTION HIM.

NOT A LOT OF LOVE LOST.

WELL, HE'S LOOKING FOR US TO NARC OUT STANTON.

I'D NARC OUT BOTH OF YOU IF I GOT A SHOT AT HIS PROTéGé.

[ SCOFFS ]

-HI. -HAVE A SEAT.

I'M RICHARD TAFFLINGER.

THIS IS MY ASSOCIATE, EMILY ADAMS.

HELLO.

HELLO.

IF YOU WANT US TO RAT,

YOU MIGHT AS WELL HEAD BACK TO NEW YORK.

THE TWO OF YOU ARE BEING ACCUSED OF MISCONDUCT.

WE WIN MOST OF OUR CASES [CHUCKLING] THROUGH MISCONDUCT.

THIS GOES BEYOND COURTROOM ANTICS.

WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GETTING FIRED OR ANYTHING.

RIGHT?

WHY DON'T WE GET STARTED?

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]

♪ OOH, WHAT A MIXTURE ♪

♪ SUCH A VIVID PICTURE ♪

♪ OOH, WHAT A MIXTURE ♪

♪ IF I MUST SAY SO MYSELF ♪

THE ALLEGATION'S BEING MADE BY A TAMMI SETTEN.

YOU DEFENDED HER AFTER SHE ALLEGEDLY ROBBED A RESTAURANT

ON JANUARY 11, 2011.

WHAT? IT'S GOT TO BE A MISTAKE. TAMMI LOVES US.

SHE'S ONE OF OUR FIRST CLIENTS. MAJOR REPEAT CUSTOMER.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SPOKE TO HER?

-OH, GEEZ. A YEAR AGO? -YEAH.

SHE WAS CHARGED WITH ROBBING THE LUNA CAFé,

AND IT WAS RIGHT BEFORE WE CAME HERE TO WORK.

YEAH. AND SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR THE TRIAL.

THE JUDGE ISSUED HER A BENCH WARRANT.

IT JUST PAID DIVIDENDS. THEY PICKED HER UP IN CHICO.

SHE'S BACK IN CUSTODY AND TELLING A DIFFERENT STORY.

SHE'S SAYING THAT YOU PAID HER TO TAKE OFF.

-WE...WHAT? -[ CHUCKLES ]

WE FIGHT. WE DON'T RUN.

[ CAMEO'S "WORD UP" PLAYS ]

I'M GONNA GET PICKED LAST.

Boy: MADSEN.

PERKINS.

NAH, IT'S ALWAYS ME.

BLAKELY.

MOORE.

IT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE I'M AWESOME AT FOOTBALL.

-WHAT'S YOUR NAME? -Boy: JONES.

PETER BASH. YOU?

-JARED FRANKLIN. -Boy: WILLIS.

IT'S 'CAUSE I'M SHORT.

BARRY SANDERS IS SHORT,

AND HE'S THE BEST RUNNING BACK IN THE NFL.

EXACTLY. DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL GROW.

JUST LOOK AT ME.

Boy: PETERS

SCREW THIS.

-Boy: LOUIS. -HEY.

BARRY SANDERS. YOU RUN PRETTY FAST?

FASTER THAN YOU.

♪ COME ON BABY, TELL ME WHAT'S THE WORD... ♪

[ CHILDREN SCREAMING ]

WHY DON'T WE STICK TO THIS MILLENNIUM?

YOU SHOULD'VE MADE THAT CLEAR.

AND FOR THE RECORD, YOU DIDN'T FIGHT.

YOU DID RUN.

THAT'S -- NOT TRUE.

TAMMI IS SCARED. SHE'S LOOKING AT A THIRD STRIKE.

SHE'S OFFERING US UP, OBVIOUSLY, TO LIGHTEN HER SENTENCE.

SO YOU DIDN'T GIVE HER ANY MONEY?

THERE'S A GRAY AREA THERE, UH, EMILY.

WE GAVE HER, UH, 1,000 BUCKS,

BUT WE HAD A VERY GOOD REASON FOR IT.

HANDING CASH TO A CLIENT?

WE WOULD BE INTERESTED TO HEAR IT.

SHE HAS A TATTOO --

ACTUALLY, SHE HAS A LOT OF TATTOOS.

YEAH, RIGHT, BUT THIS WAS A TATTOO OVER HER EYE,

WHICH SAID "2-1-1,"

2-11 BEING THE CALIFORNIA PENAL CODE FOR ROBBERY.

WE REALLY DIDN'T THINK THAT THAT WOULD PLAY WELL WITH A JURY.

SO WE CALLED OUR TATTOO-REMOVAL GUY.

YOU HAVE A TATTOO-REMOVAL GUY?

DR. DOUG. HE ALSO PUTS THEM ON, TOO -- QUITE GOOD.

YEAH. SO WE CALLED DR. DOUG'S ASSISTANT. WE SAID THAT TAMMI WAS COMING IN.

WE GAVE TAMMI THE MONEY.

HE E-MAILED US, SAID JOB WAS DONE.

NEXT DAY, TAMMI WAS A NO-SHOW IN COURT.

DR. DOUG WILL BACK US UP.

OKAY. THE CONTEMPT HEARING IS ON THURSDAY.

IT'S THE WORD OF TWO ESTEEMED LAWYERS

AGAINST A WOMAN WITH EVERY REASON TO LIE.

MM-HMM. WELL, LET US DO OUR JOB. THIS SHOULD BE PAINLESS.

I'M TELLING YOU, SHE WAS.

FINE. THE WOMAN WHO MAY FIRE US WAS "VIBING" YOU.

I GET THAT TAMMI'S SCARED, BUT WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS?

DIDN'T YOU GUYS LET HER CRASH HERE WHEN SHE BURNED DOWN HER BUILDING?

"ALLEGEDLY" BURNED DOWN HER BUILDING.

MAYBE SHE FEELS WE PUT HER IN THE REARVIEW MIRROR

WHEN WE TOOK OUR BIG FIRM JOB.

NO, WE DIDN'T.

DID WE?

WELL, WE DID TELL HER WE WERE GONNA SEE HER

THROUGH THAT LUNA CAFé TRIAL.

WELL, THERE WAS ALWAYS GONNA BE ANOTHER TRIAL WITH TAMMI.

YEAH, WELL, HER HURT FEELINGS

COULD COST ALL OF US OUR JOBS.

NOT TO MENTION THREE YEARS IN PRISON

FOR AIDING AND ABETTING A FLEEING FELON.

WE GOT TO SEE DR. DOUG.

I'M TELLING YOU, WE SHOULD GET MATCHING TATTOOS

OR SOMETHING LIKE A BIG DRAGON OR SOMETHING COOL.

YEAH. YEAH. OH, I GOT A BETTER IDEA.

WE GET HALF OF A DRAGON ON MY ARM AND HALF ON YOURS...

-YEAH. ...AND WE PUT 'EM -- -YEAH, WE PUT 'EM TOGETHER.

-DR. DOUG! -HEY.

YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.

[ LAUGHS ] "F" AND "B."

UPTOWN LIFE TREATING YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, WELL, IT WAS UNTIL YESTERDAY.

WE NEED YOUR HELP.

WELL, COME ON THROUGH.

ALL RIGHT.

SO, ABOUT A YEAR AGO, WE SENT YOU A CLIENT -- TAMMI SETTEN?

OH, YEAH. I REMEMBER HER. SHE WAS HOT --

KIND OF A SuicideGirls WAY.

-YEAH, THAT'S HER. -YEAH.

WELL, YOU SENT US AN E-MAIL

CONFIRMING THAT THE JOB WAS DONE.

WE NEED YOU TO TESTIFY THAT YOU DID REMOVE THE FACE TATTOO.

I DIDN'T. I GAVE HER A NEW ONE.

SHE SAID YOU GUYS WERE TREATING.

WHY WOULD WE PAY A CLIENT TO GET A TATTOO?

I DON'T KNOW, I GAVE HER ONE RIGHT ABOVE HER LEFT BREAST.

THAT'S GREAT. IT STILL TRACKS WITH OUR STORY

-THAT WE GAVE HER MONEY TO SPEND HERE. -YEAH. RIGHT.

WE JUST NEED YOU TO TESTIFY, DOUG.

YOU KNOW, BASICALLY THAT'S GONNA DISCREDIT HER STORY,

AND WE'LL WALK.

YEAH, I'D BE HAPPY TO.

JUST GOT TO GET HER PERMISSION.

WHY?

SHE'S MY PATIENT.

DERMABRASION TATTOO-REMOVAL DEVICE.

YEAH. THE DOCTOR TITLE IS REAL NOW.

BECAME A DERMATOLOGIST LAST YEAR, FELLAS.

BUT...YOU GAVE HER A TATTOO. HOW IS THAT MEDICAL?

WELL, SHE CAME IN AS A PATIENT,

AND I TREATED HER AS A DOCTOR, WHICH MEANS --

FALLS UNDER DOCTOR/PATIENT PRIVILEGE.

OHH, DOUG, THIS IS SERIOUS, DUDE.

WELL, I'M SORRY, GUYS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S THE HIPPOCRATIC OATH.

DID I HEAR SOMETHING ABOUT MATCHING DRAGONS?

IT'S ON THE HOUSE.

-STANTON. -RICHARD.

AH. WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU.

AND WHAT A SURPRISE.

THE ALLEGATIONS CAME TO OUR ATTENTION SUDDENLY.

THE BOARD THOUGHT IT BEST I COME RIGHT AWAY.

JUST WHEN I HAPPENED TO BE OUT OF TOWN.

THAT WAS CURIOUS TIMING. HMM?

I'LL GO. YOU'RE BUSY.

UH, YES, BUT NOT SO BUSY

THAT I WON'T DO ANYTHING

TO PROTECT PETER AND JARED'S RIGHTS.

YUP, HERE HE COMES.

HOW'S YOUR DEFENSE COMING?

YOUR TATTOO ARTIST COME THROUGH?

WE'RE WORKING ON IT.

GOOD.

WE'VE DECIDED YOU SHOULDN'T REPRESENT YOURSELVES.

I'VE ASKED DAMIEN KARP TO HANDLE YOUR CONTEMPT HEARING.

-KARP? -WHAT? NO WAY.

IT'S NOT A REQUEST.

Emily: IT'S FOR THE BEST,

TO AVOID ANY MORE "HE SAID, SHE SAID" MOMENTS.

WHICH MEANS NO DIRECT CONTACT WITH TAMMI SETTEN.

UH, SHE'S THE ONE ACCUSING US.

SHE'S ALSO REPRESENTED BY COUNSEL.

MR. KARP WILL BE ABLE TO CROSS-EXAMINE HER IN COURT.

NOTICE YOU DIDN'T PASS THE BAR EXAM THE FIRST TIME YOU TOOK IT.

OR THE SECOND. WHAT'S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS?

NOTHING.

ONLY 37% PASSED LAST YEAR. TOUGH TEST.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE PAINLESS.

MM-HMM.

W-WHAT'S UP WITH THE, UH, SECRET FILE?

THIS? YOU CAUGHT ME.

I'M GETTING A JUMP ON HOLIDAY SHOPPING.

YOU SEEM JUMPY.

SHOULD WE BE KEEPING A FILE ON YOU?

I'M TELLING YOU, I DON'T TRUST HIM.

YEAH, LIKE WE WERE GONNA FALL FOR THE CATALOGUE TRICK.

DUDE, YOU TOTALLY FELL FOR IT.

NO, NO, NO. THAT'S WHAT I WANTED HIM TO THINK.

-I WAS -- -OKAY, OKAY.

SO, WE'RE FIGHTING THIS ON TWO FRONTS, THEN --

TAMMI AND TAFFLINGER.

I NEED SOMEBODY TO ASK ME A YES-OR-NO QUESTION.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I HAVE MY INTERVIEW WITH TAFFLINGER TOMORROW.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE POLYGRAPHED.

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

MY PARENTS POLYGRAPHED ME REGULARLY.

ALL INDIAN PARENTS DO --

AT LEAST, THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID.

ASK ME A QUESTION.

OKAY. ARE YOU A TOTAL IDIOT?

NO.

[ RAPID BEEPING ]

[ ALL CHUCKLE ]

ASK ME ANOTHER ONE.

DO YOU HAVE AN ERECTION RIGHT NOW?

N--

[ VELCRO RIPS ]

-PINDY. -THAT'S JUST --

[ VELCRO RIPS ]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TAFFLINGER'S UP TO,

BUT AS LONG AS WE BEAT THE TAMMI ALLEGATIONS,

HE CAN'T TOUCH US.

WE GOT TO TALK TO TAMMI.

Carmen: TAFFLINGER ORDERED YOU NOT TO.

YOU VIOLATE THAT, WE'RE JUST AS SCREWED.

YOU KNOW WHAT? CHECK WITH WOMEN'S LOCK-UP.

SEE IF WE HAVE ANY CLIENTS IN THERE.

HE SAID WE CAN'T TALK TO HER,

BUT NO ONE SAID WE CAN'T TALK AT HER.

-OH, YOU ARE -- -YOU AND I ALWAYS...

COUNTY JAIL

JO JO!

JO JO, HOW'S OUR FAVORITE FORGER?

CONFUSED.

I DON'T HAVE ANY COURT DATES COMING UP, DO I?

NO. NO, NO, NO. JUST HAVE A SEAT.

UM, WE NEED A FAVOR.

HERE SHE COMES.

UH, JUST GO WITH IT, JO JO.

GO WITH WHAT?

[ COUGHS ]

[ JARED AND PETER CLEARING THROAT ]

[ SCOFFS ] YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF NERVE.

-ME? -THEM.

FRANKLIN AND BASH.

OH. HI.

OH, EXCUSE ME, COUNSELOR,

BUT, UM, WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL YOUR CLIENT THAT...

IN LIGHT OF HER TOTALLY UNFOUNDED ALLEGATIONS

THAT WE CAN'T TALK TO HER.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

UH, WE'RE VISITING WITH OUR CLIENT,

AND YOU'RE VISITING WITH YOURS.

THE FACT THAT WE HAVE HISTORY WITH MS. SETTEN --

ANY TROUBLE I'VE GOTTEN YOU INTO

IS 'CAUSE YOU GAVE ME MONEY AND TOLD ME TO LEAVE TOWN.

I'M SORRY. THERE SHE GOES AGAIN,

TALKING DIRECTLY AT US, AND SUCH BULLSHIT!

JO JO, COULD YOU PLEASE TELL THAT WOMAN

THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT PERJURY CHARGES

ADDED TO ALL THE TROUBLE SHE'S ALREADY IN?

UM...

YOU DON'T WANT ANY PERJURY CHARGES.

TAMMI, I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD BE TALKING

TO ANY OF THESE PEOPLE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE YOU'VE... GOT MY BACK!

WHOA.

SHE'S USING OUR SLOGAN AGAINST US.

SEE, HE'D NEVER PROMISE

TO STICK WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT AND THEN BAIL.

OH, YEAH? YOU KNOW, WE REPRESENTED YOUR CLIENT

FOR THREE YEARS, MOSTLY PRO BONO.

OR DID SHE FORGET ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY, 2008?

IF SO, HAVE HER REFER TO HER RIGHT FOREARM.

YOU SEE, JO JO, TAMMI BROKE UP WITH AN OLD BOYFRIEND

BY STABBING HIM IN THE NECK WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS,

AND WE GOT HER OFF BY PLEADING SELF-DEFENSE.

BUT THE SECOND THEY GET OFFERS FROM A BIG FIRM, THEY FORGET.

THEY SELL OUT, THROW YOU ASIDE,

AND GIVE YOU A GRAND TO EASE THEIR GUILTY CONSCIENCE.

-I-I DIDN'T GET ANY MONEY. -WE DON'T.

I'M LOOKING AT 25 YEARS ON THE ROBBERY CHARGES

THEY PAID ME TO RUN AWAY ON.

WE DIDN'T PAY YOU --

YES. 25 YEARS.

AND HOW MUCH MORE WILL I GET IF I'M CONVICTED OF PERJURY?

TWO, TOPS. IT WOULD PROBABLY RUN CONCURRENT.

TELL YOUR LAWYERS I'LL SEE THEM IN COURT!

SHE SAID SHE'D SEE YOU GUYS IN COURT.

IN COURT. THANK YOU, JO JO. WE...HEARD THAT.

DAMN IT!

BAD DAY?

MICROWAVE POPCORN AND POWER BARS.

I MEAN, THIS IS WHY EVERYONE HATES L.A.

IS THIS REALLY ALL YOU'VE GOT?

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE TO LOOK.

-MY PRIVATE STASH. -MM-HMM.

DOUBLE STUFF, HUH?

-CAN I HAVE ONE? -MAYBE.

WHAT'S TAFFLINGER UP TO?

ARE YOU REALLY BRIBING ME WITH OREOS?

I DON'T KNOW. AM I?

OKAY, THAT... IS JUST STUPID.

UM, NO. IT'S SUBJECTIVE.

-OKAY. I'M -- I'M ENTITLED -- -NO, NO, NO.

XBOX vs. WII, KOBE/LeBRON -- THESE THINGS ARE SUBJECTIVE.

SAYING THAT "SIXTEEN CANDLES"

IS A BETTER JOHN HUGHES MOVIE THAN "THE BREAKFAST CLUB"?

OBJECTIVELY WRONG.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW WHAT? UM, I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK,

BUT YOU STILL HAVEN'T REPLIED TO OUR REQUEST

FOR A PRIVATE INTERVIEW.

THIS DIDN'T COUNT?

[ CHUCKLES ] NO, SORRY.

OKAY. IF YOU'RE GONNA INTERROGATE ME,

THEN I GET TO ASK YOU ONE QUESTION.

OKAY. ONE.

IS THIS WHY YOU WENT TO LAW SCHOOL?

TO BRING DOWN FELLOW LAWYERS?

WE DIDN'T DO THIS, EMILY.

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY SO?

YEAH.

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

THANKS FOR THE COOKIES.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU WORKED FOR FRANKLIN AND BASH?

HOW LONG DO YOU THINK I HAVE?

DO YOU MIND IF I ASK THE QUESTIONS?

SHOULD I MIND?

YOU'RE MAKING THIS NEEDLESSLY DIFFICULT.

AM I?

OR HAVE I JUST TRAINED MYSELF

TO RESIST THE REID TECHNIQUE OF INTERROGATION?

BY TURNING MY QUESTIONS BACK ON ME?

MAYBE... HE?

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

ARE YOU DOING IT TO ME NOW?

Question mark.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, MR. SINGH?

UH-HUH...

SO... HOW YOU MET FRANKLIN AND BASH.

♪ FEELIN' GOOD WHOO ♪

♪ IT WAS A FINE OL' DAY LOTS OF FINE HONEYS... ♪

WHOSE PLACE IS THIS AGAIN?

UH, HIM. I DON'T KNOW HIM.

Peter: HE'S GOT HIMSELF A PRETTY NICE SETUP HERE.

MAYBE TOO NICE.

♪ ...LIKE SKIN THROUGH YOUR MIKES ♪

♪ ...THAT WOULD SWIM TO YOUR MIND, YEAH... ♪

WE'RE BEING SUMMONED.

[RAP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

BASH AND FRANKLIN, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN.

-ACTUALLY, IT'S FRANKLIN AND BASH. -YEAH.

YOU HAVE US AT A DISADVANTAGE...

PINDAR SINGH.

I'M IN YOUR CON LAW CLASS.

NEVER SEEN YOU THERE BEFORE.

YEAH. MEDICAL HARDSHIP.

I TAKE ALL MY CLASSES REMOTELY.

I DEVELOPED A NEW TECHNOLOGY

THAT STREAMS VIDEO RIGHT INTO MY COMPUTER.

-COOL. -WOW.

YEAH. SOLD IT TO A SOFTWARE COMPANY FOR $2,000.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR KNEE?

TORN A.C.L. POLO MATCH. FATHER'S ESTATE.

-I GREW UP PLAYING POLO. -HE PLAYS POLO!

YEAH. WHAT POSITION YOU PLAY?

I PLAYED THEM ALL. SORT OF A JACK OF ALL TRADES.

LIKE A JOCKEY OF ALL TRADES, IF YOU WILL. [ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS ] OH, BUT WE WON'T.

WELL, IF YOU PLAY,

THEN YOU MUST KNOW WHICH PLAYER NUMBER ONE IS GUARDED BY.

LADIES, COULD YOU GIVE US A SECOND, PLEASE?

THANK YOU. YOU'RE A SWEETHEART.

[ SIGHS ]

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO DO TO ME?

WHAT'S YOUR GAME, SINGH?

YEAH. NOT BUYING THE TORN A.C.L.

I CANNOT LEAVE THIS CONDO.

YOU ON HOUSE ARREST?

EMOTIONALLY.

I HAVE EVERY PHOBIA KNOWN TO MAN.

PLUS A COUPLE THAT ARE NORMALLY ONLY FOUND IN INVERTEBRATES.

IF I DO YOUR CON LAW PAPERS FOR YOU,

WILL THAT BUY YOUR SILENCE?

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU GOT US ALL WRONG, MAN.

YOU'VE TURNED YOUR PHOBIAS INTO LEMONADE.

YOU GOT CHICKS WAITING ON YOU.

YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR CONDO.

YOU'RE THE HUGH HEFNER OF WACKOS.

[ CHUCKLES ] YOU SHOULD PROBABLY SAY "OW."

OW!

WELL...

YOU'VE CLEARLY MADE PROGRESS.

-HOW SO? -YOU'RE HERE.

YOU'VE MASTERED GETTING BEYOND

THE FOUR WALLS OF YOUR OWN HOME.

I'M ON A LOT OF MEDICATION.

GOOD.

Judge Perry: MR. KARP.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, YOUR HONOR. IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.

YOU'RE COUNSEL IN THIS MATTER?

YES, YOUR HONOR, I AM.

WE'RE HERE ON AN ACCUSATION OF ATTORNEY MISCONDUCT.

I'VE ALERTED THE D.A.'s OFFICE.

IF I FIND THE ALLEGATIONS TRUE,

THEY WILL BE FILING CRIMINAL CHARGES.

WELL, WE'RE CONFIDENT THAT AFTER THE COURT SEES THE EVIDENCE,

THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

GLAD TO HEAR IT. AND WHAT EVIDENCE WOULD THAT BE?

WELL, YOUR HONOR, IT'S NOT "WHAT," IT'S "WHERE."

I'M NOT... FOLLOWING YOU.

HE'S OFF TO A GREAT START.

MY CLIENTS GAVE MS. SETTEN SOME MONEY

TO HAVE A TATTOO REMOVED.

SHE TOOK THE MONEY AND WENT TO THE TATTOO PARLOR IN QUESTION

AND GOT A NEW ONE INSTEAD AND POCKETED THE REST.

YOU'RE FREE TO PRESENT EVIDENCE TO PROVE YOUR THEORY.

WELL, THE ONLY EVIDENCE IS ON HER BODY.

SHE HAS A TATTOO ABOVE HER LEFT BREAST, YOUR HONOR.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, TAMMI?

Karp: PLEASE, IGNORE THEM, YOUR HONOR.

DO THEY HAVE PROOF THAT MY CLIENT GOT THE TATTOO

ON THE SAME DAY THEY GAVE HER MONEY?

LIKE A RECEIPT OR A TATTOO ARTIST?

DOES COUNSEL HAVE PROOF

THAT TAMMI DIDN'T GET THE TATTOO ON THAT DAY?

MR. FRANKLIN, MR. BASH,

YOU'VE CHOSEN TO LET MR. KARP REPRESENT YOU.

ACTUALLY, YOUR HONOR, THAT --

THAT REALLY WASN'T OUR CHOICE.

HE'S A FINE LAWYER.

I SUGGEST YOU LET HIM DO HIS JOB.

FOR NOW, YOURS IS TO BE QUIET.

ARE YOU REQUESTING THAT I ORDER A WITNESS

TO DISROBE IN MY COURTROOM?

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE IN YOUR COURT, YOUR HONOR.

YOU CAN HAVE A FEMALE BAILIFF TAKE HER IN THE OTHER --

YOU TOLD ME TO BE QUIET, DIDN'T YOU?

AND YET, THERE YOU GO.

MR. HOLMAN, ANY OBJECTION TO YOUR CLIENT SHOWING THE TATTOO?

THE FIFTH AMENDMENT PROTECTS A PERSON

FROM BEING FORCED TO TESTIFY AGAINST THEMSELVES.

YES, AND WE'RE NOT ASKING HER TO TESTIFY. WE'RE SIMPLY ASKING --

U.S. v. GREER HOLDS THAT TATTOOS ARE CONSIDERED TESTIMONY.

AND THEREBY PROTECTED UNDER THE FIFTH AMENDMENT.

Karp: YES, BUT OTHER CASES HAVE RULED

THAT TATTOOS ARE ADMISSIBLE FOR IDENTIFICATION, YOUR HONOR.

WHERE THEY'RE VISIBLE BY THE PUBLIC

AND THERE'S NO EXPECTATION OF PRIVACY AS TO THE BODY PART.

MS. SETTEN HAS AN EXPECTATION

AS TO THE PRIVACY OF HER BREASTS.

I WON'T FORCE HER TO SHOW IT.

BUT, YOUR HONOR, THAT'S THE CORNERSTONE OF OUR DEFENSE.

THEN I SUGGEST YOU COME UP WITH A NEW ONE BY TOMORROW.

Jared: THAT WAS GOOD.

[ SCOFFS ] I HAD FELDMAN SHEPARDIZE TATTOO CASES.

I DON'T KNOW HOW HE MISSED GREER.

FELDMAN? HE'S A FIRST YEAR!

WELL, DON'T WORRY. I'M GONNA BE HANDLING IT

PERSONALLY FROM THIS POINT FORWARD.

ACTUALLY, YOU'RE NOT. IT'S OUR ASSES ON THE LINE.

AND PINDAR'S AND CARMEN'S.

WE'RE GOING DOWN, WE'RE GOING DOWN SWINGING OURSELVES.

WHAT, YOU'RE FIRING ME?

-IT'S NOT PERSONAL. -IT'S PERSONAL.

[ SCOFFS ] PLEASE.

I WOULD LOVE -- LOVE -- TO BE FIRED BY YOU,

BUT TAFFLINGER'S NOT GONNA GO FOR IT.

YEAH, WELL, HERE'S THE THING --

WE'RE DONE LISTENING TO TAFFLINGER.

ANYONE WHO REPRESENTS HIMSELF --

YES, I KNOW -- "HAS A FOOL AS A CLIENT."

DOESN'T APPLY TO US. WE WERE FOOLS TO BEGIN WITH.

-[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ] -THAT'S TRUE.

GOOD LUCK.

OKAY, MR. "WE GO DOWN ON OURSELVES SWINGING."

GOT TO GET THAT TATTOO IN.

MAYBE WE CAN'T PROVE WHEN SHE GOT THE TATTOO.

MAYBE THE TATTOO ITSELF IS INCRIMINATING.

YEAH, HER BODY IS A CRIMINAL DIARY.

WE GO AFTER TAMMI'S CREDIBILITY.

REMEMBER SPRING BREAK, JUNIOR YEAR?

YOU PASSED OUT AND WOKE UP NAKED ON A RAFT

IN THE POOL IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE HOTEL?

YEAH. WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH --

YOU WALKED AROUND WITHOUT ANY CLOTHES ON

THE REST OF SPRING BREAK

'CAUSE YOU SAID EVERYONE HAD ALREADY SEEN EVERYTHING ANYHOW.

'CAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE AN EXPECTATION OF PRIVACY ANYMORE.

RIGHT. WE FIND A TIME

WHEN TAMMI LET HER FREAK FLAG FLY, BOOB-WISE --

AND THE TATTOO IS ADMISSIBLE.

BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!

-Infeld: OH, HI. -HI.

HOW'S THE CASE GOING?

UH, WE FIGURED OUT HOW TO SHOW OUR ACCUSER'S

BOOBS IN COURT.

EXCELLENT.

I HOPE TAFFLINGER HASN'T BEEN TOO MUCH OF A BOTHER.

WELL, NOT IMPRESSED.

HE'S ASKED US ABOUT EVERYTHING EXCEPT FOR TAMMI'S ALLEGATIONS.

AH.

ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE ENGLISH STOAT?

IT'S A FERRET-LIKE RODENT.

IT'S A BIT OFF-TOPIC, SIR.

YOU KNOW, THEY EAT RABBITS, WHICH ARE MUCH FASTER.

IT TRANSFIXES THEM IN A DANCE OF DEATH.

WHILE THE POOR BUNNY WATCHES, HYPNOTIZED,

THE STOAT DOES EVERYTHING BUT ATTACK.

AND THEN, WHEN HE'S READY...

-SO, NOT OFF-TOPIC. -OFF-TOPIC.

YOU KNOW, I'VE DEALT WITH RODENTS LIKE TAFFLINGER

FOR OVER 40 YEARS.

BEWARE OF THE QUESTIONS HE DOESN'T ASK.

YOU HAVEN'T ASKED WHETHER WE PAID HER OFF, EITHER.

NO.

I DON'T HAVE TO.

THIS IS A CASUAL INQUIRY.

NO REASON TO WORRY.

DO I LOOK WORRIED?

I'VE CHECKED ON YOUR WORK

SINCE YOU'VE BEEN AT INFELD/DANIELS.

TOP-NOTCH.

-FRANKLIN AND BASH, ON THE OTHER HAND... -OKAY.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD QUESTIONS,

'CAUSE IF YOU'RE HERE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MY BOSSES,

I'M PRETTY BUSY.

IF THEY GO DOWN, THEY LOSE THEIR JOBS.

BUT YOU'RE ON PROBATION.

IF THIS BLOWS BACK TO YOU, YOU'VE GOT MORE TO LOSE,

-DON'T YOU? -IS THAT A THREAT?

GOOD GOD, NO. IT'S JUST A FRIENDLY OBSERVATION.

[ SIGHS ]

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

HOW SOMEONE WITH YOUR SKILL SET

ENDED UP WORKING WITH A COUPLE OF LAWYERS, TO BEGIN WITH.

[ Laughing ] I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS CONVINCED THAT JURY.

WELL, IT'S A SIMPLE MATTER OF EQUAL PARTS LOGIC,

LEGAL AUTHORITY...

-AND BULLSHIT. -...BULLSHIT.

HEY, YOU EVER WANT TO BECOME CON MEN, CALL ME.

OKAY. I'M GOING STRAIGHT, STARTIN'...

REALLY SOON.

SERIOUSLY? THANK YOU.

NOT TO BRING UP THE UGLY, UGLY SUBJECT

OF OUR PAYMENT, BUT, UH...

RIGHT.

UM, SO I CAN'T PAY YOU IN CASH, BUT...

[ SIGHS ]

I GOT THIS.

WOW. THAT'S -- THAT'S NICE.

ROLEX, OYSTER SHELL,

PLATINUM BAND...

AND IT'S MINE.

REALLY? YOU STOLE HIS WATCH TO PAY US?

I'M KIDDING!

[ LAUGHS ] I TOOK IT -- JUST NOW.

LOOK, UM, I'M WORKING ON A FEW THINGS.

MAYBE IN A COUPLE WEEKS?

TELL YOU WHAT -- WHY DON'T YOU STOP WORKING ON THOSE THINGS?

AND COME WORK FOR US AS AN INVESTIGATOR.

I'VE GOT A FEELING THERE'S NOT MANY PLACES

YOU CAN'T GET INTO.

OOH.

I'M NOT REALLY THE 9:00-TO-5:00 TYPE.

NO, NO, JUST A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

WE GOT A BIG TRIAL COMING UP.

YEAH. WE'RE SUING THE MANUFACTURERS OF TWISTER STRAWS.

OH. THE KIND THAT TWIRL AROUND

BETWEEN YOUR DRINK AND YOUR MOUTH.

DEATH TRAPS.

DON'T USE THEM.

DO YOU HAVE MY WALLET?

I WORKED OFF MY DEBT IN THREE WEEKS.

THREE WEEKS AFTER THAT, I MOVED IN.

EVER BEEN TEMPTED TO GO BACK TO BEING A GRIFTER?

GRIFTER? [ CHUCKLES ]

I THINK YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING TOO MANY MOVIES.

BESIDES, I'M NOT ENTIRELY OUT OF THE GAME.

REALLY?

ANY MORE THAN YOU ARE.

I MEAN, YOU'RE TRYING TO PLAY ME RIGHT NOW.

HOW'S THAT?

THE EARLY COMPLIMENT TO PUT ME AT EASE,

SHOWING ME YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT MY WORK.

LOOK, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE

WHO CAN DO A BACKGROUND CHECK, MR. TAFFLINGER.

ARE YOU THREATENING ME?

OH, GOOD GOD, NO.

JUST A FRIENDLY OBSERVATION.

ROLLER DERBY

PINDY, WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND?

Pindar: I TALKED TO TAMMI'S FRIENDS.

NO ONE REMEMBERS HER TATTOO.

MAN, THIS IS OUR LAST HOPE.

NO. THERE IS ONE OTHER.

PINDAR, IF YOU'RE QUOTING YODA FROM "EMPIRE STRIKES BACK"...

NO. IT'S A COMMON PHRASE.

OKAY, FINE. THEN WHAT'S THE OTHER HOPE?

WELL, MAYBE THERE WOULD BE ANOTHER

IF JARED WASN'T TRYING TO SLEEP WITH THE ENEMY.

ALL RIGHT. KEEP LOOKING.

HE'S...KIND OF GOT A POINT THERE.

THIS WHOLE EMILY THING -- IT'S -- IT'S QUESTIONABLE.

SHUT UP. SHUT UP.

BREE!

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

HEY. I'M CARMEN PHILLIPS. WE SPOKE EARLIER.

Carmen: THIS IS JARED FRANKLIN AND PETER BASH.

-HI. -APRIL!

TURN YOUR FACE-OFF. 100 LAPS NOW!

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WANTED TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT TAMMI SETTEN.

I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT HER.

WELL, UH, MAYBE SOME OF THE PLAYERS MIGHT --

THEY'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT HER, EITHER.

APRIL, BENT KNEES!

NO GIRAFFING!

[ SCOFFS ]

WOW.

ROLLER-DERBY GIRL VERSUS FIGURE SKATER.

ROLLER-DERBY GIRL. NO QUESTION.

THEY'RE TOTALLY BADASS.

♪ YOU'RE TELLIN' ME TO GO AWAY ♪

♪ GO AWAY ♪

OKAY. ANY OF THESE GIRLS RECOGNIZE TAMMI'S TATTOO --

YEAH. EXPECTATION OF PRIVACY.

THE COURT GETS TO SEE THE TATTOO.

MM, THEN WE GET OFF.

OKAY, I HAVE SEEN YOU TWO GET EXCITED

BY THE LAND O'LAKES BUTTER GIRL.

HAVE YOU SEEN HOW SHORT HER SKIRT IS ON THE LABEL, CARMEN?

THERE ARE ACTUAL NAKED WOMEN IN HERE.

I'M GIVING YOU PERMISSION. TAKE A MINUTE. ENJOY YOURSELF.

THIS IS WORK, CARMEN.

CHOOSING NOT TO OBJECTIFY THESE WOMEN,

THESE HARD-WORKING WOMEN -- HELLO.

-HI. I'M CORRINA. -YEAH, YOU ARE.

-DUDE, I'M TOTALLY GIRAFFING. -AND THEY'RE BACK.

I RECOGNIZE YOU GUYS FROM YOUR COMMERCIALS.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY ]

YOU'RE EVEN CUTER IN PERSON.

NO, YOU ARE.

I HEARD YOU GUYS WERE ASKING ABOUT TAMMI SETTEN.

-YOU KNOW HER? -SHE WAS HERE FOUR MONTHS.

I THOUGHT SHE WAS MY FRIEND UNTIL SHE STOLE MY iPHONE.

-THAT'S TERRIBLE. -MAYBE WE CAN GET IT BACK FOR YOU.

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT A TATTOO THAT TAMMI HAD?

SHE HAD A LOT OF THEM.

Peter: OH, WELL, THIS ONE WOULD'VE BEEN ABOVE HER T--

BOO-- BREAST. BRE--

HER -- HER LEFT BREAST.

ABOVE, LIKE...HERE?

OR MORE LIKE...

...HERE?

UM...

IT'S HARD TO TELL.

I DON'T REMEMBER HER HAVING ANY TATTOOS ABOVE HER BOOBS,

BUT...I DON'T KNOW. I COULD BE WRONG.

I'M SORRY, YOU GUYS.

DON'T YOU DARE BE HARD ON YOURSELF.

YOU'VE BEEN GREAT.

PLEASE, TELL ME MORE ABOUT THAT iPHONE.

IT'S A SERIOUS THEFT.

-SO... -GO. COME ON.

IF YOU'RE NOT OFF THE PROPERTY IN 30 SECONDS,

I'M CALLING THE COPS!

HAIR, HAIR. OW.

[ CHUCKLES ] HOW DID YOU NOT GET BEAT UP?

BECAUSE I AM SMART AND STEALTHY.

CHECK IT.

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU STOLE A HOLLYWOOD WHEELS POSTER.

LOOK CLOSER, DUMMIES. THE UNIFORMS.

THIS COULD WORK.

YOU MAY HAVE JUST SAVED OUR CASE, BUDDY.

I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK THAT YOU WERE

DODGING YOUR INTERVIEW.

SORRY, WE'VE BEEN BUSY.

AND, UH, YOU ALREADY INTERVIEWED ME.

THAT WAS PETER.

WE WANTED A LITTLE ONE-ON-ONE TIME.

"WE"?

ME.

WELL, THEN... LET'S GET STARTED.

OKAY. AND SO, YOU WENT TO COLLEGE WITH PETER?

YEAH.

RIGHT. AND LAW SCHOOL?

-CHECK. -AND HAVE WORKED WITH HIM

THE ENTIRE TIME YOU'VE BEEN A LAWYER?

ALL I'VE WANTED TO DO IS WORK WITH MY FRIENDS.

WITH PETER, CARMEN, PINDAR,

I'VE KIND OF GOT THAT COVERED HERE.

INTERESTING. UM, AND THEN YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TEMPTED

TO WORK WITH YOUR FATHER?

YOU'VE HEARD OF HIM.

[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]

I DON'T KNOW MANY ATTORNEYS WHO HAVEN'T.

MY FATHER'S A GREAT ATTORNEY.

WE JUST HAVE DIFFERENT... LAWYERING STYLES.

WELL, ACCORDING TO COURT RECORDS,

YOU DIDN'T WASTE MUCH TIME GETTING HELD IN CONTEMPT.

-IT WAS -- -TWO DAYS AFTER WE STARTED PRACTICING.

PEOPLE v. BARTON.

[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]

WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

-NO ONE HAS TO DO ANYTHING. -WELL, ACTUALLY, WE DO,

'CAUSE THE JUDGE SPECIFICALLY SAID WE CAN'T GO AND --

WHAT IS THE WORST HE'S GONNA DO TO US?

I -- DUDE, I JUST GOT MY BAR CARD.

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE IT FOR SOME STUPID --

IT'S A COURTROOM DEMONSTRATION.

JURIES DON'T WANT TO HEAR THINGS --

THEY WANT TO SEE THEM.

JURIES? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT JURIES?

THIS IS OUR FIRST TRIAL.

YES, IT IS, SO WHEN YOU COME IN, YOU SELL IT.

[ SIGHS ]

DR. HINKLE, YOU TESTIFIED

THAT WHAT MY CLIENT, YOUNG COLIN,

WENT THROUGH WOULDN'T INFLICT SERIOUS EMOTIONAL DISTRESS.

-IS THAT RIGHT? -IT WOULD BE UPSETTING.

BUT NOT ANYTHING THAT WOULD WARRANT

THE KIND OF AWARD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

[ SCOFFING ]

A 7-YEAR-OLD BOY,

FILLED WITH THE MAGIC AND WONDER THAT ALL OF US ARE FILLED WITH

UNTIL THE WORLD JUST RIPS IT OUT OF US!

HOW ABOUT A QUESTION, MR. FRANKLIN?

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

YOUNG COLIN,

GOING TO MegaFunWorld TO MEET HIS FAVORITE CHARACTER, MR. GIBBY,

ONLY TO SEE AN EMPLOYEE IN GIBBY GARB,

HEAD OFF, SMOKING...

[ SNIFFLES ]

[ Voice breaking ] SMOKING A JOINT?

ISN'T THAT TRAUMATIC ENOUGH?

IS THAT ABOUT RIGHT?

I SAID, IS THAT ABOUT RIGHT?!

WHEN I SUGGESTED A QUESTION,

I MEANT TO THE WITNESS, NOT TO THE --

[ Australian accent ] G'DAY, COLIN!

[ SCREAMS ]

COME PLAY DOWN UNDER!

[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]

TRAUMATIC ENOUGH, DR. HINKLE?

THAT'S IT!

IT'S NOT WEED.

MR. FRANKLIN, MR. BASH, YOU'RE BOTH IN CONTEMPT!

NO. NO, NO, NO! IT WAS HIS FAULT!

IT WAS HIS IDEA! IT WAS YOUR IDEA.

I TOLD YOU! YOUR HONOR!

OH, DON'T TASE ME, BRO!

Peter: CONTEMPT?

WE'LL NEVER PRACTICE AGAIN. WE'RE TOTAL LAUGHINGSTOCKS.

YOU'RE THE ONE IN THE KANGAROO COSTUME.

Man: FRANKLIN AND BASH.

WE'VE BEEN BAILED OUT?

NOT YET. I GOT A MESSAGE FOR YOU.

WE'VE PROBABLY BEEN DISBARRED!

IT'S FROM MegaFunWorld.

THEY WANT TO SETTLE.

AND SO THE FRANKLIN AND BASH TECHNIQUE WAS BORN --

OFTEN COPIED, NEVER EQUALED.

[ CHUCKLES ] 47 CONTEMPT CITATIONS LATER.

YEAH, IT'S ONLY TWO OFF THE RECORD,

AND SOMEDAY, WITH A LOT OF HARD WORK,

WE'RE GONNA GET THERE.

[ RECORDER BEEPS ]

YOU NEED TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.

AND YOU NEED TO BELIEVE ME.

IT ISN'T THAT SIMPLE.

ACTUALLY, IT IS.

THESE AREN'T EVEN ADMISSIBLE IN COURT.

WE'RE NOT IN COURT.

ALL RIGHT.

IS YOUR NAME JARED FRANKLIN?

YES.

[ RAPID BEEPING ]

OFFICIALLY, ON MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE, IT'S "ELMO."

-WHAT, LIKE THE -- -IT'S A FAMILY NAME.

NEXT QUESTION.

DID YOU GIVE TAMMI SETTEN $1,000 TO DISAPPEAR?

NO.

[ STEADY BEEPING ]

WELL, SINCE I'VE BEEN OUT HERE,

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT KISSING ME?

NO.

NOT ONCE.

[ RAPID BEEPING ]

REALLY?

THERE'S A REASON THESE AREN'T ADMISSIBLE IN COURT.

YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO MANIPULATE --

-COULD YOU JUST -- -YEAH, NO PROBLEM.

I GOT IT.

-I GOT IT. -I GOT -- YOU GOT IT?

THEY GAVE ME MONEY, TOLD ME TO GET OUT OF TOWN,

START A NEW LIFE.

THEY NEVER TOLD YOU TO USE THE MONEY

TO GET YOUR TATTOO REMOVED?

MY TATTOOS ARE A PART OF WHO I AM.

I'D HAVE NEVER GONE FOR THAT.

THANK YOU. NOTHING FURTHER.

TAMMI, YOU SAY YOUR TATTOOS ARE A PART OF WHO YOU ARE.

I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU ABOUT A COUPLE.

-IN PARTICULAR -- -Holman: OBJECTION!

I'VE ALREADY RULED ON THE ADMISSIBILITY OF THAT TATTOO.

YES, YOUR HONOR.

HER REASONABLE EXPECTATION OF PRIVACY.

BUT WE HAVE SOMEONE WHO CAN SPEAK TO THAT.

YOUR HONOR, WE CALL HOLLYWOOD WHEELS JAMMER CORRINA KELLER.

Judge Perry: AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU TWO COULDN'T SURPRISE ME.

BAILIFFS.

UH, WAIT, WAIT, YOUR HONOR?

THIS UNIFORM IS THE ONE THE WHEELS ROLLER DERBY TEAM WORE

IN 2011.

AND THE RELEVANCE BEING...

MS. SETTEN WAS ON THE TEAM

WHEN THIS UNIFORM WAS BEING WORN.

YEAH. NOTE HER TUBE TOP.

WHEW. [ CHUCKLES ]

WOW.

THAT'S COMPLETELY IMPRACTICAL FOR ROLLER DERBY.

APPARENTLY, THERE WERE WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS.

I CAN IMAGINE.

AND AS YOU CAN SEE,

THE AREA THAT MS. SETTEN CLAIMS IS PRIVATE

WAS AVAILABLE TO ANYBODY WILLING TO PAY $8.50 FOR A TICKET.

MS. SETTEN, DID YOU PUBLICLY WEAR THIS UNIFORM?

YEAH.

THEN THE OBJECTION IS OVERRULED.

MS. SETTEN'S ALLEGED TATTOO IS ADMISSIBLE.

CAN YOU ALSO TELL HER TO GIVE ME MY iPHONE BACK?

SCREW YOU. I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR STUPID PHONE.

Judge Perry: ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE A RECESS,

AND THEN WE'LL HEAR ABOUT THIS NOTORIOUS TATTOO.

MS. SETTEN, I BELIEVE YOU HAVE A TATTOO

ABOVE YOUR LEFT BREAST?

MS. SETTEN, IF YOU'D PREFER,

WE CAN PRESENT A PHOTOGRAPH INSTEAD OF --

ACTUALLY, YOUR HONOR, I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS HER OTHER TATTOOS.

YOU HAVE A BROKEN ELECTRIC GUITAR

BETWEEN YOUR SHOULDER BLADES.

YEAH. ONE OF MY FIRST.

THERE IT IS.

AND THE NUMBERS 12-6-7 ON IT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT'S THE SIGNIFICANCE?

DECEMBER 6, 2007.

MY BAND PLAYED ITS FIRST GIG AT THE AVALON.

YOU WERE ARRESTED THAT NIGHT, RIGHT?

FOR BRAWLING WITH PEOPLE IN THE CROWD?

YOU GUYS GOT THE CASE DISMISSED.

HUH.

AND THE COUGAR ON YOUR HIP?

Holman: OBJECTION. WHAT DO HER PREVIOUS TATTOOS

HAVE TO DO WITH WHETHER THE DEFENDANTS PAID HER OFF?

THEY ESTABLISH A PATTERN, YOUR HONOR,

AND GIVE MEANING TO THE TATTOO IN QUESTION.

OBJECTION OVERRULED.

WITNESS CAN ANSWER.

IT'S FOR A 1972 COUGAR.

12-25-02 -- THE DAY THEY SAID I STOLE IT.

WHAT WAS THE OUTCOME OF THAT CASE?

YOU AND PETER ALSO TOOK CARE OF THAT ONE.

WELL, YOU'RE WELCOME.

NOW LET'S MOVE TO THE TATTOO ABOVE YOUR BREAST.

WE HAVE A STANDING OBJECTION TO THIS LINE OF --

IT'S COOL.

FOR THE RECORD,

MY CLIENT HAS SHOWN A TATTOO OF THE SUN --

NO NUMBERS,

NOT PART OF THE PATTERN THAT THEY ARE TRYING TO ESTABLISH.

YOUR HONOR, IF I CAN TAG IN FOR MY ESTEEMED CO-COUNSEL?

WHY NOT?

I'VE GOT THIS, BUDDY.

ACTUALLY, THAT'S THE SUN BEHIND A LUNAR ECLIPSE, ISN'T IT?

I LIKE THE MOON.

I IMAGINE THE OWNER OF LUNA CAFé DOES, AS WELL,

"LUNA" BEING LATIN FOR "MOON."

I SAID I HAVE THIS.

JUST HELPING.

LUNA CAFé IS THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT

THAT YOU'RE CHARGED WITH ROBBING.

IT'S A COINCIDENCE.

LIKE HE SAID, THERE'S NO DATE ON IT.

NOT AT FIRST GLANCE.

YOUR HONOR, IF I CAN APPROACH?

CAN I -- YEAH.

YEAH, SEE, THE SUN BEAMS

COMING OFF THE LUNAR ECLIPSE LOOK LIKE ONES.

-MAYBE TO YOU. -NO, THERE'S LIKE A BUNCH OF THEM.

YOUR HONOR, LOOK. IT'S LIKE FIVE OF THEM.

1-11-11.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE DATE OF THE ROBBERY?

I DON'T REMEMBER.

JANUARY 11, 2011.

RIGHT?

YOU'RE STILL FACING CHARGES STEMMING FROM THAT ROBBERY,

PLEADING NOT GUILTY.

BECAUSE I'M INNOCENT.

YEAH.

IT'D BE HARD TO CONVINCE A JURY

THAT YOU GOT A TATTOO CELEBRATING A CRIME

YOU DIDN'T COMMIT.

YOUR HONOR, IF I COULD HAVE A MOMENT WITH MY CLIENT?

I THINK THAT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA.

NEVER DOUBTED US FOR A MINUTE.

I FEEL LIKE ICE CREAM.

YOU LOOK LIKE ICE CREAM.

"KRAPPY"! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

DID YOU COME HERE TO DANCE ON OUR GRAVES?

-'CAUSE YOU'RE EARLY. -YOU WON?

FRANK AND BEANS.

TAMMI DECIDED TO WITHDRAW HER COMPLAINT

WHEN SHE REALIZED THAT SHE'D BE HANGING HERSELF

IF HER TATTOO BECAME A PART OF THE RECORD.

CONGRATULATIONS.

YOUR BROW'S FURROWED. WHAT'S UP?

MY MISTAKE WITH THE GREER CITATION --

I'VE GIVEN IT SOME THOUGHT.

AND, I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, LET'S FACE IT --

YOU TWO ARE IDIOTS.

Peter: WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT STARTED OFF AS AN APOLOGY,

-AND THEN IT JUST SORT OF [WHISTLES] -HURT MY FEELINGS.

WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT

I WOULD NEVER INTENTIONALLY TANK A CASE,

EVEN REPRESENTING THE BASH AND FRANKLIN.

-THAT'S VERY SWEET. -AND, FOR THE RECORD,

WE NEVER THOUGHT YOU INTENTIONALLY TANKED A CASE.

WE KNOW YOU'RE JUST THAT BAD A LAWYER.

-YEAH. -AWESOME.

HEY, WANT SOME ICE CREAM?

NO.

REALLY?

Infeld: YES, WELL, SHAME YOU COULDN'T STAY A LITTLE LONGER.

I'M SURE I'LL BE SEEING YOU SOON, STANTON.

YES. I LOOK FORWARD TO THAT.

UM... SO, WHERE'S YOUR YOUNG ASSOCIATE?

EMILY HAS A WEEK'S VACATION SAVED.

SHE'S DECIDED TO STAY IN LOS ANGELES.

OH.

HMM. YOU KNOW, THE NEXT TIME YOU COME GUNNING FOR MY PEOPLE

AS A PRETEXT TO GET TO ME,

I WILL RETURN FIRE...

AT YOU...

AND WHICHEVER BOARD MEMBERS YOU THINK YOU HAVE IN YOUR CAMP.

-[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ] -I LOOK FORWARD TO THAT.

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS DOOR ARE 100 OF OUR BEST FRIENDS,

THE BEST PLAYLIST I'VE EVER PUT TOGETHER,

AND ALMOST ALL OF THE HOLLYWOOD WHEELS ROLLER-DERBY TEAM.

NOT TO MENTION A GIRL WHO IS CLEARLY IN LOVE WITH ME.

SHE'S DEFINITELY TOO GOOD FOR YOU.

WHAT ARE WE DOING IN HERE?

WELL, THIS -- THIS ONE WAS A CLOSE CALL.

AND IT MADE US REALIZE WHAT AND WHO ARE REALLY IMPORTANT.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING EMOTIONAL, AREN'T YOU?

WE WERE, BUT YOU JUST KILLED IT.

THANKS, PINDY.

OKAY, GUYS. COME ON.

I'M ORDERING YOU TO SAY SOMETHING NICE.

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING, INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

THIS WON'T BE THE LAST BUMP IN THE ROAD.

BUT AS LONG AS WE ARE ON THIS ROAD TOGETHER,

WE'LL BE FINE.

TO US.

-TO US. -TO US.

[ CAMEO'S "WORD UP" PLAYS ]

THERE IT IS.

-ED SHOWED UP. -WHERE?

-THERE! -NICE.

[CHUCKLING] YEAH.

SO, YOU GET TO SQUEEZE TWO BREASTS BEFORE YOU DIE.

KELLY LeBROCK OR PAT BENATAR?

WHO DO YOU PICK?

DOES IT HAVE TO BE BOTH ON ONE OF THEM,

OR COULD IT BE ONE ON EACH?

GOOD QUESTION.

YOU MAY HAVE FOUND A BOOB LOOPHOLE.

♪ OOH, WHAT A MIXTURE ♪

♪ SUCH A VIVID PICTURE ♪

♪ OOH, WHAT A MIXTURE ♪

♪ IF I MUST SAY SO MYSELF ♪

♪ OH, MY, WHAT A DAY ♪

♪ COMING AT ME ANYWAY ♪

♪ EVERYTHING I TRY TO SAY JUST COMES OUT BACKWARDS ♪

♪ OVERTHINKING, UNDER-REACHING ♪

♪ SOMEONE TELLS A JOKE, I'M BLINKING... ♪

♪ NOTHIN'S ALL THE SAME... ♪