All language subtitles for Franklin.&.Bash.S02E05.Episode.5.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

[ FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS ]

Peter: THE AMADEUS,
THE T-SQUARE,

THE MARY LOU RETTON,
THE HOUDINI, THE --

-OH!
-OH!

OKAY.

SO, AS YOU CAN SEE,

EVEN IF MARVIN AND NANCY WANTED
TO JOIN THE THE MILE HIGH CLUB

EN ROUTE TO VEGAS,
IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU SEE,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

PHYSICS PREVENTS SEX
IN ANY POSITION

IN A SouthCal AIRLINES
BATHROOM.

SIMPLE MISUNDERSTANDING.

LIKE THE TIME
YOU TRIED TO ARGUE

THAT AN ENERGY DRINK
CAUSED INSANITY.

BOYS, WHEN ARE YOU
GOING TO LEARN

THAT THESE CHARADES ONLY
OBFUSCATE YOUR CLIENT'S DEFENSE?

IS THAT
A RHETORICAL QUESTION?

IS "OBFUSCATE"
A REAL WORD?

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]

OH, COME ON,
YOUR HONOR.

YOU USUALLY GIVE US
A WARNING FIRST.

THIS SEEMS A LITTLE EXCESSIVE,
DON'T YOU THINK?

-OKAY.
-JUDGE DEREK KOHLER?

-YES.
-YOU'RE UNDER ARREST

FOR OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE
BY A JUDICIAL OFFICER.

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!

THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.

CAN YOU...
PLEASE COME WITH ME?

DOES THIS MEAN
WE GET A DO-OVER?

PLEASE.

THE D.A.'s OFFICE HAS ACCUSED ME
OF HAVING AN AFFAIR

WITH MARGARET POLLOCK

WHILE PRESIDING OVER
A NUMBER OF HER CASES.

POLLOCK? NO WAY!
TOTAL ICE QUEEN.

YOU KNOW WHAT? PUT US ON
THE STAND, WE'LL TESTIFY --

REMEMBER WHEN YOU TRIED
TO HIT ON POLLOCK

-AT THE BAR ASSOCIATION PARTY?
-YEAH.

-UGH!
-MARGARET AND I ARE IN LOVE.

HE MEANT "ICE QUEEN"
IN A GOOD WAY.

-I NEVER HIT ON HER.
-YOU HIT ON HER.

OFFICERS, UH, I'D LIKE TO CONFER
WITH MY ATTORNEYS ALONE.

TWO MINUTES.

WHY IS HE --
WHY IS HE LOOKING AT US?

GENTLEMEN...

I NEED FRANKLIN AND BASH.

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]

♪ OOH, WHAT A MIXTURE ♪

♪ SUCH A VIVID PICTURE ♪

♪ OOH, WHAT A MIXTURE ♪

♪ IF I MUST SAY SO MYSELF ♪

-DAMIEN.
-HEY.

FRIENDS DON'T
SHAKE HANDS.

[ SLAPS BACK ]

UH, YEAH, OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES ]

LAST TIME I CHECKED,
WE WEREN'T FRIENDS.

OH, AFTER 20 YEARS,

YOU'RE STILL PISSED
ABOUT THE THETA SPRING FORMAL?

UH, YEAH, YOU MEAN THE ONE
WHERE YOU BROKE MY NOSE.

[ SIGHS ]

WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU, LANCE?

OKAY, IF YOU DON'T WANT
A FRIEND, HOW ABOUT A CLIENT?

I'M LISTENING -- BARELY.

ABOUT THREE MONTHS AGO,

I JOINED THE GAY SOFTBALL
ASSOCIATION OF CALIFORNIA

TO MEET GUYS.

MY TEAM WON
THE CHAMPIONSHIP,

BUT NOW SOMEBODY AT G-SAC
IS ACCUSING US

OF HETEROSEXUAL CHEATING.

WAIT A SECOND.

I'M GAY, DAMIEN.

[ CHUCKLES ] NO, YOU'RE NOT.
WHAT? YOU -- WHAT?

YOU BANGED, LIKE,
EVERY 8, 9, AND 10 ON CAMPUS.

I JUST DON'T WANT
TO LIVE A LIE ANYMORE.

UM, OKAY.

AND YOU NEED A LAWYER
TO HELP YOU GET YOUR...?

G-SAC.

...YOUR G-SAC TROPHY BACK.

YEAH,
THEY DON'T BELIEVE I'M GAY.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, UH, LISTEN,
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

I-I CAN'T HELP YOU.

OUR FIRM DOESN'T TAKE
FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS.

DIDN'T I READ YOU'RE CONSIDERING
RUNNING FOR JUDGE?

YEAH,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

THIS COULD REALLY PUT YOU ON
THE MAP WITH THE GAY COMMUNITY.

AND I COULD COUNT ON YOU
FOR THEIR SUPPORT?

DAMIEN,
YOU GET ME OUT OF THE CLOSET,

I WILL PUT THEM
IN THE VOTING BOOTHS.

ALL RIGHT. YOU TELL YOUR TEAM,
BY THE TIME I'M DONE,

G-SAC WON'T EVEN BE ABLE
TO THINK STRAIGHT.

[ SIGHS ]

YOU NEVER ANSWERED WHY YOU WANT
PETER AND ME DEFENDING YOU.

YOU HATE US.

I ASSUMED THAT IF ANYONE
COULD RELATE TO MY PREDICAMENT,

IT WOULD BE YOU, MR. BASH.

JANIE ROSS AND I NEVER VIOLATED
ANY ETHICAL BOUNDARIES.

-MAYBE BLURRED A FEW.
-A COUPLE.

AND BEHIND THE SIDESHOW
THAT IS FRANKLIN AND BASH,

I THINK YOU TWO
SHOW GREAT POTENTIAL.

THE WAY YOU FIGHT
FOR YOUR CLIENTS...

-AWW.
-I LIKE THAT.

WHAT IS THE EVIDENCE
AGAINST ME?

THERE WAS
AN ANONYMOUS PACKAGE DELIVERED

TO THE D.A.'s OFFICE
CLAIMING YOU AND D.A. POLLOCK

HAVE BEEN DATING
SINCE JANUARY 2009.

SOMEONE'S GOT
THEIR TIMELINE WRONG.

I PRESIDED OVER
MARGARET'S CASES IN 2009,

BUT WE DIDN'T START DATING
UNTIL 2010.

AND I PROPOSED
SEVEN MONTHS LATER.

I HAVE RECUSED MYSELF
EVERY TIME

WE'VE FOUND OURSELVES
PAIRED TOGETHER IN COURT.

-Judge Kohler: IT'S ME.
-THAT'S YOU.

WATCHING YOU IN COURT TODAY
IN THAT PANTSUIT...

-[ SIGHS ]
-HMM.

ALL I CAN SAY IS...

RES IPSA LOQUITUR.

YOU PHONE SEX IN LATIN?
REALLY?

-THAT'S FREAKY.
-MARCH 7, 2009, 4:00 A.M.

WE SLAM THE DOOR, AND I LIFT
YOU UP ONTO YOUR DESK.

-YOU BITE MY LIP, DRAW BLOOD.
-THAT'S HOT.

AND I SMILE, BECAUSE YOU'RE
NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES.

NO, J-JUST HIT THE STOP BUTTON.
PLEASE, JUST TURN IT OFF.

THAT ONE'S BETTER.

I MEAN, IT'S INCREDIBLY
DAMAGING TO OUR CASE,

BUT YOU'RE GETTING THERE --
IT'S A STRONG EFFORT.

-CONFIDENCE.
-YEAH.

MARGARET, I'M SO SORRY
THAT THEY HEARD THAT.

THEY HAVE TO
KNOW EVERYTHING.

-GENTLEMEN.
-HI.

-ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
-I'VE HAD BETTER DAYS, SWEETIE.

Peter: D.A. POLLOCK,
DO YOU ADMIT

RECEIVING THOSE MESSAGES?

IN 2010, NOT 2009.

SOMEONE MUST HAVE ALTERED
THE TIME-STAMP.

THAT'S HARD TO DO,
YOUR HONOR.

YEAH, THAT'S LIKE
BLACK-OP, NBA STUFF.

HE MEANS NSA.

I AM TELLING YOU,
SOMEONE IS TRYING TO SET ME UP.

IF YOU GUYS
WEREN'T TOGETHER IN 2009,

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET YOUR
OFFICE TO CALL OFF THE DOGS?

BELIEVE ME, I TRIED.
NO ONE WILL TALK TO ME.

I'M SUSPENDED, PENDING THE
OUTCOME OF THE INVESTIGATION.

OUR FATE RESTS
ON YOUR ABILITY

TO CONVINCE A JURY
OF MY INNOCENCE.

THERE SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH THE ANONYMOUS INFORMATION.

POLLOCK AND KOHLER ARE TOO SMART
TO BE THAT STUPID.

WHAT IF THEY ARE
THAT STUPID?

WELL,
HE'S LOOKING AT 23 YEARS --

ONE YEAR FOR EACH CASE HE TRIED
WITH D.A. POLLOCK.

OPENING UP A FUTURE SEAT
ON HIS BENCH.

HM. SOUNDS LIKE
A WIN-WIN TO ME.

RIGHT, UH, DAMIEN...

WHERE ARE YOU AT WITH YOUR...
BOYFRIEND FROM COLLEGE?

LANCE IS A BOY,
AND HE WAS A FRIEND.

THEY'RE TWO SEPARATE NOUNS.

OH, MY GOD.
YOU AMERICANS ARE SO UPTIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I ONCE EXPERIENCED

A MOST MARVELOUS
POLYSEXUAL AWAKENING

IN 1976 ON OLD COMPTON STREET.
IT WAS...

OKAY, THE BURBANK BEARS
WERE THE WORST TEAM

IN THE GAY LEAGUE
BEFORE LANCE JOINED.

NOW, WHEN WE WERE AT S.C.,

HE SET THE SEASON
STRIKEOUT RECORD TWICE.

SO YOUR BOYFRIEND'S
A PITCHER.

THE LEAGUE THINKS
THAT LANCE IS A RINGER,

WHICH IS WHY
I'M PUSHING FORWARD

AND SUING
FOR EQUITABLE RELIEF.

DAMIEN, I'D BE DELIGHTED
TO PARTNER YOU ON THIS ONE.

LET'S -- LET'S GET YOUR FRIEND'S
CHAMPIONSHIP BACK, HM?

JANIE, YOU CAN'T HANG OUR JUDGE
ON ANONYMOUS INFO

AND A COUPLE OF VOICEMAILS.

HE HAS A RIGHT
TO CONFRONT HIS ACCUSER.

THANK YOU,
PROFESSOR BASH.

I ALSO WENT TO LAW SCHOOL.

YEAH? THEN WHY AREN'T YOU
ALSO GOING AFTER D.A. POLLOCK?

THAT'S
AN INTERESTING DEFENSE,

TRYING TO DRAG DOWN
YOUR CLIENT'S GIRLFRIEND

IN ORDER TO GET HIM OFF.

REMIND ME NEVER TO BE
IN A LIFE RAFT WITH YOU.

IT'S SELECTIVE
PROSECUTION.

KOHLER IS IN
A POSITION OF POWER.

IT'S LIKE A CIVIL
SEXUAL-HARASSMENT CASE.

PLEASE, YOU MEAN
YOU'RE GOING AFTER MY CLIENT

TO PROTECT ONE OF YOUR OWN.

WHO WE CHARGE
IS AT OUR DISCRETION.

THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
YOU'RE NOT SHARING.

YOU ALWAYS TILT YOUR HEAD
LIKE A DOG HEARS A FUNNY NOISE

WHEN YOU'VE GOT A SECRET.

OH, SO NOW
YOU'RE THE MENTALIST?

CHEWED-UP PENS --

TOTAL ROAD FLARE
FOR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION.

OH, GROW UP, PETER!

IS THAT FIANCé OF YOURS

ON SOME SORT OF
SEXUAL FAST AGAIN?

YOU KNOW
NATHAN AND I BROKE UP.

HE ACTUALLY MOVED
TO AN ASHRAM IN INDIA.

HUH. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU TOOK SOME

FRIENDLY FIRE IN THE SHEETS?

THAT IS NONE
OF YOUR BUSINESS!

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

TOO LONG.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

THE NIGHT MANAGER
AT THE PASADENA GRAND HOTEL

CAN PLACE KOHLER AND POLLOCK
TOGETHER IN FEBRUARY OF 2009.

WE'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT VOICEMAILS.

IT'S PRETTY HARD TO DOCTOR
A LIVE PERSON.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO TAKE THIS
TO TRIAL, PETER.

THEN HOW ELSE
WOULD I GET TO SEE YOU?

♪ OOOH ♪

♪ I CAN'T LET YOU GO ♪

Carlton:
ALL RIGHT, THAT WAS PRACTICE.

DOUBLE SWINGS, DOUBLE SWINGS.

WHOA.
GOOD HIT. GOOD HIT.

ALL RIGHT, GET IT, GET, GET!

YOU GOT TO CATCH THAT!
COME ON!

YOUR DEVIL DIVAS
ARE VERY IMPRESSIVE.

I SUPPOSE IT'S COINCIDENCE
THAT THE CAPTAIN

OF THE LOSING TEAM
OFFERED HIS LEGAL SERVICES

PRO BONO TO THE LEAGUE.

I'M OFFENDED
BY YOUR CLIENT'S INSENSITIVITY.

SEE, MY TEAM ALSO DESERVES
THAT TROPHY.

LANCE ADMITTED
HE WAS HOMOSEXUAL

IN THE LEAGUE'S
SELF-DECLARATION FORM.

I HAVE REASON
TO BELIEVE DIFFERENTLY.

THAT'S YOUR WORD
VERSUS HIS.

AND HALF MY TEAMMATES

CELEBRATING HIS VICTORY
AT WHISKERS NIGHTCLUB.

HE HAD A FEW TOO MANY
VODKA RED BULLS

AND BLURTED OUT HE HAD NEVER
DATED OR SLEPT WITH A MAN.

THAT DOESN'T --

I MEAN, THERE'S A LOT OF
HETEROSEXUAL VIRGINS OUT THERE.

PART OF
THE SELF-DECLARATION FORM STATES

THAT GAY MEANS PARTICIPATING
IN ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL BEHAVIOR.

WELL, COME ON, I MEAN,
THEN THE LEAGUE STANDARDS --

NOT ONLY ARE THEY UNFAIR,
BUT THEY'RE UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

WHILE WE'RE DISCUSSING
WHAT'S FAIR,

ARE YOU ALSO SUING THE STRAIGHT
LEAGUE THAT KICKED OUT LANCE?

YEAH, BANNED FOR LIFE --

FOR CHARGING THE MOUND
AFTER GETTING HIT BY A PITCH.

TWO DAYS BEFORE JOINING
THE BURBANK BEARS.

YOU SEE, THE ONLY REASON
YOUR CLIENT JOINED OUR LEAGUE

WAS BECAUSE HIS OTHER LEAGUE
DUMPED HIM.

HE DOESN'T LOVE MEN,
DAMIEN.

HE LOVES
COMPETITIVE SOFTBALL.

LET'S GO!

Judge Kohler: HOW CAN THEY SAY
FOR CERTAIN IT WAS ME?

WELL, THE NIGHT MANAGER
AT THE PASADENA GRAND

SAYS YOU ORDERED A 18-YEAR-OLD
MACALLAN SCOTCH

FROM ROOM SERVICE
ON FEBRUARY 19, 2009.

MYSELF AND A HUNDRED
OTHER JUDGES

AND LAWYERS WHO ATTENDED THAT

BAR ASSOCIATION
CONFERENCE THAT EVENING.

BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE
A BRUNETTE WITH THEM

WHO ORDERED A SPARKLING
GRAPEFRUIT WATER AT 1:22 A.M.

YOU ALSO ORDERED
AN IN-ROOM PORNO,

"REAL STEEL,"
20 MINUTES LATER.

THAT'S A FAMILY MOVIE,
PINDY.

THIS ONE STARS
"HUGE" JACKMAN.

Jared:
SOME COINCIDENCE --

BRUNETTE, FANCY WATER...

QUESTIONABLE FAMILY MOVIE.

COME ON,
THE MANAGER IS LYING.

YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW THAT.

YOUR HONOR,
HE DIRECTLY LINKS YOU

TO THE DATES
AND TO POLLOCK.

JANIE IS GOING TO BURY
US ALIVE WITH THIS.

Peter: WE SHOULD
JUST PLEAD YOU OUT.

YOU'VE BEEN A JUDGE FOR 20 YEARS
WITH A SPOTLESS RECORD --

NO JAIL TIME.
YOU GET SUSPENDED

FROM THE BENCH
FOR THREE YEARS.

SO, THE MOMENT
IT GETS TOUGH,

FRANKLIN AND BASH
WANT TO PACK IT IN.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MAVERICKS

THAT I RETAINED TO KICK OVER
THE SCALES OF JUSTICE?

STOP SELLING ME THE CASE.

START LAWYERING THE LAW.

JUDGE, YOU TRIED SIX CASES
IN '09 WITH D.A. POLLOCK.

THAT'S SIX POSSIBLE SUSPECTS

WHO COULD HAVE THEIR RULINGS
OVERTURNED IF YOU'RE CONVICTED.

THEY'LL GO FREE.

Pindar: THREE OF THEM
AREN'T SERVING ANY TIME --

VANDALISM, SHOPLIFTING, D.U.I.
THE OTHERS --

PETER AND I ALREADY INVESTIGATED
TORI RICHARDS,

WHO YOU HIT WITH FOUR YEARS
FOR ROBBERY.

SHE'S DEAD.

PROBABLY NOT A THREAT.

OUR FIFTH SUSPECT,
LEROY BRYANT,

MADE PAROLE LAST YEAR

AFTER DOING TWO YEARS
FOR DEALING METH.

WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE
TO TRACK HIM DOWN.

I HAVE ZERO TOLERANCE
FOR PUNKS LIKE LEROY.

IF HE WANTS ME,
HE'LL HAVE TO STAND IN LINE.

WELL, HE'LL PROBABLY
BE BEHIND JULIAN AROYAN.

Carmen: YOU SENT HIM AWAY
FOR FIVE YEARS

FOR EMBEZZLING
FROM HIS NIGHTCLUB.

Aroyan:
I'M GONNA GET YOU, KOHLER!

THIS ISN'T OVER!

I AM GONNA HUNT YOU DOWN!

YOU BETTER HIDE!

YOU BETTER HIDE!

YEAH, I GOT TO THINK YOU'RE NOT

ON HIS
CHRISTMAS-CARD LIST.

OH. THE LEAGUE
WANTS CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE

OF LANCE'S HOMOSEXUALITY.

[ Sighing ] OH. YOU KNOW, IT'S
A SHAME OUR LADS AT G-SAC

DON'T FEEL GAY ABOVE THE WAIST
IS GAY ENOUGH TO PLAY BALL.

I MEAN,
I STILL REMEMBER THE DAY

WHEN POPPING THE COLLAR
ON YOUR POLO

WAS ENOUGH TO GET YOU BACKSTAGE
AT "A CHORUS LINE."

HOW DO WE FIGURE OUT
WHAT MAKES LANCE GAY?

YOU GUYS
ARE OVERTHINKING THIS.

IT'S OBVIOUS
WHY LANCE IS GAY.

WELL, WE'RE NOT ALL BLESSED

WITH YOUR MILITARY-GRADE
GAYDAR, HANNA.

PLEASE, ENLIGHTEN US.

HE GOT A PERFECT SCORE
ON MY "COOPER TEST."

LANCE DRIVES A MINI-COOPER,

WANTS BRADLEY COOPER'S
BLUE EYES,

AND WATCHES ANDERSON COOPER
ON MUTE -- 100% GAY.

THAT'S BANANAS. JUST BECAUSE A
GUY ENJOYS

WATCHING A LITTLE OLYMPIC DIVING

DOESN'T DETERMINE ANYTHING
ABOUT HIS SEXUALITY.

YOU KNOW, I THINK HANNA'S ONTO
SOMETHING WITH HER COOPER TEST.

THE LEAGUE HAVE GOT
THEIR CRITERIA,

SO, WHY DON'T WE
BRING 'EM OURS?

YEAH.
[ CHUCKLES ]

IT'S LIKE I'M CAUGHT
IN CRAZY TOWN.

AROYAN'S GOT SERIOUS
ANGER-MANAGEMENT ISSUES.

DID YOU SEE THAT VEIN THROBBING
IN HIS FOREHEAD

-ON THE VIDEO?
-RIGHT OUT OF "SCANNERS."

I THOUGHT
IT WAS GONNA EXPLODE.

YOU KNOW IT WAS BASED
ON A TRUE STORY?

-NO WAY.
-"SCANNERS." TRUE STORY.

"OU EST LA SALLE DE BAIN?"

"WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?"

"TU ES MA JOIE DE VIVRE."

"YOU ARE THE JOY
OF MY LIFE."

-BON JOUR.
-MON NOM EST PETER

ET C'EST JARARRD.

WHAT? WE BOTH HAD
MADEMOISELLE STEIN.

I TOLD THE WARDEN
I'D BE HAPPY TO

ANSWER
ANY OF YOUR QUESTIONS.

I JUST CAN'T BE LATE
FOR MY AFTERNOON TAI CHI CLASS.

WELL,
WE WILL BE MUY RáPIDO.

-THAT'S SPANISH, DICK WAD.
-YEAH.

I HAD SEÑOR FLACKENBERRY.
SUCK IT.

JULIAN, WE HAVE IT
UNDER GOOD AUTHORITY

THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO FRAME
JUDGE KOHLER

TO GET YOUR CASE OVERTURNED.

KOHLER?
REFRESH MY MEMORY.

DO YOU REMEMBER
YOUR SENTENCING,

WHEN YOU SAID,
AND I QUOTE --

"I'M GOING TO SHOVE THAT GAVEL
UP YOUR BUTT

SO YOU CAN'T TALK OUT
YOUR ASS AGAIN"?

WELL, I WAS IN A DARK PLACE
BACK THEN SPIRITUALLY.

I'VE SINCE LEARNED
TO CHANNEL MY ANGER

INTO THE CLASSICS
AND MEDITATION, ROMANCE LAN--

YOU MEAN
YOU TURNED INTO A PUSSY?

ONLY A COWARD WOULD SEND
AN ANONYMOUS LETTER

TO DO HIS DIRTY WORK.

THIS IS BENEATH ME.
IT'S NOT MY STYLE.

WHAT IS YOUR CONNECTION
TO A NIGHT MANAGER

AT THE PASADENA GRAND
NAMED PAUL OSTROWSKI?

IT'S NOT RINGING ANY BELLS,
AND IF YOU WOULD,

I'D LIKE TO GO
ATTEND MY MEDITATION CLASS.

BUDDHA CAN WAIT.

ACCORDING TO
PRISON PHONE LOGS,

YOU MADE NUMEROUS CALLS
IN APRIL OF 2009

TO A DISPOSABLE CELL PURCHASED
WITH CASH IN PASADENA.

THAT RING ANY BELLS,
MAYBE A NICKI MINAJ RING TONE?

THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.

-GET OUT OF MY WAY.
-YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

WHENEVER WE CALL THAT PHONE,
IT JUST RINGS.

MAYBE THE NIGHT MANAGER
DOESN'T RECOGNIZE OUR NUMBER.

BECAUSE HE'S REALLY TALKATIVE IF
YOU CALL HIM ON HIS OFFICE LINE.

TELL YOU WHAT -- LET ME GET HIM
ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW,

WE'LL STRAIGHTEN THIS WHOLE
THING OUT WITH YOU RIGHT HERE.

-[GRUNTING]
-WHOA!

I'M GONNA RIP
YOUR THROAT OUT!

YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG,
FELLAS!

I JUST WANT TO SERVE MY TIME!

IT'S THE GUYS
ABOUT TO GO AWAY!

THEY'RE THE ONES WHO'LL SAY
ANYTHING TO STAY OUT! NOT ME!

WHEW.

IT'S OKAY TO ADMIT
THAT HE SCARED YOU.

I'M NOT SCARED.

YOU'RE HOLDING MY ARM.

NO, I'M NOT.

MR. THORPE, AS CHAIRMAN

OF THE GAY SOFTBALL
ASSOCIATION OF CALIFORNIA,

YOU ESTABLISHED THE CRITERIA
FOR NEWLY JOINING MEMBERS.

I MAKE CERTAIN EACH MEMBER
FULFILLS

THE GUIDELINES
OF OUR CHARTER.

AND ACCORDING TO
YOUR CRITERIA,

YOU DON'T THINK THAT LANCE HERE
IS GAY ENOUGH?

I DON'T THINK
LANCE IS GAY AT ALL.

WHY? BECAUSE HE DOESN'T
ACT LIKE YOU?

BECAUSE HE HASN'T HAD
A PHYSICAL OR ROMANTIC AFFAIR

WITH A MEMBER
OF THE SAME SEX.

GAY ISN'T A PHASE
IN OUR LEAGUE, MR. INFELD.

ARE YOU CONFIDENT
ABOUT YOUR OWN SEXUALITY?

I CAME OUT IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I'VE HAD MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIPS.
I AM A GAY MAN.

USING YOUR CRITERIA,
I SUPPOSE. [ CHUCKLES ]

NOBODY COULD DISPUTE
MY PRIDE.

AH! NOW, I'M REALLY HAPPY
TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT,

BECAUSE I HAVE MY OWN TEST
FOR GAYNESS.

Carlton:
OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR.

MR. INFELD DOESN'T HAVE
EXPERT KNOWLEDGE.

YOUR HONOR, THIS WITNESS
HAS ALREADY TESTIFIED

THAT NOBODY WILL DOUBT
HIS PRIDE.

CERTAINLY IF HE'S AS GAY
AS HE SAYS HE IS,

THEN HE'LL PASS ANY TEST
WITH FLYING COLORS.

OVERRULED.
I'LL ALLOW IT.

THANK YOU.

SO, MR. THORPE...
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

WOULD YOU PLEASE ILLUMINATE
FOR THE COURT

WHO WON "DANCING WITH
THE STARS," SEASON TWO?

I DON'T WATCH
"DANCING WITH THE STARS."

-[ SPECTATORS MURMUR ]
-WHAT?! OH, MY.

OH, WELL, YOU SHOULD.
IT'S A WONDERFUL SHOW.

BY THE WAY, DREW LACHEY.

HE TOOK THE TIARA HOME
THAT YEAR. [ CHUCKLES ]

UM [CLEARS THROAT]
MOVING ON.

AS A GAY MAN,
YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW

KATHY GRIFFIN'S
CURRENT HAIR COLOR.

-RED.
-OHH. OH, DEAR.

[ Chuckling ] NO, RED
IS HER NATURAL HAIR COLOR.

COPPER --
THAT'S THE NEW RED.

MM-HMM. WHAT'S GAYER --
PILATES OR YOGA?

OBJECTION! THIS RIDICULOUS
TEST OF MR. INFELD'S

DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING
ABOUT SEXUALITY.

-IT'S ARBITRARY AND DEMEANING.
-PRECISELY.

MY CRITERIA IS NO LESS ABSURD
THAN MR. THORPE'S.

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS,
YOUR HONOR,

HIS CRITERIA
UNFAIRLY STRIPPED LANCE

AND THE BURBANK BEARS
OF THEIR TITLE.

WELL, THANK YOU.
NO FURTHER QUESTIONS. MM.

PILATES IS GAYER.

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]

INVITING EVERY HETEROSEXUAL
FROM YOUR OFFICE

WON'T PROTECT YOU
FROM TURNING GAY, DAMIEN.

Karp: OH, PLEASE.
I AM MORE THAN

COMFORTABLE
WITH MY SEXUALITY.

BESIDES, MY BED COUNT IN COLLEGE
SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

NUMBERS
THAT CAN'T BE VERIFIED.

MAN, EVERYTHING
IS A COMPETITION WITH YOU.

I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU
I LIED ABOUT MY STATS.

NO WAY! EVERY THETA PLEDGE
DID THE WALK OF SHAME

OUT OF YOUR ROOM
JUNIOR YEAR.

I SAW THEM COME OUT
IN PAIRS.

OH, I'M A FABULOUS
LISTENER.

THEY'D TALK ABOUT
THEIR EATING DISORDERS,

CHEATING BOYFRIENDS,
WAXING.

WHAT ABOUT
LESLIE FRIEDMAN?

VIRGIN.
PROBABLY STILL IS.

WHAT? OR CHLOE SUMMERS
AND GRETA TURNBERRY.

LESBIAN.
PREGNANT, ECON PROFESSOR.

AMANDA MORRIS?

IT WAS 20 YEARS AGO.

DID YOU OR DIDN'T YOU
HAVE SEX WITH AMANDA MORRIS?

AMANDA ISN'T THE ONLY PERSON
THAT LANCE HAS FORGOTTEN ABOUT.

DID HE TELL YOU
ABOUT HIS EX-WIFE?

WHAT?

TANYA AND I GOT MARRIED
ON A CRUISE TO BARBADOS.

IT LASTED THREE YEARS.

AND TANYA IS TESTIFYING
AGAINST US IN THE MORNING.

HEY. COULD YOU
GIVE US A MOMENT?

LOOK AT ME.

STANTON GAVE US MATCHING SUITS
FOR MAKING EQUITY PARTNERS.

WE WANTED BREAKAWAY TUXEDOS,

BUT THEY'RE NOT
PROFESSIONAL -- HERE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

LISTEN, PETER,

I WAS THINKING
ABOUT THE CONVERSATION

WE WERE HAVING
THE OTHER DAY.

WHICH CONVERSATION
IS THAT?

OH. YEAH.

IT MIGHT'VE CROSSED MY MIND
A COUPLE HUNDRED TIMES.

I MEAN,
IT SEEMS CRAZY FOR TWO PEOPLE

WITH SO MUCH CHEMISTRY
TO DENY SOMETHING SO NATURAL.

YOU'RE READING MY MIND.

TWO PEOPLE
WORKING TOGETHER...

IN THE TRENCHES.

Who would blame them?

A JURY.

THIS IS ABOUT
KOHLER AND POLLOCK?!

JUDGMENT CAN BE COMPROMISED
WHEN DESIRE INTERFERES.

[ SIGHS ]
THAT WAS CRUEL.

BUT EFFECTIVE.

WE'RE WILLING TO REDUCE
THE CHARGE

TO ONE COUNT
OF MISDEMEANOR CONDUCT

AND HE STEPS DOWN
FROM THE BENCH FOR GOOD.

HE'LL NEVER GO FOR IT. AND
D.A. POLLOCK ISN'T EXACTLY --

SHE'S A VICTIM.

SHE HEADS UP OUR
CONVICTION INTEGRITY PROGRAM.

SHE STARTED THE PRISONER
REHABILITATION PROGRAM.

SHE RUNS THE UNSOLVED
CRIMES DIVISION. SHE'S A SAINT.

SHE HELPS INMATES...
GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL.

-ASSFACE!
-HEY! [ GASPS ] GRANDMA JANIE!

-ASSFACE.
-HI.

SORRY. YOU HAVE TO GO. WE HAVE
HIGH-LEVEL LEGAL DEFENSE STUFF.

YEAH, WE'RE GONNA TALK
ABOUT YOU. GET OUT OF HERE.

I'M GONE. GET YOUR BOYFRIEND
TO TAKE THE DEAL.

DID YOU SHOW HER
OUR SUITS?

-YEAH.
-WE GOT SUITS!

HEY, WE GOT TO GET CARMEN
ON D.A. POLLOCK.

SHE'S EITHER
BEING BLACKMAILED,

SHE'S BEING UNFAITHFUL,

-OR SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
-HUH?

-HUH?
-WHAT?

WE SHOPPED TOGETHER,
DANCED.

HE WAS FUN.

AND IF HE WAS SO WONDERFUL,

WHY AREN'T YOU
STILL TOGETHER?

I OPENED A HAIR SALON.

LANCE STARTED
A FITNESS CLUB.

THE STRESS PUT TOO MUCH PRESSURE
ON OUR RELATIONSHIP.

IT TORE US APART.

LIKE SO MANY OTHER
STRAIGHT MARRIAGES?

MM-HMM.

NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.

COULD YOU READ ALOUD
THE CHARGE

HIGHLIGHTED
ON THE CREDIT-CARD STATEMENT

YOU SHARED
WITH YOUR EX-HUSBAND?

$14.95, MONTHLY SERVICE
INSTALLMENT FOR...

guycatch.com.

A GAY DATING WEBSITE
FOR MEN.

A CHARGE WHICH APPEARS
EVERY MONTH

FOR SIX MONTHS BEFORE YOUR
DIVORCE.

LANCE JOINED THE SITE
TO HELP A GAY FRIEND

-AT THE SALON START DATING.
-YEAH, RIGHT.

AND I GO TO STRIP CLUBS
'CAUSE I LOVE BUFFALO WINGS.

-Carlton: OBJECTION.
-MR. KARP'S PERVERSE DIET

HAS NO RELEVANCE
IN THESE PROCEEDINGS.

MS. RENNER, YOU DIDN'T STEP
FORWARD TO TESTIFY AGAINST LANCE

BECAUSE YOU THINK
HE'S LYING.

YOU DID IT
BECAUSE YOU'RE ANGRY.

YOU'RE ANGRY THAT YOUR DANCING
AND SHOPPING PARTNER

COULD NEVER BE IN LOVE
WITH A WOMAN.

YOU FEEL USED,
DON'T YOU?

LIED TO?

AND WHO COULD BLAME YOU?

NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.

REDIRECT, YOUR HONOR.

ABOUT HOW MANY TIMES
PER WEEK

DID YOU AND LANCE ENGAGE
IN SEXUAL RELATIONS?

OBJECTION. RELEVANCE.

WELL, MR. KARP
MADE IT RELEVANT

BY SUGGESTING
THIS WAS A SHAM MARRIAGE.

OBJECTION OVERRULED.

THE WITNESS CAN ANSWER.

THREE TO FOUR.

AND DID LANCE
EVER EXPERIENCE ANY --

FORGIVE ME --
STAGE FRIGHT?

-QUITE THE OPPOSITE.
-OH.

THREE-YEAR MARRIAGE,
ACTIVE SEX LIFE.

WELL, IF LANCE
ISN'T STRAIGHT,

THEN HE DESERVES
AN ACADEMY AWARD.

THANK YOU.

I'VE BEEN A TRIAL JUDGE
FOR 19 YEARS,

PRESIDING OVER
1,470 CASES.

AND OF THOSE 1,400-PLUS CASES,
HOW MANY WERE APPEALED?

ROUGHLY HALF.
COMES WITH THE JOB.

HOW MANY WERE OVERTURNED?

TWO.

TWO OUT OF 700 CASES,

MEANING YOUR INTERPRETATION
OF THE LAW

IS NEARLY INCONTROVERTIBLE.

AS JUDGES,
WE MUST PUT PREJUDICE ASIDE

AND SEE CASES THROUGH
THE BLINDFOLDED EYES

OF LADY JUSTICE.

LADY JUSTICE.
I LIKE THAT.

NOW, WE'VE DEMONSTRATED
THAT YOU'RE A MAN OF HONESTY,

A MAN OF INTEGRITY.

WOULD YOU TELL THE JURY
WHEN YOU BEGAN

YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH D.A. POLLOCK?

IN FEBRUARY OF 2010.

I IMMEDIATELY RECUSED MYSELF
FROM ALL HER FUTURE CASES.

FEBRUARY 2010,

MORE THAN A YEAR AFTER THE CLAIM
IN THE ANONYMOUS LETTER.

NO MORE QUESTIONS.

RESPECTFULLY,
JUDGE KOHLER,

WHAT SIGNIFIED
FEBRUARY OF 2010

AS THE START
OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

A SEXUAL ENCOUNTER
LATE ONE EVENING IN MY CHAMBERS.

CROSSING THE LINE
FROM COLLEAGUE

TO SOMETHING MORE
TAKES COURAGE.

I-I-IF YOU'RE NOT BOTH
ON THE SAME PAGE

WHEN THAT SPARK STRIKES,

THINGS COULD GET
REAL AWKWARD.

OBJECTION.
COUNSEL'S TESTIFYING.

MS. ROSS IS TRYING TO WORK OUT
CERTAIN ISSUES IN HER OWN LIFE.

YOUR POINT, MS. ROSS?

THE EMOTIONAL BUILDUP
TO A RELATIONSHIP

IS JUST AS SIGNIFICANT
AS THE CONSUMMATION

OF THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF,
YOUR HONOR.

CARRY ON.

SO, IS THE JURY TO BELIEVE

THAT YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE
ANY FEELINGS TOWARD D.A. POLLOCK

PRIOR TO THAT INTIMATE ENCOUNTER
IN YOUR CHAMBERS?

I AM A PROFESSIONAL,
MS. ROSS.

UH, LET ME REPHRASE
THE QUESTION.

WAS IT PROFESSIONAL
TO SEND MS. POLLOCK AN E-MAIL

IN MARCH OF 2009
WITH A WINKY FACE EMOTICON?

I AM KNOWN
FOR MY EMOTICONS,

ESPECIALLY
THE ABE LINCOLN FACE.

I'VE SENT THEM TO ALL THE D.A.s
IN YOUR OFFICE,

DEFENSE ATTORNEYS,
MY SUPPORT STAFF --

CAN YOU ANSWER
THE QUESTION?

KEEPING IN MIND
YOU'RE UNDER OATH.

I MAY HAVE BEEN ATTRACTED
TO MARGARET.

I SWEAR, IT HAD NO IMPACT
ON MY RULINGS.

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE?

COULDN'T YOUR ATTRACTION HAVE
COLORED THINGS...JUST A LITTLE?

I DON'T KNOW.

THANK YOU
FOR YOUR HONESTY.

NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.

Jared: [ LAUGHS ]

-HEY, HEY.
-HEY. CARMEN.

HEY. SO, I RAN INTO
AN OLD FRIEND

WHILE RESEARCHING POLLOCK'S
PRISONER REHABILITATION PROGRAM.

GUYS, THIS IS RICKY.

-RICKY.
-HEY, RICKY.

GET THE GUYS UP TO SPEED

-WITH WHAT YOU TOLD ME.
-OH, OKAY.

FROM JANUARY 2009
TO APRIL 2009,

LARRY DOBECK DID A STRETCH
FOR IDENTITY THEFT.

HE'S THE COUSIN
OF THE NIGHT MANAGER

AT THE PASADENA GRAND,

WHERE POLLOCK AND KOHLER
WERE I.D.'d.

SERVED HIS TIME IN THE SAME
CELL BLOCK AS JULIAN AROYAN.

WHICH IS PROBABLY
WHERE POLLOCK ENTERS OUR STORY,

EXCEPT I CAN'T FIND AROYAN

IN ANY OF THE CLASSES
POLLOCK TAUGHT.

BUT HERE'S THE THING --

POLLOCK TUTORS HIM PRIVATELY
IN FRENCH.

PRIVATELY, AS IN ALONE?

AS IN VERY COMMITTED
TO HIS STUDIES?

FLUENT IN
THE ROMANTIC LANGUAGES?

Carmen: OKAY, ENOUGH.
IS HE BONING HER OR WHAT?

[ SIGHS ] LOOK, YOU DIDN'T HEAR
THIS FROM ME, ALL RIGHT?

BUT SHE GOT A CLASS
AT 2:00 P.M.

ASK HER YOURSELF.

THANKS, RICKY.

YOU GOT IT.

I AM DONE GETTING
SUCKER-PUNCHED BY YOU.

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON?

OH, YOU FIGURED ME OUT,
DAMIEN.

I'M FAKING GAY
FOR AN ALUMINUM TROPHY.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
FROM WHERE I'M STANDING,

I SEE THE EXACT SAME GUY
WHO THREW SPITTERS IN COLLEGE

TO GET
HIS STRIKEOUT RECORDS.

YEAH, SO WHAT?
I LIKE TO WIN.

YEAH, WELL,
THAT'S THE EXACT SAME ATTITUDE

THAT LANDED ME IN THE HOSPITAL
WITH A BROKEN NOSE

AND...GOT YOU
AMANDA MORRIS.

OH, COME ON!
I DIDN'T MEAN TO MESS US UP.

WE WERE LIKE BROTHERS.

WELL, NOW I'M YOUR LAWYER.

AND UNLESS WE CAN FIND SOMEONE
TO CORROBORATE YOUR SEXUALITY,

PREFERABLY NOT SOME
HOT BIKINI MODEL...

WE'RE SCREWED.

I DON'T HAVE TO
LISTEN TO THIS.

I'LL TELL YA.

ONE TIME, I TRIED TELLING
SOMEBODY

WHO WAS CLOSE TO ME,
BUT I LACKED THE COURAGE

'CAUSE I THOUGHT
IT WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING.

AWESOME.
WE'LL GO WITH THAT.

SO MUCH CONFIDENCE NOW.

OH, GREAT TIMING.

I-I THINK WE'RE GONNA USE
YOUR COOPER TEST RESULTS

TO SWAY THE JUDGE.

"LOVE IS BLIND.

FRIENDSHIP CLOSES ITS EYES."

REALLY?
I CAN USUALLY COUNT ON STANTON

FOR THE USELESS
NIETZSCHE QUOTES.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO
ABOUT LANCE?

DO YOU REMEMBER
WHEN YOU TOOK ME TO CATALINA

FOR VALENTINE'S DAY?

YOU LEFT EARLY BECAUSE
I SPENT THE ENTIRE VACATION

PLAYING GOLF WITH TOM WUHLER
FROM THE NEW YORK OFFICE.

I LEFT EARLY BECAUSE YOU FILLED
OUR HOTEL ROOM WITH ORCHIDS

AND I BROKE OUT IN HIVES.

WHAT?
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

YOU USED TO LEAVE ORCHIDS
ON MY DESK

EVERY TIME
YOU THOUGHT ABOUT ME.

AND EVERY TIME,
I TOLD YOU THEY WERE SWEET,

BUT I'M NOT REALLY
A FLOWER GIRL.

MM.
ALL WOMEN LOVE FLOWERS.

I-I JUST FIGURED THAT YOU
WANTED ME TO WORK HARDER.

SOMETIMES YOU LISTEN
TO THE WORDS, DAMIEN,

BUT YOU DON'T HEAR THEM.

YOUR PROBLEM
ISN'T ABOUT LANCE.

IT'S ABOUT YOU.

YOU THINK YOU COULD
BREAK OUT OF THIS PRISON?

UNMARKED BULLETPROOF HELICOPTER
LANDS IN THE YARD.

CAYENNE PEPPER
TO THROW OFF THE DOGS.

GONE IN 60 SECONDS!

YOU HAVE
THOUGHT THIS THROUGH.

BUT WHERE ARE YOU GETTING AN
UNMARKED BULLETPROOF HELICOPTER?

THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN.

PETER, JARED.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY WITH DEREK?

[ SIGHS ]

SORRY, I BET HIM FIVE BUCKS
THAT YOU'D CONFESS

TO YOUR AFFAIR WITH AROYAN
THE SECOND YOU SAW US.

-THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
-THAT'S WHAT I SAID!

A WOMAN WHO COULD CRUSH
HER FIANCé'S HEART

WITH HER BARE HANDS
ISN'T CAPABLE OF REMORSE.

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

JUST BECAUSE I WORK
INDEPENDENTLY WITH A PRISONER

DOESN'T MEAN I'M ROMANTICALLY
INVOLVED WITH HIM.

-OH!
-THERE IT IS.

-THANKS.
-PLEASE STOP DOING THAT.

WE CAN'T LET YOU
SEND KOHLER TO PRISON

JUST SO YOU CAN CONTINUE
YOUR FRENCH-FESTS.

I MOVED IN WITH DEREK.

I BECAME A DOG PERSON FOR HIM.
WE'RE ENGAGED.

THAT'S PROBABLY GONNA CHANGE
WHEN YOU'RE LOCKED UP IN CHINO

FOR CONSPIRACY
AND CRIMINAL FRAUD.

I'D IMAGINE
IT'S NOT CO-ED,

SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BID
ADIEU TO YOUR FRENCH LESSONS.

DEREK'S GONNA BE UPSET
WHEN HE HEARS ABOUT THIS.

YOU USED TO LIVE
IN PASADENA BEFORE YOU MOVED IN

-WITH KOHLER, RIGHT?
-[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

Jared: THAT'S THE SAME CITY
WHERE AROYAN

BOUGHT THE DISPOSABLE CELLPHONE
HE'S BEEN CALLING.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

HOW DO YOU THINK KOHLER WILL
TAKE THE NEWS ABOUT POLLOCK?

YOU EVER SEEN
YOUR FATHER CRY?

OH, MAN. I FEEL SORRY
FOR THE GRUMPY DUDE.

UP UNTIL NOW, I DIDN'T KNOW
HIS HEART WAS CAPABLE OF A BEAT.

SAME OLD STORY.
INNOCENT HOT GIRL

FALLS
FOR DANGEROUS BAD BOY.

THIS IS SO "DIRTY DANCING."

AAH! YEAH, EXCEPT SWAYZE
WAS JUST MISUNDERSTOOD.

-[ GROANS ]
-[ LAUGHS ]

-[ DOOR CLOSES ]
-THERE HE IS!

THERE! THERE...HE IS!

[ SIGHS ]
OH, JEEZ.

COME ON IN!

Judge Kohler: WHAT IS IT
THAT COULDN'T WAIT?

I HAVE TO MEET MARGARET
FOR OUR MARRIAGE BLOOD TEST.

OKAY, UM...

JARED HAS SOME INFORMATION
THAT HE HAS TO SHARE WITH YOU.

-ME?
-J's BEFORE "P."

ALL RIGHT.
UH, YOUR HONOR,

ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOUR FIANCéE
HAD PERSONAL...

ENCOUNTERS WITH PRISONERS?

HER REHABILITATION PROGRAM
HAS AN 80% GRADUATION RATE,

SO I ASSUMED
THAT SHE'S HAD FAVORITES.

-SHE DOES.
-SHE DOES. YEAH.

JULIAN AROYAN
IS ONE OF THEM.

FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS,
YOUR FIANCéE

PRIVATELY TUTORED HIM
IN FRENCH.

SHE WAS ALSO
TEACHING ME FRENCH.

A PRISON GUARD
CONFIRMED IT,

BUT HE WON'T TESTIFY.

SO YOUR THEORY IS BASED
ON AN UNVERIFIABLE WITNESS.

WELL, WE KIND OF HOPED MAYBE
YOU HAD ACCESS TO HER COMPUTER

OR HAD COME ACROSS
ANY SUSPICIOUS DOCUMENTS.

SHE COVERED HER TRACKS.

I AM TELLING YOU
THAT YOU ARE WRONG.

SHE GAVE UP HER HOME.
SHE GAVE AWAY HER CAT.

SHE BECAME A DOG PERSON.

SH-- WE'VE MERGED OUR FINANCES.
SHE'S PLANNING A LIFE WITH ME.

OR SHE'S PLANNING
HER ESCAPE

AND DOESN'T WANT
ANY ATTACHMENTS.

YOU'RE WRONG!

AND YOU'RE LAZY!

AND IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE PERSON
THAT'S SETTING ME UP,

THEN I WILL HAVE TO
FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE
GONE FIRST.

NO, YOU DID --
YOU DID...GOOD.

-I DON'T THINK SO.
-NO.

YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE A LIFE,
DO YOU?

WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU, PETER?

POLLOCK RIGGED THE CASE.
YOU HAVE TO DISMISS.

-DO I?
-THIS IS ABOUT A WOMAN'S CONTROL,

NOT A JUDGE'S
DERELICTION OF DUTY.

A WOMAN'S CONTROL?

NO, THIS IS ABOUT HOW KOHLER
LURED HER IN

WITH HIS POWER AND HIS CHARM
AND HIS EYES.

SHE LURED HIM IN
WITH HER SIREN SONG.

YOU'VE READ
"THE ODYSSEY"?

CLIFFS NOTES.

EVEN WITH HIS BOAT SHATTERED
IN PIECES,

HE STILL CLINGS TO THE ROCKS,

WAITING...HOPING...

FOR ONE LAST GLIMPSE...

OF HER BEAUTY.

♪ WON'T YOU MOVE
A LITTLE CLOSER ♪

♪ ALWAYS CLEAN, THAT BEAT ♪

♪ HERE WITH YOU
MY LOVE ♪

♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

MR. DILLON...

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT
THE FIRST MAN TO MARRY A WOMAN

TO HIDE HIS HOMOSEXUALITY.

YOU KNOW,
BUT WHAT REALLY BAFFLES ME IS...

WHY DID YOU STAY IN THE CLOSET
FOR SO LONG?

I, UM...

COULDN'T HANDLE THE CONSEQUENCES
OF COMING OUT.

OH. THE CONSEQUENCES.

SO, WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU FIRST
TRIED TO COME OUT?

I, UH...

WELL, ACTUALLY, UM...
UH, THERE...

NOW, TAKE YOUR TIME.

YOUR HONOR,
WITH THE COURT'S PERMISSION,

I'LL CONTINUE THE LINE
OF QUESTIONING.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

ISN'T IT TRUE THAT YOU ONCE
GOT INTO A FIGHT

WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND
OVER A GIRL?

-AMANDA MORRIS.
-RIGHT.

AND YOU BOILED OVER
WITH SO MUCH RAGE

THAT, IN A FIT OF PASSION,
YOU PUNCHED HIM.

YEAH, AS HARD AS I COULD.

RIGHT.

BUT THE RAGE WASN'T OVER
AMANDA MORRIS, WAS IT?

WAS IT?

ACTUALLY,
IT INVOLVED SOMEONE

WHO WOULDN'T HAVE UNDERSTOOD
THE TRUTH.

WHO WAS THAT PERSON?

I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS
RIGHT NOW.

I GET IT, BUT, UNFORTUNATELY,
YOU'RE UNDER OATH.

ANSWER THE QUESTION.

YOU.

[ Voice breaking ]
I PUNCHED YOU

BECAUSE I WAS...ANGRY...

THAT I'D NEVER HAVE YOU.

[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]

THANK YOU, LANCE.
THANK YOU.

WE SUBPOENA AROYAN
AND THE NIGHT MANAGER.

THEY'LL JUST LIE.

WE CAN...

WE --

OKAY, COULD YOU STOP
WITH THE GUITAR?

YOU'RE KILLING ME.

-YOU SLEPT WITH JANIE.
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

THAT IS THE SAME CHEESY SONG
YOU WROTE

THE FIRST TIME YOU GUYS
SLEPT TOGETHER!

-IT'S NOT CHEESY.
-THAT IS A CHEESY SONG!

-IT'S "RAINY DAY JANIE"!
-THAT IS WARPED. WHAT?!

"RAINY DAY JANIE."

"RAINY DAY JANIE."
HOW DARE YOU?

HOW DARE YOU?

THAT IS A GUTSY MOVE,
CONSIDERING WE ARE REPRESENTING

A JUDGE WHO'S ACCUSED
OF THE SAME CRIME?

-IT'S DIFFERENT.
-HOW?

IT'S WAY, WAY DIFFERENT!

HOW?!
IT'S NOT DIFFERENT.

EW. YOU --

ALL RISE.

I JUST PICKED UP
MY BLOOD-TEST RESULTS

FROM MY DOCTOR, AND HE GAVE ME
MARGARET'S WORK-UP.

SHE'S RUNNING AWAY
WITH AROYAN,

AS SOON AS SHE
GETS ME CONVICTED.

WHICH WILL GIVE HIM THE KEY
TO HIS PRISON CELL.

MAN, ACCORDING TO THIS,

SHE'S HAD HER EXIT PLAN
FROM THE START.

THIS ISN'T ENOUGH
TO PROVE SHE SET HIM UP.

WE GOT TO FIND SOMETHING
TO DIRECTLY LINK HER PLAN

TO AROYAN.

I'VE SEEN
FRANKLIN AND BASH DO

A LOT MORE WITH A LOT LESS.

THE DEFENSE CALLS
MARGARET POLLOCK TO THE STAND.

-JUST PUT HIM RIGHT THERE.
-OBJECTION!

THIS WITNESS
IS NOT ON MY LIST.

Jared:
CLEARLY, MS. ROSS WOKE UP

ON THE SIDE OF THE WRONG BED
THIS MORNING.

WE'VE BROUGHT IN
JULIAN AROYAN

STRICTLY FOR
IDENTIFICATION PURPOSES.

OVERRULED.

Overruled.
[ MUTTERS ]

MISS POLLOCK,
DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE MAN

SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW
BETWEEN THE TWO OFFICERS?

MR. AROYAN
IS A STUDENT OF MINE

AT THE CALIFORNIA
CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTE.

ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HIM?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Judge Sheffield:
RETURN TO PORT, MR. FRANKLIN.

YOUR FISHING EXPEDITION
IS OVER.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I APOLOGIZE
FOR MY COLLEAGUE.

OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE
WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE ENGAGED
TO JUDGE KOHLER.

THIS WOMAN... SHE GOT
A MARRIAGE BLOOD TEST,

SOMETHING THE STATE OF
CALIFORNIA DOESN'T EVEN REQUIRE.

WHY?

THEY'RE NEEDED IN FRANCE.

WE'RE PLANNING A CEREMONY
IN BRANTôME.

IT'S THE VENICE
OF PéRIGORD.

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

BUT YOU ALSO GOT VACCINATIONS
FOR TYPHOID,

MALARIA, AND DIPHTHERIA
AT THE SAME DOCTOR'S VISIT.

I...WANTED TO BE CAUGHT UP
IN CASE WE TRAVELED.

WELL, I WASN'T AWARE OF
A MALARIA EPIDEMIC IN FRANCE.

OBJECTION!
ARGUMENTATIVE.

Judge Sheffield:
SUSTAINED.

MISS POLLOCK,
WERE YOU AWARE

THAT VACCINATIONS
FOR SCHISTOSOMIASIS

AND MEDITERRANEAN SPOTTED FEVER

ARE ONLY REQUIRED FOR
REMOTE REGIONS OF MOROCCO?

-I'M NOT A PHYSICIAN.
-Janie: RELEVANCE, YOUR HONOR.

MR. BASH,
YOUR CLOCK IS TICKING.

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT
THE CONTENTS OF THIS ENVELOPE

CONTAINED TWO PLANE TICKETS
TO RABAT, MOROCCO?

[ SCOFFS ] I WOULD SAY IT'S A PATENTED
FRANKLIN-AND-BASH BLUFF.

COULD YOU PLEASE READ
THE CONTENTS ALOUD FOR THE JURY?

[ PAPER RUSTLING ]

TWO TICKETS
TO RABAT, MOROCCO.

WHO ARE THEY FOR?

ME AND...

-DEREK KOHLER.
-YOU BITCH!

YOU SET ME UP!
YOU'RE GOING WITH HIM?!

BABE, I'M NOT GOING
WITH H--

-YOU'RE A LIAR!
-[ SIGHS ]

Judge Sheffield:
BAILIFFS, REMOVE HIM!

[ SIGHS ]

I --

I MEAN...

THESE TICKETS ARE FAKE.

MISS POLLOCK,
YOU SENT THE ANONYMOUS PACKAGE

IMPLICATING JUDGE KOHLER
TO YOUR OWN OFFICE, DIDN'T YOU?

PROVE THAT.

Janie: A-AT THIS TIME, THE PROSECUTION

MOVES TO DISMISS,
YOUR HONOR.

AND WE WOULD ALSO MOVE
TO ADD THE CHARGE OF PERJURY

AGAINST MARGARET POLLOCK.

BAILIFFS, TAKE MISS POLLOCK
INTO CUSTODY, FORTHWITH.

-OKAY, OKAY.
-Bailiff: COME ON.

-REALLY?
-UH-HUH.

ALL RIGHT.

[ SIGHS ]

JANIE, D.A. POLLOCK'S
A BAD PERSON.

SHE USED JUDGE KOHLER'S
VULNERABILITY

TO MANIPULATE EVERYONE
AROUND HER.

IS THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING
TO EACH OTHER?

WE'RE JUST HAVING FUN.

OUR SEX-TIVITIES WERE NEVER
THIS ADVENTUROUS WHEN WE DATED.

SEX-TIVITIES.

AT LEAST WE DON'T HAVE
THE PRESSURE

OF A RELATIONSHIP
HANGING OVER US.

NOPE, JUST THE FANTASY.

AND IF WE GOT CAUGHT...

Judge Kohler:
CAUGHT DOING WHAT?

YEAH, WHAT?

UH, CAUGHT WITH OUR PANTS DOWN

OVER D.A. POLLOCK.

A FAIR JUDGMENT MEANS YOU CHECK
YOUR EMOTIONS AT THE DOOR.

Bryce: ON BEHALF OF THE GAY SOFTBALL
ASSOCIATION OF CALIFORNIA,

JOIN ME IN CONGRATULATING
THE BURBANK BEARS

AS OUR NEW CHAMPIONS!

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS, CORK POPS ]

-[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
-AWESOME.

-HEY!
-HEY.

[ Chuckling ] OH, RIGHT.

WELL, LOOKS LIKE
THIS RAINBOW

HAD A POT OF GOLD AT THE END
OF IT AFTER ALL.

LISTEN, DAMIEN,
I NEVER SAID SO.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW I'M SORRY
I DECKED YOU BACK THEN.

I WISH I JUST, SOMEHOW,
I COULD HAVE SPARED YOU,

I DON'T KNOW, SOME OF
THOSE YEARS OF SELF-DOUBT --

WITHOUT THE SEX,
OBVIOUSLY.

IT WAS A CRUSH,
ALL RIGHT?

YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY TYPE
THESE DAYS.

WHAT'S YOUR TYPE?

-MEN WHO ARE IN SHAPE.
-I'M IN SHAPE!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I HAVEN'T HAD
A CARB IN LIKE NINE YEARS.

LOOK, I WOULD NEVER
JEOPARDIZE OUR FRIENDSHIP

BY HITTING ON YOU.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT,
BUT, I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.

WHAT AREA DO YOU THINK
NEEDS THE MOST WORK?

IT'S HARD TO GET THIS FLAT,

BECAUSE I HAVE
LARGE INTERNAL ORGANS.

-YEAH. YEAH.
-LANCE, LET'S GO.

HEY, ALL RIGHT!

[ MUSIC CONTINUES,
INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

YOU SEE ABOUT
THIS GUY KNUCKLEFACE?

YOU GOT TO ADMIT,
THAT IS ONE BADASS MOB NAME.

THAT'S WHAT
I'VE BEEN SAYIN' FOREVER.

I MEAN, WE SHOULD HAVE
MOB NAMES.

I'LL GO BY "JELLY ROLL."

I'M NOT
CALLING YOU JELLY ROLL.

THAT'S STUPID.

YOU GOT A BEEF
WITH JELLY ROLL, JUICE BOX?

-JUICE BOX? I'M JUICE BOX?
-UH-HUH.

SCARY GUY
FORTIFIED WITH VITAMIN C?

NOBODY KNOWS
WHAT IT REALLY MEANS.

Bailiff: ALL RISE.

-HEY --
-WHOA.

YOUR HONOR, YOU CAN'T PRESIDE OVER THIS
CASE, GIVEN OUR HISTORY.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
RECUSE YOURSELF.

GENTLEMEN, THAT IS MY CHOICE,
NOT THE LAW.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU FILED

A 997 AFFIDAVIT
TO HAVE ME REMOVED.

AND HAD YOU PURSUED THAT ROUTE,

I WOULD HAVE ISSUED A WRIT
OF PROHIBITION TO STOP IT.

-THAT'S NOT COOL.
-THIS SUCKS!

DON'T TEMPT ME, FELLAS.

WE HAVE HISTOR--
AHH, COME ON. AHHH! AHH.

-I THINK YOU SHOULD STOP.
-REALLY?

♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

♪ I CAN'T LET YOU GO ♪

♪ WON'T YOU MOVE
A LITTLE CLOSER ♪

♪ ALWAYS CLEAN, THAT BEAT ♪

♪ HERE WITH YOU
MY LOVE ♪