Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

WOMAN 1: Whoo! Falling in love with that bod.

Eyes above the waist. Come on, now.

-We are intelligent human beings. -WOMAN 2: Where you going?

PETER: Amber North, Simone Winters, erotic-aerobic instructors?

Oh, hello.

Owners of Rock & Pole? That's catchy.

We didn't rob those Brentwood bitches.

L.A.P.D. found a $50,000 ring in your workout bag

after you taught an in-home pole-dancing class. Uh, Amber?

I'm Amber. She's Simone.

I don't know how that ring got in our bag.

SIMONE: We didn't take that lady's necklace.

Someone's messing with us.

Well, girls, our job is no different than yours.

We're here to get you off.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[PETE'S "MIXTURE" PLAYING]

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

That lynx tracked my scent

across the entire north ridge of the Peters Glacier.

Now, luckily, she only got a piece of my flesh

and not my determination to summit Denali.

That's amazing, Mr. Infeld.

Hey, you know, I should climb Denali next.

That's a good-- Oh, Hanna, Damien.

I'd like you to meet our new client. This is Alex Carlisle.

Alex rode his bicycle all the way up here

from Orange County.

Last time I checked, Stanton, we don't do curfew violations.

Actually I wanna be the youngest kayaker to solo the Amazon.

But my dad won't let me.

He's sponsored by the founder of Outdoor Apparel.

But his father has placed a preliminary injunction

to stop him from going.

-How old are you, Alex? -I'm 13.

STANTON: Oh, this is not your ordinary teenager, Hanna, no.

IQ: 173. Master Falcon Scout at 9.

And there isn't a river I can't kayak blindfolded.

Cool. Um, it's a suicide mission.

We might as well ask the judge's permission

to let him jump his Schwinn across the Grand Canyon.

STANTON: What if somebody told

Alexander the Great that he was too young to rule.

Or a young Kobayashi that he couldn't eat 60 hot dogs?

No. Great achievements involve great risk.

Well, we welcome the challenge. Alex is very inspiring.

Thanks for your support.

It's an honor to meet a boy as brave as you.

You're very kind, but it's been a while since I was a boy.

[♪♪♪]

-Ladies. -Hello.

Made it to the high-rise, but still working out of the basement.

Let's blast the roof off this joint.

-Eddie and Hagar? -Hagar sells tequila now.

-Noted. Retro Roth? -Mmm.

Judge Douglas, the DA would have you believe

that our clients are merely two women with drop-dead legs

who dance the night away.

These beautiful girls are successful entrepreneurs

who built their Rock & Pole business from the ground up.

They aren't running with the devil.

Your Honor, they're using Van Halen song titles as a defense.

-You really got me. -Don't push your luck, gentlemen.

We'd like to enter a plea of "not guilty."

And request our clients' release on their own recognizance pending trial.

Your Honor, Miss North and Miss Winters

stand accused of stealing $350,000 worth of jewelry

after drugging their victims during a glorified sex show.

-Drugging those housewives? -We would never do that.

The state requests bail be set at $100,000.

That's ridiculous, Your Honor. They have no prior records.

And their 6-inch stilettos make flight risk nearly impossible.

The defendants are released on their own recognizance.

-There you go. -Next case, Miss Ross.

[♪♪♪]

-JARED: What is this? -I don't know.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING AND PEOPLE CHEERING ON TV]

Dirty twirlers

has been on our vision board since law school.

You know, Amber is a former Clippers cheerleader.

I recognize those moves.

Oh, man. I mean,

it's like catching a mermaid in the same net.

So about an hour after this footage was shot,

the guests passed out from laced margaritas,

woke up cleaned out.

What does the toxicology report say about the drugs?

Uh, Hycobine. French Vicodin. Very rare.

Sounds naughtier than regular Vicodin.

Amber and Simone never even heard of it.

They said they taught the class, things got crazy, so they bolted.

How'd the cops find the engagement ring in their bag?

The police searched their apartment when Amber wasn't there.

Simone claims that they shared the bag.

Amber wasn't there, but it's her apartment.

Simone didn't have the authority to let the police in.

Illegal search and seizure.

Get that ring tossed out, and Janie's case falls apart.

-Boom. -[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in. Where's Pindar?

Hey. Our favorite defendants.

-What is with the sad faces? -PETER: Ohh.

Tell them what you told me in the steam room.

SIMONE: Three years ago, I worked for a club in Arizona.

You know, the other kind of dancing.

There's no shame in being versatile.

She robbed the club's safe, spent 30 days in jail.

The manager screwed me out of my tips.

I only took what was owed me. This totally sucks.

Yeah. Coming from money doesn't make you an angel.

We work the same pole.

My douche-bag lawyer sold me out in court.

It happened so fast, they, uh--

They booked me under my stage name, "Sherry Pie."

-Nobody ever knew. -[SCOFFS]

One thing's for sure, if Janie had this info,

she would've rubbed it in our faces by now.

We worked so hard to finally go legit.

Now we're back where everyone expects us to be.

Hey, listen, it's gonna be fine.

Okay, by the time we're done, every milfy housewife

and cougar's gonna be lining up around the block

to take lessons from you again, okay?

Single for a smile?

-Hey. -What?

-A five. Huh? Huh? -PETER: Mm.

[♪♪♪]

I've read your motion to have the ring deemed inadmissible.

I've decided to deny it.

Approach, Your Honor?

Your Honor, this is a textbook Fourth Amendment violation.

DOUGLAS: As you two should know,

the defendants cohabited at the time of arrest,

implying a commonality of privileges. So denied.

Can you nod like we're saying something smart?

Go away.

Your Honor, some new evidence came to our office this morning.

Fingerprints on an upstairs door matching Simone Winters'.

The same door containing the stolen necklace.

You bitch. That's what you were doing upstairs?

-I went to look for the bathroom. -Okay. Whoa, whoa. Defrost.

Like when I caught you in my Louboutins?

This is not the place. Deep breaths. Happy thoughts.

-I borrowed those. -Quiet contest, starting now.

I am not going to prison for her.

[♪♪♪]

You are making this way too easy.

STANTON: Squabbling clients.

You know, you try to rescue two drowning swimmers at once,

you go down with them.

You have to let one go.

What if they're both innocent?

See, there is another way. We could put up a Chinese wall.

Ah. Yes, the Great Wall of China itself.

Choose a side, stick to it.

-We split up the women between us. -The firm keeps the case.

Don't be fooled, boys.

I've seen many partnerships destroyed

by the divisive nature of the wall.

Our friendship has survived a lot worse. Now, we're working together.

Yeah. We didn't talk the entire summer Peter was at jazz camp.

-Rock camp. -With clarinets.

Your responsibility will be to your clients, not each other.

-Yeah. -Trying the same case alone.

You betray a confidence, you could be disbarred.

Our lips are sealed.

All right. You have my blessing.

Franklin versus Bash it is.

[STANTON SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

JARED: The jury would look unfavorably on new counsel.

So to keep everyone happy,

Jared and I have decided to represent each of you individually.

Separate lawyers, same courtroom.

Everything's like it was, except you can't discuss

the details of the case with each other.

By the way, you're doing a terrific job so far.

How are we supposed to pick between you?

Well, to avoid the awkwardness of upsetting Jared,

we've chosen for you. Amber, you're with me. Simone, Jared.

So not cool if Amber gets the better lawyer.

Which one of you is smarter?

-We're both equally-- -I am.

Ask Peter who got 179 on his LSAT.

Same guy who cried when he lost his last trial.

Ask Jared who won the appeal?

-Pindar agrees with me. Pindar? -No, Pindar's with me.

Karaoke brothers for life.

[♪♪♪]

I'm sorry. I'm working on Karp's Amazon River case.

Did you know the candiru fish can swim up your urethra

and live in your penis for weeks.

Oh, Infeld's got me trailing a Jamaican guy

who stole his identity, so you guys are on your own.

[♪♪♪]

Our goal is to show the judge that despite your age,

you're competent enough to paddle down the Amazon.

Which means we may have to put you on the stand.

To warn you, opposing counsel's questions won't be friendly.

Mr. Karp, I'll be paddling down 2000 miles of rapids in a kayak.

Swimming in the water, flying in the air and crawling on the shore

can kill me in a matter of seconds.

I'll be fine.

All right, then. Good to hear.

Can I ask you two a question?

Sure.

-Do either of you have kids? -No.

Do you want them?

-Maybe. -Sure.

[ALEX CHUCKLES]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Alex, I'll be in the car.

Okay, Dad. I'll be a minute. Don't forget to validate.

Right.

You and your father seem to be on good terms

despite him trying to stop you.

He's a good guy. He just worries.

[♪♪♪]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Ladies, thanks for coming to Infeld Daniels.

No problem.

They shot a deodorant commercial at my house last week.

It's being repainted.

This is almost preferable to the paint fumes.

Well, I'm flattered.

So just to clarify, Ms. McDowell,

uh, your house is where the robbery took place?

-Is that accurate? -That's right.

Simone and Amber performed there for the pole-dancing class

and we each took turns trying out the moves they taught us.

Really? What kind of moves, for the...?

The Anaconda. The Jackhammer.

They had us spread our legs, grind against the pole,

spinning, thrusting.

The Jackhammer. I see.

You stated to the police that my client, Amber North,

-never left the pole. -Well, I don't remember.

-I was drugged. -Mm.

-They had to have been upstairs. -But a lot went on that night, Ms. Elliot.

I mean, your first girl-on-girl kiss can be confusing.

-Lots of fuzzy feelings-- -Nothing's fuzzy.

Amber and Simone seduced us, then stole our stuff.

So...

nothing is fuzzy.

How was it any different than any other book-club meeting?

We don't usually get naked and do tequila shots off each other's breasts.

Oh, okay. So your bra fell off, your panties fell off.

Not impossible your engagement ring--

Slipped off with everything else and ended up in the girls' bag?

They were casing the place from the moment they got there.

Amber's fingerprints weren't anywhere upstairs near the purses and jewelry.

Isn't it possible my client never made it up?

Are you hitting on me?

I don't know. Am I?

Mr. Bash, your client took an excellent

business opportunity and threw it away.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

We should throw our own pole-dancing party

-for Brentwood housewives. -Can't talk about it.

-I'm not discussing the case. -Can't talk about it.

Come on. Look at you, all by-the-book. Has that ever worked for you?

You mean, worked for us?

Yeah. You, me, family. What you got?

BOTH: Dude, come on. Dude.

BOTH: Come on.

No phantom smells. You're both wearing shirts.

We also have a strict pop-by policy. What's the password?

-Chinese wall. -That's two words.

As much as I'd love to see you go at it like gladiators, I brought a gift.

-I get one? -Whoever comes to me first gets to walk.

Second place gets 10 years.

[♪♪♪]

She's just trying to divide and conquer.

-Yeah, get inside our heads. -Yeah.

-It's not gonna work. -No.

Seriously?

It's for you. It's your mother.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Come to order.

Defense calls Mike Bennett.

Mr. Bennett, can you tell us your role

-at Scott Avenue Productions? -I'm a painter.

When we go on location, I paint the rental homes to accommodate our sets.

After the robbery, you did work at Miss McDowell's house

for a deodorant commercial?

Yeah. I painted everything sierra tan. Cabinets, doors, molding.

Then what? Repaint everything back to its original color?

Spanish sand.

And during deposition,

you stated that painting those doors was a pain in the ass

because you had to take the doors off their hinges.

We had to line them up and hit them with a spray gun.

Right.

Have you seen the movie The Fugitive?

MIKE: Yeah, like a hundred times.

-Harrison Ford in his prime. -JARED: Absolutely.

Lost my Sexiest Man Alive crown to him more than once.

Objection.

I'm sorry. Is Mr. Bash implying that he's the only one allowed to be cute?

[SIGHS]

Withdrawn.

The most frustrating part of that movie

is the jury convicts Dr. Kimble

only because they couldn't find that freaky

one-armed killer's fingerprints.

-Objection. -On what grounds?

The movie reference.

The self-deprecating joke. Buttoning the jacket.

Those are my moves. He's stealing them.

Overruled.

Now, Mr. Bennett, is it possible that the reason my client's fingerprints

were on the bedroom doorknob

was because that door was actually the bathroom door?

Yeah, it's possible, I guess.

They're supposed to be identical, but I rearranged them a few times, yeah.

So my client's fingerprints might have actually been on the bathroom door,

as she claimed.

[♪♪♪]

Thank you, Mr. Bennett.

It's all yours, pal.

[♪♪♪]

Hi, sir. Hello.

How are you? Hi.

Hey.

Hi.

Oh, come on. Objection.

He's hitting on the entire jury box, Your Honor.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[HANNA CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

My uniform is totally lame. I look like a tool in front of Hanna.

Oh, your accomplishments will impress the judge.

-Do I have to wear the nut-hugger shorts? -I didn't design the uniform.

[INDISTICT CHATTERING]

You're not making 13 any easier on him.

Tell us how you earned your Plant Science badge.

I can identify over 5000 edible, medicinal and poisonous plants.

Relevance, Your Honor. A practical understanding of survival

doesn't guarantee that Alex can adapt his knowledge

-under duress. -Sustained. Miss Linden.

I have an affidavit from Dr. Harold Cohen,

an entomologist on staff at UCLA.

He certified that the contents of this box

include four harmless insects and one poisonous one.

All of which Alex could encounter on his trip down the Amazon.

[♪♪♪]

Camel cricket.

Madagascar hissing cockroach.

Ah. Bamboo worm.

Oh.

-You missed one. -Wouldn't do that, Your Honor.

Lonomia caterpillars cause foaming

-of the mouth and kidney failure. -Oh.

-[SQUEAKS] -[ALEX SIGHS]

Your witness.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Hey. Can I talk to you for a minute, off the record?

Uh-oh. I know that face.

Guy troubles. What'd he do?

Took a case he'll lose because his best friend's kicking his ass.

Here we go.

I'm just calling it like I see it.

Either you've never carried your own weight,

or I've underestimated Jared's ability.

See, I know what you're doing, and you're not gonna get in my head.

Do what's best for your client.

Reconsider the deal.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

Oh, look at that. Jared just texted.

Wonder what he wants.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Being a Falcon Scout should set you apart from other boys in the woods.

It's the highest rank attainable in the Trail Scouts of America.

But the only time you spent in the wild was with Outward Bound,

where they called you "wuss."

-Objection. Argumentative. -Mr. Lavetta.

-Isn't that what they called you, Alex? -[SIGHS]

-Yes. -And didn't they call you "wuss"

because you left three days into your two-week hike?

Look, they were immature.

LAVETTA: Why did you leave early?

Please answer the question, Alex.

[♪♪♪]

I was worried about my father.

LAVETTA: Enlighten us.

How were you able to interpret his feelings

alone in the middle of the Rocky Mountains?

Smoke signals? Sky writing?

-I just knew, okay? -Sounds like an excuse.

-Leave me alone. -Objection.

Please instruct counsel to stop badgering the witness.

You were homesick, weren't you?

-Weren't you? -[SOBBING]

Ease up, Don.

[SIGHS] Your Honor,

we request a recess.

Give me a break, Mr. Lavetta.

Look, I'll be wrestling crocodiles.

Takes a little more than that to make me cry.

KARP: Request for recess withdrawn, Your Honor.

Awesome.

Oh, you're so sweet. Thank you. But honestly, it's genetics.

I haven't touched a weight in 30 years.

-You never lift weights? -Never.

And I can eat anything I want.

Carmen, would you remind Mr. Bash

that I reserved the hot tub from to 10 to 10:30?

Jared, he can hear you.

Pindar, tell Mr. Franklin that I'm using this time

as restitution for using my moves.

-Mr. Franklin, Mr. Bash would-- -Used your moves?

I loaned you my persona.

We made you the charming one for marketing purposes.

You know what? Keep my moves as a gift.

But you're not stealing anything else.

-Really? -Yeah.

Universal remote. Mine. Nana gave it to me for my birthday.

Universal remote is mine. Super Bowl winnings, my friends.

Somebody please make this stop.

Good luck doing Franklin and Bash without the Bash.

I'm sorry, you're billing yourself as "the Bash" now?

Aren't you guys both supposed to be on our side?

You know what? Keep it.

-I don't want it. -I don't want it.

If it wasn't for the Bash, you'd still be waxing your daddy's Jag for allowance.

If the moves I stole were so fantastic,

how come Janie dumped the Bash?

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Mine's much bigger.

I've never been concerned about size, Peter.

We went over that when we dated.

Look, I'm not here to flirt.

You need shelter from a tumbling wall that's about to crush you.

All right. Not saying that I want your deal, but my client is curious.

Would she have to give factual basis acknowledging her guilt?

You help me take down Simone.

And Amber can plead petty theft as a misdemeanor.

That's three years' probation.

We could back the truck up with incriminating testimony.

What was that about incriminating testimony... partner?

You gave him the deal? His client's the guilty one.

You wouldn't be here if my client was guilty.

PETER: Simone targeted Amber.

Bad influence corrupts Catholic schoolgirl.

-Classic porno story line. -Exactly why Amber put it on Simone.

Catholic schoolgirls are the wildest.

-Janie, where do I sign? -No. Deal's off.

Watching you sell each other out,

seems I can definitely get convictions on both defendants.

-Oh, it's on. -Like "Donkey Kong."

[♪♪♪]

Simone, as an entrepreneur, it is in your best interest

-to keep a clean record, correct? -I could lose my business license.

Because Rock & Pole's categorized as sexually oriented,

I have to pass routine background checks.

Your Honor, I'm submitting a copy of Miss Winters' business license

to show it's currently up-to-date.

[♪♪♪]

One moment, Your Honor. Uh...

[GRUNTS]

The business license is under your name. Why not Amber's?

Amber failed the background check.

She never paid her credit cards

and some company reported her for fraud.

Objection, Your Honor. Prejudicial impact outweighs probative value.

-Overruled. -JARED: Fraud.

Financial problems.

No more questions.

Ms. Winters, could you tell us

all the aliases you've danced under?

I've used a lot of names: Serenity, Jade, Diamond.

Have you ever been Sherry Pie?

[♪♪♪]

I, uh-- Ahem.

I used that name at a topless bar in Arizona.

The same bar whose safe you were convicted

-of robbing three years ago. -Objection.

Betrayal?

Withdrawn.

Think the jury knows exactly what's going on here.

This is supposed to be a business meeting.

I'm tired of talking about me. Let's talk about you.

Uh, Alex, you're 13.

Age is arbitrary.

When you're ready for an adventure, you're ready.

[SIGHS]

Sorry I'm late. Stanton had to dry-run

-his Bohemian Grove speech. -I wasn't expecting company.

-Everything okay? -Perfect timing.

I was just about to ask Alex why he left Outward Bound.

My Dad's divorce hit him hard.

And his anniversary happened during my trip.

Once I made it to the mountains,

I felt bad, so I came home.

That's a beautiful story.

But how do we persuade the judge

that you won't feel the same way in South America?

Mr. Karp, could you excuse us?

I made go-karting reservations for Hanna and myself.

Uh, Alex, I'm gonna be in court all afternoon.

[♪♪♪]

Oh. Um...

That's okay. Um...

I'm free all week.

[DRIPPING]

Very smooth.

I've always found that the quickest way

to a woman's heart is through go-karting.

I'm about to break a world record.

What have you ever done that a girl would care about?

[♪♪♪]

The Clippers dropped me from my contract

after I tore my ACL.

Terminated contract. Surgery on the knee.

Credit cards piled up.

I have a supportive family.

My father helped me pay them off, but the damage was done.

Your Honor, Miss North's credit-card and bank statements

are marked and entered. This will show she had no outstanding debts

and maintained positive cash flow prior to the robbery.

[BOTH MOUTHS]

Your witness.

[CROWD GASPS]

DOUGLAS: Bailiff, can we get a chair for Mr. Bash?

[♪♪♪]

[JARED CLEARS THROAT]

JARED: Miss North, have you had any recent medical procedures,

other than your ACL surgery?

Uh, yes, but I, um...

[WHISPERS] That information is extremely personal.

JARED: Well, Miss North, I'm sure your secret is safe here.

Please.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] I had my deviated septum repaired to stop snoring.

And what pain medication were you prescribed during recovery?

-I don't recall the name of it. -Hm.

Page six, would you read aloud the prescription

you had refilled two months ago?

-Hycobine. -Hycobine.

The same French drug used to knock out the housewives.

-Didn't have it on me that night. -Huh.

Well, then this must be the most convenient excuse

in the history of convenient excuses.

No further questions.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

♪ For as long as I can be... ♪

One Degree of Bowie mix

I promised to make you for your birthday...

two years ago.

"Dolls, Iggy, P. Diddy."

We broke our pact to never let a case come between us.

Actually, our pact was to never work Mondays or Fridays.

[♪♪♪]

Seems like last week we were sitting here

waiting for rollerbladers to crash

into unlicensed street vendors.

-Where'd it all go? -That was last week.

Remember? Simmons v. Hot Diggity Dosa?

Remember the first guy we represented for indecent exposure?

-Bongo Tom. -Mm-hm.

We argued it wasn't public

because he got naked in his alley where he lived.

♪ Now let me tell you Darling, darling, baby... ♪

What are we gonna do?

We already won this case for Janie.

Not if we get the band back together.

♪ Leave it to me ♪

PETER: Forget everything we said.

Our defense is strongest when we're a team.

We need to destroy our wall and become the new New Berlin.

I'd rather keep the wall. I don't wanna help Simone.

Okay, if you keep the wall, you both go away for five years.

Jared and I have learned a valuable lesson through this.

The greatest success stories come from duos.

Simon and Garfunkel. Richards and Jagger.

R2 and 3PO. Tom and Jerry.

Ice-dancing sensations Torvill & Dean.

No.

-I can't go back to jail. -I don't ever wanna go.

There we go. See? This feels right. Yeah.

I hiked Runyon this morning. The hard trail.

Might tackle the Super Sprint Triathlon in San Diego.

He's gotten to you, hasn't he?

Who? No. Come on. I'm not threatened by a 13-year-old.

See, that's the problem with our case.

When a kid succeeds at something adults fear,

grown-ups lose their power.

You don't think we should've put him on the stand?

I don't know. I just--

Dad, don't get hysterical. It's just a flat tire.

No, I already called the road club.

Dad, just stay on the phone with me until they get there, okay? Just...

All right, half an hour. I'll take the Wilshire bus...

I think we put the wrong kid on the stand.

[♪♪♪]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING AND PEOPLE CHEERING ON COMPUTER]

Okay, Pindar, you're starting to scare me. Will you stop watching that?

Can't look away. It's just so beautiful.

PETER: How did McDowell find you?

We're friends with Kesha's choreographers.

They referred us.

McDowell bailed on them at the last minute. Too expensive.

Too expensive for Brentwood? How much do poles cost?

Those girls are the best. They charge 5 G's.

Wait. That's what the housewives said they paid you.

I wish. We only got 2 grand.

Who got the rest?

KELLY [ON VIDEO]: Dr. Etienne gave me my high beams.

Pindar, you're killing me, okay?

I can't access both parts of my brain at once.

AMBER: Dr. Etienne?

He's the plastic surgeon who did my nose job.

[♪♪♪]

French doctor.

Same French doctor could mean same French drug.

Why would Miss McDowell rob herself and her friends?

-It's pretty thin. -We've had thinner.

This one's gonna need a feeding tube.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, so she wasn't home.

But I did find something you'll recognize from the old days.

-Ah. Foreclosure notices. -Hey.

PINDAR: I looked into Scott Avenue Productions.

They started working with McDowell six months ago.

She calls and begs them to book her home.

So she's house rich and cash poor.

What about the jewelry?

My pawnshop boys haven't heard anything that matches.

Try to sell a $300,000 necklace, she'd trigger Homeland Security.

She went to the bank the day after the robbery.

Didn't make deposits or withdraw money.

If she didn't make deposits, what was McDowell doing there?

Maybe she wasn't depositing money.

What about a safe-deposit box?

[♪♪♪]

Dr. Carlisle, could you describe the circumstances

under which your marriage ended?

Alex's mother left us six years ago

to paint watercolor landscapes

in Albuquerque with her instructor, Alphonso.

KARP: Transition must've been difficult,

being a single parent.

Alex and I do just fine.

How often do you do the laundry?

Uh, couple of times a week, I assume.

Alex does the laundry.

-KARP: Who manages your bills? -HENRY: Alex.

So on top of training for kayaking competitions,

earning badges and being a genius, he does your bookkeeping?

It's not unusual for a boy to have after-school chores.

Grocery shopping, who does that?

My son also goes to the supermarket.

I'm sorry, but, Dr. Carlisle, what exactly are your chores?

Seems like Alex supervises every aspect of your life.

We take care of each other, Mr. Karp.

That's what families do.

And who's gonna take care of you when Alex is on that river?

No one.

I mean, me. I'll take care of myself.

[♪♪♪]

You're not worried about Alex being alone in the jungle.

Are you? You're worried about him leaving you.

Don't listen to him, Dad.

Alex.

It's okay, Alex.

I'm fine.

[SIGHS]

And I'll be fine

while you're on your trip.

[♪♪♪]

What is it that couldn't wait?

We have evidentiary support that implicates Miss McDowell in the robbery.

JARED: She had access to the same drugs as our clients.

I don't wanna know how you obtained this.

Ninety-five percent of what I did is 100 percent legal.

-You'll see in our motion. -You want me to accept this?

We'd like to subpoena her safe-deposit box.

We believe she's concealing the stolen jewelry.

Your Honor, we're in the middle of trial.

We can't accept new evidence this late.

We're asking a bit of leeway, not that we deserve it.

It is not my problem that opposing counsel

wasted their resources trying to decapitate each other.

I've watched you boys tear each other apart

at the expense of your clients all week.

Turned my courtroom into a dinner theatre.

And now you expect me to introduce your encore?

Miss McDowell framed our clients.

Miss McDowell is not on trial.

-Your Honor-- -Denied.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Miss McDowell, can you explain why you had your necklace appraised six months ago?

Insurance won't issue a policy without a certified appraisal.

Three hundred thousand dollar necklace, and you never had it insured?

My timing was fortunate.

Miraculous.

Considering you needed $300,000 to save your home from foreclosure.

-Objection. -Mr. Franklin, you've been warned.

If Miss McDowell does not have the diamond necklace,

then she'll be okay with me opening her safe-deposit box.

With your permission, Miss McDowell.

Hold it. I've seen this bluff before.

That box doesn't belong to her, does it?

It's mine, Your Honor.

DOUGLAS: I should hold you in contempt.

Instead, I'll admit your box.

Go on. Amuse us with your precious valuables.

I'll take-- I'll take contempt, Your Honor. That's fair.

You need a dose of your own medicine, Mr. Franklin. Open the box.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh... Okay. Uh...

It's a VHS of WrestleMania VIII,

Ric Flair vs. Macho Man.

Reba sang the national anthem. It was...

angelic. Um...

Lady Gaga's chewing gum.

She gave it to me, more or less.

Uhm...

program for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

My wife and I caught that twice on Broadway.

This is my high-school production.

I was the butler.

And, uh, I think that is about it, Your Honor.

-There's nothing else-- -Uh-uh.

Everything in that box is evidence in this court.

Your Honor, um...

This is just a prescription for Hycobine

that Miss McDowell refilled two days prior to the robbery.

That-- That's not mine.

Mr. Franklin, I ruled that evidence inadmissible.

But, Your Honor, you ordered me to admit it, against my wishes.

Objection, Your Honor.

-[INDISTINCT CHATTERING] -[SIGHS]

Overruled.

Bring it home, pal.

Miss McDowell, let's talk about

one of my favorite topics: breasts.

-Excuse me? -Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot.

You like to call them your high beams.

JANIE: Objection. Relevance.

Your Honor, those breasts were her partner in crime.

Why not? I've already given you enough rope to hang yourself.

You had Hycobine in your system because Dr. Etienne

prescribed it to you after your breast-enlargement surgery.

And pinning the crime on Amber and Simone would distract the insurance company

from investigating the loss of your necklace,

wouldn't it?

You laced those drinks and stole your own jewelry, didn't you?

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

Thanks for playing, Red. Good game.

-[SCOFFS] -Good. No hard feelings.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

-Ah. Oh. -Mm.

Regrettably, I'm unable to attend your engagement

soiree next weekend.

I have my annual check-up with my Matsés shaman.

Engagement party. Didn't invite me.

Thank you, Stanton. I have one just like it. Please.

-STANTON: Ha-ha-ha. -JANIE: Oh!

STANTON: The phoenix and the dragon.

Two mythological beasts entwined,

both ferocious yet beautiful.

Ready to devour each other

or copulate in magnificent harmony.

-Nathan will love it. Thank you. -Ah. Mm.

Uh, who's Nathan?

Well, chalk up another victory for team Franklin and Bash.

You knew exactly what you were doing

when you allowed the Chinese wall.

I know this much, Mr. Bash:

You never value what you have until it's gone.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

Thanks for dropping the case.

I trusted you to make decisions for me all these years.

Maybe it's time you do that for yourself.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Come here.

KARP: You were good with Alex.

I'm good with anyone who flatters me.

Oh. I think it's a little more than that.

You know having a kid could never make you ordinary.

Congratulations, team.

I commend your instinct about putting my dad on the stand.

Oh, that's very high praise.

The Amazon does not stand a chance against you.

[CHUCKLES]

-I'm going. -[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

Look, Hanna, we both know the stress long distance can put on a relationship.

I can't ask you to put your life on hold.

-Alex-- -Just kidding.

Look, you're supersonic hot.

Can I call you in 15 years?

Ten.

[MOUTHS] Thank you.

[GRUNTS]

♪ I like them girls With them curves ♪

♪ And them 300-dollar jeans ♪

♪ They look so good in my 'hood I just wanna get between ♪

♪ She's got a body Like somebody ♪

♪ That be in them magazines ♪

[JARED LAUGHING]

Oh, look at this. Oh, you see? Yes. Yes.

-PETER: Yeah. -JARED: Just feels like yes.

You know they're not clients, so it's fair game.

JARED: Nearly broke us up. They could be cursed.

But it's your call.

What are my odds at getting another shot at a former Clippers cheerleader?

-Why do you get Amber? -You wanted to send her to jail.

-That was business. -I'm fine with either.

Yeah, they will be too. We're win-win.

You know it.

Hm. Oh.

♪ Remove your thong Blast your song ♪

You get one shot with the hottest twins on the planet.

Can they be conjoined?

No, that's one person. "Twin" twins.

-Mm. -[LAUGHING]

♪ Twenty-one years old Got me on hold, I'm stuck ♪

♪ Girl, let's get it on Mama be grown ♪

♪ Let's go home and cut ♪

♪ I like them girls With them curves ♪

And them 300-dollar jeans ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

♪ Oh, my, what a day Comin' at me anyway ♪

♪ Everything I try to say Just comes out backwards ♪

♪ Overthinkin', underreachin' ♪

♪ Someone tells a joke I'm blinkin' ♪

♪ Nothing's all That's sinkin' in ♪