Original subtitles

[WENDY DARLING'S "SICK ENDGAME" PLAYING]

♪ You're an island But girl... ♪

Let me guess, Franklin and Bash?

Yes. But we don't have an appointment.

Oh, you're probably good. Roll this way.

♪ Me and John Donne Believe... ♪

-I do not. -Yes, you do.

You do not wash the sink after you shave.

You leave toenail clippings all over the place.

What? No, I don't. Prove it.

-How am I supposed to prove? -Offer tangible proof.

Tangible proof.

Gentlemen, clients here to see you.

We're on a conference call. Whoa! Oh.

-Margot! -Hey.

I told you that would work. Show him. Show him.

[WOMAN LAUGHS]

PETER: Oh, that is great. Look at that.

Oh, that is a thing of beauty.

-Did you find her on the Strand? -Uh, in the marina, actually.

-Margot and I had a lovely afternoon. -Yeah, and these floors are sick.

I'm gonna go do crossovers in the lobby.

-Actually, you're not. Come with me. -Oh.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Innovative thinking.

That's exactly what I'm looking for.

Well, it was sort of our marketing style at our old firm.

Franklin & Bash, LLC.

Although you weren't

actually a limited liability corporation, were you?

Seriously, we just like how "LLC" sounds.

Like anybody ever checks.

Gentlemen! I would like to put you on retainer.

Let me get you a chair.

Mister, uh...

Lang. Carter Lang.

[♪♪]

I would have thought you two would have a better poker face.

This is our poker face.

'Cause inside, we're thinking, "This is the CEO of Groton Financial

who gave himself $20 million--"

JARED: "Even as his company and its shareholders

went down the crapper."

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

But I'd like to try to change all that.

You know, I'd like to try and compensate all those who have suffered

due to my more, uh...

regrettable executive decisions.

What, did you find God?

We'll find out soon enough.

Last week, I went for my annual physical.

I have the prostate of a 19-year-old,

but the pancreas of a zombie.

I have two months to live.

-Dude, that sucks. -Sorry.

No, it's okay.

I've actually never felt more alive,

knowing I'm gonna die soon.

But I only have a little bit of time left.

I need to aggressively liquidate the assets to compensate

the shareholders, and that's why I need you two.

Estate planning, corporate law aren't our strengths.

No, no, no. I have a fleet of corporate lawyers

to handle all of that.

You two...

you bring other skills to the table.

[♪♪]

We'd like to help you out.

PETER: Yeah, if it's gonna help pay back

some of the people that you've screwed over.

Gentlemen, I assure you it will.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

-I'll be in touch. -PETER: Alright.

Oh, by the way,

do you happen to have Margot's number?

She promised me she'd teach me to longboard.

I'm sorry. I don't have--

No, what do you need? Home number, cell?

-What? -Nothing.

[PETE'S "MIXTURE" PLAYING]

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

You know, I've dealt with a few of these Carter Langs in my time,

and I must say, these death-bed conversions

make me very skeptical.

Guy seems to have had a change of heart.

We all make mistakes.

He was on skates. I mean, bad guys don't roller-skate.

There's science that backs that up.

[CHUCKLES]

JARED: We feel good about this.

Alright, good. Well, then congratulations.

I guess, you guys should be rewarded for landing such a big fish,

so here are my floor seats for Staples tonight.

-Hanging with Jack. -Yeah.

More like Penny Marshall. These are Clipper tickets.

It's Carter Lang, not Bill and Melinda Gates.

The blowback for representing this turd

could be quite significant

[♪♪]

Third nacho boat was a bad idea.

-You think? -Unless of course I die tomorrow,

and then I will regret having not had

that third round of deliciousness.

You are not gonna die tomorrow.

You know what, a fortnight ago,

Carter Lang thought the same thing.

"Fortnight ago" ? Are you Samuel Clemens?

I am Samuel Clemens

Hey. What are you doing here?

Lang sent over some files.

-Figured you might wanna get started. -Hmm.

[SIGHS]

So you meet this Allen yet?

No, but it's only been two weeks.

You know, it is weird you're still in the texting phase.

Well, I'm trying to figure out if he wants something more,

or to be just, you know, FWB.

-Ah! -Debbie...

you were talking to two of the masters

of text subtext.

-Alright, read one. Come on. -Come on.

Um, "I dreamt about you last night."

Okay. He definitely wants benefits.

-So keep it light and flirty. -Yeah, write back,

"Would you consider us closer friends now?"

-Uh... -Yeah, we're that good.

Okay, thanks.

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

-Okay, right. -Okay.

Wait. What, that's it? A half day?

[FOOTSTEPS]

-Oh. See? Kids. -Yep.

Kids and their rock 'n' roll and their loud music.

YouTube.

[♪♪]

-Hey. -Hello.

You delivered Carter Lang to Franklin and Bash?

He wasn't wearing a sign that said,

"Litigious scumbag millionaire."

Besides, I got my eye on some bigger game.

-Who? -Abha Jaya.

Founder of Mandolin Exports?

Everyone's been trying to land her since she fired her lawyers,

but no one has because she is bananas.

[LAUGHS] Which means she's fragile.

There's only one way to catch a butterfly:

Get close and let her land on you.

You want in?

We work good together.

Yeah, we made some rain.

But I think we need to add one more to our team.

-Abha is Indian. -Yeah?

Of the 116 lawyers we have here and in New York,

we only have one of Indian descent.

Okay, so we use Pindar to help sign her,

then we hip-check bubble boy into the boards.

Oh, that's totally heartless.

Let's do it.

[♪♪]

Gentlemen.

Ah! I may have a problem.

-Chafing? -Wrong door.

This is solutions.

Like you might be able to liquidate

half of Groton Financial's foreign assets

without going through receivership,

that may pay back some shareholders.

Excellent. Not exactly what I'm talking about.

Oh, if you're getting me the ironic male stripper again,

not the time.

JARED: Always time for strippers.

Are you Carter Lang?

Yes, that's Carter Lang. I work with him.

Jared, Peter, I'd like you to meet my protégé,

-Johnny Stills. -John Stills, thank you.

Mr. Lang, you're under arrest for grand larceny.

PETER: Whoa. Guys, hold up, hold up.

CEO Mr. Lang is within his rights

-to liquidate Groton's assets. -Well, that's super.

But I'm talking about my boat.

-He stole it. -What?

-No way. -John, please.

Where would I hide an 80 foot yacht?

Not to mention the considerable proceeds

from its rapid foreign sale?

I don't know, Carter, somewhere I couldn't find them?

-You have any proof? -Yeah.

Twenty knots in a no-wake zone.

Harbor master got him on video. We'll burn you a DVD.

Gentlemen, time to earn your money.

[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]

[♪♪]

Hey, what are you doing in first class?

I've been promoted to Major Crimes.

Really?

We wipe the floor with you every month and you fail upward?

I don't wanna work in a DA's office.

Not exactly. Our case load's been heavy

and with your ex-fiancée

leaving soon on a two-week Italian honeymoon and bangfest,

Harrison put me on this.

Ladies.

[LAUGHS]

"Bangfest."

Your Honor, the fact that Lang paid himself millions

while costing thousands of investors

their entire life savings shouldn't impact on your ability

to be impartial in setting his bail.

Thank you, Miss Swatello.

Bail is set at $1 million.

Your Honor, come on.

-They take cash, right? -Yes.

[♪♪]

I think we can post that right now.

Your Honor, we can post that right now.

[♪♪]

Oh, look. They washed off all the blood.

[♪♪]

PINDAR: I know who Abha Jaya is.

She's the founder of the Mandolin Exports empire

and is looking to expand into the US.

Correct.

And we thought with your extensive knowledge of local tax codes

that you could help us.

Oh, and the fact that Pindy is Indian and so is Abha?

Oh, my God. I had not even thought of that. Did you think of that?

-No. -But that's great. That's an added bonus.

Thank you so much for pointing that out--

-Carmen. -Carmen.

He is not interested in signing clients, okay?

If he wanted to work in sales,

he'd go back home, and work at a call center in Mumbai.

They called me, okay? Jeez.

Are you familiar with minders, finders and grinders, Pindar?

Yes, minders take care of clients,

finders sign new ones, and grinders do the grunt work.

And what are you?

Somebody has to descend into the coal mine,

hunt for precedents and obscure law.

I am proud to be a grinder.

DAMIEN: Fair enough!

But do you get the respect you deserve

from Franklin and Bash for being a grinder?

Pindar, tell the truth.

Yes, he does.

Alright, well, let us know if you change your mind

and you'd like to join our team.

-I will. -I will.

-Crap. -Wow! If you can't close Pindar,

-how are you-- -Sorry, was I alone on this call?

Oh!

[♪♪]

When you said "liquidating assets,"

we assumed you meant company assets.

Company assets, yes.

That's adorable.

You two have no idea how Wall Street works, do you?

Groton Financial is a carcass.

It's been picked clean by upper management.

-You mean by you. -And a lot of others.

If I want to reimburse people,

I have to go where the meat is now.

Posing as a vendor's a good way to break into a house.

-Sorry? -Nothing.

One pretzel, my good man, extra mustard. Thank you.

Carter, what are you planning?

I have kind of a bucket list.

I have a feeling it's not learning French

or playing Pebble Beach.

Carter, if any of those things are illegal,

as your lawyers, we have to inform you--

No, no, no. No, I'm not listening to you.

Hmm. Delicious.

Can you believe I used to spend $400 on lunch? [CHUCKLES]

Keep the change.

Put them in a good trade school. That's where the future is.

Thank you, sir. Keep the pretzel cart.

[CHUCKLES]

Yacht money.

Okay, that was pretty cool.

Well, the working stiffs deserve a break.

A lot of other guys out there,

sleazy guys, guys like John Stills.

They deserve something else.

-You know, Carter-- -Gentlemen,

I don't have a lot of time to do I know what is right.

You're not gonna change my mind.

My temple.

[♪♪]

Karp and Hanna asked for your help

to sign a client? Why?

Quit acting so surprised. I have things to offer.

Otherwise, why would you have hired me?

-You double as our IT guy. -You paid to be our intern.

The client and I have a lot in common.

-Like what? -Overlapping phobias.

We both collect Pez dispensers. We both kept all our baby teeth.

What kind of legal support will you provide

besides being her mirror image of crazy?

That has not yet been clearly defined,

and you offend me.

Just watch your back with Karp.

And who has my back here, huh?

I am going to lend my expertise to Karp and Hanna

because I am a grinder.

-What's with him? -Really? You ask that now?

You know, I hate to pop your bromance bubble,

but you two could learn to be more appreciative

of the things people do around here.

-Think she's right? -It's food for thought.

[PHONE RINGING]

BOTH: Pindar!

PINDAR: It's for you!

Man.

Hello?

Are you kidding me?

[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

So your own naked fun run is part of the bucket list?

[CHUCKLES] Yes, it is. You should try it sometime.

Had to give it up, bad knees.

And how does getting arrested on a nude jog

help the shareholders?

It's not all about money.

I want them to feel satisfied.

I have a feeling

a humiliating shot of me in the newspapers

ought to make them smile.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

[♪♪]

-You believe him? -I don't know,

but I'm betting they'd prefer the cash.

[♪♪]

Yes, in previous bail hearings

we promised Mr. Lang would stay out of trouble,

but, Your Honor, as we stated earlier,

-he's dying. -And trying to achieve closure.

He was naked in a neighborhood with families.

You wish it was your neighborhood?

-What? What? Your Honor? -What?

Your Honor, this is a misdemeanor.

Bail for indecent exposure is $10,000.

-Correct? -Yep.

This is his second offence in the last 24 hours.

The people request bail in the amount of two--

Five-- Ten...

Ten million dollars.

-Ten million dollars! -It's alright. It's okay.

I can have that for you by tomorrow.

Okay, bail is set at $10 million.

JARED: Whoa. What is he doing here?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Your Honor, in light of recent revelations,

we ask this man be held in custody without bail.

-What revelations? -He broke into my house.

I forgot to hydrate, Johnny. I had to have a drink.

Yeah? Out of a $8,000 bottle of Pinot Seurat?

-That's high, John. -That's not the point.

The point is you stole from me, Carter...

[GAVEL BANGING]

Are you accusing Lang of breaking and entering?

Yes, Your Honor.

He also stole approximately $5 million in bearer bonds.

Miss Swatello, do you have any evidence against Mr. Lang?

He was apprehended a block from Stills' home.

Circumstantial, Your Honor.

His clothing was found in Stills' wine cellar.

Dude, you are so much better as a white-collar criminal.

I had to nude up to get out the window.

-It was a very tight space. -I know what you're doing.

More than I can say for your barber, Johnny.

Interesting, coming from you.

-Know a lot about haircuts? -Mine is a genetic problem.

-Genetic? Really? -It's about testosterone--

HONG: Enough!

That's two felonies,

and one misdemeanor within 24 hours.

Not quite three strikes, but close enough

for me to remand you without bail.

This time, you're staying in jail.

Bailiff, get him out of here.

-That went well. -[SIGHS]

How are you? Good to see you.

Ah.

[♪♪]

Jared's checking in with Lang's doctor.

We get him to testify, we might get some leniency.

-Well, that's smart. -Yeah.

Seems like Lang's trying to fix things, you know.

Better to give with a warm hand than a cold one,

which is why I give 10 percent of my income

to 73 different charities worldwide.

I'll remember that.

You don't have to. I can take care of it.

How about half your bonus to Save the Children?

-I'll put it in a side letter. -Thank you.

-Hm-- No. Thank you. -What?

Hey, I talked to Lang's doctor.

-Oh, not good? -No.

He's got less than two months to live?

Worse.

[CELL DOOR BUZZING]

-Hey, Carter. -Carter.

One of the advantages of being a pariah:

I get a single. And I get to read again.

I just hope I have time

to finish The Brothers Karamazov.

-Oh... -I think you're gonna get there.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

PETER: We have some news.

Yeah. We went and saw your doctor today.

Sometimes it helps to get a doctor's note

when getting leniency.

It's like high school, really.

Is there a problem?

No, more of a development.

You were misdiagnosed.

[♪♪]

What?

What have I got?

Uh...

Nothing.

There was a mix-up in the lab.

You're a healthy 48-year-old man.

Boy! Wait, wait, wait.

I'm healthy?

Yeah. Except, you know, you're in jail for, what?

-Many, many years. -Like, a lot.

♪ My time will come ♪

[SIGHS]

♪ I believe it ♪

♪ My time will come ♪

JARED: Well, you did break the law.

I was told I was dying.

You told me that would be mitigating.

Well, it's not foolproof.

I mean, theoretically, everybody is dying.

Alright, let's try and find

some way to mitigate this, shall we, boys?

Hey, we're on the same team.

No, no, no, that would imply we're teammates, equals.

You work for me.

[♪♪]

I have another meeting. Let's start without him.

Yes, okay, well,

we have over 100 lawyers here and in New York--

I don't fly. I'm aviophobic.

You don't have to fly.

We have infrastructure in place on both coasts.

I like intimacy.

Don't think because you have a lot of lawyers,

it's going to impress me.

Look, a lawyer on your team who looks like me.

Where do I sign?

Sorry I'm late. I ate a cookie that might have been made

where peanuts, soy and milk are packed.

In case I'm allergic, I had to double-check

the expiration on my EpiPen.

-Crisis averted. Let's-- -Yes, let's get started, so...

I never leave home without my EpiPen or latex gloves.

And surgical masks aren't just for SARS.

SARS. Another reason all birds should be destroyed.

Of course, you can't go anywhere

without your wipes and hand sanitizer.

Tell me about it. I developed an immunity

to over-the-counter sanitizers.

So I make my own out of kerosene, aloe vera

and my own patented bleaching ingredient.

I am intrigued.

I look forward to meeting you, Pindar, in person.

-Let's schedule a meeting. -That would be fine.

Pindar's not gonna be part of the travelling team.

He's agoraphobic.

As someone who has her own psychological issues,

I understand.

In fact, I was diagnosed with a new one today:

stimulatic acute reflux.

-That's quite impressive. -I'll come to you, Pindar.

I don't know if that's the best--

My office will send my allergy list to you. Bye, now.

Guys, that went fantastic. Great job, team.

Okay, on the count of three, let's break. One--

[♪♪]

KARP: Man cave. Awesome.

Maybe we caught him on a bad day.

Let's cut him some slack.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

-I'm guessing no face time yet? -We're both busy.

Debbie, men who text only want sex.

Why? Because it rhymes?

We know how men manipulate women,

the "Oh, shucks, I'm just shy and quirky.

Let's take it slow."

Next, you're naked in a bouncy house.

It's been known to happen.

Maybe I like the bouncy house.

-You try to help some people. -Yeah.

-We try. -We try.

[♪♪]

Mr. Stills, is it true that you purchased the items

-that were liberated from your home-- -You mean stolen.

The yacht, the Pinot Seurat, even the bearer bonds,

those were all bought by bonus money you received

from 2006 to 2010?

-Yes, I believe so. -That's a hell of a bonus.

Would you tell the jury the accounting practices

that allowed you that bonus?

Objection. Relevance. Mr. Stills is not on trial.

HONG: Sustained.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Mr. Stills, you mind if I tell you a story?

-Do I have a choice? -[MUMBLES]

Peter and I were a couple months behind on rent once.

I think it was like seven?

-What? -Seven.

One night we came home to find our $1,800 TV missing.

Our landlady took it to make up for the rent she was owed.

Now, Mr. Stills, did Mrs. Harrelson steal our TV?

Yes, I would say she did.

That's what we said. But she didn't.

The doctrine of right to self-help

allows corrective measures to be taken by private citizens

in order to redress gross injustices.

That's what Carter Lang was doing

by returning the shareholders' money.

NELSON: Carter Lang is not a landlord.

Do we really need to hear this, Your Honor?

Listen to it if you want, Mr. Nelson.

I respect your creativity, Mr. Franklin,

so I'll give you a little leeway.

Do you have any substantive evidence?

What we're doing here is kind of arguing by analogy.

Well, then, here's an analogy for you.

If this court were a creek,

you, counselor, don't have a paddle.

[♪♪]

That's a lame analogy. Ours were way better.

Excuse me?

We agree, Your Honor.

[♪♪]

That's it, the self-help thing? What, is this lawyer camp?

We've had success with analogies.

PETER: You did steal a lot of stuff.

Some of it while naked.

You know what Wall Street got right?

-Skyboxes? -Ukrainian hookers?

Motivation...

bonuses,

employees that eat what they kill.

I'd like to see if I can motivate you boys.

Oh, Carter, we can't take bonuses

on the outcome of your case.

We can't?

No, you misunderstand.

You reviewed the penal-code sections

for burglary prior to my breaking into that house.

I mean, my office sent you files

and blueprints of Johnny Stills' house.

So, well, it's just with those records,

It wouldn't be hard to make a case

that you two had prior knowledge of my future crimes.

I think that makes you accessories

and given your reputation,

and the way that prosecutor looked at you.

Carter, threatening us isn't gonna do any good.

Really? Because I find that fear

is a much better motivator than money.

I liked you a lot better when you were dying.

Go to Stills.

Tell him to get the DA to drop the charges

and I will give him back some of his toys.

And try not to be total pussies and give away the whole farm.

[♪♪]

Hello. You must be Miss Jaya.

Please come in. Mr. Singh is expecting you.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Just so you know, we're not sure

what you're gonna see in here.

Pindar has roommates, so he's not responsible

for the condition of his home.

Wow.

Miss Jaya, thank you so much for coming today.

A gift...

from my personal Pez collection.

First edition?

These are priceless.

Thank you.

Tea?

Thank you. That would be lovely.

And so is your home.

Thank you.

[♪♪]

No way he has a case, right?

It's just a desperate threat by a desperate guy.

There's no way we'd do hard time.

The Buddha says that physical deprivation

can lead to spiritual enlightenment.

-We're gonna bite the pillow. -Boys, nothing's changed.

Carter Lang is still your client, period.

So just win his freedom.

Well, okay, here's the thing. He's really, really guilty.

Oh, and one more thing, he's a total dick.

Hmm? Nevertheless.

Yeah, well, alright. We could go to Stills

and talk to him about dropping the charges

if Lang returns the stolen property.

What about the other Groton Financial execs

who made a bundle?

No, Lang only went after Stills.

Which is odd, because there was a cabal

who got rich at Groton.

Yeah, why did Lang only go after Stills?

I suggest you find out.

[♪♪]

Oh. Here we go.

-Mr. Stills, can we talk to you? -No.

We noticed that Lang focused his efforts on you.

Why are you the only employee he stole from?

We'll call every employee to the stand and suss it out.

Who knows what might turn up?

Can't imagine what it'll do to the stock.

-Ah, not good. -Probably gonna plummet. Plummet.

Hope so.

A year ago, the board decided

that I was gonna become the new CEO of Groton, replacing Carter.

He isn't happy. He thinks that I took his job.

That's why he was ripping you off?

When first diagnosed, he looked the rest of his time

as a "What the hell?" So he went after me.

Why didn't you say anything? That would establish motive.

Because the board wants to keep

the transfer of power drama-free, right?

So Carter Lang wasn't just stealing from you

-to reimburse the shareholders? -Carter?

[CHUCKLES]

That's rich.

You want to know what he calls shareholders?

The dumb money.

He was compensating them

because it would look good in his New York Times obit.

And let me tell you something.

If he walks out a free man,

don't think that another Fortune 500 company

won't hire him as their CEO.

[♪♪]

An ordinance is prohibiting me

from building a clearance center in Turlock

that exceeds 100,000 square feet.

-I need to get around it. -Yes, our best course of--

That's discrimination. We'll challenge the legislation.

-Yes, but a judge in-- -Go to the court of appeals.

Local governments can't set these restrictions.

-But it might be better-- -Do you have kids?

-Excuse me? -Who made that?

-That would be... -Artwork

-from your niece. -Artwork...

From my niece. She's in kindergarten.

She used rice.

That's not rice.

What is that? It looks like...

Oh, those are-- Oh. Ugh.

Oh, that's toenail clippings.

-Oh! -No, I'm sure they're not.

-Really? -I'm sure it's--

Oh, God. It's toenails.

Who would make art out of toenail clippings?

[GASPING]

So close to where food is prepared.

-Are you okay? -I must lay down.

-Okay. -No, no. Not here, not here.

I must get out of here.

[GASPING]

And call 911.

Ask for Eduardo. Tell him Pindar sent you.

He's my friend.

Hi.

Okay.

I'm not entirely surprised.

It was Peter and Jared.

Peter was upset that Jared was leaving

his toenail clippings in the sink.

-Shut up. Shut up. -I'm not gonna touch it. I was--

-Get rid of it, but-- -Shut...

[♪♪]

So scary.

Fifty-four miles per hour.

Wouldn't make it in the majors.

There goes my career as a dart pitcher.

-So hypothetically... -I'm listening.

...we lose this case...

[GRUNTS]

...Carter gets convicted, goes to jail,

law-abiding people stop getting screwed

out of retirement funds.

Yeah, and we do jail time too.

But we'd be taking a selfish

and dangerous criminal off the street.

We're not prosecutors. We're advocates for our clients.

What are you getting at?

Come on. Performance art is one thing.

Throwing a case is another.

We take a risk every time we pull a stunt in court.

All I'm talking about is taking a bigger risk

with less chance for acquittal.

What's wrong with that? Afraid of doing jail time?

Dude, look at me. I'm a walking dessert cart.

What are you talking about? I'm the cute one.

Come on. I hit the bull's-eye, we do society a favor.

Say it out loud. We take a dive.

I hit anywhere else, we represent our client properly.

The chances of me hitting that bull's-eye are very low,

so, what do you say?

Go for it.

We were joking.

We're big into hypotheticals.

I said go for it.

[DART THUDS]

Now, do what is right.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[PHONE RINGING]

Forget it, Pindar. You're done.

She never heard my plan to get around the zoning.

And she never will. We had an inside track, you blew it.

Now, we're lumped into a dog-and-pony show

at her restaurant on Lock Choi

with a bunch of other firms to win her over this freak.

-Let me come. -No.

I will post a guard at the door.

♪ Baby, I need it all back Baby, I need it all back ♪

This is not fair.

Uh, you know, Pindy,

if you really want to go,

-I'll take you. -I would,

but I fear just the sight of my face

will cause Miss Jaya to go into some sort of...

toenail seizure.

-The lunch is at On Lock's? -Yes.

If there are laptops there,

I could teleconference my way in,

or if somebody can sneak my PDA onto the table--

No, that won't work.

Karp or Hanna will just shut it down.

Okay, I have an idea.

It'll take a unique delivery system,

but that just might be its charm.

[♪♪]

Technically, I went about it the wrong way.

[CHUCKLES]

But if returning the money to the shareholders

makes me guilty,

then you better lock me up right now.

Prosecution has no problem with that.

Sarcasm, the poor man's wit.

Sorry. Did I just hear Janie

practicing her orgasms in Italian?

But it felt good, though, right,

giving that money back to all those that deserved it?

Yes, it felt great. I wish I could have done more.

Ah, you know what else feels good?

Payback.

-I don't follow. -A lot of people

have a lot of reasons to hate you, don't they?

-I suppose. -[LAUGHING] You suppose?

Dude! I mean, forget the thousands

who lost their jobs or life savings and pensions.

Let's talk about your private life.

-Let's not. -And you were the first

in your community to put up a fence.

How tall was it? Was it 10 feet, 12?

We could have the question read back, Mr. Lang,

if you'd like.

Fourteen feet.

Fourteen-foot security fence.

[SNIFFS] Yeah, I guess a $9 million,

27-room Cali-terranean needs security,

mostly from the ex-wife, correct?

-Do I have to answer that? -Ah, sorry. Sorry. Wives.

I mean, probably a good investment.

Cheated-on wives, tend to get a little hot

when they get screwed out of alimony.

And they all got what, zero? Is that right?

-I take the fifth. -Oh, too late.

You do that when you took the stand.

-Is that right, Your Honor? -Yes.

And this questioning better have a purpose.

I do have something to say about Franklin and Bash.

And we'd love to hear it as soon as I'm done.

Now, why don't you shut up and answer my questions?

Did you tell your client to shut up?

"Go screw yourself" seemed inappropriate.

-I don't have to take that. -HONG: You're right, Mr. Lang.

The law requires you be represented

by competent lawyers.

I suggest you two get your act together

or I will declare a mistrial.

You're absolutely right, Your Honor. I'm sorry.

Keep your foot on the gas.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[♪♪]

In 1998, our firm was instrumental

in challenging local laws

and environmental laws

in getting the ballpark built on the waterfront.

Let us do the same for your company.

That's great, but you haven't told me how.

What I hear is what you've done with former clients,

but not what you'll do for me.

[GRUNTING]

And now you're out of time.

But you haven't heard our presentation.

I think Infeld Daniels had their chance, Miss Linden.

Thank you all for coming.

I will make my decision tomorrow.

[♪♪]

"A business venture planted

up north will soon bear fruit."

"Land-use caps and ordinances outlawing big-box superstores

are enacted to protect small, local businesses."

What's going on?

"Put Mandolin into that category

just like Whole-Mart v Colton County."

"A 100,000-square-foot space could easily be two 50,000

three 30,000-square-footers and be within code."

Uh, "For more details,

contact your team at Infeld Daniels:

Damien Karp, Hanna Linden

and Pindar Singh."

-How cute. -I know, right?

And thank you for lunch.

[♪♪]

Even your employees hated you.

Cash bar at the last Groton Christmas party?

I was implementing a policy of corporate austerity.

While you gave yourself a 400 percent raise.

-Mr. Franklin-- -Your Honor, some leeway?

We're trying to demonstrate that Mr. Lang is not a nice guy.

In fact, he is a blue-ribbon, grade-A, top-shelf A-hole.

[MURMURING]

Actually, that was Ellen's job to prove, but we did it better.

But, Mr. Lang, even someone as despicable as you

can change, right?

Would you say that you've changed

and seen the error of your ways?

Yes.

Yes, profoundly.

And to correct those ways, are you not legally giving

$129 million, almost the balance of your personal estate,

to the shareholders of Groton, many of whom are here in court?

What?

I'm sorry. I'll speak up.

I said, are you not willing to put in writing

that you will liquidate your assets

to pay off the debt to your shareholders?

-Yes. -Objection, I think. Withdrawn.

No. I object.

We are still in the guilt phase of this trial.

Whether or not Mr. Lang feels remorse has nothing--

-Sustained. -Thank you.

The prosecution's right, for once.

Mr. Lang is guilty.

Guilty of feeling guilty

and also of doing something about it,

which is also why he agreed to spend the next two years

doing volunteer work, correct?

No.

[JURORS MURMURING]

Yes.

In Haiti.

Haiti?

I'm going to Haiti?

Haiti. I couldn't believe it, either.

Sharing his vast entrepreneural expertise

with the small-business owners there.

Your Honor. Approach the bench?

NELSON: Your Honor, none of this is relevant.

I don't want to go to Haiti.

You just said you would, under oath.

I'm happy to add a perjury charge.

Ooh, perjury. That would add at least, what, three years?

-At least three years. -Yeah.

[♪♪]

If your client pleads guilty to a lesser charge,

agrees to pay back all that money,

and leaves for Port-au-Prince by the weekend,

he's out of jail today.

If not, we'll find out

exactly how much this jury hates you, Mr. Lang.

♪ My time will come ♪

Your call, Mr. Lang.

♪ I believe it ♪

Have to pull city-planning files on Merced County.

Already on it, captain, my captain.

-Bye, Damien. Love you, Hanna. -Love you, Pindy.

What the hell is going on?

I'm a team player. I am loved.

In your face. Suck on that.

If I could leave the house...

WOMAN: Here you go.

-What is the deal with Pindy? -Who knows?

Cabin fever, Tourette's, scurvy.

-Hey, congratulations. -BOTH: Thank you.

Aren't you gonna ask me about Allen?

-No, ma'am. -No. No. Uh-uh.

He asked me to dinner Saturday night.

Capo in Santa Monica.

There you go. We were wrong.

That's when his wife will be out of town.

-We were right. -Mm-hm.

So I should say no, right?

I was joking.

Okay, "no," angry face.

No, wait, Debbie. That's a bummer.

-I hope you're okay. -I think so.

-No sex, no harm, no foul. -Good.

We should make sure you, Carmen and Pindy get raises

for all the hard work you do.

Better to give with a warm hand than a cold one.

-That is very sweet of you. -Yes, it is.

Infeld Daniels usually gives the raises.

Who said that warm hand had to be mine?

Nicely done, boys.

-Hey! Thank you. -I knew you'd do the right thing.

-Thank you, sir. -And if we hadn't?

Oh, well, it would have been incumbent upon me

to have you both disbarred.

By the way, did you know

that I won the European Pub Cup in '86?

I nailed it with a treble 18 with my last dart.

-I think I read that somewhere. -You know what?

Give me one of your hypotheticals.

I feel like I'm in the zone.

Okay, you hit the bull's-eye, I get Kate Moss

and Isabeli Fontana and your cabin in Taos.

-If you miss it-- -Miss it,

his bonus goes to Save the Children.

-Excellent. -Wait. What?

Oh, dear. I'm sorry.

No, two out of three, two out of three.

Alright, that's fair. That's fair.

Oh, well, with regrets from Kate and Isabeli.

But on behalf of the children, thank you.

[♪♪]

Seriously, what happened?

You gave with a warm hand.

[PETER CHUCKLES]

I'll give you a warm hand.

-What? -Nothing.

-[GROANS] -Unfair.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I don't even like children.

-They like you. -They do, but that's because--

-You're the same size. -Shut up.

♪ Laugh it up But there's no... ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ Such a vivid picture ♪

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ If I must say so myself ♪

♪ Oh, my, what a day Coming at me anyway ♪

♪ Everything I try to say Just comes out backwards ♪

♪ Overthinking, underreaching ♪

♪ Someone tells a joke I'm blinking ♪

♪ Nothing's all That's sinking in ♪

KID: Hello.